


No Rest for the Wicked

by InspectorBoxer



Category: Firefly, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
Genre: Crossover Pairing, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-04-23
Updated: 2016-01-10
Packaged: 2017-10-18 13:57:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 40
Words: 171,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/189585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InspectorBoxer/pseuds/InspectorBoxer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Serenity needs a new pilot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note #1: This takes place a few years after the movie Serenity. If you haven't seen the film, be warned, there are character deaths mentioned here.
> 
> Note #2: A big thanks to Zennie for the beta!

“Zoe.”

“You do what you gotta do, Captain.”

Malcolm Reynolds chased his second in command from the galley back toward her quarters. “Zoe, we got to have a pilot.”

“River seems to be managing just fine, sir,” Zoe stated calmly over her shoulder. This wasn’t the first time they had this argument, and the way their luck was running, Zoe suspected it wouldn’t be the last. She glanced toward the cockpit as River’s shadow moved around inside it. The girl never sat in Wash’s chair. Zoe never felt the need to ask her why.

“Be that as it may,” Mal continued. “She’s not always exactly… in her right mind,” he reminded her. “I would hate for River to have an… episode… while she was piloting the ship.”

Zoe stopped walking and turned to face her captain. “The only episodes River has had in the last two years is whenever we get right too close to a bunch of Reavers, Captain.”

“Be that as it may,” Mal said again. “You’ve seen what she’s like in the pilot’s seat when we face off against a Reaver ship.”

“But…”

“Zoe,” Mal said seriously. “River is given to flights of fancy. I reckon we all rather like that about her at times, but do you want her to be off in her head when we got an Alliance battle cruiser shooting across our bow?”

Zoe took a deep breath, admitting privately to herself that he had a point. River Tam was proving to be an excellent pilot, but she was unstable and that was just a sad fact. “No, sir, but we’ve been through seven pilots in three years, Captain.”

“I am aware.”

Sighing, Zoe had to look away. “They all died,” she reminded the captain with another glance at the bridge and the pilot’s chair that sat forlorn and empty.

“I recall that, too,” Mal said without humor.

“You don’t think…” Zoe licked her lips. “It was Wash’s chair,” her voice softened when she mentioned her husband’s name.

Mal’s heart hurt for her, but he knew better than to offer outright comfort. Touching her in any way would just make them both uncomfortable, and she’d likely turn her back on him if he offered sympathy. “Wash wouldn’t kill anyone who piloted the ship his wife served on. I don’t right imagine his spirit would, either.”

Zoe looked at the floor, unable to meet Mal’s gaze when she spoke. “People are starting to talk. I even heard Kaylee wondering…”

“People will do that. It’s what occupies their time when they don’t got nothing better to do.”

“You don’t believe it?” she asked, finally looking at him.

“That your dead husband is haunting the pilot’s chair?” Mal hooked his thumbs in his belt loops. “I surely don’t.” He regarded her in the dim light of the corridor. “Do you?”

Zoe averted her gaze again. “Your call, Captain,” she told him one last time before kicking the door open to her quarters and descending down the ladder to her bunk for the night.

Mal stood there for a moment after she was gone. His eyes lifted to the bridge and he sighed before stepping closer to Zoe’s ladder. “I was thinking about contacting Connor,” he called down after her.

Silence beat back at him for almost a full minute. Just as he was about to give up and walk away, Mal heard Zoe’s boot hit the first rung of the ladder and she reappeared a moment later. “Connor?”

“You remember Connor,” he said. “Hell of a pilot. Remember that time in…”

“I remember Connor just fine, sir. I’m just surprised is all, considering. And I think you might get punched before you have a chance to make her an offer.”

“That’s why I had to give the idea some thought,” Mal admitted. “Still. A good pop in the mouth would be worth it to get a good pilot on-board.”

Zoe shook her head and descended the ladder once more.

“What?” Mal said when she was gone.

****

It took weeks to locate Connor, but Mal was persistent, using every contact he had to track down the elusive pilot. He’d finally gotten confirmation that she was on Bardeen, a small backwater planet on the outer rim with a tiny but profitable mining operation. Apparently Connor was running shipments between the planet and the Alliance. Surely his former comrade in arms would love the chance to stick it to the Alliance, and maybe even make off with a load of highly valuable ore in the process.

“I don’t understand,” River said from where she was curled up in the co-pilot’s seat, her knees against her chest and her feet bare, her lips forming a slight pout. “Why do we have to get another pilot?” She stared out the window as the ship entered the atmosphere, the interior of Serenity beginning to jostle them slightly.

Mal pursed his lips as he went through the landing procedures. Despite what he’d told Zoe, he was still uncomfortable sitting in Wash’s chair. Besides, they had finally just gotten the blood out of the seat from their last ill-fated pilot who died in it. “You’re a growing girl,” he told her. “You need to be keeping up with your schooling instead of flying this old tub.” He patted the flight console to let the ship know he meant no offense. “You should be thinking about dolls and boys and…”

River frowned. “I’m not a girl anymore.”

The captain suspected that was true. One did not live with the images in their head that River Tam did and maintain the innocence of childhood. “No. You’re turning into a right beautiful young lady,” he told her.

“I’m twenty. “

Mal glanced at her, having forgotten for a moment that River was no longer that scarred, skittish girl that had come aboard his ship. “I know,” he lied.

“Simon and I have been on-board for three years. I should have a position on the crew.”

“You do have a position,” Mal told her. “You help us out with all kinds of things.”

“Like reading people’s minds,” River said. She considered and then frowned. “Seems so unfair to them.”

“How often have we stolen something from someone nice?” Mal asked practically. He watched with satisfaction as River smiled just a little. “Exactly,” Mal said, taking her smile as a small victory. “Besides, you’re the co-pilot.”

“I don’t want to watch anyone else die in that chair,” River protested. “I was here for the last six.”

Mal nodded regretfully. More than once he’d found River Tam covered in blood as she tried futilely to save someone beyond saving. “Maybe this one will be different. I think you’ll like her, actually.”

River looked at him then, her gaze moving off the stars and the growing planet below. “Her?” All the other pilots had been men.

“Yep.” Mal flipped a few switches then gripped the helm harder as it started to shudder. “Name’s Connor.”

“Connor,” River tasted the name. “What’s her first name?”

Mal hesitated when he realized he didn’t know. “Good question. I always just called her Connor or pilot.”

“She was a browncoat?”

“Yep,” Mal’s voice was softer and coated with memories. Not all of them concerning the pilot were good ones, however, and there was bad blood on both sides. But work was work. And Connor was one of the best pilots in the ‘Verse.

“Is she as old as you and Zoe?”

Mal’s head rocked back, and he turned to look at her. “As old?”

River looked at him all innocence.

“No,” Mal said as Serenity began to vibrate more as they sank even lower. “She’d be closing in on about thirty now I suppose.” He glanced around and crossed his toes, hoping nothing was about to fly off his ship that wasn’t supposed to.

River said nothing more as the ship shuddered her way to a rough landing on Bardeen’s surface. As soon as the landing gear was down, she got up and slipped her feet into her boots, not bothering to tie the laces. “I’m going into town. Simon asked me to help him pick up some medical supplies.”

“Be careful,” Mal called to the girl as she moved past him. “Protect your brother,” he added with a smirk.

River glanced back at him then smiled knowingly before descended the steps.

****

The air was dry and dusty as Zoe, Jayne and Mal stepped out the back door and onto a dirt path. Canyons and rocks stretched out before them, and the three members of the Serenity crew took in the landscape for a long moment.

“Pretty,” Zoe said of the red and silver rocks surrounding them.

“It’s a bunch of rocks,” Jayne growled. He shouldered past the two of them and made his way down the path toward the town around the bend, hoping to find a beer and some cheap company for the night.

The captain turned his head as his engineer appeared in the doorway. “Simon and River head out already?”

“Yep,” Kaylee answered as she stuffed her hands in the pockets of her coveralls. “’Bout ten minutes before you, Cap’n.” She smiled. “This is so excitin’. Thinking we might have another pilot before the sun sets.” She saw Zoe give her a withering look. “Well it is if they don’t die or nothing,” she added.

“Keep an eye on her, Kaylee,” Mal instructed as he slapped his hand flat against a piece of Serenity’s hull before he and Zoe headed out after Jayne.

“Will do, Cap’n,” Kaylee called after them before closing and sealing the door.

“This is a bad idea,” Zoe said after they walked in silence for a few paces. She could taste the ore in the air from where particles of it drifted on the wind from the mines. It had a metallic flavor like copper… like blood. Something strong and preferably alcoholic would be required to cover the taste.

“Asking Connor? I think it’s one of the best ideas I’ve had in ages,” Mal disagreed.

Zoe shot him a look. “Not asking Connor,” she clarified slowly. “Coming here. The planet may be backwater, sir, but it’s got to be crawling with Alliance.”

The Alliance had been weakened when they’d been exposed for their crimes against the people of Miranda, but those that remained in power were more ruthless than ever and not at all forgiving. River was still hunted, although not as aggressively now, and their names and faces were well known to the Alliance Guard. Fortunately, most people hated the Alliance now, and the crew of Serenity found themselves in higher favor among the locals they usually encountered than before.

The years since Miranda had seen changes to every corner of the known universe. Parliament and the Alliance had once ruled as the triumphant victors of war. Many had wanted to be on the side of the winner and had followed Parliament unwaveringly, their allegiance held in check lest the Alliance came bearing down on your backwater planet with warships.

But River Tam and the images that had plagued her young thoughts had changed all that. Mal knew he gladly would trade to get back River’s peace of mind if it meant she hadn’t had to carry the weights of millions of souls on her own for so long, but in the end, River’s sacrifice had opened everyone’s eyes to Parliament’s true nature.

At least the girl was now living a semblance of a normal life. As normal as being a reader, lethal weapon, and the smartest person in the room at any given moment would let her be.

Now there were uprisings everywhere, too many for the weakened Alliance to handle, but it didn’t stop them from trying. Even losing almost half of their forces to defection after the Miranda Incident, as it was now known, hadn’t stopped them from trying to control every inch of space and the people who might be standing or flying in it.

But even weakened, the Alliance was still a force to be reckoned with. No man with the sense God gave him would walk willingly into a town teaming with Alliance when his face was plastered to hell and back on wanted posters across the galaxy.

No man but himself, Mal decided with an inward smirk. There were few things he liked more than thumbing his nose at the Alliance.

“Sometimes you gotta take chances,” Mal said as they entered the small mining town, taking in the sights and sounds of children playing and vendors hawking their wares.

Zoe hadn’t expected to find her so quickly. Within five minutes of entering the town, she saw Connor leaving it, her familiar purposeful stride catching Zoe’s attention out of the corner of her eye. The former soldier still wore her dark brown hair at a shaggy shoulder length. Today it was clipped back into a ponytail, revealing a portion of her back that was exposed by the sleeveless shirt she wore. The pilot’s skin was a golden bronze from hours spent in the sun. As Zoe watched, Connor slipped on a brown coat as her knee-high boots kicked up dust as she walked. She had a pistol holstered on each hip and walked with a swagger that showed she knew how to use both. The townsfolk all nodded at Connor respectfully as she passed, but Zoe noticed that they gave the woman a wide berth. Without a word to her captain, Zoe followed.

A few minutes later Mal turned and realized he’d been talking to no one. “Zoe?”

****

“Pilot?”

Connor went still at the voice that called out to her. Turning in surprise, she saw a face from her past she thought she’d never see in person again. “Zoe?” The slight accent was still there, a left over remnant from the so-called English Colonies Connor heralded from.

Zoe smiled then stepped closer and embraced her, hugging her hard. She was surprised at how good it was to see Connor, considering where life had taken each of them. “Long time no see,” she said as she stepped back and met the woman’s familiar jade gaze. Connor looked older but time had been kind. She was still the striking woman Zoe remembered, maybe even more so.

Connor smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “You shouldn’t be here, Zoe. The town is full of Alliance patrols. They know your face.”

Zoe hesitated before gripping Connor’s elbow, leading her out of the throng of people and into the relative shade of a closed street vendor’s shop. “We came here looking for you.”

“Me?” Connor seemed puzzled by that. “What in the hell do you think I can help you with?” The pilot tilted her head only to laugh when she realized Zoe’s intent. “Absolutely not.”

“You can’t like this life,” Zoe answered. “Working for the men and women you used to fight. You got some right personal grudges with the Alliance,” Zoe said with sympathy.

Connor straightened. “It’s a living,” she replied tersely. “And it’s a legal one, which is more than I can say for you.”

“I’m not here to dredge up painful memories or pass judgment.”

“Please. We may have some good memories, but most of what we shared was pain.”

“There was a little pleasure mixed in there as well,” Mal said as he joined them.

Connor stiffened at the sound of his voice before pivoting on her heel and punching him hard in the mouth. Mal went down with appalling ease. “And you,” she spat. “I can’t believe you would even show your face around me again.”

“Just had to go there, didn’t you, sir?” Zoe asked wearily.

“You still holding that grudge?” Mal asked Connor while ignoring his second in command. “I was as drunk as you were, darlin’. I don’t remember any more about that night than you do.”

“You were the one still in your clothes,” Connor fired back. She glanced at Zoe. “Take care of yourself, Zoe. I’ve got a shipment to review, and I need to be out of here in the hour.”

Zoe glanced at her captain as Connor all but stomped away. “That went well,” she drawled as she held out her hand and hoisted Mal to his feet.

The captain rubbed his jaw. “Forgot just what a nice right hook she has,” he murmured as he dusted himself off and started after the pilot.

“Never learns,” Zoe muttered as she followed after him. She passed Jayne in the market looking less than pleased. “What’s wrong with you?”

“It’s a dry town. Did you know that?” he spat.

“What?”

“They’ve outlawed booze here. Ain’t got whores, neither.”

Zoe glanced around and realized they were drawing unwanted attention. “We’re heading out. Soon as River and Simon get what they need and get back to the ship, we’ll take off.”

“Did we get a pilot?” Jayne asked.

Zoe gestured where Mal was picking up the pace to catch the woman moving determinedly away from him. “He’s working on it.”

“That her?” Jayne tilted his head as he watched the sway of Connor’s hips. “Nice piece of ass.”

Zoe rolled her eyes. “That piece of ass could break you in five pieces.”

“Really?” Jayne said as if the idea appealed to him. “Feisty, huh? I like that.”

“Connor. Connor!” Mal kept yelling at the retreating woman to no avail. He finally ran and grabbed her arm, spinning her to face him. Her arm swung back, but Mal caught her wrist before she could hit at him again. “Just hear me out.”

“I don’t want to hear anything you have to say,” Connor replied tightly, but she withdrew her hand and let her fist rest at her side.

“Forget our history… forget the night neither of us can remember anyway. I’m here to offer you a job. I need a pilot, and I’ll just bet you need to be out from under the Alliance’s thumb.”

“Not interested.”

Mal opened his mouth to reply, surprised at being turned down so quickly, but Connor was already walking away. “Well now hold on a minute there,” he called after her before giving chase and catching up with her in a few quick steps. Dust kicked up around their boots as they walked, leaving Jayne, Zoe, and the market behind. “You haven’t even heard my offer.”

“I’m not interested,” Connor said again, this time slower as if that would help him understand. “I’ve heard all about what’s happened to your last seven pilots.”

Mal stopped walking, allowing Connor to get a few steps ahead before he hurried to catch up. He knew word was going to get out eventually about their bad luck, but he wished it could have waited until they had some poor, unsuspecting soul already on-board. “Alright. I’ll concede we’ve had a spot or two of trouble in that arena.”

Connor rolled her eyes and kept walking. “They all died in the pilot’s chair.”

“True,” Mal allowed. “But whatever happened to going down with the ship?” he joked.

“Going down with the ship is all well and good. Getting decapitated, gored, or blasted because a ghost is apparently pissed off that someone is in his chair? No thanks.”

“I never figured you for a coward, Connor,” Mal commented with forced casualness.

The pilot stopped walking before she turned and looked at the man she’d once fought alongside. “But I guess you did figure me for a fool if you think I’d fall for that line.”

The captain’s shoulders slumped. “Come on, Connor. You, me, and Zoe had some good times. We could again.” He tapped her playfully on the arm and gave her his most charming smile.

Connor opened her mouth to tell him where he could stick his good times, but her words were drowned out by the sudden screams that erupted from the town behind them.

Jayne and Zoe drew their weapons and turned, looking back to see what was causing the commotion. It was at that moment that River and Simon rounded the corner and headed for them at a dead run.

“What’d you do?” Jayne shouted at the Doc as they raced by.

“Reavers!” Simon shouted back.

Connor exchanged glances with Mal as River and Simon passed them. “On second thought…” Connor decided as she turned and ran after the fleeing Tams.

The rest turned and headed for the hills, as the screams grew closer. A small ground vehicle shrieked out of the town behind them, its engine howling as the gears ground together. Zoe beat tracks for the nearest cluster of rocks, grabbing Jayne’s arm and yanking him with her just as a harpoon shot out and struck the earth where their boots would have been.

“Well damn!” Jayne yelled as he fumbled for one of the grenades on his belt. “This ain’t my idea of a good time!”

Zoe cocked her rifle then fired off a shot from her cover behind the rocks. The bullet struck something vital, and a plume of smoke rose from the vehicle. Still the Reavers kept coming, the sound from the engine making both Zoe and Jayne wince as it shot past them and continued on after their running shipmates.

“Come on!” Zoe yelled as they gave chase, aware that there would be others behind them on foot. Some would be fleeing the cannibals.

Others would be the cannibals.

Jayne swore again, still trying to unclip the grenade as he staggered after her.

River ran as hard and as fast as she could, aware of her brother not far behind her. She knew she had to get to the ship, to get the loading bay door open. Her foot caught on a rock and she stumbled, but a warm hand gripped her elbow and kept her upright.

“Keep moving!” an unfamiliar woman ordered, and River obeyed without hesitation, putting on an extra burst of speed as she rounded the bend in the road and ran for Serenity looming nearly one hundred yards ahead.

Connor couldn’t keep pace with the girl. A part of her was amazed at how fluidly River ran, especially in her ill-fitting, untied boots. The pilot risked a look over her shoulder and her eyes widened. “Everybody down!”

They all dropped, slamming hard into the dirt and sending up dust as the smoking vehicle rushed over their heads. Connor drew her weapon and heard Mal do the same. They scrambled to their feet and began firing while Simon stayed down, out of the path of their bullets or anyone else’s.

The vehicle made a hard right turn, gears screaming as they rubbed raw against each other. Mal went shoulder to shoulder with Connor, firing non-stop until he was out of bullets.

“Damn, damn, damn,” the captain repeated as the vehicle bore down on them while he tried frantically to reload.

Connor’s gun finally clicked impotently, and she swore an impressive string of Chinese as she started reloading her own weapon. Mal grabbed her around the waist and they went back down into the dirt as another harpoon shot out from the cannon on the front of the vehicle, missing them both by inches.

Jayne and Zoe reached them just as the Reavers whipped by above their heads again. They were being toyed with and none of them appreciated the fact. Zoe reached out and snatched a grenade off Jayne’s belt, causing the leather to give way and Jayne’s pants to fall down around his ankles.

“Hey!” The mercenary yelled.

Zoe pulled the pin and hurled the grenade with accurate precision at the on-coming ship. She watched with satisfaction as the Reavers turned and scrambled for the explosive device.

“Move!” she shouted at the others.

They got back on their feet and ran, Jayne gripping the waistband of his trousers to hold them up. They had only gotten a few feet when the concussive blast of the exploding vehicle sent them sprawling to the ground once more.

Connor was first on her feet, and she hauled Mal up with her. Glancing back, she saw a sea of black clad figures running toward them. Her heart leapt into her throat. She’d seen Reavers before, but never a hundred of them thundering down on her at once.

The others looked back then jerked into motion just as more shrieking filled the air. Two more ground ships streaked toward them at full speed.

“We’re not going to make it!” Jayne yelled. He turned back around and drew up short when he realized Serenity was no longer in front of him. “What the hell?”

A sudden blast of wind, dirt and gravel kicked back into everyone’s face as Serenity loomed large above them, getting between the helpless humans and the oncoming Reavers. One ground vehicle veered off in time. Another struck one of Serenity’s landing struts and began to tumble through the air, nearly hitting Connor and Mal as they dove for cover.

The ship exploded fifty yards away; far enough not to cause them harm but close enough to push them off their feet again and for a wave of heat to bake their skin. They all scrambled as the loading bay door came down, and Kaylee frantically started waving them all aboard.

“Gonna have to jump for it!” Jayne yelled as he rushed past everyone and leapt inside. He turned and held out his hand for Zoe just as she made a leap to join him.

Simon was next as Mal turned to Connor. “You in or out?”

“You’re asking me now?” The pilot yelled back at him.

“In or out?” Mal asked, holding her gaze unflinchingly.

Connor’s eyes went to the Reavers, so close now she could make out every hideous feature on their self-mutilated faces. If she’d had any bullets left she would have used them on Malcolm Reynolds. “I’m in! I’m in! Let’s go.”

Mal boosted her up and Zoe and Jayne caught her hands. Finally Mal took the leap himself, watching from the still open door as Serenity eased up just as the Reavers surrounded the space they’d been in. They howled in rage at being denied the flesh they wanted to rape, destroy and feast on.

And not necessarily in that order.

****

“Gosh, that was a close one,” Kaylee commented when the door finally clanged shut and sealed with a hiss.

Connor turned to look at her, raising one elegant eyebrow at the understatement. She brushed past all of them and headed for the stairs.

“Um… excuse me,” Kaylee called after her. “You ain’t got permission to…” She fell silent when Zoe touched her elbow. “Who does she think she…?”

“She’s our pilot,” Zoe explained.

“Oh. Oh.” Kaylee’s eyes went wide. “Hope she lasts longer than the last one.”

Connor ignored them as she took the steps in twos. She’d flown plenty of Firefly class ships in her time, and it didn’t surprise her that Mal had picked one for his bird.

She was surprised at the ship’s condition. It looked like it had been to hell and back, but there was love in the corners, in the repairs she could see with the naked eye. The pilot made her way through the galley, noting the silly stenciling around the room’s edges that oddly gave it a warm, homey feel, before heading up toward the bridge.

The sight of the empty pilot’s chair was disconcerting, especially since the ship was still climbing, passing through the planet’s atmosphere and heading for the thick blanket of stars and blackness that lay beyond. Connor stepped inside and turned her head.

In the co-pilot’s seat was a young woman. Connor realized by the boots it was the same girl who’d run past her outside. Taking a moment to study her, Connor guessed her co-pilot was around eighteen, maybe twenty. She had long, dark brown hair and as Connor met the girl’s gaze in the reflection off the viewport she realized she had coffee-colored eyes that had seen far more than a girl that age should. There was wisdom and experience there, like an old soul gazing out from those brown depths, but when she spoke, Connor caught a flicker of innocence lurking there as well.

Connor knew her face and name instantly. You didn’t work for, with, or even against the Alliance and not know River Tam.

“You’re the new pilot?” River’s voice sounded frail and shaky.

Connor hesitated as she finally put a voice to that young face she’d seen in so many briefings and wanted bulletins. “I guess so,” she finally drawled.

River turned her head and looked at her, fear clear in her eyes. “Then you might want to sit down.”

“Why?”

“We have company.”

The whole ship rocked, and Connor stumbled backward into the bulkhead as something struck the hull. Swearing, the pilot shoved off, no longer worried about sitting in a dead man’s chair and focused more on keeping herself alive for the next few minutes. Her eyes roved over the controls, reacquainting herself with them before she took the helm.

“Got her,” Connor announced. She felt the weight of the helm as control passed to her. The wheel seemed to float in her hands, quick and light, a marked contrast to the heavy-handed, sluggish controls of the mining shuttle she had been flying. Her eyebrows elevated when she detected how sensitive the ship was, how easily she responded to her commands. At least the damn thing would be fun to fly.

River let go then curled up in her seat, her hands going to either side of her head as she heard hundreds of screaming voices, every syllable full of insanity. “They’re coming, they’re coming, they’re coming,” she repeated over and over as she started to rock.

Mal appeared a moment later. “What was that?”

“Company,” Connor muttered with a quick glance at River who appeared ready to come unhinged.

Another impact thrust them all forward. Mal crashed into Connor’s back, and she twisted, not wanting him to touch her.

“Relax,” Mal told her. “I ain’t looking for nothing from you ‘cept your piloting skills, which I am most certainly hoping will get us out of this gorram mess.”

Connor banked a hard right, succeeding in getting them out of the line of fire for a moment as well as knocking Mal on his ass. A dark smile shaped her lips as she shook her head. “Not surprising you didn’t have this boat equipped with guns,” she murmured before plunging them straight down and sideways.

Even River grabbed onto the console and held on as the ship shuddered at the action.

“Damn, woman,” Mal shouted. “Try not to fly her apart!”

“If the Reavers get us it won’t matter much.” Connor let the ship corkscrew, seeing on her monitors how close the enemy ship was. There was nothing she could use against them, no weapons at her disposal so she had to use what she could find.

The pilot pushed down on the helm and willed the ship faster back into the atmosphere.

“Um…” Mal got to his feet even though the G-force was pressing him back as it taxed the limits of their gravity generator. “We just came from there, darlin’.”

“Shut up,” River told him without hesitation, the voices in her mind finally backing off to an almost manageable level. She ignored the surprised jerk of Connor’s head as the woman looked at her.

“Did you just tell me to shut up?” Mal asked, knowing it wasn’t the time to feel indignant but he did anyway.

“Tell the crew to hold on to something,” Connor instructed. She waited until Mal grabbed the radio and warned those below. “This is gonna get bumpy.”

Serenity parted the clouds and thundered toward the canyons, the Reaver ship screaming down from the heavens behind them. Dwarfing the tiny little Firefly vessel in size, its shadow fell across Serenity’s hull as it blotted out the sun.

Connor headed for the first canyon she could, hoping to outrun and outmaneuver the Reaver ship. A cannon blast ripped past the viewport and impacted the ground below, sheering off a piece of canyon wall as Serenity whipped past it. Then everyone on board had to hold on tight as Connor threw her weight into the helm, directing Serenity into a sideways roll and down, tumbling the ship into a steep and jagged canyon.

“I am not liking this,” Mal commented.

Red and silver rocks streaked by as Connor kept the ship weaving in erratic patterns, doing her damndest not to get them shot. Blasts from the Reaver ship continued to pelt the walls around them, showering the windshield with dust that sparkled with ore.

Connor pushed the ship even lower, knowing that the Reavers would follow. Serenity was prey, and the Reavers would either have her or die trying. A dry riverbed stretched out below and Connor followed it, waiting and watching for her opportunity.

“There!” River shouted when she saw a naturally formed arch up and to the left. There was just enough room for Serenity to make it through, but it was going to be tight.

And about as easy as threading a needle.

Connor bit her lip and jerked up hard on the controls. Serenity shuddered, and the pilot could just imagine that the ship’s engineer had to be having a conniption fit. But that wasn’t her concern. Her concern was getting them away from the Reaver ship alive and in one piece. She rolled the ship one last time, making sure the side engines wouldn’t impact rock as the little Firefly almost seemed to float through the opening before blasting away.

The Reaver ship did what Connor had hoped and followed, smashing into the arch with deafening force. The ensuing shockwave gathered up Serenity and tossed her toward a canyon wall, sending her end over end and throwing around her inhabitants inside.

The pilot swore and flipped switches, trying to stabilize the ship, trying to get them right side up and in control. Connor felt the helm come back to life in her free hand, and she gripped it hard, going with the next flip then giving the engines a hard kick in the pants to push them out of it.

Serenity soared toward the heavens, clearing the red and silver canyons below and heading for white sky.

Connor evened out the ship as soon as they broke orbit. The whole crew took a moment to catch its collective breath.

Mal looked at River who was staring wide-eyed at Connor.

“That’s why we need a pilot,” the captain told her. Mal slapped Connor on the shoulder. “Welcome aboard.” He turned and headed below, intent on accessing the damage to his ship.

Her breath coming in painful gasps, Connor sat there in the pilot’s seat. She finally glanced sideways, feeling River Tam’s eyes on her.

“That was good,” River said simply.

****

There was faint music playing when River returned from dinner to the bridge. Connor was still sitting in the pilot’s seat, her features contemplative as River moved to stand alongside her. “The captain asked me to show you to your quarters.”

Connor turned her head slightly to indicate the girl had been heard, but she didn’t respond right away, her gaze fixed on the stars.

River moved closer. “We should be in safe territory. You can put her on autopilot.”

“No place is safe,” Connor replied, her voice sounding gruff. She turned fully and looked at River. With a sigh, she flipped the switch to activate the autopilot and slowly stood. Her legs shook a little as she put her weight on them, a reaction to the tension and stress of the Reavers’ earlier attack.

“We saved you some dinner,” River offered hopefully. She’d been disappointed when their new pilot had turned down the offer to join them for a meal.

“Not hungry,” Connor told her as she moved past the girl and descended the steps toward the personal quarters. She waited at the bottom of the stairs for River to follow.

“Feel free to grab anything you need should that change,” River said as she stepped off the final step.

Connor’s eyes were drawn to River’s feet, noticing they were now bare. They were long with tapered toes. There was something elegant about them, about the way River walked. Her gaze moved back up to the girl’s features, and Connor held out her hands, indicating the hatches around them. “Ok. Which one is mine?”

River smiled shyly as she eased past her, shoving open the door right behind her. “This one.” She didn’t wait to be invited in, she merely climbed down the ladder and into Connor’s new quarters.

The pilot stood there staring at the opening. The girl had a pair, she had to give her that. With a sigh and shake of her head, Connor followed, suddenly feeling like she could sleep a month.

River was waiting for her in the middle of the room. Connor glanced around as she took in the space. She’d certainly lived in worse. At least it was clean and gave her a little room to move. The pilot noted the bed was already made, and it didn’t take much to figure out who was responsible.

“We weren’t properly introduced before,” River began. “I’m…”

“River Tam,” Connor finished for her as she moved about the new space she was going to call home. “I know who you are.”

River watched her for a moment, seeing the tension in the other woman’s frame and wondering what was causing it. She found Connor hard to read, physically or mentally. That was a very rare thing and made her instantly intrigued. “You aren’t Alliance, are you?”

Connor snorted. “Not hardly.” She moved to her bunk and slipped her jacket from her shoulders before tossing it on the bed. It was all she had with her, the one belonging she’d escaped with that meant a damn, that and the locket around her neck. She fingered the silver unconsciously. “I saw you on their bulletins. I know the Alliance is still looking for you.”

“There is a reward,” River stated simply.

The pilot looked over her shoulder. “You saying I should turn you in, girlie? Collect a nice paycheck and retire somewhere?”

River leaned against the wall knowing that she was being teased. “No. It’s just most people are afraid of me.” She crossed her arms and watched the other woman sit on the edge of the bed. There was something about this new pilot that captured her imagination and she wanted to know more. Maybe because her usual avenue of gathering information about people, the ways the Alliance had created inside her, were strangely curtailed with this woman. “They’re afraid of me because they know Parliament wants me.”

“Or because they know what you’re capable of,” Connor commented. She planted her feet shoulder width apart then rested her elbows on her knees before looking at River with open curiosity. “Is it true?”

“Is what true?”

“That you took out a room full of Reavers with an axe and a smile?” Connor smirked at her, finding the image to be ludicrous now that she was presented with the legendary girl in the flesh. River didn’t look capable of hurting a fly.

“I wasn’t smiling,” River corrected blandly.

Connor felt her smirk vanish, and she had to avert her gaze from River’s steady stare. “I think I’m going to turn in,” she announced as she jerked back to her feet. Suddenly, Connor was uncomfortable sharing space with River Tam, and she could feel the young woman’s eyes on her back as the pilot slipped her belt and guns off.

River let her eyes wander over Connor’s shoulders and down her lithe frame. The older woman was actually almost an inch shorter than her, but far more muscular. River wondered if the pilot’s legs were as well toned as her arms. Her skin was a beautiful bronze, and River felt the compulsion to touch it, to see if the surface was as soft as it looked.

She was about to find out, her fingertips and inch from their target, when Connor turned back around and looked curiously at her outstretched hand.

“Problem?” Connor asked.

River shook her head and reluctantly let her hand drop. “Is there anything else you need?” She asked, hoping she could linger longer and listen to Connor’s interesting accent for a few more minutes.

Connor frowned. She was sure River was about to touch her shoulder and was baffled by the girl’s behavior. There was something wrong with River, something damaged, but she had a charm and innocence to her nevertheless that was strangely appealing. “I think I’m good,” Connor announced, ready to have her new quarters to herself for a while.

The pilot sat down and pulled her boots off, kicking them under the bed, and was reaching for the fastening on her trousers when she realized the girl was still in the room. She paused and looked at her pointedly. “You going to stand there and watch me undress?” Connor teased when River made no move to leave.

“No,” River replied seriously, as if she hadn’t given it a thought. But she stayed rooted to the spot as Connor’s hands dropped to her shirt and her fingers toyed with the top button. River glanced up to see a tiny smile grace Connor’s lips, and she smiled in return, a wide, innocent smile.

“You should go, then,” Connor said finally, indicating the ladder behind the girl.

River looked behind her and then back to Connor. “Oh. Right.” With that, she clambered up the steps and was gone.

Connor hefted the ladder up and let the door above her close. She thought about River’s befuddled expression as the girl all but ran off, and she smiled.

Exhausted, Connor dropped back onto the bed and slid her hands under her head. She stared at the ceiling, listening to the ship hum around her. It was a soothing sound, and she soon found her eyelids beginning to droop. The pilot would never tell Mal, but there was no place better for her than a ship like this. A ship she could fly where she wanted and how she wanted. A ship that would let her keep running from pieces of her life she left behind…

And the pieces the Alliance took from her.

Reaching up and fingering the small silver locket at her throat once more, Connor closed her eyes and thought of the picture inside… thought of his name… the name she never spoke out loud anymore.

“Night, baby,” she whispered into the endless void of space.

***


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please see chapter one for notes.

Connor woke to the same sounds that had lulled her to sleep. Her green eyes fluttered open and reflected momentary confusion at the unfamiliar sight of their surroundings. The pilot felt all the more baffled when the dream she’d just exited seemed more real than her reality.

With a sigh, Connor sat up, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed and planting her feet on the cold floor. Waking up in the middle of the night was nothing new, but waking up on Serenity was. This wasn’t the small hovel that had been her apartment with the stench of cooking cabbage and the murmur of voices from the restaurant below. Nor was it the tiny bunk she’d had on the mining ship that was barely long enough to accommodate her legs and always reeked of alcohol and body odor. Here she could stretch out, move about. The air smelled of metal and clean cotton, and she found both acceptable as she took in a deep breath. Connor stood and dressed, her hand hovering over her gun belt for an uncertain moment before she decided to forgo it.

Trudging wearily to the galley, the pilot was pleased to find it empty. She wasn’t much for company, and the early hour made her feel downright anti-social. With a yawn big enough to make her jaw pop unpleasantly, she prepared some coffee, nibbling on some crackers while she waited.

Coffee finally in hand, Connor headed for the bridge, ascending the steps quietly and ducking inside. The vastness of space stretched outside the viewport, and she took a quiet moment to absorb the sight of different stars than she was used to seeing. The last four years had seen the same patterns again and again and she welcomed the unfamiliar view.

Settling into the pilot’s chair, Connor absorbed how it felt to sit there. The knowledge that seven others had perished where she now sat was a distant afterthought. She was more preoccupied with the feeling of freedom, of being out from under the Alliance’s thumb. The pilot would never admit it to Mal, but taking on work from the Alliance had shackled her spirit and caged her inside a life she’d fought against and would have willingly died to keep from living.

For the first time in years, Connor felt like she was free and soaring again.

It was both terrifying and exhilarating, and it felt like a gift she didn’t think she deserved. Connor sipped her coffee and propped her feet up next to the helm, ignoring the odd plastic toys that rested there as she lounged in the chair and studied the expanse of stars before her. Maybe this wasn’t such a bad gig, she mused. How was it Mal used to describe their lives as browncoats? Life on the raggedy edge? At least out here it was interesting, unpredictable, raw. On that Alliance transport it had been as repetitive as breathing and required nearly as little thought.

The raggedy edge fit. And Connor had the sneaking suspicion she could get to like this life if she dared to give it a chance. She’d been punishing herself for so long now. Maybe it was time to move on.

The sensation of being watched crept up on her slowly, and Connor finally succumbed to it. She turned her head, barely able to refrain the urge to jump when she saw River Tam observing her from the co-pilot’s chair. The girl was like a ghost, haunting and pale, and Connor felt her heart leap in fright. If she’d worn her gun, she was sure she would have shot the damn girl.

“Hi,” River greeted her easily.

“How long have you been sitting there?” Connor barked.

“A few hours now.”

“You’ve been here the whole time?” Connor heard the accusing tone to her voice and she mentally scolded herself. It wasn’t River’s fault that she had been unaware of her surroundings.

River nodded and blinked almost owlishly at her.

“And… you didn’t say anything because…?”

“You seemed like you were thinking about things.”

Connor simply looked at her for a moment before her gaze moved off the girl and back onto the stars. “Guess I was,” she sighed.

“Would you like me to leave?” River offered.

Connor’s lips formed a grim smile. “You were here first.”

“I should be sleeping,” River replied as she watched Connor with undisguised interest.

The pilot wasn’t sure what to do with River’s naked curiosity of her. Oddly flattered or mildly uncomfortable seemed to be the two warring options. “Why aren’t you?”

“I don’t sleep… much,” River admitted. She shifted in the seat, pulling her bare feet up to rest on the edge. “Hear too many things in my head. See too much in my dreams.”

Connor could appreciate that, but she knew her own demons probably couldn’t hold a candle to what went on in that pretty little head of River Tam’s. She tilted her head and looked at the girl again. “Bad dreams?”

“Some.” River looked away and out at the stars. “Not like before.”

“Before?”

“Before Miranda. When they were all in my head. Now it’s just me. It gets lonely sometimes with just me.”

Connor wasn’t sure what that meant, but she made a mental note to ask Zoe about it later. Something beeped next to her right elbow, and she turned to look for the source.

“Incoming wave,” River explained as she unfurled from the chair and joined Connor at the helm. She leaned across the woman, offering her a shy smile as she punched a button and a face swam into focus on the screens.

“Hello, Serenity.” The man on the monitors was squat with a thick gray beard shot through with splotches of red. His head was clean-shaven, his eyes dark and close together. Connor didn’t trust him the instant she laid eyes on him.

“His name is Reigert,” River told Connor. “He’s a… supplier.”

“Supplier.” Connor shook her head, her earlier positive musings about Serenity fading into memory. “I can only imagine what he supplies.”

River pushed another button, making them visible to the man on the screen. “Hello, Reigert.”

“River!” The supplier said with a delighted laugh. “How good it is to see you, my lovely girl.”

His accent was Scottish, maybe Irish, Connor wasn’t sure. She only knew her dislike for the man increased ten-fold with the way he was looking at the young woman standing next to her. “Something we can do for you?” the pilot asked, drawing his attention off River and onto herself.

“And who do we have here?” Reigert asked with a sly smile. “What an attractive addition you make to Malcolm Reynolds’s crew.”

Connor gave him a tight, insincere smile. “I’m the pilot. That’s all you need to know.”

His eyes turned colder at her dismissive tone. “You’re right about that. You’re sitting in a dead man’s chair, my dear. You’ll probably meet an unfortunate end before I could even remember your name.” His gaze shifted back to River. “Where is Reynolds?”

“Sleeping,” River said, her voice losing all warmth.

“Well wake him, girl. I have a job for him.”

****

The crew of Serenity was certainly a varied lot. Connor was the last member of the crew to arrive in the cargo hold. She deliberately kept herself apart from the others, pausing on the stairs and using the opportunity to get a bird’s eye view of the crew she was supposed to be working and living with now.

The pilot had seen all their names and faces in the bulletins. Zoe and Mal, their faces as familiar to her as her own after years of fighting the Alliance, sometimes side-by-side. Kaylee Frye, the ship’s engineer with her perky, pretty face, lilting voice and skills with an engine that would make any man jealous. Simon Tam, the handsome, dark-haired brother to River, who had given up money and prestige and left his position as a doctor with the Alliance to risk everything to save his sister. Jayne Cobb, his sweaty armpits on full display as the mercenary leaned back against some crates, his hands linked behind his head as he yawned and watched the proceedings with boredom.

And then there was River. The girl was sitting on a crate, her knees drawn up to her chest. She wasn’t talking to anyone, and no one seemed especially interested in engaging her. Although River didn’t seem to be bothered with her lack of company, she still struck Connor as lonely. With an internal grouse at her weakness for stray animals and damsels in distress, Connor started down the steps.

Zoe offered a half smile in greeting, and Connor dipped her head as she took a seat next to the surprised River.

“Hi,” River said with a welcoming smile.

Connor just gave the girl a tight-lipped grin in response.

“Ok folks, listen up,” Mal said as he sauntered into the middle of the room. “We got ourselves a job.”

“Bout time,” Jayne announced as he chewed on something foul smelling and spat.

Connor winced, wishing she wouldn’t have sat so close to him. She could smell the sweat coming off him, and the pilot shot him a cross look that didn’t go unnoticed.

“What?” Jayne demanded.

Mal shook his head and proceeded as if he hadn’t been interrupted. “Reigert called during the night.”

Kaylee groaned and Simon started rubbing his forehead as if he were in pain. “Please tell me we ain’t gonna haul more horses, Cap’n,” Kaylee almost begged.

“We ain’t got to haul more horses,” Mal answered.

“Thank God for that,” Zoe muttered.

“This time it’s pigs.” Mal looked at them all and merely waited.

Shocked silence rippled across the room.

“For how many days?” Simon finally asked.

“I reckon about four,” Mal answered.

“Pigs?” Jayne said. “Are you serious? You want us living with those filthy critters for four damn days?” He noted Connor appraising him. “And don’t you go saying I should feel right at home,” he sneered.

Connor looked away but gave River a conspiratorial wink, earning a cute smile from her co-pilot.

“It’s a job,” Mal announced. “And we’re low on supplies. If we got to haul hogs to eat, then that’s what we’ll do.”

“We aren’t gonna actually, you know… eat the hogs, are we?” Kaylee asked timidly.

“Ham, bacon, pig’s feet… I could go for that.” Jayne almost seemed to drool at the idea as Kaylee gave him a look of disgust.

“No eating the cargo,” Zoe announced.

Jayne waved a hand at them. “You guys just don’t know how to barter is all. Shoulda had ‘em throw in a sow or two as part of the payment.”

“Maybe next time,” Mal drawled.

“So why pigs?” Connor asked.

Mal smiled at her. “By the way, everyone, I’m sure you noticed our newest addition. Say hi to the folks, Connor.”

Connor tilted her head and merely looked at him with a smile that made Mal nervous.

“Right,” Mal replied. “Ever been to Silver River?”

It was Connor’s turn to groan. “No. No, no, no… do you know what the punishment is if you get caught hauling any kind of meat there?”

“I believe it’s death,” Mal answered matter-of-factly.

“Seriously?” Kaylee asked with alarm. “They kill people for hauling meat?”

“The ruling party on Silver River believes very, very strongly that no animals should be eaten,” Connor explained.

“Don’t mean there ain’t a market there for meat, though,” Mal replied. “And why should we let some dietary differences of opinion keep us from earning a buck or two?”

“Mal, they string people up on hooks and let them bleed out in the public square. This goes a little deeper than ‘dietary differences.’” Connor got angrily to her feet. “And they have a security team there that means business. They catch you hauling, buying or even eating meat, they’ll kill you.”

“Hooks?” Simon’s voice was weak.

“I admit they’re a right bit forceful on the subject,” Mal agreed.

Connor looked at him incredulously.

“What’s the job, exactly?” Zoe asked as she tried to defuse the situation.

“We pick up the pigs from Reigert. Transport them to a little remote village on Silver River. Collect payment and fly out. What could go wrong?” Mal asked with a smile.

Kaylee groaned again, and even Jayne threw up his hands.

“Well plenty,” Jayne said. “Now that you gone and asked that question!”

****

“You settling in?”

Connor glanced over her shoulder as Zoe climbed the last of the steps onto the bridge. She shrugged. “You just tell me where to go, and I’ll get us there.” The pilot watched as Zoe settled her hip against the console. For now they were alone; River was somewhere below, hopefully sleeping, Connor mused.

Zoe eyed Connor uneasily as she sat in Wash’s chair. It would always be his chair. Him dying didn’t change that. She just hoped Connor wouldn’t continue their streak of bad luck. Zoe cleared her throat. “Look. We’re sort of a straggly bunch, it’s true, but we get the job done. And we’re loyal. We’ll have your back.”

Connor looked at her, and history floated between them. “Like I had yours at the battle for Serenity Valley?” she asked roughly. “I really never thought to see the likes of you or Mal cross my path again after that.”

Zoe crossed her arms. “There was nothing you could do.”

The pilot sighed as she raked a hand through her hair. Now wasn’t the time to talk about the past, and the rough edge that had entered Zoe’s voice suggested she wasn’t much interested in the subject, either. Connor took a quick glance over her shoulder, noticing the corridor behind them was empty. “So.”

“So,” Zoe said with a slight and relieved smile that Connor wasn’t going to go any further into memories she really didn’t want to dredge up.

“Thought you might have some questions.”

“You thought right.”

“River,” Zoe guessed.

“What’s wrong with her?”

“Aside from the Alliance cutting into her brain you mean?”

Connor winced and swore softly.

“She was this beautiful, gifted girl and the Alliance went rutting around in her head,” Zoe explained. “You should have seen her when she first came aboard. She was prone to these fits of madness. Even slashed Jayne with a knife one day.”

Alarm flared in Connor’s green eyes, but she held her concerns as Zoe shook her head.

“She’s not like that anymore. Since Miranda she’s gotten a lot better. Most times, I almost forget how she used to be. She’s just a sweet young woman now.”

“With homicidal tendencies,” Connor reminded her.

Zoe shrugged. “Like you and I don’t have those as well?”

The pilot smiled slightly, conceding the point.

“Is she bothering you?” Zoe asked worriedly.

“No. She… seems perfectly…” Connor shrugged, not sure what words were right to describe River. “I was just curious about who I was sharing the bridge with.”

“Ah.” Zoe smiled. “She’ll keep you entertained, I’ll wager.” She rubbed her bottom lip. “Listen, this deal with Reigert… I know we’re in a different place now, but the captain is still the captain. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t disagree with him quite so publicly. “

Connor shifted in her seat so she could lean back and look at Zoe. “He’s risking our lives for some hogs.”

“He’s risking our lives for some coin. We need to be able to eat, to keep fuel in this boat. This ain’t like the war,” Zoe explained to her in a serious voice. “We have our honor, but we got to take what jobs come our way. Trust me. We’ve had worse.”

“I’m not going to follow Mal blindly just because he wants to call himself captain now.”

“Not asking you to. Just disagree with him in private.”

Connor regarded her old friend for a long moment before finally dipping her head in acquiescence. “Fair enough. Can’t promise I won’t express my concerns with the others present, but I’ll try to do so a little more… civilly.”

“It’s a start.” Zoe squeezed her shoulder. “We’ll be at Whitefall in about half a day to pick up the cargo. You can stay on the bridge. No need to leave the ship unless you want to.”

“Sit here and relax or help you load a bunch of swine? What a difficult choice I’m faced with.”

Zoe patted the shoulder under her hand. “Good. Maybe you can keep River occupied.” She started for the stairs. “She likes to talk to the animals.”

The pilot nodded only to suddenly pause. “Wait. What?” she called after her retreating friend. Zoe’s light laughter floated back to her.

****

“That there is a lot of hogs,” Kaylee murmured as she stood next to Jayne on Serenity’s ramp. Mal and Zoe were discussing business with Reigert.

“Surely they wouldn’t miss just one,” Jayne said in a conspiratorial whisper.

“I wouldn’t lay odds on that,” Connor drawled as she strolled up behind the pair and watched the transaction taking place below. The hogs were milling about in a muddy pen, and the stench reached them even at this distance.

“Hey there,” Kaylee greeted Connor with a smile. “Didn’t expect to see you below.”

Connor shrugged. “Stretching my legs. I thought I’d come see what exactly we’re going to be hauling.” She hooked her thumbs onto her gun belt.

“I love your accent,” Kaylee said unexpectedly. “It just sounds so dangerous and sexy.”

The pilot’s eyebrows hiked to her hairline.

“You got to excuse Kaylee,” Jayne grumbled. “She pretty much says whatever is on her mind. Don’t got to worry about her jumpin’ you, though. She’s humping the doc.” Jayne grunted when the mechanic punched him in the arm, but he smiled wickedly.

“Good to know,” Connor replied even though she could have done without the information or visual. As she watched, a bag of coins changed hands between Reigert and Mal. “I don’t trust that guy.”

“Reigert?” Kaylee asked, not completely sure Connor wasn’t talking about the captain. “What’s to trust? But so far our dealings with him have been straight. He’s always paid.”

“Mmm.” Connor grimaced as the hogs squealed loudly. She hoped her bunk was soundproof or she wasn’t going to get a lick of rest for the next four days. A touch on her arm made her turn, and she watched as River almost seemed to glide up next to her. The girl was looking at the hogs in fascination.

Connor glanced down as River’s touch curled around her bicep and stayed there. Normally the pilot wasn’t too keen on people touching her, but her natural instincts to ease away seemed absent in River’s presence. “You hear what they’re thinking?” she curiously asked the younger woman.

River nodded but didn’t elaborate.

“All right,” Jayne grumped. He started down the ramp when he saw the business end was over and it was time for the labor to start. “We got hogs to haul, people,” he announced. “Let’s move.”

Connor stepped back, and River’s hold on her arm tightened briefly before the girl slowly released her. Connor hesitated, wondering if River wanted her to stay for some reason. “You all right?”

River nodded as she tucked her hair behind her ears. “I won’t keep you.”

The pilot lingered, torn between getting back to the bridge and learning more about this enigma of a young woman. With a sigh, she took River’s arm and urged her to back up and out of the way as the others started loading their cargo. “So tell me what they’re saying,” Connor said with a wave at the pigs.

River’s smile was beautiful, as if no one had ever asked her such a thing. She stood close to Connor and pointed at one especially large sow. “The rest are afraid, nervous, but not that one.”

Connor followed River’s line of sight, feeling charmed despite the noise and the stench. “Yeah? What’s that one thinking?”

“She’s going on an adventure.” River turned her gaze on Connor, her eyes sparkling before she looked back at the pigs with open curiosity.

Connor found she could look at nothing but River.

****


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please see chapter one for notes.

“This is gonna get a right bit tiring,” Mal declared blandly.

Zoe sighed but didn’t comment on the captain’s gift for understatement. They were into day two of their transport, and the hogs had been less than quiet when it came to expressing their unhappiness at being confined in Serenity’s hold.

“We done passed tiring last night,” Jayne grumped as he joined them on the steps and looked out over the jostling, snuffing mass of black and pink pigs. “Don’t nothing shut them up?”

As if in protest, one pig squealed so loudly that Mal thought his eardrums might bleed. “We could tranq ‘em all,” he suggested, liking the idea immensely.

“Nope.” Zoe sighed. “Reigert said no drugs. The Silver River folks want their hogs drug free. They’ll test ‘em, remember?”

Mal swore and tightened his grip on the railing in frustration. “There has got to be something we can do.” He saw movement out of the corner of his eye and looked up, discovering River on the top catwalk, her legs dangling as she stared down at the animals with rapt attention. Shaking his head, the captain looked back at Zoe. “Check with the doc. See if there is something we can give them that won’t show up on the screens.”

Zoe nodded before moving wearily off. She passed Connor and gave the pilot a friendly half wave.

“For the love of all that’s holy,” Connor said as she joined Jayne and Mal. “I’m going to throw myself out an airlock if I have to keep listening to this noise.”

“Take me with you?” Jayne joked, but only partly.

“Two more days and we collect the rest of our coin,” Mal reminded them.

Connor tilted her head, feeling the bones in her neck grind unhappily. She felt eyes on her and glanced upward. River smiled as their gazes met, and Connor tucked her thumbs into her belt loops as she regarded the young woman.

Mal followed Connor’s line of sight. “Looks like you two are hitting it right off.”

The pilot looked away from River reluctantly before fixing her gaze on Mal. “Fine,” she agreed. “Seems like she has a firm grasp on the controls.” River had, in fact, impressed the hell out of Connor with her knowledge of Serenity’s systems. The two had sealed the door to the bridge to mute some of the noise and had gone over everything the day before. As anti-social as Connor accepted she was, the pilot was surprised that she was able to spend hours in River’s company, sometimes merely sitting in silence and watching the stars.

Not once had River asked Connor about her life before she’d come to Serenity. The younger woman seemed to accept that topic was off limits. Connor respected her restraint and returned it in kind, refraining from asking River any of the questions she was most curious about. She wanted to know what River had gone through when she’d been held by the Alliance. What it was like to carry the memory of millions of souls inside her head… to know that she’d set those souls free to rest. But the questions had gone unspoken on Connor’s tongue.

Just like the questions in River’s eyes had been left unasked.

Her gaze lifted again, and the pilot felt her breath catch when she caught River still watching her. She noticed that River did that a lot, as if Connor were a puzzle to be figured out.

Several pigs squealed at once and Connor, Mal and Jayne winced.

“Anybody know how to speak pig?” Jayne asked. “Cause it would be nice to tell them to SHUT THE HELL UP!” The creatures reacted to his sudden increase in volume by shying away from the steps and moving back toward the cargo bay doors. The squealing increased ten-fold.

“I should kill you now,” Mal told Jayne.

Connor moved past them both, clambering up the steps and heading toward River’s position. The young woman watched her approach with open curiosity.

“Hi,” River greeted as she tucked her hair behind her ears.

Connor started to rest her right hand on the butt of her gun only to realize she wasn’t wearing one. Self-consciously she wrapped her fingers around the rail instead. “You can hear what they’re thinking, right?” She might have thought it weird to be asking the younger woman such a question, but the battle of Serenity Valley had changed all that. Connor had been a skeptic about readers and so-called psychics for years, until the night before the battle began. A reader had told them what would happen, how the battle would rage for weeks and weeks. They’d all scoffed at her, laughed at her. When every word had come true, Connor had been left a believer in the gift even if her belief in damn near everything else had been destroyed.

River nodded then tilted her head, indicating the Connor was welcome to join her. The pilot hesitated before awkwardly crouching and finally sitting next to River. They both watched the hogs moving about below for a few wordless moments.

“Can you really talk to them?” Connor finally asked.

“We can all talk to them,” River replied. “Jayne just did, although I don’t think they appreciated his tone.”

Connor’s lips twitched. “You know what I mean.” She glanced at River and found the woman already watching her with those fathomless eyes, the hazel deep and impenetrable and vast, like the depths of space itself. The pilot had, at times, been disconcerted by the juxtaposition of River’s youthful appearance and the impossibly old and omniscient gaze.

River looked like she was about to smile but didn’t. “I do,” she admitted with a serious nod.

The pilot crooked her head at the heard of hogs below. “Can you ask them to keep it down?”

“It’s not their natural state to be that quiet,” River admitted. “Especially when they’re scared.”

“Could you ask them to keep it down when we’re sleeping?” Connor offered as a compromise.

River tilted her head again, a curious expression entering her eyes. “You really believe I can talk to them?”

Hesitating, Connor wondered if River had just played her for a fool. “I…”

“Because even Simon doesn’t really believe I can talk to them. He says he does, he pretends like he does, but… even after all he’s seen me do…” River lapsed into silence and the pilot wondered what memory the young woman was reliving.

Connor took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “If there is anyone who can actually talk to animals around here, I’m thinking it’s you, River Tam.” She teased as she put her elbows on the rail and watched the herd, feeling River’s gaze on her profile. “Maybe I’m crazy,” she confessed as she cocked her head and glanced sidelong at the girl, a small curve shaping her lips.

“I’ll have a chat with them,” River promised solemnly. “Make sure they don’t bother you tonight.”

Connor nodded. “I would be much obliged.”

“I like that,” River said unexpectedly.

Connor looked at her again. “Like what?”

“When you say my name,” was the surprising answer. River offered Connor a shy smile before she got to her bare feet and left the pilot alone on the catwalk.

****

“So.”

Kaylee glanced up, a smear of dark grease on her cheek. “What?”

Simon leaned in the doorway of the engine room and watched her work. They were both physicians in a way, he mused. He kept the crew of Serenity running while Kaylee kept the ship operational. Sometimes he thought Kaylee had the harder patient and had said as much, but she just laughed and informed him that Serenity didn’t bleed all over here. Obviously oil didn’t count to the mechanic. “What do you think of the new pilot?”

Kaylee hopped off the engine and wiped her oily hands on her coveralls. She shrugged as she dropped a wrench into her toolbox. “Seems a bit quiet, but nice enough, I suppose. Why?”

The doctor shrugged as well as he pushed off the wall and came closer. “River seems taken.”

The mechanic smiled. “She does, don’t she?” Kaylee grabbed a mug of tea and took a sip. “I think she finds Connor all mysterious-like. Wants to know what’s goin’ on in that pretty head.”

“You think she’d pretty?” Simon asked with a slight smile.

“You sayin’ you don’t?” Kaylee gave her lover a look and he chuckled.

“Not as pretty as you,” he answered.

“Uh-huh,” Kaylee drawled before finishing off her tea. “You worried? I mean, about River takin’ some kind of shine to Connor?” She put her hip against the engine housing and watched as Simon picked up a tool off her workbench and studied it curiously.

Simon shrugged again. “No reason to be, I suppose.”

The mechanic’s eyes narrowed. “Might not be a reason,” she agreed. “But I’m sensin’ you’re concerned.”

Simon set the tool down before running his hands through his hair. “It’s just…” He shook his head. “Never mind. It’s stupid.”

“Come on now,” Kaylee replied as she moved closer, careful not to brush up against him in her dirty clothes. “If you can’t tell me…” She left the sentence playfully hanging.

“River watched the last six pilots die,” Simon said softly. “And she wasn’t attached to any of them.”

“It’s only been a few days, Simon,” Kaylee pointed out. “And maybe Connor will be different. Maybe Wash will approve and leave her alone.”

The doctor grimaced. “You really think Wash is haunting the pilot’s chair?” He adored Kaylee’s carefree attitude and her willingness to take delightful flights of fancy, but ghosts weren’t something they entirely agreed upon.

“Well what else could be killin’ all those poor pilots?”

“How about bad luck?”

“Six pilots in two years since Wash died?” Kaylee shook her head. “That there’s more than bad luck. That there’s a curse.”

“Kaylee, Wash was a good man. He wouldn’t kill anyone he didn’t have to.”

“Maybe he feels like he has to,” Kaylee answered sagely. “Maybe he thinks none of them is good enough for us. It’s his way of keepin’ us all safe.”

Simon shook his head. “I just… I don’t want her getting attached to someone who could be dead in a few weeks.”

Kaylee crossed her arms. “So you don’t believe in ghosts, but you’ll believe in something as random as luck?”

“Luck and ghosts aside,” Simon began, trying to get to the heart of his concerns.

“Luck and ghosts aside,” Kaylee said, cutting him off, “You’re worried she’ll get attached, and Connor will die.”

“Well… Yes.”

“Then that would hold true for anyone, Simon. You sayin’ you don’t want River to make new friends? To maybe find love with someone some day?”

“Love?” Simon shook his head with more force. “With my sister? She’s damaged still, Kaylee.”

“There is someone for everyone, Simon. And River is a right bit better than when you two came aboard three years ago.”

“She is,” Simon admitted. “But she feels too much. You see what she’s like when we’re close to Reavers…”

“Yeah,” the mechanic replied dryly. “Reavers and bein’ in love are so similar.”

“You know what I mean.”

“I honestly don’t.” Kaylee picked her wrench up again. “Sounds more to me like you’re afraid of River findin’ someone. Then maybe she won’t need her big brother so much anymore.”

Simon frowned. “You think I don’t want her to have everything that life has to offer? That I don’t want her to find love, a family?”

“Well she ain’t goin’ to find neither if you’re always worried about her becomin’ attached now is she?” Kaylee gave him a sympathetic smile as she got down on hands and knees and eased under the engine housing.

“You know I hate it when you’re all wise and knowing,” Simon teased in a droll voice.

Kaylee extended one arm and flipped him off. Feeling properly chastised but still worried about his sister and the pilot, the doctor left his lover to her patient.

****

“Now that’s a right nice thing to hear.”

Connor didn’t look at Mal as he spoke from behind her. The captain stepped onto the bridge, coming to stand next to her as he looked out the viewport at the vast space beyond it.

“I don’t hear anything,” Connor finally answered after he’d stood there for a full five minutes. Talking to him seemed to be the only way to make him leave.

“Exactly,” Mal said with a smile.

Connor listened, realizing that the ship was silent for the first time in two days. She glanced at her watch and noted the time. “Huh.”

“What?” Mal asked.

“Nice that they got quiet just as I’m about to turn in.”

“Right respectful of ‘em,” Mal agreed with a bit of a grin. “Wonder what quieted ‘em down.”

Connor glanced at him and suspected he knew full well what had hushed the hogs. She shrugged. “Doesn’t much matter, does it?”

“Don’t suppose it does.” Mal hook his thumbs in his belt loops and rocked a bit back and forth on his heels. “That was some flyin’ you did the other day.”

“It’s amazing what I can do when I don’t want to get eaten by a bunch of cannibals.”

Mal’s smile broadened. “You’re as good a pilot as I remember.”

Connor’s eyes narrowed. “You’re not trying to bury the hatchet here, are you?”

“Not working?”

“Not remotely.”

“Damn.” Mal waited for a minute before shrugging. “Oh well. Can’t blame a man for tryin’. Sleep well, Connor.”

The pilot closed her eyes and shook her head as he left. Damn it all if the iciness she felt toward him wasn’t starting to thaw just a trifle. The pilot heard him say goodnight to Zoe in the corridor below. A moment later, another set of boots sounded on the stairs and Zoe emerged on the bridge.

“That is a blessed sound,” Zoe said in way of greeting, ignoring the unsettled feeling she got every time she saw Connor in her dead husband’s chair.

“Best not get used to it,” Connor replied. “Something tells me they’ll be back at their squealing finest in the morning.”

“A decent night sleep will make that much more endurable. You turning in?”

Connor checked to make sure there was nothing on her screens or long-range sensors before setting the autopilot and getting to her feet. “I am.” Her green eyes went to the empty co-pilot’s seat, and she felt a pang of regret at not being able to say goodnight to River. She decided it wouldn’t hurt to go thank the girl for the peace and quiet before heading to bed. “You seen River?”

“Last I saw her she was back in the hold. Told you she likes to talk to the creatures.” They descended the stairs together.

“Maybe she’s the one who got them to be quiet,” Connor suggested innocently.

Zoe chuckled. “Wouldn’t surprise me. She’s got a way, that’s for sure.” She shoved open her door. “Night, Connor.”

“Night, Zoe.” Connor waited until her friend’s hatch was closed and secured for the night. With a tired sigh, she started for the hold, savoring the hum of the ship’s engine and the quiet of space beyond the hull.

River was back on the upper catwalk. Her bare legs hung over the side where she sat, her chin on her arms where they rested on the rail. Her dark brown eyes fastened on Connor and a smile lit up her face.

Connor found it hard to believe she could put a smile on someone’s face as pretty as that. “Evening,” she greeted River as she settled in place next to her.

“Evening,” River replied quietly. “I thought you’d be asleep now.”

“On my way,” Connor confessed. She dipped her head at the quietly milling heard of hogs. “Thanks for getting them to be quiet.”

“I promised them some extra treats in the morning,” River replied.

“Whatever it takes for a decent night’s sleep.” Connor rubbed at her tense neck and looked at River, realizing too late that a decent night’s sleep was probably something the young woman rarely experienced for herself.

But River just nodded. “I’m glad I could help.”

“Since no one on this boat seems to do anything for free, I guess I owe you something as well,” Connor told her in a light tone.

“Just having you here is enough,” River replied innocently.

The pilot blinked, caught off guard by the softly spoken sentiment. “Well,” she replied in a hoarse voice. “I think I’ll still manage to come up with something.”

“I’m sure you will,” River said more seriously. She frowned a little as if she were thinking about something, maybe seeing something in her mind’s eyes that she didn’t want to see.

“You okay?” Connor asked softly.

“Actually, there is a… treat… you could give me.”

“Yeah?” Connor asked with a hesitant smile.

“You could tell me your first name.”

Connor sucked down a surprised breath. “I don’t use that anymore.”

“I know. I sensed that. But I would really like to know it.” Wide doe-eyes looked at Connor beseechingly.

The pilot snorted as she felt her resistance crumble with disgusting ease. “That there is a very effective look.”

The corner of River’s lips turned down, which added to the pout and the weakening of Connor’s resolve. Humor danced in those dark brown eyes, though, and Connor heard herself speak before she even realized she had decided to.

“Sarah.”

River tilted her head, her features softening as if she were enchanted. “Sarah Connor,” she said as if she were tasting the name and enjoying it.

Connor shrugged jerkily. It felt weird hearing that name spoken aloud for the first time in almost ten years, but hearing it on River’s tongue was oddly nice.

“I won’t tell the others,” River promised.

“Best not,” Connor warned her playfully as she turned her head and watched the hogs below. “I might have to kill you.”

Without warning, River leaned over and quickly kissed Connor’s cheek, making the older woman start in surprise. “Goodnight, Sarah Connor,” River said as she scurried to her feet and left the pilot alone.

Connor touched her cheek in surprise. She laughed a little at herself and River’s antics. The damn girl kept her guessing.

She rather liked that.

****


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please see chapter one for notes.

_What have I done?_

Connor stared at the bulkhead above as she lay in her bunk. Her body was tired, but her thoughts spun helplessly in a constant, frustrating circle. The pilot couldn’t fathom why she’d shared her first name with River. Sarah was who she had been. Sarah was the one who’d made all the mistakes and had all the regrets. Connor had jettisoned all that when she’d let go of that name years ago. What had possessed her to let that ghost of her former self have a moment in the present? She hated that name now, hated everything it represented. Had anyone else called her Sarah she probably would have pulled out her pistol and shot them. But River…

The pilot fingered the locket at her throat, remembering the way River had spoken her full name with such pleasure. It had meant something to the girl, Connor sharing her name with her. She wasn’t exactly sure why it was so important to River, but could Connor, in good conscience, take back that show of trust and forbid River to ever call her Sarah again? Connor knew she wanted to, but it made her feel ugly and cruel. With all that River had been put through in her young life, Connor wasn’t sure she could be so callous to the girl. She didn’t want to be.

And a tiny part of her had savored hearing her full name fall from River’s lips. Connor accepted the truth of that, but she didn’t much like the knowledge or understand what it meant. All she knew was that she felt like she was standing on a very slippery slope, and she was losing her footing fast.

Connor sighed as she felt her thoughts finally beginning to slow and settle. The silence she was immersed in was heavenly, and the pilot reminded herself that it was a gift from the very woman that was preoccupying her thoughts. She wondered what it was like for River, to be able to communicate with the creatures like that. Did they talk in words? Images? Emotions? Connor made a mental note to ask. River’s gift fascinated her. She sensed others on the ship were uncomfortable with the younger Tam’s talents, but Connor found them useful.

Sleep beckoned more insistently, but Connor knew it wouldn’t come until she’d made a decision. Could she, for River’s sake, be Sarah Connor again? That part of her life was dead and buried, locked away tight like the photo in her locket. Opening the latch on that door was just asking for trouble. Those wounds on her soul still ached, even if they were scarred over by years of hard living.

But maybe it was those wounds that had spoken her name before Connor had thought to say it. Maybe they needed some comfort, a balm of sorts, that only a gentle spirit like River could bestow.

“Guess it will be our secret, girlie,” she murmured as her eyes slipped shut at last.

****

River lay in her bunk, staring at the ceiling. The rest of the crew slept peacefully as Serenity continued her journey through space, moving ever closer to Silver River and their next adventure. Something about their destination was worrying a sliver of River’s mind, but the rest of her brilliant brain was entirely too focused on another topic to give her concerns much attention.

Sarah Connor.

She whispered the pilot’s name although there was no need. Simon was in Kaylee’s bunk, and the ship carried no paying passengers. River was alone in the passenger quarters and that suited her just fine. The captain had offered her a bunk with the crew a ways back, but she’d declined, opting to remain in her familiar, well-lit space. It also kept her from experiencing the crew’s dreams and nightmares with more intensity than she already did. Trying to sleep so close to them only kept her up all night.

But tonight it was thoughts of their pilot that whirled in River’s brain. Connor’s green eyes and voice had captivated her. It didn’t matter if the pilot was talking about flying or philosophy or swearing at a stuck switch, River found she could listen to the woman all day. She was delighted every time she caught Sarah smirking at Mal behind his back. River noticed how Sarah’s hands always wanted to rest on the butt of a gun at her hips, even when the weapons weren’t there. And when Sarah smiled…

River felt her stomach flutter just thinking about that grin. She had felt a taste of these feelings before from Simon as he’d grown closer to Kaylee. Her brother had been sweetly distracted for months, and she could still remember his bursts of joy and shy pleasure just being in the mechanic’s presence. River thought about talking to Simon about what she was feeling, but she sensed asking him would only stir up questions she felt oddly reluctant to answer. River loved her brother, but his protective streak got to be a bit trying at times. He still treated her like she was his little sister, as if she were barely old enough to cross a street without him holding her hand. Not that River blamed him. After what the Alliance had done to her, Simon had good reason to worry. She’d been troublesome before Miranda, and her fits of madness then haunted her brother to this day.

Glancing at the time, River sighed. She was still hours away from seeing Connor again. Her fingers drummed on her chest with impatience. The night was passing too slowly. She wanted to be back in Connor’s presence, learning what made her smile… what made her mad… what drove her. River had never met anyone as fascinating as Sarah.

The pilot just seemed to accept River, quirks and all. Not even Simon did that. He was still trying to “fix” her… still trying to get back the sister he once knew. River didn’t have the heart to tell him that version of herself died a long time ago, probably the first time the doctors had cut on her brain at the Academy.

It had taken time to come to terms with who she was now, to feel comfortable in her own skin. Rather than fighting her gifts, some Gods-given and others manmade, she’d learned to embrace them. Talking to the animals was just one of the many talents she’d honed over the last few years. Her mind took in everything; from the input of her five senses to the thoughts and feelings of the living things around her. Practice had taught her to sift and sort through the information, allowing her to pluck out what was useful or interesting. Practice had also helped her to keep from being overwhelmed by it all. Simon had explained to her that the surgery the Alliance had performed on her made her feel every emotion in all its glory or pain. But River’s brain had rewired itself over time, making allowances for what was done to her. She still felt more, experienced more, than everyone around her, and yet there were times River thought she handled her emotions better than the crew who had far more control over what they were feeling than she ever would. There was so much she could do that the crew and Simon didn’t know about because none of them ever asked about her gifts. River knew they were afraid to know.

But not Sarah. Sarah wanted to know. Sarah wanted to know all about her, even the things River didn’t want to know about herself.

After all this time, the crew was still wary towards her. River understood and accepted it. She loved the crew of Serenity, but she’d never felt completely a part of them. Not until Connor had settled next to her on the catwalk and asked her for her help.

The request had been such a simple one, but Sarah had no idea how much it had meant to River to be asked. The pilot believed her, seemed to believe in her. For the first time since her imprisonment by the Alliance, River felt like she could finally be who she was with someone with no reservations.

She closed her eyes and thought of Connor’s smile. Sarah wasn’t dreaming right now, but River could sense she was asleep. The pilot’s peace washed over her and carried River down into her own slumber where she dreamed off jade-green eyes and teasing smirks…

Until that sliver of her mind preoccupied with Silver River grabbed hold of her dreams… and River saw what she’d been too preoccupied to see.

****

Through the fog of sleep, Connor felt the shift, the altering of their course. It was subtle, a mere change in vibration, but her eyes snapped open as if someone had grabbed her and shaken her awake.

She scrambled to her feet and dressed quickly, taking a moment to buckle her gun belt and check her weapons before moving up and into the corridor as quietly as possible. It was deathly silent, and Connor took a moment to listen to the absence of sound, waiting to hear a breath, a footfall…

A shadow moved on the bridge. Connor slid her gun out her right holster and eased forward, her breath slow and shallow. She took the steps quietly, her gun ready should the person altering their heading be armed and waiting. When she emerged onto the bridge, she froze.

“River?”

The young woman spun to look at her then started shaking her head. “They’re waiting. Always waiting. Always waiting to take you back.” River turned back to the controls, her brown eyes void of personality and light. Her movements were almost mechanical as she reached for the controls.

Connor holstered her weapon as she realized the girl’s intent and leapt forward before River could commence a full burn. She grabbed River by the shoulders and spun her around, slamming her none too gently against the bulkhead and using her muscle to hold her there. “River!” Connor didn’t know if the girl was in the grip of a dream or something darker, but River’s pretty brown eyes were unfocused and glazed, and she continued to shake her head viciously. The pilot gripped each side of River’s face and forced her to look straight ahead, to see her.

“River, I need you to hear me,” Connor barked.

Comprehension entered and retreated in River’s gaze, flickering in and out like a light bulb in its death throes. The younger woman went still as tears welled up and spilled over. “I can’t go,” she whispered, her declaration sounding more like a plea. Her fingers fisted in Sarah’s shirt. “Please, don’t make me, please… I can’t go. They’re there. They’re waiting.”

Connor felt a chill take her. She eased her grip on River but kept her palms framing the girl’s face. “River, where are you? Are you here with me?”

River’s fingers left Sarah’s shirt to curl around the pilot’s rough hands. “I have to turn us around. They’re waiting. You don’t understand.” Her features crumpled as fear and sadness overwhelmed her, her damaged mind unable to deal with the sudden deluge of emotion. She wished she could make Sarah understand. No one ever understood… not until it was too late.

“Make me understand,” Connor pleaded, scared for both the girl and herself. River started struggling against her and Connor grunted, startled by the girl’s deceptive strength. They grappled as River started pushing on Connor in a desperate attempt to get to Serenity’s controls. “Dammit, River…”

It was a small blessing that River wasn’t using the skills Connor knew the girl possessed to get away. Connor was no slouch in a fight, but she suspected a girl who could take on a room full of Reavers was not one to be messed with. Using her muscle, Connor shoved River back before spinning and rushing to the helm, killing the power to the engines.

The move worked and River stilled as Serenity did.

“Okay,” Connor breathed. “We’re stopped.” She eased back toward the girl, her hands out to her sides so River wouldn’t perceive her as a threat. “Now I need you to be in the moment with me here.”

River nodded. “I am. I’m always in the moment even when I’m not.”

“Good, I think. Now tell me why you turned us around.”

“They’re there. They’re waiting.”

“Who is?”

River fisted her hands then started striking herself about the head, trying to pummel the thoughts and images screaming across her brain. She could see them all dying, all screaming. Mal, her brother, Kaylee… so much pain… so much blood. Sarah’s hands were on her again, hot and callused, as the pilot grabbed her wrists.

“Dammit!” Connor hissed. “Hey!” She yelled. “I need help up here!” The pilot kept shouting as she wrapped River up in a full body hug and dragged the woman to the floor in an effort to keep her from doing either of them harm.

Minutes crawled by before Connor heard the clang of a hatch opening. A moment later, Zoe appeared on the bridge. The older woman swore when she saw Connor on the floor, a shaking, muttering River in her arms.

“Get the doc,” Connor commanded. “Get the doc!” She repeated when Zoe took too long for her liking to move. Zoe turned and scrambled back down the stairs.

With help coming, Connor shifted her attention back to the shaking woman in her arms. “Shhhh,” Connor whispered in River’s ear. “I’ve got you. No one is gonna hurt you.”

“Two by two, hands of blue.” River started muttering the phrase as she began to rock, almost in a catatonic state.

Connor could only hold her and whisper soothing words. Wherever River was now in her head, the woman was beyond her reach. A lance of anger pierced through the pilot as she thought about what the Alliance had done to the woman in her arms. How they’d broken this beautiful creature, damaged her so. She put her forehead down on River’s shoulder and began to rock with her.

River’s motions slowed and her voice trailed off into nothing. Finally all was silent, but still they rocked together in a gentle rhythm as voices began to reach them both from below. Connor felt the woman stir in her arms.

“River?” The pilot murmured, her voice husky.

River’s eyes teared when she realized where she was, what she’d been doing. She could have hurt Sarah, could have hurt them all. “It hasn’t happened in so long.”

“I know,” Connor breathed, even though she didn’t. She tightened her hold on the girl and felt River curl into her, seeking her heat, her comfort. Connor felt the burn of tears in reaction and willed them not to fall.

Simon clattered up the steps and stumbled onto the bridge with Zoe right behind him. He came up short, stunned to find his sister in the pilot’s arms. “What happened?” he blurted.

River shook her head. “I… I lost myself. They were inside… I couldn’t…” She closed her eyes, wishing for the words to explain, wishing for clarity and calm.

Connor met Simon’s gaze when it slid to hers. “She wasn’t herself,” was all she could think to say.

Other members of the crew crowded onto the bridge in various stages of dress. Mal noticed the ship wasn’t moving as he raked his hands through his disheveled hair. “Why are we dead in the water?”

“Because I stopped us,” Connor snapped and had the satisfaction of seeing anger flash in Mal’s eyes. To his credit, though, the captain held his temper in check under the circumstances.

Simon knelt next to his sister before tenderly brushing a lock of her hair behind her ear. “River? Mei-mei? Tell me what happened. Did you forget your meds?”

River shook her head. She didn’t tell him that she hadn’t taken his drugs in almost a year. “I was dreaming. Then I was awake and dreaming. I… I…”

Simon had to look away. He thought they’d made so much progress. Setbacks were always a possibility, but it had been so damn long… He felt Kaylee’s touch on his shoulder, a gesture of wordless comfort, as he drew in a breath.

“She kept saying we can’t go there. That they’re waiting,” Connor told the others when Simon had collected himself and started examining the woman still in Connor’s arms. River seemed to be in no hurry to move, and Connor was oddly reluctant to let her go.

“Who?” Jayne demanded from his position on the steps.

Connor shrugged. “She was saying ‘two by two, hands of blue’ if that means anything to anybody.” River shuddered in Sarah’s arms, and Sarah tightened her hold again. “Someone get me a damn blanket.”

“I’ll do it,” Kaylee volunteered before hurrying off.

Simon and Jayne exchanged glances and the others noticed.

“What?” Mal demanded. “You know what that means?”

They both shook their heads.

“Don’t know what it means,” Jayne said. “But we heard her say it before. That scam we pulled… when we stole those medical supplies on Ariel… someone came and started killing off those Alliance guards.”

“And River kept repeating that phrase,” Simon added.

Everyone was quiet as they digested that while waiting for Kaylee to return. Mal sighed and hooked his thumbs in his belt loops. “Well now then. That’s right unsettlin’.”

Connor shook her head almost in sync with Zoe at the understatement.

With a sigh, Mal knelt next to Simon and took River in. Slowly she lifted her gaze to look at him and the captain gave her a sad smile. “Who are they, River?”

“Bad men,” River got out.

“Well that made sense, at least,” Jayne groused.

“Jayne,” Zoe scolded.

“I could have told you that much, though,” the mercenary grumbled.

Mal took a breath and clearly tried to rein in some patience. “Who has hands of blue, River? Is that who is waiting for us? Are they waiting at Silver River?”

“Captain, it was probably just a dream,” Simon suggested.

“I put more stock in your sister’s dreams than I do in a lot of people’s wakin’ thoughts, doctor. River has proven herself well enough.” Mal’s gaze slid to Connor’s, and he was surprised to see something other than animosity looking back at him for a change.

River looked at him hopefully. “They’re bad men,” she repeated. “They kill. They take. They destroy.” Simple sentences were all her tired, overloaded brain could manage.

“Are they Alliance?” Connor asked quietly, her breath ghosting across River’s neck and raising gooseflesh.

River nodded as she soaked up Connor’s nearness. Even though there was still danger, she felt safe in the other woman’s arms. The pilot smelled good. All soap, leather, cotton and gun oil. “They work for Parliament.”

“Shit,” Jayne muttered. “And they’re waiting for us on Silver River?” He moved aside as Kaylee returned with some blankets.

“No,” River murmured as Kaylee handed the blankets to Simon and Connor.

“No? I thought you said they were waiting for us there, River,” Mal said gently.

“Not for you,” River replied as Connor slipped a blanket over her shoulders. “For me.”

****

“Dammit. Dammit!”

Mal kicked the table in the galley, sending spoons and metal mugs clattering. “He set us up. Reigert sold us out. He’s out for the reward on River.”

“We don’t know that, sir,” Zoe said carefully. She sat at the table and watched the captain pace. Jayne and Kaylee were also present while Connor and Simon were below with River. “No one has made a move on River in a long time. Most are afraid of her, the rest respect her. The Alliance has been too fractured to pay her much mind.”

“River ain’t had an… episode… in a long time. Not like that,” Kaylee commented sorrowfully. “Somethin’ had to set her off good.”

“Hands of blue,” Jayne muttered, but everyone could hear the unease in his voice.

“Did you see who she was talking about?” Mal asked Jayne.

Jayne shook his head and took a sip of his mead. “Heard the screaming, though,” he confessed. “Didn’t much feel like hanging around to be introduced.”

Mal stopped pacing and put his hands on the table. “So what are we gonna do?” he asked all of them.

“You’re asking us, sir?” Zoe inquired with some surprise.

“Well we gotta decide if River was just having a bad dream or if this is real-like.” Mal shook his head. “Kaylee’s right. River ain’t had an attack like this in a long while. Something set her off.”

“If it’s these blue handed people, we don’t want to mess with ‘em,” Jayne told them bluntly. “I don’t know what they were doing to the Alliance guards, but those screams could chill a man’s blood.”

“What Reigert will do to us if we don’t deliver his cargo could have the same effect,” Mal muttered.

They all looked at each other.

“So what we’re sayin’ is we’re humped either way, right?” Kaylee hesitantly asked.

Mal shook his head again. “It never goes smooth. Why does it never go smooth?”

****

River’s fingers were long and tapered and felt cold where they were wrapped around Connor’s. Sarah studied them, keeping her eyes off the rest of the infirmary. She hated hospitals, sick wards… anything that reminded her of her own mortality. The pilot itched to get up, to move, but River’s desperate grip on her hand kept her rooted in place. Connor licked her dry lips and looked up at the girl’s profile. River’s tears had thankfully dried, but now the younger woman simply looked exhausted. Without thinking, Connor ran her free hand through River’s soft hair. Her actions drew River’s attention and those wide, brown eyes focused on Connor as Simon moved about behind them.

“I’m sorry,” River said softly.

Connor smiled reassuringly. “Nothing to be sorry for.”

“I went crazy.”

The pilot’s smile widened a fraction. “Maybe a little.”

“You think I’m crazy.”

“No.” Connor’s voice was firm. “I think you have something that’s both a gift and a curse.” Because it seemed to sooth them both, Connor ran her hand through the girl’s hair again. “I hear you haven’t had a spell like this in a while.”

“I haven’t,” River sighed. She looked so tired it hurt Connor’s heart to look at her. “I thought these were over.”

Connor eased forward, resting her elbows on her knees but never letting go of River’s hand. “Was it a dream?”

River shook her head. “It started in one.”

“But then you woke up and it was real,” Sarah spoke slowly as she tried to understand.

“It was real in both,” River corrected. “I knew, but I didn’t want to know. My brain made me see.”

Speaking of brains, Connor decided this conversation was starting to hurt hers. She rubbed absently at her forehead with her free hand. “Let me see if I can translate here. You’ve known there was something up with Silver River, but it took your subconscious to tell you what it was?”

River stared at Connor for so long the pilot almost wondered if the girl was having another attack. Very slowly, River nodded.

“Okay then,” Connor murmured. “Glad we got that straightened out.”

A tiny flicker of a smile lit River’s weary features, and Connor felt a flare of triumph at the sight.

“River?” Simon’s voice interrupted the moment.

“I’m about to get scolded,” River informed Connor with a resigned sigh.

Simon approached the bed. “Your blood tests show no medicine in your system.”

“Told you,” River said and Connor looked down at her boots to hide her smile from the upset doctor.

“How long have you not been taking your meds?” Simon demanded.

“A year.”

“A year!”

“Doc,” Connor spoke simply and interrupted the explosion she could see brewing in Simon’s eyes. “She’s obviously not needed it.”

“She obviously needed it tonight,” he snapped.

Connor wasn’t so sure. “River.” The pilot ignored Simon as she scooted closer to the girl. “Who are the people with hands of blue?”

“They’re some sort of Parliament…” Simon lapsed into silence when Connor held up her hand and cut him off.

“Let her tell us what they are to her.”

River looked from her brother back to Connor. “They’re contractors.”

“Contractors?” Connor asked.

“A step down from operatives,” River explained. “They’ve been lobotomized, programmed. All they know is the mission, and they’ll do whatever it takes to fulfill it.”

Simon and Sarah exchanged concerned glances. Both were all too aware of what operatives were capable of, having each experienced one’s relentless pursuit under differing circumstances.

“And how do you know about these ‘contractors?’” Simon asked gently.

“Any time a student would escape the Academy, the contractors would hunt them down and bring them back. They were always bringing me back.” River looked up at her brother. “Until you came for me.”

Connor took a breath and tried to control the sudden swell of anger. “I bet they got to know you pretty well,” she teased.

River’s brown eyes darted to Sarah’s face and the younger woman managed a smirk. Connor snorted and shook her head, proud of River’s rebellion.

“I’ve heard of contractors,” Simon murmured as he pulled a stool over and sat. “I thought they were a myth.”

It made sense to use them to retrieve the students, Connor thought. “They would have performed their task like machines. No emotion for students like River to detect.”

River rolled toward Connor, pulling their joined hands up under her chin.

Connor watched her, her heart melting a little at River’s actions. The woman trusted her blindly. It was a gift Connor felt she didn’t deserve but was touched by it nevertheless. Any remaining thoughts of telling River not to call her Sarah dissolved into the ether.

“You can detect their absence of emotion,” River corrected. “If you know what the emptiness feels like.”

Something told the pilot she didn’t want to know. “River,” Connor spoke softly. “You had this attack because there are contractors on Silver River?”

River hesitated before slowly nodding.

“I know it’s been a long time since you had an attack like this,” Connor said carefully, hoping her next words would ease River’s troubled spirit. “But it would seem that this is a good thing, right? We know they’re there.”

The rigidity in River’s body seemed to dissolve when the younger woman realized Connor was right. As much as she hated episodes like the one on the bridge, they could serve a useful purpose.

“They want to take me back,” River whispered.

“We won’t let them,” Connor promised.

****


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please see chapter one for notes.

Mal stood in the now empty galley, his hands resting on the edge of the table as he cast his thoughts back over the last two years. They’d been too lucky for too long. Some unfortunate mishaps with six pilots aside, things had gone well for the crew of Serenity. They’d found more honest work with the Alliance in disarray, and even if honest work didn’t pay as well as its opposite, it was good on the soul. Even Jayne hadn’t complained… much.

The captain and crew had looked over their shoulders for the better part of a year after Miranda, but nobody had been back there that they hadn’t expected to be. It was as if the ‘Verse decided that River Tam was not to be messed with after slaughtering a room full of Reavers, and by extension the crew she lived among was sacrosanct as well. It had been a nice change, Mal lamented, but it looked like their peaceful days were coming to an end.

The easy thing would be to hand over River and her brother and go on about their merry way, but Mal had discarded that option long ago, and he wasn’t inclined to give it much thought now. River was, in her own way, the very soul of the ship. Handing her over was simply not a card to be played… no matter what hand the Alliance dealt him.

So that meant running. Or fighting. Maybe both. Probably both.

“You were good with her.”

Mal glanced over his shoulder. He hadn’t heard Connor come up from the infirmary below. She had always had impressive stealth skills, especially for a pilot who really didn’t need them. “She deserves some goodness,” he answered quietly. “Lord knows she ain’t had much the last several years.”

Connor nodded at that as she stepped into the galley and approached him. “You care about her.” The pilot seemed mildly surprised by her observation.

“Ain’t a hard thing to do,” Mal agreed. He watched as Connor took a seat at the table. They remained silent for several minutes, listening to the hum of the ship. Zoe had restarted the engines, but they were essentially treading water.

“I believe her.”

Mal heard the challenge in Connor’s voice. “So do I,” he replied quietly, watching as the tense set of her shoulders relaxed. Connor had been spending a lot of time with River, and a part of Mal was relieved that the pilot was already as protective of her as the rest of the crew.

Connor could be damn loyal once she got to know a person and decided they were worth their salt. Still, that she’d taken to River so quickly was a bit of a surprise, even if it was a welcome one.

Heavens help a soul that crossed the pilot, though, Mal thought. Connor’s memory was long and sharp. Betray her, and she would not forget. Mal knew all about that. It was just damn unfortunate that he couldn’t remember that drunken night all those years ago. If he was going to be left out in the cold, the least the fates could do was let him remember the heat that put him there.

Connor picked up a knife and began spinning it between her fingers. The light caught on the blade as it twirled, sending flashes of silver dancing across the stenciled yellow walls. “So what are we going to do? If she’s right and there are contractors there…”

“Contractors?” Mal’s voice was hoarse from where he’d been lost in thought.

The pilot relayed what River had told them about the men with the hands of blue and watched a shiver chase down Mal’s spine. “We can’t let them have her.”

“We won’t. But we have to deliver the goods. We need the coin… and the peace and quiet.”

“So what are we going to do?” Connor repeated, seeming to accept he was in charge for once.

“Well… I’ve been thinking on a plan.” Mal looked up at her then glared. “Ain’t no need to look at me like that,” he said when he saw Connor’s dubious expression.

“It’s just… if memory serves… your plans often don’t go accordingly.”

“Be that as it may, I got one. You want to hear it and add your two cents or you want to keep being pissed at me?”

“I can’t do both?” Connor toyed with the knife, a half-smile pulling at the corner of her lips as she asked.

The captain smiled. “Didn’t realize how much I’d missed that English wit,” he drawled.

“Mmm.” Connor didn’t take the bait. “So whatever this plan is of yours, it better not involve River going planet side.”

“It don’t.”

“Then I’m listening.”

****

The door to the shuttle slid to with a clang. Kaylee noted her hands were shaking where they rested on the handle, and she swore softly at her own fear. Sometimes she felt like a complete waste of space on Serenity. If the engine didn’t need tending to, then there wasn’t much she could do to make herself all that useful.

The mechanic sighed and sat down on the steps, looking across the way at the second shuttle door. Her friend Inara was usually behind that door, the metal and bolts of her ship hidden behind beautiful satin drapes. Inara’s quarters were as exotic as she was, and Kaylee ached for the Companion’s company at that moment, even if she were glad Inara would be nowhere near the trouble that was coming.

“You okay?”

Kaylee jumped and glanced down to find Zoe watching her knowingly. “Yeah. Just thinkin’.”

Zoe’s eyes cut to Inara’s door. “She’ll be back aboard soon enough.” The older woman climbed the steps and wrapped one hand around the nearest catwalk support pole as she looked down at the mechanic. “The shuttle prepped and ready?”

Kaylee nodded. “I don’t know how I feel about this.”

“I reckon none of us do,” Zoe said. “But it’s what has to be done.”

“Just feels like we’re abandoning them.”

Zoe hesitated a moment before moving forward and settling next to Kaylee. “They’ll be fine. All they gotta do is hide. Ain’t like they haven’t done it before.” The older woman rubbed her bottom lip with her thumb as she considered things. “Besides, River has shaped up to be a fine pilot. This is the best way.”

“Seems to me the best way would be to turn around and go the other way,” Kaylee drawled.

“Reigert would be waiting back there.”

The mechanic shook her head. “I thought the Alliance was gonna leave ‘em alone forever. Why now? Why are they back to huntin’ River again now?”

“I think we’re going to find out that unfortunate answer very soon,” Zoe confessed with a hint of worry to her voice. Putting her hand on Kaylee’s arm, Zoe squeezed lightly. “You know they’ll be better off on the shuttle than we’ll be in here.”

Kaylee sighed. She knew. That’s what was making her hands shake.

****

“No.”

“River,” Simon began.

“No,” River repeated with more heat. “I’m not leaving.”

Mal and Connor chose that moment to enter the infirmary and both hesitated as they caught brother and sister attempting to stare each other down. The glaze of sleep was still in River’s eyes, and it was clear to Connor the younger woman had just come to after a medicated nap. River’s arms were crossed, and she was glaring at Simon with a look of defiance that was potent enough to make Simon drop his gaze and begin pacing the small confines of the infirmary.

“There a problem here?” Mal wanted to know.

“She won’t take the shuttle,” Simon informed them as if they hadn’t guessed that much already. “Stubborn little…” His voice dissolved into Chinese mutterings.

“I don’t want to leave the ship.” River’s brown eyes softened as she looked at Connor, her gaze pleading.

The look hit Connor like a punch in the gut. She glanced at Mal before sauntering further into the room. Hooking her thumbs in her gun belt, Connor took a moment to compose her thoughts. “Why? You were willing to turn us around and send us out into parts unknown a few hours ago.”

River tucked her hair behind her ears. “It’s a bad idea.”

“You know that for a fact?” Mal asked her. “Or are you just being stubborn?”

River gave him a disgruntled look that was more adorable than daunting. Connor wiped a hand over her mouth to hide a grin.

“River,” Connor stated calmly. “We want to know you’re safe.” She glanced back at the doctor. “Both of you.”

The young woman hesitated as her brown eyes studied Connor’s features. “I don’t want to leave,” she said in a more subdued voice.

“It’s just for a few hours. We’ll fly in, drop the cargo, get the coin, and be on our merry way,” Mal promised.

“They’ll board you. They’ll look for me.”

“All the more reason for you to be hiding behind a moon somewhere,” Mal answered.

“What if they kill all of you?” River asked bluntly.

Mal looked at Connor. “Well that would be a right unhappy ending to this business venture.”

Connor rolled her eyes and stepped a little closer to the younger woman. “You see something that would indicate that will happen?” she asked River.

“No,” the girl answered sullenly.

“Then why are you afraid? Why won’t you go on the shuttle?” Connor asked, puzzled by River’s reluctance to the plan.

“I’m not afraid. I…” River’s gaze roamed over Sarah’s features, finally locking on the pilot’s green eyes. “I just…”

Simon exhaled slowly, his gaze moving from River to the pilot and back again as he watched the charged moment form between them. “You being off the ship protects everyone,” he told his sister with a look at Connor for her benefit.

River hesitated, clearly considering things from a new angle. “They’ll want to know where I am.”

“We’ll tell ‘em you’re off visiting Inara,” Mal answered. “Tell ‘em she’s two systems away. By the time they get there to check it out, you’ll be back on the ship, and we’ll probably have already rendezvoused with Inara at Fountain City.”

“Inara?” Connor asked with curiosity.

“She’s a companion.”

“She’s a whore.”

Connor glanced from Simon to Mal as they both spoke at once. She ignored Mal’s crude word choice. “You have a companion on-board?”

“She don’t service the crew, so don’t get any ideas,” Mal told her.

Before Connor could give him a heated response, River beat her to it, slapping Mal on the chest and pushing him back a step. He chuckled even as he rubbed the spot where the younger woman had struck him.

“I’ll explain later,” River promised Sarah.

“Good enough.” Connor hesitated before briefly laying her hand over River’s and giving it a quick squeeze. “I need to get back to the bridge. You going to be okay?”

“I can handle my sister,” Simon snapped before River could reply.

Sarah looked at him, confused by his almost hostile reaction. “Never said you couldn’t, Doc.” She offered River a smile. “I’ll see you on the bridge in a bit.”

“Okay,” River replied softly. Her eyes didn’t leave Connor’s figure until the pilot disappeared up the stairs.

Mal looked at the doctor with some confusion, but he didn’t vocalize any of the questions that were clear in his gaze. He turned his attention back on River. “You’ll go with your brother.” The captain held up his hand before she could argue further. “Now that’s an order. You’ll take the shuttle, and you’ll be happy about it. No men are gettin’ their hands on you, blue or otherwise, little albatross.”

River didn’t even smile at Mal’s favorite nickname for her. “What do we do if they capture you?”

Mal put his hands on River’s shoulders. “Don’t you worry none. Everything is gonna be fine. By this time tomorrow, we’ll be on our way to say hello to Inara.”

River slipped off the bed and padded to the door in her bare feet. “We’ll see,” was her cryptic reply before she left the two men alone.

“Now why do I not like the sound of that?” Mal asked no one in particular.

****

Connor had never been to Silver River. She’d heard plenty about their ways, of course, seeing how a majority of the people she ran with liked their meat, but she was startled by the landscape that greeted her.

Silver River made her think of mountains and cool, damp forests, rocky riverbeds and well-worn dirt paths that disappeared into thick thatches of woods. She hadn’t been expecting a gorram tropical hell.

Connor narrowed her eyes as she breathed in the cloying, overly sweet tasting air. Sweat made her skin glisten as she stood on Serenity’s ramp watching Mal and the others wrangle the cargo. She’d changed into a sleeveless white tank top and a new pair of brown leather pants River had somehow dug up for her. A revolver rested on each hip as her green eyes scanned the vegetation around them.

“You got the willies?”

Jayne’s voice was close behind her, and Connor gave him credit for sneaking up on her. “That’s one word for it,” she admitted.

“Keep waitin’ to hear people screaming,” Jayne huffed. He picked up a hose and went to the back of the cargo hold to attach it.

“What a happy thought,” Sarah drawled, but she knew what he meant. She itched to leave the ship, to check out the perimeter, but she needed to stay close should they need to lift off in a hurry. Her gaze went to the door of one of their shuttles, knowing the vehicle that normally resided behind it wasn’t there. River had left with Simon before they’d passed through the atmosphere. She hoped they were safely orbiting one of Silver River’s six moons by now.

“We got company,” Zoe’s voice drifted back to Connor, and her attention shifted to a patch of brilliant green leaves that parted and revealed a small band of six men.

“Malcolm,” the man in the lead greeted the captain with a tight smile. He wore a battered cowboy hat that shielded his face.

“Brady.” Mal dipped his head in greeting as his gaze took in the five other men. “Didn’t figure you were a part of this deal.”

Brady pushed the brim of his hat up with a forefinger and smiled. Connor thought he’d be an attractive man if he bothered to bathe. She was glad she couldn’t smell him from her position, suspecting the pigs had nothing on the man they were about to do business with.

Zoe glanced at six sets of hands, relieved to see no one sporting blue of any kind. “You brought the coin?”

Brady kept grinning, revealing the absence of more than a few teeth. “I did.” He tossed a small bag to Mal who caught it one-handed, filling the air with the satisfying sound of clinking credits. “See you brought the cargo.”

“Be happy to part with it, actually,” Mal replied.

Everyone stood and stared at each other as mosquitoes buzzed about and the heat baked their skin. Connor shifted, casually letting one hand rest near the butt of her right revolver. A quick glance to her left showed Jayne in a similar pose with a shotgun.

“Okay then,” Mal said with a tense smile. “We just gonna stand here admiring how damn pretty we all are, or are we done here?”

Brady chuckled, the sound like fingernails on a rusty hull. “I’m all done, Reynolds. I got what I came for and something a little extra.”

“That right?” Mal asked with forced cheeriness.

“Nothing personal. You and yours ain’t never done me no harm,” Brady answered him. “But you’re about to do me some good. You got something on that ship I want. Someone I want.”

The captain hooked his thumbs in his belt loops. “Well,” he said matter-of-factly, other than our mechanic, you’re looking at my crew, and we ain’t got no paying passengers.”

Brady’s smile faltered as his men shifted behind him. “You’re lying.”

“About paying passengers? Wish I weren’t,” Mal said easily. “You’re welcome to take a look.”

“Where is the girl, Mal?” Brady demanded, all semblance of civility evaporating.

“Girl?” Mal blinked innocently before looking at Zoe. “You know something about a girl?

Zoe began to reply but then jerked back as a beam of blue light struck Mal in the center of his chest. The captain was lifted off his feet and thrown backward, slamming into the damp soil. Jayne immediately returned fire only to have more beams slice through the foliage from all around them.

The sound of screaming pigs filled the air as Connor tucked and rolled, trying to get away from the beams lancing into the cargo bay. She saw Jayne go down, yelling at Zoe to take cover. The second in command took Brady out with a well-placed shot to the forehead as his men scrambled for shelter. The beams kept coming; silent bursts of violet light that pelted all around the two women.

Connor watched as a beam struck Zoe’s leg, spinning her about until a second impact hit her friend in the back. Zoe was thrown to the ground and didn’t move again.

A second later, Connor dropped to her knees as a beam of light caught her thigh, the suddenly numb muscles unable to hold her weight. She grabbed the deck plating and pulled herself backwards, dragging her useless leg as she tried to crawl back into Serenity’s hold.

The blue lights suddenly ceased, and Connor watched as two men in dark suits emerged from the forest. A chill took her, traveling down her spine and enveloping her whole body in a vicious shudder.

They were wearing blue gloves.

The pilot’s guns clicked impotently and she swore, throwing one of them at the nearest man. The contractor ducked and simply kept coming, stopping once he reached the soles of her boots. He tilted his head as he regarded her.

“This one is unknown.”

The other man looked at Sarah dismissively. “She is irrelevant. Find the girl.”

Connor kicked out with her working leg and had the satisfaction of watching the contractor stagger back in pain. She’d broken his leg, and Connor scrambled toward him with grim determination, hoping she could at least stop one of them… stop one of these bastards that had a hand in torturing River.

Something struck her back, and Connor saw a flare of white behind her eyelids as cold washed through her and paralyzed her muscles. Then darkness came, and she felt nothing at all.

****

“Connor.”

Her name echoed weirdly inside her head. The pilot slowly blinked open her eyes and gasped as the light from above nearly blinded her.

“About gorram time,” Jayne grumbled, and Sarah heard him scooting across the floor toward her. “Thought none of y’all was ever gonna wake up.”

Connor rolled over on her side and closed her eyes, taking a moment to marshal her very meager reserves. There was nothing that didn’t hurt. Her whole body felt like it was on fire as blood flowed through her stiff and frozen muscles.

“It passes,” Jayne told her with surprising sympathy. “Those damn new stunners. Makes your whole body feel that pins and needles sensation a thousand fold.”

It was an accurate description; some part of Connor’s muddled brain admitted. She took short, gasping breaths as she waited for the pain to lessen. When it finally did, she put her head against the cold, wet floor and took in a deep, shaky breath.

“You alright?”

Connor slowly rolled again, wincing as her arms pulled in their sockets. Her hands were tied behind her back, and she had to rock her body to get herself up into a sitting position. The pilot took in Jayne who looked no worse for wear. The other members of the crew were around them in the hold, all of them still unconscious. Kaylee was nowhere to be seen, and Connor hoped the mechanic had found somewhere smart to hide. “Where…?” Connor coughed and tried to swallow with a parched throat.

“Don’t know,” Jayne said, accurately guessing what she was wondering about. “I’ve heard ‘em… moving about and the like, but I ain’t seen ‘em.” He regarded her. “You beat Zoe awake. I’m impressed.”

The pilot snorted and shook her head. “She took two good hits.” Her eyes went in worry to her fallen friend. She watched and waited until she saw Zoe draw breath and only relaxed when the other woman did.

“Wanna place bets on who will wake up last? My money’s on Mal,” Jayne drawled with grim humor.

“No way am I taking that bet,” Connor told him and felt her nerves ease a fraction when he chuckled. They both glanced toward the doorway that led up to the bridge when they heard something clang.

Jayne shifted. “Won’t be long until they come down here.”

“I know,” Connor admitted.

“You think it’s been long enough? You think River and the doc moved on?”

They were supposed to contact Simon and River within a half hour of the rendezvous time or else the two Tams were to head for parts unknown. Sarah flexed her fingers as she gave it some thought. She looked out the still-open cargo bay door and tried to tell how far the sun had moved since they’d been subdued. The humid air had filled the space, and the pilot could feel a trickle of sweat roll down between her shoulder blades. The pigs were still in the corral, shuffling about nervously.

“I don’t want to rat them out or nothin’,” Jayne went on. “But if they do something to make me scream, I’m spillin’ my guts.”

“Don’t even think it,” Connor warned him. “Or you’ll have worse things to worry about than a couple of guys in blue gloves.”

Jayne looked cross but merely grunted in response.

Connor started scooting, trying to get in a position where she could nudge Mal with her foot. Another clang from above had her freezing in place and craning her neck to see if she could see what the contractors were doing.

One of the contractors emerged from the doorway and started toward them. Connor heard Jayne curse, and she felt like doing the same. Her blood went cold, and she swallowed, knowing that pain was coming. The only thing to be determined was just how much she’d have to endure.

At least River and Simon were safe. And she’d take whatever the bastard dished out to keep them that way.

****


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please see chapter one for notes.

The air was sticky and hot as Kaylee crept along the outside of Serenity’s hull. Her legs itched from insect bites and the residue of the local plants that dampened the knees and shins of her coveralls. The mechanic winced as she stumbled over a dead body and only barely held back the very girly scream that wanted to escape her throat. The flies were already swarming around his oozing wounds, and she tried not to be sick as the insects made a meal of him. His uniform was Alliance, and as Kaylee lifted her gaze and looked through the trees and brush, she noted other fallen men in the same clothes. There seemed to be a lot of them, and Kaylee felt a moment of odd pride that her crewmates had taken out so many of those who’d been behind their ambush. With a final visual sweep of the area, she noted that there were no blue-handed men among the dead. Kaylee wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or bad.

With a grimace that would have made Jayne roll his eyes, Kaylee stepped over the body and kept moving forward. She could smell the pigs before she saw them. They were still in the pen, shuffling anxiously and scraping up against the metal bars that contained them. They looked about as nervous as she felt, and Kaylee experienced a strange feeling of kinship with the creatures in that moment. If only River had been there to tell her what they were thinking…

And Kaylee would have paid some serious coin for the younger Tam to be armed as well.

The mechanic eased along the side of the ship and hesitated, hidden from view, next to the open cargo bay door. She could hear footsteps, deliberate and slow, crossing the hold. Kaylee adjusted her sweaty grip on the pistol in her hand and prayed she wouldn’t have to use the weapon. She’d be lucky if she hit was she was aiming at and not one of her own crew.

“Where is River Tam?”

Kaylee was suddenly cold even blanketed in humid heat. She swallowed and risked a peek around the corner. A contractor was standing before an awake Jayne and Connor, both of who were trussed up and sitting on the floor. The other members of the crew were either dead or unconscious around them. As Kaylee watched, the blue-handed man turned his attention exclusively on the pilot, kneeling next to her.

Connor was glaring at him defiantly, her very posture seeming to dare the man to do her harm. Kaylee sincerely hoped he wouldn’t take Connor up on the challenge, but she suspected they might be about to lose another pilot.

****

“Where is River Tam?” The contractor asked as if he weren’t really concerned with the answer.

“Who?” Connor asked blankly. His hand lashed out, striking her face and whipping her head back. Connor tasted blood, and she spat a mouthful out before her gaze lifted and met her captor eyes once more.

“Try again,” he ordered her.

Connor merely glared as Jayne watched uneasily.

“You will tell me where the girl is,” the contractor promised her as he withdrew a thin, metal cylinder from inside his jacket pocket. The silver stood out in sharp relief against the blue of his gloves. His dark eyes pinned Connor with a look and their gazes held, neither looking away.

Jayne eyed the device warily, wondering how in the hell Connor wasn’t freaking out having the damn thing nearly in her face. “Aw, man,” he muttered. “He’s gonna make us start screamin’.”

The contractor moved closer, inside Connor’s space, nearly going nose to nose with her. “You’re new to the crew. Your face and name are unknown to us.”

“Lucky me,” Connor replied insolently.

“Who you are is unimportant,” the contractor continued. “But your allegiance to this crew is too fresh if it exists at all. Tell me where River Tam is hiding, and I will let you live.”

Connor snorted. “Go to hell.” He slapped her again, harder this time, sending Connor crashing to the deck and making her arm throb where it impacted metal. The pilot struggled to roll onto her back, glaring up at her captor with contempt.

Two metal rods extended from the cylinder and Jayne flinched. “They ain’t here!” the mercenary told him, a faint edge of desperation in his voice.

“Tell me where they are.” The man turned his focus on Jayne.

“Jayne,” Connor warned only to yelp when the contractor got to his feet and kicked the pilot’s midsection.

Jayne winced in sympathy. “You ain’t gonna find them. They were supposed to take off if they didn’t hear from us in time.”

Connor rolled onto her side, trying to suck in air and battle back pain. She saw a flash of grey against green outside and she blinked, wondering if she’d just seen what she thought she did. A blonde head peeked around the open cargo bay door once more, and Sarah took a deep breath as Kaylee offered her a simple nod of acknowledgement before blending back into the scenery. The pilot turned her head and realized the contractor’s back was to the open door. She needed to keep it that way.

“I don’t believe you,” the contractor told Jayne. He looked back at Connor as she rolled back and then up, managing to get to her knees. He put the device at eyelevel as his thumb hovered over the button in the middle. “Tell me. Or I will make you bleed,” he stated blandly.

Fear coursed through her cold and strong, but Connor’s gaze held her captor’s unrelentingly. “What are you waiting for then?” she spat.

“Don’t encourage him!” Jayne yelled.

Connor tensed. Agony was coming. She knew it in her bones as she braced herself for the onslaught of pain, wondering what the device would do to her. Was the damn thing full of poison? Would she die gasping? Or did the tiny cylinder hold an end too unimaginable for her to fathom? Just as the contractor was about to press a button that would cause her all manner of unpleasantness, he stopped.

A soft sound of impact made the moment still as they all looked at each other in confusion. The noise had sounded wet and thick, and Connor’s gaze dropped to take in the contractor’s chest. There was a short, metal rod protruding from his upper right shoulder. As Sarah watched, the rod curved in the blink of an eye, arcing into a hook that yanked the contractor backwards with sudden violence.

“Aw hell!” Jayne shouted when he saw three members of the Silver River law enforcement riding up on well-groomed horses as four others emerged from the jungle on foot.

The horses shied and reared as a noise came from the sky outside. Connor cursed when she recognized the sound of the shuttle returning. She rocked back on her heels and felt around for the dagger she kept in her boot. “Jayne!” she shouted as the officers outside roped the contractor in while others took shots at the landing shuttle.

Jayne realized what Connor was searching for and he scrambled to help. The mercenary yelped when she passed him the blade and the tip nicked his fingers.

“Hold still,” Jayne demanded as he started cutting, doing his best not to slice up the pilot in the process.

Connor winced with each slight cut, feeling the blade part her skin in shallow grooves. Her eyes stayed on the law, though. If they got inside they were all going to be strung up in the town square.

The hogs were in a frenzy over the commotion. They began throwing themselves against the pen with violent, frantic force. Connor caught another flash of gray, and she mentally cheered Kaylee on, realizing the mechanic’s intent. Suddenly the hogs were loose, streaming out of the pen and running right for the sheriff and his men. The pilot would have laughed at the sight if she hadn’t been so busy trying not to die.

Horses went wild, toppling their riders onto the damp ground below as pigs squealed and went all manner of ways, running over the men who were there to save them from someone’s dinner plate.

Connor felt the tie on her wrists snap at last, and she jerked into motion, running for the pile of guns sitting atop a nearby crate as she spied Kaylee heading for Serenity’s ramp. The mechanic was being pursued by one of Silver River’s deputies who was sighting down a weapon that looked like a harpoon. Connor aimed for his forehead and was about to fire when a large black and pink sow plowed into the man, sending him face first into the mud. The pig then proceeded to actually sit on him, driving him further into the ground and, in all likelihood, suffocating him in two inches of muck.

The pilot blinked, recognizing the creature as River’s adventurous pig. “I’ll be damned,” Connor muttered as Kaylee scrambled inside and hit the button to seal the door.

There was a loud clang as the shuttle docked and the sound spurred Connor back into action. River was obviously not a woman accustomed to doing what she was told. Connor didn’t know whether to yell at her for that or admire her. “Help the others!” she yelled to the mechanic as she bolted for the stairs, heading for Serenity’s bridge.

Zoe groaned as she began to come around. Kaylee dropped to her knees next to Jayne, fetching the knife from his bleeding fingers.

“Not bad,” Jayne told the mechanic with a raunchy smile.

Kaylee ignored him and started sawing Zoe loose, but inwardly she was right proud of herself.

****

River raced from the shuttle, barely letting the engines wind down before she was up and out of her seat. She ignored Simon’s shouts as she ran to the door, throwing open the latch, and running for the bridge. River knew she had to get to Sarah, had to warn her about what was waiting for them among the stars.

She stepped out onto the catwalk just as Sarah’s familiar form disappeared through the doorway leading toward the bridge. River felt relief at the sight of her and almost yelled out the pilot’s first name. Biting back the urge before the words could trip off her tongue, River clambered down the steps with Simon following clumsily behind.

“Help Kaylee!” River shouted at him.

Simon drew up at the sound of his lover’s name and looked below, swearing when he saw the condition of the crew. Jayne was moving toward them, his hands bloody. Serenity’s engines fired and Simon lost his balance as the ship lifted up hard and unexpectedly. “River!”

His sister ignored him, her small feet practically gliding over the metal catwalks and her balance never wavering as she headed for the bridge. Simon cursed again and moved to intercept Jayne.

“What happened?” the doctor called out only to be shoved aside as Jayne barreled into him.

“Not now, doc,” Jayne shouted. “We still got an unwelcome guest on-board.”

River spied Sarah’s familiar form at the helm as she ran past the crew quarters and up the steps. “Sarah…”

The pilot cut her off. “Sit down, shut up, and hold on.”

River complied, settling into the co-pilot’s chair and harnessing herself in. Connor glanced over her shoulder, relieved that no one else had been around to hear how River had addressed her. Then her attention was back on their situation as she gripped the shaking helm and pulled back harder, feeling resistance from Silver River’s atmosphere pushing against the hull.

“Come on, baby,” Connor whispered to Serenity. “Climb.”

“Sarah,” River tried again.

“Not now,” the pilot replied. “We’re definitely gonna talk about you not following orders, but not now.”

“I came back to warn you,” River said with a hint of testiness to her voice.

“About the contractors or the law? Either way, you’re a little late, girlie.” Connor saw the darkening sky just beyond the last layer of clouds. In another few seconds they would see stars.

“Not about them,” River said. “About that.” The younger woman pointed to the right of the viewport.

Connor followed the path of River’s finger only to do a double take when she saw what the co-pilot was pointing at. Connor looked down at the short-range sensors and released a string of obscenities that actually made River blush.

The pilot shoved her anger down and ignored the pain in her wrists, dismissing the blood that dripped from the gashes in her skin and dripped onto the floor below the helm. Short-range sensors showed her exactly what she didn’t want to see. An Alliance battle cruiser coming up on them, fast.

“Connor?” Jayne’s voice yelled up from the corridor below. “What should we do with this other blue-handed fella?” He kicked the unconscious man he’d found propped up in the galley of all places.

“Bigger things to worry about,” the pilot shouted back as the cruiser moved to block their path, the ship’s nose now visible out of the viewport.

“Aww, hell,” Jayne said when he saw it.

“Tell the others to strap in,” River yelled back to him.

Jayne didn’t hesitate, hefting the contractor over his shoulder before moving off to secure the rest of the crew.

“They would have picked up on our location and yours if we used the radio,” River said almost too quietly to hear.

Connor knew River was right, but she wasn’t ready to let go of her anger at the woman yet. River could have walked right into the hands of the Alliance. Thoughts of what could have happened, how River could have been hurt, nearly distracted the pilot just as the cruiser fired a warning shot across Serenity’s bow. Connor swore, snapping back into the moment and prepping the ship for a full burn.

Unsteady footsteps sounded behind them. River glanced back to see Mal barely on his feet, his eyes unfocused as they tried to take in the cruiser. He clung to the wall just at the top of the stairs.

“Am I dreaming or is that what I think it is?” Mal asked groggily.

Connor didn’t give him a glance as she punched in coordinates that she hoped would take them just past the cruiser and not into it. “You should really strap in,” she warned him.

Another shot came across their bow, this one closer. Everyone had to close their eyes against the brilliance as the shot lit up the bridge like lightning. Lights were blinking to Connor’s right, but she ignored the request for an incoming wave. She had nothing to say to the Alliance, and they had nothing to say that she wanted to hear.

“I thought they wanted you, little albatross,” Mal said more seriously. “But if they shoot any closer…”

“Hold on to something,” Connor warned as she commenced a full burn. Serenity shot forward and Mal tumbled backward, nearly falling down the steps. The pilot schooled herself not to smirk as Serenity streaked toward the cruiser. She could imagine all kinds of proximity alarms going off on the other ship, and Connor fervently hoped she was making the bastards sweat a little.

Serenity practically scraped the cruiser’s underbelly before blazing a trail of fire across the blackness of space. It was the one thing the tiny ship had going for it against an Alliance battle cruiser. It’s size. There was no way the other ship could adjust course and give chase fast enough. By the time they did, Serenity would already be off their radar.

****

The infirmary was quiet. Simon was off treating the contractor’s broken leg. Mal had insisted the man be locked away and not allowed anywhere near the infirmary or the rest of the ship. It was a decision Connor privately agreed with. The pilot assumed the captain was with their unwanted visitor now, probably trying to get what little information he could out of him. Connor knew she’d have thrown the contractor out an airlock and been done with him. She didn’t like having him on her ship, especially with River back on board.

The antiseptic was cold on her skin, the liquid seeping down into the wounds and burning enough to make Connor hiss softly in pain. River glanced up sharply, but Sarah just shook her head. “Stings a little,” the pilot explained.

“Sorry,” River almost whispered. Her gaze returned to the slashes on Sarah’s wrists as she continued to clean them with the utmost care. None of the gashes were terribly deep, but they looked like they hurt, and River wanted to make the pain go away as quickly as possible.

Connor studied the bent head of her caregiver, musing on the dichotomy that was River Tam. The younger woman looked so innocent and naïve, it was hard to process at times that River was programmed to be an assassin. The girl could kill and had, and she’d done so with brutal efficiency. But those hands that had slit Reavers’ throats and pulled the trigger on countless men were gentle as they treated Connor’s wounds. It was almost disconcerting being cared for with such… reverence. Kindness and caring were two things Connor hadn’t experienced much of the last ten years. Having both directed at her now was nice, but she didn’t dare get used to it or expect it.

“Where are the others?” Connor asked to break the silence between them.

“In the lockup.” Satisfied Sarah’s wounds were clean; River set the cloth aside and began to gently massage a salve over the wounds.

The touch felt nice. A little too nice. Sarah cleared her throat. “Kaylee okay?”

River nodded as a tiny smile appeared. “She did good.”

Connor nodded. “She did damn good. Your adventure pig wasn’t so bad, either.”

River glanced up, humor dancing in the brown depths of her eyes. “I’m sorry I missed it.”

The pilot found herself swallowed whole by River’s gaze. “I’m not,” she answered honestly. “I’m glad you were as far from those men as possible.” She tore her gaze away and focused on her wrists, watching sleepily as River set the salve aside and began to wrap the damaged skin. Fatigue was starting to wash over her, brought on by the day’s events and River’s gentle ministrations.

“I can’t always run from everything,” River said seriously.

“Fighting is overrated,” Connor told her. She looked up as River finished and the two of them stared at each other for a moment.

“It’s all you’ve ever known,” River guessed, resisting the urge to touch the purpling skin on Sarah’s cheek where the contractor had struck her.

Connor shrugged and glanced toward the door of the infirmary, wishing someone would walk through it. Something in her guts told her the conversation was going to veer into territory she’d rather avoid. “I suppose it is.”

“I wish it had been different for you,” River said quietly. “That you’d known more beauty… more of the wonder of life.”

Connor blinked a few times before sliding off the table and getting to her feet. She picked up her jacket and slipped it over her shoulders. “What about you? Have you known beauty and the wonder of life?” Her tone was harsher than intended, but River had put her off balance. Connor didn’t like that, and the woman’s words had stirred both sweet and painful memories. “You’ve seen the worst life has to offer. Don’t tell me it doesn’t taint everything else.”

River tilted her head before gently laying her hand over the locket at Sarah’s throat. The pilot went still at the touch, and River could feel the tension coiling in Connor’s muscles. “Has the worst of life tainted what you felt for him?”

The locket had already warmed from River’s touch when Connor jerked back and covered it with her own hand. “You been getting inside my head, girlie?” she demanded defensively.

“I didn’t mean to offend you,” River said. “And no, I only sense from you what you’re willing to share. You’re more closed off to me than anyone I’ve ever met.” River glanced at the hand that covered the locket. “Who is he?” she asked innocently.

“None of your business.” Connor felt rattled, even more so by how much she wanted to share the truth with the girl. The pilot brushed past River. “Thanks for the patch up,” she almost snarled, knowing she would hate herself for her anger later.

“Sarah…”

“Don’t call me that,” Connor snapped from the doorway. “Sarah died with the person in this locket.”

River stood alone in the infirmary once Connor was gone. Tears stung the corner of her eyes. Having Connor upset with her tied River’s stomach into knots and made her chest hurt so hard she could barely breathe. She hadn’t meant to upset Connor, but as usual, River had said more than she should. Her tongue had simply spoken before her head could catch up and warn it not to. It was just that she just wanted to know more, needed to know more. The temptation to chase after Sarah, to try to explain had River’s feet taking a half step until she saw Zoe standing there in doorway. River had been so distracted she hadn’t even detected the other woman’s presence.

“Give her a spell,” Zoe said with sympathy.

“I made her mad.”

“She knows it wasn’t deliberate,” Zoe promised. “Give her time to cool off. She’s hurting, and you accidentally poked at some old wounds.”

“Do you know whose picture is in the locket?” River asked hesitantly.

“It’s her secret to share, River,” Zoe said gently but firmly.

“Then you do,” River correctly guessed. “I’m not asking you to tell me. But mentioning him hurts her. Maybe you could talk to her, since you understand.”

“Connor likes her privacy.”

“Only because she’s been alone too long.”

Zoe hesitated, wondering if there wasn’t a truth to that. “I’ll swing by in an hour. See how she’s doing,” she promised.

River nodded as she put away the medical supplies. “She needs a friend. Been too long without one.”

Zoe watched River’s back, aching a little for the girl. “We’re all more than her friends now, River. We’re her family.”

River gave Zoe a look over her shoulder. “She doesn’t see it that way.”

Serenity’s second in command chuckled. “No. I reckon she don’t. But she’ll come around. Especially with you in her corner.”

“She doesn’t want me in her corner,” River said sadly.

“It’s just a misunderstanding,” Zoe soothed. “If I know Connor, she’ll be back in no time and acting like nothing happened.”

“I should apologize.”

“No.” Zoe firmly shook her head. “That will just make her mad all over again because you’ll remind her of how badly she just behaved.”

River frowned. “That makes no sense.”

“There’s something I never thought I’d hear you say to me.” Zoe chuckled when River hesitantly smiled. It was such a blessing that the girl had come so much into her own, that her sanity had returned with the release of Miranda’s weighty secret. Over the last two years, River had turned into a charming young woman. An eccentric one, yes, but still sweet and kind. Zoe wished, not for the first time, that Wash could have seen the woman that scared and unbalanced teenager had grown into.

“There are so many things I want to know about her,” River confessed. “But I sense she doesn’t want me to ask.”

“She probably don’t,” Zoe agreed. “Connor… Connor keeps to herself. Always has. She’s got her reasons, River.”

River studied the supplies on the counter for a quiet moment before looking at Zoe hopefully. “Could you tell me what she was like? In the war?”

“That was a long time ago,” Zoe replied hesitantly, mildly startled by the request. “I imagine she’s changed some since then.”

“But that time shaped her. I’d like to know… to understand, but I don’t want to upset her by asking.”

Zoe crossed her arms and leaned against the doorway. She cocked her head and narrowed her eyes. “And why all this sudden interest in our pilot?” she teased.

River paused, feeling like she was about to walk into a trap but unsure why. Zoe’s tone sounded amused, but River couldn’t fathom what was funny about her wanting to know everything there was to know about Sarah Connor. “I’m curious,” she answered honestly.

“Uh-huh,” Zoe drawled, beginning to suspect the source of River’s curiosity.

River tucked her hair behind her ears. “The captain is coming,” she declared, a hint of relief in her voice.

Zoe turned her head and was unsurprised when Mal appeared on the stairs. Vaguely, she wondered if River had mentally seen him coming or if the girl just had ears like a bat. Either way, it was quietly impressive.

Mal poked his head in the infirmary. “Where’s Connor?”

“I made her mad,” River announced.

Mal looked at her. “Okay then. Didn’t really answer the question, but it’s an interesting tidbit to know.” He looked at Zoe.

“I’d guess her quarters,” Zoe answered the unspoken question.

“Well go get her. We need to move up the rendezvous with Inara.”

“Why?” River asked.

“Your blue handed friends have friends,” Mal explained, his humor vanishing. “The Alliance has put out fresh warrants.”

Zoe swore. “Why now? What has the Alliance so hot to find River again after all this time?”

“Not just River,” Mal told them. “The warrants are for all of us, including Inara, hence why we need to find her posthaste.”

“Connor too?” Zoe asked.

Mal shook his head. “So far she’s not on their radar. Maybe we can use that to our advantage.” He looked at River. “Go get her and get up to the bridge.”

“But she’s mad at me,” River reminded him.

The captain blinked. “And I well and truly don’t care. Connor can just get over it.”

“But I don’t like it when she’s mad at me,” River almost pouted.

Mal smirked. “You can get used to it. Trust me on this.”

“Not like you haven’t had years of practice,” Zoe deadpanned. “Relax, River. I’ll get Connor. You get on up to the bridge.”

River sighed but complied, leaving Mal and Zoe alone in the infirmary.

“So what’s our next move?” Zoe asked when the girl was gone.

“We pick up Inara and hide.”

“Sounds like a plan, sir.”

****

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please see chapter one for notes.

The anger was gnawing at Connor’s guts as she headed up top, driven by a need to hole up in her bunk and take out her frustrations on the heavy bag she’d installed in her quarters the day before. Her fingers flexed, already imagining the blows they’d rain down on the surface, and her body craved the release of frustration only a good workout could provide. She’d been a total ass to River just now, and Connor imagined the look of hurt on the younger woman’s face as her boots pounded up the cargo hold stairs. Jayne grunted at her in greeting, but she ignored him, focused on getting away from everyone and everything for a while.

She wouldn’t apologize to River. The girl had pushed too far and opened too many old wounds. Not that Connor thought River had done it on purpose. The pilot knew she’d feel bad for distancing herself from the girl later, but right now it felt necessary. River was getting uncomfortably close anyway; getting behind too many walls that Connor had spent years constructing.

“Better this way,” she muttered to herself halfheartedly, but a voice inside her head called her a fool.

Her thoughts shifted away from River out of necessity and focused on their unwanted guest. Keeping the contractor on-board was a bad idea. Connor could feel it in her bones, and her worry only fueled her anger. They had come for River, these blue-handed bastards who had already caused the co-pilot such pain. It only remained to be seen how many more would follow, and what their ultimate goal was toward the younger Tam. Connor knew that their appearance was simply the Alliance’s first strike. More would come. More always came. They never stopped until their mission was complete.

The pilot stopped moving as she entered the galley. A shiver full of remembered fear and memories of the past took her and shook her body with the force of it. Even now she could remember the screams, the sound of loved ones dying…

Connor sucked down a cold breath, willing the ache in her chest to fade as she tunneled her hands through her hair. Unconsciously, her hand went to the locket at her throat, gripping it tightly. Her green eyes slowly lifted and fixed on the door off the galley. The pilot’s right hand came to rest on the butt of her gun, and her fingers tapped nervously on the grip. There was no one around. No one to stop her.

She slipped the pistol out of the holster.

****

Zoe shook her head as she made her way out of the infirmary. Poor River. The younger woman didn’t have a clue what she was feeling toward Connor. It would have been damn cute, Zoe thought, watching River finally fall in love, if only Zoe believed the younger Tam could handle it. River felt emotions so keenly, so deeply, Zoe worried something as crazy as love or even simple lust would be too much for the girl.

River had experienced so many people’s emotions… had felt them as if they were her own, but they’d flowed through the girl like rushing water, blasting through and churning her thoughts. Without a frame of reference, the feelings were just a jumble of physical sensations that assaulted the girl. At least Zoe supposed they were. River certainly still seemed to be as innocent as the day she’d first set foot on Serenity.

Zoe decided only time would tell what the co-pilot could take. One thing was for sure; River had picked a hell of a stubborn target for her first crush. Her lips twitched as she waved toward Jayne and started up the stairs in the hold. River was relentless when she set her mind to something, and if she’d fixed her thoughts on Connor, the pilot was in a world of trouble.

A twinge of guilt panged in Zoe’s chest, but she still admitted it would be kind of fun to watch Connor try to ward off the younger woman’s advances.

Zoe paused on the steps as a thought struck her. What if Connor wasn’t interested in warding off anything? The pilot had been unusually open to River’s constant company. In fact, Connor seemed to have taken a bit of a shine to River as well. Zoe had initially assumed River’s sweetness and charm had disarmed the pilot somewhat, but now she was starting to wonder.

“Hmm,” she murmured as her steps resumed upward. “That’d be somethin’.”

A noise caught Zoe’s attention as she entered the galley. Her hand came to rest on the pistol at her hip. Another sound soon followed the first, the undeniable impact of a fist on flesh. The second-in-command sprang into motion toward the door to the brig, yanking down on the handle and flinging it open.

The contractor was shackled to the floor with Connor standing over him, her back against the wall in the small, enclosed space, her toned arms crossed over her chest. Neither was saying a word as Zoe peered inside at them, but there was murder in Connor’s pretty green eyes. The pilot’s gaze was flinty as she stared at the prisoner, and Zoe suspected she’d arrived just in time. “You lost?” she asked in a droll voice, her thumbs hooking on her belt buckle.

The contractor continued to look at Connor blankly. A small trickle of blood was oozing from the right corner of his mouth, and his face was red where he’d been struck at least twice. Some spectacular bruises would be appearing there in short order.

“I was just passing through,” Connor replied, her accent noticeably thicker than normal. She pushed off the wall and moved past their prisoner before brushing up against Zoe on her way out the door.

Zoe stood there as the contractor’s gaze shifted placidly to her. Inwardly she wanted to shudder at the lack of life in those cold, dead eyes, but she merely sniffed and turned away, locking the door behind her as she exited. Connor was waiting for her in the galley, leaning against the table as she buckled her gun belt around her hips. As Zoe watched, Connor slid one pistol home in its holster followed by the other. At least the pilot had been smart enough to leave her weapons out here. “What were you doing in there?”

“Getting acquainted,” Connor answered. She crossed her arms and tossed her head back, moving a lock of hair out of her eyes. “Why is he here? Why didn’t you just blow his ass out an airlock?”

“He might prove useful.”

“Useful? He’s not going to tell you anything. You can’t scare him. You can’t make him angry. He doesn’t care what you do to him because he doesn’t feel a damn thing.” Connor shoved off the table and began to pace. “You all left him on this boat with River. The whole point in making her go off the planet was to keep her away from him.”

“You broke his leg, Connor, he’s not going anywhere,” Zoe said as she watched her agitated crewmate cover the length of the galley and back again. “And it don’t matter much now anyway. Captain wants you on the bridge.”

“Did you scan him?” Connor demanded, ignoring the request. “He could have a tracking device implanted.”

Zoe prayed for patience. Her whole body still ached, despite the drugs the doc had given her, and she wanted nothing more than to bed down in her bunk for a few hours of much needed shuteye. “We did and he don’t. Now get on up to the bridge. We got to meet up with Inara.”

“The companion,” Connor said slowly. She stopped pacing only to shake her head. “We take him off when we take her on,” the pilot insisted with a nod at the door that contained their unwanted guest behind it. “It doesn’t matter that he’s injured. He has a mission. He won’t stop until it’s completed.”

“How is he going to get River off the ship when he can’t even walk?” Zoe wanted to know.

Connor shook her head again, her eyes on the door. “He’ll find away.”

“You’re giving him too much credit.”

“And you’re not giving him enough,” Connor snapped. She took a breath, clearly trying to reign in her temper. “He might be here to kill her, did you ever think of that?”

Zoe sighed. “It crossed my mind, but like I said, it don’t much matter right now. Captain wants you on the bridge. Worry about him later.”

Every line of Connor’s body telegraphed her anger at the situation, but the pilot finally blew out a frustrated breath and stomped out of the galley. “Fine.”

“And Connor?” Zoe called out. She watched as the pilot spun on the steps and looked back at her. “Play nice with River.”

Connor looked like she was going to say something nasty in response, but then the fight seemed to go out of her. She simply shook her head once more and moved away, leaving Zoe alone in the empty galley.

Her eyes went to the door and her steps soon followed. Zoe peered in at the prisoner who turned his head and looked up at her blankly. A chill took her when she saw his blue gloves, wondering what in the hell he wore them for. According to Simon, the gloves were actually part of a full body suit the contractor wore under his clothes.

“Creepy as all hell, aren’t you?” Zoe murmured against the glass. He tilted her head as if he’d heard her and smiled. Zoe swallowed hard, feeling like she’d just looked death in the eye. She stepped away from the door and headed for her quarters, fighting the very strong urge to run.

****

The floor in the passenger quarters was cold under River’s bare feet. Kaylee and Simon had arrived in the infirmary moments before, and River had given them their space without so much as a word. She simply faded away and no one seemed to have noticed. Opening the door to her room, River felt an unusual weariness take her. She’d not seriously slept since the dream about Silver River, and her bed suddenly looked incredibly enticing. But there was a contractor aboard, and she knew deep down there would be no sleep for her until he was gone.

River sat on the edge of her bed and began pulling on her boots. She left the laces untied, always hating how they made her feet feel trapped. A light jacket was also in order, and she slipped on one Mal had given her a few ports back. It was brown leather, and the symbolism hadn’t been lost on River when he’d given her the gift. The familiar scent enveloped her as the soft material molded to her curves. River took a deep breath and breathed the scent in.

The feel… the smell… both reminded River of Connor, how it felt to be wrapped up in the pilot’s warm arms on the bridge. The embrace had felt like the safest place she’d ever known, and she ached to feel it again, especially now when it seemed likely she never would.

If only she’d kept her mouth shut. If only she’d left Connor alone and not tried to satisfy her own curiosity.

“Way to go, genius,” River drawled at herself as she left her quarters and closed the door behind her, heading for the bridge. She paused, listening to her brother chuckle in the infirmary as he treated Kaylee’s wounds. A part of her envied them their closeness. Sometimes River just ached to be touched, and watching her brother and Kaylee share such casual intimacy only brought home just how alone she was out here in the black.

Kaylee saw her and waved, a friendly smile on the mechanic’s pretty face. River couldn’t find it in herself to return the gesture. She merely nodded once and went on her way.

****

Kaylee frowned as she watched River go, sensing something was amiss with Simon’s sister, but then Simon chuckled again and the mechanic’s attention swung back to the man treating her.

“Don’t you be laughin’ at me.”

Simon pursed his lips, his eyes twinkling as he tried to hide a smile. He took a cotton swab and dipped it in some peach colored ointment, his hands protected by white gloves. “I wouldn’t dream of it,” he promised Kaylee as he dabbed the medicine just under the mechanic’s right ear.

Kaylee squirmed where she sat on the infirmary bed. “I need a bath in the stuff. Ain’t nothin’ that don’t itch.”

“You have some insect bites, not to mention an allergic reaction to some of the local fauna.”

The mechanic’s legs, liberally coated in ointment, swung back and forth under the exam table. Kaylee had already stripped down and thrown her contaminated clothes out an airlock, and now sported nothing but a patient smock. “Sounds about right,” she agreed as she reached up to scratch her chin only to have her hand swatted away by Simon. She scowled. “I was the hero this time,” she whined. “How come I don’t get to be all hero-like? How come I just wound up itchy?”

“Playing hero is never as glamorous as it sounds,” Simon informed her drolly. He touched her cheek and waited for her gaze to meet his. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”

Kaylee looked sheepish. “Sorry. I’m whinin’.”

“A little,” Simon agreed. “But if I had this rash all over me, I’d be whining too.” He moved her hair aside and started rubbing the ointment on the back of her neck. “But you were wonderful, setting the pigs loose like that.”

Kaylee sat up a little straighter. “I did do pretty good.” She smiled.

“You saved everyone,” Simon reminded her.

Kaylee shook her head, remembering. “You shoulda seen Connor. She was gonna let that contractor torture her. Ain’t no way she was coming up off the location of yours and River’s shuttle.”

Simon’s movements slowed as he listened, but he made no comment.

“I mean Jayne was ready to spill his guts, but not Connor. She was right up in that contractor’s face just darin’ him to hurt her. For a moment there, I really thought we were gonna be short a pilot again.”

“So you’re under Connor’s spell, too, huh?” Simon asked casually as he moved away and set the jar of ointment on the counter. He capped it before stripping off his gloves and tossing them away.

Kaylee hesitated, hearing something in her lover’s voice that told her to tread carefully. “So you ain’t?”

Simon shrugged before turning to face her. “She’s alright, I guess.”

“She was gonna die to save you and River. You get that, right?” Kaylee watched him fidget as his gaze dropped to the floor. “You’re not still hung up on the whole notion of River takin’ a shine to her, are ya?”

The doctor looked up and sighed. “River didn’t want to leave the ship. She wanted to stay here with Connor.”

“Awwww,” Kaylee answered then immediately fell silent when she realized it wasn’t the response Simon was looking for. She cleared her throat and was about to apologize when a thought struck her. “But you wanted to leave the ship?”

“Of course I did. I had to keep River safe,” Simon replied as if that should be obvious.

“Like River needs your help in that department.” The mechanic’s voice had gotten colder. “You know, I think it’s sweet River wanted to stay near Connor. When you take a shine to someone, you don’t like leavin’ ‘em to be tortured and the like. Least you’re not supposed to.”

Simon paused, sensing he’d somehow stepped in something. “Well…”

“Course, I didn’t hear you protestin’ much. Weren’t worried about leavin’ me here to fend for myself.” Kaylee crossed her arms and glared.

The doctor’s mouth opened and closed a few times as a look of terror washed over his features. He laughed nervously. “Come on, Kaylee. You know it wasn’t like that.”

“What was it like then, hmm?”

“I… you… you know I was…” Simon floundered.

“How’s the patient?” Mal asked as he poked his head in the infirmary.

Simon visibly sagged in relief at the interruption. “Itchy,” he replied.

“And pissed,” Kaylee added. She hopped off the exam table. “Cap’n,” she said in greeting as she walked past him, her smock hanging open in the back.

Mal averted his gaze, blinking rapidly for a moment before he glanced at Simon who was staring at him unhappily. “Didn’t know Kaylee had a tattoo there,” Mal commented casually before leaving the doctor alone.

****

River had just taken up residence in the co-pilot’s chair when Connor stormed onto the bridge. “Hi,” River greeted neutrally. She watched as the pilot buckled herself in, her motions jerky and forceful. Anger was rolling off Connor in waves, but after a moment, River was able to sense the other woman’s upset wasn’t with her. That was a small relief, but seeing Connor so mad was unsettling. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Connor murmured as she took in a slow, deep breath. She looked down at the sensors, obviously checking to make sure they were clear, before plotting a new course into the navigational computer.

“Did you go see him?” River asked hesitantly.

Connor’s hands rested on the helm for a moment before she leaned back in her chair and stared at the controls. “Yes.”

“You hit him,” River noted, her voice not betraying what she thought about that knowledge.

“You guessing that, or were you keeping mental tabs on me?” Connor asked, but her voice had lost a layer of its angry edge.

River jerked her chin at Sarah’s hands. “Fresh blood.”

Connor closed her right hand into a fist as she regarded her bruised and bleeding knuckles. Hitting the contractor had felt good at the time. There was satisfaction in making his head snap back and his mouth bleed, but now she only felt hollow and in pain. “I don’t understand why they left him on-board.” She finished programming the coordinates into the computer.

“They had to try to get information from him,” River said with understanding.

“Even though they had to know they wouldn’t get any?” Connor snapped.

“Even though,” River replied.

“And it doesn’t bother you? Him being down there?”

“I don’t like it, but I accept it,” River admitted. “Does it bother you?”

“Hell yes, it bothers me.” Sarah sat back in the chair and slapped the helm. “I got shot twice by those damn stunners and was nearly tortured to keep you and Simon from those bastards, and they just turn around and make him comfortable.”

“I really don’t think he’s comfortable,” River murmured.

“He’s breathing,” Sarah shot back. “Which makes me uncomfortable. I don’t understand how you can be so damn calm about all of this.”

“I won’t sleep until he’s off the ship, but I understand why the captain did what he did.”

“That makes one of us,” Connor muttered. “You don’t play games with these people. They’ll keep coming. They don’t stop. They never stop.”

“You don’t have to tell me that.”

Connor went still, the simple words impacting her conscience like bullets. The pilot swallowed and finally looked at River. The younger woman didn’t look upset, merely like she was stating a fact. “No,” Connor said, her voice suddenly considerably softer. “I reckon I don’t.” The pilot brushed a lock of hair out of her eyes before gripping the helm and firing the engines. “We should meet up with this companion of yours in about four hours.”

“I’ll be glad to see her,” River confessed, her eyes still on Sarah’s tense profile. “You’ve dealt with a contractor before,” she guessed, returning to the original topic of conversation.

Connor hesitated and decided to change tactics to shake River off that line of questioning. “Thought this Inara person didn’t service the crew,” Connor joked darkly, ignoring River’s second statement.

River paused, taking a moment to comprehend what Sarah meant by that. Her fair skin colored slightly when she realized what the pilot was implying. “That’s… I…”

Connor shook her head, an almost cruel smile on her lips.

“That’s not funny,” River complained. Her temper flared when Connor merely shrugged in reply. River knew the pilot was deflecting her questions, and she supposed she sort of deserved the nasty humor at her expense after the way she’d pushed Sarah in the infirmary. Still…

The younger woman tilted her head and continued to watch Sarah, knowing that her stare would eventually break through Sarah’s reluctance to talk.

“Stop it,” Connor murmured after a few minutes.

“Stop what?” River asked innocently, pleased her efforts were already yielding results.

“Staring.”

“I’m simply looking at you.”

“You’re staring,” Connor insisted. The pilot turned her head and saw those deep brown eyes had indeed been on her profile. She’d been able to feel the look almost like a physical touch.

“I’m wondering,” River corrected.

“About?”

“Why you don’t want to talk about contractors.”

Connor rubbed her aching forehead with one bloodied hand. “Why do you? They aren’t exactly a pleasant topic of conversation.”

“I want to understand.”

“Understand what?” Connor barked as she turned her upper body to look at River fully. “What is there to understand, girlie? They’re killers. They’re hunting you.”

“That’s only part of what’s bothering you,” River surmised. “You act like you’ve never had a run in with them before, but your voice, your eyes… they say different.”

Connor swallowed and looked away from the younger woman. As River watched, the pilot’s jaw clenched, pulsing under the skin of her bruised cheek. “Let it be, River,” Sarah’s voice was almost a whisper and a held a world of sadness to it.

River opened her mouth to say more but then reluctantly closed it. She’d hurt Sarah again somehow, and River cursed herself for that. “You don’t have to worry about our unwanted guest,” she finally said after an uncomfortable moment.

“Why is that?” Connor asked, her voice faint.

“He’ll be dead by the time we rendezvous with Inara.”

Connor’s head snapped around once more to stare at the co-pilot. “What?”

“Cyanide. In one of his teeth,” River explained.

The moment seemed to still as Connor simply stared at River for a string of heartbeats. Finally, the pilot turned back to the controls and the stars beyond the viewport. She said nothing.

“You don’t believe me?” River asked.

“I believe you,” Connor answered quietly.

River frowned. “And you aren’t going to tell the others?”

“You can if you want to, girlie. I, for one, will do nothing to stand in the way of his dying.” Connor sounded casual, but her gaze refused to meet River’s.

River pulled her feet up into the seat and wrapped her arms around her knees. She said nothing more on the subject as Serenity proceeded on her intercept course with Inara.

****

Hours later, Jayne climbed up the final steps to the bridge and entered a room of frosty silence. He glanced from River to Connor and back again. “We there yet?”

“Thirty minutes out,” Connor informed him.

“Good. Looking forward to gettin’ Inara on-board and layin’ low for a while.”

Neither River nor Connor commented.

“What’s up with you two? Thought you guys were all buddy-buddy already?” Jayne asked as he hooked his thumbs into the pockets of his pants.

“Maybe we were just enjoying a little peace until someone interrupted us,” Connor replied with an insincere smile that she tossed over her shoulder at Jayne.

River still said nothing.

Jayne narrowed his eyes. “I’m trying to figure out if you’re really brave or batshit crazy for standing up to that contractor like that.”

River’s gaze darted to Connor’s profile and lingered as the pilot glanced at her then turned her gaze back on the viewport.

“Either has to be better than be a coward,” Connor answered.

“I wasn’t no coward. I didn’t tell them anything that’d hurt nobody,” Jayne answered angrily as he took a step further into the cockpit, his hand tensing into a fist.

“Maybe you should check on him,” River suddenly blurted, her melodic voice cutting through the tension and making both Connor and Jayne look at her in surprise.

“Huh?” Jayne asked.

“The prisoner. Maybe you should check on him.” River’s gaze met Connor’s again, but the pilot quickly looked away.

“Why would I want to do that?” Jayne wondered like it was the craziest thing he’d ever heard.

“Just a suggestion,” River commented. She unfurled herself from the chair and moved past Jayne. “Make sure he’s secure and all.”

Connor’s jaw set, but she said nothing as River left. She closed her eyes and counted to ten, wearily coming to a decision as her green eyes blinked open again. “She’s right. Check on him, would you?”

“I don’t take orders from you,” Jayne sneered.

“Not asking you to.”

Jayne hesitated. “Hell. Fine. I’ll go peek. But I ain’t no coward,” he added as a reminder.

Connor held up both hands in surrender as Jayne pivoted and stomped down the stairs. “Wonder if I am, though,” she muttered when she was alone.

****

“Why do I gotta look in on him?” Jayne grumbled as he made his way to the galley with Kaylee close on his heels. He’d passed the mechanic on her way to her bunk and had enlisted her as backup.

“I thought you said Connor told you to check on him,” Kaylee explained as she scratched at an itchy patch just under her right ear.

Jayne stopped a few feet away from the door and merely looked at it.

Kaylee paused behind him, looking first at the door and then the motionless mercenary. A small smirk appeared. “Ain’t like he can hurt you,” she said with a tiny hint of amusement. “Him being locked up and all.”

Jayne snorted unconvincingly. “I ain’t afraid of him.” He winced, hearing how lame he sounded to his own ears.

“Right. That’s why you’re standin’ back here instead of lookin’ in on him.”

Jayne almost growled at the mechanic before edging closer to the door. He peered in on the prisoner reluctantly. “Looks like he’s sleepin’,” Jayne announced and started to hurry away. He swore when Kaylee caught his elbow and kept him in place.

The mechanic glanced inside and studied the contractor. He was lying on his right side and did, on first glance, appear to be sleeping. There was something off, though. “Does it look like he just slumped over or somethin’? He don’t exactly look comfortable.”

Jayne risked another quick glance and tried to move away again. “Connor broke his leg. Lover boy probably shot him full of pain meds he don’t deserve.”

“Jayne,” Kaylee called out, her voice deepening as the mercenary was almost to the door. “Get Simon.”

“Why?”

Kaylee stared with growing dread at the foam she could now see oozing from the corner of the contractor’s mouth. “Just get him.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See chapter one for notes.

There were curses and cries coming from the galley, the voices carrying past the crew quarters and up to the pilot’s ears where she sat unmoving on the bridge. Kaylee’s frantic calls for Simon were almost drowned out by Jayne’s deep bellows for Mal. Connor knew what the mechanic and mercenary had found, and she’d closed her eyes in simple relief knowing the man who’d come to take River was dead. She hoped it had been a painful death, but she knew deep in her guts that he’d felt nothing.

A thin layer of guilt was laced with her relief, however. Connor suspected River had kept quiet about the contractor’s fate as a way to make it up to her after their conversation in the infirmary. The knowledge made her feel dirty, as if she’d somehow made River complicit in his death. Now the pilot felt even worse about the way she was treating the younger woman. It would serve her right if River never spoke to her again.

Mal’s voice reached her, and Connor felt her anger shift from herself to the captain. If he’d just thrown the bastard out an airlock there would be none of this damn drama. Connor checked the radar. Inara’s shuttle was a blip in the distance. She set the autopilot and got up from the helm before stomping down the stairs and entering the galley.

Kaylee glanced up at her arrival and offered her a tight, weak smile in greeting. The mechanic was staying away from the door to the brig, as if she were afraid to get too close to the dead man. Jayne was nowhere to be seen, and Connor assumed he’d gone to fetch the doctor. Mal stepped out of the brig, his features a stone mask as his gaze shifted from the mechanic to Connor.

“He’s dead,” Mal informed her.

“What a shame,” Connor replied insincerely as she rested her hand on the butt of the gun nestled on her right hip.

Mal moved closer, his eyes narrowing. “You’re damn right it’s a shame. We coulda got something from him. Something that could have kept us a step ahead of the Alliance.”

“I’m not going to shed any tears over a damn contractor,” Connor replied as she took a step toward Mal.

Kaylee eased back another step until her back hit the wall. She could feel the rising tension in the room and resisted the urge to squirm in reaction. “Um… maybe we oughta…”

“Not asking you to,” Mal countered Connor as if Kaylee hadn’t spoken. “But we just lost our best damn hope for finding out what the Alliance planned next.”

Connor snorted and shook her head. “You’re a fool.” She turned and started to head back to the bridge only to have Mal grab her elbow and spin her back around. They were now practically nose-to-nose.

“Oh boy,” Kaylee muttered.

“It’s not foolish to do everything a man can to protect his crew,” the captain declared in a low growl.

“Protect? Is that what you call this?” Connor nearly shouted as her right hand left the butt of her gun to gesture toward the brig. “You have a man who is trying to take a member of your crew… maybe even kill her… and leave him on this ship? You just wanted a punching bag,” Connor snarled.

Kaylee eased around the two and decided to head for the bridge. She didn’t want to be present when fists started flying. She’d just go make sure Inara got back okay and would leave the misplaced squabbling to the pilot and her captain. “I’m just gonna… you know… be on the bridge,” she announced before scurrying away.

Mal and Connor watched her go before shifting their focus back on each other.

“I am not fond of torture,” Mal said when Kaylee was gone. “Especially since I had a time or two on the receiving end, but I will do what I have to do to get the Alliance off our tail.”

“You brought them down on your tail!” Connor’s voice elevated further. “When you went and broadcast their little secret to the ‘Verse. Did you really think they’d just leave you alone forever? That they wouldn’t try to find you and make you pay for that?”

Jayne, leading Simon, reached the door just as Zoe arrived. They crowded into the space, but hung back, watching the proceedings warily.

“This is gonna get ugly,” Zoe muttered under her breath.

Simon simply ignored them all and slipped past the two oblivious crewmembers. He entered the brig and shut the door, preferring to tend to his patient than listen to the captain and pilot squabbling.

“It was the right thing to do,” Mal told Connor, his features still and his eyes hard. “They killed millions of people. They made the Reavers. Was I supposed to just turn my back on that?”

“They did all those things,” Connor agreed. “They care that little about human life… and yet you kept one of them on-board, putting us all at risk. You knew you wouldn’t get anything out of him, but the stubborn Malcolm Reynolds doesn’t know when to quit. He just has to keep fighting… keep pushing… until he gets himself or everyone around him dead.”

“Connor,” Zoe’s voice was cold and held an edge of warning to it.

“What happened to your whole platoon, Mal?” Connor asked with a sneer. “You kept them fighting even after you were ordered to surrender. Only you and Zoe made it, right?”

Mal’s fist caught Connor just below the eye, her whole frame rocking to the right with the force of the blow. The pilot let him hit her, needing the punishing pain. Having left himself open, Connor stepped in and brought her knee up into Mal’s stomach, doubling him over and nearly dropping him to his knees. She grabbed him by the back of his shirt and shoved him toward the table. He crashed face first into the mixed assortment of chairs and sent them scattering.

Mal wiped his bleeding lip and glared at the pilot as he got to his feet. “At least I fought,” he snarled. “Where were you? You sure as hell weren’t where you were supposed to be.”

Connor felt the shame that always came with the memory. She’d been trapped in cockpit, unable to lift off as the resistance surrendered, land-locking all their ships. She’d raged, screamed at her superiors to let her go and finally begged to no avail. Mal had no right, no right to blame her for a damn thing…

The pilot came at the captain, swinging out and connecting with his nose. Blood spurted, but Mal didn’t go down. He wrapped his arms around Connor’s waist and lifted her before slamming her down onto the table. The old wood gave way, and both of them toppled to the floor.

River arrived, sliding around Jayne and coming to stand next to Zoe. Her brown eyes were wide as she watched Mal and Sarah grapple. She started forward, but Zoe’s hand landed on her shoulder and kept her in place.

“Leave ‘em be. They need to get this out,” Zoe told the younger woman.

Connor took Mal’s punch to her jaw. It hurt like hell and she saw stars, but the punishment felt good…. necessary. She rolled him off her and delivered a punch of her own, rocking Mal’s head back and smacking it into the floor.

“Some things never change.”

Zoe turned her head and found Inara standing in the doorway with Kaylee. The companion’s hair was pulled back, and she was wearing a long, satin blue dress. Jewels adorned Inara’s ears and rested at the hollow of her throat. In short, she looked completely out of place in the quickly disintegrating galley. “Welcome home,” Zoe drawled.

“You have to stop them,” River pleaded, sensing the pain coming from both fighters now.

“River,” Zoe warned.

River turned her desperate gaze on Jayne. “Please. You have to stop them!”

Jayne frowned at that look, feeling his resolve to enjoy a good fight crumble under the weight of it. “Fine,” he grumped before wading into the middle of the room and grabbing both Mal and Connor by their collars and hauling them apart.

Both of the fighters were bloody and breathing hard now. Zoe wondered if either of them would stay on their feet if Jayne turned them loose.

River looked like she wanted to say something, but she simply stared at Connor for a long, silence-filled minute before spinning away and running back toward her quarters below.

Connor watched the girl go through the haze of blood spilling into her eye. She shook loose of Jayne’s grip and managed to stand on her own two feet. She’d been spoiling for a fight, and she’d gotten one, but now she just felt empty and bruised. Her gaze met Mal’s and held for an awkward moment before both looked away.

Simon opened the door to the brig slowly, peering his head out now that the noise had stopped. “Is it over?”

“It’s over,” Mal answered before spitting blood. He felt around with his tongue, noting a few loose teeth, but at least they were all still intact.

“He’s dead,” Simon declared. “Looks like cyanide poisoning.”

Mal nodded. “Just as well, I suppose,” he admitted.

Connor took a breath, feeling her ribs protest. She took a cautious step and then another before walking carefully out of the galley. The pilot passed Inara who seemed to be studying her with a bemused smile.

“I don’t think we’ve met,” the companion said breezily as if what she’d just witnessed happened around there everyday. “I’m Inara.” She extended her hand.

The pilot snorted at the companion’s cheekiness, but took the firm grip and shook it. “Connor. Nice to meet you,” she drawled. Without another word, Connor left the galley for her quarters.

Inara watched her go with interest, before looking back at the others. “So who is dead, who was that, and why was I recalled so early?”

The rest of the crew almost seemed to sigh in unison.

“You better sit down,” Zoe said. “It’s a long story.”

****

The bed felt like a luxury Connor didn’t deserve. After letting the hatch to her quarters clang shut, the pilot had all but crawled onto the surface, skipping the sheets and blankets, as she was too weary to slide under them. She clutched a pillow and hugged it to her chest, settling on her left side with her back to the hatch. Closing her eyes, she did her best to block out the protests of her abused body. Her wrists were burning like fire under her bandages, and her ribs throbbed with each breath. Her head pounded like one of Serenity’s landing struts was sitting on it.

Connor moved her jaw, privately impressed with Mal’s right hook. He’d worked on that a little since the last time they’d brawled. She took some satisfaction in knowing that she’d put more hurt on him than he’d laid on her, but the satisfaction was tempered by the knowledge that he hadn’t deserved what she’d dished out.

“Bloody idiot,” Connor cursed herself. Now Mal and Zoe were probably pissed at her and with good reason. Still, Connor knew she would not feel bad that the contractor was out of their midst. River was safer this way, and she would not apologize for being happy about that.

Her thoughts shifted abruptly to River. The way the younger woman had looked at her before fleeing the galley had hurt almost as much as Mal’s right hook. Connor’s thumb stroked the surface of the pillow absently as she thought about the disappointment she’d seen in River’s eyes. What did the co-pilot think of her now? It was probably for the best if the shine on River’s curiosity about her had worn off, but it depressed Connor to think about it. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d let someone get as close physically, let alone emotionally, as she’d allowed River. Had she ruined that? Had she been trying to? Would she be sorry if she had?

So lost in her thoughts and a haze of pain, Connor didn’t hear her hatch open or shut. She’d missed the faintest footfalls of bare feet on her ladder, but the touch of a warm hand on her shoulder made her start and hiss.

“Let me see,” River’s voice was almost a whisper and had a weariness to it Connor had never heard before.

The pilot allowed herself to be rolled over onto her back and found herself looking up into River’s worried brown eyes. The sight of her warmed Connor unexpectedly, and she swallowed as a lump seemed to form at the back of her throat. As she watched, River set aside a bowl of warm water and dipped a cloth in it.

“I guess the captain rates the real doctor on-board, huh?” Connor murmured.

River’s motions hesitated briefly before continuing. She wrung out the cloth and turned to Sarah, touching the pilot’s chin and gently moving her bruised and bloodied face toward the light. “Would you rather I fetch Simon?” River asked.

Connor stared at the girl, too tired to look away even though she knew she should. “No,” she confessed softly.

Their gazes met and held for a string of heartbeats before River looked away and began to carefully tend to the wound on Sarah’s forehead. “You shouldn’t have done that,” River scolded.

There had to be something in the water, Connor decided, because the pain started to dull almost instantly. “Story of my life,” Connor joked faintly. She paused and bit her lip only to wince as the split skin made its displeasure known. “Mal…?”

“Mad as a badger,” River admitted with the slightest trace of a smile. “But he’s not talking about tossing you out an airlock with the contractor so I think you’re okay.”

Connor tilted her head slightly so she could study River better in the dim light. “I didn’t hurt him, did I?”

River held her gaze again, and Connor watched as tension she hadn’t known was there fell from the girl’s shoulders.

“No. Well… his pride maybe.”

Connor smirked. “As many beatings as that’s taken, you think he’d be used to it.”

River smiled and Connor felt her whole spirit brighten in response. Why this gentle soul of a girl wanted to be around someone as dark and damaged as her was just baffling. Connor closed her eyes as River moved to dip the cloth again. The sounds of tinkling water reached her, mingling with the hum of Serenity’s engines and River’s steady breathing. A moment later, the cloth skimmed down Connor’s cheek, warm and wet, before moving once more to her brow. No one had ever shown her such concern and kindness, and Connor found herself squeezing her eyes tighter as unexpected tears threatened in reaction.

“What else hurts?” River asked in a hushed voice.

“Everything,” Connor admitted, her attention focused on how her chest was aching in reaction to River’s administrations.

River set aside the cloth and slowly slid her long fingers along Connor’s sides. The older woman sucked in a sharp breath at the touch, but River didn’t stop as she carefully felt each rib. “Nothing feels broken,” she murmured.

Connor had to swallow again before she could respond. “Just bruised,” she confirmed, her eyes fluttering open to see River leaning over her, watching Sarah’s features with concern. “Don’t look at me like that, girlie,” Connor almost gasped.

“Like I care?” River guessed, her touch gentling into a light massage of Sarah’s abused muscles. “I do care,” she informed her patient.

The pilot started to respond but was silence by River’s fingers on her lips.

“Everything that you did today… you did because you care about me… about the whole crew. Don’t expect us not to feel the same way.”

Connor felt like she couldn’t breathe as River’s touch explored her lips and face in fascination. “I’m not worth the trouble,” she managed. “Hell, I’m sitting in a dead man’s chair…”

“No,” River said fiercely. She shook her head. “You’ll be different,” she whispered, but she sounded unsure and afraid.

“River…” Connor murmured, unsure whether to admonish the girl to not get too attached or to thank her for caring.

River seemed to sense her confusion and got reluctantly to her feet. “Do you need something for the pain?”

Connor missed the co-pilot’s nearness and heat instantly. “No, I can manage.”

“Can you? Or do you feel like you still have to punish yourself?”

The pilot smirked again. “You think you have me all figured out?”

“No,” River admitted. “But it doesn’t take a psychic to understand why you picked a fight with the captain.”

Connor sighed as she watched River gathering her supplies. “I let him down. I let them all down. Mal deserved to throw some punches at me. At least it got that hurt out of his system.”

“Why didn’t you just tell them what it was like for you? Why didn’t you tell them how you destroyed all the controls in your ship when they wouldn’t let you take off?” River asked, her brown eyes bright with questions.

Connor’s breath hitched. “How did you know that?”

“That angry… at the situation and yourself… your guard was down. You were practically broadcasting the memories as if you wished Mal could see them.”

It was disconcerting information that Connor had no idea what to do with so she ignored it. Her attention zeroed back in on River when her co-pilot suddenly swayed in place. “Hey,” Connor said, her voice sharpening. Ignoring the pain, she sat up and swung her legs over and onto the floor just as River swayed again and started to topple over. “River!”

Connor caught her and coughed when her ribs protested the sudden pressure and weight against them. River clung weakly to her, forcing Connor to shift and ease the girl down onto the bed. She gripped River’s chin in her hand and tilted the woman’s face to the light. “What’s wrong?” Connor demanded.

River shook her head. “Tired. Haven’t slept since the dream.”

“That’s been days, River,” Connor declared with shock. She started to reach for the commlink near her bunk. “I’m calling your brother.”

“No!” River barked and clutched at Connor, nearly dragging the unsteady pilot down on top of her. “He’ll medicate me.”

“If that’s what it takes to help you sleep…”

“Messes up my dreams. Makes them twist and turn. Please…” River’s hands slipped from the pilot’s arms to clutch the buckle of Connor’s gun belt. “Be okay,” she promised. “Give me just a minute.”

Assessing the situation, Connor wearily admitted there was only one outcome that made sense for both of them. “Lay down.”

River shook her head again and started to stand. “I’m okay…” She fell silent as Sarah’s hands landed on her shoulders and urged her gently back down.

“Lay down and scoot over,” Connor ordered her.

River blinked before easing herself back on the bed, grabbing Sarah’s discarded pillow and bringing it to her chest. She watched as Sarah kicked out of her boots and unbuckled her gun belt before slinging it over a chair. Finally Sarah was sliding under the covers with her. The pilot jerked her chin, indicating that River should come closer in the small bed. “I…”

“You’re going to get some sleep, and I’m going to make sure of it,” Connor vowed. “Least I can do after mucking up this damn day so badly.” Heart hammering in sharp contrast to how casual her voice sounded, Connor patted her shoulder. “I don’t bite.”

River looked like she wanted to say something to that, and Connor’s eyebrows hiked, but in the end, the co-pilot carefully moved closer, settling her head on Connor’s shoulder and easing and arm around Connor’s waist.

The pilot took an unsteady breath at how happy River’s presence seemed to make her whole body feel. Happy and seriously sleepy. She wrapped an arm around River’s shoulders, pulling her even closer. “You okay?” she asked softly.

Nodding, River felt her body relaxing almost instantly. “I… I have nightmares…” she admitted haltingly.

“So do I,” Connor informed her. “We’ll both have to try not to throw elbows at each other.” River smiled, and Connor could feel the crease of the girl’s lips against the bare skin of her shoulder. “Comfortable?” Connor asked after a long moment of savoring River’s nearness.

“Yeah,” River said, her voice carrying a hint of wonder and confusion.

Connor felt her stomach plunge in a wild and appealing way. She closed her eyes and snorted at herself, accepting what she was beginning to feel for the younger woman in her arms. Nothing would ever come of it, she knew, they were both too damaged, but maybe they could at least be friends.

It was the last thought she had before sleep pulled the two women who steered Serenity through the stars into the black.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See chapter one for notes.

The remains of the galley table were at Zoe’s feet. Even though it had been hours since Connor and Mal’s tussle, no one had bothered to clean up the mess. Zoe kicked a small chunk of wood and watched it hop and skitter across the floor, coming to rest at the bottom of the steps. A flash of color caught the second-in-command’s attention, and Zoe’s gaze lifted from the wood to Inara’s familiar features. She gave the companion a tight smile. “Evening.”

“Evening,” Inara practically purred. She lifted the hem of her skirt as she descended the steps, giving the damage only a cursory glance before pulling up a chair and sitting down next to Zoe. “Quite the day.”

Zoe sighed. “Been a lot of those lately.”

“So I’ve heard. Kaylee has been filling me in a little.”

Zoe slumped back in her chair before she extended her legs and crossed her arms and ankles. “So I reckon you’re looking for a few more details,” she guessed with fatigue evident in her voice.

Inara inclined her head in the affirmative. “If you feel up to giving them. I understand you have history with our dashing new pilot,” the companion began, staying away from the more concerning topic of the contractors for the moment. Sometimes it was better to ease into more terrifying topics.

“Dashing? You falling for her, too?” Zoe quipped wearily.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Inara paused before slowly smiling. “We’ve barely been introduced.”

That got a tired chuckle from Zoe. “Mal and I served with her during the war,” she offered, suspecting Inara had heard that much already.

“She must have been young,” Inara ventured.

“We all were,” Zoe replied. “But Connor was a bit younger than most. Hell of a pilot. She made some of the seasoned flyboys look like rookies.”

Inara noted the warmth that entered Zoe’s voice with the memories. “So if she’s so talented, why didn’t we go to her sooner?”

A wicked grin flickered across Zoe’s lips before disappearing. A hint of a secret lurked in the older woman’s dark eyes. “Connor and Mal have some history.”

“Oh really?” Inara felt her interest pique. She and Mal had their own history, some of it good, most of it annoying. Based on the gossip Kaylee had happily supplied, Inara was a bit surprised to hear there was a past of that sort between the captain and their new pilot. Connor’s interest veered in another direction, if the mechanic were to be believed.

“Not that kind. Not really,” Zoe corrected. “They always mixed like oil and water, but it never seemed to stop ‘em from trying to stir things up when they had leave. They both like trouble. Attracted to it like magnets. It’s the one thing they have in common, and it was apparently enough to form a mutual respect. Truthfully? I think they like each other, but ain’t neither one of them gonna admit it.”

Inara smiled. It had been a long time since she’d heard Zoe string that many sentences together. She missed listening to Zoe’s low voice; missed the more amusing war stories she’d shared around the now destroyed galley table. These days Zoe ate mostly in silence, rarely contributing to the conversation. When she’d gone looking for more information after speaking with Kaylee, Inara really hadn’t expected Zoe to provide it. The other woman just seemed too tired to keep up her usual reserves tonight, and for that, Inara was grateful. “So where does Connor come from? Why did she fight for the resistance?”

Zoe’s lips pursed and all amusement fled from her features. “She’s from the English colonies. That much is obvious. As for her reasons for fighting the Alliance… they’re her reasons,” she answered tightly. “You want to know, you’ll have to ask her.”

The companion realized she’d waded into dangerous waters and began to expertly maneuver away from the deep end. “I apologize if I asked something I shouldn’t. I’m merely curious about our new pilot.” She started to rise slowly, as if to leave, calculating that Zoe would stop her.

“You’ve never asked about the others,” Zoe replied lazily as she tipped her head back and regarded the younger woman.

“You didn’t know the others,” Inara countered simply.

Zoe dipped her head in acknowledgment. “Got a point.” She looked back up at Inara. The lights in the galley were low, throwing Inara’s defined cheeks bones into sharper relief. Without thinking, Zoe reached out and caught Inara around the wrist, the companion’s skin warm and soft as silk under her grip. “Sorry,” she told her friend. “Connor had good reason to fight the Alliance, but those reasons are her own. I figure she’ll share ‘em if she has a mind to.”

Inara sighed as Zoe let her go before choosing to return to the chair next to the older woman. “You don’t need to apologize. You’re being a friend, and I’m being a busybody.”

“Being curious about the person flying the boat you’re living on is understandable.”

“Well I certainly think so,” Inara teased.

Zoe smiled, but it seemed a hollow gesture. Inara pressed her painted lips together. She was concerned by Zoe’s attitude but not deterred by it in the least. She changed topics, hoping a lighter subject might improve the second-in-command’s mood. “So… Kaylee filled me in on a few… other things,” Inara said with a bit of a twinkle in her eye.

“You mean Connor and River?” Zoe guessed.

“I do. It sounds sweet. It’s about time River got her first crush.”

“Yeah. I thought it was amusing up until a few hours ago.” Zoe sighed again and studied her callused hands where they now rested limply in her lap. “Sorry. I’m not much company tonight, apparently.”

Inara twitched her skirt before looking at Zoe. Her friend was hurting. She could see it plainly in the tense set of Zoe’s shoulders and written into the small lines of her friend’s face. The situation with the contractors had to be stirring up difficult memories of Wash. She hated watching this noble woman in so much pain. Knowing there was little she could do, and even less that Zoe would allow, made the companion’s stomach twist in knots. Reaching out, Inara settled her hand on Zoe’s shoulder. When her friend made no move to dislodge the contact, Inara held her breath and began to massage the surface with her thumb.

“Mmm.” Zoe’s eyelids briefly fluttered. The touch felt nice after the abuse her body had taken over the last few days. “Missed your callin’.”

“You think I should have been a masseuse?” Inara chided with amusement as she slowly breathed out in relief.

“Something tells me you could have been anything you liked,” Zoe answered as Inara’s fingers moved up to her neck. Her eyes closed completely as her friend’s touch worked at the stiff muscles that were providing ammunition for her whopping headache.

Flattered and pleased that Zoe was allowing her to get close for a change, Inara smiled knowingly. “Perhaps. So tell me about River and our pilot.”

Zoe’s head lifted and she blinked open one eye to gaze suspiciously at the companion. “Is that what this is? You loosen my muscles and think my tongue will follow?”

Inara chuckled, the sound almost musical to Zoe’s ears.

“Not my plan, but I’ll run with it if it works. You just seem so sore it was making me ache to look at you. You should check with Simon. I’m sure he has something that would relax you.”

“He does, but it would relax me too much. Can’t let my guard down with the Alliance hunting us.”

Slowly, Inara got to her feet and moved in behind Zoe, adding her other hand to the massage. “I hadn’t thought of that,” she admitted in a quieter voice. The muscles under her hands were tight but strong, stronger than even Inara had imagined them to be. Her own muscles tightened in sympathy, or perhaps it was the sudden reminder of the Alliance tracking them again that caused them to bunch and tangle.

Zoe detected the worry in Inara’s voice and changed subjects. “So River and Connor…”

The companion shook off her worries and fears, pushing them to the back of her mind with lots of practice. “They seem an interesting match.”

“Wouldn’t go so far as to call ‘em a match,” Zoe mused. “But they might be headed in that general direction. Simon ain’t too keen on the idea from what Kaylee says.”

“Why?” Inara increased the pressure on Zoe’s shoulders as the muscles begin to yield to her touch. She was surprised Zoe was allowing the contact. Her friend had retreated into herself so much since Wash died. Getting this little glimpse of the Zoe she used to know was something nice to come home to, Inara decided.

“Worries for his sister. Don’t think River has it in her to deal with these types of feelings.”

Inara’s touch went still on Zoe’s shoulders. “River has probably felt every emotion that ever was a thousand times over.”

“Probably. But they were never her emotions now were they?” Zoe pointed out practically.

“True.” Inara resumed her massage, her mind sifting through this new information. “But River is so much better now.” She frowned, not liking the thought that River would never find love. The young woman was practically filled to bursting with it. Never finding someone to share that with would make the ‘Verse a cold and cruel one, indeed.

“True,” Zoe echoed. “And Connor is good people, even if she did deserve to get popped in the mouth earlier.”

“Zoe,” Inara said carefully, mentally crossing her fingers and hoping that she wasn’t about to upset the other woman. “Correct me if I am wrong, but didn’t the resistance land-lock all the vehicles as a condition of their surrender at Serenity Valley? Would Connor have even been able to take off?”

Zoe’s eyes closed. “No. She wouldn’t have, and I know in my head she would have torn that cockpit apart trying to make that bird fly, but it’s still a hurt. That fight brought back a lot of memories I’d just as soon forget.”

“I can imagine,” the companion said slowly. She looked down at her hands where they now rested on Zoe’s broad shoulders. She was tempted to move forward one more step, to wrap her arms around Zoe’s body, but she knew it would break the moment they now found themselves in. Zoe needed comfort, and this was as close as she was going to let someone get to giving it to her.

****

“Connor?” Mal pounded harder than necessary on the pilot’s hatch. “Connor, are you gonna wake up and steer this boat sometime today?” Just for spite, the captain pounded again, hoping his pilot would wake up with the same headache he did.

Below, both Connor and River started into wakefulness, blinking at each other as they came to in one another’s arms.

“Connor?” Mal called down, his voice muffled by a few inches of steel. “You dead in there?”

The pilot lifted her head, looking past River’s sleepy features to take in the time on her commlink. She swore under her breath, realizing her body’s internal alarm had failed for the first time in fifteen years.

She didn’t have to be a genius to figure out why.

“I’ll be there in a minute!” Connor shouted back at him. She flopped back against the pillows as his heavy footfalls tromped away.

“Morning,” River greeted her shyly. Her hair was adorably tousled, and her eyes still looked glassy with sleep. As Connor watched, River eased a strap of her dress that had slipped off her shoulder in sleep back into place.

The pilot noticed the younger woman made no move to rise from the bed. That was okay, since she had no inclination to let River go, despite what she’d just told Mal. “Morning.”

River stared at the pilot for a long, disconcerting moment. “I slept through the night,” she finally breathed.

“Good,” Connor replied and meant it. “You damn well needed it.”

“I slept through the night,” River said again. “I haven’t done that since the Academy.”

The pilot breathed in River’s scent as she considered that piece of news. “I…” She blinked. “I didn’t wake up, either,” she realized aloud.

“No nightmares?” River inquired.

“No nightmares,” Connor confirmed. She frowned as she tried to recall the dream Mal had torn her from. “I dreamed I was home… on the planet I grew up on.”

“I dreamed I was dancing.”

Connor tilted her head to take in River more fully, enjoying the tone of delight in her bedmate’s voice. “You like to dance?”

River nodded. “It’s freeing. Being the music instead of me.”

The sentiment was both sweet and sad. Connor reached out and brushed a lock of hair from River’s features, tucking it behind the younger woman’s ear. “I’ll have to take you dancing at some point then,” she offered and watched River’s face transform with a radiant smile that did funny things to Connor’s breathing.

“You dance?” River wondered.

“Badly,” Connor admitted with a shrug. “Two left feet.”

“I’d still like to dance with you anyway,” River said gently.

“I got that about you. You like to live dangerously. Hopefully your toes won’t pay the price.”

Sarah felt delighted when River giggled. The young woman had such a joyous laugh.

“Thanks for helping me sleep,” River murmured. “I feel a lot better.”

“Good,” Connor almost whispered as her traitorous gaze dipped to the younger woman’s lips only to jerk away when she realized what she was contemplating. Connor sensed interest from River, but there was no way in hell she was going to make any moves on the girl.

The pilot rolled out of the bed, needing distance suddenly. “Um… I should…” She motioned at the narrow shower. “Before Mal decides to toss me out that airlock after all.”

Reluctantly, River climbed out of her warm nest of blanks. “I had better get back to my quarters,” she admitted. “Simon will miss me.”

“Yeah,” Connor agreed softly, really wishing River didn’t have to go and nearly hating herself for wanting her to stay. Connor grabbed the ladder and pulled it down, her grip wrapping around one pole as she watched River come closer. “I’ll see you in a spell on the bridge.”

River stared at the pilot for a string of heartbeats. Connor wasn’t sure if the woman was considering saying something or doing something, but River was making her nervous.

“Okay,” River finally breathed. With a soft, almost seductive smile for the pilot, River moved up the ladder and left, the hatch closing quietly above.

Sarah put her head against the ladder and released a shuddering sigh.

****

“You want to what?” Inara asked Mal with disbelief. He’d found her and Zoe sharing a cup of coffee in companionable silence in the galley. They’d stayed up all night talking about everything from River’s crush to the Alliance’s motives. Now when sleep was calling, Mal was telling her something that would give her nightmares. “Are you out of your mind?”

Mal crossed his arms and pretended not to look affronted. “Possibly,” he said casually. “All the more reason they wouldn’t see this coming.”

“Sir,” Zoe said softly. “You’re talking about landing on a planet in Alliance space.”

“Yep.” Mal rocked on the heels of his shoes as the two women looked at him like he was mad.

Inara glanced at Zoe before looking back at Mal. “Our faces are on every bulletin in the ‘Verse,” she reminded him.

“Not all our faces. They ain’t aware of Connor.” Mal smirked.

“Sir…” Zoe started again.

Mal held up his hands. “They will be expecting us to go to ground right now. They know we’re onto them. They would never imagine that we’d head for the closest Alliance planet to restock.”

It made a sick kind of sense, but Zoe and Inara still didn’t look convinced.

“Connor can’t retrieve everything we need. Serenity needs some new parts. We need food… ammo…” Zoe trailed off into stunned silence, blinking stupidly at Jayne, who walked up and stood framed in the entrance to the galley. Zoe knew she was exhausted, but fatigue couldn’t be responsible for the sight she was witnessing now. “Holy mother.”

“What?” Jayne demanded. He looked down at himself before looking back at the shell-shocked Zoe and Inara. He sneered. “Aww, hell. Forget it, Mal. I ain’t wearing this getup.” He started to turn and go back down the steps, but Mal lunged across the room and caught him as Inara and Zoe got to their feet, both of them gaping.

“Stop lookin’ at me like that,” Jayne spat. “Wasn’t my idea to get dressed up all fussy.”

Inara’s eyebrows rose as she took in a bathed, clean-shaven, and suit-sporting Jayne Cobb. “It is snowing in hell,” she murmured to Zoe.

Zoe looked Jayne up and down. “I’ll be damned,” she muttered. “Ain’t no one gonna mistake him for ours.”

Jayne glanced down at himself again. “It itches,” he groused. “My face feels all funny, too.” He rubbed at the whisker-less surface. “Ain’t been so bare since I was in nappies.”

Inara and Zoe both glanced at each other once more then burst into sudden laughter.

“Jayne,” Mal warned as the mercenary turned and started to flee again. He held Jayne’s elbow tight and kept him in place. “You look nice.” He tugged at the lapel of Jayne’s dark suit to straighten it. “This will work.”

Zoe wiped her eyes, not having had such a good laugh in a long time. “Actually…” she said through a few hysterical giggles. “You do clean up well.”

“Yeah?” Jayne asked hesitantly as he glanced down at himself.

“You gotta look nice if you’re gonna look like you’re married to Connor,” Mal informed him.

Inara spluttered the sip of coffee she’d just taken as Zoe blinked almost owlishly at them.

“Um… sir, have you mentioned this plan to Connor yet?” Zoe inquired. Mal’s cheeky grin was all the answer she needed.

****

“You want me to what?”

Mal hooked his thumbs in his belt loops. “You heard me. You and Jayne can pose as a couple and collect the food and parts we need. Zoe and I know a few folks planetside that can get us our ammo under the table.”

Connor rubbed at her now aching forehead. “You’re insane. I must have hit you harder than I thought.”

Mal’s jaw shifted with remembered pain. “You did pack a right nice punch,” he confessed. “But this ain’t about revenge,” he lied. “It’s business. The Alliance don’t know you.”

River wrapped her arms around her knees where she sat curled up in the co-pilot’s chair. Her eyes were wide and unblinking as she watched Mal and Connor like a tennis match. Behind the captain, Inara, Zoe and Jayne all clustered around the steps and observed Mal’s efforts to sway their headstrong pilot.

“The Alliance does know me. They just don’t know I’m traveling with the likes of you.”

Mal huffed. “You ask me, you’re keeping better company these days.”

Connor rolled her eyes.

“Look,” Mal argued. “They won’t see this coming. You walk in with Jayne, get the supplies, and come home. What could go wrong?”

A collective groan came from the doorway.

“Are you ever going to learn not to ask that question out loud?” Inara grumbled.

Connor’s lips quirked. “If they run my credentials, and you know they will, they’ll wonder what I’m doing this far from Bardeen.”

“Tell ‘em your newlyweds,” Mal answered quickly, clearly having already conjured an excuse. “And when they mention the Reavers, you just act all surprised like.”

Connor glanced at River who shrugged. “That’s not helpful,” she told the younger woman. River smirked in response, the expression cute as hell. “You think this is funny.”

“The thought of you wedded to Jayne?” River asked. She glanced back at the mercenary who narrowed his eyes at her. “You don’t?” River asked as she looked back at Connor.

“Hey!” Jayne protested.

“All right,” Mal interjected, stepping in front of Jayne as he started to advance on River who was watching Jayne placidly. “Time’s a wastin’. We need to get a move on before the Alliance gets wind of us.”

“They’d be a lot less likely to do that if we wouldn’t land on one of their damn planets,” Connor pointed out.

“They’ll be looking for us on all the planets that ain’t theirs,” Mal replied without rancor. “Why not get better materials and fetch ‘em in a place they won’t expect us to go?” Mal smiled sweetly at her.

Connor hated to admit he had a point. It was twisted enough logic to work. Her gaze went to River who was watching her silently. The fact was that they needed supplies, and they’d be in a much better position to protect River with them than without them. Connor sighed. The things she kept doing for this girl. “Fine. I’ll do it, but only because I want to keep eating.” Her gaze lingered on River, and it was clear to anyone watching what Connor’s real motives were.

Inara watched the exchange between the two with fascination. She had wondered about Connor’s attitude toward River. Seeing the chemistry between them set her worries at ease, but gave rise to a whole new host of questions.

Perhaps she could get a few answered once she had River all alone.

****

A few hours later, Serenity touched down off the radar of a small herding planet. Connor settled the firefly into a peaceful valley surrounded by trees and mountains, the ship stirring the grass and created waves in the lake nearby. A flock of angry ducks flew away, momentarily filling Serenity’s viewport with flapping feathers.

River leaned forward, craning her neck to try to catch sight of the creatures if only for another second. Her gaze turned to the blue sky and clouds, seeing their reflection in the lake as it began to still once more. “It’s so pretty,” River murmured.

“It would be,” Connor acknowledged bitterly. “Since it’s an Alliance planet.” She listened to Serenity power down. “I hope this goes quick.”

Mal stomped up the steps and surveyed the scene before him. His face was still bruised, but the small cuts were almost gone. He glanced at Connor and almost scowled when he saw how much her bruises had faded. “You ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.” Connor unhooked her harness and got to her feet. “You got the list?” Mal handed it to her, and she looked the small slip of paper over.

“Inara left a dress for you in your quarters,” Mal said casually. He gloated inwardly as Connor’s head snapped up and her green eyes narrowed to angry slits.

“I hate you,” the pilot told him.

“I know,” Mal answered. “Now hop to it.” He slapped her familiarly on the hip and knew it was only because River was present that he got to keep his hand. “Your husband’s waiting in the hold.”

“Be careful,” River pleaded seriously as the pilot began to move past her.

“You don’t see… you know… any trouble do you?” Connor asked curiously. She breathed a little easier when River shook her head.

“No more than usual anyway,” River amended.

Connor shook her head and stomped off the bridge. Mal and River regarded each other.

“She’ll get you back,” River promised him, but the young woman was smiling.

“I reckon she will,” he agreed. “But I am gonna enjoy this for all it’s worth until that very moment.” Mal dipped his head at River then tapped her playfully on the nose with a finger before leaving her alone on the bridge.

****

“Just… do the best you can,” Simon told Jayne. “I really need these supplies and the… um… other thing… I told you about.”

Jayne smirked at the doctor. “You’re whipped,” he told him.

“Just… get what I asked for,” Simon pleaded. “Please.” His gaze darted to Kaylee where she stood near the cargo bay door chatting with Inara and Zoe. She hadn’t said a word to him since he’d stuffed his foot in his mouth in the infirmary before.

“Yeah, yeah,” Jayne agreed. “So long as you pay me like you promised.”

“Thank you,” Simon said sincerely. He saw motion out of the corner of his eye and glanced up at the stairs only to do a double take. His mouth opened slightly in surprise.

“What?” Jayne asked before turning to see what had struck the doc dumb. He whistled low at the site that greeted him. “I am a lucky man.”

Connor scowled at them both as she descended the steps, holding up the hem of her skirt to keep the deep green material from brushing against Serenity’s dusty cargo bay floor. Mal was behind her, clearly enjoying the view.

“I have to say,” Inara murmured to Zoe and Kaylee. “River has excellent taste.”

Connor stopped next to Jayne as the women came closer. Kaylee walked right up to her and fingered the velvet material. The pilot wore her hair up, revealing a long neck and rather delicate ears. Some of Inara’s costume emerald jewelry was nestled in the hollow of Connor’s throat. The pilot appeared for all intents and purposes like a woman of means, at least until you saw the murder in her eyes as she glared intently at the captain.

“Wow,” the mechanic said sincerely. “You sure look pretty.”

The pilot’s jaw clenched, and Connor hoped like hell the blush she could feel heating her cheeks wasn’t traveling to her bare shoulders. “Thanks,” she answered tightly.

“You truly do, Connor,” Inara agreed. “You wear that dress beautifully.” She slapped Jayne on the shoulder when he leaned forward and tried to peer down the front of Connor’s cleavage. “Jayne,” she growled in warning. “Don’t forget this woman was wiping the galley with Mal a few hours ago.”

“That ain’t hard,” Jayne scoffed.

“Are we ready to do this?” Mal interjected.

Connor looked heavenward, obviously praying for patience she didn’t feel. “Lets just get this over.”

“You got three hours,” Mal announced, all business. “Get what you can and get back here. We don’t want to be here after dark.”

Jayne offered his arm to Connor, a salacious smirk on his face. “Shall we, sweet cheeks?”

Inara rolled her eyes, and Zoe groaned.

Connor merely sighed, just wanting the mission over and done with already. She took his arm. “Call me that again,” she commented casually, “and I’ll show you what other skills I honed in the war besides flying.”

Jayne cleared his throat, sensing he didn’t want to know what the pilot was referring to.

Zoe opened the door, letting the afternoon light float it. She gave Connor an encouraging smile as the pilot left before closing the door behind them. Her gaze shifted to Mal. “She’s going to hurt you when this is over.”

“Wow,” Kaylee said again.

Mal simply grinned. Revenge was sweet.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See chapter one for notes.

River hesitantly crept outside Serenity, her acute hearing listening for anything out of the ordinary, or the footfalls of crewmembers that might try to stop her.  Sarah and Jayne had left an hour before, and Mal and Zoe had followed shortly thereafter, leaving Inara, Kaylee and Simon on watch. Fortunately, they all seemed to be preoccupied with other matters, leaving River to slip away unnoticed.

The grass was cool and slightly damp.  It tickled between River’s bare toes, and she smiled in delight at the sensation.  It had been a while since she’d smelled a forest or crisp mountain air, and River drew in the scent of both with a deep breath.  The crew simply didn’t see planets like this often on the outer rim where Serenity conducted her business.  It was a welcome change in scenery, reminding her of home… of her mother and father.  With a flittering pang of sadness, she realized she hadn’t thought of her parents in months.

She didn’t dare wonder if they’d thought of her.

River moved toward the lake.  Gracefully, she climbed over sharp and slick stones alike, making her way toward the crystal blue water.  She finally reached the edge and stuck her toe in, shivering a little at the temperature.  Smiling, River waded in up to her knees.

It was shockingly cold, but refreshing, making her feel like she was breathing easier and fuller for the first time in months.  At that moment, in that place, life was pretty perfect.  If Sarah had been there to share it, there wouldn’t have been anything better.

Once her legs and feet began to grow numb from the cold, River climbed up onto a large rock to let her legs dangle and dry as she surveyed the scenery.  She wished she could have gone with Sarah and explored the town, but she understood why she had to stay behind.  For now, anyway.

A warm, pleasant breeze blew River’s hair back from her features.  Brown eyes fluttered closed at nature’s soft caress, the touch stirring memories of waking with Sarah that morning.  Sarah’s body had felt so good and warm beneath her own.  When the pilot had simply tucked a stray lock of River’s hair behind her ear, River had felt her whole body heat at the touch.  Even now, surrounded by so much beauty, River knew she’d give it up to be with Sarah.  If that meant being on a dry and dusty outer rim planet, so be it.  At least the Alliance was more likely to leave them alone out there.

A tiny pinprick of cold touched the base of River’s spine at the thought of her tormentors.  She frowned, turning her head to look behind her as if she were being watched.  There was no one but Serenity, the firefly looming large behind her and to her right.  The sensation persisted, and River knew better than to ignore it.  Slowly she got to her feet, calculating the fastest path over the rocks to the ship.

But there was no one there.  A part of her knew that, but the rest of her refused to be convinced.  On the breeze, River felt a presence, like spider webs ghosting over her skin.

“Hello?” She asked softly, timidly, terrified someone would answer.

There was a flash of grey light, and River winced at its brilliance.  When she opened her eyes again, Serenity was gone.  River’s heart leapt into her throat, and she staggered forward a few steps.  The ground had become cold and hard, sheeted in layers and layers of ice.  An arctic wind blew, chilling her to the bone, but it was more than the weather making her cold.

Shaking, River spun back toward the lake.  Hundreds of people were looking back at her, through her, their figures fixed and rigid.  She’d seen the looks before.  The hollowness. The emptiness.

 _Miranda_ , she remembered.

“No.”  River shook her head, her brown eyes wide and filled with fear.

“Carry us,” the people demanded as one.

“No!” River stumbled backward, trying to get away.  She knew what they wanted, what they craved, but she couldn’t do it again.  Never again.

“Avenge us,” the crowd pleaded.

Hands broke up from the ice, closing around River’s ankles.  She screamed as they clutched at her, tugged at her, until she lost her footing and tumbled from her perch, splashing into the chilly spring waters that quickly closed overhead.

****  

“What’s this do?” Jayne asked as he angled the list toward Connor.  

They were walking through a medium-sized town, and Connor was relieved no one was looking at them twice.  Mal’s plan was crazy enough to work, she realized, even if she was on the receiving end of the worst of it.  At least they would stock up with better food and supplies than they would get on the outer rim.  As long as they had what they needed to hide and keep River safe, then she could put up with feeling uncomfortable for a few hours.

Connor glanced at the item in question and shrugged.  “It makes the ship go.  That’s all I need to know.”  

Jayne frowned and pulled the list closer to his face so he could read Mal’s tiny writing.  “How are we supposed to find it if we don’t got no clue what it is?”

“I’m sure we’ll manage.”  Connor stiffened as she watched the crowd part for an Alliance patrol.  There were about ten officers, all armed, and they were headed directly for her and Jayne.  “We’ve got company.”

Jayne’s head lifted, and he swore colorfully at the sight.

“Play it cool, Jayne,” Connor advised.  She wrapped her arm tighter around the mercenary’s, pretending to be just another one of the many couples browsing the marketplace.  She could feel the tension in Jayne’s frame and knew the hand in his pocket was wrapped around a small pistol.  “Play it cool,” she repeated.

The lead officer tipped his hat at Connor as they passed, treating her like a normal citizen of wealth and means.  She smiled in return, her guts churning in reaction.

“Good day,” the officer greeted.

“Good day,” Connor echoed, keeping her accent out of her voice.

The patrol continued on, not even giving them a backward glance.  Connor breathed out slowly and willed herself not to look over her shoulder.  She could feel the tension slowly bleed from Jayne’s arm beneath her hand, and the relief that flooded through her almost made her lightheaded.

“How’d you do that?” Jayne wanted to know when both of them had gotten over their shock and put some distance between themselves and the patrol.

“Do what?” Connor glanced around, her gaze studying the handful of boys that ran around the marketplace with hover sleds.  Every couple in town was using one, and she decided it would look too conspicuous not to do the same.  They’d require one of the devices to haul back everything they needed.  People of their apparent social standing couldn’t be bothered to get their hands dirty or to pull their own weight.  Connor spied one boy taking the brunt of some bullying by the others and made her choice.

“Lose the accent like that?” Jayne wondered as they threaded through the crowd.

“Just a trick I learned in the war.  Not always a good idea to let people know where you hail from.”

Jayne grunted at that but said nothing more on the subject.  “So…” he began, deciding to satisfy a little of his curiosity now that he had Connor all to himself.  “You knew Mal and Zoe in the war, huh?”

Connor felt her teeth set on edge.  She kept walking, holding back the string of expletives she wanted to mutter.  “I did,” she answered shortly.  Any smart man would have picked up on her tone and dropped the subject.  
“So what was all that fuss about last night?  Something about you leavin’ ‘em high and dry to fend for themselves?”

The pilot stopped walking and turned to face Jayne, anger glittering in her green eyes.  “That would be between me and them.”

“Seein’ as how you wiped out the galley, I’d say you done dragged the rest of us into it.”  Jayne put his hands on his hips and tried to pretend the pilot didn’t intimidate him.

Connor smiled, the expression anything but friendly.  “Me and Mal resolved those differences last night.  He got in his licks, and I got in mine.  End of story.”

“Well I think I deserve to know if we got us a coward at the helm of our ship,” Jayne sneered as they started walking again.  He wasn’t sure why he liked poking at Connor like this.  Maybe because she was so damn pretty when she got good and pissed.

Everything in Connor wanted to turn and deck Jayne.  Drawing in a slow, seething breath, the pilot turned her thoughts to River.  She was doing all of this for the young woman.  Hitting Jayne, while satisfying, would only get them discovered and tossed in jail.  Making a mental note to put her fist in his face at the first available opportunity, Connor remained silent as she maneuvered her way through the crowd, Jayne following close at her heels.  Obviously he’d already forgotten about her standing up to the contractor.  Connor added a lousy memory to the list of things she was learning about the mercenary.

Jayne started mumbling under his breath at her lack of response.  Connor ignored him as she came upon the gaggle of boys tormenting the smallest in the group.  They all took one look at her and went still.

Connor pointed at the victim of the others.  “What’s your name?”

The boy, he couldn’t be more than ten or eleven, stooped to pick up his cap, dusting it off on his brown pants before putting it back on his blonde head with a sense of dignity.  “Robert, ma’am.”

“Get your sled and come with us, Robert,” Connor announced, her accent once again missing.

Jayne snorted at her choice but didn’t protest.  Not for the first time, the mercenary pondered how he’d fallen in with the most noble bunch of thieves in the known ‘Verse.  Seemed like everyone on Serenity had honor, courage, or a bleeding heart.  Sometimes he wondered if their ways were rubbing off on him.  The thought kept him up at night.

Robert fetched his sled and hurried after Connor, sensing, rightly, that she was the one in charge.  “Where to first, ma’am?”

Connor tried not to chafe at the title, knowing the boy was trying to be polite.  She snatched the list from Jayne’s fingers and handed it to Robert.  “Can you help us find all of this?”

“Surely, ma’am,” Robert agreed.  He glanced up at her then, understanding that a number of the items weren’t your run-of-the-mill requests.  The woman was watching him, assessing him, and he straightened under her scrutiny before giving her a knowing smile.  She wasn’t local, he knew that much… as surely as he knew he might have found a little adventure for the day with this pair.  “Follow me.”

The pilot smiled in return.  “Gladly.”

“Listen,” Jayne said as they made their way toward the closest mercantile.  “I promised the doc I’d pick up some medical supplies.  You got this for now?”

Connor frowned, but she saw no need to object.  “Just make it quick,” she instructed.

“Not a problem,” Jayne replied.  “The sooner I’m out of this getup the better.”  He hooked a finger in his collar and tugged, using his freshly washed nails to scratch at his neck as he broke off from their group.

The pilot watched him go with a mixture of worry and relief.

She was completely unaware that someone was watching them both.

****

“So.”

Zoe’s head lifted from the trail and fixed on Mal’s back.  She realized she’d drifted into her own thoughts and had lost track of her surroundings.  “So,” she echoed, mentally shaking off her daze and focusing in on where she was and what she was supposed to be doing.  Getting distracted could get them both killed.

“Good to have Inara back,” Mal commented casually.

“Always is, sir,” Zoe agreed.  She rolled her neck, pleased that Inara’s ministrations the night before had released much of the stiffness there that had been making her ache the last few days.

“You filled her in on happenings?”

“What little Kaylee didn’t.”

“Mmm.  Wondering about Connor no doubt.”

“No doubt,” Zoe said.  She removed a canteen from her belt and spun the cap before lifting it to her lips and taking a long draw of water.  It had a pleasant, almost metallic, tang.  Minerals, probably, from the lake they’d landed next to.

“What’d you tell her?”  Mal finally glanced at his second-in-command over his shoulder.

Zoe shrugged as she screwed the cap back on.  “What’s to tell, sir?  Connor’s our pilot.  We knew her in the war.”

“So you didn’t mention the time Connor and I woke up in bed together and she was naked as a jaybird?” Mal smirked, wishing, not for the first time or even the hundredth that he could remember that night.  He didn’t see the tiny grin that flashed across Zoe’s face.

“Can’t say that I did.”

“Probably for the best,” Mal mused.

“Why give Inara another reason to think less of you?” Zoe drawled.

“Hey now,” Mal chastised, but he kept smiling, pleased by Zoe’s humor.  “Shame this is an Alliance planet.  Wouldn’t mind spending some time here.”

Zoe glanced around at all the towering trees.  It smelled wonderful, she had to admit, and the way the sunlight filtered through the leaves was kind of pretty.  Her thoughts began to drift once more, encouraged by the warmth of the sun on her back as Mal continued to ramble on about fishing and camping.  Zoe wished the others, especially River, could have gotten out for a bit to explore, but it was simply too dangerous.  An image of Inara attempting to navigate the dusty and root-littered trail made Zoe grin.  Something told her that a trek through the woods was not the companion’s idea of a good time.  Suddenly, Zoe wondered what Inara did like and realized she really didn’t know.

Fingers snapping in front of her face drew Zoe’s head back up.  Mal had stopped walking and was looking at her with a mixture of bemusement and mild irritation.  “Sorry, sir.”

“Wandered off on me there,” the captain commented.  “This is the place.  We’re supposed to sit tight and wait on Brandon to deliver the goods.”

Brandon Raggley.  Zoe thought about the tall, scruffy outlaw and wondered what had brought him here to this small herding planet.  As far as scoundrels went, she supposed, Brandon was better than most.  The crew of Serenity actually considered him a friend of sorts.  Brandon disliked the Alliance almost as much as Mal, so he was probably getting a kick out of meeting right under their noses.  He’d also been a Browncoat, and in Zoe’s book, that made him a kindred brother.

No sooner had she thought of Raggley than he appeared, stepping from the forest with two of his men at his side.  Brandon smiled at Mal and Zoe, his grin hidden by a thick, brown mustache, but his green eyes twinkled.  

“You got some nerve, Reynolds,” Brandon declared, his voice husky and familiar.  “I thought you were out of your mind wanting to meet here, but I’m beginning to see some method to your madness.”

Mal returned his grin and shook Brandon’s hand.  “Figured the food would be better at least.”

“Zoe,” Brandon greeted with a tip of his black cowboy hat in her direction.

The second-in-command offered him a quiet nod.

“We’ll need to make this quick.  We’re on the Alliance’s radar these days,” Mal informed them.

“Don’t we know it.”  Brandon motioned to his two men who moved back off into the woods.  “We seen fresh warrants come out for you and yours.  I thought the Alliance had bigger fish to fry these days.” He noticed Mal bristle.  “No offense,” he chuckled.

“None taken,” Zoe drawled, knowing Mal didn’t feel the same way.  “You hear anything out there ‘bout why they’re on our tails again?”

Brandon shook his head as his men returned with a four-foot long wooden crate.  “Beats the hell out of me.”  He stepped aside to let his men drop the crate before Zoe and Mal.  He flipped a dagger out of its sheath and used it to pry off the lid, letting the pair examine the contents.  “What little talk I heard revolves around the younger Tam you’re hiding.”

“River?” Zoe’s voice sharpened.

“That’d be the one.  She always seemed plugged into the Alliance’s secrets.  Maybe they got themselves a new one they don’t want coming out.”  Brandon handed Mal a rifle to inspect.  “You’ll like that one.  Some sweet distance on that girl.”

Mal sighted down the barrel before nodding with approval.  He lowered the weapon.  “Heard anything else out there?  We’ve been disconnected for a spell.”

“You heard about Bardeen?” One of Brandon’s men asked.  “Shipful of Reavers hit ‘em.  Nothin’ left.”

Zoe and Mal exchanged glances.  “Shame,” Mal said simply.

“You don’t know the half of it,” Brandon muttered.  “Some of the ore we were getting to make these here weapons was coming from there.”

“I thought Bardeen was an Alliance operation?” Zoe wondered.

“It is.”  Brandon smiled, revealing a glimmer of straight, white teeth.  “But we had someone on the inside, skimming off the top and making sure people who needed the money we were paying for it got it.”

Mal shook his head and gave Zoe a knowing look.  “Connor?” he drawled.

“Hey.  You know her?  We was bummed to hear she died in the Reaver attack.  Damn wrong way for a woman like that to go.”

“Mmm,” Mal muttered, deciding to keep the fact that the pilot was alive and flying his ship a secret for now.  He was also intrigued to hear Connor had been robbing the rich to give to the poor.  That made more sense than her giving in and working for the Alliance.  Made him feel damn better about her too.  He put the rifle back into the crate that held a few other pistols and plenty of ammo.  “Looks good, Brandon.  Zoe, pay the man.”

“With pleasure, sir.”  Zoe took out a bag of coins and tossed it to Brandon.

“Shiny,” Brandon said when he felt the weight of the bag.  He didn’t check his payment.  He knew Mal’s word was golden.  His men sealed the crate up again.  “You headed back for the outer rim?”

“There abouts,” Mal admitted.

“A piece of friendly advice… Stay away from Nix.”

Zoe noted there was something in Brandon’s eyes, a secret he wanted them to know but didn’t dare speak.  “That’s on the ass-end of the outer rim,” Zoe muttered.  “An Alliance prison colony that’s as cold as a witch’s tit.  Why would anyone go near there if they weren’t being hauled there in restraints?”

“All true,” Brandon agreed.  “But something is going on out there.  Big enough to draw two Alliance ships out that ways for a few weeks.”

“They still there?” Mal asked, chomping at the tasty little morsel Brandon had tossed his way.  He didn’t see Zoe roll her eyes at her captain’s gullibility.

“Didn’t exactly go and peek.”  Brandon tipped his hat at his customers.  “Wasn’t of a mind to become a resident of the place, if you know what I’m saying.  Now if you’ll be excusing us, we lingered too long as is.  Always a pleasure.”

Mal and Zoe watched them blend back into the forest before they each took a handle on the crate and started back toward Serenity, the munitions between them.  Mal was blessedly silent for about a quarter of a mile before he spoke the words Zoe had been dreading to hear.

“Maybe we should…”

“No, sir,” Zoe cut him off.

“You don’t know what I was gonna say,” Mal protested.

“You were gonna say we needed to check out Nix.  We’re better off going to ground, waiting until things blow over.”

“What better place to do that than the ass-end of the outer rim,” Mal challenged, throwing Zoe’s words back at her.  “They’re up to something, Zoe,” Mal said with a little more seriousness.  “The Alliance is up to something, and they want us and River out of the way.”

“We don’t know that what they’re up to has anything to do with Nix, sir,” Zoe said wearily, already resigning herself to their next stop and wondering if she still had a heavy jacket.  “They could be dealing with a prison break for all we know.  And the last thing I want is for a sensitive soul like River to be exposed to the thoughts and urges of a penal colony.  They throw some of the worst away there, sir,” she reminded him.  

Mal considered her words as they walked in silence for several minutes.  “Zoe.”

She glanced up at her captain and waited.

“The Alliance would just blow Nix off its axis.  Why would they need two ships to deal with a prison break when two shots from one ship would rid their hands of it?”

Zoe went as cold as the planet they were talking about at the thought.  “They wouldn’t sir,” she answered in a faint voice, slowly coming around to the idea that a visit to the ass-end of the outer rim might be necessary.

“They wouldn’t,” Mal agreed seriously.  
   
Behind them, still lingering in the forest unseen, Brandon watched them go until the pair disappeared over a small hill in the woods.

“You think they’re crazy enough to go to Nix?” One of his men asked.

Brandon frowned as he turned to his men.  “Afraid so,” he murmured, hoping like hell he might be wrong.  “But someone has to go.  And it ain’t gonna be us.”  



	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See chapter one for notes.

Inara smiled as she followed the sounds of tinkering and colorfully muttered Chinese curses.  She found the subject of her search, or at least her legs, sticking out from under Serenity’s helm on the bridge.  The companion leaned in the doorway, jumping a little when she heard a loud clang as a resistant panel finally gave way.  Kaylee’s hand emerged from under the helm as it sought a tool by feel alone.  Guessing the mechanic was after her favorite wrench, Inara moved closer and retrieved it, holding it where Kaylee would find it.

The mechanic did, banging her head in surprise when she realized she wasn’t alone.  “Ow.”

Inara winced.  “Sorry.  I was trying to be helpful.”  Amused, Inara watched as Kaylee shimmied out from under the helm and sat up.  The mechanic was rubbing a small red mark on her forehead.  Kaylee still sported a few splotches of the anti-itch ointment, but much fewer than Inara had seen when she’d returned to Serenity.

“S’okay.”  Kaylee flashed a grin at her friend and got to her knees before easing herself upright.  

“Everything all right under there?” Inara asked.

“That’s what I was tryin’ to figure.  Just makin’ sure the ole girl didn’t have any surprises lurkin’.  Who knows what the contractors had time to do to her.”  Kaylee patted the console on the helm before sinking into the pilot’s chair.  She noted Inara’s raised eyebrows.  “What?  I can sit here.  I ain’t a pilot.”

“But you think the chair is cursed,” the companion reminded her friend with bemusement.

“Sure seems like it.  Glad to see Connor buckin’ the trend so far.  But I don’t think Wash would mind me sittin’ here.”

Inara shook her head at Kaylee adorable and superstitious nature, but didn’t comment as she moved past her friend and strolled toward the viewport to look at the charming central planet they’d landed upon.  “It’s pretty.”

“It is that,” Kaylee agreed as she scratched at an itch on her chin with the back of her hand, leaving a trail of grease in its wake.  “Can’t say that I really want to go explorin’, though.”  

“No?” Inara crossed her arms and turned back to her best friend.  “You and Simon don’t want to take a romantic stroll through the woods?”

Kaylee made a face like she’d smelled something unpleasant.  “Me and Simon aren’t on such good terms lately.”  The mechanic caught a flash of color behind Inara and her eyes widened as she watched River making her way over the rocks toward the lake.  The fleeting thought to call Simon and let him know that his sister was going AWOL came to mind, but Kaylee stifled the notion.  Simon smothered the younger woman, and Kaylee wasn’t in a mood to speak to him anyway.

“Trouble in paradise again?” Inara’s voice was full of mirth.

Kaylee used her foot to twist the chair around so she could check the radar to make sure there was no one outside that might harm River.  “When ain’t there?” she muttered.  She looked up in time to see Inara starting to turn toward the viewport and decided a distraction was in order if River was going to get any time to herself.  “So!”  She almost shouted.

Inara tilted her head and looked at her friend as if she’d just lost her mind.  “So…” she repeated much more calmly.

“What’s new with you?” Kaylee asked as she fished desperately through her mind for a topic.

“Since we spoke last night?” Inara asked with an amused twist to her lips.  “Not much.”  She thought of her time with Zoe in the galley.  Inara could still remember the way Zoe’s shoulders had felt beneath her hands, all warm and strong, contrasting with the soft skin of the second-in-command’s neck.  “I spoke with Zoe.”

“Yeah?” Kaylee asked, her eyes darting once more to River who was now standing knee-deep in the water.  She shook her head at the girl’s antics.

“She seemed… lost.  In pain.”  Inara’s amusement faded to be replaced with worry.  “I hate seeing her like that.”

With effort, Kaylee tore her eyes off River and focused her gaze on Inara.  “She got hit with a couple of stunners,” she informed the companion.  

Inara sighed and studied the floor before taking a few steps closer to Kaylee.  “I miss her.”

“Zoe?  She’s only been gone an…”

“No,” Inara cut her friend off gently.  “The way Zoe used to be when Wash was here.  She has such a wry wit… such an infectious and beautiful laugh.  Neither put in much of an appearance these days.”

It was true, and Kaylee felt her heart sink a little at the reminder of Wash’s loss and all it had cost them.  “She’s still grievin’.”

“It’s been years, Kaylee,” Inara murmured.  “I worry for her.”

“We all do,” Kaylee admitted.  “But she won’t let us close.  It ain’t her way.”

Inara thought of last night again, of the rarity of the evening she’d shared with Zoe.  She made a vow, right then and there, that it was time for Zoe to move on… to live life rather than just exist in it.  She’d do what she could to make sure that happened.  It was time.

Suddenly, like she’d been fired out of a slingshot, Kaylee bolted to her feet, jarring Inara out of her thoughts.  “What?” the companion asked, startled.

The mechanic spun on her heel and ran for the door.  “She fell in!” Kaylee shouted.  “Get Simon!”

Inara watched her friend run away in shock before she turned to the viewport.  Horror washed over her as she saw the water churning and splashing.  Instinctively, Inara knew who was in that water.  She took two steps forward and grabbed the comm, yanking it down and pulling the microphone to her lips to call for help.

****

Mal and Zoe slowed when they saw Inara waiting for them at the base of Serenity’s ramp.  The companion slowly stood, and Zoe could see it in her friend’s beautiful features that something bad had happened.

“Tell me,” Mal ordered as they hurried up Serenity’s ramp and set down the crate of munitions just inside the door.

“We don’t know,” Inara said in a weak voice.  “River… she snuck outside.  Kaylee saw her go into the lake.”

Mal’s whole posture went rigid, like he was preparing for a blow.  “And?” his voice was soft.

Inara swallowed.  “Kaylee pulled her out, but she wasn’t breathing.”

“Inara…” Zoe blurted impatiently.  “Tell us that girl is alive down in the infirmary.”

“She is,” Inara said hastily, realizing that she was going about telling her shipmates the news in the wrong way.  A lack of sleep and stress at the situation was muddying her mind.  She’d been obsessing over what to tell Mal and Zoe for almost an hour and thought she had the words ready, but seeing them and knowing how they’d take the news had knocked the thoughts completely from her head.  “But she’s…” she searched for the right word.

Mal brushed past her, too impatient to wait for the news.  He needed to see with his own eyes.  He broke into a run as he reached the door.  

Zoe watched him go before looking back at the companion.  “She’s what?”

“She's just… not there.  River is awake and breathing, but she hasn’t said anything… hasn’t acknowledged anyone’s presence…” Inara shook her head.  “I’m scared for her, Zoe.  There is a look in her eyes I haven’t seen in…”

Before she had the conscious thought to do so, Zoe moved forward and gathered Inara in her arms.  Zoe shushed the companion gently as Inara’s hands fisted into the back of the brown leather vest she was wearing.  “She’ll be all right.  Simon’s a good doctor.  As long as River’s breathing, he’ll find away to bring her back to us.”

****

Mal drew up short when he reached the infirmary.  Kaylee was sitting next to the bed with a blanket over her shoulders.  The mechanic looked away from the motionless River to give Mal a sad smile.  “Welcome back, cap’n.”

“Kaylee,” Mal breathed as he moved closer.  He put his hand on her shoulder and felt her own hand cover his.  Kaylee’s touch was cool but thankfully not cold.  “How’s our girl?”

Mal almost couldn’t look at River beyond the initial glance.  It hurt his heart too much to see her like this after watching how vibrant and alive she’d seemed of late.  The young woman lay on the exam bed, her dark brown eyes fully dilated and fixed on something the rest of them couldn’t see.

“Still with us, sir,” Kaylee proclaimed as Simon moved about behind them.  “She’s just… off in her head for a bit.”  Kaylee reached out and moved a lock of hair from River’s features.  “Aren’tcha, sweetheart?”

Mal’s throat moved convulsively before his eyes darted to Simon who was now watching him expectantly.  “Doc.”  The word managed to sound like a question, an order, and an apology.

“Her vitals are good,” Simon informed him.  “Body temperature is where it needs to be.  There is no sign of permanent damage.”  He didn’t sound relieved, and Mal noticed.

Mal leaned over River, looking down into her features.  She really had matured from a gangly teenager into a beautiful woman.  He sighed.  “Little Albatross?  You in there?”  There was no answer, and Mal’s eyes darted back to Simon who shrugged helplessly.

“There is something you should see,” Simon said and motioned Mal closer.

The captain squeezed Kaylee’s shoulder before moving over to stand at the counter with the doctor.  He watched as Simon retrieved the results of three scans, handing him one of them.  “What am I looking at here, doc?”

Simon indicated a multi-hued area the size of his fist on an image of River’s brain.  “This is a scan I took of River’s brain shortly before Miranda.”

Mal’s gaze jerked up to the doctor as his stomach seemed to plunge somewhere around his ankles.  “I take it the pretty colors ain’t normal?”

Simon pursed his lips and shook his head.  He handed the captain the next scan.  “This was River’s brain _after_ Miranda.”  

The scan still had plenty of color, Mal noted, obviously indicative of River’s hidden talents, but there was no fist-sized blob.  “Okay.”

“This is a scan I took of River’s brain half an hour ago.” Simon handed Mal the last scan.

The captain raked a hand through his hair and cupped the base of his neck.  What he was looking at made him feel sick.  Most of River’s brain was a rainbow of color, almost the entire image awash in it.  “This ain’t good.”

“It isn’t,” Simon agreed.  “Kaylee saw her go in the water.  She said it was like an invisible force grabbed her and pulled her in.”

“An invisible force?”

“I looked up,” Kaylee’s voice hesitantly intruded.  “She was on the rocks screamin’ at someone.  Then I swear, cap’n, it was like someone jerked her in.  I went runnin’…” She swallowed and looked down in defeat.

“You did good,” Mal told his mechanic.  “She’s still here.  Whatever flipped these here parts of River’s brain on must have had something to do with it.”

“It’s like Miranda,” Simon murmured wearily.  “Whatever is in River’s head… it’s interfering with everything that makes her who she is.”

Mal glanced at the scan once more before looking back at River.  He stepped closer to the bed, peering down at the woman who’d become like a little sister to him as well.  “Who is in there with you, little one?” he asked.  “Cause they ain’t welcome.”  The captain handed the scans back to Simon.  “Scan her again in an hour,” he ordered before heading for the door.

“Why?” Simon asked in confusion even though he’d been planning to do just that.

“River was carrying millions of souls the last time doctor, and this looks worse.  I want to make sure we ain’t still adding unwanted passengers.”

****

It was getting too warm and decidedly too humid in town to be wearing this damn dress, Connor decided.  Small beads of sweat were forming on her chest and neck only to trickle down her back and into her cleavage.  Other women were dabbing at themselves with handkerchiefs, but that was one item of her ensemble that Inara and Mal had forgotten to provide.  She made a mental note to add an extra punch to the beat down Mal had coming for the oversight.

Following the young boy through the market, Connor kept her eyes off him and searched instead for the absent Jayne.  He’d been gone nearly an hour and a half, more than enough time to fetch any medical supplies and get his ass back here.  If she found him tossing back a pint or two, heads were going to roll.  Connor was aware her mood had been sliding decidedly downhill from the moment she and Jayne had left, and it was only getting worse.  She felt uneasy, like something was horribly wrong.  The need to get back to Serenity pulled at her like a physical force, and Connor frowned at the almost desperate yearning to be back at the ship.

She snorted at herself.  To think she’d initially wanted nothing to do with the little firefly.  Now she didn’t want to be apart from her.  Connor smirked as she gave the notion more thought.  It wasn’t Serenity she was missing so much as it was the ship’s co-pilot.  Falling asleep with River firmly nestled against her had felt so sweet it almost hurt.  River had been so gentle with her as she treated the pilot’s injuries, even though Connor knew she didn’t deserve such a kindness after the way she’d been behaving.

Connor’s gaze went inward as she gave her evolving relationship with River some thought.  Becoming anything more than friends seemed like a foolish option and just as dangerous.  Neither one of them could be considered well adjusted on a good day.  River deserved someone with a normal past and a clean conscience.  Connor knew she possessed neither.  She was fractured, broken.

But in River’s arms that morning, Connor had felt whole again for a few wonderful minutes.  She ached to feel that way again.

A familiar tingle at the base of her neck pulled Connor from her musings and forced her to stop and turn.  Her gaze swept the marketplace.  Eyes were on her.  Connor knew it with the sixth sense a soldier developed in combat.  She was in someone’s crosshairs, and the sensation had her blood pumping and nerves jangling.     

“Ma’am?”

Connor’s attention snapped back on the boy.  Like the runt of the litter, Robert was too small for his age and one of the weakest, but damn it if he wasn’t the most adorable.  She felt a familiar pang when she looked at him, a deep ache time hadn’t managed to heal.  If she was being followed, she didn’t want him becoming collateral damage.  The pilot weighed the pros and cons of dismissing the boy and looking conspicuous with sending him out of harm’s way on a hunch.  She gritted her teeth, not liking her choices.  “What?”

“We’ve nearly retrieved everything on the list.  We just need the parts for your ship.  I know a guy who knows a guy.  I can get the parts for you at market price.”

The pilot’s eyebrows lifted.  “Robert, you wouldn’t be trying to scam a nice lady, would you?” she almost growled.  She decided they would hurry.  As soon as they were outside the city gates, Connor would take the sled and pay the kid extra for it, letting him know where he could retrieve it.

His eyes sparkled wickedly, and Connor would have laughed if her thoughts hadn’t been so tumultuous.  “What makes you think I need such parts at market price?”

“Who likes to pay more than they have to, ma’am?”

She shook her head.  “And I’m sure you get bit of a commission,” she replied knowingly.

He gave her a theatrical bow and a grin.

“Fine.  Let’s make it quick.  My time here is running short.”

They moved through the marketplace once more.  Connor kept her eyes peeled for Jayne, but the mercenary had obviously found a deep hole to hide in.  There seemed to be no one out of the ordinary watching her.  No sign of any more Alliance patrols.  She tipped her head back and looked for cameras.  There were some, inconspicuously hidden among the trees.  They weren’t the source of her unease, however.  Connor knew what it was like to be the prey under the intense focus of a hunter.  She needed to get the last of the parts and Jayne and get the hell back to the ship.  “Let’s pick up the pace,” she told Robert, shifting her attention onto the boy.  All she could do right now was protect him.  She’d chosen him, plucked him from the group in an attempt to save him a few bruises.  She hoped she hadn’t just condemned him.

Connor wasn’t sure she could live with herself if another little boy died because of her.

****      

She was onto him.  It was in her movements, in the tightness across her shoulders.  He caught her looking for him, for the cameras, and he smiled, wishing he could tip the hat he kept low on his forehead in acknowledgement, but it was too soon to be revealed.  He needed more information.

Privately, the hunter was impressed.  Very few were ever aware of his presence until it was too late.  He paced her as she made her way through the marketplace with the boy.  He could have followed Jayne, but this woman was new to him, a wrinkle in his well thought out plans.  Wrinkles intrigued him.

He’d captured an image of her lovely features and was running it against all known criminals and vagabonds.  His device beeped softly, and he glanced down at it, frowning when it returned no hits.  The hunter shifted his gaze back to his prey as she followed the boy.  She moved closer to him, obviously trying to protect him.  A mother’s instinct, he realized.  Was it innate in this one?  Or learned?

She traveled with Malcolm Reynolds, the hunter mused.  She was younger than him, but perhaps… He brought up the resistance database and entered her picture, waiting curiously.  It didn’t take long for the device to ping back a hit.

“Hello, Connor,” the hunter purred with a smile.  There was no first name, and he made a mental note to dig deeper.  He glanced over her credentials.  “Well, well.  Mal found himself another pilot.”  Looking back up at Connor and the boy, he watched them duck into an alley.  “Let’s hope you last longer than the previous men who warmed your chair,” he murmured.

****

Jayne glanced around as he emerged from the clinic.  He had a bag stuffed with the supplies the doc had requested, and a little something extra in his pocket that just might get Simon out of the doghouse with the mechanic.  Kaylee liked her shiny, and Jayne had to admit the doc had nice taste.    

He stepped into the street, barely dodging one of the sled kids that were running about.  Resisting the urge to cuff the boy upside the head, Jayne merely growled at him and watched the boy back away.  His ego happily stoked at the kid’s fear, Jayne scanned the crowd, spotting a flash of dark green against the white and grey wood of the buildings around him.  Unnoticed, he snatched a clump of red grapes off a fruit stand and headed after the pilot, snacking on his find as he went.

An idea formed, and Jayne grinned, hurrying his steps to catch up with them.  As soon as Connor stopped moving, he swooped in and put his arms around her waist, letting his fingers rest a little too high on the underside of her breasts.

“How’s my sweet cheeks?” he rumbled before planting a sloppy, wet kiss on the back of her neck.  “Urk.”  It was the only sound that came out as a hand grabbed a portion of his anatomy and twisted.  

Connor slowly turned, never letting him go, and smiled sweetly.  The ample folds of her dress covered what she was doing, and unless anyone happened to notice the pained expression and beads of sweat rolling down Jayne’s face, they would never know something was wrong.  “I’m just delightful,” she replied through clenched teeth.  “Did you get the medical supplies, dear?”

Jayne nodded rapidly, wishing he could go back twenty seconds and knock the idea of copping a feel on Connor right out of his head.

“Good.”  Connor released him and wiped her hand on her dress as Robert returned.  “That the last of it?”

“Yes, ma’am.”  Robert eased closer and lowered his voice.  “Two new patrols have entered the city, ma’am.  Should we take our leave to get to your ship?”  His gaze cut to Jayne, noting the pained look on the man’s features.  “Sir, are you in need of a doctor?”

Jayne cleared his throat and shook his head, deciding his voice might come out too high at the moment if he were to speak.  He bit his lip and started walking, doing his best to look like someone hadn’t tried to twist his man parts off.  “I deserved it,” he muttered to Connor as he passed.  “But don’t mean I won’t get you back.”

The pilot wiped at her neck.  “What makes you think we want to avoid the patrols, Robert?  This is a Central planet.”

“And you have outer rim written all over you, ma’am,” Robert said with a grin.  “The Alliance ain’t all that liked here.” He pointed at Jayne’s back.  “And isn’t that Jayne Cobb?”

“You recognized him?” Connor blurted in surprise.

“There’s money to be made in knowing who your clients are.  Got to look beyond the surface.  See what people don’t want you to see.”  He tapped the bill of his cap.  “I got all the bulletins on the Serenity crew.  They’re on my walls at home.  Don’t got yours, yet,” he declared with a twinkle in his eyes that belied his age.

“With any luck on my part, you won’t.”  Connor grabbed the brim of his cap and pulled it down over his eyes.  “I knew you were too smart for your own good the minute I laid eyes on you.”  She allowed her natural accent out, deciding if the boy was going to turn them in he would have done so already.  He giggled in amusement, and Connor felt her heart both warm and break at the sound of the young boy’s laughter.  For a moment, she wished for something that would never be, but then she spotted the patrol coming and shoved the thought to the back of her mind, her hand reaching for the silver locket at her throat and missing it when it closed over Inara’s necklace instead.  “Time’s up.  We need to move.”

“Just tell me where your ship is,” Robert instructed.  “I know all the best shortcuts.”

“I’ll just bet you do,” Connor agreed as they gathered the sled and moved off after the slowly shuffling Jayne.  She cast one last look at her town over her shoulder.  Someone was back there – watching.  The only question was whether or not her hunter would leave the safety of the town for the woods.  They would soon find out.  
   
****

River’s hand was as cold and lifeless as the young woman’s fixed stare at the ceiling.  Inara eased onto the stool next to her, assuming watch for Kaylee and Simon who’d gone to fetch something to eat at her urging.  Seeing River like this hurt Inara’s heart, and she privately blamed herself for her friend’s condition.  Kaylee hadn’t been the only one to know that River had stolen away for some quiet time in the sun.

Leaning forward, Inara studied River’s placid features.  There was no emotion present whatsoever.  Only the occasional involuntary blink of the young woman’s eyes indicated she was alive.  At first glance, Inara thought with a shiver, River looked like a corpse.

Inara sighed, wishing there was something more useful she could do than sit helplessly by and hold River’s hand.  The companion had tried to convince Mal that they needed to fetch Connor and Jayne, that the pilot would want to know that River was hurting.  Even Jayne would care in his own way, she knew.  But Mal had refused, and she had to admit he was right to do so.  They needed the supplies, now more than ever.

Irrationally, Inara felt anger at the missing pilot.  Connor’s place should be at River’s side right now, not off stocking up on food and engine parts.  Why she thought Connor could make all of this better, Inara had no idea.  Perhaps it was the hopeless romantic in her talking.

An idea formed, and Inara decided to give it a try, figuring it certainly couldn’t hurt.  “River?” Inara beckoned the girl in a soft, quiet tone.  “You need to talk to us, sweetheart.  I was so looking forward to some time alone with you.  You haven’t filled me in on our new pilot.”  Inara’s voice warmed.  “You seem quite taken with her.”  

River continued to stare ahead and said nothing.

Inara swallowed and began to thread one hand through River’s hair.  “Not that I blame you,” she went on, undeterred by the lack of response.  “You should have seen her in my dress.  Not sure I can wear it now.  I wouldn’t do it the justice she does.”  Inara bit her lip as she considered what else to say that might draw River out of her self-imposed prison.  “I’ve seen the way she looks at you, though.  Her eyes are always on you, following you.  You aren’t the only one who is smitten, I believe, and I know about these things.”

River blinked, but her blank stare continued.

Inara rubbed at an aching temple.  “River,” she sighed.  “Connor will be back soon.  You don’t want her coming back to you like this, do you?  Sweetheart, you need to wake up.”

A noise from the guest quarters drew the companion’s attention to the doorway.  She expected Simon or maybe even Mal arriving to check up on the girl, but there was no one there.  Inara frowned and turned back to River only to gasp.

River was sitting upright, her legs already swung over the side of the bed.  Her face was still devoid of emotion, her brown eyes nearly black as she stared through Inara as if the companion weren’t there.  It was as if a switch had been flipped, and River had risen on autopilot.  Inara hadn’t even heard her move.  
   
“River,” Inara breathed, feeling the thud of her frightened heart against her ribs.  “Goodness.  You scared me.”  She smiled hesitantly. “Should have known talking about Connor would get your…” Inara trailed off as River slipped off the bed and stood before walking away without a word.

****

Once they were far enough past the city gates and into the secluded coolness of the woods, Connor stopped the sled by putting her foot on it.  The persistent sensation of eyes boring into her back wasn’t lessening in the least.  Going another step without a weapon was out of the question.  
   
“Ma’am?” Robert said with a worried edge to his voice.

“Stop calling me that,” Connor snapped as she began hiking up her skirt.  

“What should I call you, ma’am?” Robert asked as he stared with rapt attention.

“Sa…” Connor swallowed when she realized what she’d almost called herself.  “Just call me pilot, okay?”  She watched his young eyes widen almost comically at her actions.  Belatedly, Connor realized she was giving him quite a view.  

Jayne turned to see what the fuss was about and grimaced.  A particular part of his anatomy still hurt too much to enjoy the slow reveal of leg, although it was pretty damn impressive.  He would have offered to help if he hadn’t been so terrified that Connor would finish what she started and leave him a eunuch.

“Uh-huh,” Robert said as he watched Connor reach under her skirt and retrieve a pistol that had been strapped to a strong thigh.  He swallowed as Connor stood and let the folds of her skirt drop back to her ankles.  His attention snapped to the woods when he heard a bird cry warble from somewhere deep in the forest.

Connor went still, feeling her stomach sink at the look of concern on the young boy’s face.  “What?” she demanded, already suspecting the answer.

Robert gave a swift tug on the sled and it glided forward.  “Patrol is coming.”  

They heard a second warble, and Connor looked at the boy with alarm.  “I’m going to guess that means they’re armed.”

“Good guess, ma’am… pilot,” the boy corrected.  “Some of the other boys recognized Mr. Cobb.  Maybe one of them did something stupid.  I’ll make ‘em pay if I find out who it…” His words jammed in his throat as Connor spun him to look at her.  She knelt in front of him, her green eyes sharp and serious.

“No you won’t.  You keep you head down.  Do you hear me?  Don’t draw attention to yourself.  That’s a world of trouble you and yours don’t need.”  She put a bag full of coins in his hand and closed her fingers around it.  “We’ll leave your sled at the lake that ends this trail about a mile from here.”

“But…”

“Connor, we need to go,” Jayne called impatiently.  He slipped a pistol from his pocket and scanned the trees.  “We got company coming.”

“Please…” Was all Connor got out before a shot struck next to the sled, spraying them all with dirt.  Grabbing the boy, she put herself between him and any bullets.  

“It’s a gorram patrol,” Jayne yelled, firing back into the woods when he saw a flash of a uniform.  He grabbed the sled and started running, gritting his teeth against the pain in his groin.  A second shot splintered wood off a tree, the slivers stinging Jayne’s face.  He swore but kept running.

Connor grabbed Robert and tossed him behind a clump of bushes.  Jayne was moving away fast, and she could hear the patrol closing in.  Voices reached her, shouting frantic commands.  She was out of time.  “You stay here and stay down,” she ordered.  Robert looked up at her, his features brave but his eyes full of fear.  She reached out and, in a moment of weakness, ran her fingers through his hair before she turned and ran, firing off a string of shots toward the patrol.  The shouting increased, and Connor could hear men breaking through the underbrush, barreling down on her position.

Her lungs and thighs burned as Connor put on some speed, grateful she’d kept short boots on under her dress.  If she’s worn the shoes Inara had tried to talk her into she’d be dead already.  Several members of the patrol returned fire, and Connor jerked as she felt and heard a bullet whiz by her ear.

Pivoting, Connor fired, drilling down on the sound of someone close.  An Alliance officer went down with her bullet between his eyes.  Connor hefted her skirts and started running again, Malcolm Reynolds’ name a repeating curse in her head.  

They reached the clearing with the patrol hot on their heels.  Jayne was running for Serenity’s ramp, and Mal appeared with Zoe when they saw them coming.

A bullet spit through Connor’s skirt, and she tripped, the ground rushing up to meet her hard.  The impact jarred her teeth and tore at her flesh, but she ignored the pain and rolled, bringing the pistol around to bear on anyone behind her.

Five rifle shots cracked in quick succession from deep in the woods.  Then there was nothing but sudden stillness.

Connor clamored back to her feet, feeling Zoe’s grip latching onto one arm to help her.  They both hurried to Serenity, running up the ramp and just missing the now empty hover sled as it came zipping down past them.

The pilot looked at Jayne in surprise as Mal closed the cargo bay door.

“What?” Jayne sneered.  “Kid needs it to make a livin’.”  

Connor just blinked at him as Mal moved off to fly them out of there.

Jayne motioned toward the infirmary as his other hand none too subtly cupped an area below his belt.  “I’m gonna stop off in the infirmary.  Say hi to the doc.”  He turned and shuffle stepped away.

Serenity’s engines fired and the ship began to shake.  Zoe and Connor looked at each other, seeing a story to tell in the other’s eyes. “What happened?” they both demanded of the other.

****

The hunter slipped the rifle onto his back, feeling the heat of the recently fired barrel through the leather holster.  He smiled as he passed the wide-eyed boy in the woods.  “Your friends got away just fine,” he informed him.

“You kill those patrols, Mister?” Robert asked fearfully.

The hunter smiled and kept walking.  He’d hoped he would see River Tam, but today was not to be the day.

Soon, though.  Very soon, he promised himself.   


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please see chapter one for notes.

Serenity was still and silent as Inara trailed worriedly behind River.  The younger woman was moving quickly, her bare feet padding softly on Serenity’s metal plating, but Inara could tell something was missing.  Gone was the almost cat-like grace in River’s steps, the fluidity in her movements.  River seemed almost robotic, moving toward her destination with singular purpose.  Inara swallowed nervously, almost afraid to speak in the event she became a catalyst that unleashed the assassin that lurked in the recesses of River’s brain.  The swishing of the companion’s skirts as she followed seemed disproportionately loud, covering even the sounds of her breathing.  Inara swallowed again and braved a single word.  “River?”

River didn’t answer.  Instead, the younger woman rounded the corner and headed for Serenity’s cargo hold.

The companion continued to follow, softly muttering a few select curses when River didn’t reply.  “Maybe I should call Simon,” Inara suggested, starting to wonder if she might have to tackle the younger woman.  Her self-defense skills were adequate at best but no match for someone with River’s imbedded knowledge.  “Honey…”

River stopped walking, and Inara went abruptly quiet.  The younger woman slowly turned and looked at the companion before bringing a single finger to her lips.  There was no hint of personality in River’s dead, brown eyes as she stared dispassionately at the other woman.  “Sshhh,” River scolded, and Inara felt a chill chase down her spine.  

Taking a deep, slow breath, Inara resumed her pace behind River as the girl pivoted and walked away.  She didn’t dare leave River alone to go for help, and Inara was equally as terrified to call for it lest she startle River into attacking her or harming herself in some manner.  All she could do was follow the girl and wait for her chance to do something.

What Inara didn’t know, what River had no inclination to share, was that River was being pulled toward the upper catwalks of Serenity.  The voices in her head had been whispering for attention, promising her all matter of unseemly things if she would only listen and do their bidding.  Until a few moments ago, she had hidden deep inside her own mind, doing everything she could to protect herself from the bombardment of angry, vengeful souls that wanted to claim her whole.  But then a pinprick of light had appeared, banishing some of the darkness and silencing some of the cacophony of voices.  River had been drawn toward that light.  She couldn’t resist the tug on her spirit that had her feet moving forward automatically.  River didn’t want to.  In that light was salvation.

The souls buzzing in her head seemed to realize this, their voices and demands abruptly growing louder and more insistent.  River whimpered, her face twisting into a grimace as her stride faltered.  She felt Inara’s hands on her, and the tactile sensation was enough for River to ground herself once more in the sea of souls she was awash in.  She would not be lost.  Not again.

“River?” Inara’s voice was full of fear.

The light was getting brighter.  River focused on it and started moving purposely forward once more, her head dipping down as if she were walking through a hard rain and she was trying to shield herself from the fast, stinging drops striking her.  The souls were so angry… so cruel.  They made her cold to the core as they assaulted her mind, seeming to chew on it… on her.

River whispered a name, focusing every part of her that was left on it.

She didn’t realize when she reached the upper most catwalks.  River was unaware of her hands wrapping around the rail as she stared at the open cargo bay door.

“Oh, honey,” Inara murmured next to her as if she suddenly understood what was driving the younger woman.

River didn’t answer.  She merely waited, her grip on reality tenuous at best.

Moments later, there was gunfire echoing outside the cargo bay door.  Inara jerked next to River, her own hands curling around the rail.  As she watched, Mal and Zoe came running, pistols drawn.  Fear for them had Inara’s heart leaping into her throat.  “Be careful,” she whispered as Zoe charged outside.

Jayne raced in, a hover sled behind him.  The mercenary started tossing items off left and right, finally sitting on one edge and using his weight and strength to push everything off the other side.

More gunshots sounded, closer this time.  Five cracks split the air in rapid succession.  Inara laid her hand over River’s and squeezed, deathly afraid of what would happen next.

Finally dragging the sled to the opening, Jayne gave it a swift kick to send it gliding down the ramp.  It missed the returning Connor and Zoe by inches as the pair stumbled inside.  Mal hit the button on the cargo bay door and everything went silent once it clanged shut.

River inched closer, her brown eyes now fixed completely on Connor.  Captivated by the sight that greeted her, River could suddenly hear nothing but the beating of her own heart as the voices in her head went deathly quiet.  
   
****

“You alright?” Zoe demanded.  Connor was bleeding from a few shallow cuts and scrapes and breathing hard.  The pilot bent over, her hands on her knees, desperately trying to suck down air.

Connor shook her head and waved Zoe’s concern away with a sweep of her hand.  “I asked you what happened,” Connor reminded the second-in-command.  “Where is River?”

“Connor…”

“Where is River?” Connor nearly shouted.

“There was an accident,” Zoe stated calmly.

“What do you mean an ‘accident?’”

“I’ll fill you in when we’re on our way,” Zoe said as she started to brush by the pilot only to have her elbow grabbed.

“You’ll fill me in now,” the pilot promised, her heart thudding against her ribcage in sick, heavy beats.  Anger at herself, at Mal, at the whole damn Alliance bloomed hot and hard in her chest.  She should never have left.  Her place was here with River, protecting her, and she’d let River down.  “Where is she?” Sarah heard her voice shake, but she didn’t give a damn.

“She’s…” Zoe saw something move on the upper catwalks and she glanced heavenward, her words trailing off.  “She’s… fine?” The last word came out sounding like both a statement and a question.

Connor followed Zoe’s line of sight and felt her whole frame nearly sag with relief when she saw River looking down on her.  River appeared pale and tired, but the alternatives that had rushed through Connor’s mind when Zoe had first informed her that River had been in an accident had been so much worse.  Hey green eyes locked on River’s brown, and Connor felt her world steady.  

“Connor!” Mal’s voice snapped over the intercom.  “Get your butt up in this here chair.  We got buzzards.”

The pilot swore in sync with Zoe, wrenching her gaze away from River by sheer force of will.  Buzzards were small, fast Alliance ships; harder to outrun and even harder to outgun… if Serenity even had guns, which she didn’t.  Sarah sprang into motion once more, risking one last look at River over her shoulder as she headed for the bridge.

****

River stood frozen, feeling like she’d forgotten how to breathe.  

“Beautiful, isn’t she?” Inara murmured into the younger woman’s ear.  She smiled when River could only nod dumbly, her big brown eyes fixed on the pilot and unaware of anything else.  Inara chuckled faintly, amused and touched by River’s response. Watching the younger Tam in the throes of her first crush was a sight to behold.  
 

“It’s not what you think it is,” River said suddenly, jarring Inara out of her musings.

Inara took an unsteady breath at the return of River’s voice.  “What’s not, sweetie?” she asked as her fingers combed through River’s hair, trying to soothe the younger Tam, but needing the innocent touch to ground her as well.

“It’s not a crush.”  River finally turned and looked at the companion, a startling depth of wisdom in her gaze.  Gone was the deadness in River’s doe-eyes.  Now the deep brown possessed an intensity Inara had never seen before.  “I had my first crush when I was ten.  Before the Academy… before the Alliance cut on my brain.  I remember what a crush feels like.”

Inara’s hand stilled on River’s shoulder.  It was always unnerving how River could know what she was thinking and now was no different.  “River…”

“My first crush never made me feel like this,” River confessed.

Inara hesitated, suspecting she was suddenly in uncharted territory.  “And this…” She glanced down at Zoe and the pilot, her gaze lingering unconsciously on the second-in-command.  “What does it make you feel?”

“More than I can stand… but it still doesn’t feel like enough.”

“Sweetheart…” Inara trailed off, unsure what to say or think.

“She changed everything,” River murmured as her gaze was drawn back to Connor and stayed there, her gaze locking with the pilot’s.  “Mixed it all up.  Cut through the cold and made me warm again… made me whole again.”

“River…” Inara swallowed.  “You’re talking like you’re in love with her,” she pointed out.

River turned serious brown eyes back on the companion.  “I know,” she said matter-of-factly.

“You know?” Inara asked incredulously.  

River shrugged as if she’d said something innocuous before returning her gaze to the now departing Connor.  She tracked the beautiful pilot until Sarah disappeared from sight.  

“She saves me from myself,” River whispered.

****

“This is getting to be a habit,” Connor snarled as Mal eased out of the pilot’s chair and she claimed his place.  Grabbing hold of the helm with one hand, Connor fastened herself in with the other.  “Tell everyone to brace below.  Things are going to get ugly.”

“They usually do,” Zoe drawled from the doorway.  She glanced at Mal.  “River’s up and about.”

The captain’s head snapped up from where he was strapping himself into the co-pilot’s chair.  “There’s a tiny bit of brightness in a dark and scary moment.”

Both Sarah and Zoe snorted at Mal’s odd sense of humor.  

“Get her off that catwalk,” Connor commanded Zoe.

Zoe nodded once and hurried off to make sure River and Inara were safe.

Satisfied with the sound of Zoe’s retreating steps, Connor glanced at the radar and swore.  “Ten of them.”

“Ten?” Mal’s head came up again.  “There were only five when I called you.”  He switched on the radio and warned his crew to strap themselves in.

“You’re in my chair.”

Both Connor and Mal looked back over their shoulders as River appeared in the doorway.

Mal blinked.  “Well then come get it, little albatross.”  He unbuckled his harness much faster than he’d gotten it fastened.  River moved with purpose to the co-pilot’s chair and slid into it as Mal vacated it.  “You here with us?” Mal asked her as he reached over and secured her harness.

“Yes, sir,” River murmured.

“Is it just you in there?” The captain asked as he stared into River’s eyes.

“Can we talk about that later?  They’re gonna start shooting now.”  

No sooner had River finished speaking than a shot zipped past the viewport.  Connor swore and initiated evasive maneuvers, rolling Serenity and sending Mal skidding on his back across the bridge.

The buzzards were closing in on them.  Connor glanced at the radar and felt her heart rate climb.  There were too many of them moving too fast.  More shots filled the viewport with light, and Serenity abruptly bucked hard when one of them found their target.

“All vital systems still on-line,” River let Connor and the recovering captain know.

Connor wasn’t interested.  She gripped the helm hard.  “Hold on, Mal,” she warned, giving him two seconds to grab onto something before she pulled back, throwing Serenity into a loop.  The buzzards flew under them, allowing Connor to get behind them as she evened out the ship.  She could hear Mal cursing her name in more than one language.

“Prep for a full burn,” Connor told River.

“We’re too close,” Mal shouted.

“Prep us!” Connor yelled over him even though she already heard River’s long fingers tapping out the commands on the console.

“Ready to commence full burn,” River stated calmly.

Just as she knew they would, the buzzards broke ranks and went into a frenzy to get away from the firefly breathing down on them.  They had no way of knowing whether or not the ship was armed and weren’t waiting to be fired upon to find out.  “Come on, fellas,” Connor coaxed the other pilots.  “Let’s play.”

Yanking on the helm, Connor forced the ship downward.  She watched the buzzards realign in formation behind her.  “That’s it.  Come to mama.”  The pilot looked to River.  “Commence full burn on my mark.”

River’s finger hovered over the button.

Mal realized what Connor was about to do.  “We’ll be caught…”

“Better than being dead!” Connor snapped at him.  She saw the final ship inch into the zone she’d outlined for her plan.  “Mark!”

River pressed down hard and Serenity released a stream of fire in her wake, catching four of the closest ships and shredding them like paper.  The firefly leapt forward as the disintegrating ships careened into the others, eventually causing a shockwave that blossomed forward and spun Serenity helplessly about.

Sirens sounded as the ship shuddered.  Connor felt the control vanish from the helm as the ship rolled, still breathing fire across the black of space.  “Shut it off!” Connor yelled.

River shook her head.  “It won’t disengage!”

Behind them, Mal held on for all he was worth as his boat groaned and rocked all around him.  The metal plating he was lying on clanked under him, as Serenity seemed to shake apart.  “Do something!” he ground out past the nausea now choking his throat.    

River reached under the helm and searched for the wires connecting the controls to the engine.  Grabbing a tangled mass of them, she pulled with all her strength, sending out a shower of white-gold sparks.

Serenity rolled once last time as the engine died, and Sarah managed to have enough thrusters working to stabilize the ship before they, too, went dead.  Everyone stilled as the lights on the bridge flickered, the sirens having gone eerily quiet once River had pulled the wires.

“We all right?” Mal asked into the sudden silence.

River looked worriedly at Sarah and was relieved when the pilot nodded.  Sarah’s gaze shifted off the viewport to River.

“You?” Connor almost croaked.

River nodded as she began to unbuckle herself.

Connor shifted and glanced back at Mal where he lay on the floor, his whole body wrapped around a chair he’d never made it into.  “Mal?”

“Be fine,” he confirmed.  “Once I throw up.”

Connor let go of the helm and flopped back against her chair.  She covered her face with shaky hands.  “No more excitement for today.  I’m done,” she muttered.

A sudden bark of laughter from Mal had both River and Connor turning to look at him like he’d lost his mind.

“What?” Connor demanded.

“You did all that fancy flying in that fancy dress,” the captain declared.  “Just takes the impressiveness of it up a notch.”

Rather than feeling irritated, Connor laughed a little herself.  “You have no idea.”  She closed her eyes only to snap them open again as River started unbuckling her harness.  Connor felt her breath catch at the younger woman’s nearness.  “What are you doing?”

River hesitated, not having realized what she was doing until Connor called her attention to it.  “You’ve been injured.”  River traced a nasty scrape down Sarah’s right shoulder with a light touch.  “We need to get you to Simon.”

Connor reached out and grabbed River’s hand, stilling the caresses and the woman.  “It’s just a scratch,” she promised.  “I’m more worried about you.”

Mal watched them, his eyes dipping to their clasped hands before jumping back up to study the very interesting way the two women were looking at each other.  “I’ll be damned,” he muttered.

They looked at him again, and he smiled.  “Think I’ll go check on the others,” Mal volunteered.  “Let you two catch up a bit.”

Connor frowned, feeling like she was missing something.  When Mal winked at her as he departed, Connor got the gist and her whole face heated in mortification.

“What was that about?” River wondered with the most adorably confused expression Connor had ever seen.

The pilot chuckled quietly as she got unsteadily to her feet.  She tugged River closer and finally wrapped her arms around the younger woman, allowing herself the contact after the day they’d both had.  

River gasped softly, but returned the embrace, her hands claiming Connor’s bare shoulders and savoring the feel of skin on skin.  “You okay?” River murmured into the crook of Sarah’s neck.

“Pretty damn good at the moment,” Connor admitted with a fair amount of bemusement at herself.

River smiled with shy pleasure.  Her stomach feeling like a herd of butterflies was stampeding inside it.  “Thank you for coming back when you did.”

The hug lasted a few more moments before Connor reluctantly pulled back and looked at her.  “What happened?  Zoe said there was an accident.”

River told her, about all of it, shivering a little in remembered fear.  “They’re awful.  Not like the souls on Miranda.  Most of them were good.  Not these.  Not these,” she repeated softly.

Connor licked her lips.  “Did you tell Mal?  Simon?”

River shook her head.  “I was hiding while you were gone.  Stayed deep inside my mind so they wouldn’t get me.”

The mere thought of what River was describing was enough to make Connor physically ill.  She cupped River’s jaw, letting her thumb stroke the younger woman’s cheek.  “Are they still in there?” Connor asked fearfully.

Slowly, River nodded.  “They’re trying to take me over, but they can’t.”

“Why?” Connor asked, sensing it was important to know.

Brown eyes stared into green for a timeless moment.

“Because you’re here.  And no matter how many of them there are, my mind would rather think about you.”

****

“What in the gorram hell was that?” Jayne growled as Mal appeared in the infirmary.  The mercenary had strapped himself to the examination chair to wait out the wild ride and was still buckled in.

“Buzzards.  Connor took care of ‘em,” Mal said in a clipped voice.

“Took care of us, too,” Kaylee griped as she followed the captain into the infirmary.  “We’re dead in the water.”

“Connor fly the damn engine apart?” Jayne wanted to know.

Mal shot him a look.  “She saved our asses is what she did.  Flying the engine apart was just a bonus.”  He looked at Kaylee.  “Did she fly it apart?” he asked almost under his breath.

Kaylee snorted.  “No, sir.  Just gave her a helluva shake.  Gonna take me a bit to replace all the fried parts.  Good thing we just picked up a couple.”

Simon chose that moment to stagger into the room behind Kaylee, looking a little green around the gills.  He made a soft choking sound and everyone glanced worriedly at him.

Mal kept one eye on the doctor, ready to move as far away as possible on a moment’s notice.  “I’ll get you all the extra hands you need.  You tell me how many.”

“Just one set oughta do it, Cap’n.  Any more and it gets crowded in there.”

Simon coughed and proceeded to dry heave much to everyone’s disgust.

“Wanna do that in your quarters, doc?” Mal suggested around a rough swallow.

Simon gave Mal a look that was equal parts anguish and anger.  “I’m fine,” he vowed before moving toward a drawer and rifling through it for some medication.  “Just got a little motion sickness,” he needlessly explained as he found the pills he was searching for and popped one, swallowing it with a grimace.  He straightened when he spied Jayne in the examination chair rather than his sister.  “Where is River?”

“On the bridge with Connor,” Mal said absently.

“She’s awake?” Simon asked incredulously.  He started grabbing a few items and throwing them into his medical bag.  “Was someone going to tell me?” he sniped.

“Told you now,” Mal replied simply before turning back to Kaylee.  “Who you want to give you a hand?”

“Zoe would be great, if you can spare her.”

“Consider her spared.”  Mal’s attention switched to Simon.  “Doc, why don’t you give it a few more minutes before you go pestering your sister.”

“Excuse me?” Simon blurted in disbelief only to cough again and double over.

Mal smirked.  “Just give yourself a minute for the medication to hit is all I’m suggesting,” he lied, thinking of Connor and River having a quiet reunion on the bridge.  He saw Kaylee puzzle out his demeanor then smile.  Mal winked at her.  “Besides,” Mal added at the doctor.  “You got a patient needs tending to right here.”  He slapped Jayne on the foot and watched the mercenary break out in a cold sweat.  “Something tells me Jayne could use your help in a bad way.”

Jayne sneered at the captain but didn’t deny it.

Simon hesitated.  “Fine,” he murmured.  “But I insist River be brought down here for more tests.”

“Will do,” Mal promised as he pivoted on his foot and gave a giggling Kaylee a push toward the door.

“You didn’t say when, Cap’n,” Kaylee whispered.

Mal shushed her and smiled.  River and Connor’s evolving relationship was a surprise, but not an unwelcome one.  River certainly deserved some goodness, and if she found some with Connor then who was he to say differently?

“Make a cute match, don’t they?” Kaylee asked as they walked up the stairs.

“That they do, Kaylee,” Mal said warmly.  “That they do.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please see chapter one for notes.

Hours later, Serenity was fitter if not functional. The galley and cargo bay had been straightened and tidied, and the passenger quarters had been picked up since many of the crew spent a portion of their time visiting there. River had managed to mostly evade Simon and his insistent desire to run more tests, but she knew it was only a matter of time before she would have to give in. Either she would run out of excuses, or the captain would simply hogtie her and make her. Lucky for her, they’d long ago discovered the safe word Simon could use to make her fall asleep only worked when she was in assassin mode; otherwise her brother would have dropped her hours ago.

River lingered in the doorway to the bridge, her eyes traveling from Connor’s boots up brown leather-clad legs to a firm, flat abdomen. The skin was showing where her white tank top had ridden up her belly as Connor fiddled with the fried wiring under Serenity’s helm. Struck with a sudden impish thought, River silently moved closer, inching nearer to Connor as a shower of orange sparks rained down from under the console and the pilot swore.

Licking her lips in anticipation, River’s fingers were millimeters from their intended target when Sarah’s voice stopped her cold in her tracks.

“Tickle me, girlie, and you will regret it.”

Disappointed but amused, River giggled a little before pinching the hem of Sarah’s shirt and tugging it down over her exposed stomach. “Spoilsport,” she accused.

Connor’s voice carried a hint of a smile. “Damn right.” She slid out from under the console and sat up, watching as River took a seat in her chair. Her gaze roamed over River’s features, clearly assessing River’s state of mind, but she refrained from asking about it. Connor didn’t like it when people fussed over her, and she suspected River was a kindred spirit in that regard. “How are things below?”

“Mostly cleaned up. All our quarters will be a mess, though.”

“Simon?” Connor asked carefully.

“Hounding me at every turn,” River playfully pouted. The events at the lake now seemed like a dream with Connor sitting next to her warm and in the flesh. The voices in River’s head didn’t stand a chance with the pilot so close. “What did you do to Jayne, by the way? He’s walking funny.”

Connor grabbed an edge of the pilot’s seat and twisted, making River spin a little from side to side. “Maybe you should let your brother run the tests and get it over with,” she said a little more seriously, ignoring River’s query about the mercenary for now.

“He’ll drug me. I don’t like to be drugged. Messes things up in my head,” River murmured, some of her good humor fading. “With all of them in there, I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“You tell him that?”

River rolled her eyes. “He won’t listen. That’s the problem with doctors, they always think they know everything.”

“Even your brother?”

“Especially my brother.”

The pilot smiled a little but her teeth caught her bottom lip.

“You’re worried,” River guessed, but she didn’t seem upset.

Connor didn’t try to hide it. “I am. I don’t like the thought of anyone hurting you from the inside or outside. We need to know what’s causing this.”

“I know what’s causing it.”

Connor blinked in surprise an eased up a little straighter. “You do? Were you planning on sharing that information?” Her tone sounded peevish, but Connor didn’t bother to soften the question.

“It’s just like Miranda. People are dead. They want justice. They need people to know they’re gone,” River explained as she picked up one of the plastic dinosaurs on the console and began to fiddle with it.

Sighing, Connor put her hands on River’s now bare feet. The skin was startling warm and soft. Connor had expected it to be cold walking around on all this metal in space. “You said these souls were cruel.”

“They are.” River wouldn’t meet her gaze.

“Then this isn’t like Miranda,” Connor argued. “And I don’t like the idea of these people being in your head. I want them out.” She grabbed the toy and took it out of River’s hands, forcing the young woman to meet her eyes.

Their gazes held and fenced for a moment.

“Once the ‘Verse knows they’re dead, they’ll leave,” River said as if it were nothing, but Connor didn’t miss the undercurrent of fear in River’s voice.

“River…” Connor paused to collect her thoughts. “We don’t even know where these souls are.”

“Sure we do. The captain plans to take us there once the ship is operational again,” River declared matter-of-factly.

“What? Where?” Connor demanded.

“Nix.”

Connor nearly choked as she staggered to her feet and flung the toy aside where it hit the wall with a crack. “Did he tell you that?” she blurted. “No. No way in gorram hell am I letting Malcolm Reynolds take you anywhere near that place.”

“Sarah…” River scrambled to her feet as the pilot moved away. Connor stomped down the steps and was already yelling the captain’s name by the time River reached the doorway to the bridge.

Her brother blocked her path.

“Now isn’t a good time, Simon,” River said as she started to step around him. She didn’t want to incapacitate him in any way, but River knew she would immobilize her brother if she had to in order to prevent another fight between Mal and Sarah.

Simon grabbed her arm, and River felt a pinprick of cold followed by a rush of heat through her veins. “No,” she groaned as she jerked away from him, nearly falling into Sarah’s door as her balance went. A sense of betrayal was strong enough to ooze through the rapid fogging of her brain. The sleeping voices in her head began to wake and whisper growing louder as she grew weaker. “Why?” River managed before her knees buckled.

“I’m sorry,” Simon pleaded, “but you need the tests as much as you need to sleep.” He pocketed the small syringe and grabbed his sister before she could topple to the floor, scooping her now deadweight into his arms. He turned and found Kaylee watching him. The mechanic was covered in grease from her engine repairs, a rag in her hands making little headway on removing the black, sticky substance. Her beautiful blue eyes were looking at him with disdain. “I know this looks bad…” he began, hating himself for resorting to this measure.

“It don’t look too good,” Kaylee agreed while she continued to wipe her hands. “But you’re right. She needs her tests and her sleep. She wouldn’t get neither if someone didn’t make her.”

“Thank you,” Simon murmured sincerely.

“It’s just…” Kaylee said once Simon was past her. “I bet Connor woulda helped if you’d asked her.”

Simon pursed his lips before adjusting his sister in his arms and walking away.

Kaylee sighed as she watched them go. She wasn’t sure who to be worried about more. River, or Simon when Connor found out the stunt he’d just pulled.

****

Zoe fingered the small butterfly bandage covering the cut across her right eyebrow. The wound still stung where she’d connected with Inara’s bed frame while she’d been doing her level best to keep the companion from being injured as Connor had tossed Serenity about and shaken the ship to her moorings. She and Inara had fallen the moment they’d made it to the companion’s shuttle, the impact of a shot striking the hull tossing them unmercifully to the floor. Zoe had wrapped Inara up in her arms and held on as they slid to and fro, finally coming to rest against the side of the bed when Serenity had gone still.

The second-in-command stared unseeingly at the floor of the galley, her focus turned inward. It had felt weird holding Inara like that. It was the second time in less than an hour that she’d had the companion in her arms, and Zoe had noticed an odd reluctance on her part to let Inara go when Serenity had finished throwing them around.

Zoe’s right hand dropped to cover her left, twisting her wedding band unconsciously.

“Zoe?”

Her head came up at Mal’s voice, and Zoe mentally shook herself, suspecting it wasn’t the first time the captain had said her name. “Sir?”

“You keep wandering off on me,” Mal murmured as he stabbed another bite of his dinner with his fork and chewed it. “You alright?”

“Just thinkin’, sir.” Zoe straightened in her chair and glanced around the room. They were alone with Jayne who was sipping his mead in uncharacteristic silence. There was still no table to gather around since Mal and Connor had destroyed the last one, and Zoe made a mental note to add such a purchase to their shopping list.

“About anything in particular?” Mal wanted to know.

Zoe blinked, realizing in shock that she was thinking about something as trivial as a damn table while the Alliance was hunting them to the ends of the ‘Verse. Vaguely, she wondered if she’d hit her head harder than she’d thought. Zoe shook her head, keeping her tumultuous thoughts to herself for now. Her attention was diverted when she heard Connor’s English accent bellowing Mal’s name.

“What did you do now?” she asked the captain.

Jayne didn’t move, but he crossed his legs and set his tray of food down over his lap just as Connor stormed into the galley.

“Are you out of your mind?” Connor demanded of the captain.

“That’s a popular theory,” Mal admitted as he took a sip of mead. He wiped his bottom lip. “Wanna tell me what I did to make you spittin’ mad this time?”

“Nix?” Connor said simply as she went nearly toe-to-toe with him, towering over his sitting frame.

Mal glanced at Zoe in surprise. “You told her…?”

“ _River_ told me,” Connor corrected. “According to her, it’s that planet’s residents that are rutting around inside her head.”

The captain and Zoe both sat up at the news. “You sure?” Mal demanded.

“She is,” Connor answered in a strained voice.

Mal released a steady stream of Chinese curses as he stood and moved away from the pilot. He kicked a cabinet, feeling the familiar, well-nursed anger at the Alliance erupt in the pit of his guts. “We ran into your friend Raggley on the planet.”

Connor hesitated, thrown by the unexpected development. “Brandon?”

“One and the same.” Mal gave her a sideways glance as he paced. “Nice work pocketing the Alliance’s coin and giving it to the poor, by the way.”

The pilot stiffened but didn’t deny the charge. “What does Brandon have to do with River and Nix?”

“I don’t rightly know that he has anything to do with either,” Mal said. “But he told me and Zoe that there were two Alliance ships in orbit around the planet.”

Connor frowned, realizing the oddity of such a development. Reluctantly, she set aside her anger to puzzle over that tidbit of news. “Why?”

“I was hoping to find out,” Mal told her as he pivoted and started walking back in the other direction. “Figured they was up to something… that maybe that something had to do with us and those fresh warrants.”

“The Alliance might want to shove all of you in the deepest hole it can find in that cold-ass place, but what in the hell would it have to do with River?” Connor demanded her gaze going first to the silent Zoe before tracking back to Mal. “River doesn’t need to be exposed to the kind of people they lock up there.”

“I don’t reckon any of us do,” the captain fired back. “But if that planet has something to do with Parliament ramping up the search for her again then we need to know about it.”

“It’s a shot in the dark,” Connor grumbled, but something was turning her stomach sour at the thought. It was all connected somehow. What was happening to River was proof.

Zoe gave Connor a sympathetic look. “I know you want to protect her,” she said sincerely. “We all do. But according to you, she’s already been exposed to these people. Going to Nix may be the only way to clean those folks out of River’s head.”

Connor turned and moved away from them both, ignoring Jayne as he scooted away from her. “According to River…” She paused and swallowed as she truly processed what River had told her on the bridge for the first time. “According to River they’re all dead,” she admitted.

It was Zoe’s turn to release a stream of curses.

“Somebody want to fill me in here,” Jayne finally rumbled. “Ain’t Nix a prison colony? I don’t reckon we can just park there and pretend to be visitin’.”

“It is a prison colony,” Zoe confirmed. “But if River is right and they’re all dead…”

“Shouldn’t be anything standing in our way of looking around,” Mal told them.

“Except two Alliance ships,” Jayne pointed out.

“And whatever killed everyone on the planet,” Connor added quietly.

The four of them looked at each other, wondering about what they were contemplating.

“Ah hell,” Jayne mumbled. “Once you’ve flown through Reaver space and survived, don’t nothing seem that scary no more.” He sipped his mead. “Just let me know when we get there.” He got to his feet and trudged off.

“He gets that the people there are worse than the Reavers, right?” Connor asked. “Reavers are animals acting on instinct. These criminals…”

“Do what they do because they enjoy it,” Mal finished the thought. He shook his head. “Let’s hope River is right. I don’t have a mind to mingle with this crowd.”

Kaylee hesitantly poked her head into the galley, making sure there were no fists of flying chairs coming her way before saying, “Um… Connor?”

The pilot glanced over her shoulder at the mechanic. “You ready for a test fire?” she asked distractedly.

“Uh… not by a long shot. I just… um…” Kaylee had a rag in her hands and she twisted it nervously. As much as she loved Connor’s accent, it added something fierce to the pilot’s temper, and Kaylee knew she was about to unleash it. “Well...”

“Spit it out, Kaylee. Time’s a wastin’,” Mal urged.

“SimondruggedRiverandtookherdowntotheinfirmaryformoretests,” the mechanic got out in one breath.

Connor blinked, needing a moment to process what Kaylee was telling her.

“He _what_?” Zoe asked slowly as she got to her feet.

Kaylee swallowed nervously. Zoe intimidated the hell out of her when she sounded like that, and Kaylee suddenly realized she had to worry about more than just Connor if Mal and Zoe’s reactions were any indication. She hastened to defend Simon before anyone rushed off and did something rash to him. “River wouldn’t let Simon run his tests. You know how stubborn she gets. Simon is freakin’ out because he sees this Miranda business happenin’ all over again…” She paused for air. “He’s scared and he’s actin’ like an ass, but he just wants to make her better…” Kaylee bit off the rest of her sentence as Connor brushed past her, the pilot’s face a stone mask.

Mal and Zoe looked at each other.

“I’ll go,” Zoe offered, needing something to think about other than Nix and Inara. Both thoughts were scaring her silly.

“You think she’ll beat him up?” Kaylee asked the captain when Zoe was gone.

“Who? Connor or Zoe?” Mal asked with a smirk as Kaylee contemplated Simon going face-to-face with either option. “Either is a definite possibility. Makes me wanna go watch,” he confessed.

Kaylee rolled her eyes and gave Mal an evil look before turning and hustling down to the infirmary.

****

“Connor.”

“Leave me alone, Zoe,” Connor snapped as she moved deliberately through the ship, feeling her anger boiling in her chest and spilling down her arms to clench her hands into fists.

“It’s like Kaylee said,” Zoe hastened to explain before they reached the infirmary. “Simon is River’s brother…”

Connor spun on the steps barely snapping her mouth shut to keep from saying something she wasn’t even sure she had a right to say, since she didn’t even know what word she might use to describe her and River’s relationship. She just knew that she felt like she had just as much right to be worried about River if not more than her brother did.

Zoe pursed her lips but her eyes softened. “Sarah…” she tried, reaching out to put her hand on Connor’s shoulder.

Connor slapped the touch away. “Told you a long time ago not to call me that.” The pilot started down the steps once more.

“And I told you then there is no shame in your name,” Zoe countered as she followed.

“My name got people dead.” Sarah hit the last step and moved with purpose toward the infirmary, her hand resting on the butt of her gun.

Zoe swallowed all the arguments she had for Connor that wanted to come pouring out of her. Instead, she grabbed Connor’s elbow and spun her about. The pilot’s fist came up and Zoe straightened. “You gonna hit me for caring about you both? For making sure you don’t rush in and do something stupid that will hurt both you and River?”

Connor flexed her fingers and closed her eyes. She angrily tunneled her hands through her hair. “This isn’t fair, Zoe. The girl in there doesn’t deserve this!” she spat.

“Deserve an overprotective brother that cares about her?” Zoe asked.

“Any of this!” Connor yelled. “She should be somewhere going out on dates, and laughing… dancing…” Connor’s voice trailed off and nearly broke. “I never thought…” The pilot swallowed. “I never thought I could hate the Alliance more than I already did for what they did to my family,” she confessed. “But I swear I’d walk into Parliament right now with a gun and a smile and take every one of the bastards with me that I could just for her… for what they did to her.”

Zoe studied her silently. Her gaze shifted when she saw movement behind Connor and she sucked in a surprised breath. Simon was standing in the doorway and looking at the pilot as if he’d just seen her for the first time. “How is she, doc?”

Connor jerked around, feeling something close to shame burning her face. The thought that Simon could have heard any of what she’d just said made her feel both mad and mortified.

Simon stared at the pilot for a long moment before looking away. Kaylee chose that moment to come bounding down the steps, and she slowed when she saw everyone lingering just outside the infirmary.

“She’s getting worse,” Simon said softly. He looked at Connor again. “I… was going to come get you. Inara said… Inara said River got better when you came back.”

“She did,” Zoe confirmed, ignoring the glare Connor shot her.

“I wanted to try something,” Simon said hesitantly. “I was hoping… “ He cleared his throat, uncomfortable with this turn of events. “I was hoping you might be able to help.”

“Now you’re asking me for help?” Connor practically growled. “If you’d stop playing the overprotective brother for five damn seconds…”

“Connor,” Zoe snapped, her voice full or warning. “You both want what’s best for River.”

Connor turned her head to look back at Zoe, anger etched in the tiny lines around her eyes. Zoe met her gaze unflinchingly. The pilot seethed in silence for a full minute before finally facing Simon again. “What do you want from me?”

Simon knew he’d earned her anger, but it was still unsettling to have it directed at him. He motioned Connor into the infirmary, and she went reluctantly, taking care not to come anywhere close to touching him as she passed.

River looked terrifyingly pale where she lay strapped to the examination table. Connor felt her guts churn as she grabbed hold of the edge of the bed, her fingers tightening on the fabric and making it squeak. River’s big brown eyes were closed, her breathing so slow and deep Connor was afraid she was looking at a corpse. The pilot jumped when Simon’s warm handed landed on her shoulder.

“I was hoping you could help me with an experiment,” Simon explained quietly as if he were worried he’d wake his sister or spook the pilot into bolting. He noted Connor glaring at his hand and he readily removed it

Anger faded to be replaced by sharp fear and worry. Connor nodded absently as Simon pulled up a stool and motioned her to sit next to River.

“Hold her hand for me?” Simon asked.

Connor looked at him with confusion. “Why?”

“Please? I think the tactile stimulation might help.”

Connor couldn’t hold his gaze so she let hers drop back to River. With a shaky breath, she reached out and clasped River’s hand between her own. Connor scooted closer to the table, lowering her voice as she leaned in to talk in low tones to the shell of a woman who was coming to mean more and more to Sarah every day. Her thumb grazed River’s knuckles as she studied River’s beautiful, serene profile. “Come on, girlie, fight them.”

Simon’s gaze dipped down to the readings from the scan he was taking before lifting up to watch Connor again. “Keep talking to her,” he urged.

Connor glanced at him and set her jaw, angry to be put on display and ordered around but too desperate to help River to complain about it. “We’re going to go to Nix. We’re going to make the voices go away. I promise you.”

“I’ll be damned,” Simon murmured.

“What?” Kaylee asked from the doorway. She’d kept silent until now, afraid that she would disrupt the fragile peace everyone was floating in.

Simon motioned Zoe and Kaylee closer. He indicated the scan. “It’s working.”

Zoe looked at Connor. “Seems like Kaylee isn’t the only one who likes your accent.”

“Hey now,” Kaylee answered lightly.

Connor bit her lip and ignored them all, choosing to focus her complete attention on River. She leaned in further, resting her elbows on her knees.

“Maybe you should wake her up, doc,” Zoe suggested as she watched the colors clouding the scan of River’s brain diminishing.

Simon shook his head. “She really does need her rest. Don’t forget she almost drowned a few hours ago.”

The pilot eased her hand through River’s soft hair. “I’ll stay with her,” she volunteered. “That’s what you were going to ask, right?” She didn’t even bother to look at Simon or the others.

“Would you mind?” Simon asked.

Kaylee snorted. “Would she mind?” she scoffed only to clear her throat and attempt to look innocent when everyone turned and stared at her. “Well… you know… you should move to River’s quarters at least. Right bit more comfortable than the infirmary.”

Zoe shook her head. “You really are a failure at subtlety.”

The mechanic laughed nervously. “Ain’t no reason for Connor to sit on this here stool all night. We all had our turns on it. It ain’t comfy.”

“Kaylee is right,” Simon interceded. “River would be more comfortable in her quarters and so would you,” he told Connor. “I’ll just need a few minutes to set everything up.”

“Want me to grab a few things for you?” Zoe asked Connor.

The pilot nodded, unsure what to make of the conversation going on around her as if she wasn’t there. Zoe squeezed her arm as she passed. Kaylee, too, seemed to feel the need to pat Connor on the back. The strangest thing was the pilot realized she didn’t mind. If anything, the contact was welcome.

Connor returned her attention to River as Simon stepped out of the infirmary. “Hope you don’t mind spending another night bunking with me,” Connor murmured in a low voice so Simon wouldn’t hear. River’s hand twitched in hers as if in affirmation and Connor couldn’t help but smile.

She could think of many worse ways to spend an evening besides being wrapped up with River Tam in a nice warm bed.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please see chapter one for notes.

Zoe stared unseeingly at the stars beyond the viewport. The same pattern had been there for the last three hours as Serenity floated along, her engines running on half power at best. The temperature inside the firefly had steadily dropped until Zoe was taking in the view through the fog of her breath. She pulled her coat tighter and settled into the co-pilot’s chair, her thoughts lost somewhere out amongst the ‘Verse as she considered their next destination.

Not going was not an option. Zoe admitted that now. The souls of Nix in River’s head cemented that truth for the second-in-command. But the whole situation was beginning to take on shades of Miranda, and any thought of that cursed planet stirred up painful memories. Zoe swallowed and refused to let her gaze wander to the empty pilot’s chair, even though her intention on coming here was to feel closer to the man who’d once sat in it.

Soft footfalls on the stairs drew her attention away from the view. Zoe lazily swiveled her chair to see Inara peeking cautiously inside. “Evening,” Zoe greeted neutrally.

“Good evening,” Inara responded in kind before gathering her skirts and stepping the rest of the way up onto the bridge. Like Zoe, she wore a heavy coat over her clothes. “I didn’t expect to find you here. I thought you were helping Kaylee.”

“I was. She shooed me away after a spell. Seems I was getting in her way.” Zoe managed a cautious smile as Inara came closer. The companion made her feel uncharacteristically nervous as of late, and Zoe often found herself at a loss of words in Inara’s presence. She searched for something to say and finally decided on something bland. “It’s late. What are you doing up?”

“Who can sleep?” Inara murmured, easily detecting Zoe’s wariness where she was concerned. Despite the fact that the second-in-command appeared relaxed, Inara hadn’t missed the telltale tension that had crept into Zoe’s proud frame at her arrival. “I’m worried about River… about where Mal wants to take us next…”

“I wouldn’t worry too much about River. She’s in good hands.” Zoe’s smile widened a fraction.

Inara watched that smile form with a sense of satisfaction. Every conversation with Zoe was like a series of hurdles, and Inara knew she’d just cleared one. Sensing a safe topic that would allow for a few more minutes of conversation, Inara pressed her advantage. She leaned against the pilot’s console and studied the other woman. “I heard Simon asked Connor to bunk with her for the night in River’s quarters.”

“He did,” Zoe confirmed, some of the tension slipping from her shoulders.

“River doesn’t exactly have a big bed,” Inara pointed out with an edge of amusement coloring her voice.

“I imagine Connor and River are a bit cozy right now,” Zoe admitted with a smirk.

“They’re precious, aren’t they?” Inara asked. “I wasn’t sure what to think when Kaylee told me what was going on with them, but after seeing the way Connor tends to her…” Inara smiled.

“They seem good for each other,” Zoe confessed. “Both have been to hell and back. Does a soul good to see them find a sliver of happiness.”

“That’s all we can ever want for our family and friends,” Inara added gently, hoping that she wasn’t about to spook the former soldier into running. “To see them happy.”

Zoe lifted her gaze and met Inara’s look of quiet understanding. Some aching part of her soul was tempted by the kindness she could see in the depths of Inara’s dark eyes; tempted to share the pain she carried, to let someone soothe her soul for once. But it wasn’t her way. She’d left herself open to only one person, and in that moment, Zoe felt Wash’s absence from the bridge keenly. She cleared her throat and swiveled her chair back towards the stars, unable to handle the compassion she could see in the companion’s eyes. “Some folks only get one shot at that,” Zoe answered quietly but firmly.

“They certainly do,” Inara agreed, wincing a little as she watched Zoe close off in front of her eyes. “Especially if that’s all they’ll allow themselves.”

Zoe abruptly stood and motioned to the co-pilot’s chair. “Think I’ll go check in with Kaylee. You can have the seat. Should be halfway warm by now.”

“Zoe,” Inara called out as the second-in-command fled from the conversation. Zoe didn’t answer as she pounded down the steps and walked away. Inara sank into the now-vacant co-pilot’s seat, taking in the view Zoe had so recently fled, until she heard a second pair of boots ascending the stairs with a tread she recognized. The companion sighed, resisting the urge to turn and welcome the captain onto the bridge. She was suddenly feeling as anti-social as the woman who had just left.

“What’s wrong with Zoe?” Mal wanted to know as he emerged onto the bridge and blinked in surprise at discovering Inara alone in the middle of it.

Inara wasn’t sure how to answer. “Does it matter?” she finally asked quietly, trying not to feel defeated.

Mal looked at the companion for a long moment. “Don’t suppose it does,” he admitted regretfully as his hand rested on the back of the empty pilot’s chair.

****

Candlelight flickered fire and shadows across the walls and ceiling of River Tam’s personal quarters. Kaylee had lit several candles so she could divert as much of the power from the passenger quarters to the rest of the ship without leaving Connor and River to fumble around in the dark and completely freeze. Connor didn’t mind as she watched the golden tones dance across River’s relaxed features. She could see her own breath fogging the air, but River’s body heat was keeping her nice and warm under the blankets.

At least one of them could sleep, Connor thought with a wry smirk. Granted, River’s slumber was drug-induced. Connor decided if Simon checked on them again, she’d ask for a hit of whatever River was having. Not that she minded watching River sleep…

At times like this, Connor couldn’t wrap her head around the notion that somewhere in that beautiful brain of River’s lurked a killer waiting to be unleashed. A word… a phrase… some trigger could be pulled and River would become the antithesis of herself, an innocent soul transformed into a cold-blooded assassin.

And yet… Connor had to admit that was what the Alliance did. They wrecked innocent souls. Whether they claimed them in death, cut on them in a lab, or forced young men and women to become warriors to fight and kill on the battlefield to defend a way of life, it didn’t matter.

She thought of the boy she’d left behind on the planet… of Robert’s innocent face. How long before that innocence was lost? How long before he got caught in the crossfire or was forced to join a cause he didn’t believe in? In the end, the Alliance forced them all to chose a path few would have chosen for themselves, but the puppet masters didn’t seem content to stop there. They kept interfering, kept trying to control everyone and everything. People either bent to their will or the Alliance broke them. There was little ground for anything in between.

They’d broken her, Connor admitted. Shattered her soul with a bullet in an instant. The war had put pieces of her back together. The camaraderie with the other pilots and soldiers had given her a second chance at a family, one born of common beliefs rather than blood. She’d felt strangely safe in the middle of all that dying, knowing that at least her back was covered in a way she’d never known. Connor had been surrounded by people who would have died for her, and the constant fighting had given her little time to dwell on the past. But then the battle of Serenity Valley fractured those mended shards of her soul once more, leaving her to simply exist… to breathe and wander the ‘Verse with no real purpose.

Until Malcolm Reynolds had come back into her life, until Connor had stepped onto the bridge of the Serenity and looked into River Tam’s eyes for the first time.

Now she had purpose again. Connor could feel it burning in her gut, a fire fueling a soul that had grown weary and cold. “I won’t let them hurt you,” she promised River in a fierce whisper. Some distant part of her mind acknowledge that she was willing to die for any member of this crew, even Jayne, but heaven help a man or woman who tried to take away the woman lying next to her.

A shudder eased through the ship and Connor lifted and cocked her head, listening intently, as her heartbeat kicked up in alarm. It took another few uncertain moments before she detected the spin of Serenity’s engine and she smiled thinly, dropping her head in relief.

Perhaps it was the vibration that made River stir, but the younger woman rolled onto her side and collected Connor in her arms, forcing the pilot to shift and tumble onto her back in surprise as River settled nearly on top of her with a contented sigh.

“River?” Connor whispered, trying to gauge if her bedmate was awake or moving in her sleep.

Warm breath blew across Connor’s collarbone and she shivered, almost painfully aware of every inch of her body pressed against River’s. The younger woman was soft and seductively warm, and Connor felt almost guilty about settling her arms around her. She closed her eyes and savored the touch and heat of the other woman, but mostly she savored the moment of peace they existed in, knowing it wouldn’t last.

The pilot took a deep breath, drawing in the scent of River’s shampoo, soap, and clean linens. Connor itched to touch the girl, and after several minutes of internal debate, she finally let her fingers ease through River’s hair before letting her touch skim down River’s spine. The co-pilot murmured something in her sleep and pressed closer, her implicit trust healing another shard of Sarah’s soul.

Connor’s fingers grazed up River’s back and settled on the younger woman’s temple, gently testing the electrode that resided there. It was wireless and transmitted scans to Simon should River take a turn for the worse, but for the last few hours, Simon had been blessedly scarce, meaning that whatever dreams were tumbling through River’s mind, they were apparently pleasant ones.

The pilot’s breath abruptly hitched as River’s hand began sliding up Connor’s hip and under the pilot’s tank top before coming to rest splayed open against her ribs. The innocent touch caused a less than innocent reaction, and Connor had to clamp down on the urge to twitch under the contact.

“River?” Connor said again, this time with more volume. The girl didn’t seem to be awake, but she would have sworn River was teasing her.

“Good thing I’m not the one wearing those electrodes,” Connor murmured as she stared hard at the ceiling, commanding her heart to slow and her body to behave. “Hate to see what kind of readings the doc would be getting off me right now.”

Connor blinked when she felt River jerk. She eased her head up off the pillow, her eyes narrowing. “Did you just laugh?”

River went a little too still.

“All right, girlie, how long have you been awake?”

River slowly lifted her head, her long brown hair trailing silk across Connor’s upper chest and shoulder. “Not long,” she said sleepily. “When you said my name.”

Connor wondered if the younger woman meant the first or second time and decided she really didn’t want to know. “How are you feeling?”

River seemed to consider the question. “Quiet.”

“Quiet is good,” Connor said with a half smile as River eased slightly onto her side again, propping herself up on her elbow so she could look down at the pilot.

River glanced around her familiar quarters. “I don’t remember coming in here.”

“You remember your brother drugging you?” Connor asked neutrally.

River’s head angled and her brow furrowed only to clear when the memory came to her. She started to move out of the bed, her purpose clear, when Connor caught and held her on the bunk.

“Down, girl,” the pilot joked. “Don’t put the hurt on the only doctor we have.”

“He tricked me,” River announced sulkily.

“I know,” Connor replied in a gentler voice. “But he was the one who asked me to stay here with you tonight so he can’t be all bad.”

River tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “He asked you?” she said after a moment.

“He asked me. Kaylee lit the candles. Zoe even brought me some clothes to change into. Apparently everyone but Jayne knows I’m bunking with you tonight.” Connor reached up and touched one of the electrodes on River’s temple and the young woman’s hand followed suit, feeling the thin disk on her skin. “He’s monitoring you in case you get worse again,” Connor explained at the co-pilot’s confused look.

“Simon really asked you to stay with me?” River asked as her hand slowly dropped, her fingers gliding down Connor’s arm where the pilot’s hand still remained cupping River’s cheek.

The pilot nodded and reluctantly let the other woman go. “For some reason, he thinks I make you better,” Connor said as her eyes met River’s.

“You make everything better,” River declared innocently.

Connor clamped her teeth together. Her first instinct was always to deflect any praise or kindness, but she wryly admitted she savored River’s innocent compliments. They were sincere, and spoken with a kind of raw honesty Connor had never encountered before. As much as she savored the compliments, however, they usually left her too stunned and flattered to form an immediate, coherent response.

“I mess you up,” River teased as Connor struggled to respond, but there was a truth to her words that gave them an edge.

Connor stared up at River’s face, taking a moment to simply appreciate the beauty she was seeing in the candlelight. River swallowed nervously at her perusal, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear again, which immediately fell loose. The pilot reached up and gathered the wayward strands, doing the honor herself as she brushed them back away from River’s face. “I think I mess you up a little too,” she replied into the sudden silence.

River couldn’t hold her gaze. She dropped hers to stare at Connor’s pulse point, watching the evidence of the pilot’s heart beating out a steady tempo under the enticing patch of skin. “More than a little,” River admitted shyly before shifting her gaze to Sarah’s locket. Collecting the silver pendant in her fingers, River watched as the candlelight caught the design and the surface reflected fire.

The pilot tensed at the contact before taking a deep breath and releasing it slowly. Seeing the locket in River’s hands, like she was cradling her past, made Connor’s eyes burn and she blinked away the tears she could feel forming. The memories the locket would unleash could carve her up like knives, but for the first time, Connor almost welcomed the pain. It was time. “You want to…?”

River’s gaze locked on Connor’s in surprise. “The picture in here causes you pain.”

“The memories cause me pain,” Connor amended. “The picture doesn’t.” She scratched self-consciously at one of her eyebrows. “I think…” She took an unsteady breath. “I want you to…” Licking her lips, Connor shook her head at herself before meeting River’s concerned gaze again. “I want you to know about him,” the pilot finally admitted, feeling her throat tighten with emotion.

River tilted her head again as she studied Sarah from another angle, as if a new view would give her the answers she sought. “Sarah…” Her protest died in her throat as the pilot closed a hand over River’s and squeezed once in assurance before letting go.

“Open it,” Connor ordered gently.

The locket opened with a soft snick. River reluctantly tore her gaze away from the green of Sarah’s eyes to see what lay nestled inside the cherished silver locket. She brought the picture closer, feeling a pang deep inside her chest. “He’s beautiful,” she said through gathering tears, already feeling the swell of emotion hammering against Sarah’s mental walls, the pain Sarah was trying so hard not to feel.

Connor’s jaw clenched and she nodded. “Yeah,” she said in something close to a whisper. “He was.”

Inside the locket was the picture of a young boy. River placed him somewhere close to two or three. The shape of his face was so similar to Sarah’s it hurt River’s heart to look upon him, his mop of unruly brown hair just like his… River’s head came up again and a tear slipped down each cheek. “You’re his mother.”

It was a statement, not a question. Connor nodded, her own tears stinging the corners of her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. She cleared her throat. “His name was John.”

“John Connor,” River said softly, feeling like she’d lost something because she’d never known the boy. Her thumb caressed his picture and some irrational part of her felt like she’d failed, that if she’d only known Sarah sooner then maybe she could have saved John some way.

“John Reese,” Sarah corrected with a weak smile. “I let him have his father’s name.”

“His father?” River asked and there was no mistaking the jealousy that roared through her veins and colored her tone.

“Kyle,” Sarah explained, ignoring the note in River’s voice for now. “He got me more than a little drunk when I was fifteen, and John was the result.”

“Did you marry him?” River wanted to know, her tone almost petulant.

“Um… no.” Feeling her balance restoring somewhat, Connor was able to feel a thread of amusement. “Kyle wasn’t really… my type.” She reached up and wiped one of River’s tears away from the younger woman’s chin.

“Was he a good father?” River demanded, a hint of anger in her voice.

“He was a good father,” Connor confirmed. “Kyle stepped up and did the right thing by John.”

River nodded almost to herself, satisfied with Sarah’s answer. With one last look at the beautiful boy in the locket, River closed it reverently. “What happened to them?” she asked hesitantly.

“They died,” Connor said after a rough swallow. “All my family did.”

“A contractor,” River guessed judging by the way Sarah had reacted to them before. Now she understood why Sarah had been so angry, why River’s questions had made the older woman lash out.

“An operative,” Connor corrected after a moment. She put her hand over River’s and the locket. “And I think that’s enough of a Sarah Connor history lesson for tonight.”

River wanted to press, Connor could see it in the girl’s eyes, but River let the questions remain unasked.

“I’m sorry,” River whispered. “I’m sorry they took so much from you.”

The tears returned, and Connor had to close her eyes to keep them from falling. She felt the back of River’s fingers ghost down her cheek and the touch broke her just enough to let a traitorous few slip free. Connor shook her head, feeling River’s fingers brushing away her tears. “I’m sorry they did the same to you,” the pilot ground out.

“They didn’t take my family,” River said.

“They took your mind.” Connor opened her eyes and stared into River’s stricken ones. “They cut into your soul…”

River fiddled with the locket, watching it reflect the candlelight and the way the movement of the chain around Sarah’s neck gave the pilot goosebumps. “I know how operatives can be,” River murmured after a few quiet minutes. “They just keep coming. They never stop.” She heard Sarah swallow, but the pilot didn’t say anything. “One killed a lot of people to get to me.”

Connor shifted again, touching River’s chin lightly to get the co-pilot to look up at her. “I know,” she said softly.

“He killed everyone who’d ever sheltered us,” River confessed. “Shepherd Book… he died in the sand… sand soaked in his own blood.” Her voice faltered as the memories came, long buried thoughts that had the capacity to haunt and hurt.

The pilot’s eyebrows knit together as she tried to place the name. “Book?”

“He was one of us,” River explained. “A member of the crew… he left but he never left all the way.”

Connor thought she knew what River meant. “I’m sorry,” she said, wishing she had more than words to make things better.

“Wash.” River’s voice broke on the name. “He died in your chair. He died because the Alliance wouldn’t stop. He died for their secrets. Secrets I knew. Secrets the captain broadcast to the ‘Verse.”

“Hey,” Connor murmured, sensing River’s darkening mood as the younger woman lost herself in unwelcome memories. She cursed herself for sharing her past with River now. Connor knew she should have realized that bringing up what happened to her would cause River to remember her own painful past. “River.”

“Zoe watched him die. He left this life right in front of her.”

“River.” Sarah rolled them both over so that River was once more on her back and she was nearly blanketing the younger woman. “It’s okay.”

“Not okay,” River whispered as her fingers clutched at the locket again, her eyes fixed on it. “They keep taking and taking. The Alliance took your family… my friends… millions and millions of souls… now they’re taking even more…”

“We’ll stop them,” Connor promised.

“But who will have to die for the secrets I carry this time?” River looked up into Sarah’s stricken gaze. “Will I lose you?” Fresh tears tracked down her cheeks as she swallowed. “Will I have to watch you die in the pilot’s chair?”

Connor felt her heart constrict so hard it hurt. She eased forward, laying her lips on River’s forehead. “No,” she whispered fiercely against the younger woman’s skin. “You will not watch me die in that chair,” she vowed.

“Zoe won’t ever get over it… she still expects to see him sitting there, and it kills a piece of her every time she realizes he’s not.”

The pilot took a breath, feeling like she was being compared to her dead predecessor while River was somehow aligning herself with Zoe. She frowned, feeling like she was missing an important part of a puzzle. “River…”

“They were married,” River said, sensing Sarah’s confusion. “They loved each other so much… and love wasn’t enough to keep him here.”

Green eyes clamped shut as a wave of compassion and pain washed through Connor for Zoe. “Damn,” she whispered as she pulled River closer, feeling the girl slip her arms around her. “River… history doesn’t have to repeat itself.”

“But it is,” River replied. “It is.”

Connor didn’t understand what River meant. The younger woman seemed to be lost to her memories. All Connor could do was hold her, so she did, rocking her gently until they both succumbed to uneasy dreams.

****

“You just gonna sit there all night?”

Simon wearily lifted his head from the counter in the galley to take in Kaylee in the doorway. He managed a lopsided smile. “Felt the engine come back online,” he said by way of an answer.

Kaylee stepped down into the galley. Her face was streaked with oil and grease, her hands stained almost black with both. She’d tied her hair back, revealing even more smudges of the black substance on her neck. “Yeah. The old girl is runnin’ again,” Kaylee confirmed. She tucked her hands in her coveralls. “What are you doin’ in here, Simon?”

The doctor leaned back in his chair and shrugged. “Nowhere else to go,” he admitted. “Unless I felt like hanging out in the infirmary all night.”

“You got quarters,” Kaylee argued, feeling a pang of guilt. Simon hadn’t been back to her bunk or the engine room since their spat.

“Right next to River’s,” Simon reminded her.

“Ah.” Kaylee nodded and smiled a fraction. “You might accept they’re fallin’ in love, but don’t much want to listen to ‘em.”

Simon almost seemed to squirm. “They aren’t having sex, Kaylee.”

“Not yet,” the mechanic teased as she grabbed a chair and pulled it closer to the other side of the counter. “I meant that you didn’t want to listen to them murmurin’ sweet nothins to each other.”

“That idea seems equally unappealing.”

“I think it’s cute. They sure are pretty together. You got to admit that at least.”

Simon pursed his lips, but Kaylee could tell he wanted to smile. “I admit nothing.”

“Not even that your sister has good taste?”

The smile finally grudgingly formed. Simon shrugged. “Eh.”

Kaylee reached across the counter and smacked him on the arm. “Connor is right pretty and you know it.”

“I still think I have better taste than my sister,” he replied a little more seriously and was rewarded by a slight blush dotting Kaylee’s cheeks. He sighed and let his gaze wander back to his portable scanner. His sister had obviously been awake for a time and apparently talking to Connor given the activity he’d detected. Now, however, it seemed clear that she’d drifted back to sleep. His scans weren’t clean. Whatever was plaguing River remained, but she was managing it far better now than he’d ever seen her before.

Kaylee came around the counter and looked at the monitor. Hesitantly, she put her hand on Simon’s shoulder, careful not to leave any grease behind. “Looks like she’s doin’ okay.”

Simon nodded. “Yeah. She got upset for a short while about something, but she’s sleeping again.”

“Can’t you program this with an alarm or somethin’?” Kaylee asked. “It’s like you’re spyin’ on her thoughts.”

“It’s not like I know what she’s thinking, Kaylee.” Simon shifted and looked up at her. He smiled, reaching up to wipe a smudge of grease off the mechanic’s nose. “You should get washed up and get some sleep. You earned it.”

“Kinda wired still,” Kaylee admitted. “Feels like so much is happenin’… things are changin’ so fast I can hardly keep up.”

“The captain told you about Nix?” Simon guessed, refusing to consider his own unease. At this point he was willing to go into the bowels of hell if it made River better.

“He did. Can’t say that information is helpin’ the desire to sleep much.”

Simon chuckled weakly. He rubbed at his aching forehead, unaware that he’d left a smear of grease behind. Kaylee bit her lip when she noticed it, holding in a laugh. Simon looked back up at her and the urge to giggle got worse. The smudge looked like a rabbit.

“It’s nice,” Simon said unexpectedly.

“What?” Kaylee asked distracted.

“You talking to me again. I’ve missed your voice.”

Kaylee paused. “Why you got to go and say stuff like that to me? You know it melts me every time,” she whined. She turned and stomped a few feet away. “I’m not through bein’ mad at you!”

Simon held out his hands in surrender. “I wasn’t…” He shook his head and got to his feet. “I just meant that I don’t like fighting with you.”

“I got good reason to be mad!” Kaylee complained. “You didn’t worry none about me facin’ off against them contractors.”

“I worried plenty!” Simon argued.

“You didn’t care about leavin’ me…” Kaylee reminded him.

“Of course I did,” Simon fired back. “But I knew you could take care of yourself!”

That brought Kaylee up short. “You think I can take care of myself, but River can’t do the same? Simon, you do know your sister can turn into an assassin, right?”

Simon rolled his eyes and moved away from her a few paces. “She’s my sister, Kaylee. River has always needed me to look out for her. I don’t know how to turn that off. I’m wired that way now.”

“Well you might want to unwire yourself. I think River can manage herself just fine… and when she can’t… well, someone else is there now,” Kaylee said with more gentleness than she felt. “River’s all grown up. Time to treat her like she is.” Kaylee wanted to spin on her heel and storm off, but the pity she felt for Simon had her merely leaving the way she came. She would just sleep in the engine room tonight, she decided, watching over her patient the way Simon would watch over his sister.

The doctor slumped back down at the counter as Kaylee left. He’d ruined another perfectly good chance to patch things up with her. Why could he be so good at mending broken bodies and so lousy at repairing his damaged relationship?

His hand went to his pant pocket and he withdrew the ring he’d been carrying with him since Jayne had brought it back from the planet. He’d been waiting for the right moment to give it to Kaylee, but so far that moment hadn’t come.

“Pretty ring.”

Zoe’s low voice made Simon jump. He turned his head as the second-in-command descended the steps from the crew quarters and came closer. She plucked the ring from his fingers and studied it in the light before giving Simon a sideways smile. “She’ll love it.”

Simon smiled weakly as he accepted the silver and sapphire ring back and slipped it into his pocket. He’d made sure to get something both beautiful and practical, no large stones to get caught on engine gears and housings. “Too bad she hates me,” he mumbled.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, Doc,” Zoe told him. “Kaylee’s a strong woman with a strong mind, and she doesn’t hesitate to speak it. It’s one of the things you love about her.”

Simon looked up at her. “Do you regret it?” he asked softly.

Zoe stiffened at the unexpected question. “Marrying Wash?” she guessed, her voice tight.

Realizing he’d caused her undue pain, Simon shook his head. “Never mind. I really shouldn’t have asked that.”

“It’s okay, Doc,” Zoe sighed. It wasn’t like Simon had anyone else on-board to turn to about this topic, she realized. For his sake, Zoe put aside her discomfort for a moment. “And no… I never did and never will. I would have given anything for more time, but I would never trade the time we had even if it caused me less pain.” She regarded him. “Is this what you really want? To marry Kaylee? Or is the ring and the question that goes with it to get you out of the doghouse?”

The doctor considered the question. “I don’t know,” he confessed. “I love her, Zoe. But this life out here… doing what we do…”

“You’ve held back from getting too close,” Zoe informed him bluntly even though she could understand his reasoning all too well. “You fear the pain if something happens to her, but there will already be pain, Simon. You think it will be any easier for you if Kaylee dies tomorrow or a year from now with that ring on her finger? Maybe if she dies and you never loved her all the way the pain would be even worse.”

Simon swallowed thickly.

“Think about it,” Zoe instructed him as she moved through the galley. “And, Doc,” she called out when she got to the other door. “You might consider all this where it applies to your sister, too.”

“I’m getting that a lot,” he admitted with a sigh.

****

The hunter watched the little firefly from a safe distance. He’d had no problem tracking her from the planet, but he’d been surprised when he’d nearly stumbled over Serenity with his own vessel. He’d watched and waited, confident in the mechanic’s skills to get the ship going again. Kaylee Frye had not disappointed him.

Serenity’s engine glowed to life and the hunter smiled as he watched her abruptly streak away, leaving a path of fire in her wake. He didn’t need to hurry after them. He knew where the crew was going. Brandon Raggley had been most helpful in that regard.

He glanced down at the console and studied the two pictures he saw there. On one side, River Tam, the focus of his mission. On the other, Sarah Connor, Serenity’s new pilot. He tapped the screen over Connor’s face. “What a hard life you’ve led,” he said to the picture.

He programmed in the coordinates and powered up his own ship. “Perhaps you’ve finally found your place in the ‘Verse with Mal and his crew, hmm?”

Glancing up into the viewport, the former operative saw his dark features reflected back at him. He punched a button and his shuttle rocketed forward in pursuit of the firefly. “I know almost everything there is to know about you, my dear,” he told the absent pilot. “The only thing left to learn is if you’ll help me, or get in my way.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please see chapter one for notes.

Tendrils of golden fire twirled and licked at the blackness of space as Serenity soldiered on toward her cold destination.

The former operative could see her if he strained his eyes to do so. He’d fitted the little firefly with a homing beacon, carefully concealed in one of the many engine parts Connor and Jayne had acquired on the planet, so there was no risk of losing his prey, but there was something welcoming about the tiny, warm pinprick of light in this particular patch of black. Comforting, in fact.

He kept his distance, just outside the ship’s radar range. He’d reveal himself to the crew in due time. For now, he was content to browse whatever information he could unearth on Serenity’s new pilot. The rest of the crew he knew backwards and forwards. No surprises to be found there. But Connor… Connor intrigued him. He’d been studying her all night, slowly and methodically building a profile of the woman who could either help or hinder his plans.

Sarah Connor’s life was a sad and tragic one, no doubt, but he admired the resilience he could see in her. Whatever life threw at her, no matter how many times the ‘Verse beat her down, Connor always got her feet under her and came back up swinging.

Not that her spirit hadn’t been cowed somewhat by loss and war. She’d been weakened time and again, but still she fought and no doubt would to her dying day. Sometimes Connor battled in full view, warring against the Alliance, and sometimes she used stealth to stick the proverbial knife in the backs of her enemies. The former operative used a forefinger to trace the shape of Connor’s face. “You’re trouble,” he murmured, but their was a hint of delight in his voice.

“I very much look forward to meeting you, Sarah Connor,” he told the image. “It won’t be long now.”

***

The passenger quarters were quiet as Simon stepped off the stairs on his way to the infirmary. He was treading lightly, careful not to make much noise in the early morning hour. Most of the crew was asleep but would be stirring soon, including… His gaze darted toward River’s closed door as he passed and he frowned, not wanting to think about what he’d find if he were to peek inside right now.

His mind conjured the images anyway and he winced. Comforting himself with the knowledge that Connor seemed to have some semblance of honor, Simon almost convinced himself that nothing had happened last night between River and the pilot but some small talk and sleeping.

He’d given his sister and the pilot their privacy for the night while he’d kept a close eye on the scans of River’s brain. After a spell of upset, River had settled down for the night, sleeping soundly if not peacefully. It was more than he’d hoped for, though, and he took last night as a victory. He knew he owed Connor a word of thanks for that.

Entering the infirmary, Simon set his supplies wearily on the counter. The examination chair looked comfortable enough to sleep in after being up all night in the galley. He gave it some serious thought before deciding against it, figuring he would wait until River was awake before getting some sleep of his own.

He turned and leapt completely off the floor when he came face to face with his sister.

“I remember what you did,” River said seriously. “Don’t do that again.”

Simon laid a hand over his slamming heart. “Mei-mei, you scared the hell out of me.”

“No more drugs,” River insisted, completely unconcerned and unapologetic for frightening him out of his wits.

“No more drugs,” Simon agreed. His sister merely gave him a long, scathing look before spinning on her bare feet and padding back silently the way she’d come. He followed at a safe distance, watching as River quietly opened the door to her quarters and stealthily slipped inside before shutting it.

The doctor ran a shaking hand through his hair. “I hate it when she does that,” he murmured.

****

River paused in the doorway and took a moment to simply watch Sarah sleep. The pilot had curled around River’s pillow in the younger woman’s absence, her beautiful features relaxed beneath a tumble of brown hair. The sight did something funny to River’s heart, making it feel like a fist was squeezing the breath out of her, but the sensation was pleasant rather than painful. She padded closer before easing to her knees so she could see Sarah’s features up close. The pilot was breathing slow and deep, and River felt strangely jealous of her own pillow where it was snuggled so securely in Sarah’s arms.

She’d lit another candle before leaving since the others had burned out, and the flickering flame did interesting things with light and shadow across Sarah’s exposed cheek and shoulder. River bit her lip, trying to discern a strategy for trading places with her pillow. She wanted to be in Sarah’s arms, surrounded by her heat and scent. Craving the contact, River leaned forward to better study the situation.

As River watched, Sarah stirred slowly from sleep, her grip tightening briefly on the pillow before relaxing. Green eyes blinked lazily open only to discover her co-pilot hovering over her. Connor jerked in alarm, her hand shooting out from under the covers for the gun belt she kept close. Her fingers tightened over the familiar wood and metal butt and she slid the weapon free of its leather confines, whipping the gun around and bringing the barrel to bear on River.

“It’s okay,” River hastily promised, sitting back and holding up her hands, realizing too late that she’d made a tactical error with the former soldier.

Connor closed her eyes and swore, the gun wavering in a suddenly unsteady hand before the pilot lowered the weapon and left it in a jumble of blankets. River clutched Sarah’s wrists and pulled them to her chest as she murmured soothing words. Connor could feel the younger woman’s thumbs stroking up and down the backs of her cold hands as River settled on the bed next to her, willing her to calm. The touch was both welcome and strangely agitating after the way she’d woken up. The pilot had to resist the urge to jerk away. “I almost shot you,” she snapped, opening her eyes at last.

“You wouldn’t have,” River answered instantly.

“My finger was on the trigger…” Connor’s voice was rough and held a hint of anger.

“You wouldn’t have,” River repeated. “I’m sorry I startled you.”

Dropping her head back onto the pillow, Connor let her body relax, the tension fleeing her muscles almost as suddenly as it had infused them. Adrenaline still made her heart hammer, however, and she took a moment to let it settle before looking at River once more. “Not a good way to wake me,” she murmured.

“I figured that out,” River replied in a sheepish tone. She let one of Sarah’s hands go so she could ease her own through the pilot’s dark hair. “I’m sorry,” she said again. “I should have known better.”

Blowing out a harsh breath, Connor shook her head. “Not your fault I have a hair-trigger.”

River ached for her, for what Sarah’s life must have been like before. “I don’t mind it. It’s kept you alive this long.”

Connor’s green eyes tracked from the gun resting on her stomach to the co-pilot’s face. She wrapped her grip around the weapon and rolled over, forcing River to sit back as she slid the gun into the holster. She sighed, taking a moment to collect her thoughts and emotions as her fingers toyed with the edge of the leather belt. “I didn’t feel you get up.”

“I’m sneaky,” River reminded her in a gently teasing tone, watching the tense set of Sarah’s shoulders and wondering what she could do to relax the muscles she’d inadvertently tightened. “I was sitting here plotting, in fact, when I scared you.”

Connor blinked and took in a breath, about to argue River’s description of recent events. Instead her mouth thinned into a tight line as she swallowed whatever she was about to say. She turned and slumped down onto the bed before facing the younger woman again. “Plotting?” she asked simply.

“How to get you to turn loose of my pillow and hold me instead,” River said innocently.

Connor’s breath hitched in surprise at River’s words. It was nothing short of amazing how River could take her emotions and make them run the gamut from anger to the stirrings of arousal in one short conversation. She sat up on her elbow and regarded the younger woman. “Do you do that on purpose?” she asked suspiciously.

It was River’s turn to blink. “Do what on purpose?”

“Say things like that to me.”

River didn’t understand. “Did I say something bad?”

Smirking a little, the pilot reached out and let her fingertips slowly glide down River’s cheek, savoring both the touch and River’s captivated reaction to it. She felt the tables turn in the moment, and she smiled “Tell me something.”

The pads of Sarah’s fingertips felt both rough and seductive on her skin, and River would swear she could feel the contact all the way down in her guts. She swallowed and suddenly felt hot all over. “Anything.”

“What if I told you that you’re beautiful?” Sarah watched River swallow again and the copilot’s eyelids fluttered. “Does hearing me say that make you feel funny?”

Finding it hard to speak, River simply nodded. “A nice kind of funny,” she finally managed to say breathlessly as her head tilted against Sarah’s fingers and her eyes closed.

“Now you know how I feel when you say things like that to me,” Sarah whispered. Her gaze slipped from River’s closed eyes to her slightly parted lips. Almost of their own volition, Sarah’s fingers eased through River’s hair before her hand curved around the back of the younger woman’s head, urging River closer.

“Knock, knock!”

The door opened just as Connor’s mouth brushed with a hint of heat over River’s. They both leaned back abruptly as Kaylee greeted them with a beaming smile.

“Mornin’,” the mechanic said cheerily. “Thought you both might still be cold. Brought you some mint tea.” She handed River and Connor steaming mugs. “I always like mint in the mornin’,” Kaylee continued when both women simply looked at her. “Freshens the breath and all.”

Connor snorted when she discerned Kaylee’s intent. “Remember what Zoe said about you and subtly?”

Kaylee merely grinned. “Drink up, ladies,” she said with a wink before spinning on a booted heel and almost hopping away.

Sniffing the contents of the cup curiously, River frowned. “Is Kaylee feeling all right?”

“I think what Kaylee is feeling is meddlesome,” Connor muttered with a minute headshake at the departed mechanic. Kaylee’s heart was in the right damn place, but her timing left something to be desired. Connor looked at River then, her green eyes immediately straying to the soft lips she’d been so close to sampling. She was going to have to blow up some part of Kaylee’s engine again as payback.

“Huh?”

Something about River’s response made Connor chuckle. She blew on the tea and took a tentative sip. Too bad the mechanic couldn’t have been five minutes sooner or later. She watched as River took a sip from her own mug. There was no awkwardness between them after the near kiss or the sharing of their demons the night before. Connor wasn’t sure what to make of that. The pilot studied River over the rim of her cup.

River licked her lips, clearly liking the hint of mint. “Oh,” she breathed, apparently understanding Kaylee’s intent with sudden enlightenment. She looked up at Sarah and her cheeks reddened. “I… she…” River cleared her throat and stared into the depths of her cup. “She should have come earlier.”

Taking another sip of her tea, Connor felt herself relax. “She should have, huh?” Connor asked teasingly.

Doe eyes lifted and captured Connor whole. The pilot felt her breath hitch again and her amusement evaporate, caught in the coils of heat that snaked low in her belly. She ran a hand through her hair; knew it was shaking. It was her turn to clear her throat and drop her gaze. “River…”

“Connor? You up?” Mal’s voice floated down the steps and a half second later his boots clamored down after it.

River smiled as Sarah groaned theatrically at the second interruption. She watched as the pilot raked a hand through her tousled brown hair again, her gaze following the path of Sarah’s fingers before shifting to the curve of her cheek and eventually trailing down her neck to stare at Sarah’s collarbone. A seductive thought flittered through River’s mind, making her choke on her tea, nearly spraying a mouthful of it all over the floor. Connor merely gave her an arched eyebrow in response, as if she knew exactly what River had been thinking.

Mal appeared in the doorway. “You ladies decent?”

River nodded quickly as she wiped at her bottom lip. She noticed Sarah’s gaze strayed to the action.

Connor wrenched her eyes off River and focused on Mal as the younger woman scrambled to her feet. “Never,” she replied deadpan. “But we’re dressed.”

Mal smirked, amused with the pilot’s response. “Need you up on the bridge. Got to get a proper move on, but we need to be keepin’ a close eye out for Alliance patrols.”

“I’ll be right there,” Connor promised.

Mal’s gaze shifted onto River, noting that she wouldn’t look at him or Connor. “The voices?”

“Quiet for now,” River replied.

“Just the way we like ‘em.” The captain paused. “They ain’t telling you to do… things… are they?”

“Things?” River looked at him blankly.

Mal heard Connor shift and he could feel her green eyes on his profile. “Things that convicts might… suggest…” he continued.

River looked like she wanted to roll her eyes at him. “Of course they are. They’re convicts.”

The captain blinked, finally looking at Connor who was frowning now. “And… are you interested in…”

“I’m ignoring them, Captain,” River cut him off. “They leave me alone as long as S…” River hesitated. “As long as Connor is around.” She shot the pilot an apologetic look for her near slip, but Sarah didn’t seem to notice.

Mal looked from one woman to the other. “Guess you should stick close then,” he told Connor.

“That was the plan,” the pilot admitted, disturbed by River’s revelation and wondering why she hadn’t thought to ask River all of this earlier.

Leaning forward into the small space, Mal sniffed at River’s cup. “That mint?” he asked in surprise.

“Kaylee,” Connor supplied, figuring it would tell Mal all he needed to know.

“Ah.” A smirk flickered across the captain’s features and he had to wipe a hand across his mouth to hide it. “How thoughtful.” He glanced at River, wondering if the younger woman understood what had driven Kaylee’s gesture. When he saw River blush adorably, he had his answer, and he felt his heart lighten just a bit. “I’ll see you on the bridge,” he told Connor, his voice unexpectedly gentle.

Connor pretended not to notice, dipping her head in agreement as Mal walked back the way he’d come. When the sound of his boots faded into the distance, Connor risked glancing up at River. The younger woman was back to studying the contents of her cup. “You okay?”

River reluctantly faced her. “Feels sort of funny.”

“What does?”

“That everyone suddenly seems to know what I’m thinking and feeling without me telling them. I thought I was the only one who could do that.”

The pilot swung her legs over the side of the bed and sat up, setting her mug on the table next to the bed. She watched River for a long moment. “Not exactly the same thing,” Connor promised her.

“I know.” River met Sarah’s gaze briefly before glancing back down at her mug. “I just… I’m used to keeping secrets. Mine and everyone else’s.” She took a shallow breath and smelled the pleasing scent of mint coupled with candle wax now hanging in the air. “I know everyone thinks I’m this… this open book because they think I say everything that comes to mind… everything I feel.”

“You don’t?” Connor’s voice was gently teasing as she picked up her pants and slipped them on.

River finally met Sarah’s gaze again and held it. Emotion welled up in her, so sweet and overwhelming she could barely think. She had to look away to breathe. “Not everything,” she finally admitted.

The air charged once more between them. River felt like something was physically pulling her toward the other woman and it almost hurt to deny the need to get closer. That need, though, was almost terrifying in its intensity. River had never wanted anything this much, and yet she didn’t really understand exactly what it was she was craving let alone what to do to sate it.

Feeling the tension between them rise to an almost painful level, Connor decided it was best to retreat for now. River clearly needed some more time to process all of this. “Finish your tea,” she instructed. “I’ll see you on the bridge.”

River nodded, watching in disappointment as Connor grabbed her remaining clothes and gun belt and started to leave. “Sarah?”

The pilot paused in the doorway and looked back at River expectantly as she buckled her belt.

Having recaptured the pilot’s attention, River didn’t know what to do with it. Words tangled on her tongue. “I just… you… I… I’ll see you in a few minutes,” River finally said in a rush, frowning at herself for not having the courage to say what she wanted to say. She wasn’t even sure what that was, only that things felt unfinished between them.

Connor nodded and turned, getting as far as the stairs.

“Sarah,” River called, setting down her mug and chasing after Connor to try again.

Grinning lightly to herself, Connor turned on the first step as River darted out of her room. “Yeah?” Her voice held a hint of humor.

“Um…” River motioned back at her quarters. “Did you… want your tea?”

The pilot’s grin got a little wider. “I’m good, thanks.”

River nodded, flustered by her inability to speak her mind. She knew what she wanted to do but her nerves were paralyzing her, tying her stomach and tongue up in knots.

“We’ll talk more later,” Connor promised her seriously.

“Okay,” River answered shyly. She watched as Sarah gave her one last lazy smile that made her heart jerk in her chest before the pilot turned and started up the steps. Later, River would wonder what came over her. She only knew she couldn’t let Sarah walk away that morning. Not yet.

“River,” Connor laughed the younger woman’s name as she was grabbed by her elbow and spun around on the stairs. She nearly lost her balance and stumbled down a step. “I need to…”

The rest of the pilot’s words caught in her throat as River stood up on tiptoe and soft lips covered Connor’s own. Shock and something sweeter rippled through her, and Connor’s hand came up to cradle River’s face only to find empty air as the younger woman staggered back, River’s normal grace suddenly absent.

Connor took in a deep breath and shivered. Fighting for control over her impulses, she set her desire aside to comfort the clearly rattled River. Connor climbed back down the stairs and approached the visibly shaking woman who was leaning against the wall with her arms wrapped around her waist.

“I…” River blinked and stared at the pilot, never having suspected her body would feel the way it did from such innocent contact. As much as she’d been yearning to kiss Sarah, she never thought it would feel different than kissing anyone else. “I just wanted to…” she tried to explain, finding it oddly hard to breathe as Sarah looked at her in a way that made her body feel like it was burning. “I just wanted to thank you…”

Reaching up, Connor finally made contact with River’s warm cheek and she shushed the co-pilot gently. “You did. It’s okay.”

“That… was not okay…” River whispered, her eyes pinning Sarah with a look. She felt Sarah’s touch still on her cheek.

“It wasn’t?” Connor asked, her voice sounding worried.

“That was a lot better than okay,” River informed the pilot before tilting her head and claiming Sarah’s mouth once more. Her hands bunched in the material of Sarah’s top, dragging the pilot in hard and close. She could smell Sarah’s skin, the scent of her hair, the mint on her breath. Sarah’s heat felt so good River wanted to melt into her.

The kiss intensified, making Connor’s legs go weak. She leaned into River, feeling the explosion of sensation as their bodies came in contact all down their length, the thin material of their clothing barely masking the softness of warm skin. Her hands went flat against the wall, before balling into fists, her knuckles scraping against the metal as she fought to keep her hands off the younger woman. It would be so easy to go too far too fast. River apparently had no such reservations as her right hand eased over Connor’s hip and tightened, pulling her impossibly closer as the co-pilot’s other hand curled behind Connor’s neck. When Connor felt the first curious brush of River’s tongue across her lower lip, her control began to unravel. River gasped against her mouth as the pilot finally surrendered to the inevitable, her fingers feathering soft caresses over River’s ribs.

A throat cleared and the two women snapped apart, turning to look up at a bemused Zoe.

“Morning,” the second-in-command greeted them both blithely from the top of the stairs. Her gaze flicked to the shell-shocked River who was reaching for Connor’s waist again. As she watched, Connor grabbed the younger Tam’s hand and held it, forcing River to behave. Zoe sternly told herself not to laugh at the blush heating the pilot’s cheeks. “Captain wants you on the bridge,” she told Connor.

Connor tossed her head back a little to clear a lock of hair from her eyes. She nodded. “He said as much.”

“Then you best get a move on,” Zoe said, feeling the urge to laugh get worse at the husky quality of Connor’s voice. Connor was going to kill her later for interrupting, but that was okay. It was worth it. Zoe made a mental note to chat with the pilot later. Connor was an old friend, but River was family and Zoe wanted to make sure that Connor didn’t push too hard.

Connor turned and looked at River. “I…” She closed her eyes and shook her head a little to clear it. Her body was barely controlled chaos, all heat, need and emotion clouding her brain and making her tremble with the rawness of it all. Finally she tugged on River’s hand, still firmly held in her own, bringing the younger woman closer and kissing her quickly and gently on the mouth. No point in pretending that Zoe hadn’t seen what she’d seen. “I’ll see you on the bridge,” she murmured in a quiet voice.

River could only nod and watch Sarah walk away.

Zoe waited until Connor was gone before hopping off the last step and sauntering closer to River. “You okay?”

River nodded again, more rapidly this time. Her doe eyes were wider than normal and her breathing sounded shallow.

“You seem a little…” Zoe searched for the word as she tilted her head and took in River’s dreamy expression. Had she ever looked like that with Wash? She sure as hell hoped not. She consoled herself with the knowledge that Mal would have teased her to no end if she had. “Come on. Let’s get a bite to eat.”

“Okay,” River replied distantly. They got two steps before River swooned and dropped like a sack of hammers.

Zoe caught her and didn’t bother to smother her laugh this time. “Yeah,” she drawled. “I thought that looked like a hell of a kiss.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please see chapter one for notes.

  
“What’s wrong?”

Inara’s low, worried voice made Zoe’s head lift from the task of fanning River back into consciousness. The second-in-command smiled up at the companion who was frozen on the steps at the sight she’d stumbled upon. “Not a thing,” Zoe promised her with a smirk. “Unless there is something bad about being kissed senseless.”

A hand flew to Inara’s mouth in surprise as she released a startled and delighted giggle. “No.”

“Yep.”

Inara quickly descended the steps and knelt next to the slowly waking River. “Where is Connor?” she asked as she glanced in River’s quarters for the pilot.

“Ushered her off to the bridge before clothes started coming off,” Zoe said in a droll tone. She watched with some enjoyment as Inara’s dark eyes danced at the news. “She didn’t see River faint. She’d be hovering if she had.”

River chose that moment to ease upright and blink at the two smiling women. Her brow furrowed as she studied them both, and she slowly came to the realization that she was on the floor with Zoe’s arms wrapped protectively around her. River could sense the source of their amusement and to her mortification she felt a blush heating her cheeks. “Shut up,” she grumbled at both of them before they could say a word.

Inara laughed out loud before reaching out and tucking a strand of hair behind River’s ear with affection. “Come now, River. Zoe and I don’t have any romantic entanglements of our own. Let us enjoy yours vicariously.” She met Zoe’s gaze over the younger woman’s head and was relieved to see mischief and amusement sparkling in the second-in-command’s eyes. It had been so long since she’d seen either in the other woman that Inara found her gaze lingering.

Zoe snorted as River scowled at them both. The effect was more adorable than it was daunting, even if River could take down a roomful of Reavers with her bare hands. “Can you stand?”

“Yes,” River promised petulantly and did so just to prove it, even though it required more help than she was happy accepting. She tucked her own hair behind her ears and studied the floor.

“River,” Inara said a little more seriously as she used her fingers to lift the younger woman’s chin. “Are you sure you’re all right? You don’t have to rush into anything…”

“I started it,” River replied with a roll of her eyes. She moved her face away from Inara’s touch and started toward the stairs, hoping she could make a clean getaway and get to the bridge.

“River,” Zoe said seriously as the girl started up the steps. She waited until River had turned to look at her. “You know we worry because we care.”

The younger Tam sighed and appeared contrite. “I just… it caught me off guard.”

“Connor kissing you?” Zoe asked.

“The way it felt when she kissed me,” River clarified.

“Pretty intense, huh?” Inara guessed.

“I fainted,” River reminded them.

Inara and Zoe chuckled at River’s reply.

“Wish someone would kiss me like that,” Inara said with humor but there was a wistful tone to her voice.

Zoe shivered for some reason. She cleared her throat. “Come on. You’re going to tell us all about kissing our erstwhile pilot over breakfast.”

“Do I have to?” River whined.

“Yes,” Inara and Zoe confirmed as a chorus.

River scowled again and started back up the steps. Sarah was going to think she’d done something wrong when River didn’t show in the next few minutes. She just knew it.

“Should I get Kaylee?” Inara asked Zoe with a knowing grin, ignoring River’s exasperated sigh.

****

The wait was driving her crazy.

Connor had thought River would have been a few minutes behind her in getting to the bridge. That had been an hour ago. Now Connor was sure she had every bolt, scuff, dent and fabric tear of River’s chair memorized she’d glanced at it so many damn times. Setting her jaw, the pilot wrenched her gaze off the empty seat and focused on the viewport. Blackness looked back, not even a pinprick of a star or planet on the horizon to take her mind off her absent co-pilot.

Rubbing her now aching forehead, Connor chastised herself once more for kissing River the way she had. She’d lost control and had probably freaked the younger woman out. The pilot glanced over her shoulder, wishing someone would come up to the bridge to spell her for a few minutes while she sought River out and tried to make things right.  
She shifted in her chair, feeling like she was chained to it. Her thoughts raced from one end of the spectrum to the other, bouncing between anger at herself and remembering how gorram good that kiss had felt and how much she desperately wanted to kiss River again.

“Hell with this,” Connor finally grumbled, unsnapping her harness and standing up. The damn ship could stay on autopilot for five minutes. She turned and nearly ran right into the subject of her thoughts.

“Hi,” River greeted her shyly.

Connor opened her mouth only to close it. Her gaze dipped down and she noted River’s bare feet with some relief. She told herself that’s why she hadn’t heard the younger woman come up the steps and walk up right behind her. “How long were you standing there?”

“Not long,” River admitted, but didn’t elaborate further. “Is something wrong?”

Blinking, Connor tried to think clearly now that River was suddenly, and unexpectedly, in front of her. She shook her head. “Uh… no… I was just…” She waved toward the crew quarters.

“You were coming to check on me,” River guessed as a slow, sweet smile graced her lips.

Connor cleared her throat and hitched her thumbs in her front pockets. “Maybe.” Feeling foolish now, she had to fight the urge to get snappish.

“I’m sorry I kept you waiting.” River itched to touch the pilot again but she knew this wasn’t the time or place. She started to move past Sarah only to have the other woman gently grab her arm.

“Are we okay?” Connor asked, her green gaze intense as she studied River’s features. “If I did something…”

Maybe it was the time and place, River decided as she leaned forward and silenced the pilot with a quick, soft kiss. “I liked everything you did,” River promised seriously, her usually melodic voice dropping a few octaves. “And I hope you want to do it again.”

Connor covered the sudden, uncharacteristic weakness in her knees by slumping back into the pilot’s chair. “That’s good,” she replied, slightly out of breath.

River smiled to herself as she moved closer, letting her hand slide along the back of Sarah’s chair, her fingers lingering near the heat of the pilot’s back. “It’s really hard not to touch you all of a sudden,” River confessed innocently.

Privately, Connor thought it had been pretty damn hard to keep her hands off River before their first kiss. Now it was proving almost impossible. Her grip tightened on the helm and she cleared her throat again, focusing on the monitors, ignoring River’s comment for now. “We made some good time once Kaylee brought the engine back on-line. Mal thought four days with us having to dodge patrols. Looks like we’ll be there in less than one now.”

Yielding to her body’s demands, River let her hand slip from the seat to rest on Sarah’s back, under the fall of her soft, dark hair. She felt the pilot swallow at the contact, and experimentally, River began to let her fingers brush a slow trail up Sarah’s spine.

“We’re on the bridge, River,” Connor said with a hint of pleading in her voice.

“I saw Wash and Zoe kissing on the bridge all the time.”

Connor tipped her head back to look up at the younger woman. “When they needed to keep their eyes open for Alliance patrols?”

River’s hand fell away and she took on a grumpy expression that was so damn cute Connor wanted to laugh. Instead, the pilot focused back on the radar. “Maybe you need a cold shower,” she suggested with a quirk of her lips.

Pursing her lips, River chose to say nothing. She tilted her head when she saw an image on one of Sarah’s screens. “What’s that?”

“Our destination.” Connor punched the image up full so that it filled all of her monitors.

The planet was ghostly blue, rimmed with rings of ice that reflected faint light from its distant sun. It was haunting and beautiful to behold, but River knew beneath its evocative exterior was a cold, brutal existence for the men that called the rocky planet home.

Sadness welled inside her as she stared at the monitors, feeling an answering ache as the souls she carried stirred at the sight. The image of the planet darkened, the rings turning red as River watched, transfixed. Screams began to creep in at the edges of her mind, men’s final pleas silenced mid-cry and ending in a bloody, ragged gurgle. River started to shiver as the cold crept up through her feet, chilling her calves before crawling up her thighs. A strangled sound escaped her.

“River!” Connor yelled the younger woman’s name for the third time. When there was no response again, she pivoted on her foot and started yelling for help. She heard boots pounding along the grating in the crew quarters and tore her gaze away from River’s glassy, unblinking stare as Kaylee bounded up onto the bridge.

“What’s wrong?” Kaylee asked fearfully, only to have her gaze latch onto River and understanding dawn instantly. “Oh no. I’ll get Simon.” She scampered away.

Connor twisted River away from the screens and cupped her face between her palms. River seemed to look right through her, the younger woman’s body beginning to shudder more violently. Her lips were turning blue and her breath actually fogged in the air between them. River had scared her before, but nothing like this. “River,” Connor called again, her voice more desperate. “Come back to me here.”

River’s features contorted and she took a step away from the pilot, banging into the helm. “No,” she whimpered. “Something…”

Undeterred, Connor closed the distance between them again, gripping River’s wrists as the younger woman started to flail her arms like she was warding off an attacker. “Damn it, River,” Connor snapped, taking a slight cuff to the jaw.

River twisted, seeing the glint of light off a blade as it came streaking from nowhere only to disappear into the recesses of her mind. The screams grew louder, more horrific, as she tried to curl up into a ball and hide, but something had a hold of her, something that wouldn’t let her go. River sagged when she felt a fevered and warped mind touch her own, thick thoughts of blood and lust slipping over her brain like a slithering snake.

“What’s going on?” Mal demanded as he clambered up the steps followed closely by an armed Jayne.

“I don’t know,” Connor said as she continued to struggle with River. “She saw a picture of the planet then…” The pilot shook her head. “Where is Simon?” she demanded.

Mal moved closer, edging Sarah aside and gripping River’s shoulders. “Little Albatross? Tell me what you see.”

“Mal,” Connor spat.

“Tell me what you see,” Mal said again, ignoring Connor and her anger.

“Ice. Blood. It’s everywhere.” River’s voice shook and her teeth started to chatter. “They’re all dead. All dead. All dead.” She finally went still, pressing her back against the flight console.

“What killed ‘em, River?” Mal asked, aware of Zoe and Inara’s arrival by the familiar sounds of their footfalls. “Can you see?”

River tried to pull away from him as tears spilled from her eyes.

“That’s enough,” Connor said tightly. The pilot felt Zoe take her elbow and she shook the grip off. “Leave her be, Mal.”

Mal ignored her. “Tell me, River.” His voice was low and in command, cold and calculated to Connor’s heat and anger.

“Tore up. All tore up. Sliced to shreds. Chewed and spat out.” River’s hands came up and covered her ears. “Make it stop…”

Zoe’s grip latched onto Connor again and tightened. “Easy,” she warned the pilot when Connor tried to go to River again.

“What tore ‘em up, River?” Mal asked calmly.

Brown eyes rose and locked on Mal’s and he saw the insanity in them. He flinched at the sight, but hardened his heart to it. “What tore ‘em up, River?” he repeated.

“Can’t see… dark here. But it’s there. Waiting. Waiting. Hungry.”

“ _Hungry?_ ” Jayne said into the sudden silence. “I really don’t like the sound of that.”

“Jayne,” Inara shushed him, but she gripped his arm for support.

“I can hear it. It’s tearing… eating.” River’s face contorted into another grimace. “Oh God…”

“That’s enough!” Sarah shook off Zoe and shoved Mal out of the way just as Kaylee arrived with Simon. She reached River and wrapped her hand behind the younger woman’s neck, drawing her in close.

“Sarah,” River gasped as her hands suddenly came up and clenched in the pilot’s coat.

If Connor cared that her first name was now out in the open, she didn’t show it. She pulled River tighter. “Right here. It’s okay.” She wasn’t sure which of them was shaking harder.

“Sarah,” Mal murmured, staring at the pilot strangely. He frowned.

“What happened?” Simon asked as he threaded through the crew to reach his sister.

A soft sob from River froze them all in place. Inara moved first, coming closer, running her hand through the younger woman’s soft hair as a way to soothe them both. Her gaze met Connor’s in empathy. “You’re safe, River.”

“No one is ever safe,” Connor replied automatically, but her voice was without recrimination.

“Okay,” Zoe spoke since no one else seemed to have a mind to. “Let’s not panic here.”

“Little late for that,” Jayne snapped back. “Crazy girl is talking about hungry things… chewin’ things…”

They all stood in silence, the only sound the hum of the engines, their labored breathing, and the softly crying River.

“Nobody has to go planet-side that don’t want to,” Mal finally told them. Forcing his crew to go would only get him resentment and possibly killed. Those who were crazy enough to come with him needed to believe in what they were doing. They had to believe the risk was worth it. His gaze darted to Connor. “I’m guessing I couldn’t keep you on the bridge if I tied you to your chair.”

Connor didn’t bother to answer him. All she cared about was comforting River. She tightened her grip on the younger woman, pulling her closer as River willingly melted against her.

“I have to go.” River told them, sanity abruptly back and clear in her voice. She lifted her head and looked at Simon over Sarah’s shoulder, her eyes rimmed with red, daring him to protest, but her brother said nothing. His gaze dropped and he sighed. “It’s the only way to end this.”

Jayne snarled. “Fine,” he groused. “I’ll go. But if I get ‘et, I’m gonna be pissed.”

****

“You’re not going.”

Inara glanced up and found Zoe in her doorway. The second-in-command looked righteous in her anger, her sharp cheekbones more pronounced as she clenched her jaw. “I’m going,” Inara promised her. “Nothing you can say will change that.” She went back to laying out the clothes she was going to change into for Nix, trying to find the attire that would keep her as warm as possible but still allow her the freedom to move easily if she needed to do so.

Zoe put her hands on her hips and watched the companion. She was afraid for all of her shipmates, but something was curdling in her stomach at the thought of Inara going down into that cold hell. “Nix is no place for you, Inara.”

“It’s no place for any of us,” Inara answered hotly. “I don’t much want you to go, either,” she announced before spinning to face Zoe again. “That enough to get you to stay on-board?”

Zoe sighed and stepped into the companion’s shuttle. “I’m a soldier…” she began.

“You’re a friend,” Inara cut her off, her voice breaking a little. She watched as Zoe’s gaze snapped up to her face and stayed there. “Wash wasn’t the only person on-board that cared about you, Zoe.”

Tension rose between them, and Zoe could feel it creeping into her muscles, tightening them almost painfully. “What do you want from me?” Zoe asked, and as soon as the words were past her lips, she understood she was curious about more answers to that question than just the obvious.

“I want you to live,” Inara said after a moment of lingering in Zoe’s intense regard. “I want all of us to live through this.” She shook her head. “Could you stay behind and do nothing? At least Kaylee has a purpose. She can fly us out of here. I would just be pacing the catwalks worrying about you.”

“About me?” Zoe asked, her voice sharpening.

Inara sucked down a startled breath and hoped Zoe didn’t noticed. “All of you,” she corrected, trying to keep her voice casual. Confusion clouded her mind when she realized it was, in fact, Zoe that she was worried about most.

Zoe carefully came closer, glancing down at the bed at the items Inara had laid out. “None of this will work,” she said in a subdued tone, her fingers brushing down a silk sleeve where it rested on the satin of Inara’s bed.

The companion’s gaze was riveted on Zoe’s profile. “I don’t have anything else.”

“Might have something that will fit you,” Zoe admitted reluctantly. She looked up into Inara’s eyes at close range. “I don’t want you to do this.”

“I know,” Inara admitted. “I don’t want you to do this, either.”

“Gorram, Alliance,” Zoe spat when the silence between them began to stretch and thicken. She turned away and moved back to the door. “I’ll bring you a few things in a bit.”

“I would appreciate that,” Inara replied sincerely. She watched Zoe go, the other woman not bothering to even say goodbye. The companion’s fingertips slipped down the sleeve Zoe had touched a few minutes before. She tried to imagine she could still feel Zoe’s heat on the soft fabric. What she was beginning to feel was dangerous. It could only cause hurt. But a part of her held fiercely to the awakening truth inside her, not ready to let go of the dreams she hadn’t given herself permission to dream until now.

****

“Kaylee?”

The mechanic raised her head up from under the engine. She was giving it one more going over before they arrived, making sure Serenity was in the best possible shape before they entered Nix’s orbit. She discovered Simon in the doorway and managed a smile for him. “Hey.”

“Hi.” Simon drudged up a grin of his own. “I know you’re busy. I just… I needed to…”

“I was gonna come by in a spell,” Kaylee informed him as she dropped a wrench into a nearby toolbox and stood up fully. “Don’t want us to still be fightin’ when we get there.”

Both knew how things could end. There was no need to say the fears aloud. Simon moved closer, a small bag in his hands.

“I don’t want that either,” Simon agreed with a relieved sigh. “I’m sorry that I upset you. That wasn’t my intention.”

“And I took it personal when I shouldn’t have,” Kaylee admitted. Her eyes dipped to the bag. “What’s that?”

“It’s for you,” Simon admitted as he shuffled a little closer. He swallowed nervously.

“Not really hungry,” Kaylee confessed assuming the contents were food.

“Good. You wouldn’t want to eat this,” Simon said with a faint smile. “I keep trying to find the time and the courage to give this to you… but I always seem to lack both.” He handed her the bag. “Do me a favor and open that after we leave, okay?”

Kaylee glanced up from the bag to Simon with some confusion. “What is it?”

“You’ll see,” he promised her. “And when I get back… there is a question I need to ask you that goes with what’s in that bag.”

Kaylee frowned in confusion and started to open the small sack. “Why don’t I just…” Simon’s hand came to rest over hers and she stopped.

“Please… wait until we’re off the ship. I think it might be the only way I can do this.” Simon dipped his head and kissed her, lingering for long moments as Kaylee leaned into him and the kiss deepened. It was an unexpected gift, both Kaylee’s forgiveness and her welcome touch, and both were strong reminders of why he needed to survive the hell he was about to rush into. He had something and someone to live for, a future he’d never imagined for himself, but one he was now eager to embrace.

“Okay,” Kaylee finally agreed when they parted. “Simon, I…”

“We’ll have plenty to talk about when we’re all back on the ship,” Simon said. He kissed her gently on the forehead, breathing her in before he turned to go.

“You better make it back,” Kaylee called after him with hallow bravado. “You don’t want me bein’ the one who has to rescue you.”

Simon turned back. “Yeah,” he agreed. “You don’t have your pigs this time.”

Kaylee smiled as he winked at her and left. She looked down at the bag, testing its weight a little. For the life of her, she couldn’t figure out what was in it. She brought it to her nose and sniffed it, smelling nothing but the grease and oil on her hands. With a shrug, she set it aside for later and got back to work.

****

For the remaining hours, the crew did their level best to forget everything River had revealed on the bridge. Kaylee continued to pamper the engines, oiling them and tightening every bolt and screw in reach.

Simon packed and repacked his medical kit, finally deciding to leave out all but one vial of River’s medicine. Connor seemed to be the thing his sister needed most right now, and the rest of the crew might need the heat packs more.

Mal pawed through his belongings, looking for the one pair of long johns he knew he had tucked away somewhere. He finally found them, torn and slightly tattered in the back of a drawer. He sniffed them carefully, deciding they were acceptable before turning his focus on finding a needle and thread.

Jayne primed his weapons, laying them all out on his bed and trying to decide how many he could carry and still move quickly. Whether Mal liked it or not, he was taking his grenades.

Inara wrote in her journal, pouring her fears out on paper as she waited for Zoe to return. She finally paused, flexing her cramping hand, and reread what she’d written. She sighed knowingly when she saw how often the second-in-command was mentioned in her thoughts.

Zoe lifted the lid on a trunk she hadn’t opened in years. She dropped to her knees, breathing in the smell of her husband that still clung to his clothes. Her fingers brushed over the fabrics and she closed her eyes when she felt the tears threaten. The smell brought back the sound of his voice; the feel of his hair as her hands would tunnel through it. Wash didn’t need any of this anymore, but Inara did. Slowly, Zoe started to sort through the shirts and pants, looking for the cold weather gear her husband had always kept on hand. She knew in her heart Wash would understand.

****

A tense calm had descended on the crew of Serenity for the last few hours. Connor wished it could last. She’d give damn near anything to keep River from what was coming. The temptation to lock the younger woman away somewhere until this was over was making her twitch.

She sighed and checked her pistols one more time, spinning the barrel of each and making sure they were fully loaded before sliding them back in their holsters. She had a knife in a small sheath on her belt and a third pistol strapped to her ankle. Connor considered moving the holster to outside her pant leg since she had on so many damn layers between her and the gun. Someone could easily shoot her in the time it took to wrestle the weapon loose.

Nix loomed ahead in the viewport, and Connor eyed the planet with apprehension she couldn’t shake. She didn’t have to be a psychic like River to know they were going to walk into something horrible. Connor wished she could turn the clock back twenty four hours so she could wake up with River in her arms, and this time she wouldn’t let the younger woman out of bed.

“It’s pretty,” River whispered as she slipped an arm around Sarah’s waist.

Connor sighed. One hand was now resting next to the viewport as she stood and watched the planet draw closer. She welcomed River’s arrival and her heat even more. “If you like icy cold planets of death,” she drawled and was rewarded with a light chuckle from River a second before the younger woman inched closer, nestling against her without hesitation. The pilot closed her eyes and soaked her in, knowing they were almost out of time. In less than half an hour, they’d be on the surface. She took this moment of heaven and held tight to it before they all had to walk into hell. Connor licked her lips. “Any more visions?” she asked softly, relieved that River had seemingly returned to normal quickly after her earlier episode.

River shook her head. “Nothing useful anyway,” she admitted, her voice faint.

“More blood and ice?” Connor guessed.

“Yeah.”

The pilot let her hand drop from the bulkhead and wrapped her arm around River, pulling her closer. The younger woman was dressed warmly, thick pants and solid boots on display beneath her buttoned leather jacket. Connor actually thought River looked rather dashing and badass in the gear. Her lips quirked. “Blood and ice I can handle.”

“And whatever is alive down there?” River inquired, her gaze focused on the planet.

“I’ll happily let Jayne and one of his grenades take care of that.”

River smiled again, turning her head where it rested on Sarah’s shoulder and laying a gentle kiss on the pilot’s neck. She felt Sarah shiver in reaction, and her smile turned more sensual. It was hard to believe she could have such a physical effect on such a beautiful woman, and it filled River with an odd sense of seductive power. “You always know how to make me smile.”

They were quiet a moment.

“I wish you didn’t have to do this,” Connor confessed.

“Easier for me than you,” River replied. “I know what’s down there. I’ve seen it and worse in my dreams… carried the images in my mind.” She sighed a little.

“Still no idea what the Alliance is up to?” Connor wondered.

River shook her head again. “You cloud everything up,” she whispered. “You keep the bad stuff away… but sometimes the bad stuff tells me things. Not that I ever seem to be able to make sense of them.”

Connor considered that. “You telling me I should stay away from you?” she asked softly.

“Please don’t,” River answered readily. “I almost feel normal when I’m with you. Like I’m balanced.”

The pilot felt the sudden fear that had coiled in her stomach unwind. “Want to know a secret?”

River nodded.

“You do the same for me.”

River slowly eased back, bringing one hand up to cradle Sarah’s face and easing the pilot closer so she could kiss her with simple, quiet passion. Sarah’s hands rested in the small of River’s back before inching upward, her fingertips sending electric currents through River’s body. River pressed closer, feeling everything fall away for several long, sweet moments.

A throat cleared and they parted reluctantly.

“Really hope this isn’t gonna be a habit,” Zoe announced from the steps. “Me interrupting, not you two kissing,” she felt the need to explain with a weak smile.

Connor snorted softly in amusement. “Time to go?”

“Time to go,” Zoe confirmed as she stepped aside and made room for Kaylee. “You okay to land this bird?” she asked the mechanic.

“If I didn’t always have to fix her, I’d be flyin’ her,” Kaylee promised them, a small bag clutched in one fist as she settled into the pilot’s chair.

“Take care of her, Kaylee,” Connor said as she took River’s hand and they followed Zoe down the steps.

“Take care of yourselves,” Kaylee whispered when she was alone.

****

The cold awaited them.

The surface sheets of ice and snow. The breath-robbing temperatures that could literally chill a man’s blood. And, of course, the hundreds and hundreds of cold, still bodies.

Would there be blood everywhere? Would it be spattered on the walls, temporarily melting a thin layer of ice with heat before succumbing to the inevitable and freezing into the frost?

The former Operative found it likely as he mused about his current destination. The crew of Serenity was no doubt preparing for their departure right about now. Mal had wisely brought his ship in on the light side of the planet, the prison colony being the lone structure hidden in the shadows on the other. Two Alliance cruisers hovered there, and he knew they would take few precautions in regards to unwanted ships in this sector.

No one came to Nix unless they did so in shackles on a prison transport, and those transports had been halted until further notice. That was just one of the many reasons the planet was perfect for the Alliance’s little experiment. According to his sources, it had worked… but it had been far more violent than the doctors and scientists had anticipated. Obviously, he thought, Parliament would never learn to leave well enough alone.

He spared a moment to wish that he could see Mal’s face when he discovered the carnage that was sure to greet him. And River… how would she handle the sight of all those bodies belonging to the souls he was sure were in her head now? Not that he wished them ill will. Far from it, in fact. He was simply fascinated with them all to varying degrees, and merely wondered how they would endure this latest test of their mettle.

It wouldn’t be long now until he joined the little firefly’s crew he thought with a faint smile as he detected the first hints of the ice rings that surrounded the ghostly blue planet. Nix was actually quite beautiful when you looked at nothing but the surface. It was rather like the Alliance that way.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please see chapter one for notes.

Serenity sat silently, the usual hum of her engines deathly quiet. Through the viewport, Kaylee watched the shuttle speed away, its running lights off and the bottom of the hull mere feet from the icy drifts below. It wasn’t cold on the bridge, not yet, but Kaylee tightened her heavy coat around her waist and shivered anyway.

She leaned forward in the pilot’s seat, taking note of the pale, large moon that hung in the night sky. It lit the snow below, making it sparkle and shine in a way that would have been beautiful had Kaylee been unaware of the surface’s purpose. To keep people from running. To kill them if they did.

A soft blip from the radar next to her made her turn her head, but when she looked at the screen there was nothing there. Kaylee frowned in confusion. “Not alone five minutes and I’m already startin’ to lose my mind,” she murmured, her voice sounding unnaturally loud in the quiet. The sound of it actually spooked her a little.

Her gaze went to the bag Simon had left with her and she picked it up, hearing the crinkle as it folded under her fingers. She tested its weight again and was still stumped as to what could be inside it. With a sigh, she clutched the bag to her chest, crushing the outside until she could feel a small, square-like shape against the center of her sternum. She knew she could open it now, but she decided to wait a little bit longer. If it was something good, Kaylee didn’t want to wait so long to give Simon a proper thank you.

Smiling a little at the saucy turn her thoughts abruptly took, Kaylee decided there were worse ways to spend the time than thinking about enjoyable ways to warm up.

****

“Anything?” Mal waited as Zoe held up a scanner near the shuttle door and Connor finished a sweep with the ship’s sensors. They’d landed five minutes ago and had waited to power down before saying a word. The whole crew was motionless, all of them standing save River and Sarah who sat in the co-pilot’s and pilot’s seats respectively. Outside, the wind was picking up, whipping ice and snow against the hull and already coating the viewport with white.

“Clear,” Connor said in a quiet voice. “If the Alliance detected our presence, they aren’t showing it.”

“Or they don’t care,” Inara murmured as Sarah got to her feet. “Maybe they’re preparing to blast the planet out of the black.”

“And ain’t you just a ray of sunshine,” Mal countered with a frown at the companion.

River’s lips curved slightly but she didn’t smile as she unhooked her harness and stood. Having Sarah so close was keeping her steady, but she could feel madness creeping in around the edges of her mind. When she felt the heat of Sarah’s hand on her shoulder, she looked up gratefully into the pilot’s beautiful green eyes. “I’m okay,” she promised, suddenly feeling everyone’s gaze on her. “But I’d really like to get this over with.”

“Somethin’ we can agree on,” Jayne grumbled. With a look to Zoe who nodded and put the handheld scanner away, Jayne wrenched open the shuttle door and cautiously stuck his head out. He took a quick sniff of the cold air then abruptly slapped a hand over his nose.

“What’s wrong?” Simon asked in alarm.

“Think my nose hairs just froze and fell off,” Jayne complained. “Burns like a bitch.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a yellow and orange knitted cap that he promptly slapped on his head.

Connor paused at the sight of it but chose not to comment.

“His mother made it,” River said in a low tone to the pilot.

“What?” Jayne grumped when he caught them looking.

Learning from Jayne’s mistake, everyone wrapped their scarves around their noses and mouths before stepping out into the biting wind and snow. As soon as their feet touched down, red lamps came on in two parallel lines, melting the snow almost instantly and lighting a path to the door.

“Handy,” Zoe shouted over the wind to Mal.

“Less talkin’ and more walkin’,” Jayne urged them, plowing through the thick snow and squinting as slivers of ice stung his eyes.

“Can’t argue with him there,” Connor admitted as she hustled after him, a shotgun now in hand. She had another slung over her back. River stayed close behind her, and Connor hoped she was cutting at least a little of the wind and chill for the younger woman.

Zoe could feel sweat trickling down her spine from her layers upon layers of clothes that made her feel tight and awkward to move. She was beginning to worry she’d overdressed until the first blast of icy wind rushed over her. Gasping, Zoe lowered her head and struggled after Jayne. Her gaze sought out Inara to see how she was holding up, hoping that Wash’s clothes were keeping the companion warm. Inara looked unhappy as the snow whipped about her face, but she wasn’t shaking, and Zoe decided that had to be good enough under the circumstances.

Shivering, Mal moved past Jayne once they’d reached the door and used the codes Raggley had sent them in a wave. To his pleasant surprise and relief, the lock beeped and the light turned green before disengaging and allowing them to enter. He owed Raggley one. Mal let his crew hurry inside before stepping in behind them and sealing the door.

Inside it was still cold, but the wind was gone, only a muted howling beyond the door to remind them what awaited them on their return. The captain peeled his scarf away from his face, wincing a little as it stuck to his damp skin. Feeling an unnatural stillness from his people, Mal glanced over his shoulder. What he saw made his last meal try to crawl out his throat. He swallowed.

“Dear God.” Inara’s hissed words summed up everything they were all feeling. No sooner were they through the first door than they’d discovered enough bodies to trip over.

Simon grabbed River, yanking her behind him in an attempt to shield her from the carnage. Her boots clanged on the metal catwalk underfoot, slipping a little in the blood that had been sprayed all over it. The prisoners looked as if they’d been ripped apart. Blood and bone were splattered against the icy walls, the copper smell pungent in the tight space. They were so many dismembered parts lying about that the doctor couldn’t count how many dead he was seeing.

“They’re in my head, Simon,” River told him with more remorse for him than herself. “I’ve already felt how they died. It doesn’t get worse than that.”

Connor’s jaw set at the words, but for once, she was in agreement with Simon. She didn’t want River to see this. “You should go back to the shuttle.”

River shook her head, her stubborn will reflected in her dark eyes. “Need to do this as much as you do,” she informed all of them. A tiny swallow was the only outward sign that she was affected by what she was seeing.

Their gazes fenced for a long moment before Connor forced her eyes away, her gaze landing on Mal who pursed his lips and gave her a tight nod. “We stick together as long as we can,” he announced. “And she might be able to do us some good,” he added in a softer voice.

Connor knew he was right but she didn’t have to like it. The pilot yanked her scarf away from her face as Zoe took another reading from her handheld scanner. All of them were wearing recording devices attached to their clothing. Everyone would know the horror they’d seen here if any of them had anything to say about it.

River inched behind Sarah again, needing to feel her close.

Zoe shook her head and turned off the scanner. “Nothing in the air,” she murmured quietly. “Not that we expected there to be.”

“Ain’t air that tore up these men,” Jayne said in a subdued voice.

Zoe twitched when she felt a touch ease around her bicep. She turned her head and noticed the companion’s fingers had a death grip on her arm. Inara gave her a sheepish look.

“I’m sticking with you,” Inara said to Zoe.

“Safer with me,” Jayne added like he was affronted. “I’m the one with all the guns.”

“Zoe’s the one who knows how to use them,” Inara answered readily.

A smirk was almost rung out of Zoe, but she thinned her lips and shook her head. “Well I’m sticking with Jayne,” she said with the tiniest hint of humor, her hand lifting unconsciously to cover Inara’s. “He does have the most firepower.”

Jayne looked like he was going to stick his tongue out at the companion.

Connor shook her head at their antics and began shoving through them, cocking the shotgun in her hands as she went. River quickly followed, latching onto the back of Connor’s coat so she wouldn’t lose her.

“We’ll just be going that way,” Mal said as he pointed after the pair. He winced and stepped over a body, slipping a little on something he didn’t want to examine too closely. Pride was the only thing that kept his stomach from heaving at the smell.

Everyone fixed their eyes forward on the back in front of them as they moved through ice and death.

“Guess this is what everyone means when they say a cold day in hell,” Jayne muttered as he brought up the rear.

****

It took ten minutes before they reached a point where they could no longer continue on together. Mal sighed and took in both hallways. Metal doors lined each corridor, seemingly inserted into the ice. Thin strips of red lamps, similar to the ones they’d seen outside, lined the hallway and cast an eerie, demonic glow off the surfaces. The splashes of blood didn’t help.

Everywhere they went there were bodies. Something had torn the prisoners apart with a violence Mal only knew one species capable of committing. “We thinking Reavers, yet?” he asked the others.

Connor glanced around, assessing and processing what she’d seen. “Sure as hell seems like their handiwork.”

Zoe looked at River where the younger woman was practically glued to the pilot’s back. “River? You sensin’ Reavers?”

River shook her head only to hesitate. “Like them,” she said slowly. “All hunger and want… lust and need.”

“But?” Connor asked, turning her head so she could see River’s features.

“This is more controlled,” River whispered.

“Controlled?” Jayne grumbled. “Ain’t you seen what we been steppin’ over?”

“Controlled how?” Connor asked, ignoring the mercenary for now.

River shook her head, frustration clear in her eyes. “Can’t pin it down. Not yet.”

Mal raked a hand through his hair an eyed their options. “Okay,” he murmured. “We’re gonna have to part ways a bit. Connor, River, Jayne, Simon… you go right. Me, Zoe, and Inara will go left.”

The division of personnel seemed acceptable to everyone and they moved to their respective halls. Mal pulled out his radio. “Keep ‘em on. You run into trouble and you start hollering real loud-like.”

“Not a problem.” With two simultaneous clicks, Jayne slid the hammer back on the gun in his right hand while snapping on a flashlight with the other. He started off down his assigned corridor without a backwards glance.

Mal looked at River. “You protect ‘em all, little Albatross,” he ordered with a half-hearted wink that managed to release a tiny grin from River in return.

“Okay,” River simply vowed as she watched her friends move off into the darkness. She frowned.

“You all right?” Connor asked her. “You sensing something?”

“Just don’t like splitting up,” River admitted. “Nothing good can come of it.” She pivoted on her boot and followed Jayne, leaving Connor and Simon to exchange worried glances.

“You’ll get used to the cryptic comments,” Simon informed the pilot with a weak smile.

Connor shook her head. “I think I already am.” She moved off after River as Simon brought up the rear.

****

Another door. Another round of security codes. Mal eased through and peered around the corner. He hadn’t much wanted to enter the code this time, not with the blood that had been smeared all over the keypad. Wiping his hand on his trousers, he hoped he appeared casual about it.

“Anything, sir?” Zoe asked.

“More of the same,” Mal admitted. “Looks like a lab. Maybe an infirmary. Got some gurneys in there.”

“There are no guards,” Inara abruptly realized.

Mal and Zoe looked at her in confusion.

“No guards,” Inara said again as she waved her hand at the dead. “Everyone has been in this dark blue clothing,” she pointed out, indicating the nearest mutilated body with the tow of her foot. “I can’t imagine the guards wore the same thing.”

Zoe and Mal looked at each other. “They’d have been in some version of Alliance uniform,” Zoe agreed. “Thicker for certain, but it would have screamed Alliance.”

“No guards,” Mal murmured, wondering what it meant. He motioned for the other two women to walk through the open door with his gun before shutting it behind him.

“Maybe they all escaped,” Inara ventured as she stepped over another body. Thankfully, there seemed to be a few less in their current location. She could actually smell antiseptic and not just blood. “Maybe the Alliance came in and rescued them.”

Zoe snorted. “They ain’t gonna risk any good men to save guards in this cold hell.” Her flashlight beam wandered over something and slowly crept back there. “What is that?”

Two more beams joined hers to light up a small satchel sitting on a metal table.

“Got Alliance insignias on it.” Mal moved toward it at a brisk trot. “Science division,” he added when he got a closer look at the seal. He shone his flashlight into the open kit.

“Anything interesting?” Inara asked.

“Just that it’s here is interesting,” Zoe informed her. “Prison colony got no need for scientists.”

Mal rooted around in the bag and produced a handful of small vials containing a clear, water-like liquid. “Wonder what this is?” He held it up into the beam of Zoe’s flashlight.

“Nothing we should open here,” Zoe told him when it looked like Mal was going to do just that.

“Excellent point.” Mal stuffed the vials back in the bag, handling them a little more cautiously this time. He glanced around, trying to discern where they should investigate next. There didn’t seem to be anything especially telling in the infirmary. Just lots of gurneys and metal tray tables.

“Where are the scientists? The doctors?” Inara wondered.

They heard a deep clang from the bowels of the prison that seemed to vibrate through the floor and up through their legs, making all of them jump a little in surprise. Their flashlight beams jerked off the walls and empty patient beds.

“What was that?” Inara asked in a sharp voice, instinctively moving closer to Zoe.

“Nothin’ good, I’d wager,” Mal declared. “Sounded a bit like docking clamps.” Coming to a swift decision, he zipped up the satchel and slung it over his shoulder. “We’ll have the doc look this all over. Ain’t going to mean much to the likes of us anyway.”

“Sounds like a plan, sir,” Zoe agreed, feeling the sudden uptick in Mal’s urgency. She jerked her light toward a set of double doors in the back. “What do you think? Morgue?”

Mal hesitated before pursing his lips in a tight line and adjusting the grip on his gun. “Only one way to find out.” He moved forward with determined steps only to stop when he heard no one behind him. The captain looked back to find Zoe and Inara exactly where he left them. “Um…” He waved his pistol in a beckoning manner.

“Only takes one to look,” Zoe informed him blithely, uninterested in moving and not sure Inara would let her. The companion now had both hands wrapped around one of Zoe’s arms. The heat of her felt nice in the relative cold of the infirmary.

Mal gave his second-in-command a dirty look before pivoting and marching over to the door. He entered the same code that had gotten them into the room onto a keypad. The lock disengaged and he yanked the door open, poking his head outside. “More hallway,” he announced, his voice echoing weirdly on the other side of the door.

“More bodies?” Inara inquired hesitantly.

There was a moment of silence. “A few. Found your docs. I’d watch your step going out the door.”

****

River watched her breath fog before her. She couldn’t remember ever having been so cold, both inside and out. The isolation… the desperation… the fear… everything the prisoners had felt seemed to have frozen into the ice only to thaw in River’s presence. She could feel it all, worming into her mind and muscles, making her almost twitch with the urge to escape.

“You okay?” Simon’s voice penetrated the thick claustrophobia that had settled over her, and River looked past the mist of her breath in time to see Sarah turn in the hallway and look back at her. The pilot still carried the shotgun in her hands, and one lock of damp hair dangled in her eyes. Sarah tossed her head back to remove it, her green eyes focused worriedly on River.

“I’m okay,” River promised. She drew from Sarah’s strength and ruthlessly shoved all the emotions down. They weren’t hers and she didn’t have to feel them, not with Sarah there.

“Would y’all quit jabbering,” Jayne called after them, his flashlight beam catching them all in the eyes as they turned to look at him. “I’d like to be getting’ out of here sooner rather than later.”

“We’re coming,” Connor called after him. “Keep moving.”

Jayne harrumphed but did as he was told.

River straightened and moved past Sarah with an apologetic look, quickening her steps to catch up with Jayne who was shining his light in each empty cell. All the doors were open, but from the looks of things, no one had escaped.

Connor looked at Simon as he drew even with her. “You okay, Doc?” she asked politely.

He took a breath then looked like he wished he hadn’t. “I’ve seen a lot of death,” he admitted. “Nothing like this.”

The pilot nodded. Even her time on the battlefield couldn’t prepare her for the kind of carnage around her. “You think a man could do this. Tear people apart like this?”

“A strong one,” Simon confirmed. “One hyped up on drugs… fear.” He glanced at the remains of what he could kindly call a body and looked away. “A pack of Reavers could do this. But there would have to be a lot of them.”

Connor put her hand on his shoulder and urged him after his sister and Jayne. “Why do you say that?”

“We’ve seen hundreds of bodies. Most of these men would have been capable of fighting back. I’m guessing a good lot of them would have been even stronger than their attackers.”

“You think there would have to be scores of Reavers to overcome so many,” Connor murmured thoughtfully, her gaze firmly on River’s back.

“Either that or…” Simon trailed off.

“Or what?” Connor’s accent thickened with a hint of worry.

“Or… the attackers would have to be highly skilled at quick, ruthless murder.”

“Or subduing prisoners,” Connor speculated.

“What?” Simon asked.

“You seen a guard, Simon?”

Simon glanced back the way they’d come before his gaze swung back to Connor. “You think the guards did this?”

“I think I want to know why we haven’t see any. A lot of the bodies have knife wounds… serrated blades sliced right through some of these men.”

“They were butchered,” Simon said thoughtfully.

“So we’ll either find the guards holed up somewhere…” Connor began as they rounded another corner only to find more of the same.

“Or,” Simon prompted.

“Or maybe they’ll find us first.”

****

The former Operative frowned at the sound the docking clamps made as they engaged his small shuttle. No doubt, Mal and his crew might have detected his landing depending on their location inside the structure. He used his homemade jammer to disguise his arrival, feeling secure in the knowledge he’d gone unseen by the ships in orbit.

“No matter,” he sighed. His arrival announced or unannounced, it made no difference. He kept his flight suit on and moved to the door of his small craft, disengaging the door and stepping out into a biting blast of wind. He studied a handheld scanner and smiled as he detected life signs nearby. A brisk little walk and he’d have what he came for.

Stepping over the frozen remains of a prisoner, he descended a small stack of steps and went on his way.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please see chapter one for notes.

The silence was eerie. Even for a man who had seen what he’d seen… done what he’d done… the quiet was as thick as the sheets of ice on the walls around him. He could hear every breath, the thump of every beat of his heart. His boots clanged softly on the metal grating beneath his feet as he ventured further into the prison. He’d already passed the security room and recovered what he could find. Now it was time to find River Tam.

Feeling better with a weapon in his hand, the former Operative slid the sword he carried on his back out of the scabbard. The blade would allow him to do more damage in close quarters than his pistol would. He knew what to expect hiding in the hallways, even if Malcolm Reynolds and his crew were still in the dark. Praying he could find the crew before the savages did, he still accepted that the likelihood of that was remote. Chances were excellent a member of Reynolds’ crew would die before he reached them, and he could only speculate on who that might be.

A glance at his scanner revealed two small masses of figures moving nearly parallel with one another. One was moving slowly. The other moved with the purpose of hunters after their prey. The former Operative sighed and chose his path.

****

More hallways. More rooms. More death.

Connor processed it all with a grim look and a firm grip on her shotgun. Whatever had butchered these men still lurked somewhere inside the prison, potentially lying in wait for them around every corner.

The pilot had been so focused on keeping River safe that she’d inadvertently left the doctor to protect the middle of their formation. Connor kept herself between River and any potential threat, but had relegated the lead to Jayne who made a much bigger target. She had steadily fallen back to be closer to River, so that the Tams were now between the two trained fighters. Having River within her line of sight reassured Connor somewhat, but tensions still ran high.

Finger flexing on the trigger, Connor glanced behind her, the persistent feeling of anxiety starting to make her twitch. She knew better than to ignore it, but there was little she could do but press on and wait for the inevitable fight to come. A part of her just wanted it done. Getting it over and blowing holes in whatever wanted them dead would be preferable to waiting for demons to leap out of the dark.

Her attention zeroed in on River’s back, aching a little in empathy at the tense set of the other woman’s shoulders. Connor hated to see River surrounded by so much death, but if the pilot had to walk waist high in blood she would, as long as the voices in River’s head would leave the younger woman in peace when this was over. She inched closer to River, needing to be as near her as possible while resisting the urge to just grab her and run.

Seeming to sense the scrutiny, River glanced over her shoulder and gave Sarah a weak smile. Connor felt a little of the tension in her shoulders uncoil at the sight. She’d come to crave that smile like a drug, and seeing it was a salve her soul desperately needed at the moment.

The lights abruptly flickered and the group froze as the bulbs sputtered around them.

“That can’t be good,” Jayne mumbled.

What sounded like a heavy door slamming echoed weirdly around them. Connor eased the shotgun up as Jayne tightened his grip on his pistol.

“Where did that come from?” Simon asked, unable to pinpoint the source.

“Somewhere too damn close for comfort,” Jayne answered. The mercenary looked back at Connor. “Now what?”

The others turned to look at her as well and Connor paused, thrown by the realization that she seemed to be the one in charge. How in the hell had that happened? “How close are we to the control room?” she asked Simon.

The doctor lifted the scanner he’d been carrying and switched it to a screen that displayed the blueprints to the prison. “Another couple of hallways,” he admitted before lifting his head to look at Connor. “Maybe five minutes from here.”

Connor licked her lips and let her gaze fall on River. The younger woman was staring at the floor, her brow furrowed in thought. She was beginning to recognize that expression as the one River wore before an episode overtook her. “What is it?” Sarah demanded, praying she could keep River in the moment.

“We’re not alone,” River murmured, her eyes closing as she tried to concentrate.

The pilot moved closer, ducking her head so she could look up into River’s downturned features. Her heartbeat was tripping, thudding hard and heavy against her ribcage, but she set aside her fear to focus on River, the only acknowledgement to River’s declaration was to click off the safety on her shotgun.

“No shit,” Jayne replied but he sounded scared.

Connor ignored him, touching River’s arm and turning the younger woman to face her fully. She gave in to her impulses, letting go of the gun with one hand so she could cup River’s cheek. The younger woman’s skin was cold as River leaned into the touch, even through the leather of Sarah’s glove. Her breath was starting to come faster, fogging the air between them. “Who is it? Alliance?” Connor asked softly, keeping her voice low and soothing.

“No, but something tainted with them.” River’s eyelids fluttered open and she found herself looking directly into Sarah’s worried eyes. The sight of them gave her a jolt in the middle of her chest, and for a moment she forgot everything but the pilot. She gave her thoughts a mental shake and willed herself to focus. “Everything here is tainted with them.”

“What does that mean?” Jayne grumbled.

“Is it the guards?” Simon asked.

River shook her head only to hesitate. “Them too,” she said after a moment, not sure what that meant even to herself. “There’s too much… too much information.” She covered her face with her hands, smelling the leather of her gloves. The scent reminded her of Sarah, and she savored more of it as Connor’s touch slipped underneath her hair to curve around her neck and pull her closer. River breathed her in, feeling her world steady a little at her nearness when it seemed like her sanity wanted to fly apart. “We need to move,” she breathed into the curve of Sarah’s neck. That much she knew. Something… someone... maybe both… was coming for them. “We’re running out of time.” Restless energy flooded her limbs and she began to fidget, not sure which way they needed to go.

“Well that’s a whole lot of useless information,” Jayne growled.

Shaking her head again, River tangled her hands in Sarah’s coat, dragging the pilot just a little closer. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m saying. It’s all jumbled up.”

“It’s okay, River,” Simon promised her but his sister shook her head more vigorously. He looked into Connor’s stricken green eyes, seeing his fear and worry for River reflected back at him.

“No,” River insisted, visibly growing more agitated. “It’s not okay. Time is ticking. Slipping away. The butchers come. The monster comes.”

“Monster?” Jayne asked, his voice squeaking a little.

There was another bang, closer this time. Everyone jumped but River. Connor stared at the closed door at the end of the hallway, half expecting to see something out of a nightmare emerge from it. But the door simply stood there, waiting to be opened. “One more door,” she decided, reluctantly stepping away from River so she could grip the shotgun with both hands again.

“But someone…” Simon started.

“They could be behind us,” Connor pointed out.

They all looked back over the blood-spattered walls at the way they’d come. There was nothing there but the dead and ice.

“Good point,” Simon admitted wryly.

They eased forward through the flickering red lights. Jayne moved ahead of them, eager to get to the control room, collect their evidence, and get the hell out there.

“Jayne,” Connor cautioned. “You should stick close.”

“Just gonna go get a peek,” he told her.

Connor frowned but she wrenched her gaze off him and studied River who seemed to be wincing in pain now. “River,” she murmured, practically aching to hold the other woman again so she could soothe her physically if not mentally. She was watching River unravel right before her eyes and there wasn’t a damn thing she could do about it.

Jayne reached out for the door handle.

“NO!” River screamed.

****

They’d left the infirmary behind fifteen minutes before. Mal adjusted his grip on the bag he had slung over his shoulder, not wanting to think too much about the vials he could hear rattling and clinking around inside it. They’d found more bodies… and even more bodies after that, but after a bit the brain finally shut down and the carnage became as common as the ice on the walls around them. Mal barely noticed all the death anymore. He was focused on completing the mission and getting his crew the hell out of there.

“Does this place ever end?” Inara asked, vocalizing what they’d all been thinking.

“Don’t much feel like it,” Zoe replied. They now found themselves in a long hallway devoid of doors except for one at the end. “Where do we suppose that leads?” she asked the captain.

Mal abruptly stopped and turned to face them. “Your turn to find out,” he said blankly, but Zoe could see a shred of mirth in his eyes.

Caught by her own game, Zoe could only bite her tongue. “Yes, sir,” she sighed before moving past her shipmates and trudging down the hall, muttering something low under her breath.

Mal grabbed Inara’s arm when she started to follow. “Only takes one to look,” he said echoing Zoe’s earlier words.

“You’re an overgrown child,” Inara chastised him, but Mal merely smirked.

“Man has to find his amusement where he can, especially in trying times such as these.” Mal focused on Zoe, making sure his gun was ready despite his casual attitude. He watched as his second-in-command used the codes and unlocked the door.

Cold mist poured out, washing over Zoe and making her wince. She shone her flashlight beam into the darkness, just barely making out the shape of an old desk. Unlike the rest of the prison, the room seemed to be made of both wood and metal. A thick sheet of ice covered the floor and a few flakes of snow drifted lazily down from a hole in the roof. She looked back at the others. “Looks like it’s part of the original structure,” she called back to them.

“Any bodies?” Inara asked.

“Not a one.” Zoe glanced back inside. “Let me give it a quick look just to be safe. Don’t think we need to linger, though.”

Mal nodded. “Make it quick then.” He watched as Zoe disappeared inside. As soon as she left his line of sight, Mal felt it, the cramping in his gut, the cold finger of fear on the base of his spine. A soldier’s instincts that warned him when something bad was about to happen and to get his gorram head in a hole and stay the hell down. “Zoe…” Mal called out in warning, taking a single step before he heard a splintering crack and a roar.

Inara jerked into motion, beating Mal down the hallway and inside the room. They both pulled up short, nearly toppling into the gaping hole that had once been the floor. Zoe was nowhere to be seen.

****

Jayne whipped his pistol up, expecting something bad to be waiting for him on the other side of the door but he only saw an empty hallway leading to the control room. There were scarce few bodies about and he looked back at River in consternation. “Hell, girl. Don’t be scaring me like that.”

River began to convulse, inhaling sharply as she fell against the wall. Both Connor and Simon grabbed her and River clawed out, grabbing handfuls of their coats to keep from falling into the deep darkness that had opened up like a bottomless well in her mind.

“Zoe!” River screamed, her voice echoing off ice and metal

Connor felt her blood freeze. She didn’t know what the hell was happening as River clung to her and her brother but she sure as hell knew it wasn’t good. “I got this,” she told Simon. “You and Jayne find the others.”

“We’re not leaving you…” Simon protested in disbelief.

“I’ll get her back to the shuttle. We’ve seen enough,” Connor decided.

“But…”

“Simon, go!” Connor shouted, panic for Zoe and River making her temper short. She was grateful when Jayne grabbed Simon by the collar and hauled him up, throwing him back in the direction that they’d come.

“Connor.”

The pilot looked up in time to catch one of Jayne’s grenades as he tossed one at her. She gave him a swift nod and then dismissed him as she gathered the distraught River up into her arms.

“I’m not leaving my sister!” Simon spat as he scrambled to his feet only to come face to face with the muzzle of Jayne’s gun.

“Your sister is in better hands than yours right now, Doc,” Jayne told him. “And your hands is needed some place else. Move.”

“Not alone,” River murmured. “Not alone, not alone, not alone…”

Jayne regarded the young woman uneasily. “What’s she on about now?”

A low growl made them all turn and look toward the open door. River clutched at Connor who dragged her back up on her feet, the pilot insinuating herself between River and the door.

“What was that?” Simon asked around a rough swallow, his legs beginning to quake with fear.

“Ain’t nothing good,” Jayne grumbled in a low voice. He eased down the hall toward the door.

“Jayne,” Connor warned, her accent thick with alarm.

“We need to know,” the mercenary announced. He came around the corner and pointed his gun down the hallway, frowning when he saw nothing. “What the hell?” he muttered. He turned and looked back at the others.

“Did we just imagine it?” Simon asked.

Another low growl made the hairs on the backs of their necks stand on end as River continued to mutter incoherently. She tugged on Connor’s coat, like she wanted them to run but was too terrified to move.

“Well I didn’t imagine that,” Jayne spat, hurrying back to the others.

There was a bang from above that made them all jump. Connor noticed the ventilation shaft over their heads for the first time as she heard something scurrying inside it. “Damn it,” she whispered, her fingers tightening on River’s coat as her muscles bunched, preparing to run.

The vent above the door slammed onto the floor where Jayne had stood moments before. They held their breath and waited, fingers on their triggers.

There was one drop, then two. Blood dripped from the shaft, spattering on the ice. When another deep growl vibrated inside the shaft, Connor had enough.

The shotgun swung up in her hands and she aimed as an afterthought, firing off one shot at the opening. The blast boomed and echoed through the shaft and hallway, making their ears ring and almost drowning out a howl of pain and rage before a bloody figure crashed to the floor.

“Mother of God,” Simon hissed, backing up in fear as the figure lifted its mutilated features to look right at him. Connor’s shot had struck him in the right shoulder, the pellets making it looked like something had chewed his exposed skin. His lips were cracked, and dried blood was crusted at the corners of his mouth. When he let loose a warning cry to his brethren, Simon was horrified to see his teeth had been sharpened to vicious points.

“Son of a bitch,” Jayne hissed as the deformed man leapt toward them. “Reaver!”

The word was enough to spur Connor and Jayne to open fire, the reports from their weapons nearly deafening in the enclosed space. River covered her ears and turned into Simon’s chest as he held her.

Silence creeped back over them slowly, the smell of gunpowder and the copper tang of blood heavy in the air. Connor lowered her weapon, her hands shaking as she swiftly reloaded. The Reaver wasn’t getting back up, but that didn’t mean more weren’t about to spill from the ceiling.

“Not alone, not alone, not alone…” River continued to repeat before her voice cracked and broke. “Zoe… no…. no…”

“Damn it. Damn it!” Jayne said again as he backed away from the dead body, nearly crashing into River and Simon.

“His uniform,” Simon said so softly the others almost didn’t hear him over their harsh breathing.

“Bloody hell,” Connor choked. “He was a guard.”

Their gazes lifted upward as they heard a scrabbling sound in the shaft above their heads.

“Go,” Sarah ordered them, gripping Simon’s shoulder and giving him a ruthless shove. “Go!”

They turned, stumbled, and ran, fear fueling them at the sound of more Reavers slithering from the vent behind them.

****

Some detached portion of Zoe’s brain gave her grief for choosing gloves with no fingers. The ice burned her exposed skin, making it stick to the surface and peel off as Zoe grappled for purchase. Her right foot found a toehold and she slammed her boot into it, stopping her slippery descent. She closed her eyes and lowered her head, giving into the pain for a long moment. Shaking from both shock and cold, her teeth chattered so hard she tasted blood from biting her lip.

A gaping hole stretched out below, and not even the cold could hide the stench of death that wafted up toward her. Her weight had been the final insult, snapping the wooden floorboards underfoot like tinder. She’d thought she seen a handle on the floor under all that ice and she’d taken a few steps toward it before the ground had dropped out from under her. Obviously, she’d found where the guards tossed the prison’s dead. Now it appeared she would be joining them.

It wasn’t the kind of death Zoe had wanted, but she’d been waiting for this moment to come for her ever since she’d watched Wash die. Her body struggled to hang onto the ledge that had broken her fall even as her soul just wanted her to let it go. All she had to do was let go and she could see Wash again. Mal would have to leave her body here, she acknowledged, and even though she wanted to rest next to her husband, Zoe understood and forgave her captain, hoping that he would know that.

“Zoe!”

Inara’s panicked voice drifted down and made the former soldier lift her head toward the thin trace of moonlight above. The companion sounded terrified and Zoe felt guilt and shame for wanting to die… to leave them all, but she was so damn tired of being on the outside… of being alone. She missed her husband. She just wanted to see him smile at her one more time.

“Zoe,” Inara’s voice sounded more mournful now, and Zoe felt tears freeze on her face, hating herself for hurting the other woman. She could picture Inara’s face, her beautiful features wracked with fear and worry.

“Mal’s gone for help,” Inara continued. “Please. Please just hang on.”

 _I’m sorry _, Zoe mouthed the words, unable to find the strength to voice them. She focused on her fingers, willing them to turn loose of the ledge.__

“Please,” Inara’s voice broke. “Don’t leave me.”

Shuddering hard now, Zoe closed her eyes at the companion’s anguished plea. An angry voice in her head scolded her for taking the coward’s way out. Wash wouldn’t want this. He’d want her to live, to laugh and find love again. Had the roles been reversed, Zoe knew she would have wanted the same of him.

“Zoe…” There were tears in Inara’s voice.

She couldn’t do this. The crew needed her. Inara needed her, and in a moment of clarity, Zoe realized that was enough. She groaned and a half sob escaped her throat as she shifted her weight, pressing herself against the cold chamber and willing her fingers to feel the wall she clung to desperately. “Still here,” Zoe ground out even though she was shaking so hard she wasn’t sure Inara understood a word she said.

There was a colorful string of Chinese curses from above. “Damn you. Don’t scare me like that!”

Zoe would have smiled if her face hadn’t felt frozen. Suddenly, she wanted to be out of this hole she found herself in as much as she was ready to let herself die in it moments before. She longed to see Inara’s face, to comfort her over the scare she’d given her.

Wincing again, Zoe adjusted her hold as best as she was able. She could see nothing below, and she shuddered to think how much further she could still fall. “Inara?”

“Need a rope?” Inara guessed.

“Sooner… rather than later,” Zoe got out with effort.

“Mal’s gone to fetch one. Just hang on.” There was a pause. “Thank you,” Inara whispered to whatever gods could hear her.

****

“Go!” Connor yelled, her voice nearly hoarse from repeating the order over and over again. She could hear the cluster of Reavers closing in behind her, scampering over the metal grates and gaining ground fast. Simon stumbled and Jayne caught him by the back of his coat, keeping him on his feet.

“Mal!” Jayne yelled into his radio. “We got company!”

There was no response from the captain or any other member of the crew. Jayne swore a stream of obscenities that would have made Connor punch him for uttering them in front of River if she wasn’t so preoccupied with trying to keep them all alive. They would have to turn and make a stand soon, there was simply no choice.

Connor thought of John’s eyes. Of the way he’d smile up at her with such unconditional love. She hoped wherever she was about to go that she would at least get to see those eyes again. She thought of River’s smile, of the way she’d say her name, how warm and soft the younger woman’s mouth was. Mentally, Sarah whispered goodbye, hoping some part of River would feel it, would feel everything Connor had felt for her and never got the chance to show.

“Keep going!” The pilot shouted as she pivoted and brought the shotgun up, sighting through her tears and hoping to buy the others a few more minutes of time. She heard Simon swear just as River screamed her name and then all sound was lost in the boom of her shotgun as she took out the Reaver in the lead. Others tripped over him, but there were plenty more to take his place.

“Sarah!” River was suddenly shocked back into the present, lucid and terrified. She tried to spin, having felt the mournful brush of Sarah’s soul against her own, but Jayne grabbed her and began dragging her against her will. “No! Sarah!”

Simon felt tears burn the corners of his eyes as he grabbed his sister and pushed her forward, saying a silent thank you to the pilot who was willing to die for her.

Connor kept firing, making each shot count. She was slowing them down, bottlenecking them in a doorway, but it would be just a matter of time before she was out of ammo, and then she would be out of time. Reloading her last round, Connor brought the gun up as three more Reavers cleared the door. She was solid, still, accepting the fate rushing toward her if it meant River would live. There had to be at least twenty more men, and she only had enough rounds for five of them.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please see chapter one for notes.

Zoe had never been this cold. Inside and out, she felt like she was turning into ice. Her clothes seemed to be freezing to the rocky wall, and she wondered vaguely how in the hell she was supposed to get out of this mess without stripping out of her coat.

She closed her eyes and clenched her jaws, trying to fight through the shivers wracking her frame and making her teeth chatter. Aching from head to toe, all she could do was hold on and hope like hell Mal hurried.

“Zoe?” Inara’s voice drifted down, full of worry and an emotion Zoe couldn’t identify.

“He comin’?” Zoe called back through her teeth.

“He better be,” Inara replied, trying to keep her tone light. “Are you hurt?”

Was she? Zoe tried to take stock of her body but couldn’t discern any injuries. Her body felt like it was both numb and on fire and she longed for hypothermia to set in. At least then the shakes would stop and she would feel warm, even if it were just an illusion.

“Zoe?” Inara called when her shipmate didn’t respond fast enough.

“Don’t think so,” Zoe finally answered. “But I’m gonna leave some skin on this ice.”

Inara winced at the thought only to turn when she heard someone running down the hall. Her hand tightened on her pistol and she swung it up just as Mal rounded the corner. She lowered the weapon instantly only to swear when she discovered what Mal had scrounged up.

“Are you kidding?” Inara shouted at the captain. “This is no time for jokes, Mal!”

“Who’s joking?” Mal wanted to know, his eyebrows lifting in mute question as he hefted the shackles he’d found and linked together. “Zoe’s hands will be too cold. She ain’t gonna be able to tie nothin’.”

Inara blinked, her head rocking back a bit as if Mal’s logic had reached out and slapped her in the face. “Good point,” she muttered before moving out of the captain’s way as he scooted closer to the chasm in the floor.

“Zoe?” Mal yelled, his voice even and unconcerned, but Inara had learned to read even his best poker face over the years. He was scared for Zoe, and perhaps even himself. Inara knew Serenity was the most important thing in Malcolm Reynolds’s world, but Zoe was the closest thing the captain had to family, and she didn’t want to think about what it would do to Mal to lose her.

What it would do to any of them.

If River was the soul of Serenity, Zoe was its backbone. The thought of never hearing Zoe’s low, silken voice echoing through the halls again, or seeing her dark, beautiful eyes across the table in the galley made Inara’s chest feel like something was trying to rip it apart.

“Hurry,” she urged the captain.

“Well now I thought I’d just be leisurely about it,” Mal huffed with a disgruntled look at the companion. “Keep trying to raise the others on the radio. No one is answering.”

Inara paused. “No one?”

Mal’s jaw clenched, the only outward sign he was worried. He shifted onto his stomach and inched to the edge of the hole, peering down into its depths. He could barely make out a figure clinging to the wall about fifteen yards down. Mal licked his chapped lips as he weighed his options, fighting the urge to rush, knowing one mistake could cost him the best friend he’d ever known. “Look at you,” he called down to her. “Just hangin’ about when there is work to be done.”

He heard Zoe snort but there was no other reaction.

“I got some shackles here,” Mal went on. “Gonna lower them down to you. Think you can clamp one on your wrist?”

“There’s a joke in this somewhere,” Zoe answered, her voice jerky as her teeth chattered. “But I’m too damn cold to find it. Do what you gotta do, sir. I’ll figure things out on my end.”

Mal nodded, pleased with Zoe’s lucid response. He looked back at Inara who was pacing the hallway, trying to raise the rest of the crew on the radio. When her gaze met his, he knew she wasn’t having any luck. Mal looked away and focused on Zoe. “Right then,” he answered in a subdued voice. “Let’s do this.”

****

River stopped screaming two hallways back, nearly going slack in Jayne and Simon’s hands, forcing them to drag her. The distant boom of Connor’s shotgun could still be heard, and Simon took small comfort in knowing the pilot was still on her feet and fighting. He knew it was only a matter of moments, however, when that would cease to be the case. Simon hoped to God they wouldn’t be able to hear Connor scream when the Reavers got her.

They cleared a doorway, and Jayne turned to lock it, letting go of River for just a moment. The younger Tam suddenly lashed out with a booted foot, catching him in the back between his shoulder blades and slamming him into the wall with a painful-sounding crunch.

Simon yelled in alarm as his sister grabbed his hand and twisted out of his grip. River moved fluidly, turning and tossing her brother over her shoulder with negligent ease. Simon landed on his back with a clang, feeling the impact rattle every bone in his body, even his teeth.

“I’m sorry,” River told him, sounding anything but as he winced and tried to roll over. “I can’t leave her.”

“River…” Simon tried to get his feet under him as Jayne groaned.

River stepped through the door and closed it behind her, entering the codes to seal it before running back the way they’d come.

“Gorram girl,” Jayne spat, but he wasn’t sure if it was anger or fear for her that made him more upset. He wiped at the blood spilling from his nose before touching the bridge of it and wincing. “She broke my nose,” he groused.

Simon heaved himself up on his feet and staggered, grimacing, toward the door. He threw himself against it to no avail before pounding on it and calling River’s name.

“Save it, Doc,” Jayne instructed him. “We can’t help ‘em now.” He got unsteadily to his feet. “They’re on their own. And so are we.”

“I can’t just leave her,” Simon insisted.

“Zoe needs us. Gotta trust River can take care of her own.”

Too stunned to do anything but let Jayne guide him away from the door, Simon fell in step behind the mercenary, following him through the macabre halls and away from his sister.

****

Despite the ice, despite the cold, sweat spilled down Connor’s spine and matted her dark hair to her face. The shotgun clicked impotently and she flung it at the Reavers, pivoting on one boot and turning to run, her fingers closing around the grenade in her pocket. She pulled the pin and tossed it hard over her shoulder, hearing it clank on the metal grating amidst growls and grunting bodies.

The rush of air flung her forward and partially around a corner before the sound hit, a blast hard enough to make chunks of ice rip free and tumble from the walls. Connor coughed as she hit the corner and then the floor with enough force to drag the air from her lungs. Ice splintered and rained down on her as blackness threatened the edges of her vision.

Rolling over, the pilot went for the pistol strapped to her ankle, pulling it free just as she heard a howl that made fresh fear surge through her veins. Her boots slipped on the grate, trying to gain purchase as she scrambled backward, stumbling over a dead body as she brought the pistol up to aim at the end of the hallway. Like wounded dogs, Connor knew the Reavers that remained would be fierce when they fell upon her, tearing her apart with hands and teeth, and they would let her live through the hell as long as possible. If she were lucky, they’d just kill her and not try to rape her first.

She swallowed, her hands shaking now from both fatigue and fear. She’d unload every bullet but one into the last of the Reavers. One she would save for herself.

There was a moment where all she heard was her breath and the sick thump of her heart. She closed her eyes and whispered River’s name, saying a silent prayer that River was safe. That her sacrifice was worth it. Then sound and chaos slammed home again as the first of the Reavers rounded the corner. Connor’s eyes snapped open and her finger tightened on the trigger.

Only to let it go as River leapt over her and headed for the cluster of mutants running toward her.

“River!” Connor shouted, rolling up onto her knees only to stagger back to the floor as her vision blurred and clouded. She shook the lethargy off in time to see River dodge a knife thrust by one especially large guard. River caught him by the wrist and almost seemed to pirouette as she brought him around like a dance partner, using his own hand to slash the throat of an advancing Reaver.

Kicking another Reaver in the face, River twisted again and pinched the guard’s hand, numbing his touch and forcing him to drop the knife, which she caught effortlessly in her free hand. She gutted him before flipping the weapon up and over and throwing it into the heart of another guard.

Connor watched, nearly too stunned to move as River flowed through the attack, a blur of lethal grace, each step, each move, like a piece of planned choreography. She fought like a dancer, dispatched with the skill of a surgeon. When it was over, scarce moments after it began, Connor was against the wall, staring, as River slowly rose from the floor, a serrated blade in each hand, both dripping blood.

There wasn’t a Reaver left standing.

****

“I think something is jamming our radio frequencies,” Inara informed Mal as she knelt on one knee next to the captain’s boots. She didn’t dare get any closer to the edge in case their combined weight would be too much for the floor.

“Is it wrong that I almost find that a comfort?” Mal winced as he continued to ease the shackles over the side. He knew he should just about be to Zoe’s position. She had gone quiet about five minutes ago and Mal was almost afraid to call out to her in the event she didn’t respond. He took a breath, and brushed his fears aside. “Zoe?”

Zoe lifted her head, seeing a shackle in the thin trace of moonlight. It was about two feet from her right hand. She knew she was supposed to do something with it, but her mind was shutting down along with the rest of her body. “Yes, sir,” she replied automatically, a soldier’s instincts so ingrained in her it required no thought to answer her superior officer.

Mal paused, trying to read Zoe’s status in the tone and timbre of her voice. He didn’t like what he heard, and when he felt Inara’s grip on the heel of his boot he knew the companion wasn’t pleased, either. “Gotta tell me if I’m close,” he told Zoe. “Don’t want to smack you in that pretty face of yours.”

“Close?” Zoe closed her eyes. “What’s close?”

Inara wiped a nervous hand over her mouth. “We’re losing her,” she whispered.

“Like hell,” Mal disagreed. “Zoe?” He made his voice sound more like a command. “You look up now. That shackle above your head? You grab a hold and snap it to your wrist. You hear me?”

Zoe heard him but it was getting so hard to think. She just wanted to sleep. Warmth was finally stealing through her muscles, easing the painful tension that had been causing them to cramp. For a moment, she forgot where she was, imagining that she was in a soft bed, a warm, bare body wrapping around her from behind. Zoe could almost feel the touch stealing over her skin. Her hand let go of the wall and reached down to intertwine her fingers with the illusion. Her balance shifted, and reality rammed home as Zoe realized she was losing her equilibrium, her body tipping away from the wall.

“Zoe!” Mal yelled, easing the shackles down another foot.

The second-in-command reached out, her stubborn will brushing off the cobwebs blanketing her mind to grip the shackle and stop her fall.

Mal slid a little across the floor in surprise, his head and shoulders slipping over the edge before he stopped himself. “Gorram it,” Mal hissed. “Inara!”

The companion gripped the slack and wedged herself behind the door, wrapping the chains around her arm and holding on tight.

Later, Zoe would wonder how she got her other hand to turn lose of the wall, trusting her precarious toehold to keep her from falling to her death. With numb fingers, she fastened the shackle to her right wrist and gave the chain a tiny jerk. Words seemed like too much effort.

Mal nodded and shifted to brace himself. With a groan, he pulled on the chain, feeling Inara take up the slack behind him. Sweat broke out on his chilled features and his face tightened with the strain, but he didn’t let go. He wouldn’t. If Zoe fell now, he would damn well go with her.

****

Her heart slowed, abating from a thunderous rhythm into a sick, sluggish thump. Her breathing followed as the red gradually faded from River’s vision. When she’d seen the Reavers bearing down on Sarah, when she’d felt what their warped and tormented minds had wanted to do the pilot, River had felt rage wash through her, sweeping away all sense and mercy and leaving nothing but the assassin behind. She had welcomed the anger, knowing she needed it to save Sarah, but now, with the heat of the Reavers blood all over her and pooling around her feet, all River felt was horrified.

Her brown eyes slowly lifted from the carnage, needing to see if Sarah was all right. The pilot was sprawled on the floor a few feet away, her green eyes fixed on the twin blades that dangled from River’s blood-soaked hands.

The knives clattered to the floor as River looked away, unable to bear the disgust she knew she would find in the cherished green depths of Sarah’s eyes. Now that Sarah had seen what she was capable of, now that Sarah knew the ugly truth, there was no way she could look at her without revulsion. River was another creation of the Alliance, as much of a monster as the Reavers that littered the floor at her feet.

Never again would Sarah look at her like a lover, not when she now knew that a killer lurked beneath the surface. Trembling with adrenaline, fear, and shame, River closed her eyes, feeling hot tears spill down her cheeks only to freeze on her chin.

There was a rustle of fabric on metal as Sarah got unsteadily to her feet, followed by the sound of a pistol sliding home into its holster. River could imagine the pilot’s pained movements, her struggle to stand, but River didn’t move to help. Sarah would not welcome her touch. Not now.

A gasp escaped River’s lips and her eyes fluttered open. Sarah’s bare hand was against her cheek, wiping away the tears forming tracks through the spatters of blood on her face. River’s eyes searched Sarah’s, expecting to see disgust, fear, even hate, but there was nothing there but gentleness and…

Love, River realized, the same love River had felt infuse every fiber of her soul when Sarah believed she was about to die. Fresh tears brimmed in River’s eyes and a soft sob tore lose from her throat.

“You…” Connor started to say, tears of her own brimming in her eyes. She could only shake her head when words failed her. Her jaw clenched and pulsed beneath the skin. Sarah swallowed and swayed a little in place. “I should…”

“You’re hurt,” River whispered when she noticed a thin trail of blood making its way down Connor’s neck, spilling from just behind the pilot’s ear. She reached for Sarah only to have Sarah step back and grab her wrist. River looked down at her gloved fingers, seeing how they were covered in the Reavers’ blood. “I’m sorry,” she hissed, trying to pull away, horrified and sickened that she’d almost touched Sarah with tainted hands.

“I’m okay,” Connor promised, not letting River go and even jerking her a little closer. “Just got my bell rung.” She dipped her head and looked at River carefully. “You okay? I’ve never seen anyone…” Connor had to shake her head again, unsure if it was the concussion she was pretty sure she was sporting or what she’d just witnessed that was making speech so damn hard. Something in River’s face finally hit home and Connor realized the cause of the other woman’s distress. She eased her hand behind River’s neck and pulled the younger woman against her, ignoring the blood and gore. Sarah drank in River’s heat, feeling grateful that she was able to hold her again. This moment felt like peace, Sarah realized, even surrounded by the vivid reminders of violence and death. She closed her eyes and blotted out everything but the woman in her arms, reveling in the sensation for as long as the fates would allow.

River shuddered in relief at the contact. “Please don’t hate me,” she pleaded into Sarah’s shoulder and felt the pilot’s hands twitch on her back.

“Never,” Connor promised her. She leaned back and brushed River’s hair from the younger woman’s eyes. “Never,” Connor repeated with more ferocity. “Don’t even think it.”

“I’m sorry,” River murmured, burying her head in the crook of Connor’s neck. “I’m so sorry.” She closed her eyes as Sarah’s hand gently massaged her neck.

“Nothing to be sorry for,” Connor replied, leaning heavily on the other woman. “In fact, give me a bit, and I’ll be damn impressed.”

A clang from behind them made them both turn and look down the charred remains of the hallway.

River frowned, finally able to focus on her surroundings now that so many of the Reavers that had been clouding her thoughts were gone. “He’s coming,” she murmured.

“Jayne? Simon?” Connor asked, hoping the doctor might have something in his bag for the pounding in her head.

River shook her head. “The monster.”

****

Mal grimaced as he was finally able to reach out and grab the scruff of Zoe’s coat. His second-in-command was dead weight as he pulled her the rest of the way out of that damn hole and rolled her out into the hallway. His hands ached as he flexed them and reached into his pocket for the key he’d found with the cuffs.

Inara dropped to her knees, turning Zoe over so she could look into her still features. “Zoe?” she called, barely able to control the panic that wanted to creep into her voice. Her palms framed Zoe’s face and the companion winced at how cold the other woman was. “Zoe, please,” she pleaded.

Unlocking the shackle, Mal worked the cuff off Zoe’s wrist, ignoring how the metal had gouged a deep ring in his friend’s skin. He shoved the shackle aside, listening as the chain links clattered over the side of the hole then fell away. Mal pulled himself up on his knees and studied Zoe’s face. His hands were too cold and in too much pain to check for a pulse. He eased his face down next to Zoe’s lips, waiting for the telltale sign of her breath on his cheek. It took way too damn long before he felt it, but it was enough to make some of the tension in his body unwind.

“Still here,” he announced and he watched as Inara nearly sagged with relief. “I need you to get her back to the ship.”

Inara stilled. “Me? Aren’t you coming with us?” she asked in disbelief.

“Nothin’ I’d like more,” Mal promised. “But we came here for a reason. I ain’t leaving until I got answers.”

“What about that damn bag?” Inara said with a wave at the satchel that sat almost forgotten against the wall, her fear now making way for frustration. “Maybe your gorram answers are in there.”

Mal pursed his lips. “Could be,” he conceded without rancor. “Need to be sure, though. We didn’t come this far and nearly lose Zoe to turn back now.”

Zoe groaned softly and both the captain and companion’s attention were instantly riveted back on her.

Inara gripped Zoe’s hand and leaned closer. “Zoe?” she called softly, letting the backs of her fingers caress the sharp edge of Zoe’s cheekbone.

Dark eyes fluttered open and Zoe groaned again, curling her body in on itself. Mal’s jaw clenched, but there was no other outward sign he was affected by her suffering. “Find the doc,” he instructed Inara. “Get Zoe back to the shuttle.”

“And what if we run into whatever killed all these people?” Inara wanted to know as she brushed her hand through Zoe’s hair, trying to bring the semi-lucid woman fully back into the present.

“Might want to avoid that,” Mal advised as he stood and grabbed the satchel and flung it over his shoulder.

“Mal,” Inara spat.

“Time is a’wastin’,” he told her. “Take care of her,” he ordered with one last look at both of them before he turned and ran down the hallway.

Inara sighed. “Promise me I can slap him later,” she said to Zoe. Zoe almost seemed to smile at the sentiment and Inara found her own mouth easing into a soft grin. She leaned over and gently brushed her lips against Zoe’s cool forehead. “Come on,” she coaxed. “Wake up and help me,” Inara urged. “You know you want to,” she teased.

“Inara?” Zoe’s voice was rough and painful to hear, but it had never sounded sweeter to the companion.

“Right here,” Inara vowed, leaning closer until they were nearly nose-to-nose. Zoe’s dark eyes focused on her face and Inara saw the recognition flare in their depths. She stroked Zoe’s cheek again just because she could.

Zoe stared up at her before slowly reaching up and wiping away a tear the companion didn’t even know she was crying.

****

A soft beep slowly roused Kaylee from sleep. She lifted her head, her eyelids fluttering open to reveal a viewport covered with snow. Sniffling slightly, Kaylee checked the time before shifting her attention onto the radar. It was clear save for the two ships in orbit, but those had been there when they’d landed so no surprises there.

Tunneling a hand through her hair, Kaylee yawned and sat up straighter, her other hand tightening on the paper bag she had clutched to her chest. She couldn’t believe she’d drifted off, but none of them had been getting much sleep lately. Noting that she hadn’t missed any waves from the crew, she began to look around for the sound that had roused her from sleep.

The beep came again, and Kaylee turned her head, looking past her right elbow to various screens just beyond it. When she finally located the source of the noise, she bounced up so fast that the bag toppled to the floor, its contents spilling out and tumbling under the helm. “Oh jeez.”

Kaylee tried to raise the captain on the radio but only static came back. Frantically, she tried the others, but to no avail. Swearing, Kaylee reached up and flipped a switch to spin the engine up. According to Serenity’s sensors, the Alliance ships were powering up their weapons. Either something bigger and badder was headed right for them, or they were about to blow the penal colony all to hell. Mal and the others would never make it back in time. She would have to go to them.

TBC


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please see chapter one for notes.

“Can you stand?”

Zoe considered the request, taking stock of her body and its hurts. There really didn’t seem to be much choice in the matter, so she slowly nodded her head, hearing Inara’s sigh of relief. In a fuzzy way, Zoe was pleased she’d done something to make Inara happy.

“Good,” the companion answered firmly. “Because I’m quite sure I can’t carry you.”

Zoe’s lips twitched and she shook her head just a little, trying to clear some of the cobwebs coating her mind. She felt warm and lazy and just wanted to sink back down into sleep, but there was no way Inara could escape on her own. Zoe knew she needed to help, which meant getting her butt in gear whether she wanted to or not. She eased an arm around Inara’s shoulders, aware of her heat and scent as she was eased onto her feet. She didn’t let the other woman go once she’d found her footing.

“You okay?” Inara whispered in the icy hallway, aching to hear Zoe’s voice.

“Working on it,” Zoe croaked, pleased she could still speak when pressed. Some of the tension in Inara’s shoulders relaxed under her arm. “Are you?” Zoe asked softly, turning her head and making eye contact with Inara at close range. She watched Inara’s throat ripple as the other woman swallowed.

Inara hesitated, wondering what truths to speak and which to keep to herself for now. Zoe was staring at her intently, and the companion momentarily forgot how to make her tongue work. “I… yes,” she murmured, oddly breathless. “At least I will be when we’re off this godforsaken rock.”

“Amen to that,” Zoe said after a brief delay. Shaking her head again, she pulled Inara a little closer and shifted so they could start down the hall at a slow, but steady, pace. “Don’t know where we’ll hole up next,” Zoe muttered, “but I’m hopin’ it’ll be warm.”

“I’ll get you warm,” Inara promised only to blink when she realized how that might sound. She risked a peek at Zoe and found the other woman looking back at her with a slightly bemused expression. “You know what I mean.”

“Surely do,” Zoe agreed, but her mouth twitched as she fought a grin. “Thanks,” she murmured to Inara, the gratitude encompassing so much more than the companion knew.

Inara glanced at her as they continued down the icy corridors on their way back to the ship. “My pleasure,” she replied with the faint trace of a confused smile.

They heard something pounding toward them from up ahead and they both went still. Zoe stepped away from Inara, her hand sliding her remaining pistol out of its holster, the other weapon having plummeted to the bottom of the pit when the floor had given way beneath her. Her legs were shaking, but mercifully they held her weight. “Behind me,” she instructed without preamble.

Inara complied, but she brought her own weapon up, holding it with one hand while keeping her other against Zoe’s back for support. “Now what?” she complained.

****

“Just had to venture about on your own, didn’t you, Malcolm?” Mal muttered as he made his way down another body-strewn hallway. With no audience present, however, Mal did nothing to hide his grimace of distaste at the smell or the sights that greeted him.

He felt a pang at leaving Inara and Zoe to fend for themselves, but Zoe at half speed was better than most with all their faculties. As for Inara, she looked pretty and delicate as china, but she’d tear a man’s eyes out if she had to. The captain took small comfort in his crew’s capabilities, wishing, not for the first time, that he hadn’t dragged them out to this cold hell.

Deep down, though, Mal knew there was no choice. The Alliance was after them with a vengeance – again. They needed to know why before they could plan a move that wouldn’t get them all dead. He hadn’t expected this, though. No one could have expected this. No one but River, he mentally amended, aching anew for what the young woman must have been seeing in her mind’s eye the last few days. How the girl didn’t go as crazy as a loon was a mystery. Everyone always behaved like the young woman had a weak mind, but Mal was firmly convinced the exact opposite was true.

The captain paused at two adjoining hallways, his breath fast and jerky as it fogged in the cold air before him. The prison now seemed deathly quiet with only his thudding heart for company. Mal licked his chapped lips and resisted the urge to turn back. He would be to the control room soon if he had this place figured right. Once he had what he needed, he would waste no time or pride getting back to the ship as fast as his legs would carry him.

Hell, maybe he’d cross paths with the others while he was at it.

The thought cheered him somewhat as he chose his path.

****

“He’s close.”

Connor glanced behind them, feeling the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end. There was nothing there but the same carnage they’d passed on the way in, the same walls thick with ice and blood. She’d retrieved one of the gun belts from a fallen guard, strapping it on with a sense of relief. Her own ammo was gone, and she suspected the new guns she was sporting had far more stopping power than what she’d been carrying. It was strange that the Reavers had chosen to use knives instead of their guns, Connor thought, but then again, savage minds preferred savage means. She would just count herself lucky that the Reavers had wanted to feel her blood spill over their hands rather than just spilling her blood from afar. It was a damn strange thing to be grateful for, but Connor would take what luck she could get.

River also sported a pistol in her right hand, but the way she carried it with so little regard made the pilot wonder if River was even aware of the press of the weapon against her palm. The younger woman was clearly exhausted, swaying a little with each step, the pistol banging repeatedly against her thigh. Connor wanted to scoop her up into her arms, hold her close, and carry her out of this nightmare, but neither of them were in the shape to do anything more than put one foot in front of the other.

“Guess I should have held on to that grenade,” Connor muttered, her accent a little slurred and thicker than normal.

“Won’t need it,” River answered.

“Against a monster?” Connor replied, dubious.

“A man who thinks he’s a monster,” River clarified, tripping a little and slumping into the wall. Connor’s hands were suddenly on her, stabilizing her even as they spun her around.

“What man?” the pilot demanded, her voice sharpening. “You said a monster was coming.”

River frowned and closed her eyes, trying to think. “He is. He’s killed thousands.” She had to put her hands on Sarah’s shoulders to stay upright. “Tired,” she whispered.

“If he’s a man, River, then we’ll hide and wait.” Sarah glanced away, taking in their surroundings as she tried to formulate a plan. She was jerked out of her musings by River’s emphatic response.

“No.” River shook her head. “He brings death. I can feel it. We should leave. Leave him behind.”

“The voices in your head telling you that?” Connor asked gently. She watched as River’s eyes fluttered open and her gaze locked on Connor’s own. River’s eyes were clear, and something in Sarah’s soul rejoiced at the sight.

“Voices are gone,” River promised.

“Gone gone?” Connor asked, feeling slightly silly but breathing easier when River nodded. “Finally something is going right.”

River smiled faintly. “Really want to go home,” she admitted. Her gaze abruptly shifted off Sarah and back to the hallway behind them.

Sarah turned, her eyes searching the shadows, expecting to see god only knew what lurking in them. “What?” she demanded.

“He wants to find me,” River stated the news matter-of-factly, as if there was nothing to be worried about in the slightest.

The knowledge made Sarah go as cold inside as she was outside. River was too weak to fight. Her battle against the Reavers had drained her. Connor made the decision to turn back. She would surprise this bastard, and put a bullet in him hopefully before he even laid eyes on her. “You stay here,” she ordered.

“No.” River shook her head, her grip fisting in Sarah’s coat. “Don’t leave.”

“River, you can barely stand. I’m going to go check the way we came. I won’t be long.” Connor touched the younger woman’s face, her leather-covered thumb stroking River’s cheek. “Besides, I might need you to come rescue me again,” she teased, hoping to ease some of River’s fears.

River closed her eyes and bowed her head, leaning into Sarah’s touch. “He’ll find us,” she murmured.

“He’ll wish he hadn’t,” Sarah vowed, hoping River wasn’t right. She guided the other woman against the wall. “Just stay here. I won’t be long.”

“Sarah,” River called when the pilot was a few feet away. When Sarah turned back to look at her, River felt her words leave her, evaporating under the heat and concern in Sarah’s gaze. So River concentrated, broadcasting her feelings if Sarah had half a mind to receive them. When she heard Sarah gasp softly in surprise, River knew she’d succeeded.

“River,” Sarah whispered, an edge of awe to her tone.

“Hurry,” was River’s only response.

Sarah had to force herself to let go of the sweet intensity that had swept through her. Staggering a few steps, the pilot turned and ran, more determined to take care of this so-called “monster” so they could both get out of there and back to Serenity.

River collapsed against the icy wall and simply waited, focusing her thoughts on Sarah, making sure the pilot was safe.

Minutes later, she felt him mere feet before he was on her, and River gave him credit for that. Few could catch her by surprise and he almost had. “I knew you’d come,” she said as she opened her eyes and met the monster’s gaze squarely with her own.

****

“Gorram it,” Inara hissed, her weapon dropping when she saw Simon and Jayne round the corner, their guns at ready. “Are you trying to get shot?” she spat.

Jayne lowered his weapon. “We’re trying to get outta here,” he replied, sounding stuffy as his hand came up to pinch his bloody nose. “Got lost.”

“Zoe,” Simon said with concern, moving closer to the clearly injured woman.

Zoe shrugged off his concern with a wave of her gun, but Simon kept coming. “Be fine, Doc. Just need to get warm and take something for a bad headache.”

They all stared at each other, each team taking in the other’s absent members.

“River?” Inara whispered.

“Got attacked,” Jayne announced, doing a rare act of kindness by sparing Simon from having to share the details. “Connor stayed behind to cover us. River went back to cover Connor.”

Zoe and Inara looked worriedly at Simon who merely clenched his jaw in reaction.

“She’ll be fine,” the doctor announced, but didn’t sound like he meant it.

“Who attacked you?” Zoe demanded.

“The guards,” Simon murmured as he touched Zoe’s cheek and turned her head to study a nasty scratch down the woman’s face.

“Been turned into Reavers,” Jayne added with a rough swallow.

“Reavers?” Zoe said, her voice gaining strength and sounding clearer. “You sure?”

“Hard to mistake,” Jayne grunted as his eyes darted around the space. “Where’s Mal?”

“Off being a hero,” Inara grumbled.

“Figures,” Jayne grumped. “We’re beatin’ tracks back to the shuttle. You comin’?”

Grateful to have someone to focus his worries on, Simon slipped one of Zoe’s arms around his shoulders as Inara quickly claimed the other. “We’re all going,” he announced in his best physician-knows-best voice. “The others will meet us there.”

Simon turned his head and found Zoe looking back at him knowingly.

“You believe that,” Zoe told him with conviction. “Understand? Nothing less is good enough.”

Simon managed a meager smile. “It’s my sister. If anyone can take care of herself she can.”

Jayne let them walk past, bringing up the rear so he could cover the wounded Zoe from behind. “Sure as hell took care of my nose,” he muttered to no one in particular.

****

“Gorram it!”

Mal kicked over a small stool in the control room, cursing further as pain bloomed from his toes all the way up his shin. He’d finally arrived at the control room, but the security discs had already been taken, leaving his foolhardy quest to find a visual record of what had happened inside these walls in tatters.

The captain grabbed his radio. “Connor? Jayne? You read?” Silence snapped back at him and Mal cursed again, praying that the other team had simply beaten him there and already retrieved the discs. Their continued silence was worrisome, though.

Mal looked at the massive control panel of switches before glancing through the window down at what had to be a workout field below. It was littered with more bodies. His head tipped back and he took in the monitors above him, each cycling through a preprogrammed sequence of cameras. He felt his heart jerk when he saw a flash of movement on one of them.

Moving closer, Mal waited and watched, desperately needing to see some sign his crew was okay. When he caught a glimpse of Inara and Simon steadying Zoe between them, he felt the breath he’d been holding leave him in a relieved rush.

He sucked it right back in when he saw River. She was spattered with blood, pressed against an icy wall to get as far away from the man who was in front of her. Mal’s stomach rolled at the sight of his familiar face, and rage and fear sliced through him in equal measure.

The Operative had told Mal they would never see him again. That there was nothing left to see. He’d broken his word, but Mal was determined to keep his. He’d promised the bastard he’d kill him if he ever saw him again, and that’s just what he planned to do. “Come back to mess with me and mine, have you?” he hissed as the cameras began to cycle through once more and he lost sight of River.

Mal tried to figure out where she was, which way he needed to go. His eyes skimmed the monitors and switches, his gaze sweeping past the radar only to jerk back there when he processed what he’d just seen. “Can’t something go smooth for once?” he whined when he saw what the Alliance ships were doing.

Slipping his pistol out of the holster, Mal adjusted the bag over his shoulder and chose his route, hoping he could get to River before the Operative did her any harm. Little Albatross could take care of herself against almost anything, but Mal wasn’t going to leave anything to chance.

****

“River Tam.”

The words were spoken with a reverence that made River want to shudder. The man’s voice was deep and smooth, carrying an edge of undeniable sophistication, but River knew it was the voice of a killer, of a man who’d ordered the deaths of thousands. He was the reason Shepherd Book died in the sand. The reason Wash no longer laid down beside Zoe at night.

Although River knew she carried some of the blame as well. It was because of her, because of what she knew about the Alliance and Miranda that her friends had died. Their deaths had been years ago, but seeing his face, knowing what he’d been and everything he’d believed in… River felt the memories rush back, the pain of loss. She stumbled a step to the side, her back scraping on the ice as she shied away from him, trying to stay out of his reach. Her suddenly scared and hurting soul called out for Sarah.

“We finally meet,” the former Operative said gently.

River stared at him; at the man she’d only caught glimpses of through Serenity’s viewport or in her mind’s eye. He almost didn’t seem real now as he smiled at her in the hellish lighting.

“I mean you no harm,” he vowed when she eased another step from him. He frowned and seemed truly bothered by her fear of him. “River,” the former Operative held out his hands. “We need to talk.”

“No,” River whispered, wanting nothing to do with him, terrified of his touch. He had too many dead souls clinging to him and she didn’t want to feel their pain, their anguish. “Don’t touch me.”

He paused at the fear in her voice, glancing down at his hands, so close to coming to rest on top of her own. He let them drop to his sides in understanding. “I won’t touch you,” he promised.

River reached a corner and pressed herself into it. “Leave me alone,” she pleaded mournfully.

The former Operative pursed his lips. “I can’t.”

The sound of a gun clearing a holster with a whisper slide of metal against leather came from his right. The hammer clicked back and the former Operative stilled, glancing slowly to his right and discovering Connor with mild surprise. He turned his gaze back on River. “You have a protector,” he commented casually.

Connor stepped between them, forcing him to retreat a few steps and blocking his line of sight of the younger woman. “Back up,” she ordered, her voice tight and angry.

He tilted his head and smiled. “You really think she needs defending?” he asked the pilot, bemused by her chivalry, but pleased to see it nonetheless. She was breathing hard, as if she’d run back to be at River’s side, and she appeared as battle worn as her companion.

His eyes told Connor that he knew full well what River was capable of. He’d seen so first hand. “Just because she doesn’t need it doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve it.” He started to move past her. “Ah-ah.” She waggled the gun at him.

“I must speak with her,” the former Operative insisted, his face losing all traces of amusement. “It’s of the utmost importance.”

Connor felt River’s hand fist in the back of her coat as the younger woman’s chin came to rest on her shoulder. Warm breath, coming a little too fast, ghosted across Connor’s neck. She could feel River’s fear, her revulsion, and it stirred her guts and nerves like a hornets’ nest.

“What do you want?” River asked slowly.

The former Operative merely looked at her for a long moment. “River,” he murmured, seeming to forget Connor was even there. “I’ve waited a long time for this moment.”

“Look,” Connor said forcefully, growing more wary of the man by the second. “I don’t know what this is about…”

“It’s about destiny,” he said as his dark gaze flickered to Connor before tracking back almost magnetically to River’s. “River and I have always been destined to meet. When our paths last crossed we changed the universe.”

Connor took a sharp breath and jammed the muzzle of the gun into his chest in the vicinity of his heart. “You’re the Operative.” The monster, Connor realized.

“Former,” he corrected primly. “Mal has spoken of me. Not surprising.”

Connor shook her head. “No. River told me about you. How you hunted her, murdered her friends. Because of you, I’m flying in a dead man’s chair.” Thoughts of her son, of her family, flickered across Connor’s mind. The screams they’d made as they died. She met his gaze unflinchingly. “Give me one good reason I shouldn’t pull this trigger. Give me one good reason I shouldn’t give Zoe a measure of satisfaction in making you dead.”

He looked at her blandly, a serene expression on his features. “Then you wouldn’t know.”

“Know what?” Connor spat, her finger twitching on the trigger.

He moved like a blur of light. One second he was unarmed, at their mercy. The next, Connor and River were on the floor in a tangle of limbs. The pilot coughed as she tried to suck in air, her sternum screaming in pain where he’d jabbed her with his fingers. He had her gun pointed at her head.

“The secret,” he said with a smile.

TBC


	21. Chapter 21

Breath coming fast and fogging the frigid air, Mal ran through the hallways of the prison colony, no longer seeing the dead that littered the floor around him. His chest burned from both exertion and inhaling the cold. He stumbled over another corpse but kept himself upright by sheer stubborn will, the image of River backed up against a wall while that sadistic son of a bitch advanced on her driving him relentlessly forward.

Mal feared for Connor. He hadn’t seen the pilot on any of the screens in the control room and he couldn’t help but wonder if Wash’s so-called curse had claimed another life. Connor would have died before she left River alone with that monster. The knowledge made his throat ache.

His steps finally faltered when he discovered a hallway littered with dead Reavers. Some had died with bullet holes in them; more still had been blown to bits by a grenade. Mal swallowed, afraid he’d just discovered the fate that had befallen his pilot. He expected to find her ravaged body among the carnage and was only mildly relieved when he didn’t.

Unable to do anything but move, Mal did, resuming his path to River as his grip tightened on the pistol in his hand. Knowing the ships in orbit could blow him to hell and back at any moment added a barely-restrained, jerky sort of panic to his steps. He’d known this mission would be hard. He’d known it might be fatal for some of his crew, but nothing had prepared him for a prison for the dead, a passel of Reavers, and an Operative closing in on his crew as the Alliance prepared to turn the planet under his feet into space dust.

“Just our luck,” he grumped as he jumped over another dead Reaver.

****

On her knees, the cold soaking through her clothes to chill the skin beneath, Connor stared down the gaping barrel of a gun. She refused to yield to the fear and rage that wanted to surge up and swallow her whole. Giving in to either would just get her and River killed, and Connor knew she’d be damned before she let another Operative take someone else she cared about. Still gasping from where the bastard had jabbed her, the pilot put as much of her body between the gun and River as she could, her gaze moving beyond the barrel to glare at the man that held her own gun at her head.

The Operative looked so smug Connor wanted to scream.

River’s touch tangled in the pilot’s jacket once more, but Connor felt like River was holding her back rather than clutching at her in fear. This close, this upset, Connor guessed River could read every thought that tumbled through her head, could feel every emotion that wracked her soul.

Flashes of her family… of their smiles and laughs, contorted to images of blood and death. Connor clamped down on the memories, feeling River’s hand twist in her coat before the younger woman’s body pressed flush against her own, River offering her the only comfort she could.

“What secret?” Sarah finally ground out, bracing to feel the searing pain of hot metal burn through her body as he pulled the trigger and put a bullet in her.

The Operative stared at her for a long, placid moment. With a soft sigh, the pistol twirled backward in his grip as he reversed his hold, offering the weapon back to Connor butt first.

The pilot stared at him incredulously.

“Take it,” the man insisted. “I only have honorable intentions.”

“Your kind don’t know the meaning of the word,” Connor said, her gaze drawn to the pistol hovering at eye level again before shifting back up to a pair of lifeless brown eyes.

He smiled. “If I’d wanted you dead, I would have let those Alliance soldiers kill you and Mr. Cobb when you stopped for supplies. You looked lovely in that dress.” He took satisfaction in the widening of the pilot’s eyes before he waggled the weapon at her. “Take it, Sarah. I wouldn’t need it to kill you.”

Connor felt ill hearing her first name fall from his lips. His kind was the very reason she’d stopped using it. She eyed the gun, calculating her odds. “You think this is a game?”

“It’s no game,” he said politely. “Please.”

Left with no other options, Connor reached for the weapon. She saw his shoulders relax, as if he was relieved she was going to cooperate, until the moment when she slapped the gun aside. She heard his gasp of surprise and pressed her advantage, tearing herself away from River as she sprung up like a cat from the floor. The gun clattered away as Connor drove her head into his stomach, wrapping her arms around his waist and using the last ounce of her reserves to pick him up and throw him backward. She had a moment of satisfaction when she heard him grunt in pain before the air rushed from his lungs.

The moment was fleeting.

They hit the wall, their coats slipping over the ice before they tumbled to the floor, both grappling for the advantage, which the Operative quickly and efficiently gained. One solid blow knocked Connor sideways and staggered her onto her back. The next snapped her head into the metal floor with a sick crack. Connor saw stars flare behind her eyelids, and a warning went unspoken on her tongue as blackness rushed up and consumed her.

The Operative was pulling back to deliver another blow when River blindsided him, her thin form plowing into him with startling force and knocking him off the pilot as River released a howl of rage in the form of Sarah’s name.

The woman who descended on him was nothing like the assassin he had expected. River fought with her hands, feet, even her teeth, as she did her best to kill him. He could feel River’s fatigue in her blows, but anger and something else drove her to fight him ferociously. For the first time since entering the prison, he felt genuine fear for his life.

Finally getting a boot between them, the Operative kicked River back, slamming her into the wall. “I don’t want this,” he insisted as he scrambled ungracefully to his feet, several cuts and scrapes on his face oozing blood.

River’s gaze slid to Sarah, lying cold and motionless on the floor. The Operative saw the emotion enter her eyes, the look of longing and worry she directed at the pilot in that fleeting gaze before she focused on him once more. He swallowed at the hate she directed his way, so thick he could almost taste it. “River,” he murmured as his hands started to ease away from his sides.

She didn’t give him the chance to surrender, spinning around effortlessly before delivering a sharp kick across his jaw that sent him sprawling. Ice pelted River’s face as the Operative threw a handful at her before she could land another blow. Turning her face to protect her eyes, River once again saw Sarah’s body. She was too still, too quiet. For an instant, River was torn between touching Sarah and fighting for her. Her feet faltered as her mind tried to make a choice.

A sudden, frantic feeling flushed through her, and River stumbled, confused by the source, giving the Operative a chance to get the upper hand. He grabbed her by the back of the coat and shoved her hard toward the wall. She only just managed to plant her feet so she could rush up the icy surface, flipping over his back with negligent ease.

Mal, River realized as her boots struck the metal grate underfoot. It was Mal that was in a sudden panic. She couldn’t spare him another thought as the Operative turned and the fight resumed in earnest.

River kicked out, blocking his next blow, the ghosts of Wash, Shepherd Book, and the very real presence of Sarah behind her driving her on. Mal’s urgency laced her emotions with a chaotic edge, making it hard for River to think through the deluge of feelings. She could only fight, letting pure instinct guide her body through the proper motions. The Operative’s next strike landed a glancing blow just below her ribs, but River pivoted, spinning behind him like a dancer as his momentum carried him forward. Lashing out, she landed a solid elbow to the back of his head.

The Operative stumbled, catching himself against the icy wall and slipping sideways as River’s boot connected with the surface where he’d just landed, cracking off a huge chunk of ice and sending it shattering across the floor.

Even weak, River Tam was a force to be reckoned with, the Operative realized. He turned toward her and saw an opening, attempting what should have been a debilitating jab to her stomach, only to have his wrist deflected and clamped with shocking strength as River pulled them both around until they crashed into a partially open door before tumbling through it.

“River,” he tried again when they broke apart and circled one another warily. “It doesn’t have to be like this.”

“I won’t let you bring death. Not again.” River felt the burn of tears, the cold lance of irrational fear that bored through her. She thought of Sarah, felt the pilot stirring back into consciousness somewhere deep in her soul. His kind had hurt her so much. She wouldn’t let them hurt her anymore. She surged forward, landing a solid punch that took the man off his feet. He caught her coat on the way down, dragging her with him.

Dazed, Connor shook off her confusion and scooped up her pistol. She scrambled on hands and knees into the cell, barely making it to her feet before falling backward again as River and the Operative crashed into her. Her pistol was wrenched from her hand, bouncing uselessly away. Her only weapons left, Connor used her fists, pummeling the Operative in the mouth to force him to let go of River.

There was the sound of a gun cocking and all of them went still in a tangled heap on the floor. Three sets of eyes drifted heavenward to find Mal, his weapon pointed at the Operative’s head.

“This is getting tedious,” the man huffed, bringing his fingers to his split and bloodied lip.

“I told you what I’d do to you if you ever came near me and mine again,” Mal stated flatly. “And I know your penchant for wearing body armor so I’ll be aiming for that big pretty head of yours this time.”

The Operative sighed as Connor gripped River’s shoulder and pulled the younger woman away from him. He watched them with keen interest, noting the way they rested against one another, the way the pilot’s hand came up to cradle River’s face to check the younger Tam for injuries. With a faint, knowing smirk his gaze slid back to Mal. “We don’t have time for this. As we speak, the Alliance ships could be powering their weapons.”

“You would be right about that,” Mal said through clenched teeth, ignoring the sharp glances Connor and River turned his way. “So I’d best be pulling this here trigger so we can be on our merry little way.”

“Wait.” The Operative held his hands out to his sides. “You shoot me, you won’t know what this is all about.”

Connor put her back against the wall and used it to leverage herself up, dragging River by the elbow along with her before pulling her shivering body closer.

Mal’s gaze slid to Connor and River. As relieved as he was to see his pilot alive, they both looked a mess, covered in blood and bruises. His jaw hardened and his finger flexed on the trigger. “I’m thinking I can live with that.”

“Can you?” the Operative asked mildly. “Or will taking revenge over learning the truth just bring death to your door in ways you cannot imagine?”

“We should go,” Connor insisted to Mal, wanting to get River the hell out of there. “Either shoot him or take him with us,” she told the captain, not relishing the idea of having the Operative on-board in the least, but accepting his presence might be the only way to get answers.

“I would suggest the latter,” the Operative pointed out in a calm voice, his gaze locked with Mal’s. He gave the captain a serene smile. “I’m here to help you, Malcolm. I’m here to help your whole crew. Now, as your pilot says, either shoot me or take me with you. We’re out of time.”

****

The helm felt slick and warm under Kaylee’s sweating palms. This wasn’t her place. She was supposed to be in the engine room, not sitting in a dead man’s chair piloting a passenger-less Serenity toward a penal colony. Her gaze darted to the monitors, checking the status of the ships in orbit. Apparently blowing up the planet was still on the Alliance’s agenda as they continued to power weapons. Kaylee swore softly, almost afraid to make any more noise in the deathly quiet of the bridge. There was only the soft static from the radio and the purr of the engines, the rest of the ship empty and silent.

Kaylee was glad she didn’t have to pilot by sight. The snow the engines kicked up whipped angrily across Serenity’s viewport, still trying to bury the little firefly even in flight. No one was answering their radios, and Kaylee felt her fears mounting with each passing mile. She was closing in on the prison, but if the others didn’t respond soon then they were all as good as humped.

“C’mon,” she whispered as she scooped up the radio again. “Cap’n? Zoe? Come in.” More static greeted her and Kaylee struggled to keep her hands from shaking. “Connor? Jayne? Anybody read me?”

“Kaylee?” Inara’s voice suddenly cut through the white noise and startled the mechanic, as if the companion had just snuck up behind her. “Where are you?”

“Halfway to you. We got problems,” Kaylee replied.

There was a jostling sound followed by an ominous click. Kaylee felt her stomach twist with worry until she heard Jayne’s voice sounding strangely congested.

“We got Reavers here. Zoe’s hurt.”

“Reavers,” Kaylee whispered feeling a chill take her that had nothing to do with the icy planet. She shook her head. “Bigger problems than that,” she answered. “Ships in orbit are powerin’ ball busters.”

There was a pause followed by Jayne’s unmistakable voice. “Gorram it!”

Kaylee clenched her jaw and focused on flying since Jayne had taken over the radio with a long string of Chinese curses.

“Ball busters?” Inara asked Zoe as Simon buckled the second-in-command into a chair inside the shuttle.

“Laser,” Zoe answered tiredly. “One powerful enough to blow a planet apart.”

Inara blinked, the only outward sign that she’d been affected by the news. She put her hand on Zoe’s knee, squeezing gently before reaching out with her other hand to brush a lock of damp hair away from Zoe’s proud features. Inara felt eyes on her and she was startled to see Simon watching her with open curiosity. Inara cleared her throat and stepped back, going all business. “Care for her,” she ordered, hoping she didn’t sound as rattled as she felt before heading to the front of the shuttle.

“That… was the plan,” Simon murmured before he stripped out of his jacket and tossed it aside.

“Give me that,” Inara sniped, ripping the radio out of Jayne’s grip and ignoring the undignified hand gesture he gave her in response. “Kaylee, how much time do we have?”

“Figure they’re ‘bout at seventy five percent.” Kaylee bit her lip, hoping the shuttle would be able to meet her halfway; otherwise they’d be skating way too close for comfort.

“We have five minutes,” Inara wagered. “We’re going to take them. Mal, River, and Connor are still inside.”

“Oh jeez,” Kaylee whined, fear lacing her voice. “Understood.” The mechanic took an unsteady breath, not even noticing when her foot accidentally kicked a small, velvet box further under the helm. “Come on, Cap’n,” she whispered.

****

“The firefly is on the move.”

“Saw us powering weapons did they?” Commander James Ellison smiled as he laced his fingers behind his back, eyeing the icy visage of Nix out the viewport window. The prison planet loomed large, and he drank in its ghostly image, knowing it would soon be nothing but chunks of space rock. Reluctantly he turned away, taking in the activity on the bridge of his Alliance vessel. “Is it leaving atmo?”

“No, sir,” a sergeant replied. “Heading toward the prison.”

Ellison stroked his bottom lip with his forefinger as he considered the news. “I’d say they have about ten minutes to clear the planet. Apprise me if it looks like they might make that deadline, Sergeant.”

“Yes, sir.”

With one last glance at the soon to be extinct planet, Ellison picked up his overdue report and began to fill it out. His superiors would be pleased to know everything was going according to plan.

****

They moved through the hallways at a pace too slow for Mal’s liking, but Connor and River were in no shape to run. The two members of his crew held onto one another behind him, each trying to keep the other upright and moving. Mal had made sure to position himself between them and the Operative, his gun trained on the bastard’s back.

“You should let me help,” the Operative called over his shoulder. “We could move this along.”

Connor gritted her teeth, knowing she was holding them up, but her damn concussion was making the usually effortless process of putting one foot in front of the other exceedingly hard. They could all die, even River… especially River, if she continued to slow them down. But the thought of him touching her made Connor’s stomach twist and her skin crawl.

Mal risked a look back at them, his gaze meeting Connor’s and lingering there. The pilot realized he was leaving the choice up to her, and she felt an unexpected flare of gratitude toward the captain. Sucking in a hurting breath, she gave Mal a tight nod and stopped moving.

“Sarah,” River whispered, clearly not liking the idea of the Operative touching her anymore than Connor did. Sarah gave River’s shoulder a brief squeeze, hoping it conveyed the emotions that she couldn’t voice.

The Operative realized everyone had stopped and he turned, genuinely surprised the pilot was going to allow the contact. After a brief hesitation, he moved swiftly to her side, grabbing her arm and slinging it around his shoulders before she could change her mind. Connor hissed in pain and he felt her natural instinct to jerk away from him shudder through her body as she fought her revulsion. His lips pursed into a thin line of understanding.

“I am sorry,” the Operative murmured, compelled to utter the words.

“Just shut up and walk,” Connor said through her teeth, angry with herself and her circumstances that left her with no choice but to accept his unwanted help. His very touch felt like a betrayal to her family, and she became intently aware of the locket around her neck, the silver suddenly ice cold against her skin.

Mal kept his gun on the man, maneuvering quickly behind the trio as he adjusted the bag slung over his shoulder. “You heard the lady.”

River moved even closer to the pilot but her gaze was fixed on the Operative, seemingly daring him to try to do Sarah harm. “Try anything and I’ll kill you,” she vowed.

Connor turned her head and felt a thread of bemusement worm through her. She managed a slight smirk for River when the younger woman finally glanced at her, and Connor was charmed to see a blush rise on River’s cheeks as they began moving again, much more swiftly than before.

“No doubt,” the Operative replied mostly to himself, grunting a little at his own wounds and how they complained under the pilot’s added weight.

Mal kept an eye on all of them as he tried his radio again. If the others hadn’t made it back to the shuttle then they were all going to be in a right fine ugly mess. He swore when static snapped back at him, only to feel his hackles rise as the Operative chuckled mirthlessly.

“Did you really think your radios would work in here?” he asked. “This place is shielded to all frequencies save for those the guards are assigned. Your radio will work once you’re beyond the prison walls.”

“Ain’t you just a wealth of information,” Mal grumbled, not liking how stupid the man made him feel in the least.

“I certainly hope so,” the Operative murmured as they rounded another corner.

“Going to be a tight fit in that shuttle,” Connor muttered, her mind trying to focus on anything but the man touching her. The shuttles were meant to hold four or five comfortably. With eight on-board, Connor hoped they could get the damn thing off the ground in the bitter cold.

“You’re not flying.” River noted Connor’s startled glance toward her and she managed the thinnest trace of a smile. “I’m not reading your thoughts. It’s just easy to guess what you’re thinking.”

“You ain’t flying, either, Little Albatross,” Mal told River, his gaze still fixed solidly on the Operative’s back. “Inara knows the shuttles better than anyone. She can get us back to Serenity.”

Connor gave up on having any more say in anything at the moment. She just held on, relieved to round the final corner as they headed for freedom from this cold hell.

****

“Inara, we got to go!” Jayne demanded.

“We’re not leaving them,” the companion snapped, her hands kept from shaking by gripping the helm so hard her knuckles were white. The shuttle was already powered up and purring, just waiting to lift off. “They have another sixty seconds…”

“In another sixty seconds we could all get dead,” Jayne pointed out. “Not much good you being all noble will get you then.”

Inara’s jaw clenched, pulsing beneath her flawless skin, but she didn’t bother to respond.

“Gorram it, woman,” Jayne spluttered in frustration at her calm, giving up on words and going for his sidearm. He paused, his fingers barely closing over the butt when he heard the whine of another weapon being primed. He glanced back at Zoe, finding the second-in-command with her pistol already drawn and pointed at his head.

“You’ll want to leave that alone,” Zoe said smoothly, no hint of weakness in the hand holding the weapon. It didn’t waver in the slightest.

“I wasn’t gonna shoot her,” Jayne protested but he held his hands out away from his sides all the same. “Just… persuade her a bit was all.”

“I’d prefer we all put the guns away. Bullets ricochet and this is a small space,” Simon reminded them calmly as he continued to treat the gash on Zoe’s temple.

Zoe gave the doctor a wry look and lowered the gun back into her lap.

A sudden pounding on the door made them all jump.

“Knew they’d make it back in time,” Jayne announced, missing the others as they all rolled their eyes. He threw the latch and slid the door open, letting in a bitter blast of cold air as River, soaking wet and bloody, pulled a woozy Connor into the shuttle and away from the Operative.

Simon and Inara surged to their feet as Jayne and Zoe drew their weapons in unison, pointing their guns at the familiar but unwelcome face they discovered at their door. The Operative tripped and stumbled inside as Mal pushed him, landing on his knees in a dusting of snow in front of the doctor.

“Mal…” Inara blurted as he climbed inside only to fall silent when she saw the condition Connor and River were in. She swore softly.

“Time to go.” Mal put a boot in the Operative’s back and forced him face first down on the floor. “You, stay there, or the doc’s shiny boots will be the last thing you ever see.”

The Operative sighed but kept his hands to his sides as River eased Connor into the only remaining chair and began to buckle her in.

Connor shook her head, feeling the heat of the shuttle buffet her chilled cheeks as her damp hair tumbled over her forehead. “Help Inara,” she ordered gently, reaching up to wipe a few melting flakes of snow off River’s brow. “I’ll be okay.”

“Sarah…” River protested, clearly not believing the pilot for a moment.

“She needs you more than I do right now.” Connor quirked her lips. “You can tend to me later.”

River’s features took on a determined cast that indicated she would make sure she did just that. The thought made Connor’s stomach flutter and she felt a sudden, sensuous warmth steal through her. River must have gotten a taste of her reaction for she paused, their gazes meeting and holding intently for a long moment.

“I…” River failed to find any more words, her brain overloaded by the unexpected physical reaction Sarah’s thoughts and feelings created. She swallowed and almost toppled backward when Mal grabbed her shoulder and gave her a gentle tug toward the front of the shuttle.

“Alliance. Laser. Planet about to blow up,” Mal reminded the young woman.

River shook herself and gave the captain an apologetic glance as she passed. Her gaze drifted to the worried expression on her brother’s face. “You should see the other guy,” she joked faintly.

Simon felt the tension in his body relax at the sight of her and he responded with a hint of a smile, relieved to see the clarity in his sister’s eyes. Having done all he could for Zoe, Simon patted her on the shoulder. She nodded, understanding that he wanted to switch his focus to Connor, but Zoe’s eyes never strayed from the man on the floor at her feet.

The shuttle went vertical without warning. Everyone swayed as it turned and rocketed away from the prison, the snow that had gathered while they were inside ripping away from the windows in chunks that scraped against the hull as the shuttle gained speed.

Inara forced herself to keep her gaze on the helm and not on her young friend’s bruised and bleeding features. River was a mess, and Inara felt cold and brittle anger at Mal for putting them through all this. It only made matters worse that Mal had dragged that bastard onboard with him… that the man responsible for Wash’s death was breathing the same air as Zoe. Inara swallowed and pushed the throttle, forcing the shuttle to fly harder and faster than it wanted to go.

Mal fixed on Zoe. She was still as a statue, her gaze intent on the Operative as her finger traced the trigger of her gun. The captain had seen that look before and his stomach went cold, aching for his friend and all the pain he knew was boiling beneath the surface. As if sensing his gaze, Zoe looked up at him as Simon settled next to Connor, titling the tired pilot’s face toward the light.

“What is he doing here?” Zoe asked, her voice deceptively calm.

“I reckon we’re gonna find out soon,” Mal promised her.

****

Mal was out the door of the shuttle the moment the docking clamps engaged, his shoulder banging into the wall in his haste. He winced and staggered before regaining his momentum, ignoring the sounds of his crew disembarking behind him. He had to trust Jayne and Inara to get the Operative into the hold, and he prayed Zoe wouldn’t put a bullet in the man before then. Not that he would blame her a bit if she did.

Setting his worries for his crew aside, Mal shouldered the bag and kept running.

Kaylee nearly sagged in relief when she heard the captain’s familiar footsteps pounding up the stairs. She unbuckled her harness with one hand, keeping the other on the helm. “Never been so happy to see you…” She declared only to have her voice fade at Mal took a seat in the co-pilot’s chair, slinging the bag over his shoulder down onto the floor as he sat. Kaylee’s head whipped around as she looked behind her, searching for signs of either River or Connor. Her stomach plunged when she saw neither. “Cap’n?”

“Keep flying, Kaylee,” Mal told her as he strapped in.

“But Connor… River…” Kaylee peeked behind her again, hoping to see their friendly faces.

“Ain’t in no condition,” Mal said tightly. He gripped the helm, his knuckles whitening as he channeled his anger into his ship.

Kaylee stared at him, her thoughts picturing the worst. “Oh God…” She shook herself. “I should… the engine…”

“Jayne knows what to push and when.” Mal felt the firefly beginning to shudder as it surged toward atmo.

“Jayne?” Kaylee almost yelled in mortification. “You let him near my…?”

“Kaylee!” Mal shouted and his volume was enough to snap Kaylee back to the seriousness of the moment.

Kaylee gripped the helm, helping the captain to hold the ship steady as they flung toward the heavens. “Ain’t neither of us good enough to go up against an Alliance ship, Cap’n,” she murmured. “Let alone two of ‘em.”

“We don’t gotta,” Mal said. “We just gotta break atmo and run like hell.”

“They’re gonna see us comin’,” Kaylee told him in a subdued voice.

The ship continued to shudder around them for a long moment.

“I know,” Mal finally breathed.

TBC


	22. Chapter 22

There was no conversation, only the sound of their footfalls on the metal grating. The Operative glanced around Serenity’s cargo bay, studying the ship with interest as they descended. He’d never stepped foot inside her, not even once, but he’d visualized her a thousand times over in his mind. He could sense Serenity was more than a ship to the crew that walked behind him, their weapons pointed at his back. The little firefly was home, and he’d learned from experience that the crew would go to extraordinary lengths to protect her. A sense of safety and security practically oozed from the thickness of the bulkheads around him.

The ship shuddered suddenly and several of the crew grabbed onto the railing to keep their balance. Only Zoe and the Operative didn’t bother.

“Keep moving,” Zoe ordered, jamming her gun into the Operative’s back and giving him a push with the barrel.

They continued down the stairs. The Operative glanced to his side, watching as River veered away with her brother, the pilot between them. Connor was complaining and insisting on walking to the infirmary of her own free will, but River was having none of it, molding herself to the pilot’s side and holding her steady. The Operative suspected Sarah protested too much, as she leaned heavily against the younger woman. They were a striking pair. His mouth curved in a knowing smile.

“You best keep your eyes straight ahead.”

Zoe’s voice was clear and angry behind him, and he did as he was told, lazily directing his attention away from River and back onto the steps. Serenity’s second-in-command was the only one of his escorts he considered truly dangerous. While Zoe Washburne seemed in no condition to do him much harm physically at the moment, he didn’t doubt her skills with her weapon or her desire to use it. He’d given her more than just cause to despise him, and the memories his thoughts drew forth erased the smile from his lips.

When they reached the holding cell just off the galley, the Operative stepped inside quietly, turning just past the threshold to face Zoe with a serene expression.

“Back up,” Zoe ordered, needing him further in the hold so she could close the door. When he didn’t instantly comply her finger flexed on her trigger.

He noticed, his gaze dropping to her weapon. With a slight bow of his head, he stepped further into the cell. He glanced around, taking in his accommodations, or lack thereof, while Jayne fidgeted nervously on the other side of the door. Inara simply looked at him with palpable distaste.

“If you’re going to use that,” the Operative stated calmly to Zoe with a wave at her gun, “I suggest you do so. I believe you’re in need of the doctor’s talents.”

Inara’s gaze jerked off the Operative to study Zoe worriedly. She stepped closer, her hand hesitantly reaching out to lay gently on Zoe’s wrist. “It pains me to say it,” she murmured, “but he’s right.”

Zoe stayed quiet and simply glared at the Operative for a long, tense moment.

“I won’t say nothin’,” Jayne announced into the silence, his voice sounding congested through his broken nose. “We’ll just pretend your finger slipped.”

“You don’t deserve to be on this ship,” Zoe informed the Operative. It seemed to take a conscious effort on her part to pry her finger away from the trigger before she holstered her weapon with more force than necessary.

“I understand your feelings,” the Operative murmured, watching as Inara relaxed marginally but didn’t move away from her crewmate. “I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t of the utmost importance.”

“You will never understand my feelings,” Zoe promised him as she grabbed the door and slid it to with a loud clang, locking it and securing it tight. She turned to look at Jayne. “Get to the engine room.”

He hesitated. “But…”

“Go,” Zoe ordered. “I can stay here until you get back.”

Jayne looked at her dubiously, but he finally growled and trotted away.

“I wouldn’t have blamed you if you’d shot him,” Inara confessed. “But I’m glad you didn’t.”

“Don’t be. As long as my gun has bullets, it’s still a possibility.” Zoe lowered herself onto a bench as she felt her legs turn leaden.

“You should be in the infirmary,” Inara scolded, barely resisting the urge to touch the other woman again. Zoe was in pain, both physically and emotionally, and Inara cursed her inability to offer comfort as much as she hated Zoe’s stubbornness to take any. “I can watch over him.”

Zoe shook her head, the thought of Inara being alone with that bastard making her cold all over. “I’ll stay put till Jayne gets back.” The ship shuddered hard around them again and Zoe frowned as Inara lost her balance and tumbled forward to sit roughly in the chair next to her. “Assuming we live that long.”

****

“What the hell is he doing?” Connor snapped as she lost her footing again, dragging Simon and River into the infirmary doorway with her. They all stumbled inside, catching hold of some portion of the examination chair to stay on their feet. “I should be on the bridge,” she complained.

“The captain is handling it,” River promised, holding onto Sarah as Simon moved away to gather his equipment.

“Is that thought supposed to make me feel better?” The ship lurched again, and Connor fell more than sat in the chair. River began buckling her in instantly, and Connor watched the intense look of concentration on the younger woman’s features with equal parts pique and amusement. “If you’re going to tie me down, could you at least go to the bridge and make sure Mal doesn’t kill us all?”

“I’m not leaving you,” River insisted as he brother swung the light around and turned it on, angling it to better examine the pilot’s head wound.

“I got a bump on the head,” Connor argued, wincing as Simon began gently prodding the injury. “I might be seeing double, but I can still fly a damn bit straighter than Malcolm Reynolds. You should…”

“I’m staying,” River cut her off.

Simon watched as Connor opened her mouth to protest only to shut it abruptly. She stared sulkily at River, but at least she’d stopped squirming. He had to turn away so they wouldn’t see his smile at the pilot’s expense. “Are you seeing double?” he asked.

The pilot sighed. “Not really. Just a little blurry,” she confessed. “Head hurts like a bitch.”

“Given the knot you have back there, that’s no surprise.” Simon picked up an injector, snapping a small vial of medicine on top of it. He turned around, his earlier smile gone as he focused on his patient. He took two steps before he pitched forward and nearly landed across the pilot’s lap as something struck Serenity hard.

“What was that?” Simon wondered when the worst of the shuddering had subsided.

“Rail gun,” River answered matter-of-factly. “Strafed the top of the ship.”

“Lovely,” Simon murmured before setting aside his fears and focusing on what he could fix.

****

The laser activated silently, the sound lost in the vastness and vacuum of space. A ray of pale blue light erupted from the pit of the Alliance ship, the beam as cold and ghostly as the planet in its path as it streaked through the black to drill deep into Nix’s core.

“Well that’s bad,” Mal murmured as the beams of light cut across the viewport, almost blinding in their intensity. The firefly was hurtling straight at one of them. “Um… suggestions?”

Kaylee frantically punched coordinates into the navigational computer. Her hands were shaking so hard she had to do it twice. “They’re firin’,” she announced.

“I can see that,” Mal murmured only to have to resist the sudden, useless urge to duck as another hail of silver streaks rained down on them from the ships in orbit. “Oh. You meant that kinda firing.” He paused as he endured a scathing glare from Kaylee. Mal gripped the helm harder and began to flail the ship about in an amateurish attempt to keep them from being shot out of the sky. He rolled his eyes at his own efforts, kicking himself for sending Connor off to the infirmary.

Kaylee grabbed the radio. “Jayne? Get her ready to go to a full burn.” She let the radio go before he could answer. “This sucks,” she groused to no one in particular, unaware when her foot bumped a tiny velvet box, sending it skipping further across the floor and under a partially open access panel.

“Couldn’t have said it better myself.” The captain winced as another round of gunfire strafed the ship. Serenity groaned, protesting the treatment bitterly. “Oh, c’mon!” the captain yelled, feeling like if it weren’t for bad luck they wouldn’t have any at all.

Behind them, explosions bloomed like red blossoms across the blue and ice of Nix’s surface. The land began to crumble, cracking and tumbling down miles into the heart of the planet. Kaylee reached out and turned the screen off, unwilling to watch the end, even for a place with Nix’s history.

“Why ain’t they throwing more at us?” Mal wondered as he got the ship back under control. He was starting to think the whole flying thing wasn’t so hard.

“Need power for the laser,” Kaylee explained distractedly. “Soon as it shuts off, we’re humped.”

“You mean we aren’t already?”

Another round of fire pummeled the ship and Mal cursed as the helm nearly bucked out of his hands. “That’s it. Time to go!”

“We can’t until the laser…” she started to explain only to watch as Mal punched the button to take them to a full burn. The ship catapulted directly toward one of the beams sheering the planet in half. Not content with getting them merely shot out of the sky, apparently Mal had decided to put them in the middle of a ball-busting laser. Kaylee turned her head and looked at her captain with disgusted disbelief.

“Oops.”

Kaylee began to call the captain every colorful curse word she could think of, rattling them off faster and faster to get in as many as possible as the light from the beam filled the bridge.

Serenity soared under the closest ship. Both the captain and mechanic closed their eyes, waiting to feel the ship ripped apart around them and their bodies burned into vapor. They missed the beam blinking out a microsecond before the ship crossed its threshold.

They also missed the Alliance ships rocketing out of orbit as the enemy put themselves as far away as possible from the impending blast, leaving Malcolm Reynolds and his crew behind to die with the planet below.

For the span of a breath, their world was calm, Serenity powering through space with a trail of golden fire. Then there was a rumble, a shift of air, and a shockwave reached out and flung the firefly through the black.

When everything finally stilled and the lights flickered weakly, Jayne lifted his head from the floor in the engine room, his nose again oozing fresh blood. “We dead?” he asked no one in particular.

****

Connor lifted her head, feeling it swim in a thick pool of medication. The pain was gone, but she didn’t trust her vision as lights flickered in and out. She blinked, willing the world to focus, the sound of labored breathing and the creaking of the ship loud in her ears. “River?” she murmured.

A rustle of fabric and a shift of muscle followed as River eased up and looked worriedly down into Connor’s features. She’d landed across the pilot a few moments before, draping her body protectively over Sarah’s. “You okay?” she breathed.

A faint smile. “Still here,” Connor said. “And in a pretty comfy place at the moment.”

Canting her head, a slow, knowing smile eased across River’s face. “Told you the captain could handle it.”

“Is that what he did?” Connor teased.

River’s answer was to dip her head and gently kiss her.

“I’m perfectly fine,” Simon grumbled from his place on the floor. “No need to worry about me.” He pushed a tray of medical instruments off him and gripped the counter.

River chuckled against Connor’s lips before turning to look at her brother. Reluctantly, she slipped off Sarah’s warm body and helped Simon get to his feet.

Simon eased a hand through his hair and glanced around. “Looks like we’re still in one piece,” he commented casually.

“More or less,” River agreed. “The captain is on his way with Inara. Zoe needs treatment.”

Simon didn’t bother to ask how his sister knew that. He simply nodded before reaching across and unbuckling Connor from the examination chair. “You should be pretty functional in about an hour,” he told the pilot. “Just try to take it easy for a bit.”

Sliding her hand into River’s, Connor let the younger woman help her stand. “Thanks, Doc.”

“And might I recommend showers for the both of you? You’re a mess.”

River and Connor looked at one another.

“Preferably separate showers,” Simon added drolly.

His sister blushed.

Connor slipped a hand through River’s hair before cupping her cheek. “Come find me when you’re done and we’ll talk.”

River closed her eyes and leaned into the welcome touch before nodding wearily. She felt the warm press of Sarah’s lips on her forehead, followed by the absence of Sarah’s heat as the pilot moved unsteadily away. When her eyes blinked open again, Simon was watching her with an expression she’d never seen on his face before.

“You really love her, don’t you?” he asked.

River nodded. “She’s the rest of me. The part that’s been missing.”

Simon’s throat rippled as he swallowed. “I’m happy for you, mei-mei.”

“Hopefully I can be happy for you, too, when Kaylee finds the box you left with her.” River smiled tiredly, shivering now that Connor was gone. With one last weary smirk for the sudden panic on her brother’s features, she left him alone.

****

“I don’t need the doc,” Zoe protested once the ship had stopped shaking.

“Hell you don’t,” Mal disagreed. “Found Inara leaning over you on the floor yellin’ with your eyes back in your head.”

“Your flying caused that,” Zoe groused. “Figured you was trying to shake us to death before the ball buster got us.”

“You nearly found me on the floor with my eyes back in my head as well,” Inara groused almost under her breath.

“Ungrateful,” Mal huffed adjusting his grip on his second-in-command as he led her toward the infirmary. Inara trailed along behind them, her hair mussed and her steps still a little wobbly. “We’re alive, ain’t we?”

“Dumb luck, I’d wager,” the companion added. She swallowed, her stomach still rolling from the wild ride they’d just endured.

“Everyone’s a critic.” Mal helped Zoe down the last of the stairs, gladly handing her off to Simon who was waiting for them.

“What happened up there?” the doctor asked as he took Zoe’s other arm and ushered her into the infirmary. She sank onto the examination chair gratefully.

“Planet blew up. We almost died. The usual.” The captain carefully slung the black bag he’d been carrying on his other shoulder onto a counter top. “Want you to look at the vials in this here bag when you’re done patching up Zoe’s hurts.”

Simon hesitated. His gaze lingered on the bag before jerking back to Mal’s eyes. “What do you think they are?”

“Ain’t got a clue, Doctor. But it’s got Alliance research symbols all over it.”

“We found it in the infirmary,” Inara explained further, her hands coming to rest next to Zoe’s hip on the chair. “But they’ll keep for a moment. Tend to Zoe first.”

“Everybody needs to stop fussing,” Zoe huffed, wincing at the headache pounding away behind her eyes. “You should all be in the galley keeping an eye on our ‘guest.’” She snarled the last word.

Simon shook his head. “You soldiers are all alike. Pretending like you don’t hurt when I know damn well you do.”

“Connor?” Inara guessed, glancing around the space as she realized the pilot and River were missing.

“Just missed her. Treated her for a concussion. She wouldn’t let me do anything else.” Simon sounded both miffed and mildly impressed. “Didn’t want a lot of drugs with that…” he paused and swallowed. “With that man on-board.”

“Neither do I,” Zoe growled at all of them. “Can’t have my reaction time slowed with him so close.”

“He’s locked up. Jayne’s watching him.” Inara tried to sooth the other woman, resisting the urge to run her hand through Zoe’s hair.

Zoe gave her a rueful look. “That’s a comfort?”

Inara sighed, acknowledging that Zoe had an excellent point.

The lights sputtered. All of them held their breath, waiting to see if they would go out. They finally caught and continued to burn.

“Kaylee still working her magic,” Mal murmured with a weak smirk.

Simon tried not to think about the mechanic, about the contents of the bag he’d left with her. He swallowed and began to prepare an injection, hoping the others didn’t see how his hands were shaking.

“Where are River and Connor now?” Inara wanted to know.

“Getting cleaned up. They were both a mess.” Simon glanced up to find the captain watching him. Mal eyed the injector before tipping his head knowingly at Zoe. The doctor hesitated, guessing what the captain was asking for in the silent gesture. He frowned.

“Maybe our luck is finally changing for the better,” Mal breathed. He continued to watch Simon intently, nodding once as the doctor sighed and changed the settings on the injector before pressing it to Zoe’s neck.

The second-in-command hissed as the medicine swam into her blood stream, but she began to feel relief from the pain almost instantly. “We need to get the Operative off this ship,” she told the captain. “No one is safe with that bastard on-board.”

“Zoe.” Inara let her hands curve around Zoe’s wrist, alarmed by how cold her skin was. “He’s not going anywhere. You need to rest.” She leaned over and peered down into Zoe’s hurting brown eyes, getting lost in them for a moment. “Please.”

Mal watched as something flickered across Zoe’s features, a flash of warmth blended with gratitude, before she shut down again and looked away.

“Zoe…” Mal began.

“Sir…” Zoe cut him off, her voice seething. “We should put a bullet in him. He won’t be nothing but trouble.”

“I suspect that’s true,” Mal said again with a gentleness that disarmed all of them. He leaned on the edge of the chair, taking the moment’s rest where he could find it. “We gotta know what’s going on. He’s the only one who knows, the only one who can tell us.”

Swallowing, Zoe had to look away from the compassion she could see in the captain’s eyes. She found similar expressions waiting for her on Simon and Inara’s features. “Fine,” she murmured, her jaw tightening as she eased into a comfortable position. “Once we do, can I shoot him then?” She knew she sounded like a whiny child, but she felt incapable of a more adult argument at the moment.

“Absolutely,” Mal promised earnestly.

Zoe’s lips twitched and she felt some of her anger bleed out of her. A seductive lassitude seemed to be filling her, making it hard to think. “That was some fancy flying you and Kaylee did up there,” Zoe admitted. “Wash would have loved to have seen that.”

Mal smiled hesitantly, ignoring the look Inara shot him. In the years since Wash’s death, Zoe almost never mentioned his name. Hearing it roll off her tongue so effortlessly was a surprise. “I think he would have enjoyed some parts more than others. Like me nearly wetting my pants as we about collided with that beam.”

Zoe nodded, her eyes blinking heavily.

The captain patted her thigh. “Get some rest,” he commanded sternly as he rose to his feet.

“I can’t sleep with him on-board,” Zoe admitted, her voice suddenly slurring.

“Sure you can.” Mal smirked as Zoe’s eyes abruptly rolled back in her head and she slumped sideways. “Especially since I had the doc slip a little something extra in that shot he gave you.” He adjusted her limbs, making sure she would sleep comfortably. “Sweet dreams,” Mal murmured to his second-in-command. He smirked at a startled Inara.

“She’s going to kill you,” Inara informed him blandly, but there was a trace of a smile on her lips.

“Probably,” the captain agreed.

****

Half an hour later, hair wet and clinging to her face from her recent shower, Connor climbed up the ladder from her quarters and stepped out into the hallway. She could hear Mal on the bridge behind her, fussing with some of the fried wiring on the helm. It was tempting to storm up there, to give him hell for the mess he’d just dragged them all through, but she resisted. They were all still alive, and Connor decided to be satisfied with that for now. She could punch Mal later.

Jayne was in the galley, recovering from a broken nose if the bandage and packing in his nostrils was any indication. He was drinking something she could smell across the room, but his eyes were clear and his gun was close as he kept watch over the Operative’s cell. Connor nodded once in greeting and Jayne returned the gesture, neither of them saying a word as she passed through.

Connor’s gaze cut to the hold. Having that bastard onboard made her guts ache, but there was little she could do about him right now.

Kaylee was under the engine. Connor could see the mechanic’s shoes and hear her colorful curses as she worked. She made a mental note to give Kaylee a pat on the back later for her efforts in saving all their asses.

Finally, Connor’s steps took her to the cargo bay and she stood in the middle of it, looking about for something to occupy her mind while she waited for her next opportunity to talk to River.

Her gaze drifted upward to the top tier of the catwalk. It was empty and silent in the cavernous space and Connor almost thought she could hear her breath echo. A thought struck her, of an item she’d seen the first time she’d prowled Serenity from aft to stern. She’d been surprised when she’d stumbled across it. The crew confessed that they often forget it was even there. Apparently Inara and occasionally Kaylee were the only people whoever made use of it.

Figuring she had nothing to lose and some relief from her hurts to gain, Connor headed for the stairs.

****

River couldn’t stop shivering.

The cold wouldn’t come out of her skin, she decided. In Connor’s absence, it was like it had settled deep in her bones, freezing her marrow. She could see the steam rising around her in the shower, could feel the scalding heat of the water on her back, but the cold wouldn’t leave her.

River hurt. She hurt for herself and the crew. For the injuries to their bodies and minds. They’d seen things that no one should ever have to see, been through a hell none of them should have come back from. The crew would have to carry this now. Just like they carried the souls of Miranda. Like they shouldered the souls of Shepherd Book and Wash.

It was too much. The voices were gone, but her responsibility to those who could no longer speak for themselves weighed on her. Her back ached in empathy, a spasm making her wince as she turned under the spray.

She was too cold to cry at the memories, too cold to release the tears that could bring relief from the tightness in her chest. River hung her head, letting the water pummel her as she tried to block out the pain the others were in. Her usual ability to cope was lost in a heavy wave of fatigue.

Finally feeling clean, River shut off the water and grabbed her towel before briskly drying her trembling body. Knowing the Operative was on-board did little to warm her, either, but he was a distant concern at the moment. He would stay where they’d put him. Not because he was especially secure, but because he was where he wanted to be.

Slipping into a light blue robe, River cinched the belt at her waist, ignoring her slippers as she stepped out into the hallway in the passenger quarters. The ship was quiet, only the slow spin of the engine filled the silence as River padded up the stairs. Reaching the top, she closed her eyes, trying to place the one thing that could make her warm again. Being apart from Sarah after what they’d just been through felt wrong. River needed to see the pilot’s familiar green eyes, knowing they would ground her in the here and now rather than the memories of the planet that wanted to overtake her thoughts.

Brown eyes fluttered open and River swayed slightly in place, her hand reaching out to steady herself against nearest the wall. She knew where Sarah was, in a section of the ship River had least expected to find her in. Her heart lurched and began to thump double time as she licked her lips. Feeling the cold beginning to melt away in the sudden heat that rushed through her veins, River chose her path to Sarah and began to walk it with determined steps.

****

The most enticing sight she’d ever seen was waiting for her.

River stared at the large tub. Inara had brought it on-board a ways back, having taken a shine to the intricate design, smooth surface, and how sinfully deep it was. She’d winked when she’d told River it was the perfect size for two and River had blushed as hard then as she was now.

Steam rose from the water, hanging thick and damp in the air. Sarah’s shoulders were visible above the water, the long column of her throat on full display and her head tilted back.

River swallowed, her body shaking for an entirely different reason than before as she took in the pilot. A few candles lit the small space, their reflection rippling across the water and offering River a tantalizing glimpse of curves beneath the surface. Sarah was beautiful, and River felt the pull toward her that she had the moment they’d met. Quietly, she padded closer, waiting for Sarah to open her eyes and acknowledge her, but the pilot almost seemed to be asleep.

Without hesitation, River shed her robe and stealthily sank into the warm water, watching Sarah with a soft smile as she anticipated the reaction her presence would bring. That Sarah hadn’t detected her yet was both a testament to how tired the pilot had to be as well as River’s own skills. She bit her lip, weighing her approach with a devilish glint in her eyes.

Easing her foot through the water, River slid her toe up the pilot’s calf, watching in delight as Sarah jerked, nearly giving her an eyeful of pale skin. The water sloshed as Sarah grabbed her pistol off a small table next to the tub, bringing it around and pointing it at the unrepentant expression on River’s face.

“Wh…” Connor’s voice caught. The sight of River, her bare shoulders peeking above the churning water, stole her breath and she nearly choked. “Sh… you…”

River laughed softly.

The sound burned through Connor’s guts. “River,” Connor gasped, pressing her back against the tub as she lowered the weapon and set it aside. “Damnit it, girlie…”

“Sorry,” River breathed, marveling at how different her own voice sounded to her ears, how breathless and deep, an edge of need she’d never heard before… never felt… coloring her tone.

“What…” Connor swallowed at the way the younger woman was looking at her and her breathing went shallow. Desire, thick and full, settled low in her stomach. River’s eyes were hooded as she watched her, and when the tip of River’s tongue appeared to wet her lips, Connor was pretty damn sure she had to be dreaming.

“I can’t get warm,” River admitted after a tense moment. Her brown eyes locked on Sarah’s as she eased up onto her knees, watching as Sarah’s breathing went even more irregular. The pilot’s gaze dipped to take in the newly revealed flesh before wrenching away to focus with effort on River’s eyes. “It’s okay to look,” River promised her as she eased closer.

“River…” Connor gasped again. She sat frozen as River came closer, easing one knee across the pilot’s lap, hovering inches above her. She could feel River’s heat, could imagine how good she would feel against her. Her hands balled into fists at her sides as she fought the urge to pull the younger woman in. “You… I don’t…”

The candles fluttered. River could smell them as she breathed Sarah in, tasting the mineral tang of the water on the back of her tongue. Slowly, River dipped her head. “Make me warm,” she whispered against the pilot’s lips.

Connor groaned as River’s body finally brushed warm and solid against her own.

River’s hands came to rest on Sarah’s shoulders, just an inch shy of the pilot’s neck. Sarah was watching her intently, her eyes heavy lidded, her breathing short and shallow. She didn’t move, just waited for River to take the next step. “Can I touch… more of you?” River managed to ask, her throat strangely dry.

A slight shudder rattled Connor’s frame at the question.

“Are you cold?” River asked, instantly solicitous.

“Definitely not,” Connor ground out in a strangled voice. She swallowed, her throat rippling hard. “River…”

River stared, her thumbs beginning to slowly stroke warm, wet skin. She licked her lips. “I need to touch you,” she confessed. She inhaled slowly, deeply. “I need you to touch me.”

Connor closed her eyes. Her nostrils flared as River took her silence for acceptance and let her fingers trace the pilot’s collarbones. The touch felt both innocent and sinful, and Connor ached to feel the younger woman’s hands sink lower, to slip beneath the water and explore. “Are you sure…” she began only to have her words captured by the soft, slow tease of River’s tongue as she kissed her.

There were no more words. No more hesitating. Connor’s fists relaxed as her hands drifted up, slipping over River’s hips and pulling her closer. River inhaled sharply against Connor’s mouth only to press tighter against her a moment later when the pilot’s touch skimmed up her spine.

“Oh,” River breathed brokenly. The word sounding like she’d suddenly understood something she hadn’t before. Connor was pretty damn sure it was the sexiest sound she’d ever heard.

River felt the touch all over, could feel Sarah’s hands banishing the cold that had consumed her. The memories that had plagued her in the shower, both fresh and old, couldn’t compete with the sensations Sarah was stoking inside her. Now there was only a unique kind of heat, one that felt caged in the pit of her guts. Every caress, every kiss, sent tendrils of it free to lick a path of fire along River’s veins.

“You okay?” Connor asked, pausing and pulling back just enough to catch and hold River’s gaze.

“Don’t stop,” River pleaded as she closed the distance between them, claiming Sarah’s mouth in a searing kiss that made her body sing. She slid against the other woman, savoring the friction and the way the water swirled around their joined bodies as she moved.

“Getting warm yet?” Connor murmured as she moved to tease the rim of River’s ear with her teeth.

River’s hands flexed on the pilot’s shoulders before slipping beneath the water. It was hard to think through her desire, harder still when she could feel Sarah’s mingling with her own. This close, this unguarded, River could barely tell where she ended and Sarah began. Her body flushed with need as she moved against the pilot, craving the other woman’s touch with a desperation that would have been frightening if the sensations rippling through her body didn’t feel so good.

When Sarah’s hands finally cupped her breasts, savoring the size and weight of them, River answered with a sound that made Sarah shiver against her, the pilot’s palms and fingers clenching and sending fire arcing through River’s veins.

River tried to whisper her lover’s name but it caught in her throat as Sarah’s thigh eased between her own and pressed against her with deliberate intent. It was the touch she’d been aching for and River moaned, grinding her body against Sarah’s without reservation, soaking in the pleasure that burned through her body.

Finding River’s mouth again, Connor slid her fingers through the younger woman’s hair and swallowed the tiny, provocative sounds emerging from the back of River’s throat. River moved against her like a dancer, her hips rocking and swirling with the water around them. Her rhythm was flawless and powerful as she took what Sarah offered, both physically and emotionally, willingly drowning in the other woman.

Hands drifting up over wet and slick skin, Connor pressed River closer as she kissed her again, their tongues tangling as their bodies moved seamlessly together. But River’s sharp inhalation sounded different this time, the skin hotter than it should have been under Sarah’s fingers. The pilot pulled back, studying her lover’s features with worry. “What’s wrong?” she managed to ask.

“Nothing.” River dipped her head and swiftly kissed her, hard.

Frowning, Connor pushed lightly on the spot on River’s back once more and achieved the same result. Her palms shifted to River’s shoulders and she pushed the younger woman back. “That’s not nothing.”

River swallowed, her breath coming hard and fast. “It’s just a bruise,” she promised, leaning toward Sarah again.

“Let me see,” Connor ordered.

“Sarah…”

“River,” Connor answered in a tone that brooked no argument. Water sloshed over the side as Sarah eased forward, urging River to turn around with a wave of her hand. The younger woman did so reluctantly, and Connor found herself sucking down a harsh breath for a totally different reason.

Large, lurid bruises dotted River’s back. Connor’s jaw clenched as she hesitantly reached out and touched the worst of them, a mottled spot on River’s right shoulder blade. “Did Simon see these?”

River shut her eyes, feeling the pilot’s soft touch deep in her guts. “Could we not talk about my brother right now?” she almost whined.

Connor bit her lip in amusement. “Do they hurt?” she asked, sliding closer to River’s back, the warm water tickling their skin.

River blinked, feeling Sarah’s breath ghosting against her shoulder. She had to swallow before she could answer. “Yes,” she confessed. “But what you were doing before…” she paused, searching for the words.

“Had you feeling no pain?” Connor asked with a smirk before gently kissing River’s shoulder, watching as the skin rippled under her touch.

River merely nodded, turning her head to grant more access as Connor brushed aside her hair and began to bathe her neck in slow, deliberate kisses. Her eyelids fluttered shut as the pilot playfully bit down, her tongue flicking over River’s skin before Sarah began to drag her teeth up the long column of River’s throat. River felt the sensation everywhere, and she moaned her approval.

Careful to avoid the worst of River’s injuries, Connor eased closer. She made a mental note that she would be tending to River rather than the other way around tonight, but for now, she was going to give River what the other woman needed.

Connor’s touch eased around River’s waist, resting on the flat plane of River’s stomach, which twitched eagerly under Connor’s fingers. She closed her eyes and breathed River in, savoring the heat of her, the way River struggled to breathe though her pleasure. River was uninhibited, unashamed with her body and what it craved as she arched into Connor’s touch. When River whispered Sarah’s name, her hips rising up as the pilot’s fingers slipped down, Connor shuddered, her own moan escaping her as an answering sensation begin to build inside her.

The hesitant knock on the door had them both freezing, gasping in time with Connor’s fingers a moment away from their intended target.

TBC


	23. Chapter 23

The former Operative sat in his makeshift cell, listening to the sounds of Serenity limping along through the black. Once upon a time, he would have regretted that the Alliance had missed out on a mechanic with Kaylee Frye’s skills. No longer. Now he was privately glad she’d grown up on a planet his former superiors had spared little interest in.

Her carefree spirit would have been caged, possibly broken. Much like Mal’s and Sarah’s. They needed to be free. Independent. They wanted to live under no one’s rules but their own. He used to think people like them were selfish.

He’d been blind.

Sighing softly, he settled against the bulkhead, feeling the purr of Serenity’s engines vibrating through his back. He was tired. His pursuit of Reynolds had consumed every waking moment for the last few weeks. And then there had been his mission before that, his new purpose. His hands, once smooth, were now rough with calluses, as he’d built up that which the Alliance had done its best to tear down. He stared at his palms, remembering both the good and bad he’d committed with them.

The temptation to lie down, to sleep if only for a little while, had his eyes slipping closed. There would be no rest, though. Not until he’d shared what he’d come to share. He’d risked everything coming this far and he had one last vital step to take.

The fact that he hadn’t been killed thus far was a definite success in his book. He’d certainly given Serenity’s crew every valid reason, and the fact that Zoe had holstered her weapon rather than use it on him spoke more to the content of her character than it did to his luck. He’d already respected her before, but his estimation of her had grown in that moment. If only his presence didn’t cause her so much pain. There was nothing he could do about that short of dying, he conceded, so he didn’t dwell on the fact.

He imagined Sarah had to feel the same. Not because he’d personally done her harm, but because of the ugliness that his kind had heaped upon her and her family. Even at the time, when he’d heard what many of his brothers were being sent to do, he’d thought it overkill, unnecessary brutality. He’d been secretly relieved to play no part in it, even though he would have followed through on the orders had he been issued them.

And then there was River. Seeing her in person for the first time had not gone as he had hoped, but their violent encounter had not been unexpected. She knew what he was. What he had been and would become. For a woman charged with avenging souls that could no longer speak for themselves, he was the worst kind of evil. Souls clung to him, ghosts of the past he could not outrun, no matter how hard he tried. Maybe she could feel them, talk to them and hate him as much as they did for taking that which he had no right to take.

But River had still been a beautiful creature in his eyes. A woman of deadly grace. Despite his wounds, the former Operative was glad he’d had that moment with her.

Slowly, he opened his eyes. Perhaps an hour or so had passed since their escape from the planet. Surely the crew had tended to their wounds by now. It was time.

Uncoiling from the floor and rising smoothly, he approached the door. He knew Cobb was in the other room, that he would hear him.

With a sigh for the end of one chapter and the beginning of another, he politely knocked on the door.

****

“There’s no reason for you to stay. She’ll be asleep for quite a while.”

Inara lifted her head and smiled wearily at Simon. Zoe was sedated in the examination chair between them, her breathing deep and peaceful. Inara almost envied her. “I’m staying more for myself than for her,” the companion confessed. She reached out and ran her hand down Zoe’s arm. “She gave us a scare down there.”

“River knew,” Simon remembered. “She screamed her name.”

Figuring it hurt no one, Inara intertwined her fingers with Zoe’s, feeling the contact steady her nerves in a way little else had over the last hour or so. They were home. They were safe. The hell that had been Nix was gone forever, but Inara could still feel the cold clinging to her. She could still taste the terror.

Simon glanced toward the infirmary door. He really needed to find Kaylee but he hesitated to leave Inara or his patient alone. The doctor could only hope it wasn’t a troubling sign that Kaylee hadn’t sought him out since his return. Sighing, he turned toward the counter and the bag the captain had left in his charge. He unzipped it and scooped out several airtight vials that clinked harmlessly in his hand.

“Do you recognize the contents?” Inara asked as she watched him, the reminder of where they’d been and what they’d survive making her shiver.

The doctor shrugged. “Could be water for all I know. The labels are just numbers.” He frowned. “I’ll want to suit up before opening them, just in case anything in here acts as an airborne agent.” He watched as Inara tensed, her grip tightening on Zoe’s hand. “Don’t worry. I can run a few tests with the contents still in the vials. I’ll wait until Zoe is sleeping in her own quarters before I take a closer look.”

“Of course you will,” Inara said with a tight, apologetic smile, realizing Simon had picked up on her concern. “I guess I’m just being…”

“Protective,” Simon finished for her with a weak smile of his own. “It’s okay. You’re allowed to be. Especially after the day we’ve all had.”

“Am I?” Inara breathed as her gaze lowered once more to Zoe’s features. “She doesn’t want us to care; doesn’t want us to worry.”

“Sounds like a lot of the people on this ship,” Simon murmured good-naturally.

“True,” Inara allowed with a slight roll of her eyes. “She and Mal are cut from the same cloth in that regard.”

“Is that a good thing?”

Inara chuckled. “Exasperating, perhaps, but it’s a part of their charm as well.”

“If you say so,” Simon murmured. He scratched his chin, debating whether or not to say what was weighing on his mind. “You… um… talk to Kaylee?”

Sensing an odd note in the doctor’s voice, Inara lifted her head again from her study of Zoe’s peaceful features. “Kaylee? No, why?”

Simon turned back to the vials. “Just making conversation,” he said quickly.

Inara paused, mulling over Simon’s tone and sudden change in behavior. “Is there some reason she would have wanted to talk to me?”

The doctor gave an exaggerated shrug. “No. No reason,” he answered quickly, not turning around to face the companion.

“I’m told she’s fine. Clearly since the ship is still moving and we’re all still breathing.”

Simon nodded. “I’ll… go check on her in a bit.”

Inara narrowed her eyes, now determined to dig out whatever the doctor was hiding. “What is it, Simon?”

He sighed and slowly turned. “It’s just… I left her with something… before we went to the planet.”

“Something?” Inara prompted, needing clarification.

Simon cleared his throat. “A ring.”

Inara’s eyes widened almost comically. “Oh,” she breathed. “And Kaylee hasn’t said anything…” She let her words trail off as Simon shook his head morosely. “What was her reaction when you gave her this… ring?”

“Well,” the doctor began, “she hadn’t actually seen the ring when I left. I sort of chickened out and gave it to her in a bag.”

The companion brought a hand to her lips to stifle the inappropriate laughter that wanted to escape.

“I know. I’m pathetic. The most unromantic man in the ‘Verse.”

Bemused, Inara offered him a genuine smile. “Maybe in all the fuss she hasn’t had a chance to open it,” she suggested.

“You think?” Simon wondered hopefully.

“Simon, if you’d given Kaylee a ring, I can guarantee I would have heard about it from her by now.” She paused, and then continued, “The whole ship would have heard about it by now.”

Feeling slightly better, Simon managed a slight grin of his own. “She does tend to share…”

“She does indeed,” Inara confirmed, not bothering to tell the doctor just how intimate some of Kaylee’s details were about her relationship with Simon. “Let me be the first to say congratulations.”

“Nothing to congratulate me about yet.”

“You wised up and gave Kaylee a lasting sign of your affection. I’d say that’s plenty of reason to offer my best wishes.”

Simon smiled bashfully before turning back to the vials and finally getting down to work.

****

“MAL!”

The captain banged his head on the underside of the helm, wincing as he saw pretty silver stars streak across his vision. Jayne’s bellow had not only scared him witless, it had made him stab himself in the thumb with a pair of pliers. Muttering a steady stream of curses, he slid out and stood up, sucking on his thumb as he crossed to the stairs. He looked down the corridor to where Jayne’s silhouette was framed in the doorway to the galley.

“Ain’t no call to shout,” Mal huffed. “Unless you’re trying to shuffle me off to an early grave.” He reached up and rubbed the growing knot above his right temple.

“Wants to talk,” Jayne growled, jerking his head at the door to the hold.

Mal went still, his jaw bunching as he clenched his teeth and swallowed a wave of unease. “He does, does he?” he asked with forced casualness. The captain hesitated a moment before finally tossing the pliers back in the pilot’s chair. Adjusting the gun still resting on his hip, Mal descended the stairs and sauntered closer, willing himself to take his time. “Say what he wants?” he asked Jayne as the mercenary stepped back and let him into the galley.

“Like he’d tell me,” Jayne grumped, shifting his grip on his own gun. His nose was still packed, making him sound more congested than menacing. He reached up and pulled the wading out, ignoring Mal’s grimace of disgust as he tossed it in the trash.

“What happened to you, anyway?” Mal asked, putting off the moment where he would have to face the Operative for just a few seconds more.

“River.” Jayne spat the name.

A tiny twitch of Mal’s lips betrayed his amusement. “You’ll never learn.”

“Was trying to keep the fool girl from dyin’. Next time I won’t bother.”

“Guess we should get this over with.” Mal sighed as he slipped his pistol out of the holster and motioned for Jayne to open the door. As it swung open, he found the Operative sitting peacefully on the floor, looking up at Mal with benign interest. “You want something?”

The Operative smiled. “I want many things, Malcolm, many of them unattainable, but your company is all I require at the moment.”

“Gee, I feel special.” Mal stepped over the threshold, his gun ready. “You wanted to talk, so talk.”

“I trust the members of your crew are all right?”

Mal’s jaw bunched again. “They’re fine. No thanks to you.”

The Operative dipped his head in acknowledgement. “I will confess that my meeting with River did not go as I had hoped.”

“You mean you losing?” Mal jabbed.

The prisoner smiled. “I prefer to think of it as a draw. Who knows what would have happened if you hadn’t come along when you did?”

Mal didn’t want to think about it. He adjusted his grip on his gun. “You going to tell me what you were doing there? Who has you hunting us this time?”

“Of course,” The Operative stated blandly. “But I would prefer to do it with your crew present.”

“No.” Mal’s voice was flat and hard. “You got something to say, you say it to me.”

“I mean no one any harm, Malcolm.” The Operative spread his hands out to his sides. “But you’re wasting time. We can settle this all at once, and you’ll need River to tell you if I’m speaking the truth.”

Jayne shifted behind Mal, ready for whatever came next.

“What makes you think I’m gonna let you in the same room with that girl?” Mal demanded to know, taking a step forward and glaring down at the man on the floor. The temptation to wipe the serene expression off the Operative’s face with his fist had Mal flexing his free hand.

“Because you have no choice,” the Operative declared, sounding almost apologetic.

Mal glared at him for a moment longer, a battle of wills he couldn’t win. Finally, the captain pivoted and walked out of the room, shoving the door closed behind him. “I hate that guy,” he grumped as he stomped past Jayne in pursuit of the others.

****

It took ten minutes for Mal to wrangle the reluctant crew into the galley. Kaylee had been less than pleased to leave her precious engine, but she’d done so with a worried frown when she’d heard the reason why her presence was required. Simon had found himself taking Inara’s hand to lead her away from the sleeping Zoe, promising the companion no harm would come to her in the time they would be away. If anything, Zoe would sleep more soundly without them hovering.

Mal put his hands on his hips, regarding the three of them and the cranky-looking Jayne. “I’ve been aft to stern. Anybody seen Connor or River?”

Simon frowned. “When they left the infirmary they were going to get cleaned up.”

“That was over an hour ago, Doctor. How long does it take?” Mal grumbled.

“Depends on if you’re washing alone,” Inara stated with a small, knowing smile.

Everyone blinked, except for Jayne. The mercenary’s head swung away from the hold door so fast his neck popped.

Mal cleared his throat. “I checked their quarters…”

“Did you look upstairs?” Inara asked, more pleased by Mal’s discomfort than she should have been.

“Upstairs?” Mal asked weakly.

“Upstairs?” Kaylee echoed before her face suddenly cleared and an impish expression crossed her features. “Oh. Upstairs…”

The captain ran a hand over his features. “Yes. Well… Better than the hull, which was the next place I was about to check.” He looked at the doctor. “You want to go fetch your sister?”

Simon rapidly shook his head. “Are you kidding? She’s my sister. I’m not going to… I mean if she’s…” He abruptly went quiet, his face reddening.

Inara covered her helpless chuckle with a delicate cough into her fist.

Mal looked at Kaylee.

“Oh no. I ain’t goin’ up there.”

“Aw c’mon,” Mal complained. “She’s practically your family too,” he pointed out, giving Simon a glance when the doctor twitched strangely at his words.

“All the more reason for me to stay right here,” Kaylee argued.

“Inara…” Mal began, hoping to charm her with a soft smile.

“Sometimes it sucks to be the one in charge, doesn’t it?” Inara asked sweetly.

“I’ll go,” Jayne offered.

“No,” the rest of the crew said in unison.

“It’s your bath,” Mal snapped at the companion.

“Your ship,” Inara countered.

They stared at each other, tension crackling in the air between them as the rest of the crew watched with keen interest.

“Fine,” Mal finally announced, his eyes only for Inara and the galling smirk on her pretty features. “All a man has to do is knock. That ain’t so hard.”

“Then why are you still standing here?” Inara rejoined.

Mal straightened as his gaze darted to Kaylee who was biting her bottom lip in an effort to hide her smile at his expense. He muttered a few choice curses under his breath as he pivoted on his boot and stomped out of the galley.

He tried to pretend that he didn’t hear Kaylee’s delighted giggle following him out the door.

****

“My ship,” Mal grumbled as he climbed the steps, his boots rattling the metal grating. “If only they’d remember that more often.” His pique fueled him as he climbed, mentally giving his crew a witty, verbal lashing that he knew he’d never voice. Inara had bested him in a war of words – again. It would be damn infuriating if he didn’t find a smart woman so damn beautiful.

He raked his hands through his hair as he approached the door to the bath, clearing his throat and nervously scratching at the growing stubble on his chin. Raising his hand to knock, he paused when he heard the swirl of water and a breathless moan on the other side. His palm went flat on the door instead and he winced. “Why me?” he murmured to no one in particular under his breath.

Feeling his face heating in embarrassment, Mal took a step back from the door and shook his hands at his sides. When he heard another moan, he spun on his boot heel and nearly ran to the stairs as if he’d been shocked. He was never going to be able to look at River in the eye again.

Halfway down the steps, he stopped, thinking about what they needed to know versus what he could be interrupting. There was simply no choice. Connor and River would understand. He hoped. Slowly he turned and made his way back to the top, lingering outside the door until he forced himself to knock.

****

The gun felt cool in Connor’s grip after the heat of the water and River’s skin. “What?” she growled, watching in disappointment as River sank down, hiding most of her body from view.

“Uh… sorry to intrude…” Mal had to clear his throat again, sternly telling himself not to imagine what was happening on the other side of the door, no matter how pretty a picture it probably was. “Our… guest… has requested everyone’s presence.”

“Does it have to be now?” the pilot wanted to know, shooting a worried glance at River who had gone still, a thoughtful expression on her features.

The captain grimaced, hoping like hell he wasn’t about to get reacquainted with Connor’s right hook again in the next few moments. Or shot. “Do you really think it should wait?” he asked honestly. There was a long moment of silence, one Mal prayed wouldn’t be broken by the sounds of anyone else moaning.

River slowly turned and rested her hands on the pilot’s thighs as she held Sarah’s gaze. “He’s right,” she whispered.

Connor’s jaw clenched while she flicked the safety on her gun and set it aside. “I’m gonna kill him,” she confessed.

“The Operative or Mal?” River wondered.

Sarah didn’t smile.

“We’ll be right there,” River called out.

“Right. Sorry… I’ll just leave you… to… uh… bye.” Mal pivoted again and bolted, figuring Connor couldn’t punch him if he wasn’t there.

“That man has the worse timing.”

River sighed as she moved closer, sinking into Sarah’s heat and curves, willing her body under control with effort. “It’s not his fault,” she managed around a rough swallow.

“I know,” Connor breathed against the wet skin of River’s neck. She kissed the surface gently, feeling River shiver in her arms. Reluctantly, she let the other woman go, moving away quickly before she changed her mind. She reached over the side and fetched two towels, turning around just as River stood up, towering over her in all her naked glory.

A string of Chinese curses flowed from the pilot’s lips as she closed her eyes and handed River the towel, missing the younger woman’s pleased smile.

“There can always be more baths,” River promised. She started to say more when Sarah abruptly stood, and she got a full view of the body that she’d only caught glimpses of beneath the water.

It was Connor’s turn to smirk as River stared with open appreciation. Her brown eyes were wide and nearly black with arousal, and Sarah felt insanely flattered by the reaction. With an aggrieved sigh, she wrapped the towel around her torso. If River kept looking at her like that, they were never going to get out of there.

Connor climbed over the rim of the tub before offering her hand to River who took it with a shy smile. The pilot grabbed the younger woman’s towel, using it to gently dry River’s skin, taking extra care with the bruises on her back. “You’re going to let me treat these later,” Connor told her.

“I’ll let you do whatever you want,” River said innocently.

The pilot’s mouth opened and closed as River faced her again, sliding into her robe and cinching it at the waist. “Don’t tease a girl,” Connor mumbled.

River frowned, clearly not understanding what Connor meant.

Connor quickly dried herself off and slipped into her pants, t-shirt, and boots as River drained the tub.

“This better be good,” the pilot snarled as she jerked open the door, disappointed Mal hadn’t lingered so she could give him a piece of her mind.

****

Inara’s smile was apologetic when Connor and River arrived. “Don’t shoot the messenger,” she teased the pilot as the couple settled next to her.

“We’ll see,” was all Connor could promise, but she offered the companion a weak smirk.

Jayne was leering at them and no one wanted to imagine what images were traipsing through that brain of his. No doubt he’d be taking to his bunk when all of this was over.

Kaylee looked pleased and gave them both a tiny wave while Simon looked at anything else but his sister.

Mal didn’t wait for them to settle in. He entered the code and unlocked the door. The Operative was already standing and waiting for them on the other side. Everyone tensed, those that were armed letting their fingers rest at the ready on the butts of their guns.

The prisoner scanned the faces of those present, noting the lone absence. He looked at River and Connor, both appearing much better than the last time he’d seen them. “Thank you all for coming,” he told them.

“This ain’t a dinner party,” Mal warned him. “Say your piece.”

Now that the moment had arrived, the former Operative wasn’t sure where to begin.

“Why are you hunting River again?” Connor demanded, giving him an excellent starting point.

“Hunting is such a strong word and indicates that I wish to capture or kill that which I seek. Neither is the case, I assure you.”

“Your assurances mean nothing,” the pilot promised him.

The former Operative smiled ruefully. “I’m not the one hunting River.”

“The Alliance has fresh warrants out for all of us,” Simon interjected. “That seems like hunting to me.”

“The Alliance does, yes,” the prisoner confirmed neutrally. “But they no longer represent my interests nor I theirs.”

The crew exchanged glances and River slid a little closer to Connor, as if needing her touch. The pilot automatically wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her in protectively close.

The former Operative sighed. “I’m here because of the Pax,” he admitted.

“The stuff the Alliance added to the air processors on Miranda? The stuff that killed all those people?” Kaylee asked, confused.

“The thing that created the Reavers,” Inara added uneasily.

“Yes,” the prisoner confirmed. His gaze slid to Simon and stayed there. “For so long, Miranda was considered a failure of epic proportions among Parliament. Over 30 million dead. The Reavers born and wreaking havoc amongst the outer rim planets. A project with the best of intentions turning tragically and wickedly wrong.”

Mal glanced from the Operative to Simon and then back again, wondering why the prisoner was focusing his attention on the doctor. “We know the history. Ain’t a soul in the ‘Verse now that don’t.”

“Thanks to you and your crew,” the former Operative said with a trace of a smile that quickly faded. “But while many of those in Parliament fell as the truth came out, others rose to take their place, many of them much worse men than those they replaced. Men who would use whatever were at their disposal to bend people to their will, to make sure all the planets were under their rule.”

“What does any of this have to do with the Pax?” Inara asked.

“Oh my God,” Simon suddenly murmured and the rest of the crew looked at him, watching as his pallor turned pale and ashy.

“What’s wrong?” Kaylee asked.

“The prison colony,” Simon whispered, his gaze horrified as he looked at the Operative. “They were a control group?”

The former Operative bowed his head in acknowledgment.

Simon covered his mouth with one hand, looking as if he were about to be sick.

“A control group,” Jayne finally spoke. “What the hell is that?”

“They refined it,” River suddenly realized. “The Pax… they refined it… found out what made some meek… what made others into…”

“Monsters,” Inara breathed. “Oh my God,” she echoed Simon as the truth sank in.

“They experimented on the folks in that prison,” Mal said, his voice low and filled with hate.

The former Operative raised his head and looked at Mal. “Who better to test it on, Malcolm? Men who were the worst of the worst, the hardest to control… brought to their knees in supplication by a simple additive to the air.”

“And the guards?” Connor asked gruffly.

“Probably fed to them in their food. Two distinct groups, two distinct reactions. I imagine Parliament is very happy with their results.”

The crew stood in stunned silence.

“Doc, you ain’t opened those vials…” Mal asked, trying to keep the panic out of his voice.

“Vials?” the former Operative asked in alarm.

Simon shook his head. “No. Not with Zoe still asleep in the infirmary. I wasn’t going to open them without full contamination procedures in place.”

“Wise of you, Doctor. Depending on which you cracked open first, we might have all been trying to tear each other apart.”

Simon swallowed, shivering a little at the thought. He stared at the Operative. “I don’t understand. Why are you telling us this? Why follow us to Nix?”

“I didn’t follow you, Doctor. Who do you think arranged for you to find out about it, knowing you’d go?” The former Operative wasn’t surprised in the least when Mal grabbed him, spinning him around and slamming him into the counter.

“You set us up?” the captain demanded to know. “Let my crew walk into that hell and nearly die?”

“I enticed you with promises of a truth you now know. You, Captain, let your crew walk into that hell and nearly die,” he answered placidly.

Mal’s face twisted with rage but no one was sure if it was directed at the Operative or himself. He finally released him, stepping back as his hand dropped to the butt of his gun.

“Raggley is working with you?” Connor asked, feeling bile rise in her throat at the thought that someone she trusted had helped this bastard.

“Raggley works for me, Sarah. Just like you used to.”

Everyone went momentarily still before their heads swiveled in the pilot’s direction.

TBC


	24. Chapter 24

Emotion bombarded her, sharp and painful. River flinched helplessly and shied away from Sarah, as the influx of feeling from the pilot was suddenly too much for her weary mind to handle. Anger, grief, horror… they rolled up and over her, robbing her of her breath, rocking her like punches as they assaulted the woman next to her. Lost in the onslaught of misery, River couldn’t react fast enough. Her balance came back in a rush and she reached for the pilot, to offer comfort, to hold and help, but Sarah’s shirt slipped through her fingers as the pilot surged forward, a wounded sound catching in Sarah’s throat as she lunged for the Operative.

Mal and Inara shouted in surprise, chasing after the pilot as Jayne merely got out of her way. Kaylee and Simon grabbed River, unwilling to let her become embroiled in another fight.

The pilot’s hands were around the prisoner’s throat before the others could do anything about it. “You lying son of a whore,” Connor snarled, ignoring Mal and Inara as they tried to pull her away. Having said his piece, the Operative did nothing to fight back, his dark eyes locked on Connor’s own as she choked the life from him. His lips begin to turn blue, but he didn’t struggle, just accepted Connor’s rage as if he decided his death would be at her hands.

“Jayne!” Mal yelled at the mercenary, needing his bulk to help subdue the enraged pilot.

“Don’t look at me,” Jayne announced as he crossed his arms and leaned back against the wall. “I’d kill the bastard if he said that to me, too.”

“Connor,” Inara pleaded, hearing the Operative’s involuntary splutter as his body began to struggle for air.

“I would die before I worked for you,” Connor hissed, her fingers digging into the Operative’s flesh. Memories of her mother, her father, her son, pounded into her brain. Their blood. The sounds they’d made as they died while she’d been helpless to stop it. Every shred of grief and pain that she’d buried for nearly ten year spewed up from the hole she’d buried them in and scalded her.

“River, no,” Simon begged, struggling to hold his sister back. Tears were spilling down her face, and Simon’s gut twisted knowing it was the anguish from the pilot she was experiencing rather than her own.

Mal finally wrapped his hands around Connor’s waist and bodily hauled her away, flinging her back and crashing her into the cabinets. Connor bounced off, her green eyes snapping with a cold hard hatred Mal had never seen before. She charged forward again, but Mal put himself between her and the gasping Operative who had fallen to his knees as his body sucked in much-needed needed air.

“Mal,” Connor hissed, her hands tightening into fists.

“You want to kill him, you’re gonna have to come through me,” Mal warned her.

River finally wormed her way out of Kaylee and Simon’s grip. Stumbling toward Sarah, she reached for her, needing her touch even though she knew the contact would inflict pain her mind was in no shape to handle.

“Gorram it, Mal!” Connor took a step forward and Mal raised his fists, ready to fight her if he had to. She hesitated, twitching when she felt River’s calming touch ease up her spine.

River clenched her teeth, willing her hand to stay where it was. When the first flash of anger had washed through Sarah, she’d been emotionally and mentally scalded, but touching her now was different. Now there was a coldness radiating from Sarah that actually made River shiver in reaction.

“I can appreciate your anger,” Mal told the pilot. “But if anybody on this boat is gonna take this bastard out, it’s gonna be Zoe. I promised her the honor.”

“You can’t begin to imagine my anger,” Connor spat at the captain. “You have no idea what his kind have done to me.”

“Please.” Everyone turned to look at the Operative as he slowly lifted his head, meeting Connor’s gaze squarely. “She has every right to be upset.”

River eased closer, encircling the pilot’s waist from behind, linking her fingers over Sarah’s stomach. She closed her eyes when she felt Sarah try to pull away from her, but she held on, refusing to let the woman she loved go.

Connor dropped her gaze, seeing River’s hands holding her tight. The sight snapped her back to herself, rooting her firmly in the present. She shuddered, feeling bile rise in the back of her throat, but her body yielded to the touch, sinking back into River and greedily soaking up her heat and strength. The rage ebbed, just enough, that Connor finally felt like she could breathe.

“For what it’s worth,” the Operative murmured, waiting until the pilot had lifted her head to look at him once more, “you have nothing to be ashamed of.”

Connor shook her head. “I would never work for you.”

“Not knowingly,” the Operative agreed. He got unsteadily to his feet. “But you worked for Brandon Raggley, and he works for me.”

The others watched as Connor’s features crumbled, the truth causing her pain none of them could comprehend. Her knees weakened, until only River’s arms around her waist were holding her up.

“No,” Connor whispered.

“There were no lies, Sarah,” the Operative promised her. “What you have done is nothing but honorable.”

Connor’s head snapped up and her gun cleared its holster. She pointed it at the Operative, heedless of the crew. “Don’t call me that,” she seethed. “You’ve got no right to call me that.”

The prisoner held his hands away from his body in supplication. “What we were building… the work you were doing… it’s still everything you believed it to be.”

The gun shook in the pilot’s hand. Mal watched her, wondering if he should dare try to disarm her with so many people in the room. “Connor…” he pleaded. “Think straight about this.”

“I worked for him!” Connor turned her attention on Mal and he could see the truth was torturing her. “What would you do, if you found out you were helping the very thing you despise?”

Kaylee and Simon watched in silence as Inara inched closer, laying a gentle hand on the pilot’s shoulder. Connor flinched at the contact, the gun jerking in her hand, but she didn’t fire.

“He has information we need,” Inara murmured in a soothing voice. “He’s clearly done you harm, and you have every reason to shoot him.” Inara met River’s stricken gaze over the pilot’s shoulder. “But there has been enough death today, Connor.”

Green eyes shifted to the companion as if seeing her for the first time.

“Please,” Inara begged. “Put the gun down.”

“Connor…” the Operative said, drawing her attention back on him again. “We may have been enemies. As you said… my kind has done you more damage than anyone here can comprehend. But you have my word… New Eden is everything you believed it to be.”

The others looked at him before looking back at the pilot.

“New Eden?” Mal asked in confusion.

Connor shook her head again and closed her eyes when she heard the name fall from the Operative’s lips. Without a word, she jerked away from River, her gun clattering to the floor as Connor did the only thing she had left to do. She walked away.

****

The drink was bitter going down, but the heat that flushed through him was welcome. Brandon Raggley set his mug down and motioned to the bartender for another. His thoughts chewed on Malcolm Reynolds’ and his crew, wondering how they were fairing on Nix. He had hated tricking them, but his employer had insisted it was necessary, and his boss seemed to know what drove the captain of the Serenity better than anyone. Mal had taken the bait and run with it, just like his boss said he would. Brandon could only hope his friend would survive and bring back the evidence they needed to weaken the Alliance further.

Parliament was getting too strong again, their reach beginning to extend to the outer rim planets once more. They’d been methodical in their plans to slow them down, painstakingly so, but Brandon suspected they would soon need to speed up their timetable. He was far from being in charge, not much more than a minion, really, but he was a good soldier, and his boss recognized him as such.

He sighed as the bartender refilled his mug before cupping it in his hands and spinning his stool to look at the beautiful day beyond the dusty windows. He knew it was warm outside, had felt the heat of the day drawing the sweat from his skin as he’d wandered through the town that was a part of his own making. But Brandon couldn’t escape this strange sensation of being cold. “Karma,” he murmured with a twisted smile.

“What?” the bartender asked.

Brandon shook his head. “Just thinking aloud.”

The bartender moved off to wait on another customer as Brandon looked down into the depths of his mug. The last time he’d been here, Connor had been at his side. She’d looked beautiful, her dark brown hair in need of a cut as one unruly lock continued to flop down over one eye. He’d tried to kiss her when they’d left, but she’d merely smiled and gently pushed him back. There had been no hard feelings, Brandon knew, but he’d promised himself he would try again another time.

Now Connor was gone. It seemed like such a damn waste. She’d been a good soldier too, just like him if only further down the chain of command. So many things she hadn’t known, but she’d fought for their cause in her own way. Sometimes it had hurt his heart to look at her, remembering the fire he’d seen in her eyes when they’d met during the war. That fire had been banked, and he blamed himself for that a little. He’d gotten her the job with the Alliance with ulterior motives, and she knew she wasn’t really working for the enemy, but wearing that uniform, bearing the Alliance’s mark on her… Brandon sighed and lifted his mug. “To Connor,” he said sadly. “May you find the peace in death that eluded you in life.” He took a sip, wincing at the burn.

Tossing a few credits on the bar, Brandon got to his feet and sauntered back outside, wincing into the sunlight. The air smelled clean and he took a deep breath, glancing around the budding town. It looked so innocent on the surface, a façade that would fool any Alliance soldier. If Parliament had any idea what was going on beneath the surface of New Eden, they would blow this pretty rock right off its axis.

He placed his hat on his head and headed for the underground bunker. Perhaps there was news on Nix to be had and he could stop his worrying… and maybe shed the cold that clung to him as well.

****

“New Eden?” Kaylee asked into the thickening silence, her voice sounding fragile and afraid.

River stared at the door Sarah had just walked out of, longing to follow but knowing Sarah needed a few minutes alone. She turned her gaze on the Operative, feeling anger burn in her guts for the pain he’d just put Sarah through. Ignoring Kaylee’s question, she came closer to the prisoner, staring at him with contempt. “You didn’t need to tell her that.”

“In hindsight,” the Operative began smoothly, “I believe I should have kept the information to myself.”

“You bastard,” River hissed, startling her shipmates. “Was that fun for you? Hurting her like that? Making them question?” She jerked a hand at the rest of the crew, anger at him, at all of them, making her voice rise and tighten with contempt.

“River…” Simon began hesitantly.

“Shut up!” River shouted at her brother. “All of you, just shut up!” She glared at the crew until they all looked away in shame. When her gaze returned to the Operative, he was the only one brave enough to meet her eye.

“The truth always comes out, River. You of all people should know that.”

River’s chin hitched higher as she fought the urge to hit him, to inflict even a fraction of the agony he’d put Sarah through. “She’s not like you. Sarah is nothing like you.”

“She’s not,” the Operative agreed mildly. “Sarah Connor is a remarkable woman. Had I known she was in my arsenal before now, I would have put her skills to better use.”

“Sarah will never willingly work for you,” River told him.

The Operative sighed. “You know I speak the truth. Sarah was doing good, honest work, River. She was helping me rebuild what I’d help to tear down. Despite who I am, what I was, Sarah should feel no shame in her role.”

“Letting you live brings her shame,” River breathed.

“That’s why I did nothing to stop her from killing me,” the prisoner told the young woman.

River searched his eyes, hating to feel the truth of his words in the center of her soul. He wasn’t lying. Sarah had done nothing wrong and his plans were nothing but honorable. Still, she wanted to hurt him, the only man she’d ever truly hated enough to want to kill with her bare hands. She could see he knew what she was thinking in the way he watched her. River wondered if he’d let her tear him apart.

“Mei-mei,” Simon murmured, coming up behind River and hesitantly touching her shoulder. She jerked away from him, fixing him with an icy glare that had him backing up a step.

“I’m sorry, River,” the Operative said sincerely. “It was not my intention to heap more pain on this day.”

River swallowed before pivoting on her foot and leaving the room, feeling the sudden, urgent need to be where Sarah was.

Everyone watched her go before looking back at the Operative.

“All you know is pain,” Mal told him when River was gone.

“Sometimes I’m afraid that’s true,” the former Operative murmured.

Mal swallowed, rattled by Connor and River’s emotions and his inability to do a damn thing to help either of them. “New Eden,” he said evenly.

“What was the one thing I always wanted, Malcolm?”

The captain shifted. “A world without sin,” he murmured, thoughts of Shepherd Book coming unbidden to his mind.

“A world without sin,” the Operative agreed. “There is no such thing. Can never be any such thing.”

“And New Eden?” Inara asked, coming closer to stand next to Mal as the others looked on.

“My penance.” The Operative sighed. “My… rebellion.”

“Keep talking,” Mal ordered.

“New Eden is a place of hope. A place where the very thing I’d help to crush nearly out of existence can rise again.”

Kalyee was the first to realize what the operative meant. “The resistance?” she asked with disbelief.

Mal’s jaw set as his gaze swung back onto the prisoner, his heart jerking in his chest with a mixture of hope and horror. “You mean to say…”

“I mean to say,” the Operative said firmly. “The Browncoats will rise again, Malcolm. We will stop Parliament. People will be free to do as they like once more.” He stepped toward the captain, ignoring the way Jayne tensed, the mercenary’s hand resting on the butt of his gun as he hovered nearby. “The enemy of my enemy is my friend, Malcolm. I came all this way to show you their plans… to ask for your help to stop them.”

“We’re just one tiny ship,” Kaylee muttered in disbelief.

“One tiny ship with a crew that changed the ‘Verse.” The Operative offered Kaylee a tight smile before looking at the captain once more. “What do you say, Captain?” He reached into his pocket and handed Mal the discs with the vids from the prison on it. “Your proof.”

Mal studied the disc in his hands, relieved that their time on Nix hadn’t been in vain while feeling fresh anger that it could have all been prevented. He licked his lips, knowing he had an agonizing choice to make. “I’ll think it over.”

“Mal… Zoe would never…” Inara began only to grow silent when the captain held up his hand.

“Gotta talk to Zoe… to Connor. I ain’t doing nothing without all my crew.”

“Admirable, Captain,” the Operative murmured. He reached up, unbuckling the sword that was still strapped to his back. There had been no time to disarm him as they’d fled the planet. He set the weapon aside as a show of good faith. “I hope they can see past their justified hatred of me to see the good we could do together.”

“You better hope I can do the same,” Mal said.

The Operative reached into another pocket before handing Mal a second disc. “The coordinates to New Eden. The password is Miranda.”

“Course it is,” Mal murmured, taking the disc.

The Operative looked around the room, studying each member of the crew of Serenity in turn. “You have a good crew, Malcolm. I know they will do the right thing.”

“Even if it means putting a bullet in you?” Jayne grumped.

The prisoner smiled. “Even if, Mr. Cobb.”

“Search him,” Mal ordered Jayne. “Make sure there are no other surprises he can drop on us tonight.” He gestured at the rest of his crew to leave.

“I believe I’ve revealed more than enough,” the Operative promised, lifting his hands as Jayne began to roughly pat him down. He glanced toward the door, his gaze meeting Kaylee’s over Mal’s head. The mechanic stared at him for a long moment, lingering on the steps as she took his measure. “Goodnight, Kaylee,” the Operative told her, his voice deceptively kind.

Kaylee pursed her lips and trailed after the others.

****

There was nothing to hit but the wall.

Connor pummeled it in a blind rage, ignoring the blood, ignoring the pain. Nothing could compete with the guilt swallowing her whole, the memory of her son’s dead eyes as she’d cradled him, his body still warm in her arms. She’d betrayed him. She’d betrayed them all.

“No. No,” River repeated. Materializing seemingly out of thin air, the young woman clutched at Sarah’s hands, trying to keep the pilot from doing herself any more damage. Sarah jerked away from her, toppling backwards and nearly landing on the bed. River went still, breathing hard as she felt Sarah’s misery dragging her in, chaining her to the pilot. Sarah’s feelings were as real as her own, and for a moment, River wanted to hit something as much as Sarah did. She wanted to lash out, wanted to pick up a gun, put it to her own temple and pull the trigger. A frightened sob escaped her with the knowledge, and her body shuddered helplessly in reaction. “Please…”

Connor sank to her knees covering her face with her hands. “Just go…” she pleaded with River. “Just go…”

“No,” River said again, girding herself mentally as best as she was able before settling next to the pilot. Something told her if she left this room now, she’d never see Sarah alive again. “I’m not leaving.”

“River.” The name was said like both a curse and a plea.

“I’m not leaving,” River said with more conviction. “Not with you like this.”

The pilot looked at her then, and River felt her heart tear apart at the anguish in Sarah’s eyes.

“I’m so sorry,” River breathed.

“I worked for him,” Connor whispered as hot tears spilled down her cheeks. “Oh God…” She closed her eyes, her head bowing as if it weighed too much for her to hold up. Her right hand came up to clasp the locket at her throat.

River silently moved closer, sliding her arms around the pilot and burying her face in the curve of Sarah’s shoulder. Sarah made no move to return the embrace, her hand still fiercely holding the locket. “You did nothing wrong,” River insisted, her voice hoarse with fatigue.

“They killed him. They shot my mother. My father. John….” Sarah gasped softly as pain, as fresh as the day her family had died, carved her up inside. “Oh God,” she said again, the thought to slip her weapon free and bring it to her own temple more tempting than it should have been. She felt River’s arms convulse around her, and Connor felt shame knowing that River had sensed her thoughts.

“Don’t,” River pleaded softly, tears entering her voice. “Don’t you ever…”

Connor finally brought her arms around her lover’s back, giving in and holding River so tight she had to be crushing her, but the pilot didn’t dare let go. “What have I done?”

“Sarah,” River murmured, lifting her head just enough to brush her lips against the pilot’s jaw.

“Please…” Connor ground out before hastily climbing to her feet and scrambling away. “Please don’t call me that.” The sight of River’s stricken, tear-stained face had the pilot tempted to reach for her gun once more. “You don’t know… you don’t understand…”

River swallowed, tamping down her own pain to deal with Sarah’s. “Then explain it to me.”

Connor shook her head. “I… I can’t…” She sank onto the bed, covering her eyes with her hand as if she could hide from the memories she didn’t want to see. “Please, River… just… go…”

Jaw clenching, River stood her ground. “I’m not leaving you.”

“Damn it, girlie,” Connor snarled, almost tempted to slap the other woman, to make someone else hurt as much as she did. Her hand came up before she balled it into a fist, pulling it back toward her and pressing it to her chest. “You need to leave.”

River moved closer, heedless of the risk, sinking to her knees in front of the bed. “You don’t have to say the words,” she began, waiting until Sarah’s tortured green eyes finally lifted and locked with her own. “You can let me in… let me see…”

“No.” Connor’s voice was like steel.

“You’re already thinking it… seeing it all over again,” River told her, knowing it was true. “I can feel what it’s doing to you.”

“And I’m supposed to share that?” Connor said around a brittle laugh. “I’m supposed to inflict my pain upon you? Put those images in your head? For what? What damn good does that do?” She jerked, sucking in a harsh breath when River suddenly cupped her face between her hands. River’s brown eyes were intense as she held her gaze, willing Connor to share the moment that haunted her.

The pilot didn’t know if River had found a way to force her or if the burden simply was too much to bear, but she felt herself let go, the memories cascading across her mind as real as the day they’d happened.

TBC


	25. Chapter 25

The Operative sucked in a slow breath, clawing his way back up to wakefulness as the door to his cell unlocked and groaned open. The light from the galley spilled inside, making him squint as he studied the familiar silhouette of Malcolm Reynolds in the doorway.

“Took awhile,” Mal murmured without preamble as he leaned against the doorframe. “For the memory to shake loose.”

The prisoner sat up, watching Mal curiously. There was something about the captain’s posture, a weariness to it that made his usual desire to needle the other man rest. He puzzled over Mal’s words, wondering what was on the captain’s mind. “And what memory is that?” he inquired neutrally.

“Sarah Connor.”

Pursing his lips, the Operative nodded knowingly. He wasn’t surprised Connor had kept elements of her past from the crew. No doubt some things were simply too painful to share. “I had nothing to do with any of that,” he admitted.

“I’m sure my pilot would have filled you full of holes if you had,” Mal told him simply. He stood there a moment, the ship creaking softly around them as he stared at the floor. “Why were you after her again? Some codes or other?”

The Operative studied him, not fooled by the captain nonchalance. “Sarah Connor was an excellent code breaker during the war. She was quite skilled at deciphering the Alliance’s transmissions. She was even able to falsify orders. More than one transport was ambushed. Obviously, Parliament wanted her stopped.”

“That’s right,” Mal said quietly, remembering. “So they sent the likes of you to do the stopping.”

“Yes.” The Operative sighed. “All we had was a name.”

“More than one Sarah Connor in the ‘Verse.” Mal’s voice had an edge of anger to it now.

The Operative stared at the captain, swallowing when he recalled just how many there had been. “Many less now,” he confessed softly.

The captain finally turned his head, the light from the galley warming half his face in gold while leaving the rest in shadow. “Was it her? My pilot? Was she who you wanted?” Mal had to know, had to satisfy the question that had swirled in his brain for the last hour. He hurt for Connor regardless, wishing he’d known this detail about her before. It made so much about the woman make sense.

The prisoner dropped his gaze. “No. She simply had the misfortune of being named Sarah Connor.”

“So you hunted her down… her family… just because of her damn name.” Mal felt his simmering anger ignite, burning away some of the pain he felt for his pilot.

“Not me… but yes, the Alliance ran her and her family to ground.” The Operative briefly wondered why the captain wasn’t having this conversation with his pilot. Perhaps Mal was smarter than he gave him credit for.

“What happened to them?” Mal asked, his voice hoarse, but determined.

“What do you think, Malcolm?” The Operative asked.

In the sudden silence between them, the prisoner heard Mal swallow hard.

“All of them?” Mal had to know.

“All of them. Even her child.” The Operative saw Mal flinch. Connor had clearly kept much from the crew.

Mal’s jaw clenched as angry tears gathering at the corners of his eyes. “And Sarah Connor… the one you wanted…”

“She was found and terminated.” The Operative paused, wondering if he should tell Mal the whole truth. That the code breaker had been killed moments before the pilot’s son had died. That if the Sarah Connor they’d wanted had been eliminated five minutes faster that John Reese would likely still be alive. He held his tongue, deciding it served no purpose for the captain to know such details.

Mal stepped out of the cell, shutting the door behind him without a word before leaning against it. The locket Connor had always worn, he realized with sudden insight. Now he knew whose picture was inside it, the secret she’d carried locked up tight. “Gorram it,” he hissed. Mal wished he could go to her, offer her some sort of solace, but he knew there was nothing. Nothing he could say, nothing he could do that would make any of this a damn bit easier to take.

Only River had a chance in hell of doing that.

“Mal?”

The captain sucked in a startled breath and straightened as Inara came closer. He’d been so lost in his thoughts he hadn’t heard her arrival. “Everything all right?”

“You tell me.” The companion came closer, sure that she saw tears glistening in the captain’s eyes until he turned away, focusing his attention on pulling a mug down from the cabinets and pouring himself a cup of mead.

“Fine,” Mal said, clearing his throat when he heard how husky he sounded. “Just a long day.”

Inara’s gaze traveled to the cell door and lingered there before returning to Mal’s back. “One of the longest I can remember,” she agreed. “Any word on Sarah?”

Mal stared into the depths of his cup. “Wouldn’t call her that, if I was you.”

“River does. It’s a beautiful name.”

“Not for Connor it ain’t.” Mal drained his mug, wincing at the taste but welcoming the burn that flushed through him. He looked at her then, seeing the lines of worry and fatigue around her eyes that still did nothing to diminish her beauty in the low light. “You should get some sleep,” he suggested before setting the empty mug down and turning to walk away.

“Mal,” Inara beckoned, sensing something was wrong with her former lover. He glanced back at her, his features more tired and drawn than she’d ever seen them. She hurt for him then, all the frustration she’d felt toward him on Nix melting away when she saw something dark and anguished in his eyes. What the Operative had offered him… the chance to be a Browncoat again… the chance to fight back at the Alliance… it hard to be tearing the captain up inside. Inara knew he wanted it, and knew just as equally Mal would fight tooth and nail against his own desires.

“Night, Inara,” Mal said gently. He came a few steps closer before dipping his head and kissing her lightly on the cheek. Breathing her in, Mal vividly remembered how good she smelled, how warm her body had felt against his between satin sheets. The air charged between them, and for a moment, Mal considered trying to take things further, sensing Inara might need to forget this day as much as he did.

“Mal…” Inara murmured once more, sensing the same tension in the air he did.

The captain sighed and swallowed, stepping back from temptation. He wearily accepted he was too exhausted to do anything else but sleep. “Get some rest,” he ordered.

The companion watched him go, feeling her heart tripping in her chest. She’d been sure Mal was going to do something more than simply kiss her cheek, and her body had been conflicted in its response. Shaking, she moved closer to the hold and peered inside, wondering about the wisdom of leaving their prisoner without a guard. The Operative sat on the floor, his knees drawn up to his chest. As she watched, Inara realized he was praying.

Feeling like an intruder, she stepped away and surveyed the empty galley. Her bed in her shuttle beckoned, but she decided against it. She couldn’t be alone tonight.

****

Anger. Anguish. Desire. The emotions rolled through River, tugging her toward consciousness. She let sleep go, rising up into reality to absorb the emotions and to place their source.

Mal, she realized. She focused on him, tracking his progress until she actually heard the clang of his hatch closing. Her attention wandered to the other members of the crew just as it so often did when she woke, checking on each of them in turn. Satisfied the others were as well as she could expect, her attention drifted to the woman in her arms.

After Sarah’s past had been laid bare, after their emotions had been scraped raw, River had guided Sarah to the bed, stripping them both of much of their clothes so they could be as close as skin would allow. Sarah had been almost unresponsive, and River had been little better, too overwhelmed by the pain they’d shared to do little else but pull the sheets over their bodies. Exhaustion had swept over them almost immediately, dragging them both down into a thankfully dreamless sleep.

Sarah was breathing so deeply now it almost seemed unnatural. River was spooned against the pilot’s back, and she took a moment to study the small tattoo that had been hidden from her view until now. It was a small pair of intricate wings, beautifully crafted, placed behind Sarah’s heart.

River swallowed, knowing that it wasn’t a love of flying that had inspired the design. “John,” she whispered, leaning forward to kiss the inked patch of skin. Sarah didn’t stir, and for that, River was grateful.

She could see him now, as clearly as if he had a place in her own memories. John had been a sweet child with his mother’s green eyes and smile. She loved him even though she’d never met him, having felt what Sarah felt for him… having seen the way he’d looked at his mother. River closed her eyes, a pang of loss echoing through her. Sarah’s pain was hers now; they carried it together. It would take some getting used to, River knew, but she didn’t regret her choice. Already Sarah’s soul felt lighter… cleaner. River nuzzled closer, breathing the other woman in and feeling her own soul settle at her nearness.

What Sarah had been through… watching her family die one by one. The Alliance had wanted something from her that Sarah hadn’t had to give. The only kindness the Operative had shown her was to step between Sarah and John when he’d executed her son.

A silent tear tracked down River’s cheek as she relived the moment through Sarah’s eyes. Her throat ached with screams that hadn’t been her own. She could even feel the burn of the rope that had sawed through Sarah’s wrists as she struggled frantically to free herself. Every sight, every smell, every sensation… it was as real to River now as if she’d been the one tied to the chair, watching pieces of her life and heart being shattered one after another.

Minutes later the Operative had taken a wave. He’d looked at Sarah when it was through, just the slightest hint of regret flickering across his features before disappearing entirely. He’d cut Sarah’s bonds, watching as she ignored him to drop to the floor and crawl to her son.

He’d thrown a bag of credits at her. It hit the ground and spilled coins everywhere, the money rolling across the wood floor and coming to rest in blood. “Our mistake,” he muttered before leaving her alone with the remains of her family.

River felt rage, all of it her own, at what had happened to Sarah. What the Alliance had done to her was bad enough. Cutting on her, experimenting with her mind, turning her into something she was never meant to be. But she had never hated them as much as she did now.

As if sensing her distress even in sleep, Sarah shifted, snuggling back against River’s bare body. River felt the rage vanish as their contact increased and she didn’t chase after it, letting it go to refocus on Sarah completely.

She kissed the tattoo again, both for the angel it represented, and for the heart that lay beyond it. “I love you,” River whispered.

Even from the depths of sleep, River felt an answering echo of her emotion come from the well of Sarah’s soul.

They would be all right, River realized with relief. It would take time, but they would survive this.

She tightened her hold on Sarah and closed her eyes, focusing on her lover’s current peace and letting it whisk her away.

****

“So what do you think?”

Kaylee jumped, banging her head with a clang on the bottom of the engine housing. “Jeez,” she grumbled before sliding out and looking up at the bulky figure in the doorway. “Don’t be scarin’ me like that.”

Jayne didn’t appear remotely apologetic as he crossed his arms. “I don’t trust ‘em,” he continued as Kaylee glowered. “Don’t believe none of this New Eden nonsense.”

The mechanic got to her feet, picking up a rag and wiping her hands on it as she thought over the scene in the galley. She was far more worried for Connor and River, neither of whom had been seen for hours now. “Cap’n checked the coordinates. There’s somethin’ there,” she reminded him.

“Ambush,” Jayne guessed.

Kaylee’s eyebrows hiked in a facial shrug. “Wouldn’t be a surprise,” she agreed wearily. “Seems like all we ever wander into these days.”

Jayne grunted in response, and Kaylee wasn’t sure if it was in agreement or a commentary on their current stretch of luck.

“You ask me,” Jayne grumbled, “we should just turn tail and head the other way.”

“Cap’n won’t go for it. We gotta know what’s there.”

“Says who?” Jayne wanted to know.

Kayle opened her mouth to respond only to close it. Jayne had a point. “You ain’t curious?”

“Curiosity killed the dog and all that,” Jayne reminded her. He wandered into the engine room, picking up a large wrench and seeming to judge it by its use as a weapon. He sliced it through the air and gave it an approving nod.

“Cat,” Kaylee corrected weakly, wincing as Jayne did it again, the wrench whistling as it whipped by her face. When Jayne looked like he might take the tool with him, Kaylee hesitantly but firmly pried it out of his hands.

Jayne watched her with a scowl. “That Operative fella… he’s talking ‘bout going back to war.”

“I know.” Kaylee’s voice was timid. “Whole ‘Verse has been restless since Miranda. People want out from under the Alliance’s thumb.”

“Alliance wants to keep ‘em there,” Jayne told her. “They ain’t lettin’ go of power without a fight.”

“What do you think?” Kaylee asked. “About going to war?”

“Ain’t no money in it,” Jayne grumbled. “Less you runnin’ guns or something.”

“That mean you’d leave Serenity?” Kaylee watched him curiously.

Jayne blinked. “Would you?”

“Don’t know,” the mechanic confessed after a moment, feeling like a traitor.

Jayne considered the question. “Got nowhere else to go,” he finally said, and for the first time since the incident with the Mudders, Kaylee thought Jayne Cobb sounded a little lost.

They were quiet a moment as they considered the possibilities, the engine lazily spinning between them.

“Ain’t never seen a woman that mad before,” Jayne suddenly mumbled, clearly deciding a change of topics was in order. “Really thought Connor was gonna put a hole in him.”

Given Jayne’s boorish ways, Kaylee found that hard to believe but she didn’t say so. “Connor’s hurtin’,” she said softly. “Feel bad that I even got just a little suspicious of her for all about a second.”

Jayne just grunted again. “He’s lucky River didn’t snap his neck. Since when she get all…” He motioned his hands in a vague gesture.

“All what?” Kaylee asked hesitantly.

“You know… her and Connor… they… what the hell are they doing, anyway?”

Finally a trace of a grin slipped across Kaylee’s lips. “If you have to ask, I ain’t gonna tell ya.”

Jayne blinked again before his eyes hooded. “I’ll be in my bunk,” was Jayne’s only response.

Kaylee rolled her eyes and turned back to her bench, picking up her tools and putting them each back in their proper place as Jayne tromped away. “Eew,” she muttered, mentally apologizing to River and Connor for whatever Jayne was going to imagine them doing together.

Her thoughts shifted back to the notion of leaving Serenity, leaving the crew. Just the thought was painful, and she considered seeking out Simon for some solace, but her lover was tending to Zoe in the infirmary and running tests on the vials the captain had brought back from Nix. It was best to leave him to his work, even if she craved his company.

Her gaze flickered around the engine room, searching for something she might have missed. She just had the strangest sense she was forgetting about something, but for the life of her, she couldn’t remember what it was.

Sighing, she made her way to her hammock before falling into with a complete unworried lack of grace. Reaching out, she dimmed the lights, leaving the glow of the engine to keep her company. Sleep came mercifully fast, her body’s fatigue more powerful than the worries on her mind.

****

“How is she?”

Simon shifted, so lost in thought as he studied his preliminary reports on the vials that he hadn’t even heard Inara enter. He scrubbed a hand through his hair as he swiveled on his stool to look at her. “Fine,” he announced, clearing his throat. His gaze darted to his patient. “Sleeping like a log.”

Inara moved closer, leaving behind any lingering thoughts she might have had to follow Mal to his quarters. She looked down at Zoe’s peaceful features and smiled a little in reaction. “She really is a striking woman,” she murmured, barely aware she’d said the words aloud as her gaze wandered the planes and angles of Zoe’s face.

Simon paused, one eyebrow hiking in reaction. He glanced at Zoe again. “She is,” he agreed, clearing his throat again for a totally different reason. He watched Inara closely, seeing the careful way she held herself, the way she seemed to be fighting her desire to touch the other woman. To say Zoe was independent would be an understatement, and Simon understood Inara’s reluctance to reassure herself by physical contact. “Everything okay? I thought you were going to get some sleep.”

The companion reluctantly shifted her attention off Zoe and onto the doctor. “As okay as it all can be, I suppose.” Inara smiled wanly as she drifted closer. “As for sleep… I’ve tried. Nothing is working.” She glanced down at the vials, seeing Simon’s notes.

“I could give you something…” Simon trailed off as Inara shook her head.

“I’ll manage. I think I just needed to lay a few worries to rest first.” Inara dipped her head at his notes. “Anything interesting?”

The doctor shrugged. “I know what it’s not.”

Inara looked at him speculatively.

“Harmless,” Simon confessed. He gestured at the vials. “I’ve run a few tests using spectrum analysis.” He sighed, his features growing worried. “It could definitely be a form of the Pax. I won’t know for sure until I can open it up and take a closer look.”

“I don’t envy you,” Inara answered with a weak smirk. “I’m not thrilled about being in the same room with it.”

He laid a hand on the case. “This is airtight. Nothing is getting in or out unless I want it to.”

“What do you think they’re planning… the Alliance, I mean?” Inara asked slowly.

Simon scratched the stubble on his chin as he considered all the ramifications. All of them left him cold and he was reluctant to say any of them aloud. He licked his lips nervously. “Nix was a control group.”

“You said that in the galley.” Inara leaned carefully against the counter, waiting patiently for Simon to continue. “What, exactly, did you mean?”

“My guess… the Alliance wanted to know if they could successfully replicate what happened on Miranda. If they could find a way to make followers…”

“And Reavers?” Inara asked, a sharp edge entering her tone. “They wanted to make monsters?” She sounded aghast at the thought.

Simon shifted uncomfortably in his chair. “It’s like the captain said when we decided to broadcast the video from Miranda… sooner or later the Alliance would come back to the notion that they can make people… better.” He glanced at the vials. “Or worse…” he added in a near whisper.

“Why?” Inara breathed. “Why would they do this?”

“They’re losing control. Every day more people escape their grip. They want unification, and they’ll get it even if they have to drug people into it.” Simon looked back at her, seeing his own horror at the thought reflected on Inara’s features. “They might have purified the Pax, Inara. They might have found what they did wrong the first time and fixed it.”

“If they put this into the atmosphere of a planet…” the companion began.

Simon took a shaky breath. “You’d have millions of people susceptible to their commands.”

“Or millions of monsters,” Inara guessed.

The doctor nodded reluctantly. “Yes. My belief is that they isolated the part of the Pax that made some people more violent and aggressive. Considering that they found a way to change all of the guards…” He trailed off, his jaw clenching as he remembered them spilling out of the vent… remembered the sound of Connor’s shotgun as she’d tried to buy them some time. He shivered helplessly.

“Someone has to stop them,” Inara breathed.

“Why do I have a sick feeling that’s going to be us?” the doctor asked.

They stared at each other, both absorbing their new reality.

“Do you believe him… the Operative?” Inara murmured. “About building an army? About New Eden?”

“I think…” Simon hesitated, darting an almost apologetic glance at Zoe before looking at Inara again. “I think he better be,” he confessed. “Or life as we know it is over.”

TBC


	26. Chapter 26

It was easier to breathe.

Connor didn’t understand it, she only knew it was true. Her chest felt lighter, no longer heavy like a weight was pressing down on top of it. She took another deep breath, waiting for the sensation to pass, waiting to feel like she couldn’t take a breath, terrified that this moment of peace was temporary and would evaporate. It didn’t.

Her green eyes stared at the ceiling of her quarters as she listened to the sounds of the ship and River’s even breathing. The younger woman was wrapped around her, holding her in place, holding her steady. The events from the night before now seemed like a bad dream, like none of it was real, but Connor knew every moment had been. Her aching hands, shredded when she’d pummeled the wall, were enough proof of that.

Flexing her stiff fingers, Connor closed her eyes, feeling River instinctively shift closer, one of the younger woman’s calves sliding over her own. A weak smile shaped Connor’s lips, and she marveled that she could appreciate the skin-on-skin contact even after everything her battered soul had endured only a few hours prior. Perhaps it was because she’d been dragged through the proverbial ringer that she could enjoy the simple things, she mused, or maybe it was all a part of the effect River had on her.

The damn woman had forced her to share everything. Everything. Connor knew she should be furious at the way River had ripped her secrets out of her. She’d been defenseless, unable to hold anything back. All the love she’d felt for John. All the agony she’d experienced over losing him. River had known it, had tasted it, and had lived it.

She knew she had every reason to kick River out of her bed and never speak to her again. River had blasted her way into her mind and taken possession of memories that weren’t hers to take, forcing Connor to relive every last one of them as she’d drawn them out into the light. Connor wanted to hate her, wanted to hate what River had done to her. The damn woman had no right, no right to take what was hers to bear.

But as she drew in another breath, Connor accepted that her soul felt cleaner. Lighter.

It was so damn much easier to breathe.

Tears collected in the corners of her eyes before spilling down Connor’s cheeks. Rather than rage or loss making her eyes brim, it was relief. Connor rolled over and pulled her pillow closer, wrapping around it to muffle the sound of her sobs. Sharing her pain didn’t make it go away, it just made it easier to carry, but knowing River now shared her burden as well broke her heart.

“It’s okay,” River whispered against the skin of her tattoo, her body taking on tension as she woke.

“You shouldn’t have done this,” Connor gasped through her tears. “Why did you do this?”

“Because I love you.” River’s voice was strong and without a hint of apology. “No one should have to carry what you do alone.”

“But it was mine to carry.” Connor rolled back over, coming face-to-face with those fathomless eyes that had now seen everything there was to see. They knew all of Connor’s darkest secrets, and they still looked at her with so much love in them that it took the pilot’s breath away.

“Would you share my pain if you could?” River asked her gently.

“River…”

“Would you?” River insisted. “If you knew what I went through at the Academy… that easing that pain could make me whole again… wouldn’t you do it?”

Connor studied the angles of River’s face, committing them to memory in the faint light. She reached up, feeling bitter that there was nothing she could do, no solace she could offer. Connor ignored her battered and bruised knuckles as her fingers grazed River’s cheek. “Yes,” she whispered.

River smiled at her. “You already have,” she promised. “I can be me with you. Feel just my own emotions and not a confusing jumble of everyone else’s. It’s like…” River tilted her head, trying to find the right words as Connor watched her intently. “It’s like you’re the part of me the Alliance took. Like I have it back when you’re with me.”

Watching as River leaned into her touch, Connor shook her head. “It’s not the same.”

“It’s not,” River agreed. “What they did to you… to him…” Her voice hardened and broke. For a moment, River’s jaw clenched, and Connor watched as it pulsed beneath her skin. “But I can help you carry that pain. I want to.”

“It’s my pain,” Connor argued stubbornly. “You’ve had enough.”

River laid her hand over Connor’s locket. “You didn’t just share pain, Sarah.” She smiled weakly. “I got to feel a mother’s love. I got to know your son. I got to love him as much as you do. And I won’t regret that. Any more than you do.”

“And you felt what it was like to lose him.”

River swallowed, her own eyes beginning to glisten. “I did.”

“You shouldn’t carry this. It’s not fair,” Connor ground out.

“It’s not,” River said again. “But it’s okay.” She shifted closer, letting her hand drift down Sarah’s arm before meeting her gaze one more. “You had too much pain for one person. Now you don’t.”

“River…”

River silenced her with a soft kiss, slaying Sarah’s protests before they could pass her lips.

When they finally parted, Connor looked at the other woman with an expression of wonder. “I love you,” she whispered fiercely. “You know that right?”

“Since the moment you first let me say your name.”

Connor smiled wearily. “I guess I should have known then myself. I sure as hell knew I was in trouble.” She swallowed. “You make me want to be that woman again.”

“You never stopped,” River promised her. “You may not have been the Sarah Connor the Alliance was searching for, but you will be the one who helps bring them down.”

Searching River’s eyes, Connor reached up and gently brushed the other woman’s hair away from her features. “You know that for a fact, girlie?” she teased through her drying tears.

River nodded. “They’ll remember your name. They’ll take it in vain one day.”

Connor didn’t know if River was humoring her or not, but she rather liked the sound of that. “C’mere,” she murmured, wrapping her hand around the other woman’s neck and drawing her back down against her. River came willingly, curling around her and pillowing her head on Connor’s shoulder.

The pilot took another deep breath just because she could, filling her lungs with the scent of metal and River’s clean skin.

Right or wrong, what was done was done, Connor decided. She would find some way to thank River for this, some way to make it up to the younger woman.

As River’s breathing evened out once more, the pilot continued to stare at the ceiling, imagining the possibilities.

****

There was a presence, warm and familiar, just on the edge of Zoe’s awareness. She struggled to shake off the shackles of sleep, to open her eyes and see who was there. Her disjointed thoughts conjured images of Wash, of the way he’d always smile at her when she woke from her dreams. For a moment, she forgot he was gone and reached out for him, expecting to feel the rough texture of his palm in hers. But when another hand grasped hers back, the skin was as shockingly soft as silk.

Startled, Zoe’s eyes finally blinked open, the memories of her husband retreating as she woke to the reality of Inara’s sleepy smile. The companion was sitting next to the examination chair, clearly having just lifted her head from a light dose. Her hand was in Zoe’s, and she squeezed gently. “Welcome back,” Inara greeted easily.

Zoe swallowed, feeling a strange mixture of both disappointment and something she didn’t dare examine too closely. She didn’t let Inara go, however, keeping a firm grip on the companion’s warm fingers. Her gaze lingered on Inara’s smile, so very different from Wash’s, but equally as nice to wake up to. “You got me warm,” she murmured, surprising herself and the companion with her words.

Inara’s smile grew, making her features radiant. “A woman should keep her promises,” she teased quietly. Hesitating for only a moment, Inara reached out and brushed Zoe’s hair away from her features. Still groggy, Zoe leaned into the touch, and Inara felt her heart stutter. She swallowed, startled by her body’s intense reaction to such simple contact. Licking her lips nervously, she let her hand rest on the curve of Zoe’s cheek, but the second-in-command didn’t seem to mind. Zoe’s eyelids fluttered, as if she were sliding back into sleep, Inara’s touch the comfort that would allow her more rest.

The companion sighed, her thumb stroking once over Zoe’s sharp cheekbone. She clung to the peaceful moment, knowing it would vanish in seconds when Zoe’s memories awoke along with her body. Sure enough, moments later, Zoe’s eyes snapped open and she sat up abruptly, wincing as the strap across her chest dug into her skin.

“Easy,” Inara murmured soothingly as she stood and placed her hands on Zoe’s shoulders, watching helplessly as the blanket that had been warming the second-in-command fell to the floor at her feet. “He’s in the hold. He’s not going anywhere.”

Zoe reached up and slapped Inara’s touch away as she fumbled to free herself. “How did I sleep with him on-board? I should be… I need to…” She had to lay back down as the room spun in a dizzying blur.

Simon entered, waking on the couch to the sound of their voices. “Blame the captain. It was his idea.” He picked a penlight off the counter and came closer.

“Drugs?” Zoe asked Inara, only to begin swearing profusely at the companion’s hesitant nod.

“You needed to rest, and he saw to it you did,” Inara murmured, finding herself in the odd position of defending Mal to his staunchest ally–usually.

“Is he still on the ship?” Zoe demanded only to turn her head away from Simon’s light, wincing again as it stabbed her retinas. “Damnit, Doc…”

“The captain?” Simon asked drolly. “I imagine so.”

“Simon,” Inara scolded, amused but not sure this was the time for humor.

“I know it’s bright,” Simon continued. “Just let me take a quick look and I’ll leave you alone.”

Eyes watering, Zoe submitted, letting Simon do his job. He patted her once on the shoulder and stepped back before looking at the monitors keeping track of her vitals.

“You core temperature is back within a normal range,” he announced before reaching over to unbuckle the strap across her chest. “Still, I wouldn’t do anything strenuous for a day or so… you know, like trying to kill our guest.”

“Nothing strenuous about pulling a trigger,” Zoe grumbled.

Simon and Inara glanced at each other.

“Zoe,” Inara pleaded as the woman slid off the chair and stood unsteadily. “We need him alive.”

“Like hell.”

Inara hesitantly moved closer. “A lot has happened while you’ve been out.”

Zoe paused, her gaze sliding from Inara to the doctor and back again. “Not sure I like the sound of that.”

“You’re going to like what I have to tell you even less,” Inara promised her. “But you need to hear it.” She looked at Simon, silent communicating her need to talk to Zoe in private.

The doctor dipped his head once in wordless agreement and left them alone.

Something about the expression on Inara’s face told Zoe she needed to shut up, sit still, and listen. Slowly, she sank back down onto the chair. “Tell me,” she ordered.

***

Sleep wouldn’t come. Mal wasn’t in the least bit surprised, although he was disappointed. His eyes burned with fatigue and his whole body felt leaden as he buckled his pants and slipped on a loose shirt. Thoughts that wouldn’t let him be buzzed in his brain as he stuffed his feet into a pair of boots before ascending the ladder in his quarters.

His crew was hurting, and he had heaped some of that pain upon them. That didn’t sit well, and Mal wanted to fix it, all of it, but all his options seemed like they’d just make matters worse.

He turned his head when he heard something on the bridge. A muted bang followed by a barely understandable curse had him moving toward the steps and away from the galley, his original destination.

The captain found Kaylee on all fours under the helm, and he lingered in the doorway a moment and simply enjoyed the view as his mechanic searched for something, muttering and cursing every few moments.

“C’mon,” Kaylee grumbled. “Couldn’ta gotten that far.”

“Lose something?”

Kaylee jumped, her head making contact with the underside of the helm. “Damnit, Cap’n, don’t be scarin’ a girl like that.”

Mal came closer as she struggled to wiggle out of the position she’d gotten herself into. Feeling rakish, Mal slapped her on her hindquarters and got another undignified yelp in reaction. He smirked wearily as he dropped into the pilot’s chair, leaving just enough room for Kaylee to finally crawl free.

“That wasn’t nice,” Kaylee huffed as she sat back on her haunches, but Mal could tell she wasn’t really mad.

“Forgiven me yet?” Mal asked.

Kaylee’s brow knitted together. “For smackin’ me on the ass? Didn’t really mind, Cap’n.”

“For going to a full burn earlier.”

“Oh. That.” Kaylee’s mouth twisted as she fought to keep a smile off her lips. “I’ll let it go since we didn’t get burned up or nothin’.”

“What were you doing under there?” Mal gestured toward the floor with a wave of his hand.

Kaylee sighed and looked sheepish. “Simon gave me somethin’ before y’all left for the prison colony. Kinda forgot about it until a little while ago. Bolted straight up out of a dream when I remembered it.”

“And you left this something under the helm?” Mal asked blandly.

“Not on purpose. I kinda dropped it in all the excitement.”

“And lost it,” Mal guessed.

“Sorta. I mean… it’s gotta be here someplace. All I found was the bag it was in.” Kaylee held up the crumpled sack in question.

“What was it?” Mal wondered, pleased he’d found Kaylee’s company under the circumstances. His mechanic had a way of lightening his darker moods.

“No idea. Simon told me not to open it until after y’all was gone. Then everythin’ went crazy…” Kaylee sighed again.

“It’ll turn up,” Mal murmured. “These things have a way.”

Kaylee wadded up the paper bag and stuffed it into a deep pocket in her overalls. “So what’re you doin’ up?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” Mal admitted.

“Because of the Operative?”

“Because of what he said.”

Kaylee eyed the captain for a moment, taking in the lines of fatigue around his normally smiling eyes. “You believe him?”

Mal considered the question. “I believe River,” he answered slowly. “And she says he ain’t lying.”

The mechanic nodded. “Hope she and Connor are doin’ okay.”

The captain swallowed at the thought, remembering everything the Operative had told him about his pilot. That had been the biggest reason for his insomnia. “Sleeping things off, I imagine.”

That sat in companionable silence for a moment, each lost in thought about everything they’d been through in the last twenty-four hours.

“We need to give him a name.”

Startled from his musings, Mal looked at Kaylee curiously. “Who?”

“The Operative. Does he even have one? Takes too long to keep callin’ him ‘the Operative.’” She put his title in air quotes.

Mal smirked at the possibilities. “I’m hopin’ he ain’t gonna be around long enough to get that familiar.”

“Hmm.” Kaylee grabbed an edge of the helm and dragged herself upright. “If River’s right, though, and he’s tellin’ the truth…” She trailed off, her gaze sliding to the blackness of space beyond the viewport.

The captain watched her swallow. “We cross that bridge when we come to it, Kaylee,” he said gently.

She looked at him then. “You sure we ain’t there already, Cap’n?”

“I’ll look for what you lost,” he said without answering her question. “You get some rest.”

Kaylee nodded. She reached out and put her hand on his shoulder, heartened when the captain reached up and covered it with his own.

“I won’t ever make you do something you don’t want to do,” Mal told her, looking up into her pretty features and meaning every word. “Whatever we decide… and it will be us as a crew deciding it… no pressure. Am I clear?”

“I already knew that,” Kaylee said with a weak smile. “I just gotta decide what it is I wanna do.” She leaned over and gave him a chaste kiss on the forehead before leaving him to his thoughts.

****

The bruises made Connor hurt to look at them. She traced the pads of her fingertips over the area, ignoring her own battered knuckles to focus on the damage to River’s pale skin. She wasn’t sure if the injuries were caused by that bastard in the hold or the Reaver attack, but either way Connor ached for the abuse River had taken to protect her. The younger woman was face down on the bed, sleeping soundly. Connor wished she could have stayed curled up against her. She’d only had a few hours of rest since they’d talked, but her mind spun even in her dreams.

Her thoughts were empty now, however, with the exception of her worries for the woman beside her. With a sigh, she leaned down and gently kissed River’s shoulder. “Sleep,” she instructed in a whisper, knowing on some level River would hear her. “I’ll be back shortly.”

Connor dressed quickly, wincing a little as the fabric clung to her broken knuckles. Lowering the ladder, she looked back at River once more to make sure she hadn’t woken her. Satisfied River was going to do as ordered, Connor slipped away and headed for the infirmary.

She avoided the galley all together, not feeling steady enough for another round with the Operative.

Simon was asleep in the passenger lounge and Connor contemplated him for a moment, wondering if she should wake him to get what she needed for River more quickly. She decided he’d had just about as bad a day as the rest of them, and she didn’t relish the thought of the barrage of questions he was sure to unleash at her about his sister. Connor turned away, hoping she was leaving him to pleasant dreams.

The low murmur of voices reached her from the infirmary and Connor almost turned back, in no mood to deal with anyone but River. When she heard Zoe’s familiar tones, however, she continued on, stepping hesitantly inside to see how her old friend was doing.

Conversation ceased when they saw her, but Connor was greeted by Inara’s hesitant smile and Zoe’s concerned gaze.

“Sorry to interrupt,” the pilot muttered, wishing now she’d followed her first inclination and gone back to her quarters.

“Not at all,” Inara quickly assured her. “It’s good to see you up and about.”

Connor’s gaze slid to Zoe and the two women silently acknowledged the other’s pain at their current circumstances. They each gave a slight nod, a promise to talk when they were alone.

“You hit him?” Zoe asked, her voice almost a croak.

At first, Connor wasn’t sure what Zoe meant until she realized Zoe was looking at the pilot’s battered hand. Connor didn’t even remember wrapping it around her locket. “A wall,” she admitted roughly, letting her hand fall back at her side. She glanced at Inara who had lifted an eyebrow in silent response but otherwise remained mum on the news.

“Thought you had a heavy bag,” Zoe drawled.

“Fell off during the escape. Just my luck.”

They stared at each other again with silent understanding. Connor hurt for her, hurt for them both. She looked away first, moving to the cabinets and beginning to rifle through them.

“Just came down to find some salve for River,” the pilot explained. “Got a few bruises.”

“Is she all right?” Simon’s voice from the doorway made them all turn.

“Fine,” Connor answered tightly, cursing her bad luck at the appearance of River’s brother.

The doctor nodded, and much to Connor’s relief he didn’t press her for more answers.

“Got just the thing,” Simon said wearily, brushing past the pilot to retrieve the item in question.

Connor eyed the vials locked in an airtight container on the counter inches away from Simon’s position, the Alliance’s symbol in plain view. Her jaw set as she forced her gaze onto Simon’s back. A moment later, he turned and handed her a small container.

“This will increase the blood flow to the area. Has something for the pain as well.” Simon regarded her hesitantly.

“Thanks,” Connor murmured, eager to get back to her quarters and to River. She was feeling fragile, and she had a sneaking suspicion it was obvious to everyone in the room.

“Let me…” Simon trailed off, his hand outstretched in the air between them. He swallowed at the look Connor gave him, an expression on her face that made him think twice about touching her. He cleared his throat. “Your hands…”

“Did it to myself, Doc.”

“Be that as it may,” Simon continued bravely. “I’m a doctor. Let me do my job. Please.”

They stared at each other, neither backing down.

“Think I’d be more comfortable in my quarters,” Zoe abruptly announced. “Nothing against your examination chair, Doc, but my bed is a lot softer.”

The tension eased a fraction as Simon and Connor watched Inara help the second-in-command to her feet. Zoe gave them all a nod, accepting Inara’s help for Connor’s sake. The pilot had been through enough today; she didn’t need an audience right now as well.

Connor’s jaw clenched but her green eyes had softened by the time she gave Zoe a respectful and grateful nod as she passed.

“Be quick about it,” the pilot grumbled when they were gone. She flexed her fingers as Simon began to carefully wipe them down with antiseptic, his touch surprisingly gentle. Once he was satisfied the surface was clean, he began to rub a salve into the wounds. Connor flinched at first, but heat slowly began to radiate from the injuries, finally leaving her hands almost pleasantly numb.

“Better?” Simon asked as he stepped back.

The pilot slowly flexed her knuckles again. “Better,” she confessed with mild surprise.

“From my own supply,” the doctor told her. “Don’t tell the captain about it.”

The pilot lifted one brow in silent question.

“As often as he gets hurt I’d always be running out… and it’s expensive.”

“Why waste it on me?”

Simon opened his mouth to respond then closed it, opting to compose his thoughts before replying. “River would want me to,” he finally explained.

Connor swallowed, accepting his words were true.

“Is she all right?” Simon asked again.

“She’s sleeping,” the pilot told him, relenting a little. “But she has some bruises… from the Reavers,” Connor added just to be sure Simon didn’t suspect her of doing River harm.

Simon sighed before picking up the jar of salve Connor had set on the counter as he’d treated her injuries. “Do I need to take a look at her?”

Connor shook her head as she took the jar from him. “Just bruises,” she promised, her voice losing its edge.

The doctor nodded once more. “Then I trust she’s in good hands.”

“I don’t know about that,” Connor murmured, surprising them both with the revelation as she looked at her bandaged knuckles. She stared in mild surprise when Simon covered one of her hands with his.

“I know I’m overprotective,” he said reluctantly. “For a long time she was…” He trailed off as he remembered tougher times. When he met Connor’s eyes once more they were studying him intently. “River never does anything halfway. Every subject in school that caught her fancy… she had to know everything she could about it. When she dances, she doesn’t just move to the music, she becomes it. I always knew when she fell in love that it would be with her whole heart.”

“Simon…”

The doctor held up a hand and Connor lapsed into silence. “I had thought the Alliance had taken that chance from her. That they’d damaged her too much.” He took a short, shaky breath. “Thank you,” he said quietly, “for proving me wrong.”

Connor swallowed.

“Truce?” Simon asked with a weary smile.

“Truce, Doc,” Connor sighed, feeling another weight she hadn’t even known she was carrying drop away.

“Now go treat my sister,” Simon instructed around a yawn. “She sure as hell won’t let me do it.”

****

Chunks of ice floated in the black, cold reminders of the life and world they had been a part of only hours before. When the Alliance ship moved in range, it stayed on the fringe, scanning the debris field for any signs of life and coming up empty.

“Well?” Ellison asked the officer at the helm.

“No life signs, Sir.”

He hadn’t expected there to be. Ellison moved closer to the view screen, taking in the evidence of a good day’s work. “And the firefly? Have you located what’s left of her hull?” He intended to bring it aboard, take it back as a trophy. His superiors would give him a commendation for this.

“Um…”

Ellison looked back at the junior officer. “Well?”

“N-no, Sir.” The officer ran his scans again. “Detecting some debris from the colony, but none of the compounds that would have comprised the metals on Serenity’s hull.”

“Are you telling me that they escaped?” Ellison asked with disbelief.

“It’s possible they were pulverized, Sir. If they were caught in the beam…”

Ellison cut him off. “Widen your search. I want reports every ten minutes. Find that ship, Ensign.” He moved away, all too aware that the young man behind him was shaking.

“Yes, Sir.”

TBC


	27. Chapter 27

Zoe intended two things when she’d left the infirmary. One was to get somewhere alone so she could think and process what Inara had revealed about New Eden and the Operative’s role in it. The other had been to give Sarah and Simon a chance to hash things out without an audience. She only managed to accomplish one of her goals.

Frowning, Zoe breathed in the fragranced air of Inara’s shuttle. She leaned against the doorway, watching as the companion turned down the bed, and tried to remember how they’d wound up here. “This don’t look like my quarters,” Zoe murmured.

She saw a flash of a wicked smile on Inara’s features but then the companion’s expression went pleasantly neutral once more. “Took you long enough to realize that.”

Zoe’s frown deepened into a scowl. Clearly the sedative in her system was still fogging things up. She could feel a snappy response forming somewhere deep in her brain but damned if she could seem to make her mouth speak it. Inara chuckled, apparently sensing Zoe’s struggle, and the second-in-command found the sound to be dangerously distracting.

“If Mal thinks giving me a guard dog will stop me from doing what I need to do, he’s sadly mistaken,” Zoe told her.

Inara straightened slowly. “He’s trying to be your friend. And for once… I think he might have everyone’s best interests at heart.” Inara laced her fingers and regarded Zoe in the flickering candlelight of her quarters. “And I made the choice to stay with you. Mal never even asked.”

“You’re defending him,” Zoe replied, puzzled by what sounded like a hint of jealousy in her tone.

“It happens… rarely.” Inara came closer, her dark eyes studying Zoe closely. “You need more rest. And Mal and the others need more answers from our friend in the hold. As distasteful as it is for all of us to have him on-board, Zoe, you know I’m right.”

“Wash is dead because of him.”

The thinly veiled pain in Zoe’s voice made Inara’s heart hurt. “I know.”

“He’s got no right to walk the halls of this ship. Wash’s ship.”

“I know,” Inara breathed again, her voice softening further. “If there was something I could do to make this easier for you… I would do it.”

Zoe stared at her, their gazes lingering so long that Inara felt her heart begin to pound as her imagination conjured all the various ways Zoe might decide to take her up on that offer. “Zoe…”

The second-in-command brushed past her, staggering a little toward the bed before sitting on the edge of it. Her heart was thumping so hard she was seeing spots, but she decided it was a side effect of the drugs in her system. Nothing more.

Blowing out an uneven breath, Inara was relieved that Zoe seemed to be accepting the reality of the moment. She turned and helped Zoe with her boots, unbuckling the clasps and easing them off before wordlessly lifting the covers. Zoe’s chin hitched higher as they stared at one another, a hint of challenge in her eyes.

“I can stand here the rest of the night,” Inara vowed. “But you wouldn’t even make it down the steps.”

Zoe glared at her a moment longer before rolling her eyes and siding under the sheets. Feeling triumphant, Inara smiled. “Want me to read you a bedtime story?”

“Don’t push it,” Zoe answered readily, but there was no mistaking the tinge of amusement in her voice. “Where are you supposed to sleep?” Zoe wondered.

Inara paused, a nervous tongue darting out to wet her dry lips. “I have a few things to do,” she explained. “Then I have a very comfortable chair I doze off in all the time.”

“Bed’s big enough for two,” Zoe answered honestly as she closed her eyes, not sure if she wanted Inara to take her up on her offer or not.

“Should be,” Inara teased faintly. “Given what I do for a living.”

Zoe’s mouth curved slightly in a drowsy smile. “You lie next to strangers all the time.” Her eyes cracked open a fraction as she watched Inara with interest. “Would think sleeping next to a friend would be nothing.”

Inara swallowed, feeling her breath catching in her chest. “Is that what we are?” she asked softly.

The smile on Zoe’s lips slowly faded, but her gaze remained on the companion. “We’re something,” Zoe said after a moment of consideration, not sure where they stood with one another or even where she wished they did.

“I think it’s best if I sleep in the chair.” Inara hoped she kept her disappointment out of her voice.

Zoe’s gaze finally dropped. “I’ll leave room if you change your mind.”

“Don’t tempt me,” Inara whispered under her breath. She was quiet for a long moment as she watched Zoe’s eyes slowly close. Inara really needed to talk to Mal, but she didn’t dare leave Zoe alone without some reassurances first. Cursing herself, Inara settled on the edge of the bed, waiting for Zoe to open her eyes again.

Lifting an eyebrow in silent question, Zoe waited for Inara to say what was on her mind.

“Promise me,” Inara said seriously. “Promise me you’ll stay away from him.”

“Like you said… Can’t even walk down the stairs.”

“That wouldn’t stop you from trying,” Inara replied drolly.

Zoe studied her in the candlelight, her train of thought struggling to stay on track. “You really think this New Eden thing is real?”

Inara considered the question. “I think we need to know.”

“And if it is?”

Inara could see the memories stirring behind Zoe’s eyes. She reached out and cupped Zoe’s cheek, waiting until her gaze was fixed solidly on hers. “We’ll worry about that when the time comes.”

“Got more battles in me,” Zoe confessed. “But I don’t know if I’ve got another war.”

“Whether you do or you don’t,” Inara murmured, “I’d follow you into one anyway.” She smiled, pleased when Zoe returned the gesture ever so faintly. “Promise me, Zoe. Promise me you’ll stay away from that bastard for now.”

Unable to say no to those eyes, Zoe nodded wearily, not nearly as upset by her capitulation as she thought she would be. “Fine then.”

Inara lingered, arguing with herself over what to say or do next. Finally, she leaned closer, letting her hand fall away as she kissed the slope of Zoe’s cheek. As she lifted up, Zoe’s eyes were clear of medication and fixed intently on her. Inara swallowed roughly, but managed a brave smile under Zoe’s heated gaze. “Thank you.”

Without waiting for a response, Inara rose from the bed and moved away, slipping out the door and shutting it gently behind her.

Zoe lifted her gaze to the ceiling; her feelings conflicted as a jumble of emotions about Wash, the Operative, and a beautiful companion kept her from easy dreams.

****

It didn’t look like much. Just a big, rusty brown ball hanging on the edge of known space. They’d passed it hundreds of times, Mal mused, never giving it a second glance. It was a dead rock. Everyone knew it. No need to land there when there wasn’t any air to breathe or coin to gain.

The captain stared at the image of New Eden on the monitor. While the rest of his crew slept, hopefully, he continued to sit on the bridge warming River’s chair as he browsed through the information the Operative had given him. The bastard had been thorough, so thorough Mal almost felt like he’d stepped foot on the planet and had a drink while he’d been there.

But was all the information good? Or was it just some damn plan to snare them all? One big, complicated trap? It drove him mad that he didn’t know. “After all the traps I’ve led us into,” he muttered, “you’d think I’d be able to spot more of ‘em.”

His doubts wouldn’t let his mind rest. His hopes wouldn’t leave his dreams alone. Only Connor could ease his concerns, but he knew better than to bother her after what had happened in the galley. He’d wait, patiently as he could, until she came to him. But he worried for her; worried for the anger and grief he’d seen in her eyes. A person was likely to do something rash when they were wading through that kind of hell. He could only put his trust in River to keep Connor whole and breathing.

He tightened his hand on the seat to keep himself from going to check on them both. His whole crew was a right fine mess for that matter, and he debated making a tour of the ship to peer in on everyone again. After an uncertain moment, he stayed where he was, deciding it was best to let them sleep. He’d asked them to walk through a living nightmare yesterday. The least he could do was leave them to what he prayed were pleasant dreams.

His attention wandered back to the monitor and the planet that floated there. If the Operative was telling the truth, and Mal allowed that was a pretty big ‘if,’ then he could have another shot at the Alliance. Another chance at redemption. He wanted both with the desperation of a starving man offered a seven-course meal. But he wouldn’t jump without the crew, especially Zoe. There was no real decision to be made until she was awake and talking and no longer pissed at him.

And Connor’s opinion mattered, too. More now that ever.

Mal’s thoughts halted there when he heard the soft clang of a hatch lock releasing. It sounded close, and he got hesitantly to his feet, glancing at the time before edging toward the door to peer around the corner. As he watched, his pilot lowered her ladder.

Some sixth sense must have told her he was there, or maybe she’d even heard him breathing, because Connor suddenly glanced up and their gazes met. Her eyes looked tired and bloodshot, but they were clear of the murder that had been there the night before. Mal felt relief skitter through him, and he smiled faintly, pleased his faith in River hadn’t been misplaced.

“Morning,” he said neutrally.

The pilot cleared her throat and looked less than thrilled at the possibility of conversation. “Didn’t think you would be up,” she grumbled as she struggled to hold his gaze, finally dropping hers to stare at the floor.

Mal understood completely. “You got a minute?”

Those sharp green eyes fastened on him again. Without a word, Connor climbed the steps and came onto the bridge. She tucked one thumb into the buckle on her gun belt, the other hand fiddled with the small jar she was carrying. She waited expectantly for him to continue.

The captain didn’t blame her for being armed. He was as well. It paid to be cautious with their guest on-board. His gaze lingered on her bandaged hands a moment longer, suspecting he would have had similar injuries if he’d been in her boots. “Listen,” Mal began. “I know you went to hell and gone last night… but I need some information.”

“I didn’t work for him,” Connor snapped, guessing that was what he wanted to know.

“Didn’t think you did. I know you better than that,” Mal answered mildly. He missed her look of surprise as he turned his back, punching the image of New Eden up on all the monitors. When he looked back to her she was staring at it. “Tell me.”

Connor’s jaw bunched and tightened, but she let her hands drop at her sides. “What do you want to know?”

“Truth would be good.”

The pilot shook her head. “I’m not even sure what that is anymore.”

“Your version of it,” Mal prompted.

Connor sighed and moved to her chair before sinking into it. She stared at the image a moment longer before reluctantly speaking. “That’s New Eden,” she confirmed with a wave at the nearest monitor. “There’s an elaborate cloaking system in place that projects that appearance.”

“And under it?”

“Completely terraformed. Green grass, lakes, oceans… trees are still a little small since it’s only been a handful of years.” She looked up at him, her green eyes serious. “I believed in it, Mal. The cause. Every damn word.”

“River claims he ain’t lying.”

Connor digested that before her gaze shifted back onto the image. “You want to know if you should go. If you should take us there.”

Mal pursed his lips. “I wanna know what you think.”

“Of all the times for you to start trusting my judgment… not sure this should be the one.”

Mal smirked weakly. “I’d trust you with my back… with my life.”

They stared at each other. Mal could feel her assessing him, sizing up his mannerisms and words. She’d always had a way of seeing right through him. He tried not to fidget.

“The son-of-a-bitch told you,” Connor realized with a shake of her head.

Feeling guilty but not sure why, Mal simply shrugged. “He filled in the parts I’d forgotten,” the captain admitted. “But your story ain’t why I trust you, it just adds a layer.”

Connor looked down at her wrapped hands, wincing as she flexed them a little. She took a deep breath. “I wouldn’t trust the Operative any further than I can throw him… but I trust Brandon.” Her gaze lifted and she pinned him with a look. “He’s as much a Browncoat as we are, Mal.”

“I know,” Mal agreed easily.

“Whatever the Operative’s motives… the people on New Eden think they’re building a new resistance.”

“Then we should go?” Mal murmured, hoping he didn’t sound as eager as he thought he did.

“You asking for my permission?” Connor asked snidely.

Mal started to say something equally as snide back, but then he caught himself. “Suppose in a way I am.”

Connor raked a hand through her disheveled hair and slowly nodded, feeling both touched and embarrassed. She and Mal had never seen eye-to-eye about much of anything, but their shared hatred of the Alliance had been enough to forge a strong bond between them once. Sarah could feel echoes of that connection now and she decided she’d been hard enough here on him. “I need to know as much as you do,” she confessed as her gaze returned to the floor between them.

“Maybe more,” the captain added knowingly.

Connor got to her feet, uncomfortable with the shift in topics. “River’s got some bruises,” she mumbled, her grip tightening on the jar of salve in her hands.

Mal’s gaze dipped to Connor’s busted knuckles once more.

“She got them fighting the Reavers,” Connor grumbled. “She would have kicked my ass if I took a swing at her.”

The captain held up his hands. “I said nothing.”

Connor rolled her eyes and started for the stairs. Mal watched her go, wincing at what his heart was insisting that he do. He hoped her knuckles hurt too much to throw any more punches. “Connor?”

She looked back at him, impatience in every line of her body.

“For what it’s worth, and it probably ain’t much…” Mal held her gaze. “Sarah Connor is a damn proud name. One your family gave you. Seems like the Alliance has taken enough. Maybe you can take that one piece back.”

For a long, tense moment, Mal half expected Connor to draw her pistol and shoot him. Finally the tension bled from her shoulders and she almost smiled. “River beat me to it already.”

“That mean I can call you Sarah?” he joked, already knowing the answer.

“No,” she called out as she descended the steps, but Mal didn’t miss the broadening of her smile, feeling the faint answering tug of his own lips at the sight of it.

****

Connor let the ladder clang softly into place above her before engaging the lock. She took a moment to simply stand there and stare at River’s body, still beautiful even with the painful and colorful bruises marring the skin of her back. Connor sighed, marveling that she could feel this much for another human being after everything she had been through. River would claim otherwise, but to Connor, the young woman was magic.

Unbuckling her gun belt, she slung it over a nearby chair before shedding her pants and boots. She left her shirt on against the chill River didn’t seem to feel. Drawing closer, Connor eased onto the bed, uncapping the jar of salve and dipping her fingers inside. It had a pleasant, almost minty scent, and she breathed it in appreciatively before beginning to gently massage it into River’s back.

The skin warmed under her touch, and Connor allowed her thoughts to quiet and empty as she focused on the contours and planes under her hands. River breathed in deeply, her body shifting silently closer, but she didn’t open her eyes or speak. Perhaps she sensed the pilot’s need for this moment of peace, or maybe she needed it herself, but neither said a word as Connor continued her ministrations.

River fought the desire to let Sarah’s touch ease her back into her dreams. Her back tingled, from the salve or Sarah’s hands, River wasn’t sure. She only knew she’d never felt such a gentle touch on her body before, and she didn’t want to waste a moment of it by sleeping. Mentally, she reached out, hesitantly testing Sarah’s mental state. She was surprised to find the other woman completely open to her, the normal walls Sarah unconsciously erected between herself and the world strangely missing. The pilot seemed calm, although River detected an underlying worry about the Operative, but he was a minor concern for Sarah at the moment. Sarah was focused on River, nearly to the exclusion of everything else, and River found she didn’t mind that at all. An unconscious smile shaped her lips.

Connor noticed the smile and one of her own formed in reaction. In no hurry to finish, she moved her touch outward, running her hands down River’s arms, feeling the deceptive muscle that lay coiled beneath smooth skin. River slid even closer, welcoming her touch, finally moaning softly when Connor founded a particularly knotted area and began to ease the tension with knowledgeable hands.

“Like that?”

Sarah’s voice was hoarse, and the sound of it did funny things to River’s stomach. She swallowed, arching her back slightly to increase the pressure. “It smells nice,” River replied, her own voice huskier than she had expected it to be. She felt Connor’s hands hesitate in response before slowly continuing. “You didn’t need to do this.”

The bed jostled. A moment later, Sarah came into view as the pilot tilted her head and leaned over her patient to make eye contact. She lifted one eyebrow in silent rebuke. River grinned, cheered to see a glimpse of a playful side of Sarah she so rarely witnessed.

“Says the woman who did what you did last night,” Connor murmured, but her voice was fairly light, no hint that she was still upset.

River was disappointed when Sarah sat back up, but the delicious touch on her back resumed. She stretched, feeling one of Sarah’s hands follow the path of a newly revealed muscle.

“Are you all right?” Sarah asked abruptly, as if it just occurred to her to ask. For a second, she didn’t even know what she wanted to know. She took a short breath. “These… these look like they hurt.”

“I’m okay,” River promised. “I’m always okay when you’re here.”

The pilot swallowed. “You’re sure? About… everything?”

“Yes,” River replied simply.

“You shouldn’t have…” Connor began.

“It’s done.”

Connor was quiet for a moment, sensing there was no way in hell she was going to win this conversation. “I wouldn’t have wished this on you, River.”

“I asked. You just… let me.”

Feeling suddenly lightheaded, Connor realized she had forgotten to breathe. She dragged air into her lungs, focusing on her hands as she digested that news.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” River murmured. “You just let me in. You may not have wanted to… but you needed to.”

Connor considered that bit of news. “Just how much of me…?” she trailed off, almost afraid to know the answer.

“You decided that, not me.” River surprised her, feeling Sarah’s hands still on her back. “I didn’t force you, Sarah. You let me,” she repeated. “You’re like a fortress to me,” River continued, feeling the ripples of Sarah’s shock swim through her. “I can only have access when you want me to.”

River made it all sound so harmless, but Connor knew it was anything but. She sighed, reluctantly accepting there was nothing she could do about it. A part of her wasn’t even sure she would have changed things if she could. This moment felt clean and pure between them… open and honest in a way few things had in her life. Slowly, her hands began to move again, smoothing over River’s back and feeling the touch ground her in the moment.

“We’re going, aren’t we?” River asked simply, neatly changing the topic with the knowledge Sarah would correctly guess she was talking about New Eden.

“Yeah. Think so,” Connor admitted. She was quiet a moment. “I… I’m sorry I kept it from you.”

“You had orders,” River proclaimed, her tone understanding.

“You’re more important than orders.”

A soft kiss on her right shoulder blade made River’s thoughts scatter. She felt the contact to her toes and had to swallow against the sudden dryness in her throat.

“I kind of want you to see it,” Sarah continued, oblivious to the effect she was having on the other woman. “There are a few good places to eat. Nothing fancy, mind you, but some good food. They have dancing in the town square every night.”

“Dancing?” River asked, her interest perking up.

“I thought that would get your attention,” Connor chuckled.

“You promised to take me dancing,” River reminded her, turning her head and glancing up at the pilot over her shoulder.

“Suppose I did.” Connor smiled wearily. “Guess it’s a date,” she added in a near whisper.

“I’ve never really been on a date,” River confessed, both elated and a little intimidated by the idea. Cold air hit her skin as Sarah sat back to place the jar of salve on a shelf. A moment later, the pilot’s warm body banished the chill as Sarah wrapped around her.

“Then I’ll have to plan something really good,” Sarah vowed sleepily, snuggling closer before burying her face in River’s hair at the base of the other woman’s neck.

River suddenly didn’t feel nearly as tired as the woman holding her. “I know you will.” Her eyes fluttered closed as the pilot’s hands slid slowly across her ribs before coming to rest on her stomach. Was this what Sarah had felt that night when she’d pretended to be asleep, sneaking touches across the pilot’s body? If so, Sarah was getting her revenge in spades. River kept her eyes closed, willing sleep to come, unaware of the devilish grin on Sarah’s face as the pilot drifted off to sleep behind her.

****

He could feel the change in the air. Some peace had been achieved within the confines of the ship, like the tension had been bled from the atmosphere, the former Operative mused as he leaned his head against the wall in his cell.

Perhaps Malcolm had reached his decision. Or maybe it was Sarah Connor laying some of her demons to rest. Whatever the case, he felt some of the painful tightness in his muscles ease and was grateful. He knew his presence was causing the scrappy little crew more distress than they needed, but it was also necessary. He’d avoided bringing the crew of Serenity into the fold before now. They were too high profile. Too many people would come looking if Malcolm Reynolds inexplicably vanished, and he didn’t need anyone from the Alliance looking under his particular rock.

But now it was time. Time to bring the firefly and her crew home. Not all of them would survive the new journey they were about to take. He knew that with a sad acceptance of the realities of war, but the sacrifices they would soon make would be just. They would be for freedom, and nothing meant more to this crew than that.

Closing his eyes, he thought of the former pilot his past misdeeds had killed. Of the good Shepherd Book his men had murdered. “Forgive me,” he murmured to the ghosts he could feel lingering around him, hoping the path he was about to walk would atone for even a fraction of his sins. He could never do enough to make up for their deaths and the deaths of thousands more, but he was ready to give his own life to try.

TBC


	28. Chapter 28

Exhaustion was giving way to fresh agitation. Scowling, River opened her eyes to the muted light of Sarah’s quarters, and she frowned as she tried to pinpoint what had drawn her up out of her dreams. Her thoughts instantly went to Mal, wondering if his worries had woken her once more, but she soon discovered the captain wasn’t the only one with a troubled mind.   
   
The crew was unsurprisingly restless. River could feel everyone stirring but Kaylee, the mechanic blessedly unaware of the full scope of horrors the rest of them endured back on Nix. River suspected there would be plenty of nights in her near future where she’d be wrenched again and again from her rest by someone else’s nightmares. She accepted that, so long as she didn’t have to wake up alone.   
   
Her fingers skimmed down Sarah’s spine, and River marveled at the softness of the pilot’s skin. She loved the way Sarah’s skin smelled, and River had the sneaking suspicion she would love the way it tasted. It was hard to confine her fingers simply to Sarah’s back when they itched to explore the bare canvas before them, but River managed, loath to wake Sarah when she knew the other woman needed her rest. For now, she would be content to be this close to her, to feel her heat all around her. River sighed and shifted, feeling Sarah’s warm weight keeping her in place when she felt the need to rise and wander. She had once believed she would never know this kind of intimacy except for the fleeting brushes of emotion she felt from the others onboard. The Alliance had tried to rob her of this kind of feeling and failed. Just one more way Sarah had gotten her revenge.  
   
They were going on a date. The mere thought made her stomach erupt with butterflies, but nerves aside, River couldn’t wait. To dance in Sarah’s arms was something she’d imagined from nearly the moment she’d met her. As much as River loved to dance, she had never longed for a partner until that moment. Perhaps because she had believed no one would ever truly want her in return. But River had no illusions about Sarah’s feelings for her. She’d felt them in all their confusing, frightening, and beautiful glory. What was between them was right, and true, and very, very real. No figment of her overactive imagination, River thought with a wan smile. Even her imagination couldn’t have concocted someone as perfect for her as Sarah.   
   
Even now, the crew’s fears and worries felt distant and dull rather than sharp and distracting. In all the years she’d spent inside the walls of Serenity, River had never found a good way to cope with everyone’s emotions. Sarah acted as a barrier, a balm blunting the intensity. It felt wonderful to have that shield, and River doubted she would ever be able to make Sarah fully understand how much that meant to her. What she’d taken from Sarah to ease her mental and emotional burdens seemed almost insignificant in comparison to the peace Sarah had given her in return.  
   
River let her fingers trace random patterns on Sarah’s back as her mind wandered. Like Kaylee, the pilot was dead to the world, but River knew Sarah’s dreams weren’t as empty as the mechanic’s. Occasionally, River could almost see the thoughts running through Sarah’s mind, catching glimpses of mountains, green grass, and dual moons in the sky. River could almost smell the fresh air. New Eden, she suspected, more curious now than ever to see the mysterious planet.  
   
Musing about the planet turned to thoughts about the man who ran it. The Operative was awake, River realized, but his mind was calm. Focused. She felt a now familiar chill when her thoughts touched his, but he was considering things that surprised her. Where to planet crops for the coming summer. How to divert mountain streams for cleaner water. There were no thoughts of battle or bloodshed, but she could still feel the violence lurking inside him, a constant specter. She knew it well, feeling it lurk in equal measure under her own skin.

She hated that he was on the ship, but her own thoughts were finally settled enough that she had to admit his presence was an unfortunate necessity. River sensed he was going to be useful in the near future, so for now, she would let him live.  
   
By habit, she mentally checked in with the rest of the crew one last time, her thoughts lingering with interest over Zoe and Inara. Her eyebrows elevated slightly as she detected what was causing both women a sleepless night.  
   
“Huh,” River murmured to no one in particular. She glanced down at Sarah and smiled. “You kept me from seeing that one coming,” she teased in a whisper.  
   
****  
   
The sheets were too damn soft, and they smelled too damn good. Zoe rolled over onto her right side, breathing in Inara’s scent on the pillow. For reasons she didn’t want to consider, Zoe found that unacceptable, so she rolled over onto her back, staring up at the satin-draped ceiling. She couldn’t remember ever being on a bed as comfortable as the companion’s and she stubbornly refused to believe she would ever want or need such a luxury.

Blowing out an aggravated breath, Zoe purposefully closed her eyes again, determined to rest despite her senses eagerly absorbing the scents and softness around her. Just like Inara, everything about her quarters was sensual.

The realization brought a rush of images of what Inara had no doubt done under the very sheets draped over Zoe’s body. She tried to think of something else, anything else, but she couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to be on the receiving end of the companion’s talents.

Uncomfortably warm, Zoe sat up and tossed off the covers, swinging her legs over the side of the bed. Sleep wasn’t going to come, not when Zoe was surrounded by reminders of the very woman who’d been keeping her up lately.  
   
This was no place for her. It was too frilly. Too nice. She was a soldier. She liked simple… needed simple. Zoe closed her eyes, feeling the room spin for an uncertain moment. She listened for Inara’s footfalls, half expecting to feel the companion’s cool hand brush over her fevered brow, but the touch never came. Zoe opened her eyes again and tried to pretend that she wasn’t disappointed.  
   
Bowing her head, Zoe stared at the floor, wondering when she’d let her guard down, wondering when she’d let Inara inch inside a door she thought she’d closed forever. Since Wash’s death, she’d worn her pain like a badge of honor, a testament to Wash and what they’d lost. Comfort wasn’t allowed or wanted. The hurt reminded her of what she was missing, of how much she’d loved him. No one was ever supposed to make that pain better.  
   
After Wash’s death, everyone had tried to help her heal, even Jayne in his own boorish way. Inara had seemed to be the only one who understood, the only who comprehended why she wasn’t willing to move on. Inara had grasped the full magnitude of what Zoe had lost, and she’d been grateful for that, especially when the companion had come between Mal and his good intentions or Kaylee and her misguided attempts to cheer her up.   
   
So when had it all changed? When had she started to crave comfort again? Crave conversation and contact again? Zoe lifted her head and took a deep breath. She didn’t want this. She wanted to push Inara back out that door and lock it tight behind her, but something stopped her every time the thought crossed her mind.   
   
Looking down at the ring on her left hand, Zoe tightened her fingers into a fist. With a sigh, she got to her feet, wavering unsteadily for a moment before making her way toward the door. She was halfway to her quarters when she realized that wasn’t the destination she wanted. Instead, she realized she was following the faint trace of Inara’s perfume.  
   
She shook her head at herself, but found she didn’t have the strength to turn around and go the other way. Zoe needed to see her, talk to her. The sound of Inara’s voice suddenly seemed necessary, and Zoe felt conflicted by the desire.  
   
“Gorram it,” she whispered, hating this sudden weakness she’d been wholly unprepared to ever feel again, and how strangely good that weakness made her feel.  
   
****  
   
There was nowhere to go and nothing to do to occupy Inara’s restless mind. The temptation to return to her quarters was strong, but her courage was too weak. She didn’t know how to face Zoe right now, not when her own emotions were so close to the surface. Wandering into the galley, Inara stopped cold. Jayne’s heavily armed presence in the corner was jarring, and she was abruptly reminded of their guest in the hold. Her dark eyes darted uneasily to the door that separated him from the crew, and she felt like it was scant protection against everything he represented.  
   
Jayne watched her expectantly. When she said nothing, he took a sip of his mead and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “Popular guy,” he grumbled with a nod at the door.  
   
Inara shook her head and shied away toward the far side of the room. “Honestly, I’d almost forgotten he was here.” She looked at Jayne, grimacing in mild distaste at the state of his nose. “What happened to you?”  
   
“River,” he muttered. “Damn fool girl had to go through me to get to Connor.”  
   
Inara doubted that Jayne would ever realize how romantic that sounded nor would he appreciate being told. She smothered a smile at the thought. “I would have guessed you would have learned not to get in River’s way,” she responded lightly.  
   
“Don’t ever stand in front of crazy,” Jayne agreed before he took another sip from his cup.  
   
“Is it a good idea to be drinking when you’re on watch?”  
   
Jayne shrugged, nonplussed by Inara’s clear disproval. “Too jumpy with him on-board and the Alliance about. Needed to take the edge off.”  
   
“Hmm.” Inara thought Jayne had probably dulled more than just his edge. “You seen Mal?”  
   
“On the bridge.”  
   
“I should have guessed.” Inara gave Jayne a parting nod before making her way toward the only other crewmember she’d known would be awake. Her earlier encounter with Mal had been a little unsettling, stirring up some long, forgotten feelings, but at least he was someone to talk to.  
   
Jayne belched behind her.  
   
Someone intelligent, Inara amended mentally.  
   
She made her way down the hall past the crew quarters, stopping outside Connor’s hatch and listening quietly. There were no sounds coming from the pilot’s room, and Inara decided to believe that was a good thing. Hopefully Connor was getting some needed rest, and River, no doubt, was seeing to it.  
   
Palm resting against the cool metal, Inara smiled. The Verse could be a strange and wonderful place at times, and she was grateful to the fates for bringing those two souls together.  
   
Her musings were interrupted by a muted bang followed by a classic Malcolm Reynold’s curse. Inara hesitated, reconsidering seeking Mal out just to have someone to talk to. Their history always seemed a little too close to the surface, perhaps because they’d left so much unresolved between them. For a moment, Inara let herself remember how happy they’d been for a spell. She had believed he was everything she’d ever wanted, the man of her dreams. But dreams and reality rarely resembled one another as they’d both discovered. Harsh truths began to settle over them as they realized they were too different to have anything that lasted. Their parting had been painful, Inara recalled, but she’d also known it was necessary.

Returning to her quarters didn’t seem like a viable option for the moment, so with a sigh, Inara ascended the steps and paused on the threshold of the bridge. She had expected to find the captain in Connor’s chair. She was certain he would be going through all the Operative’s intel on New Eden, that he might have even fallen asleep in exhaustion while doing so. She never expected to find him under the helm, his backside tilted up at her in greeting.

Inara pursed her lips then covered her mouth with her hand to smoother a laugh. Mal looked ridiculous as he rooted around in an access panel under the floor, cursing and muttering as he ran his hands along the bottom in search of something. She gave him a few points for courage. There was no way she’d ever stick her hand down in one of those things.

As Inara leaned in the doorway and enjoyed the show, she heard a pop and the captain yelp as a spark snapped upward and bounced off the underside of the console.  
   
“And here I thought our fearless leader would be plotting our course away from Alliance space… or perhaps figuring out a way to get his crew out of the latest mess he’d gotten them into…” the companion began cheekily.  
   
Mal lifted his head and looked behind him, seeing Inara’s shoes. He shook his head and scowled. “And here I thought you’d have that pretty little head of yours on your pretty little pillows.”

Inara swallowed at the reminder of who was using those pillows at the moment. She felt a strange reluctance to confess the truth but did anyway. “Actually, they’re occupied right now,” she murmured before stepping further onto the bridge. She rested her elbow on the back of Connor’s chair and watched Mal with open interest.

The captain shifted and sat back on his haunches to look up at her with a taunting lift of his eyebrows. “You bring aboard a client I don’t know about?” he asked in a bemused tone.

“Zoe,” Inara replied primly, feeling her face unexpectedly heat. “Figured someone should keep an eye on her and my bed is a bit more comfortable than the examination chair.”

“Is at that,” Mal drawled, clearly remembering just how comfortable Inara’s bed was first hand. “But who is keeping an eye on her with you in here?”

Jaw tightening, Inara had to bite back her initial response. “She’s sleeping. Whatever sedative Simon gave her, it was an effective one. You’re going to be in trouble when it wears off.”

Mal smirked weakly. “Worth it if she gets her rest.”

Inara cleared her throat, seeing the remembered fear in his eyes just before Mal turned and ducked back under the helm. As callous as Mal could sometimes be, Inara knew he loved Zoe like family. Nearly losing her had to have rattled him. She let some of her irritation fall away. “You seen River? Connor?”

“Saw Connor a bit ago.” His voice was muffled as it carried back to her. Prying up another floor panel, he began to rummage through another set of cables and wires.

“Is she alright?” Inara asked, drifting slightly closer in interest. She frowned, beginning to wonder what he was so determined to find.

“Looked like she’d been to hell and back,” Mal admitted. “But she had a clear head.”

Inara nodded, feeling mildly relieved. “Good,” she murmured. “She was so upset before.”

“Had damn good reason to be.” Mal slammed the panel shut and shifted his attention to another.

“You know why she was so angry?”

Mal paused and that was all the answer Inara needed. “Got a few guesses,” the captain answered evasively.

“None you’re willing to share, I suppose.” Inara sighed, feeling her irritation rising again with Mal’s penchant for keeping things from his crew.

“Not mine to share,” Mal answered, surprising her. “You want to know Connor’s secrets, ask Connor.” His tone indicated the subject was closed.

Feeling rebuked and properly so, Inara scowled slightly, fighting the urge to defend herself while simultaneously being mildly proud of Mal for protecting the pilot. “So have you programmed in the coordinates? Are we headed to New Eden?” She changed the topic and hoped he wouldn’t notice, but she saw his knowing smirk as he glanced back up at her.

“Right now we’re patching up our hurts and getting some much needed rest.” He leaned back under the helm only to jerk back suddenly and bang his head on the bottom of it. “Gorram it,” he muttered.

“What’s wrong?” Inara asked with alarm.

“Felt something… _furry _in there.”__

Inara took a few steps back in alarm. “Furry?” she asked weakly, wondering if she would ever hear the end of it if she climbed up on the pilot’s chair.

Frowning, Mal stuck his hand back in the panel.

“Mal!” Inara snapped, certain he’d finally lost his mind.

“Ain’t nothing alive,” he grumbled. “Just startled me is all.” He withdrew his hand, something small clutched in the middle of it.

Inara’s features crinkled in distaste as she watched him open his palm. She looked away as he reached toward the item with his other hand. “You shouldn’t touch things like that…”

She missed Mal’s look of surprise as he took the sparkling ring out of the velvet box. “I’ll be,” he whispered with a tiny grin. He got a foot under him and rose up to show Inara what he’d found. “Things like this?” he asked, sounding strangely charmed.

Inara turned to find Mal on bended knee, holding a beautiful ring out to her. For a moment, her brain went sideways, and she had the fleeting thought that this was the strangest and most unexpected proposal she’d ever had.

They stared at each other for a string of heartbeats, the ring a sudden symbol of the love they’d shared and walked away from, a silent testament to what they could have had. Mal’s eyes softened suddenly as he watched her and a private smile graced his lips. He’d only ever smiled at her like that, Inara knew, and for a fleeting moment, she wondered if they’d made the right choice by giving up.

Then reality returned and she realized Mal had just found the ring Kaylee didn’t even know she’d lost. Inara laughed softly and started to reach for it when a sound at the door made them both turn.

Zoe was staring at them with an expression that made Inara’s stomach sink.

“No,” Inara groaned a second too late, watching as the second-in-command backed off the bridge with a mumbled apology and fled.

Mal watched her go with confusion before he glanced down at himself, realizing the comical picture they must have made. “Oh no…” he called after Zoe. “I wasn’t… I would never…”

Inara’s gaze jerked back to his face, her features full of fury, and he froze. “Well… I mean… not that I would never… or that you’re not worth…”

“Why is every moment with you a disaster?” Inara huffed. She turned and ran toward the stairs. “Zoe, wait!” she pleaded.

“Try to do someone a gorram favor,” Mal groused to the now empty bridge as he got to his feet. His fingers closed around the ring as he listened to Inara’s fading footsteps. Frowning, Mal slumped back in the pilot’s chair, mulling over the moment he’d just shared with Inara and Zoe’s very strange reaction to witnessing it.

****

Stumbling down the steps in her haste, Zoe ignored the hatch to her quarters and headed for the cargo bay. She needed to be as far from the bridge and what she’d just seen as possible.

Shame, anger, hurt… they all made her burn, and her eyes stung as she maneuvered through the passageways by memory, running on auto-pilot as she tried to outrun her feelings.

The thunder of fast moving footsteps on metal rushed up behind her and Zoe shook her head as she heard Inara’s voice calling her name. She couldn’t look at her right now. Couldn’t let Inara see how much witnessing her with Mal like that had affected her.

But the drugs in her system made her slow and uncoordinated, and Inara caught her easily, spinning her about and pushing her back against the wall.

“Please,” Inara whispered, both confused and hopeful by Zoe’s strong reaction. She dared to reach up and cup the second-in-command’s face with her palms, willing Zoe to meet her gaze. “Zoe… It’s not what you think. Mal wasn’t… He wouldn’t… I wouldn’t…” she tried to explain, feeling a tiny thread of amusement at the absurdity of the situation.

Zoe shook her head and kept her gaze down, trying and failing to deal with emotions she’d been doing her damndest to deny until they’d reached up and slapped her in the face on the bridge. “Just… don’t…” she ground out.

“You have to listen to me,” Inara insisted, desperate to make Zoe understand that what she’d seen was nothing more than a terrible comedy of errors. She gestured back the way she’d come. “It’s Kaylee’s ring. Simon gave it to her but she lost it…”

Something loosened in Zoe’s chest as Inara explained, as she recalled the ring she’d seen Simon holding what seemed like a lifetime ago, but even as she felt relief at the truth, Zoe could feel her walls coming back up stronger than ever.

“It doesn’t matter,” Zoe hissed when Inara came up for a breath.

“Mal wasn’t proposing,” Inara continued, thinking she wasn’t being clear.

“It doesn’t matter,” Zoe said again. In a moment of weakness, she reached up gently ran her fingers down the soft skin of Inara’s cheek but she couldn’t hold her gaze.

Inara went still, her dark eyes searching Zoe’s face even as her body felt the touch all the way to her toes. “What doesn’t matter?” she asked in a hushed voice, feeling suddenly afraid.

Zoe shook her head and let her hand drop to her side, cursing herself for giving in and touching the companion. Distantly, she hoped Wash would forgive her. “What I saw… what I didn’t see… It doesn’t matter,” she insisted.

“Then why do I feel like it does?” Inara asked, stepping closer and watching as Zoe stepped away, her back hitting the wall. “Why did you run? Why won’t you look me in the eye?”

Challenged, Zoe felt her ego rile and her head came up, her gaze fencing with Inara’s for a silent, charged moment. Her eyes were drawn to the lines of Inara’s mouth, and Zoe felt the temptation rise up, felt her whole body respond eagerly to the whispered suggestions her mind was suddenly making.

But then Zoe remembered the emotion she’d seen in Mal’s eyes when he looked up at the companion on the bridge. Inara would never know, could never know, just how much Mal had cared for her. She was the only one who’d ever gotten all the way inside, and Zoe knew that even if Inara had moved on, a part of the captain hadn’t and never would.

“Nothing is going to happen,” Zoe announced, her voice firm but rough with emotion.

Inara took in a painful breath, wondering if Zoe meant what she thought she did. She gambled, sensing this was the moment to lay everything on the line. “Because of Wash?” she guessed. “He would want you happy,” she vowed, her fingers tangling in the fabric covering Zoe’s stomach.

Zoe swallowed, feeling the heat of the companion’s hands through her thin clothing. Having confirmed that whatever was happening between them was mutual, she suddenly found it hard to breathe. Part of her rejoiced and reveled in knowing Inara cared for her, wanted her, but familiar grief wasn’t far behind. “I can’t.”

“Why?” Inara breathed, ready to refute any argument, ready to finally fight for a chance.

“I can’t,” Zoe repeated. “Not as long as Mal still looks at you the way he just did on the bridge.” Maybe it was an excuse to protect her heart and maybe it was the truth to protect his, Zoe wasn’t sure. She only knew she’d seen something in her captain’s eyes when he’d looked up at the companion, something she couldn’t take away from him.

“Zoe,” Inara pleaded, confused by the twists and turns the conversation was taking. “Don’t… Mal and I… It’s over.”

“Over for you. Not so sure it is for him.” Aching for the pain she could see in Inara’s eyes, Zoe started to reach for her again only to fist her hand and pull it back. With effort, she turned and walked away, praying that Mal wouldn’t waste the opportunity he’d never know she’d just given him.

****


	29. Chapter 29

“Wake up.”

Connor inhaled deeply as she was shaken from a heavy sleep. Her green eyes opened reluctantly, and she found herself looking up into River’s downturned features. It certainly wasn’t a bad sight to wake up to, but she could have done with a few more hours of shuteye.

“Sarah, you need to get up,” River insisted, looking regretful but determined.

“What is it?” Connor grumbled sleepily, already feeling herself sliding back down into oblivion. It was hard to fight when she was surrounded by River’s seductive heat and curves. Her body was disgustingly comfortable with her current arrangement.

“Sarah,” River sounded impatient now. “Get up. Something’s wrong.”

The pilot’s eyes snapped open this time, her soldier’s instincts responding out of habit. “The Operative?” she asked, feeling her senses start to sharpen.

River shook her head. “Zoe.”

Connor blinked, trying to make sense of the conversation. “Did she take a turn? She okay?”

“She’s done something… stupid,” River admitted ruefully. “She needs a friend.”

Slowly, the pilot eased upright. “And you think that needs to be me?” she asked skeptically. “She and Mal are…”

“Mal is part of the problem.” River looked apologetic but certain, and Connor knew there was no way she was going to be allowed to tumble back into her dreams.

“When isn’t he?” Connor growled, deciding to blame the captain for her troubles. She wasn’t sure what Mal had done, but she was certain he’d been an ass about it. “Fine,” she mumbled, scowling as she slid out of the warm confines of her bed. She grabbed a thick, pine-green shirt and slipped it over her head. “Where is she?”

River was quiet a moment as she tried to place Zoe’s whereabouts. “She’s in the cargo hold. Alone.” River sounded distressed by the realization.

“You sure this is necessary?” Zoe was a woman who liked her privacy. The last thing Connor wanted to do was intrude where she wasn’t wanted. She continued to dress anyway, starting to feel the need to check on the other woman herself.

“You’re the only one she’ll talk to. The only one who understands.” River looked up at her, the sheet held loosely against her bare chest. “You can help.”

“If she doesn’t shoot me first.” As she made her way to her gun belt, Connor sighed and quickly ran her hands through her hair to give it some semblance of order. She figured she could check on their guest in the galley while she was about. Maybe seeing he was safe and sound would help her rest easy. Too many dreams of New Eden, both good and bad, were keeping her from solid sleep.

“You won’t need that,” River promised her, her eyes drawn to the butt of Sarah’s weapon where it rested against her hip.

“I’m not taking any chances.” Connor fastened the buckle for emphasis.

River hesitated, clearly torn about arguing her point, but she finally relented and nodded. She watched as Sarah came closer, bending at the waist and leaning down to kiss her gently.

“Don’t go anywhere,” Connor teased.

“Not likely,” River admitted. She snuggled down into the warm blankets and gave Sarah an impish smile. “I’m too comfy.”

Connor shook her head. “Brat,” she muttered before spinning on her heel and heading for the ladder.

****

The galley was unusually quiet as Connor descended the steps. She glanced in the corner, finding Jayne sitting in a chair with his feet propped up in another. The scent of alcohol was so pungent it made her nostrils burn.

“Should start charging admission,” Jayne muttered.

Connor paused, not sure what to make of that statement. “He secure?” she asked.

“No. Bribed me with a bottle of Mudders’ milk and he’s wanderin’ about. What do you think?” Jayne snarled.

Eyebrow arched in surprise at Jayne’s wit, Connor wondered if they should keep the mercenary drunk all the time. She drifted over to the hold and peered inside, finding the Operative in a meditative pose. Seeing him still caused a visceral reaction in her guts, but it was tempered now, no doubt because of River’s influence. As she studied him, Connor noted that it was worry over River’s safety that came to mind rather than the desire for revenge.

Tension subtly coiled into his frame as she watched him, and the pilot was certain he detected her presence, but he didn’t look at her or acknowledge her in any way.

“Gonna use that?”

Connor glanced over her shoulder in confusion at Jayne. She followed his line of sight and realized her fingers had unconsciously curled around the butt of her gun. Licking her lips, she reluctantly let her hand fall away but deliberately turned her back on their prisoner. “Not yet,” she answered honestly.

Jayne’s gaze flickered over her bandaged hands before drifting lazily back up to meet her eyes. “Sure got you good and pissed earlier,” he commented casually.

“Their kind is good at that.”

“Reckon so,” he answered, liquid courage making him get to his feet and saunter closer to the pilot. “So I heard a rumor.”

Connor didn’t have to imagine what he was referring to. “That so?” she asked, keeping her tone bland.

“Little something ‘bout you… River… a tub…” Jayne’s eyes narrowed and he smiled slightly. “Cold ship tonight. Do a man a kindness and give him somethin’ warm to think   
about.”

“Jayne.”

Both of them turned to find Mal in the doorway. His tone was less than amused.

“Got lousy timing, Mal,” Jayne sneered.

“Seems to be a trend tonight.” Mal climbed down the steps and gave Connor the once over. “Thought you went back to bed.”

“I did. River kicked me out of it.” Connor crossed her arms, reminded that Mal was somehow to blame for that fact.

“Feel free to share more 'bout the bed stuff,” Jayne interjected as he settled back on his chair.

Mal and Connor ignored him.

“You hog the covers or something?” Mal jabbed.

“She wanted me to check on Zoe,” Connor admitted, guessing that the truth would deflate his lame attempts at humor.

“Just missed her,” Mal said slowly, still puzzled by Zoe’s rapid retreat. He’d been on his way to look for both his second-in-command and Inara when he’d heard Connor and Jayne talking. “River say what was wrong?”

“Said you had something to do with.” Connor’s tone was pointed.

“I didn’t do nothing!” the captain insisted, still miffed that he was somehow to blame for any earlier upset on the bridge. He held up the ring box in front of Connor’s eyes. “The Doc gave this to Kaylee in a gorram paper bag before we left for Nix.”

Connor took the box and snapped it open, surprised by the contents. “It’s an engagement ring,” she remarked.

“Yes. Thank you. I wouldn’t have figured that out on my own,” Mal drawled, his voice dripping sarcasm. He snatched the ring and box back from her. “Kaylee didn’t see it. She dropped it in all the commotion and it rolled under one of the access panels.”

“Simon proposed with a paper bag?” Connor asked, bemused and aghast at the same time. “Clearly I got the more romantic Tam.” She chuckled for a moment until she realized what she’d just admitted and to whom. Clearing her throat, she pointed at the ring. “So… now what?”

“I’m gonna give this back to Simon.”

“It’s Kaylee’s ring,” Connor argued.

“Damn right, it’s Kaylee’s ring. A ring she’s waited her whole life for someone to give to her. Ain’t gonna be in a paper bag.” Mal closed the box and slipped it back in his pocket.

“Who knew Malcolm Reynolds had a soft side?” Connor mused.

Mal’s features faltered, but the moment was fleeting, making Connor wonder if she’d imagined it. She sensed she’d struck a nerve she hadn’t actually intended to. Clearing her throat again, she took a step back. “Anyway. Going to go check on Zoe.”

“Yeah,” Mal said in a subdued voice. “You do that.”

“Inara knows a thing or two about that soft side,” Jayne supplied just as Connor was about to step through the door. She paused, shooting a look of surprise back at Mal.

“Past is past,” Mal informed them, his voice rough. “Got no place in the present.” He met Connor’s gaze squarely. “We’ve rested enough. When you find Zoe, tell her we’re going to New Eden.”

“Thought you wanted her blessing,” Connor reminded him.

Mal hesitated. “I do. Make sure I get it.”

“That an order?”

Jayne watched them both curiously. Whenever Mal and Connor were in the same space he knew he had a shot at seeing a good fight.

Mal didn’t answer. He turned and left the galley, his strides long and determined as he headed back for the bridge.

Connor clenched her jaw and glanced at Jayne. The mercenary didn’t seem concerned as he took another long pull on his mug. Shaking her head, Connor walked away, descending into the depths of the ship.

****

The darkness was a welcome friend. After hearing the hatch to Inara’s shuttle slam shut, Zoe had dimmed the lights in the cargo bay and settled on the bottom set of stairs, listening to the ship hum around her. There was comfort in the sound, in the relative blackness of the familiar space. She was alone, just the way she should be.

The thought caused an unwanted pang in her chest, but Zoe ignored it. Mal had never stopped carrying a torch for Inara, even if he claimed otherwise one too many times to count. Zoe had always known better, but for a short time, she almost forgotten how deep Mal’s feeling had run. The moment on the bridge had reminded her.

Mal was her family. She wouldn’t betray him. Not even for all the coin in the Verse.

Her gaze drifted up toward Inara’s quarters. She could just barely make out the outline of her hatch door. Remembering just how soft the companion’s bed how felt, how sinfully good it smelled, Zoe closed her eyes. Whatever her messed-up mind was trying to sort out about Inara, Zoe sternly told herself that it was nothing more than attraction. Anything else was too complicated and dangerous.

She’d always found the exotic companion beautiful. That was nothing new. They’d been casual acquaintances at best before Wash’s death, but she’d liked Inara’s wit and fire. Zoe had thought her to be an excellent match for Mal, especially since Inara had a talent for putting the man in his place. Her lips quirked at the thought, remembering their constant bickering as well as the heat that had been between them.

Then Miranda changed everything. She’d lost Wash. A short time later, Mal and Inara had yielded to their feelings, perhaps out of grief and the need to feel alive after they’d witnessed so much death. Inara finally became a full member of the crew after living on its fringes for so long. She’d been welcomed with open arms.

They’d slowly gotten to know each other, the captain’s lover and his best friend, now forced to share his time. Resentment could have built between them, but instead, they’d become closer, forging a friendship that had surprised Zoe. They were so different in many ways, but they’d found they were more alike than they had realized.

So when had that friendship become something more? Zoe struggled to pinpoint the moment where her feelings had started to change, wondering if they’d been there on some level longer than she had imagined. She kept coming back to that moment in the galley, when Inara’s hands had gently massaged the tension from her neck. Startled, Zoe realized they’d almost never touched before that, always taking extreme care with the other’s personal space.

Except when Wash died, she amended, recalling the brief, but fierce hug Inara had given her after the funeral. Inara had said nothing, just walked up and embraced her, bestowing a quick, comforting kiss on her cheek. Their eyes had met for a long moment before Inara had offered Zoe a weak smile.

Inara had said nothing else, just demonstrated that she cared before walking away. The companion had also been a mercy in the months that followed, often coming between Kaylee’s attempts to cheer her up and Mal’s good intentions. Inara had sensed what Zoe had needed, and she’d respected that.

Zoe was angry that some part of her had dared to let her feelings for the companion change. She liked what was between them, this easy friendship built on trust and respect. Zoe didn’t want to lose it.

If she hadn’t already.

Clearly the confusing feelings were manifesting on both sides if Inara’s words in the corridor were to be believed. It would take time for things to settle between them, but Zoe was determined that they would. This was just attraction, she reminded herself. She wasn’t in love, not the way she’d been with Wash.

Not yet, some part of her traitorous mind suggested.

“Come here often?”

Zoe jumped a little as Connor’s familiar accent rolled out of the darkness. She’d been so lost in thought she’d let her guard down, and she bristled at the realization. “Figured you’d be bunked down,” she grumbled.

“I was,” the pilot confessed, drifting into a faint pool of light to regard Zoe curiously. “Damn comfortable too.”

Curious in spite of herself, Zoe turned her attention on the other woman. “Then what are you doing down here?”

“Because River seemed to think you needed someone to talk to,” Connor admitted. She rested her hand on the rail and looked down at the second-in-command.

Zoe snorted. “She in my head tonight?” she almost snarled.

Connor shrugged, seemingly unconcerned with Zoe’s foul mood. “She cares about you. Wanted to make sure you were all right. For whatever reason, she thought I needed to be the one to check on you.”

Zoe felt like an ass. She pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to rein in her temper. Connor didn’t deserve her anger, especially when Zoe knew the only person she was mad at was herself. “I came here to be alone,” she sighed.

The pilot moved, settling next to Zoe on the steps. “Too bad.”

Releasing a dry, humorless laugh, Zoe turned her head and glared, barely making out the green in Connor’s eyes. “Look…”

“Zoe,” Connor cut her off. “I’m tired. Been to hell in back the last twenty-four hours. I’d like nothing more than to go back to bed and sleep for a week, but I can see something is on your mind. I don’t leave a fellow soldier in distress so start talking.”

Zoe studied her, suddenly feeling something loosen in her chest as some of the tension bled from her shoulders. She could make out the healing cuts on Connor’s face, reminding her of what the pilot and River had gone through on the surface. “You okay?” she asked slowly, deflecting the conversation away from herself but allowing Connor’s presence for now.

With some of the animosity gone from Zoe’s voice, Connor relaxed a little. “Sore. Bruised. Nothing new.” She studied Zoe, imagining they both looked equally battered. “Hear you fell down a hole.”

“A good time was had by all,” Zoe answered drolly. “It’s a wonder you and I keep breathing… all the messes we get ourselves into.”

Connor smiled faintly. “All the messes Mal gets us into,” she corrected.

Finally, a ghost of a grin formed on Zoe’s lips. “Good point.”

They sat in companionable silence for a moment, just like they had during many a night during the war. Zoe had valued her easy friendship with Connor then, and it felt strange and kind of nice to realize she had it back now. Outside of Mal, Zoe had trusted few people as much as she had the woman sitting next to her.

“The others told me about New Eden,” Zoe finally said, her voice roughening with emotion. “It is true? You were rebuilding the resistance?”

Connor shrugged, feeling guilty for keeping it from the other woman. “Hell if I know what we were building now. I thought so.” She met Zoe’s gaze. “I wanted to find you… to tell you…”

Zoe shook her head. “I understand why you didn’t.”

Drawing in a weary sounding breath, Connor let it out slowly. “Wasn’t even my call,” she confessed.

“It was his.”

Connor didn’t need to ask whom Zoe was referring to. “Yeah. I just didn’t know…” she trailed off, her jaw clenching in frustration.

Zoe couldn’t begin to imagine how the pilot felt so she didn’t even try. “Suppose Mal will take us there.” She wasn’t sure how she felt about that.

“He wanted my permission... and yours.”

“He’s asking?” Zoe wondered with faint surprise.

Connor shrugged again. “Least he can do, I suppose.”

Swallowing, Zoe realized Connor had twice as many reasons to kill the Operative now. Aside from what he represented, he’d twisted something Connor had given her life to protect. “Surprised you haven’t put a bullet in him,” she mused, not even meaning to say the words out loud.

“Mal?” Connor asked dryly. “Me too.”

Zoe nudged her with her elbow, finding herself spirits lifted marginally by Connor’s steady presence.

Connor chuckled but her amusement quickly faded. “He’s just a reminder for me. I can’t imagine…” She looked at Zoe. “I’m sorry about Wash. Wish I could have met him.”

“Me too,” Zoe breathed unsurprised River had filled Connor in. “He would have liked you.”

“He got you to marry him. I’m pretty sure I would have liked him too.”

They were silent again, listening to the lazy spin of Serenity’s engine.

“You think we should go?” Zoe asked.

Connor nodded slowly. “I need some answers. And there are a lot of people there who think what they’re doing is for a good cause. They need to know who’s leading them… what he wants.”

“What does he want?”

“Hell if I know.” Connor’s jaw tightened. “But I’m determined to get some answers, even if that means I have to let him keep breathing a little longer.”

Zoe nodded. “No real choice.” In truth, she felt too tired to decide anything, starting to feel almost numb to the world.

“No real choice,” Connor agreed. She eyed Zoe, trying to puzzle out what else was on the other woman’s mind. “I’m sensing the Operative isn’t the only thing keeping you from your bunk.”

“Can’t say that he is.” Zoe met Connor’s gaze. “I’m just… sorting a few things out in my head.”

Connor could tell she wouldn’t get much more out of her friend tonight. If she was going to learn anything else, the rest would be up to Zoe. She let a much easier silence settle between them, waiting for her to make the next move if she made one at all.

“Does River know?” Zoe finally asked.

“Know what?”

“About…” Zoe hesitated, not wanting to cause the other woman pain.

Understanding dawned, and Connor drew in a slow, painful breath. “About my family? John?” She swallowed. “Yeah. She knows it all.”

“You told her?” Zoe asked with clear surprise.

“Told you once,” Connor reminded her, remembering that bitterly cold night, too much mead, and the first anniversary of John’s death. “Besides… Didn’t really have to tell River anything. She… she has her ways…” A edge of wonder slipped into her tone.

“Thought you said you would never let anyone get that close again,” Zoe murmured, trying not to think about the parallels between them.

“River…” Connor was quiet a moment. “River didn’t leave me much choice.”

Zoe was charmed by the unconscious smile on Connor’s lips, but it made her hurt for what she’d lost, what she was fighting so hard not to feel again.

“I love her,” Connor confessed, feeling Zoe shift in surprise at the admission. “All this time… I was trying to protect myself… not letting anyone too close.” She swallowed roughly. “I realized… my family wouldn’t want that. John wouldn’t want that.” She met Zoe’s gaze, feeling the warmth of tears collecting in her eyes but she didn’t try to hide them, knowing on some level Zoe needed to see her like this. Suddenly she understood why River had sent her. Why she had to be the one to talk to Zoe tonight.

“It’s the Operative’s fault,” Zoe reminded her, her voice turning gruff.

“That Operative took my family,” Connor agreed. “But I let him and the Alliance take more than that. I gave them my name… my life…” She shook her head. “River reminded me that I have the power to take those things back.”

Zoe’s own jaw clenched, her thoughts focused on the memory of Wash’s smile. “I could never love anyone the way I loved Wash,” she said, her tone almost defiant.

Connor titled her head, her curiosity raging by Zoe’s intense reaction. “No,” she said softly. “You won’t. But that doesn’t mean you can’t love someone differently… and just as much.”

Getting to her feet, Zoe moved away from the pilot before turning to face her, barely making out Connor’s outline in the darkness. “You don’t understand…”

“Hell I don’t,” Connor cut Zoe’s budding anger off before getting to her own feet. “I’m the one damn person on this boat who can come close to knowing how you feel.”

Zoe stared at her, aware of her own heart slamming in her chest. She wasn’t sure if she was angry or scared, she only knew she couldn’t talk about this, not with anyone.

“What are you running from tonight, Zoe?” Connor asked bluntly.

Tense silence stretched out between them as they stared at each other.

“Night, Connor,” Zoe murmured, refusing to take the bait. She pivoted on her heel, determined to find another place to brood.

“Call me Sarah,” the pilot called after her unexpectedly, momentarily stopping Zoe in her tracks. Without another word, she turned and walked back up the steps, heading for the bridge.

Zoe watched her go, feeling like a coward and hating it.

****

“What?” Simon snarled as he yanked his door open, scowling at his late night visitor. Mal had been rapping on his door non-stop, even after he’d told the man he was coming.

“Rise and shine, Doc,” Mal greeted cheerily.

“Everything all right?” Simon slipped a shirt over his head. “Please tell me someone killed the Operative.”

Mal’s eyebrows hiked at that. “Wouldn’t need your services if he was dead.”

Simon raked a hand through his hair and yawned. “Then why are you waking me up in the middle of the night?”

“Ain’t the middle of the night. It’s almost dawn.” Mal smirked before slapping the ring box against Simon’s chest with his palm. The doctor coughed and stumbled back a step. “Your girlfriend lost something on the bridge. Maybe if you delivered it in person she might actually get a look at that pretty piece of shiny.”

Simon fumbled for the box, catching it when Mal finally pulled his hand back and let it drop. “She hasn’t seen it?” he asked weakly.

“Things got a little hectic in case you hadn’t noticed.” Mal waited for Simon to meet his eyes. “Best thing that ever happened to you is in the engine room right now. She deserves a man who’ll get down on bended knee and do things right.”

“Mal…” Simon began, feeling compelled to explain. He lapsed into silence when the captain held up his hand.

“I know a good woman’s love can make the bravest man a coward for fear of losing it,” Mal told him with surprising understanding.

The doctor stared at him in shock.

“Kaylee is that kind of woman. And you’re damn lucky to have her.”

“I know,” Simon answered softly.

“Don’t mess this up, Simon. You do right by that girl. If you don’t, I’ll shoot you.” Mal turned and started to walk away. “No paper bags this time!” he ordered over his shoulder.

Simon smiled hesitantly, hoping Mal was joking. “Yes, sir,” he called after him, earning him a backward glance and the barest hint of a grin from the captain.

Slowly, Simon opened the box, staring at the ring. He thought about everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours. How close he’d come to losing River… to losing his own life. Time was short, especially when you served onboard Serenity. Things were changing so fast, the very foundations of what he’d known starting to shift beneath his feet. His sister didn’t need him anymore. A new war was brewing. The alliance had a biological weapon that could ruin them all. Serenity was hurdling toward an uncertain destiny, but Simon knew there was one thing he could count on. One thing that wouldn’t change.

Taking a breath, he turned and closed the door to his quarters, padding barefoot toward the engine room. His hand closed tightly over a soft box with a ring nestled expectantly inside. Maybe something wonderful could still come out of this day, he mused, hoping against hope his courage wouldn’t fail him now.

****

Connor settled in her seat on the bridge and stared out the viewport at the unfamiliar pattern of stars. She was surprised to find herself alone, having expected to discover Mal still lingering about, but she wasn’t disappointed to have the bridge to herself.

Her fingers hovered over the navigational system. She knew the coordinates by heart, had relished entering them on the few occasions she’d been to New Eden. Being trusted with those coordinates had done her weary soul more good than she had realized. Entering the inner circle, being allowed into the heart of the reemerging resistance had kept her going long enough to meet River. And now, for the first time since she’d lost John, Sarah felt whole again, ready to take on whatever the Verse felt like throwing at them next.

There was no sound to alert her, but Connor looked toward the co-pilot’s station, unsurprised to see River settling in.

“Time to go,” River murmured.

“Time to go,” Connor agreed. She entered the coordinates and brought Serenity’s engine on-line. “Should take about three days if we manage to avoid Alliance patrols.”

“It’s everything you remember it being,” River promised her, tapping into Connor’s worries about the place that had given her life a purpose again.

The pilot nodded, praying that River was right. The alternative was too frightening to think about. “We’ll see,” she answered quietly. “We’ll see.”

****


	30. Chapter 30

His heart was thudding so hard that Simon was seeing spots. Shiny and silver, they danced on the edges of his vision, visual proof that he was a nervous wreck. He was breathing too fast, and his whole body was shaking with the fear of rejection, but his feet continued to carry him forward despite all the physical symptoms urging him to turn tail and run back to his quarters.

He found Kaylee sleeping in her hammock, her features relaxed and worry-free. Something about the sight steadied him, and he lowered himself onto one knee as he took her in. He’d always loved to watch Kaylee sleep, loved to see the tiny smiles that would grace her lips even in her dreams. He had never imagined himself with a woman like this, but now that he had come to know Kaylee Frye, he couldn’t imagine himself with anyone else.

Reaching out, Simon let his free hand drift through her tousled hair, feeling Kaylee stir at the touch. Her blue eyes blinked open, and she regarded him drowsily, her smile warming at the sight of him.

“We movin’?” Kaylee asked, her voice groggy. She realized she was swaying slightly, the engine spinning faster than she remembered when she’d drifted off to sleep.

“Think so,” Simon confirmed in a distracted tone. He situated himself awkwardly on bended knee, wincing a little as the metal plating dug into his skin. He knew he could have picked a more romantic setting than the engine room for a proposal, but it seemed right to offer his heart to her at the heart of her ship. He breathed in the smell of engine grease, metal and the clean cotton of Kaylee’s pillow as he tried to find the right words. Licking his lips nervously, Simon looked down at the velvet box in his hand as Kaylee watched him through heavy eyelids.

“You look skittish,” the mechanic murmured, but she didn’t seem worried.

“Maybe a little,” Simon admitted with a faint smile. He took a slow, measured breath to combat his increasing light-headiness. “The captain told me you lost something on the bridge.”

“Oh…” Kaylee sat up so abruptly she nearly swung out of her hammock. Simon grabbed her shoulders, just barely keeping her upright. “Simon… I’m so sorry,” Kaylee babbled. “Things got crazy… and then someone said Reavers… and the Alliance…”

“It’s okay,” Simon soothed with a chuckle, feeling some of the tension drain from his shoulders. “I think… I think I’m kind of glad you lost it.”

“You are?” Kaylee asked with confusion. “But…”

“Just means I can give it to you in person… like I should have done from the beginning.” Hands shaking, Simon lifted the box up for Kaylee to see. Her eyes fastened on it before her gaze shifted back to him.

“You got me a piece of shiny?” she guessed with a happy grin.

“Not just any piece of shiny,” Simon murmured before he opened the box.

Watching her, Simon saw it in Kaylee’s eyes when she realized she wasn’t looking at a just a pretty ring, she was staring at a pledge, a commitment. Kaylee swallowed before her gaze slowly drifted back to meet his. There were tears in her beautiful blue eyes.

“Simon,” she whispered, the name sounding both scared and hopeful.

“Kaywinnit Lee Frye…” Simon took another shallow breath. “You are the most amazing woman I’ve ever met.” He carefully took her hand, slipping the ring onto her finger. “You’re just as beautiful inside as you are outside. I know I’m clumsy at things like this… that you tie up my tongue sometimes… but I love you and want to be with you. Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

“Really?” the mechanic breathed. “You want me for like… ever?”

Simon felt his heart nearly swell to bursting. “And ever,” he added, squeezing the hand in his for emphasis. “So what do you say?” he asked, trying to keep the nerves out of his voice.

“Mrs. Kaylee Tam,” Kaylee tried on for size. Slowly, a radiant smile lit up her whole face. Simon had never seen her look more beautiful.

“Shiny,” Kaylee whispered again before she leaned forward and kissed him.

****

“What’s that smile for?”

River turned her head, drawing in a surprised breath as her gaze touched Sarah’s. The pilot was watching her curiously, a little smile of her own on those lips River could barely stop thinking about. “Just happy,” she admitted, feeling her brother and Kaylee’s joy echoing inside her.

“We’re beat all to hell, have a killer in the hold, the Alliance on our tails, and you’re happy?” Sarah asked.

River could hear the bemusement in Sarah’s voice. She thought about sharing Simon and Kaylee’s news but decided against it. The news was theirs to announce when they were ready. Of course, knowing Kaylee, River figured that wouldn’t take long. “I’ll explain later,” River drawled as she heard the captain’s footfalls on the stairs.

Mal stepped up on the bridge, relieved to see his own crew at the helm. He’d been startled when he’d felt the vibration of the engine coming online, and he’d detoured to the engine room rather than carry out his planned chat with Zoe.

“Going somewhere?” he asked Connor and River, both of whom were more or less ignoring his presence.

“Anywhere but here,” Connor announced. “We’ve been sitting still too long and the Alliance is probably looking for us.”

Mal shifted. “Still,” he sniffed. “I usually make those kinds of decisions.”

Connor glanced at River who merely smiled knowingly.

The captain sighed when he failed to get a rise out of either of them. “So where are we headed?”

“Toward civilization,” Connor told him. “And eventually New Eden.”

Mal’s curiosity perked up. “You got Zoe’s blessing?”

“Not so much her blessing, but she’s not standing in the way.”

“Huh,” Mal said with faint surprise. “Hadn’t told the rest of the crew.”

“You really think you need to?” River asked him.

Mal’s lips tightened into a thin line. He scratched at the stubble forming on his chin as he stared at the viewport, knowing River was right but feeling slightly guilty all the same. “What’s our status?”

“Ship has been shot all to hell,” Connor informed him bluntly. “Don’t think we should risk a full burn until we know the extent of the damage.”

“Then we need to find someplace out of the way to patch up her hurts.” Mal leaned over Connor’s shoulder and began to scan a screen for options. The pilot’s jaw bunched at his proximity, but she said nothing.

“Londinium is close,” Mal mused. “Your old stomping grounds, right?”

River turned her head and looked at the pilot with open curiosity. Sarah had shared some of the most intimate details of her life with her, but they hadn’t talked much about where either of them had come from. From the fiery glint that entered Sarah’s eyes, River was pretty certain that was information that would remain a mystery for a while longer.

“There are fresh warrants out for this ship and her crew. You really want to deal with Orbital Security?” Connor tipped her head back and met Mal’s gaze at close range.

Mal hesitated at both the idea and the look in his pilot’s eyes. “Perhaps not.” He moved past her again, studying the data on her screens.

“Atoll City on Beaumonde is an option,” River suggested.

The pilot nodded. “I’ve got connections. Could probably get us in there under the radar.” She mapped the coordinates into the navigational computer. “Five days at this speed.”

Mal shook his head. “Had a scuffle the last time we were there.”

“Is there any place you haven’t had a scuffle?” Connor asked the captain, a faint trace of derision in her voice.

Mal stood and hooked his thumbs in his gun belt. “Ain’t been to New Eden yet,” he reminded her.

Connor didn’t want to think about it. “Persephone is six days away,” she offered.

Mal nodded slowly. “Wayfare could work.”

“Are you insane? Wayfare Docks is teaming with gangs.” River watched as Sarah wrapped hands fisted around her armrests. She winced at the thread of concern and anger that washed through her lover.

“But not Alliance,” Mal pointed out. “Gangs we can handle.”

“Sometimes I think you’re trying to get us all killed,” Connor spat but she entered the coordinates, knowing there was no point in arguing.

“Only those of you I don’t like,” Mal replied cheekily before winking at River and leaving the bridge.

****

“Of all the stupid… stubborn… idiotic…” The stream of adjectives continued as Inara paced the confines of her shuttle. She didn’t know whether to scream in frustration or hit something. Both options seemed equally as appealing.

She settled for grabbing a pillow and hurtling across her bed. While the act of throwing something made her feel marginally better, the fact that it was something soft and fluffy took some of the satisfaction out of it.

“Gorram soldiers and their sense of gorram pride.” She flopped down on the mattress, feeling useless and hating it. A part of her wanted to seek Zoe out again, to shake the other woman until some sense came to the surface. The rest of her never wanted to see Zoe again. Her own pride was wounded, and Inara was smart enough to know that Zoe had meant what she’d said. Zoe was loyal to Mal to a fault, and so long as the captain had even the remotest inkling of feelings for her, Zoe would give her a wide berth.

To think she’d once thought that kind of nobility was an attractive trait.

Sighing, Inara stared at her ceiling, mulling over her situation and the unexpected change in her relationship with the second-in-command. It had snuck up on her over time, evolving from a deep-rooted respect for the other woman into something sweeter and more intense.

Inara had always thought Zoe was striking. There was something almost regal about her, about the way she carried herself, but Inara had never entertained the thought of a relationship. Zoe had been married and happily so, and Inara hadn’t given her a second thought once she’d known. Mal had been there with his rakish charm and caustic wit and she’d fallen for him hard. The more he’d exasperated her the more she’d wanted him.

But now everything was different.

The three of them orbited each other, all caught in a pattern none had ever thought to change. Inara wished she could have continued that way. She wished she would have remained oblivious to her growing feelings, but now they were out in the open. Worse, they had been thrown back in her face, Zoe deciding Mal mattered more. Inara partly understood, knowing the two were thick as thieves. Whatever was happening between herself and Zoe was new and unsure. Inara suspected Zoe didn’t even want it, didn’t want to open herself up to the kind of pain she’d felt when she’d lost Wash. She could have handled all of this if that had been the only reason, but that Zoe had put Mal first stuck in her craw.

Why did Mal have to screw everything up even when he wasn’t trying?

A thought struck her and Inara went still. Was Zoe right? Did Mal actually still have feelings for her, or was Zoe projecting, doing her best to protect her wounded heart? Either way, Inara knew she needed to convince the other woman that there was nothing between her and Mal but memories. And if Mal still cared for her the way Zoe thought…

Then she needed to put an end to that too, Inara realized, feeling a pang of regret at the thought. She and Mal didn’t work. She knew that and so did he. They’d learn that lesson the hard way. But Mal had never let the truth of a situation dissuade him. Not when it was something he wanted.

So she would have to make sure Mal didn’t want her, Inara decided with a sigh. She glanced at the hatch to her shuttle, longing to seek out Kaylee and ask for her advice, but something kept her where she was.

Feeling petulant, Inara curled up on her bed, deciding company was the last thing she needed right now. She didn’t feel ready for another round with Zoe, and she wasn’t prepared with a plan for handling Mal. It was best to keep to herself, to shore up her wounded pride.

Inara vowed to stay in her shuttle until they got to whatever destination Mal was hauling them to next. Taking a break from the crew of Serenity was exactly what she needed.

****

The journey had taken longer than expected.

Serenity almost seemed to be protesting her recent abuse by plaguing the tired and skittish crew with system failure after system failure. They’d arrived on Wayfare in nine days rather than the projected six, barely landing under the radar. The warrants for their arrests were being broadcast over the cortex nearly every hour now, and they all could feel the targets on their backs.

The cargo bay door descended, revealing the inside of a rusted hanger to the crew’s eyes. Zoe was the first down the ramp, her weapon at the ready. Jayne soon followed as River, Sarah, and Mal watched, all of them half expecting the Alliance to invade the space at any moment.

Finally satisfied that they were secure, Zoe turned and holstered her weapon. She gave a sharp nod to her captain before opening the outer door and peering out onto a rainy street. No one gave the hanger a second glance, completely unconcerned with whatever or whomever was inside.

Sarah descended the ramp, a weapon on each hip. River watched her, fascinated by the familiarity she seemed to have with this place. The pilot went to a small terminal near the door and coded them in, entering the necessary clearance and credits into the system.

When the light went from red to a sickly green on the monitors, River felt Mal relax for the first time in two days. “Told you,” she said.

Mal smirked in reaction. “Pays to be paranoid when folks is trying to kill you, little albatross.” He sighed. “Sad state of affairs when a man is forced to take shelter in a place like this.”

“Shelter is shelter,” River reminded him before stepping away, moving down the ramp in her boots to join Sarah as the pilot prowled the space. “Everything all right?”

Sarah glanced up from a drawer full of tools as the rain drummed on the roof. “Got what we need. Guess that’ll have to do.”

Mal watched them curiously, struck by how well the pair just seemed to fit. He gestured at Zoe as she came up the ramp. “Never thought I’d see this side of Connor.”

Zoe followed his line of sight, frowning a little at River and Connor’s easy companionship. The younger woman was laughing at something the pilot had grumbled, and Connor seemed enchanted by the sound. Zoe looked away, but she found her gaze landing on Inara as the companion emerged from her shuttle. Her breath caught in surprise, and an undeniable heat swept through her at the sight of the other woman.

“Look who has decided to grace us with her presence,” Mal muttered.

Inara barely gave either of them a second glance as she reach the end of the stairs and stepped into the cargo bay. She’d chosen one of her most revealing and enticing dresses to wear as she emerged from her self-imposed isolation, and she could feel Zoe and Mal’s eyes on her as she moved toward River and Connor.

Even Connor’s eyebrows shot skyward as she spied the approaching companion, a vision in blue and bared skin. Inara felt a pleased smirk form on her lips. “Where are we?” she asked them.

River was staring at her, marveling at the expanse of skin that Inara normally kept hidden from everyone but her clients. “Wayfare Docks,” she murmured, tilting her head in curiosity to see if she could see more of the companion’s breast, the dress revealing the barest hint of it from the side.

Inara was used to the younger woman’s attention and ignored her. “Wayfare,” she repeated. “I thought we were going to New Eden.”

“Didn’t you feel us limping along?” Connor muttered, looking down to focus her attention on the toolbox rather than the expanse of cleavage on display. “Got some patching up to do.”

“Wayfare is crawling with gangs,” the companion snapped.

“Wasn’t my call.” Connor glanced up, her gaze landing on Mal before darting to Zoe. She paused when she saw the way the second-in-command was staring at Inara. Zoe’s jaw was clenched, but her eyes were drinking the other woman in. Her gaze shifted back to the companion, suddenly seeing her in a different light.

Inara sighed. “I need some supplies,” she admitted. She glanced at the rain sheeting down outside the door. “I suppose I should change.”

River leaned back, discovering Inara’s entire back was exposed. Her eyes drank in the expanse of silky skin. “Aren’t you cold?” she asked innocently.

The companion gave them a tight smile even as she felt gooseflesh rise on her arms. She’d worn her best to impress Zoe, to make her regret her choices, but now she was starting to feel foolish. At least Kaylee was mercifully absent. As happy as Inara was for her friend, Kaylee’s enthusiasm over her engagement was tough to swallow under the current circumstances. “I assumed we were going somewhere warmer,” she replied, but she could see a tiny hint of understanding in Connor’s gaze. It only made her feel sillier than she already did. “Excuse me.”

“I would be cold,” River murmured as she walked away.

Connor watched as Inara drew even with Zoe, the two women staring at each other for a long, tense moment. It looked like Zoe was going to say something but instead she gave ground and stepped aside, allowing Inara to pass.

Mal watched the exchange as well, baffled by their behavior. His gaze strayed to Inara’s bare back, mesmerized by the play of skin and muscle as she moved away. “What was that about?” he asked in a distracted tone.

Zoe wanted to punch him. She felt her hands actually fist as she shook her head, angry with herself and angry at Inara for the little display she’d just put on. She didn’t like to be manipulated and liked it even less when she fell for it.

A flushing sound filled the space and Jayne reappeared as he hiked up his zipper. “Head works,” he announced.

“What more can a man ask for?” Mal declared, trying to get a smile out of Zoe but failing. He frowned.

“We need supplies,” Zoe announced. “Fresh food. Parts.”

“That is why we landed,” Mal muttered.

“Who is going to go get them? Our faces are all over the cortex.” Zoe put her hands on her hips and waited for him to come up with a brilliant idea.

Mal opened his mouth and then closed it before looking at Connor. A moment later, the others did as well.

The pilot rolled her eyes.

****

Sarah wanted to give time a swift kick in the ass. It was moving too slowly, the seconds dragging by until they could leave the Wayfare Docks behind. Kaylee had promised that one more day was all they would need, but they’d been there almost a week now. The pilot wanted to get away from the gangs and mercenaries that swarmed the taverns and scrap yards. If any single person realized Malcolm Reynolds and his crew were grounded in the hanger on the outskirts of town, Sarah knew they were humped. She just wanted to keep River safe, and it was becoming increasingly harder to do that the longer they lingered.

The former Operative had remained in the hold, passing his time by meditating. Mal had ordered Zoe and Connor to give the man a wide berth, and they’d obeyed, but it meant the others had to pick up more shifts to keep an eye on him. They were all exhausted and jumpy, sensing the proverbial other shoe was about to drop. No one went anywhere without a sidearm, even the doctor. Even now, Connor wore one on each hip, and a pair of throwing knives were tucked into her boots.

The streets around her smelled like trash and other scents Sarah didn’t want to examine too closely. Metal walls closed in on her as she made her way through the throng of people, doing her best not to get mugged or to punch someone in a fit of pique. She was itching to get away from all the people and back into the black, fed up with the noise, the smell, and the constant paranoia that she was going to get a knife in the gut.

She turned at the next right, crashing into a woman who barely had on enough clothes to be considered legally attired. Hands ghosted intimately over her, and Sarah pushed the woman away, wincing in disgust as the scent of drugs wafted out of the stranger’s pores. She was covered in tattoos and the pilot recognized the gang symbols when she saw them.

Walking away as the scantily clad woman shouted Chinese obscenities at her, Sarah kept her head down and blended back into the crowd. They already had enough trouble. No use looking for more.

Shifting the bag she carried to her other shoulder, the pilot picked up her pace as she left the crowds behind her. It wasn’t smart to walk this area alone, but she was armed and she had little choice. Her face was still unknown to most so she could blend into the crowds with ease. As far as the locals were concerned, she was just another pilot on a routine run.

Feeling like she’d been living right, Sarah made it back to Serenity’s hanger unscathed, ducking through the door and sealing it tight behind her. She navigated the halls with practiced ease, rounding the corner and taking a moment to simply look at the small firefly in all her glory.

Serenity wasn’t much to look at, Sarah had to admit, but the ship was hers and that made her mighty.

“You’re back,” Kaylee greeted easily when she spotted her. “You find it?”

Sarah handed the mechanic the sack she’d been carrying, waiting for Kaylee to inspect the contents. When the other woman gave her a smile and a wink before scampering off, Sarah knew she’d done well.

“Where’s Mal?” Sarah called after her, taking a moment to bask in the joy practically radiating off the mechanic. Simon had taken the roundabout way to doing the right thing, but he’d done it, and Sarah was happy for the younger woman. Kaylee pointed upward, never even breaking stride.

Sarah tipped her head back in time to spy the captain kneeling on top of the ship. She saw a flash of sparks and heard Mal’s colorful curse boom through the hanger, and she shook her head. At this rate, she was sure they’d be here for another week easy, and that was simply a bad idea.

Climbing up the scaffolding, Sarah made her way out onto the ship. She could see Mal welding something back into place as she approached, probably a new panel to replace one the Alliance had strafed. She hooked her thumbs on her gun belt and watched him for a moment.

Feeling eyes on the back of his neck, Mal finally turned and found the pilot waiting expectantly. “Made it back in one piece, I see,” he greeted, lifting a pair of goggles off his face.

“Luck is going to run out if we stay here much longer.”

Mal sighed, not bothering to argue or make light of their situation. “Not much choice. Can’t make it to New Eden in the shape we’re in.”

“Tired of playing pack mule,” the pilot muttered. It was unnerving to pass so many wanted posters with River’s face on them, and she’d had to struggle against the urge to rip more than one of them down. “Gang activity is increasing,” she warned him. “We may need to get out of here whether Serenity can get us to New Eden or not.”

The captain nodded. “Told Kaylee we need to be ready to make orbit on a moment’s notice. No taking the engine offline. She figures another day and we can get off this rock and back on course.”

Sarah nodded once, finding that acceptable. They stared at each other a moment.

“Something else on your mind?” Mal guessed.

“You know what else is on my mind.”

Mal looked down, watching as Zoe came down the ship’s ramp with some tools for the mechanic. Kaylee was a bouncing ball of excitement, the new ring she was sporting sparkling vividly as she gestured animatedly at the older woman. Zoe was far more subdued, and Mal felt another prick of concern for her. Zoe just hadn’t been the same since the accident on Nix.

“Kaylee’s a bundle of happy, ain’t she?” Mal asked, avoiding the topic at hand. He smiled a little, remembering how the mechanic had launched herself into his arms after Simon’s proposal. She’d been floating on cloud nine, and Mal had felt like a bastard for shattering that by telling her their plans.

“Mal,” Sarah sighed. “What the hell are we supposed to do with the Operative? We can’t just keep him locked up in the hold.”

“Have this long,” Mal muttered before looking back at her.

“He’s going to find a way out. It’s just a matter of time.”

“If there was a way out, he’d have found it by now.” Mal knelt once more, picking up the torch he’d been using.

“And what happens when he gets to New Eden? He’s in charge. You march him out of Serenity in cuffs, and you’re likely to get a bullet in the brain.”

“So don’t expect a warm welcome, huh?” Mal looked up at the pilot, noticing River’s face peering down at them both from the skylight above. He wondered if the pilot had figured out that the younger woman had been shadowing her trips to and from the market.

“I should make contact with Brandon. He brought me in the first time. Having some backup wouldn’t hurt.”

Mal considered the plan and finally nodded once. “See if he’s about. If he’s close, bring him here. Don’t tell him you’re with us, though.”

“Why?” Sarah wondered.

“Want that to be a surprise,” Mal told her with a quick flash of a grin before igniting the torch and getting back to work.

Sarah considered pressing for more information before deciding it wasn’t worth it. Her quarters awaited and so did a much-needed nap.

****

Sarah sighed as she took in her empty bed before stripping off her boots, wiggling her aching toes a little before moving toward her sink.

“She put her hands on you.”

She jumped slightly, startled to hear River’s voice materialize behind her. “What?” she asked, distracted by River’s windswept hair and the slight tint of red on the woman’s cheeks. She frowned. “Have you been outside? You know you’re not…”

“That woman. She put her hands on you,” River repeated, ignoring Sarah’s protest.

“Saw that, did you?” Sarah chuckled. She had suspected River was following her and now she had her proof. “Trust me. I didn’t enjoy it.” She ran a washcloth under the faucet before using it to wipe the back of her neck. Something about the Wayfare Docks had always made her feel dirty and this time was no exception.

“I don’t like other people touching you like that.”

Sarah finally heard the tone of anger and jealousy in River’s voice and she turned to look at the other woman with a hint of a knowing smile. Reaching out, she wrapped her hand behind River’s neck and drew the other woman closer for a slow, thorough kiss. “Next time you can defend my honor,” the pilot teased when they separated.

River didn’t bother to tell her that Sarah’s honor had already been defended. The other woman would wake up with a vicious hangover and a black eye. She plucked at one of the ties on Sarah’s shirt. “We’re running out of time here,” she told her.

“Getting a vibe, huh?” Sarah asked, not pleased to have her own concerns confirmed.

River nodded. “Heard things, too. People here don’t look up. They don’t see me.”

Sarah ran a hand through River’s hair before cupping her cheek. “That’s because you have ninja skills.”

That got a genuine grin out of the younger woman and Connor smiled in reaction to it. “Plus, you keep your eyes on the people around you here if you don’t want to lose your property or your life.”

“You move through them like someone who knows how,” River shared her observation.

The pilot shrugged as she moved away. “Had to make more than my share of runs out here. Been to some of the nicest docks and some of the nastiest.”

River followed, sliding her hands around Sarah’s waist and pulling her back against her hard and tight. Sarah shot her a quizzical look over her shoulder, but the small smile River was so fond of was gracing the pilot’s lips. “I’ve missed you,” River explained.

“Missed you too,” Sarah replied, her tone softening. “Sorry you’re getting my shifts with that bastard. I might as well watch him for all the sleep I’m getting when you’re up there.”

River shrugged before burying her face in Sarah’s shoulder, breathing in the scent of her hair and skin. “He doesn’t want to get out. He’s not a threat.”

Sarah turned in the younger woman’s arms. “He almost killed you on Nix.”

“He was defending himself from me,” River admitted honestly.

Brows scrunching in confusion, Sarah regarded her dubiously. “You’re defending him.” It was a statement, not a question.

River shook her head. “Just stating a fact. We’re taking him where he wants to go. He has no reason to get loose.”

“What about you?” Sarah wondered.

“Me?”

“River,” the pilot said with exasperation, “he hunted you across the known ‘Verse, killed friends of yours to get you. You really think…”

“I really think,” River cut her off. “If he’d wanted me dead, I’d have been dead years ago. He had the chance then.”

The thought was modest comfort but Sarah clung to it. “I don’t trust him,” she added sullenly.

“Nor should you. He’s a man who finds a way to get what he wants. Right now, he’s satisfied with his current arrangement.”

“In our brig,” Sarah reminded her.

“I imagine he’s been in worse.”

Sighing, Sarah shrugged off her coat and tossed it onto the bed. “Hell with it,” she grumbled. “Got bigger worries than him anyway.” She settled on the edge, looking up at River’s lean frame. The younger woman was watching her curiously, and Sarah tiredly took her in, marveling once more that this beautiful woman cared for her. “Wayfare might be familiar to me,” she murmured, returning to their original topic of conversation, “but I’d just as soon get you off this rock.”

“I can take care of myself,” River promised her.

“So I’ve seen. Just don’t want you to have to.” Sarah gave her a sleepy smile as River watched.

“You should rest,” River said after a moment of savoring that smile and the effect it had on her body. Reluctantly she moved toward the ladder, her hand curling around one of the cold metal rungs.

“I know you can take care of yourself,” Sarah repeated before River started to climb. “But you’ve had to do that enough lately… taking care of yourself… of me… of everyone.”

River stared at her, hearing her out.

Sarah swallowed. “I don’t want that for you, River.”

“I know,” River said seriously. After a moment, she slowly smiled. “But we’ll be gone soon, and when we get to New Eden you can take me dancing.”

Sarah had her doubts about what awaited them, but she set them aside for now. “Looking forward to it,” she confessed and meant it.

River let go of the rung and drifted closer, dipping her head and kissing Sarah gently. They parted slowly, and River took the chance to stare into cherished green eyes that met her gaze squarely, hiding nothing. “It’ll happen,” River promised, sensing the pilot’s concerns.

Nodding, Sarah sighed. “Just expect the worst anymore.”

River frowned, a flicker of something skating across her awareness before disappearing into the recesses of her mind. The sensation left her uneasy, but she couldn’t explain why. When she smiled again, it was forced. “Get some sleep,” she ordered, turning on her heel and heading for the ladder.

“Need to contact Brandon,” Sarah argued, confused by River’s sudden shift in mood.

“I’ll do it,” River told her before scampering up the ladder, leaving Sarah behind to her dreams.

****


	31. Chapter 31

The Endurance was quiet as it lingered in its patch of black. Most of the ship’s lights had been powered down in deference to the late hour, and her crew of eight slept soundly to the sound of her purring engine. The pilot had retired to his bunk hours ago, leaving the captain the only soul to prowl her halls, and Brandon Raggley did just that.

He paced his ship, giving her the once over in an effort to ease his troubled mind. There had been no word from Serenity since Mal had charged off to find what secrets Nix was hiding. Word was starting to filter in from the edges of the known ‘Verse about the prison colony’s fate, and Brandon was beginning to suspect Mal and his crew had shared in it. Guilt was not a luxury he let himself feel. He carried enough it from the war and refused to take on any more, but Mal was a friend, a browncoat. Whether he wanted it or not, Brandon could feel guilt curdling in his stomach.

Zoe. Kaylee. River…

The captain swallowed, unsettled by the thought he might have delivered the message that sent such brave women to their deaths. It didn’t sit right with him, any more than sitting still and waiting for orders did.

Reaching the bridge, he settled in the pilot’s chair. Memories of Connor came to mind and he lowered his gaze from the viewport to his hands. When they’d begun to build New Eden, he’d known that eventually there would be death, but the venture had felt so fresh and true that he’d almost forgotten the planet’s purpose. Now his commander had gone silent as well, and Brandon was beginning to wonder if everything he knew was going straight to hell. 

He hadn’t liked deceiving Mal, but his commander had insisted it was the only way. Brandon reached up and fingered the small cross he let hang from the chain around his neck. It had been a long time since he’d prayed. The cross was no longer a symbol of his faith but rather a memento. It was the only thing he’d emerged from Serenity Valley with, that and his gun. Both carried the memories of the fallen but only one gave him the illusion of protection. The temptation to reach out, to see if his prayers would fall once again on deaf ears or be heard for a change had his hand fisting around the metal.

One more day, Brandon promised himself. He may have lost his faith in a higher power but he hadn’t lost it in Malcolm Reynolds or his crew. The Endurance would wait for word for one more day before heading back to New Eden. His crew was restless, but Brandon knew he owed Mal and his commander that much.

A soft beep drew his gaze back up and he looked at the monitor, feeling his heart leap with hope as he saw the signal source.

“Knew you was too stubborn to die,” Brandon murmured with a trace of a grin.

****

“Nara?” 

Inara lifted her head, startled to realize she’d drifted off into her own thoughts as Kaylee chatted aimlessly about her engagement. The mechanic’s ring sparkled even in the low light of the galley, and Inara managed a meager smile for her best friend. “I’m sorry,” she murmured. “A lot on my mind, I suppose.”

“Need to talk about it?” Kaylee offered gently.

The companion stared at her, realizing that Kaylee had been waiting for such an opening, probably since they landed. The other woman had always read her so well, and Inara was certain her behavior as of late had Kaylee wondering. The temptation to explain, to share her jumbled up feelings for Zoe, made Inara pause, but something held her tongue. She was still struggling to fully understand what she felt for the other woman, and Zoe’s refusal to even explore the territory that was changing between them only made it worse. Sighing, Inara reached across the table and laced her fingers with Kaylee’s. “Not yet. Maybe soon.”

“You just seem so sad is all.” Kaylee didn’t bother to mention the dark circles beginning to form beneath Inara’s pretty eyes. “Hate seeing such a beautiful face look so lost.”

Inara felt her smile strengthen. Kaylee’s compliments were always easy and sincere, and they did wonders for her self-esteem when she was feeling low. “I’m…” She hesitated, not sure what she should say, but feeling oddly compelled to at least share something with her best friend. To keep everything from Kaylee felt too much like a lie. “Zoe and I had a difference in opinion. I’m not sure how to fix it.”

“You and Zoe?” Kaylee sounded surprised. She leaned back, her chair creaking as she cast a quick look at the door to the hold. She knew the Operative was in there, but he was being quiet as a mouse. Her brow crinkled. “Can’t recall a time you two ever quarreled.”

“We’re not exactly quarreling. We just don’t see eye to eye about something… Something I think we both want.” Inara felt strangely breathless with the admission.

Kaylee shrugged. “Should just set her down for a talk. Zoe don’t like beatin’ around the bush.”

“Would that I could, Kaylee. She’s avoiding me.”

“Zoe?” Kaylee scowled good-naturally at her. “That would mean Zoe is afraid, and Zoe ain’t afraid of much.”

A bang from overhead had them both looking skyward. Inara frowned, realizing the topic of conversation was likely above their heads doing repair work on the hull. “I know,” she said in a softer voice. “That’s what makes this so hard. I know she’s afraid.”

“Nara,” Kaylee said again, her tone inquisitive. “What’s going on?”

Shaking her head, Inara got to her feet. “I need to finish up a few chores, then I think I’m going to retire early. It’s been a long day.”

Kaylee stood as well, sensing her friend was fleeing from their conversation. “You know you can tell me anythin’…”

Inara paused, drinking in Kaylee’s pretty, open features. She leaned across the small table and kissed her gently on the cheek. “I know, mei-mei. And sometime soon I will. I promise.”

Kaylee didn’t look happy as the companion walked away, but she let Inara go. Sinking back into her seat, she adjusted the foreign-feeling weapon on her hip and eyed the hold door again. After a moment, she intentionally looked away, letting her thoughts turn back to her best friend as she tried to puzzle out what had Inara so sad.

****

Zoe ripped off her goggles, tired of them cutting into her skin and making her sweat. They clattered across the surface of the hull as she sat back on her haunches, listening to the sound of another rainstorm pounding on the tin roof above. Thunder rumbled in the distance, and the sound brought back a rush of unwelcome memories. She’d spent most of her life in the black, and storms like the one outside were rare in her experience. They’d been frequent enough in Serenity Valley, however, and for years she couldn’t hear a gentle rainstorm without her thoughts drifting back to that bitter defeat.

When Wash had been alive, he’d loved the sound of the rain. It always put him in an affectionate mood, and Zoe had begun to warm to the sound herself until his death. Now it was just another reminder of his loss, another reminder that she was alone. For her, the sound of rain had become synonymous with death, and Zoe had dealt with far too much of that lately for her liking.

Slamming the torch back into the tool crate, Zoe closed her eyes, trying to steady her mind and fraying nerves. The temptation to seek Inara out and attempt to settle things between them had been weighing on her, but for the first time in more than a decade, Zoe doubted her own courage. Distance seemed the best option for now, even if it made her feel like a coward and a fool all in one. 

“Wanna talk about it?”

Zoe blinked and her breath caught as she lifted her head and found Mal a few feet away watching her. She’d thrown herself into Serenity’s repairs since they’d landed, keeping to herself as much as she was able. She had known Mal would seek her out eventually, that he would know something was wrong, but the arrival of the moment still caught her unawares. “Ain’t nothing to talk about, sir.” 

Mal hooked his thumbs on his gun belt and continued to observe her. He had on his long, brown coat, and Zoe felt her thoughts unwittingly yanked back to Serenity Valley once more. She looked away. “You ever gonna get a new one of those?” she muttered. 

The captain hesitated before glancing down at himself, obviously wondering what Zoe was referring to. Another murmur of thunder reached their ears, and Zoe missed the flicker of understanding that crossed his features. “Fits nice. Makes me look rakish and dashing.” He struck a pose for emphasis, but he didn’t even get a weary smile in return.

“If you say so, sir.” Zoe got to her feet, feeling the muscles in her legs protest after being in the same position for so long.

“What’s going on with you?” Mal clearly sensed he needed to simply come out and ask. “You ain’t been the same since Nix. You knock that clever head of yours harder than the Doc thinks?”

“Can’t say any of us have been the same since Nix,” Zoe responded drolly. “Seeing that much death ain’t something you just shake off.”

“True,” Mal allowed as he watched Zoe gather the rest of her tools as the rain continued to drum above them. The surface of the hull gleamed where she’d polished as she went.

“Do I?” 

“Zoe,” Mal said, his voice dipping and warming on her name. “This is me you’re talking to. You can’t confess your burdens to me then who you gonna talk to?”

The truth of that made Zoe’s throat tighten. “I’m fine, sir. Just damn tired. And it don’t do my soul much good to have that bastard onboard.” The half-truth still felt like a lie, and Zoe had to look down at her boots. As much as she wanted the Operative gone, he wasn’t weighing as heavily on her mind as she thought he should be. 

Mal watched her but she wouldn’t meet his gaze. With a shrug, the captain slid his pistol out of its holster and handed it to his second-in-command, butt first.

Zoe’s gaze went from the gun to the cool calm she could see reflected in Mal’s eyes. “You asking me to put you out of your misery?” 

“I’m offering to put you out of yours.” Mal refused to take the bait. “You need to put a hole in him? I won’t stand in your way.”

Zoe looked at the gun again. She itched to take it, to accept Mal’s offer. She’d barely slept since the Operative had come aboard, and the thought of getting revenge for Wash had her fingers twitching. “Thought we needed him.”

“We do,” Mal answered bluntly. “But I need you more.”

Zoe looked away. “You’d have me kill him and risk ruining your shot at another war?”

“That what you think I want? More war?” An edge entered Mal’s tone.

“Seems like you’re always trying to start one, sir.” Zoe moved away, finishing up with the rest of her tools and locking them away.

Mal stared at his gun before twirling it and sliding it back into its holster. “No man with a working mind wants more war,” he murmured. “But do I want the ‘Verse free of the Alliance? You bet I do. Thought we both did.”

“Tired of fighting, sir.” Zoe watched his jaw tighten at her admission. “Seems like all we do.”

The captain sighed and Zoe knew she was frustrating him. No one read her better, and she knew his mind would be spinning as he tried to sort out her moods and behavior as of late. As hard as he would try, however, Zoe was certain his mind would never go to the place it needed to. 

“I told the crew New Eden was their stopping off point if they wanted no part in this.” Mal swallowed, meeting Zoe’s gaze squarely when it snapped to his. “That goes for you, too.”

They both looked surprised and saddened by what he was suggesting. History floated between them, both good and bad, and Zoe felt like he couldn’t have wounded her more if he’d taken his gun back out and shot her with it.

“Mal.” His first name felt almost foreign on Zoe’s lips. “You honestly think I won’t have your back?”

“You’d follow me into hell.” Mal sounded certain as the storm grew closer. “Done that a few times already,” he added after a moment, “but I don’t want to take you anywhere you don’t want to go.” He had to look away. “Think about it,” he said, his voice gruff.

Zoe watched him go, wondering how he’d managed to make her mad and still love him even more at the same time.

****

He could hear muffled voices through the metal, their tones an odd contrast of joy and distraction. The former Operative leaned his back against the door and closed his eyes, trying to imagine what they were talking about. He knew enough of the crew to identify Kaylee and Inara, and he suspected it was Zoe stomping around above him. The women of Serenity were a complex and fascinating bunch, and Sarah Connor’s induction into the crew only made that truth more so.

Their presence explained Mal’s survival. While the captain was charming and clever in his own simple way, he knew it was the women of Serenity who kept her in the air. Mal relied on them to be everything from his conscience to his mechanic, often putting the ship or his thoughts back into order.

The former Operative heard the scrape of a chair and then all was quiet again. It was Kaylee’s watch, so he suspected Inara had departed. Above him, something dragged over the hull and his features flinched at the volume of the sound. Serenity was never fully still, never fully silent. He found he missed his tranquil house on New Eden and wondered when he allowed himself to become attached to something. His whole life he’d been a nomad. Missions left no time for leisurely pursuits or close ties, and yet he was longing for…

“Home.” The word slipped out, surprising him when he realized he had come to see the planet of his own making in such a way. It was dangerous, he acknowledged, to become invested, and yet the realization also felt like progress.

A light tap on the glass above him drew him out of his thoughts.

“Still breathin’ in there?” Kaylee’s voice was muffled, but her words clear and curious.

The former Operative smiled. “Still breathing.” Kaylee was the only one that ever spoke to him. He knew he frightened her, but she still treated him like he was a man and not a prisoner. The ‘Verse rarely produced such individuals of Kaylee’s character anymore. “Thank you for asking.”

She started to move away, and he found that he wasn’t ready to be alone with his thoughts again just yet. “Kaylee?” he called out, feeling strangely guilty for using her name so casually.

Kaylee went still by the door, swallowing nervously before shuffling closer. “Yeah?”

“Where are we?” He was genuinely curious. They should have made it to New Eden days ago by his calculations. The captain must have stopped somewhere to make repairs given the almost constant commotion on the hull.

“Wayfare Docks.” Kaylee seemed to see no risk in admitting the truth. “We got strafed pretty bad in that run-in with the cruisers. Cap’n wants to make sure nothin’ is gonna fly off.”

“Sound reasoning,” the former Operative murmured, “although his choice of destinations is lacking.” He thought about the gang activity and the number of undercover Alliance officers that teamed throughout the city. The planet dealt with uprisings against Parliament on an almost weekly basis. It was a powder keg, and their presence there could blow things all to hell. “This is no place for Serenity to linger.”

“Don’t got much choice. Hope to be out and gone in a day or so.”

Something vibrated beneath the skin of his right forearm. He turned his hand over and rolled up his sleeve, staring down at the skin that seemed to pulse in time with the beats of his heart. A small device, nestled just beneath the surface, blinked up at him. 

He stared at it, feeling his heart rate unexpectedly increase in tempo as adrenaline flushed through him. “You might want to do your best to move up that time table.” 

“Why?” Kaylee’s voice sounded weak and afraid.

“I believe Serenity will soon be receiving some unwanted guests.”

**** 

Brandon was coming.

Like Mal and Zoe, Brandon was a browncoat through and through, and Mal trusted him more than most. The captain of the Endurance always sought River out when their paths crossed and genuinely seeming to like her company. He’d never given her a cause to doubt or dislike him, but River couldn’t stop her feeling of unease at the thought of his pending arrival.

River knew she didn’t have to be a genius to know why.

One look at him on Serenity’s screens and she’d sensed his feelings for Sarah. Her Sarah. Ever since they’d terminated their transmission, River had stewed over that fact, not really sure what to do with the knowledge. Jealously was a relatively new emotion for her, and River didn’t much care for it. She was confused and damn right homicidal. “Not a good combination,” she grumbled under her breath.

River wanted to go back to Sarah’s quarters, crawl into the other woman’s bed, and wrap herself around what was hers. Logically, she knew Brandon wasn’t competition. She’d felt Sarah’s feelings for her and didn’t doubt them, but the thought of him wanting her…

A low groan slipped past her lips, and River lowered her head into her hands, willing her mind to stop inventing ways she could kill him. 

The bridge went quiet. In the stillness, there was no missing the sudden burst of fear.

River gasped softly in surprise, her hand reaching out to clutch at the console for support. With Sarah absent from her side, her shield was missing from the rest of the crew. Kaylee’s terror went through River like a lance. Shaken, River struggled to center herself and her emotions. When the sensations refused to leave, she embraced them instead, surging to her feet and retrieving the weapon stashed under Sarah’s seat. 

“Somebody help!” Kaylee’s voice was faint but unmistakable as River hit the first step and started her decent. The mechanic was in the galley, River realized, guarding the Operative.

Putting on a burst of speed, River flew over the deck plating in the crew quarters, her movements so light and quick she barely made a sound. She charged into the galley, bringing the gun up and watching Kaylee leap in surprise at her arrival.

“What’s wrong?” 

Rattled by the sight of River with a gun and looking like she had every intention of using it, Kaylee pointed at the hold door. “He says the Alliance is comin’.” 

River hesitated for a flicker of a moment before moving forward, gently urging Kaylee out of the way. “Get the captain.”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to…” Kaylee started, worried River might do something foolish.

“I’ll be fine. Get the captain.”

Kaylee’s features scrunched up into an expression of distaste, but she did as ordered, pivoting and heading for the cargo bay.

River watched her go before turning back to the hold door. The Operative was standing on the other side, watching her. He held up his arm so she could see the beacon glowing beneath his skin. When their eyes met, River could sense no deception in him. Bracing herself, she took a step closer, meeting his cold eyes up close. “What is it?” 

“The Alliance places one of these in all their operatives.” He regarded her with open curiosity. “When a ship enters orbit, it sends out a pulse to help them locate all personnel in the immediate vicinity.”

“I don’t have one,” River snapped, wanting desperately for him to be lying.

“Only because your brother took you from them in time.” 

This time, the terror that washed through River was her own. She couldn’t go back to the Alliance. She wouldn’t. Her fingers tightened on the butt of the weapon in her hand.

The Operative watched as her jaw set with determination. She looked so harmless, but he knew the officers that would come for her would face a fury the likes of which they had never known. “They know I’m here, River. They believed I was dead. This beacon transmits not only my whereabouts but my identification.”

Considering that, River’s grip flexed on the weapon again. “Then why?”

“Why did I leave it in? Because I knew at some point I would need this warning.”

River swallowed, considering her options and how much time they would have. There was no choice. Gritting her teeth, she unlocked the door.

****

Sarah awoke from frenzied dreams, jerking up in the darkness of her quarters. She inhaled slowly as her familiar surroundings began to take shape, forcing the chaotic images that had plagued her sleep to fade. Uneasiness lingered, however, and she finally tossed off her blankets with a huff, sitting on the edge of her bed and listening to the sounds of the ship around her.

There were no alarms. No running footsteps to suggest anything was wrong, but she couldn’t shake the feeling something was off. Raking a hand through her sleep-tousled hair, she stood, pacing her quarters in her tank top and underwear. She passed her gun belt, and she allowed her hand to settle on the butt of one of the weapons. The touch calmed her thoughts but did nothing to ease her nerves.

Closing her eyes, Sarah tried to place what was bothering her. Her dreams had been less than pleasant, filled with memories of Serenity Valley. Landlocked in her own ship, practically held hostage by her own people, she’d screamed and pounded her fists on the windows, the console. She’d thought of Zoe, of Mal, and in her dreams, River had been there as well. There had been nothing she could do to escape, to help. She had listened to the sounds of the infantry pleading for reinforcements, watching from a distance as her fellow soldiers were slaughtered.

Through the hull, beyond the hanger, Sarah heard thunder rumble and she shook her head. A storm, she realized. They had been frequent since their arrival on Wayfare, almost as frequent as they had been in Serenity Valley. 

The memories did little to ease the anxiety making her shake. Still restless, Sarah let her thoughts turn to River, looking for solace. The moment her mind formed a picture of the younger woman, Sarah felt herself stagger a step, catching herself on the back of a chair as she inhaled sharply. 

It wasn’t her nerves she was feeling. 

****

Mal had just stepped foot on the ground when Kaylee barreled out of the cargo bay. Her eyes looked frantic and Mal felt his stomach drop in reaction. He knew things had been too quite for too gorram long.

“Cap’n!” Kaylee shouted. “Alliance knows we’re here! They’re comin!”

Mal turned his head and looked back up at the side of Serenity. Zoe met his gaze, giving him a faint nod. “Secure the ship,” he called to her. “Find Jayne while you’re at it.”

“I’ll get him.” Kaylee was keen on the idea of being around the crewmember with the most guns. Spinning on her heel, she quickly ran back up the ramp.

The rain suddenly stopped and Mal went cold as his gaze lifted toward the roof. It was too quiet. The sounds from the street no longer carried to him. Everyone had gone indoors, and he suspected the weather had nothing to do with it. 

Reaching out, Mal put his hand on the hull of his ship. “Ready or not, darlin’. Just hold together a little longer,” he pleaded, hoping his crew could do the same.

TBC


	32. Chapter 32

“Do you feel them?” the Operative asked curiously as River led him at gunpoint through the winding corridors of the ship. He could almost sense the anxiety of the crew as if it were seeping in around Serenity’s nuts and bolts. He could hardly blame them for being afraid. They had every right to be.

River swallowed, less than pleased about talking to him. “Wayfare has plenty of Alliance agents working undercover. I didn’t…” she trailed off, feeling like she’d failed her crew.

The Operative shook his head, suspecting her guilt. “They must have just entered orbit. It’s standard procedure.”

“They always send out a pulse?” 

He heard her skepticism and ignored it. “No, only when they’re planning an attack. They want to know what assets are at their disposal.”

Drawing in a slow breath, River’s fear turned to anger. “They’re here for us. For me.”

“That seems likely.” 

The ship creaked in the tense silence that settled between them, their boots rattling the metal plating beneath their feet.

“Now that they are aware of my continued existence, however, I fear that I have become a likely target as well.” The Operative glanced over his shoulder at the young woman.

“You’re going to lead them right to us.” 

“I’m afraid so.”

They descended a flight of steps just as Simon stepped out of the infirmary. He froze when he saw the Operative, his gaze darting in confusion to his sister. “River, what…?”

“No time, Doctor.” The Operative moved toward him with determined strides. “I’m in need of your services.”

The sound of a gun clearing its holster and the hammer drawing back made them all turn. Sarah was at the foot of the stairs in the passenger quarters, her weapon pointed right at the Operative’s head. Her feet were bare, and River realized with sudden insight that her own terror had sent the pilot running to her.

“No.” Without hesitation, River stepped in front of the prisoner, feeling a ripple of surprise from the man behind her and angry confusion from Sarah. “Simon, hurry,” she ordered her brother over her shoulder. 

“River, what the hell?” Sarah couldn’t keep a loaded weapon pointed at the woman she loved, and she lowered it with a curse. 

Sensing his presence was only making things worse, the Operative turned and snagged Simon’s arm, dragging him back toward the infirmary. “Now, Doctor.”

“Connor!” The pilot’s name boomed down from the speakers, making her flinch. “Get up here now!” Mal demanded.

Sarah hesitated, torn between what her head and heart were telling her to do. Seeing River had eased some of the worry that had sent her running, but the look in the younger woman’s eyes gave her a whole new set of concerns.

“Go,” River urged her, but regret was clear in her tone. “It’s okay. I’ll explain later.”

“Connor!” Mal sounded more urgent this time. “You are gonna get us dead if you don’t get up here!”

“They’re coming, Sarah.” River couldn’t keep the fear out of her voice. “They found us. I need you on the bridge.”

“River…” Sarah took a step toward her, aching to offer her some kind of comfort.

“Sarah, go,” River pleaded. “Please go.”

They stared at each other as silence thickened between them. Unable to refuse River anything, even something Sarah knew to her core was wrong, she pivoted on her heel and headed for the bridge, slamming her gun back in her holster as she hurried up the stairs.

River watched her leave, wishing with everything she was that she could follow.

****

A sudden pounding on her hatch door had Inara nearly coming our of her skin. She scowled, suspecting Mal was once again showing his lack of manners in announcing his presence. At least he hadn’t just opened her door and waltzed inside this time. 

“I’m coming!” The pounding increased in tempo and urgency. She released the latch and shoved the door open, startled to find the reason for her disgruntled mood on the other side. “Zoe,” she blurted, feeling her stomach flip in surprise.

Zoe hesitated. Once the tools had been quickly stowed, her only thought had been to make sure Inara was safe. The rest of the gorram ship had to wait. “Best to stay inside your shuttle. We’re making a run for it.”

“They found us,” Inara guessed in a frightened voice.

Clamping down on the intense desire to comfort the other woman, Zoe gave her a brisk nod. “It’s going to get bumpy.”

“It always does. I’ll be right here.” Inara knew that’s what Zoe needed to hear. Heedless of the risk, she reached out and gently cupped the other woman’s cheek. “Be safe.”

Instinct had Zoe reaching up to cover Inara’s hand. She told herself she should brush it aside, but instead, her fingers curled around soft skin and squeezed gently. There was too much unspoken and unsettled between them and no damn time to fix any of it. With a soft brush of her thumb over the back of Inara’s hand, Zoe let her go, turning her back on the companion as she hurried for the stairs and the fight ahead.

**** 

“Not now,” Connor growled under her breath as she sank into the pilot’s seat. She entered the code to activate the hanger doors above. “Not now, damn it!” Firing the engines, she felt the vibration shudder through the ship and all the way up to her fingertips where they gripped the helm. They had been so close to leaving… so close to returning to the only sanctuary she had ever known. 

So close to finding a little peace and time alone with River.

The vague sense of unease that had been plaguing her since they landed had transformed into full-blown panic. Connor could feel the Alliance breathing down on them, expecting to see their soldiers break down the hanger door at any moment. They would kill them all and take River if they didn’t get the hell out of there and now. 

If the Operative didn’t beat them to it. Connor wanted to know why he was out of his cage, but right now she had even more pressing issues to deal with than him.

The pilot went still, realizing all the anxiety she was experiencing might not be her own. It was both a comfort and a distraction to know what River was feeling. She drew in a slow, deep breath, mentally clamping down on fears that wanted to run wild. Connor knew she needed a clear head to fly them out of this mess.

“Report.” The sound of Mal’s boots thundering up the steps made Connor twitch. 

“We’re humped,” Connor spat, wishing she could go back in time and punch Mal in the face for insisting they dock at Wayfare. 

Mal ignored her. “Just get us in the gorram air before we get unwanted guests aboard. More unwanted guests aboard,” he said as an afterthought.

Connor noticed a red light on the console and she frowned. “The cargo bay door is still open.”

The captain leaned over her shoulder, his hand gripping the back of her chair to steady himself. A brief but potent Chinese curse left his lips before he reached up and snatched the radio down. “Kaylee! Get that gorram door closed!”

Connor and Mal waited, the pilot’s hands flexing on the helm. When a full minute crawled torturously by and there was no change, Mal threw the radio away, just missing Connor with it as it retracted and bounced upwards, cracking into the bulkhead.

“I’ll close it.” Connor reached for the switch.

“Wait,” Mal said. His jaw was set as he stared through the viewport at the hangar door. “Something is wrong.”

“Whatever it is it’s about to get a whole lot worse if we don’t move.”

The radio crackled.

“Cap’n, I can’t find Jayne. He ain’t on the ship or in the hangar!” Kaylee’s voice was full of distress, and the timbre of it scraped along Connor’s already jagged nerves. 

“We leave him.” The pilot felt guilty but was more worried about keeping River safe.

“I don’t leave a man behind.”

“Mal,” Connor snarled as she pivoted her chair to face him. “This isn’t the war.” His features were impassive, a cold mask that revealed nothing. “He left the hangar when he wasn’t supposed to. We’re all supposed to die because Jayne needed a beer or a woman?”

“He’s one of mine, and I do not leave my crew.”

A part of her agreed with him, but Connor found it hard to be rational when River’s life was at stake. “You’re gonna get us all killed!”

Mal spun and headed back the way he’d come. His boot was on the first step when he turned back toward Connor. “You lift off, and I will throw you out the nearest airlock. That is a promise.”

The pilot glared but said nothing as Mal hurried away. Connor made a mental note to kill Jayne if they all got out of this alive. Leaving the engines running, she climbed out of her seat and headed below to find River. She had to know what was up with the Operative, and her hand drifted up to her locket, holding tight to it as she descended the stairs.

It was risky to leave the bridge, but she couldn’t just sit there and wait, not when River’s distress was gnawing at her gut. She was drawn to the younger woman, inextricably linked to her now, and she wouldn’t have it any other way.

Even if today was the day her feelings for River Tam got her dead.

****

Fatigue gave River’s fear a jittery edge as she ducked into her quarters and removed a panel on the wall. Above, she could hear the hanger roof parting, a slow, excruciating screech of metal on metal as they made way for Serenity’s escape. The engines fired with a roar, and River felt the power of them vibrate through the soles of her feet. She yanked her rifle out of its hiding place. The scent of gun oil wafted to her as the air cycled through her space, teasing the loose tendrils of hair that fell across her features.

Checking the chambers, River slid the weapon to with a satisfying click. She rarely needed guns, often being a more effective weapon when she relied solely on her own skills, but she could feel the Alliance coming. She could almost detect the icy touch of Parliament on the base of her spine as they reached out across the black to drag her back into their fold. River was ready to die before she let that happen, but she would take as many of them with her as she could. 

The crew of Serenity knew how to run better than just about anyone else, but when backed into a corner, they showed just how damn good they could fight. 

She thought of Sarah at the helm and wished she could be beside her where she belonged. A wistful craving for a night alone with the pilot made River’s chest ache. It had been too long since they’d been able to spend more than a handful of hours together. River wanted off this rock, she wanted to get to New Eden, sensing that some semblance of peace waited for them there, even if it was only a temporary respite.

But the Alliance was between them and that happiness, just like they always were, and River was determined to remove that obstacle. She wasn’t ready to let go of Sarah or their plans. The Alliance could just go to hell.

Unsettled by the truth that she had no idea what was about to happen, River left her quarters, ready to defend what was hers at any cost.

****

“Why ain’t we in the air?”

Zoe waited until Mal had reached her in the hallway before asking the question. She turned and fell into step easily beside him, her hand resting on the butt of one of her weapons as she kept pace.

“Jayne done run off. Gonna go fetch him.”

Zoe felt a burst of anger at the mercenary for putting them all in a hell of a mess, but she kept her features neutral out of habit. “Should we load up the others in the shuttle? Send ‘em on their way?” The urge to get Inara and the others off the ship almost had her turning back, but sticking by Mal was what she’d always done. It was all she knew how to do. 

Mal’s jaw tightened as he weighed his options. Finally, he shook his head. “We stick together.”

“Sir…”

“I said no.” Mal didn’t bother to explain the gut feeling he had that splitting up was a bad idea. River wasn’t the only one who had hunches; hers just had a better chance of panning out.

“Sarah ain’t gonna like staying put with the Alliance bearing down us. You trust her not to up and leave to protect River?”

Mal stopped walking. “She let you call her Sarah?”

“Don’t believe this is the time to discuss it, Sir.”

The captain opened his mouth only to close it into a surly pout before starting off again.

“So where do we look first?” Zoe asked, dropping her objections to follow his lead. Mal wouldn’t leave a man behind, even Jayne, and the fastest way to get out of the Alliance’s crosshairs was to find the idiot and bring him back. 

Mal felt some of the tension tightening his shoulders lesson. “I’ll take the closest whorehouses. You take the bars.”

“Why do you get the whorehouses?” 

“Cause I’m the captain.” 

****

“Relax, Doctor,” the former Operative murmured as Simon pressed himself against the exam chair. “I mean you no harm.”

“I’m terribly comforted.” Simon wasn’t the least bit sincere as his gaze darted to the door, waiting for his sister to reappear. He could hear her rummaging around in her quarters, and he resisted the urge to call for help.

The Operative crossed to the counter, pausing when he saw the vials with a familiar symbol locked away in an airtight container. His hand rested on the surface for a moment, and he felt Simon straighten, ready to throw the chains off his bravery if it meant saving the crew. The Operative tightened his jaw, but he made no comment, ignoring Simon as he reached into a drawer and extracted a scalpel.

Behind him, Simon swallowed audibly. 

“I need your light, Doctor.” 

“Light?” Simon stared blankly, his eyes on the surgical tool.

The former Operative pursed his lips and moved toward him, paying no heed to the way surgeon stumbled back to get away from him. Grabbing hold of the operating lamp, he yanked it down, studying the beacon where it blinked ominously beneath his skin.

“What is that?” 

“Trouble.” The Operative glanced at Simon. “I would much prefer you do the honors.” He held the scalpel out.

Simon shook his head, struggling to comprehend. “You want me to take it out?”

“That’s the idea, Doctor.”

“But I haven’t numbed you. I should…” Simon hissed when the Operative suddenly dug into his own flesh, a line of red welling up and spilling across his dark skin. Spurred into action, Simon reached out and grabbed the scalpel, forgetting all about the man the moment he became his patient. “Hold still.”

The former Operative did as he was told, wincing slightly as Simon wielded the blade with far more precision. He could feel the metal warming with his blood, watching dispassionately as it dripped onto the floor. “Quickly, Doctor Tam.”

Simon frowned as the device tried to slip away from him, but he finally got his fingers around it, yanking it free. No sooner than he’d stepped back than the Operative grabbed the beacon and tossed it onto the floor, crushing it under the heel of his boot.

“What in the hell was that thing?” 

The Operative met his gaze, and Simon was struck by how apologetic the other man appeared.

“A mistake. One of many.”

River reappeared, a shotgun in her hand. She eyed the Operative for a moment, noting the pooling blood on the floor and the destroyed device soaking in the middle of it. With a grimace of distaste, she offered him her weapon.

“River!” Simon shouted. 

“We need him,” the younger Tam said, clearly unhappy at the prospect. “Go to Inara’s shuttle. Wait there.”

“I’m not leaving you with him.”

River gave him a look that bordered on an eye roll. 

The Operative smiled, amused in spite of everything. “I believe your sister doesn’t think much of your abilities in that regard, Doctor.” He reached out and accepted the weapon, nodding once to River for her show of trust, even if she had no choice.

“Try anything and I’ll kill you.”

The Operative believed her.

****

The remnants of the rain dripped from cloth and metal awnings, pattering Zoe’s bare shoulders as she followed Mal through the narrow streets. There was a crowd as always, but it was thinner than she’d ever seen it. The way people parted for them as they came through had her on edge, and suddenly every soul on the street was a potential enemy.

“Should have just left ‘em.”

Mal looked at her. “You’re the one always on me not to leave a man behind.”

“Jayne ain’t a man. He’s Jayne.”

Lips twisting, Mal smothered a smile. It was inappropriate with them likely walking into the hands of the Alliance because Jayne had run off to find a whore. “Too bad Inara don’t service the crew,” he joked. “We wouldn’t have this problem.”

Zoe resisted the urge to trip him and shove his face into the mud. “Inara has taste.”

“She slept with me,” Mal reminded her. 

The last thing Zoe wanted was that mental picture. She turned left, leaving Mal to walk on a few paces before he even realized she was missing. When he noticed he was alone he turned and trotted after her.

“Don’t got to be so touchy.” 

The urge to punch him was getting too strong to be ignored. Zoe wrapped one of her hands around the butt of her gun. “There’s a place ahead. Jayne’s favored it a time or two.”

“And you know this how?”

“Guess I just pay attention.”

Zoe shouldered open a door, watching as a half naked girl scurried off the lap of a male client twice her age. Scowling into the relative darkness, Zoe’s nose wrinkled at the strong scent of booze, candles, and sex. “Jayne!”

“The direct approach. I like it.” Mal stepped around her, heading past the bar for the stairs. “Jayne! Jayne Cobb you get your ass down here this minute!”

Something tipped over upstairs and shattered across the floor. Mal and Zoe exchanged weary glances before moving toward the stairs. 

“Is it wrong to rescue him and then kill him?” Mal asked his second-in-command. “Technically I didn’t leave him behind…”

Wood splintered in front of his face and Mal shrank back, nearly losing his footing as another shot came from the front door, burrowing into the wall where his head had been a breath before. Zoe wrapped her arms around his waist, throwing them both down the steps and out of the line of fire. The pair of Alliance soldiers who’d found them spared no bullets, holding down their triggers and spraying the room.

The client scrambled for his pants and finally decided to abandon them as he crawled on all fours toward the back. The girl, for her part, had already wisely vanished. Mal rose up and returned fire from behind the bar. He thought he heard a curse over the sound of gunfire and a pair of heavy boots stomping around above.

“Jayne!” Mal bellowed again. “You and Vera better get down here!”

Zoe stayed down, shifting as she heard the back door blow open. They were surrounded, and she suddenly hoped Sarah did betray them and leave them behind. At least Inara and the others would be safe.

“Got more company, Sir!” Zoe pulled the trigger, taking out the first soldier that walked through the back door. He dropped, but just as always was the case with the Alliance, there were more behind him to take his place.

They were being hemmed in but they stubbornly kept firing. Zoe thought about Wash, wondering if the time had finally come for her to see him again. Nix hadn’t claimed her, but perhaps Wayfare would. She imagined her husband would have a good chuckle about her dying next to Malcolm Reynolds in a whorehouse.

It would be just her damn luck.

****

“Simon.”

The doctor’s head came up as Connor entered the infirmary. She was barefoot, he realized, her hair tousled from sleep. For a moment, he saw her as River did, a beautiful woman with tinges of darkness and danger clinging to her. Connor had skipped her shoes but remembered her guns. Simon found that to be a strangely fitting for a woman in love with his sister. “You just missed them.” He knew she hadn’t come for him.

Green eyes took in the small puddle of blood on the floor before shifting back up to look questioningly at the doctor.

“It’s his,” Simon said. “He had a beacon of some sort under his skin. That’s how we knew the Alliance had entered orbit.” He held up the remains of the device he’d been studying under his microscope. “Actually had me cut it out with no anesthetic.” 

Connor came closer, neatly removing the object between Simon’s fingers to study it. She frowned. 

“You know what it is?”

“Seen them.” The pilot looked up at him. 

“They know where we are.”

“They know where he is,” Connor corrected. “They don’t know he’s onboard.”

Simon paused; realizing none of them had considered that. “They’ll still come for him, though.”

“You bet they will.” By her tone, it was clear that Connor was inclined to hand him over. She tossed the ruined device onto the counter. “Question is… who will they want more?”

“Why does that matter?”

“Because they may send out patrols looking for us in the city and send a smaller unit here to deal with him.”

“So we have a chance.” Simon sounded almost hopeful.

Connor pursed her lips. “Won’t be long until we find out.”

TBC


	33. Chapter 33

“Sir?”

Brandon looked up from his plate of protein and frowned at his pilot. There was worry in the man’s voice, and it scraped along Brandon’s already-frayed nerves. “Somethin’ gone wrong?”

“Always.” The younger man, Redman, nodded. “Alliance just dropped the hammer on Wayfare. Word is Mal and his crew are the nail.”

Brandon swore and set down his fork. “Plot a course.”

“For New Eden?”

“For Wayfare.” Brandon ignored Redman’s disbelieving stare. “We ain’t leavin’ ‘em behind.”

“But, sir… We won’t make it in time. They’ll be dead before we can…”

“Hop to, son.” Brandon’s tone left no room for argument. 

Redman looked less than thrilled, but he pivoted on his boot heel and headed back for the bridge. 

Getting to his feet, Brandon lifted his hat from the table and placed it on his head. He owed Mal plenty, and with Connor’s death still so fresh in his mind, he didn’t want to lose any more friends. He had too few of those left as it was.

If he had to storm an Alliance cruiser to save the crew of Serenity, that’s just what he was going to do.

****

The air reeked of wet trash and mud, and River took shallow breaths, her dark gaze flittering over faces and buildings as she searched for hidden threats.

Everyone stepped aside as River and the Operative moved through the crowd. She wasn’t sure if the bystanders recognized her or if it was the shotgun in the Operative’s hands as he kept pace behind her that had the rough mercenaries scrambling, and she really didn’t give a damn. All that mattered was finding the others and getting back to Sarah.

“There’s too much ground to cover.” The Operative paused when River did, his gaze flickering over the intersection of streets that left them exposed from too many angles. 

River closed her eyes, blotting out the sights and sounds that assaulted her, and reached out toward her friends, the people who’d become family. It was Zoe that cut through first, her emotions a mixture of fear and anger that made River rock back on her boots. “This way.” Drawn to Zoe’s distress, she increased her pace, shoving her way past the people who were too slow to move.

The Operative tightened his jaw when he caught a flash of an Alliance uniform in the crowd behind them. “River.”

“I know.” River kept moving, weaving through the crowd with a grace he’d seen few others possess. 

Cursing, the Operative followed. The streets were a muddy mess from the rain, and the ground sucked at his boots, slowing him down. He’d never been on this side of an Alliance operation before, having an army hunting him down. He didn’t much care for the level of anxiety it caused. 

River felt no pity for him.

“Hurry up,” she snapped over her shoulder. 

The Operative’s eyes narrowed as he heard a familiar commotion up ahead. “Gunfire.”

Heedless of the danger, River broke into a sprint, running toward the sound as others turned and fled. She could hear the Operative’s boots splashing through the rain and mud behind her. If she was wrong about his intentions, she was about to find out.

Her thoughts turned once more to Sarah and she sent out a mental apology, hoping the other woman was open to receiving it. Sarah was going to be furious with her when she returned.

If she returned. 

River’s hands balled into fists when she saw the first hint of an Alliance uniform.   
In a moment of painful clarity, River remembered John Connor. Sarah had shown her how he’d died, shared with her a pain River never could have imagined. The rage that took her wasn’t entirely her own, but River didn’t care. Men like these had murdered a little boy, taken him from the mother that had loved him more than life itself.

When she descended on the first wave of them, River let go of her humanity. They deserved no mercy, and she gave them none. Distantly, River heard a soldier scream. 

It sounded like justice.

****

The ship didn’t smell right. Connor winced as she detected mud and trash on an uneven breath. She shook her head, convinced she was imagining the stench of the city streets of Wayfare, and her next breath was cleaner, carrying with it the smell of steel and gun oil from the weapon she carried in her right hand.

Hurrying through the halls of Serenity, Connor couldn’t shake the sensation that the Alliance was right behind her. She kept looking over her shoulder, expecting to see a flash of their familiar uniforms as they came for her and the crew. Her stomach was in knots, but she detected an almost ruthless determination to destroy anyone who breached Serenity’s walls. This was her home now, and she’d be damned if she handed it over without a hell of a fight.

It had been a long time since she’d felt the kind of jagged, raw anger that filled her now. The rage making her tremble had a tinge of sadness to it that was so familiar she could taste it. She paused on the steps descending to the infirmary, her left hand reaching up to cover the locket at her throat. 

The cold metal grounded her in the moment.

“River,” Sarah whispered, detecting River’s distinct presence in the emotions tumbling through her. The grief… the rage… they weren’t hers, but they were on her behalf.

Connor had no time to absorb what that meant as a visceral thrill pierced through her like a lance. The seductive darkness of it felt frighteningly real. She gasped, stumbling down the last few steps. 

Swallowing, the pilot closed her eyes. She couldn’t think, her mind in chaos as her own thoughts and emotions warred with River’s. The connection between them was usually warm and welcoming, but this time it rattled her. Something had happened between them the night Connor had shared a part of her soul with her lover. A bridge had been erected between them, but the pilot had naively believed it only went one way.

Sucking in another breath, Connor sank to one knee. Flickers and flashes of Wayfare’s streets assaulted her, confused her. She could see Alliance soldiers everywhere, and her heart rate kicked into overdrive, slamming into her ribs with a sickening tempo. She didn’t know if she should let River fight or run to her rescue. 

A sudden, very real touch on her shoulder made the pilot start. The streets of Wayfare vanished as she opened her eyes, finding herself face-to-face with Simon who was kneeling on the floor in front of her.

“Are you all right?” he asked slowly.

Connor swallowed again, her throat now painfully dry. She licked her lips as she glanced around. The familiar scenery of the ship met her gaze and her heart rate began to slow. 

“Maybe I should take a look at you.”

Connor could still feel River, but the connection had faded to a manageable lever. She shook her head, realizing how she must look to the doctor. “No. I’m fine. I just… your sister…”

Simon’s eyes narrowed as his brow crinkled with confusion. 

Biting back the truth for now, Connor shook her head again. “Later,” she promised him, seeing the questions in his eyes. “After I figure it out myself,” she added under her breath.

Simon helped her stand and led her toward the infirmary. Unsteady on her feet, Connor let him, but she balked at following him over the threshold. When he turned to look at her, the pilot shoved the shotgun into his hands. 

“You know how to use this?”

Simon accepted the weapon with distaste. “I’m aware of the mechanics, yes. Serve with this crew and live with an assassin for a sister and sooner or later you have to fire one.”

Connor’s jaw tightened. “If it moves, shoot it.” The pilot handed him a box of ammo. “Put this in your pockets.”

“Maybe I should leave the fighting to you.” Simon still did as he was told, placing the shotgun on the counter as he weighted himself down with bullets. Connor noted his hands were shaking but she ignored the sign of weakness. 

“They might get past me.” The pilot looked almost apologetic, but her eyes were vivid and determined. “I want you to have a chance if that happens.”

Simon looked up at her and swallowed at the thought. He nodded once before his fingers curled around the gun again.

“Kaylee’s keeping watch on the bridge. Inara’s got my back from the catwalk.” Connor watched him nod distractedly. Her gaze skittered off him and landed on the vials sitting on the counter. “Might want to put those somewhere safe.”

The doctor glanced back at the vials, sitting like a silent, potent threat in his infirmary. “In case they get past us both,” he murmured, a chill clearly taking him at the thought. 

Connor took a deep breath and let it out slowly, her hand gently squeezing his arm. “Just lay low… hide if you have to… and if it gets really bad…”

“Call for help?” Simon joked weakly.

“Surrender. You don’t need to die, Simon.”

Surprise rippled over his features as he stared at her. “What about you?”

“Alliance soldiers make it this far then I’m already dead.” Stepping back, Connor gave him one last nod before she turned and left. Her hand drifted back up to her locket, cupping it gently in her palm as she climbed the stairs. 

“Be safe,” Sarah called out to the soul seeking vengeance for the child she’d lost.

****

Mal could feel blood on the side of his face. Warm and sticky, it tickled as it dribbled down his temple and slipped over his cheek. The sensation was maddening. He wanted nothing more than to reach up and wipe it away, but he didn’t dare stop pulling his trigger long enough to try. There were too many Alliance, too many men bearing down on them with no qualms about filling him full of holes. More than likely they were going to succeed, but he was determined to run out of ammo before that happened.

With a grim smile, Mal reloaded. Maybe he did want another war, some part of him acknowledged. Wasn’t much more that he wanted out of life than to see the Alliance in ashes. But if this was all he was going to get, he was determined to make it count. 

He felt Zoe’s back against his, just as it should be. She was warm, solid, and steady as a rock. Mal leaned in to her, feeling the pressure against his back increase as she did the same. She’d always been there for him, always been the one person who had never let him down. He hated the thought of her dying in a broken down whorehouse, but he was equally relieved that they’d be by each other’s side to the bitter end.

“Zoe?” The captain felt his throat tighten as he called out her name over the gunfire.

“Sir?”

“Been an honor.” 

There was a brief, weighted pause. “Honor’s all mine, sir.”

Mal’s lips twitched in the barest imitation of a smile and he shifted, making himself the bigger target. He wanted to be the one to go down first. Nobility had nothing to do with it. Mal knew he couldn’t bear to watch Zoe die.

Screams erupted outside, and for a moment, the gunfire ceased as attentions turned toward whatever terror had been unleashed in the street. Mal didn’t hesitate to shoot some of the soldiers in the back, knowing they would have done him the same. A shotgun boomed, rattling what was left of the windows.

“Calvary?” Zoe asked as they both hunkered down to reload a final time. 

Mal’s mouth tightened in a firm line when he heard another man scream. 

“River. Gorram girl is trying to take on a squad of soldiers.” Zoe’s tone was a mixture of anger and pride.

“Doing a right fine job of it.” Mal scrambled back up as another shotgun blast blew a man nearly in half. He winced and started firing again, ignoring the stench of beer and blood. The Alliance was pinned in, and he had to make every bullet count before they regrouped.

When shots started raining down on the street from above, Mal realized Jayne was finally making himself useful.

“’Bout damn time,” Zoe grumbled.

“Next time… Jayne gets left.” 

“Yes, sir,” Zoe agreed with conviction.

****

“Five. Coming your way.”

Connor’s eyes narrowed. She clicked on her radio as she shifted behind the stack of crates in Serenity’s cargo hold. “Five?” she asked Kaylee in a rough whisper.

“All I see.” Kaylee nervously licked her lips as she watched the soldiers spread out across the hanger from her vantage point on the bridge.

The pilot clenched her jaw and looked skyward to where Inara was hunkered down on the catwalk. She clicked on her radio again. “Either they aren’t expecting trouble or those soldiers are elite.” 

“We’re so humped.”

In the pit of her guts, Connor had to agree, but she didn’t say so. She’d been a good soldier herself not so long ago, and while those skills might be rusty they weren’t dead. She slid the radio into a loop on her belt and waited. Armed to the teeth with a rifle, two pistols, and a wicked blade tucked into her boot, she was as ready as she could be for whatever happened next.

Footfalls on metal reached her, and Connor swallowed, cocking her head to try to gauge the number of men coming up the ramp. She counted three, and she closed her eyes, listening intently for a fourth figure to join them. 

When his boots struck the bottom of the ramp, she stood up and fired. Her first shot struck one of them in the forehead, snapping his head back and spraying blood over the others behind him. A shout went up, and Connor didn’t flinch as the crate in front of her began to splinter under fire. Instead, she quickly drew a bead on another soldier, tracking him as he ran to put a bullet through the middle of his back.

In contrast to River’s white-hot rage, Connor went cold, shutting her mind down to everything but the threat before her. The cargo bay turned into a war zone with flashes of muzzle fire and the echoing retorts of the weapons vibrating off the walls. Inara joined the fray, doing a fairly impressive job of keeping the remaining two soldiers pinned as she fired down at them from the catwalks.

Connor rocked back as something struck her arm, and pain bloomed hot and sharp in her left bicep. Cursing, she dropped her rifle and pulled one of her sidearms, her left hand useless as her whole arm went numb. She had no choice but to crouch behind what was left of the crate.

The rifle shots were unmistakably Inara, and Connor could pinpoint two more guns in use toward the front of the cargo bay. That meant either Inara had taken out one more of the five, or the last man had chosen another route into the ship.

Connor went cold when she thought of the hatch on top of Serenity. Kaylee was alone and defenseless on the bridge. Inara must have realized the same. Connor could hear the direction of the companion’s gunfire drifting as she tried to make her way to her best friend. She wanted to call out to her, to tell Inara to stay put, but there was nothing she could do, no words that would be heard over the chaos reigning around them.

Then the rifle fire stopped, and Connor swallowed hard when she heard the weapon strike another catwalk on the way down before slamming to the floor of the cargo bay and discharging a final time. 

The only way to help Inara and Kaylee was to run. Connor’s finger tightened on the trigger and she sprang forward, firing blindly as she sprinted for the back route to the bridge. Bullets punched the walls around her, but she made it, closing and locking the door.

Fists pounded on the metal as she stepped back, holstered her weapon and grabbed her radio. “Kaylee?” she called as she turned and ran. “Close the door! Seal the door on the bridge!”

There was no response. 

**** 

River stepped back as a knife whipped past her face. She could hear it whistle as it cut through the air, and for a disconcerting moment, she thought it had found its target when pain shrieked through her left arm. Crying out softly, River stumbled back, saved from being gutted as the Operative stepped between her and the recovering soldier to slam the butt of his shotgun across the younger man’s face. The soldier collapsed in the mud, his jaw shattered.

“Move!” the Operative commanded, but River was frozen. She clutched her left bicep, but there was no wound. It wasn’t until she felt grief and fear in equal measure that she realized the pain in her arm was Sarah’s.

Another soldier came at her and River snapped back to herself, determined to put an end to all this. Grabbing his wrist, she twisted, breaking bones and turning his weapon against him. She fired two shots, not waiting around to watch him fall but stepping over him as he slumped before her. They were thinning the herd, evening the odds. 

“The ship is under attack,” River shouted to the Operative. Something cold washed over her as she rushed for the door and her crew on the other side. Inara’s name flickered through her thoughts, and River clenched her jaw as she felt a tear track through the sweat and rain on her face. She didn’t have time to reach out, to explore the source of the loss and grief that swept through her. She could only keep fighting, feeling her limbs beginning to tire under the strain. 

Whether the Operative heard her or not, he followed. Dropping his now spent shotgun, he used his sword instead, slicing a path through the remaining soldiers so he could keep up with River.

Jayne kept firing from above. When he saw the Operative finishing off the last of the soldiers beneath him he risked a look off into the distance. “More comin’!” he shouted.

River knew but they had time. She kicked one of the soldiers through the door, rushing in behind him as Mal and Zoe fought others off with their fists. Both had been bruised and bloodied, but they were still on their feet. River shouted a warning a half second too late as Zoe was blindsided, a right hook taking the second-in-command down. She crashed into Mal, toppling him into the bar.

The soldier who’d struck her raised his weapon, pointing it right at her head.

Mal yelled, trying to reach her in time, but the Operative got there first. He swung his weapon, taking the soldier’s hand off cleanly at the wrist. Jayne thundered down the stairs in time to finish him off.

Then it was suddenly deafeningly quiet as they all stared at each other. Mal and Zoe took in the Operative’s presence in disbelief. 

“Huh,” Mal finally muttered. 

“The ship is under attack,” River repeated as she tugged on Mal’s sleeve, trying to urge him up onto his feet. “We’ve got to go.”

The Operative held his hand out for the captain, but Mal refused it, standing on his own and helping Zoe to do the same. “Don’t think this makes us square,” Mal told him.

“Perish the thought.”

Zoe’s jaw tightened at the sight of him, and her stomach rolled when she realized he’d just saved her life.

“The least I could do,” the Operative murmured when he saw the turmoil in her eyes.

“I don’t need your help,” Zoe spat.

“I didn’t do it for you.”

Zoe blinked and swallowed hard, realizing he meant Wash. “You can never begin to make up for that.”

“No,” the Operative agreed, “but I’m quite sure he would have approved.”

Mal watched them, unsure what to say or do as they found themselves in a pool of tension surrounded by dead bodies. He reached up and finally wiped away the blood tickling his temple.

“We got company comin’,” Jayne reminded them and Mal decided that distraction was as good as any.

“And we’ve had enough visitin’ for one day.” Mal grabbed Zoe’s arm, feeling the coiled muscles underneath. “Move. You two can hash this out some place more… sanitary.” His nose wrinkled at the smell of sex and death as he urged her toward the door.

When they turned to take their leave, they discovered River was already gone.

****

She was leaving a blood trail. Connor could smell it as she ran, but she didn’t look back and she didn’t look down at her arm. Her lungs ached with the exertion as she made record time toward the bridge, terrified that she would find Kaylee dead or worse. 

When she heard the mechanic yell in alarm and the deafening report of a weapon echo down the corridors, Connor put on one last desperate burst of speed, rounding the corner in time to see a man in Alliance colors fill the doorway on the bridge. She didn’t hesitate, dropping into a crouch and firing off multiple rounds. Each struck him in the back, slamming into flesh and muscle and making him jerk. He tumbled back, falling down the stairs and landing in a heap just as Connor reached him.

The pilot kicked his gun away and leapt over him, leaving him to bleed. “Kaylee!” 

Plowing onto the bridge, Connor drew up short, stunned to find the mechanic on her feet and in Simon’s arms. Smoke curled up from the muzzle of a shotgun that lay dropped and forgotten on the floor. Kaylee was shaking and so was Simon, but they were alive.

“I…” Simon swallowed. “I thought I’d stay in the galley… be close to whoever might… I heard the hatch.” He swallowed again, his eyes on the spray of blood on the wall. “I… I killed him.”

Connor could only imagine how it felt for the doctor to take a life, but she didn’t have time to comfort him. “I filled him full of more holes than you did, Doc.” Her tone was brusque and made Simon look at her. “We got two more still below. Inara might be hurt.”

“Nara,” Kaylee said softly. 

Simon nodded, visibly trying to collect himself. “You stay here,” he told his fiancé. 

Kaylee shook her head. “No. We’re better off together now.”

“Kaylee…”

“You both stay here and seal the door.” Connor held up her right hand, warding off any arguments. “I’ll radio when it’s clear.”

“Your arm…” Simon murmured weakly, stepping toward her.

“It’ll keep.” Connor turned away before he could come closer, moving through the doorway. She pivoted and slid the hatch door shut behind her. She was almost to the galley when she heard the locking mechanism reluctantly turn.

Drawing in a deep breath, she tried to steady herself, dredging up skills she hadn’t had to use in a very long time. She paused in the galley, listening to the ship and for anyone that didn’t belong.

Something warm washed through her and she swayed on her feet, sensing River was rushing back for her. Connor tightened her jaw and chose her path, determined to have an Alliance-free ship before River returned.

Simon and Kaylee were secure, but she needed to know about Inara and the cargo bay was just as likely a place to find the bastards as any.

She thought about New Eden as she ran, remembering the twin moons that hung low in the sky and the warm breezes that would stir the trees. Connor wanted River to see such a calm, beautiful place. She wanted River to see the planet that had become her home.

And the Alliance was in the way of that particular dream coming true.

Connor pulled the hammer back on her pistol, a grim determination settling over her that was all her own now. “Come and get me,” she said, ready to put an end to all this. 

****

TBC


	34. Chapter 34

Inara lay still, trying to breathe through the pain throbbing in her left shoulder. She’d experienced her share of injuries before, but somehow she’d always managed to dodge the bullets aimed her way. Until now. 

A shotgun boomed from somewhere above, making Inara flinch. It sounded like it was near the bridge, and a flood of fear for Kaylee swamped her, obliterating all her other concerns. More shots followed, this time from a smaller caliber weapon, and then there was silence once more, filled by her raspy gasps for breath and the steady pounding of boots as the Alliance closed in on her position.

Another round of rain began to beat out a steady tempo on the tin roof above. Inara wasn’t sure if the roaring in her ears was the weather or something more terrifying. She muttered a few choice curses under her breath at Malcolm Reynolds, convinced this was his fault. The man had a gift for getting them into these messes. 

She couldn’t think of Mal without being reminded of the woman who too often stood beside him. Inara could almost imagine Zoe on the catwalk in front of her, hands resting lightly on her hips, the very picture of a noble warrior with the slightest hint of a knowing smile. Stoic to a damn fault. Too gorram full of pride for her own good. 

Feeling anger swell and replace a fraction of her fear, Inara tried to push thoughts of Zoe out of her mind, but the memories paid her no heed, rushing in with the sound of the rain. If Zoe had been there now, Inara wasn’t sure if she would use the last of her strength to kiss her or slap her. It wasn’t fair that she was about to die, and her traitorous brain refused to think of anyone else but the one person doing her gorram best not to be a part of her life.

A shadow fell across her, and the distinct click of a hammer drawing back on a gun was just loud enough to be heard over the rain. Inara tensed as the fear returned in full measure, mouthing a few words in silent prayer if there were any gods willing to hear them.

Two shots rang out and the companion flinched as one ricocheted off the rail near her head. Sparks brushed her cheek and she hissed as they burned her skin. As she ducked, she heard one of the soldiers grunt in pain while the other shouted out a warning too late.

More shots were fired and Inara drew in on herself, trying to keep her head down as the wounded Alliance soldier clanged onto the catwalk at her feet. His pale blue eyes looked right through her as a thin trickle of blood flowed from his lips. She knew she would have nightmares about his young face if she lived long enough to sleep in her own bed again.

The gunfire ceased and Inara heard a fist strike flesh. Someone was fighting for her life beyond the crates stacked across the catwalk. They had provided poor cover against the soldiers’ bullets, but now they were enough to keep her from witnessing her potential rescue. Gritting her teeth, she leveraged herself up. Black dots filled her vision as the rain thundered in her ears, but she focused on the weapon the dead soldier had dropped. Her fingers, slick with blood, closed around the butt and dragged the gun across the catwalk toward her.

It was Connor. Inara’s heart leapt in both relief and fright as the pilot was shoved over the crates, slamming down onto the catwalk beside the dead man. The other soldier pounced, grabbing Connor by the throat. Inara struggled to bring the gun up, to aim it without hitting the pilot, but she didn’t trust her shaking hands. 

Connor tangled her legs around her attacker and twisted, rolling him off as she held on, going with the motion and winding up above him as their roles were swiftly reversed. She efficiently blocked one of his blows before punching him across the face. 

Inara’s vision blurred as the rain continued to roar. She tried to draw a bead on the man, cursing when her finger didn’t seem to have the strength to pull the trigger. The soldier used brute strength to toss Connor off him, throwing her against the rail and making the entire catwalk shudder.

Their attacker surged to his feet, a glint of light reflecting off a blade in his hand. He took one step toward Connor as she attempted to stand, but her left hand, wet with blood, slipped off the rail and she went down again.

“No!” Inara screamed as he lunged. 

A rifle report echoed through the cargo bay. The Alliance soldier’s head rocked back and he went limp, falling over his comrade with a bullet between his eyes.

The companion’s gaze jerked back to the pilot who was sweating freely, her dark hair matted to her forehead as she gasped for breath. There was no weapon in Connor’s hands. 

The catwalk vibrated as someone raced up the steps toward them. Inara shivered with relief when she saw River, the young woman covered in rain and mud but otherwise unharmed. River tossed a spent rifle next to the companion, and Inara recognized it as the weapon she’d lost in the initial battle. She let her head drop back against the rail, watching the strange but striking pair reunite. 

“More?” River demanded, her dark eyes intense and a little wild.

Connor shook her head. “That was the last.”

River’s hand ghosted through the pilot’s hair before resting familiarly against Connor’s cheek. Inara almost turned away from the naked emotion between them, but she was mesmerized. What was happening between them was the kind of love that inspired legends, and she willingly bore witness to it. 

Then River’s attention abruptly shifted onto the companion, her long fingers gently wrapping around one of Inara’s wrists. “Go,” she told Connor over her shoulder. “The others were right behind me and more Alliance soldiers were behind them.”

Connor’s jaw tightened but she nodded. With a grimace of pain, the pilot leveraged herself up onto her feet. “Mal has the time it takes me to get to the bridge before I leave him on this rock.” 

“That’s all they’ll need.” River gave Inara a tiny, knowing smile as she helped the companion up, easing one of her arms across her shoulders to take on her weight. She lingered for a moment, watching Connor walk away. “That’s all we’ll need,” she amended, her voice firming with confidence. 

****

“You gotta name?”

The Operative turned his head and gazed at Mal, wondering if he was, indeed, on the receiving end of the captain's question. Rain pelted their clothes, dripping off the ends of their noses and the tips of the pistols they carried at their sides. As annoying and uncomfortable as it was, the weather still provided them some degree of cover from the Alliance soldiers shoving their way through the remaining crowds behind them. They were all doing their best to walk at a brisk clip and not run, knowing that if they broke into a sprint they would be spotted immediately. 

“A name,” Mal said it more slowly this time. “Somethin’ other than son-of-a-bitch or rat bastard?”

Jayne grunted in amusement but kept walking, making a path through the thicket of people as he gave the soldiers a quick glance over his shoulder.

Zoe’s jaw tightened but she said nothing, bearing the indignity of the weather, their situation, and the Operative’s close presence like royalty. Of their motley group, she was the only one who still held her chin up, allowing the rain to wash the blood and dirt off her features. The Operative was struck by how proud she remained even in their current circumstance.

His gaze slid reluctantly to Mal. “I have no name.”

“Everyone has a name.” Zoe adjusted the grip on her gun, her finger casually resting on the trigger.

“Most,” the Operative corrected without rancor. “My kind are born and trained for a purpose. That purpose never required a name.”

They walked in silence, digesting that information as they splashed through the mud and muck. Ahead, the tattered and rusting hanger that sheltered Serenity was visible a few short blocks away.

“Then you best pick one.”

The Operative glance at Mal, feeling Zoe bristle at the order. “Pick one?”

“Can’t keep calling you ‘the Operative.’ Takes too gorram long in a fire fight.”

“Mal…” Zoe’s voice was full of warning that Mal seemed either unable, or unwilling, to heed.

The Operative took in a slow, measured breath, his various wounds aching and Mal’s machinations wearing on him. He usually found the Firefly captain amusing in a simple way, but now that the Alliance was aware of his continued existence, he’d lost a heavy layer of the peace he’d previously enjoyed. At that moment, Mal was testing his patience to a potentially lethal degree. “Perhaps we should discuss the matter another time.”

“No time like the present.” Mal walked along beside him as if he didn’t have a care in the world. “How about Stan? Or maybe Bob?” The captain considered his options as Jayne snickered, giving Mal the amused audience he sought and the encouragement to continue. “Chet. I kinda like Chet.” 

The Operative took another deep breath, doing his best to rein in his growing anger.

“Come up with one for yourself or we’ll do it for you. Ain’t that right, Zoe?”

Zoe didn’t seem to find the conversation any more entertaining than the one at the heart of it. For once, the Operative mused, he and Hoban Washburne’s widow had something in common.

They both sighed.

****

The seat felt cold as Connor slid into it. She shivered as she reached up and flipped the switch to fire the engines again. Like a plucked chord, Serenity vibrated, a thrum of power spreading throughout the ship and sounding like music to the pilot’s ears.

This is where she felt in control. This is where she felt like she was at home.

The signal for an incoming wave trilled softly, but Connor jumped as if it had been a gunshot. She ignored it, strongly suspecting it was the Alliance playing games. Gritting her teeth, she put both hands on the helm. Her left arm still felt numb, but she could detect the worn grip beneath her fingertips. 

The cortex continued to beep as she went through her pre-flight prep as quickly as she was able, listening for the familiar tune of the engines that would tell her they were ready to fly. 

Finally hearing what she wanted to hear, Connor reached for the button that would close the cargo bay door. Her hand hovered over it, knowing she would be condemning the others if she pressed it. 

But the choice was mercifully made for her as the door to the hanger banged open and Jayne stormed inside. Connor swore at the group that tumbled in after him, but she knew it was more in relief than anger. Even seeing the Operative almost made her giddy. 

“All in.” Mal’s voice came down over the speakers and Connor needed no more encouragement as the clang of the cargo bay door closing below echoed through the ship.

Connor lifted Serenity skyward just as a contingent of Alliance soldiers poured in the open doorway. She had come to love the ship as her own, but in that moment, she would have given damn near anything for the Firefly to have weapons.

Bullets impacted the viewport and Connor winced, listening to the evil cracks they made and squinting against the bright flashes of light. The ship ignored the tiny assaults on her hull, finally clearing the hanger before leaping toward the stars.

Sarah didn’t even hear her, but she suddenly felt River’s presence beside her. The younger woman had settled into the co-pilot’s chair, her long, slender fingers moving over the console quietly. For a moment, Sarah could only stare at her, unsure what to make of River now or the connection between them. She’d been lost inside River’s head earlier, and the fear of it happening again put her on edge. River seemed to absorb everyone’s darker natures as easily as breathing. The younger woman was stronger than she’d ever imagined.

The truth made her feel weak and confused. Sarah looked away and focused on flying. As the ship passed through the clouds and silence stretched out between them, the pilot became keenly aware of the locket nestled in the hollow of her throat. She could almost feel John’s ghost hovering nearby, and she wondered if it was River’s thoughts bringing him close or her own.

“Someone is hailing us.” River’s strained voice broke Sarah out of her reverie. 

“Leave it,” the pilot barked, struggling against the increasing pull on the wheel in her grip. 

River glanced at her, her gaze dipping to the growing stain of blood spreading out over Sarah’s left arm. She said nothing even though she clearly wanted to. Sarah wondered if River was in her head just as she’d been in River’s a short time ago. Feeling her pain. Seeing her thoughts. The notion made her stomach roll.

“Where’s the Alliance ship?” Sarah demanded, ignoring the sound of approaching boots on the stairs. She recognized Mal and Zoe’s gait, and even though company was the last thing she wanted, there wasn’t much she could do about it now.

River’s frown deepened as she leaned forward, staring at the screen in confusion. “That can’t be right.” She slapped the screen lightly, as if that would fix everything. 

“What is it, Little Albatross?” Mal leaned over her, crowding closer as Zoe joined him. 

“I’m seeing multiple ships. They’re flittering about just outside orbit. They look like a swarm of bugs.”

Connor glanced at them then. She met Mal’s gaze, and for a moment, history floated between them. “You don’t think…?” She let her words trail off, afraid she’d jinx the hope that had suddenly reared in her chest.

“I think we’re about damn due for some luck.” Mal motioned Zoe to a seat and they both sat and buckled in.

“A smoke screen?” Zoe asked in surprise.

“What’s a smoke screen?” River wanted to know.

“A tactical maneuver we used during the war. A bunch of ships cover for the one that needs to get away.”

River glanced back down at the radar, her fingers splaying over the small blips representing hundreds if not thousands of lives. “What keeps the Alliance from shooting at them?” 

“Nothing,” Zoe said quietly.

They broke atmo and surged into a sea of small vessels. Sarah grunted in surprise as they nearly collided with one. She sucked down a surprised breath at the sheer number of them, and prayed she wouldn’t accidentally take out an ally. She’d been a part of smoke screens herself in the war, but she’d never had so many risk their lives for her and her crew.

It made her feel awed and completely unworthy.

The Alliance cruiser was off their port bow, looming large over the small mining shuttles and ragtag mix of vessels that darted around it. If a ship was capable of looking confused, Sarah suspected she was witnessing such a thing. 

The cortex beeped again and this time Sarah flipped the switch, ready to respond.

“Serenity, this is Endurance. We thought you could use a little company. Lock on to my signal and follow me.” 

Brandon Raggley’s voice was about the most beautiful thing Sarah had ever heard. She realized that every signature from nearly every ship mimicked Serenity’s Nav-Sat. “Son of a bitch,” she almost laughed.

Mal leaned forward in his seat. “Raggley? Next time our paths cross, I’m gonna kiss you.” 

“Would much prefer that appreciation for my deeds from Zoe if it’s all the same.” The signal went silence as Sarah plotted coordinates and followed him out of the maze of ships.

“Looks like you got your luck.” Sarah glanced at Mal over her shoulder, wishing she could slap the smug look off his face. “Don’t look so pleased. We aren’t safe, yet.”

“Good as.” Mal smiled. “Good as.”

****

“She’ll be all right.”

Kaylee didn’t look convinced as she lingered in the doorway to the infirmary, watching Simon work. Inara was pale and still in the operating chair, and it made Kaylee queasy to see her blood on Simon’s hands.

“Shoulda been me in the cargo bay. Woman like Inara got no business fightin.”

Simon glanced at her, trying to quell the anger he could feel churning in his gut. They’d gone to a full burn ten minutes ago, somehow narrowly escaping death once more. As many scrapes as they’d been in lately, Simon knew it was just a matter of time until one of them wound up on his table with a wound he couldn’t fix. He swallowed and looked back down at his patient. He’d already removed the bullet, relieved to find there was no significant damage to any organs. Inara was going to be in some discomfort for a while, but she would live.

“It shouldn’t have been any of us.” Simon took a breath, feeling his temper continue to rise. “We should have stayed together. Gotten off that rock when we knew they were coming.”

“But we woulda left Jayne,” Kaylee reminded him.

Simon’s jaw set but he said nothing.

Kaylee dropped her gaze. “He makes mistakes, but he’s one of our own. You gotta take care of your own.”

“He nearly got us all killed.” Simon studied Inara’s features. “She’s on my table because of him.”

“Jayne didn’t bring the Alliance down on us to begin with.”

Simon slammed his scalpel down on his tray and Kaylee flinched. “No, that’s my fault, right? Mine and River’s? We’re the ones the Alliance wants. We’re the ones who keep putting everyone in harm’s way.”

“I was talkin’ about the Operative.” Kaylee was looking at him with a sympathetic expression that did nothing to make Simon feel any better.

Chastised and his anger deflated, Simon couldn’t hold her gaze. He thought about the Operative, again under lock and key in the galley with Jayne standing guard. They would be a ship of fools if not for the women of Serenity. With a sigh, he went to the counter to retrieve a fresh scalpel.

“Ain’t your fault, Simon.” 

The doctor leaned on the counter, feeling his eyes burn as anger easily transformed into despair. “Wish I could believe that. I wish… I wish the Alliance would just leave us alone.”

Kaylee was quiet, likely detecting the misery in his voice. “Only way to do that is to make ‘em.”

His fiancée sounded casual, but Simon didn’t miss the underlying fear in her voice. He slowly turned and looked at her. “War.”

Uneasily, Kaylee shrugged. “We got a decision we’re gonna have to make.”

“I know,” Simon said after a moment. “But not now. Not today.” In his heart, though, Simon knew he’d already decided. The events of the day had taken away his choices.

“Simon…”

“Not now.” The doctor met Kaylee’s worried gaze, unprepared to have the conversation they needed to just yet. “Not now,” he repeated, his voice softening. “We’ll talk later.”

“Later might be too late.” On that ominous note, Kaylee turned and left him alone with his patient.

****

Mal unbuckled from his seat and stood, taking a deep breath when he saw nothing before him but open space. Raggley and his crew had come alongside the small craft, but they wouldn’t be docking together for a while yet. 

The captain hooked his thumbs on his gun belt and took in the weariness of the others before a splash of red caught his attention on the wall next to the stairs. “What happened there?”

Connor glanced behind her. “Five elite guards showed up. One got past us.”

Mal and Zoe went still and focused on Connor.

“What happened?” Mal repeated.

“Kaylee was on the bridge. Simon defended her.” Connor’s voice was tight. 

“Doc took a life?” Zoe stood and gripped the back of River’s chair, her dark eyes showing their first hint of regret. 

“He had no choice.” The pilot sounded like she was defending Simon, but no one believed he needed such a kindness. He’d done what had to be done.

River swallowed and Connor glanced at her apologetically before fixing her gaze back on the viewport.

“Damn.” Mal shook his head, knowing he’d been a fool to think they’d gotten off easy. “Let me take the helm. You need tending.” He carefully put his hand on her shoulder, expecting it to be swatted away, but all Connor did was bristle.

“Simon’s already got a patient. While you all were out fetching Jayne, Inara was taking a bullet protecting your ship.”

Connor grunted when Mal’s fingers dug hard into her shoulder. Zoe said nothing, going painfully still behind River’s chair. River’s gasp brought all their attention to her, and she shied away from them, especially Zoe. Connor’s jaw was set as she watched River’s pain, but Mal was oblivious.

“I told her to stay in her quarters.” Zoe swallowed, the only outward sign she was affected, but River’s despair only seemed to increase. Zoe glanced at the younger woman and slowly stood, moving away slightly.

“Inara has her own mind and her own way of doing things.” Mal’s voice was quiet and worried in response to Zoe’s faint and brittle tone. 

“If she’d stayed there we might all be dead.” Connor kept her eyes forward. “We did what had to be done.”

Mal remained still, considering his options. Drawing in a slow, measured breath, he looked at Zoe. “Check on her,” he ordered.

Her dark eyes pinned him with a look he couldn’t read. It made his stomach quiver nervously.

“You should…” Zoe began.

“I’m the captain, and I got a crew that needs tending. What I want comes last.” Mal jerked his head at the hatch. “Go. Give her my best.”

River only relaxed when Zoe left the room. She wiped at her eyes, trembling quietly in her seat.

“You too,” he told Connor with more conviction. “Get stitched up.”

“I’m fine.”

“That’s an order.” The command came out sharper and angrier than he’d intended, and Mal watched Connor tense, but after a moment, she relented.

“Fine.” The pilot unbuckled, tossing the harness off and getting to her feet. River stood as well, reaching out to help her, but Connor jerked away from her touch.

Everyone went still.

“I’m fine,” Connor said again, her voice softening even as she stared warily at River’s still outstretched hand. “You should get cleaned up.” She wouldn’t meet River’s eyes.

“But…” River looked confused.

Sensing something between his pilots he felt in no mood to deal with, Mal sent them on their way. “You too, Little Albatross. Connor’s right. You’re an all over mess.”

Connor didn’t wait, pivoting on her boot and moving toward the stairs. River’s gaze followed her until she disappeared before shifting back to Mal.

“Don’t know,” he said to the silent question he could see in her eyes. “But best give her a little space. Let her patch her hurts while you get cleaned up. You can talk later.” 

Slowly, River nodded. She started to drift past him when Mal reached out and laid a hand on her shoulder. “Don’t say it enough.” He cleared his throat. “Thanks for having our backs out there.” He met her gaze, struck as always by the wisdom and innocence that lurked there.

“Thanks for always having mine.” River managed a meager smile that hurt Mal’s heart to see.

“You’re worth it,” he promised and meant it. “Ain’t a soul on-board who ain’t. Well…” Mal made a show of reconsidering. “Might have to rethink my thoughts on Jayne in that regard.”

River’s touch ghosted across his shoulder and disappeared, leaving him with the strange sense that they were all going to be okay. At least for now. 

****

“Hey.”

River slowed as she closed the door to her quarters. Freshly showered and changed, she felt almost human again. “Hey,” she greeted quietly. Her gaze slipped past Kaylee to take in the tableau in the infirmary. It had been over an hour since Zoe had left the bridge, but it was clear she had made it no further than Inara’s bedside. 

Kaylee turned, going shoulder to shoulder with the younger woman. “She’ll be okay. ‘Nara looks all delicate-like but she’s made of tougher stuff.”

River smiled and nodded once. “She is.” Her gaze lingered on Zoe. “Not sure she’s the one I’m worried about, though.” River could still taste the fear and regret that had torn Zoe up inside when they’d learned the news. 

“Connor’s gonna be fine,” Kaylee assured her as she tugged the coat she was wearing closer. “Simon says it was just a nasty splinter. No bullet. That’s good, right?”

“Very good.” River sighed. She’d barely spoken to Sarah since her return and she ached to go to her, but Mal was right. For some reason, Sarah needed space right now. River was confused about the source of the pilot’s sudden distance, but she knew enough to respect it, at least for a little while. She started as Kaylee’s hand rested on her shoulder.

“You best talk to Simon at some point. He ain’t one for killin’.”

The misery in Kaylee’s voice was a palpable thing. River drew in a breath, wondering again if she’d made the right choice to go after Mal and the others. She’d been able to think of little else since learning what had transpired on Serenity in her absence. Running a hand through her damp hair she nodded once more. “I will. It will be hard for him, but it would have been harder to lose you.”

Kaylee swallowed, looking like she was on the verge of tears. “If he hadn’t…” She swallowed again and managed a watery smile before shaking her head. “No use bein’ upset and all, I guess. We’re all still here. Gonna run out of luck someday.”

“Not today.”

Kaylee’s smile edged a little wider. “Not today. I’m just glad Jayne cleaned up after…” She sighed. “Least he could do.”

River grasped one of Kaylee’s hands and squeezed, feeling her soon to be sister-in-law return the pressure. When Kaylee’s lips brushed over her forehead in silent thanks, River felt a timid smile of her own lift her lips. “I need to talk to Sarah,” River said apologetically.

“Why ain’t I surprised?” Kaylee cuffed her playfully on the arm but her heart wasn’t really in it. “Brandon says we’ve got another half hour or so before it’s safe to dock with each other. Can’t believe he gone and done what he did.”

“Yeah.” River’s jaw bunched when she thought about the way Sarah had laughed and the thread of joy and relief that had washed through the other woman at hearing Brandon’s voice. Jealousy was an ugly feeling and she didn’t much care for it. “Man of the hour.”

One of Kaylee’s eyebrows elevated at a tone she’d never heard River use before but she said nothing. “I’m gonna stick close case ‘Nara needs anything. Or if Simon…” She smiled half-heartedly.

River nodded before moving away. She took her time getting to the bridge, giving Sarah a few more moments to work out whatever was on her mind. Not since they’d met did River feel so closed off from the other woman. Something had happened back on Wayfare that had rattled Sarah. Whatever it was, the willful distance Sarah had put between them made River’s stomach hurt.

The pilot was back in her chair, hands resting lightly on the helm. Sarah looked tired and worn, but the fight was still in her eyes when she shifted and glanced back to find River watching her. The older woman sighed and dropped her head, but River didn’t sense that her presence was unwelcome. “Better?”

Sarah glanced at her bandaged left arm, assuming that’s what River meant. “Mostly. I’m going to have nightmares about that splinter your brother pulled out of me, though.”

River drifted closer. “I felt that,” she said hesitantly, feeling her way carefully toward whatever was upsetting the other woman. “When you got hurt.”

Drawing in a slow breath, Sarah turned back toward the viewport. “Yeah. I felt… a thing or two myself.”

River blinked. “From me?”

For a moment, Sarah didn’t move, and then she slowly nodded before glancing back at her again. Unconsciously, her right hand drifted up to cover her locket.

River went still at the sight, the memories of attacking the soldiers on Wayfare rushing back. She stared at Sarah’s hand, gripping the only reminder she had left of her son. Shame washed through her when she realized exactly what Sarah had felt.

“You…” River took a breath of her own, feeling it catch in her chest. “You felt my anger…”

“Was it yours?” Green eyes met brown, silently pleading. “It felt awfully damn familiar.”

Swallowing, River moved a little closer, drawn helplessly to Sarah’s distress. “The rage… the loss that fueled it… that was mine.”

Sarah shook her head. “It couldn’t be. You never knew him. You never loved him. You…”

“I did know him. I do love him.” River swallowed again, forgetting herself for a moment as Sarah’s intense stare bored through her. “Sarah… you shared everything that night. The good and the bad. I felt it all just as you did,” she reminded her.

“River.” Sarah’s voice was soft. “You killed all those men… you… enjoyed… killing all those men…” She shook her head again. “You never would have done that if you…”

“Stop.” River eased down next to the pilot’s chair and gripped Sarah’s hand. “I did get angry. I did take vengeance on those men for what they did to you… for what they did to John.” Her gaze darted to the locket before lifting back to Sarah’s eyes. “I’m not sorry anymore than you were when you joined the war.” Her thumb eased over Sarah’s knuckles as she collected her thoughts. “I am sorry, though, that I projected that somehow… that I made you relive that…” The soft touch of Sarah’s hand through her hair nearly undid her. 

“I couldn’t get my head on straight. It was like… like I was in yours.” Sarah glanced down at their joined hands. “I could smell the streets. Feel the punches. Taste the gunpowder on the back of my tongue.” Her fingers drifted through River’s hair again until the younger woman looked up at her. “Is that what it’s like for you? To see and feel like you’re inside another person?”

River searched Sarah’s gaze, a flicker of surprise flaring in her dark eyes. She leaned forward. “You experienced all of that?”

Sarah nodded. “I… feel… brushes of you sometimes. A thought. A feeling. But never anything like that. Never anything that extreme. I don’t know how you deal with that.”

“It was the intensity of the emotion. It magnified it.”

“Magnified what?” Sarah’s voice took on an edge of confusion. 

River suspected a truth she wasn’t sure Sarah was ready to hear. “What you felt from me,” she answered vaguely. “I think… when we were both so vulnerable with each other that night… we formed a link.” It was the truth, just not all of it. The rest she would save for a better time. 

“That’s…” Sarah shook her head, and took a ragged breath. “I don’t… know… if I can do this… if every time one of us gets mad…”

A slow, knowing smile drifted across River’s lips as she stood next to the pilot. Sarah tipped her head back to watch her, confused by her reaction. “What?”

“We’ll always be aware of each other’s moods, but it won’t happen like that all the time.”

“Really? Because you might have noticed I have a short temper.”

River bit her lip as she eyed the other woman knowingly. “It’s about the intensity of the emotion, not the emotion itself.” She shifted closer, watching Sarah’s nostrils flare as she eased one leg alongside the pilot’s, sliding partially on top of the other woman and pinning her to the chair. “And it’s not just bad emotions.” 

Dipping her head, River captured Sarah’s mouth, closing her eyes and letting her feelings for the pilot rush forward and consume her. She thought about how much she wanted to touch her, to explore her. How good it had felt to feel Sarah’s body pressed against her. Sarah gasped and River pressed her advantage, deepening the kiss and willing Sarah to feel how much she loved her. How much she wanted her.

The pilot’s hands slid over River’s hips and urged her closer. River shivered with pleasure at the friction they created between them, and in moments, she’d forgotten the point she was trying to prove. There was only the heat between them. The sensation of Sarah’s callused fingers teasing up her thigh. It was her turn to gasp.

Neither of them noticed the cortex beeping until something tapped Serenity and nudged her forward. River nearly toppled off the pilot in surprise.

“Son of a…” Sarah bit off the rest of her curse, her entire body shaking from River’s sensuous assault. “Gorram it, Brandon.”

“That was the Endurance?” River asked breathlessly.

“He always thought that was funny to come alongside and kiss ships as he called it.” Sarah killed the auxiliary engines, which was all they’d been running anyway. She heard the docking mechanism from the Endurance lock onto Serenity, drawing the ships together and locking them tight.

For a moment, they simply looked at each other.

“Intense emotions, huh?” Sarah finally asked.

River smiled.

“What’s going to happen when we…” Sarah licked her lips, feeling her face and body heat in an odd combination of embarrassment and almost painful arousal. She watched River’s chest rise and fall as the younger woman took a shaky breath, clearly sensing what she was feeling. 

“I’m ready to find out whenever you are,” River said simply, savoring the thick, heady rush of desire she’d stoked in the other woman.

Sarah groaned as the cortex continued to beep impatiently. “You’re going to be in so much trouble when I get you in bed.” She reached around River, answering the call.

River felt her mouth go dry when she imagined the possibilities. She said nothing as Brandon greeted them. There wasn’t even a flare of her usual jealousy where the captain of the Endurance was concerned. He could never compete with what she’d just made Sarah feel.

Feeling smug, River eased out of Sarah’s lap, making sure to move slowly so as to prolong their contact. Sarah watched her, a twinkle of amusement having replaced the worry in her eyes. 

“Brat,” Sarah hissed under her breath.

River smiled. “Tell Brandon I said hello,” she practically purred before taking her leave on shaking legs.

Sarah watched her go, wanting nothing more than to go after her. She raked her hands through her hair. “You got lousy timing, Brandon,” she greeted her old friend.

There was a long pause. “Connor?” Brandon asked, hopeful surprise in his voice.

“Really, really lousy timing,” the pilot said again before flopping back into her chair. 

TBC


	35. Chapter 35

The touch of pale, cold skin brought a rush of memories so visceral Zoe felt herself shiver. She’d held the hand of the dead and the dying more times than she cared to remember, but every one of those men and women were burned into her brain. Their names. Their faces. The moment they’d left this life for whatever came next. 

She hadn’t been able to hold Wash’s hand.

In the span of a breath, he’d been taken from her, his joy over the best flight of his life cut cruelly short. She’d reached for her husband, but Mal had stopped her from what would have been a fatal rush across the bridge. Sometimes, in her darkest hours, she wondered if Wash had really died instantly or if he’d lingered just a little while, long enough to die alone at the helm of the ship he loved. 

Throat rippling around a rough swallow, Zoe adjusted her grip on Inara’s hand. Unlike those soldiers lost, Inara’s skin warmed at her touch. The companion had been weakened, but she wasn’t going to leave her. Not this time.

Simon fussed about behind them. Zoe knew his fidgeting had more to do with his taking of a life than the need for cleanliness, but she had no words of comfort for him. Given their line of work, it was nothing short of a miracle he’d managed to go this long without killing another human being. Serenity had seen her share of battles since the Tams had come aboard, but somehow Simon had weathered them all without getting anyone’s blood on his hands but the crew’s and maybe a Reaver or two. 

Something clanged against the ship and Zoe lifted her head in alarm. She could feel Simon still behind her, but after a few moments and no warnings, Zoe released the breath she’d been holding.

“Never a dull moment.”

Zoe wasn’t sure if Simon were merely talking aloud or if the words were meant for her. He said nothing more on the matter, returning to his task with the focus of a man who needed a distraction. 

“Did what you had to, Doc.” She hadn’t meant to say anything, but the words slipped out, some part of her recognizing their need to be said.

Simon’s shoulders stiffened. “That doesn’t make me feel better.”

“That’s what makes you a good healer. You value life more than most.” Zoe hoped that would end the conversation. She liked Simon, but she was in no mood to offer him any more comfort than what she had already. He’d chosen this life and he’d been lucky so far. Just like the woman whose hand she held so tightly in her own. 

Sighing, Simon turned to look at her, leaning back against the counter. “I don’t think I can go to war.”

The abrupt shift in the conversation made Zoe look at him. “Don’t recall anyone asking you to.”

They stared at each other as another metal clang echoed through the ship. Docking clamps, Zoe realized distantly. She kept her dark eyes intent on Simon’s face but her thumb never stopped moving rhythmically over Inara’s knuckles.

“Will I have a choice?”

Zoe gritted her teeth, wishing she’d kept her mouth shut. She wasn’t in the right frame of mind for this conversation, and her lack of patience nearly had her telling Simon so. “The captain…”

Simon shook his head, and Zoe lapsed into silence.

“It isn’t up to him. Not really.” The doctor ran a weary hand through his hair. “If the Operative has an army and they go to war… The Alliance will respond. No place will be safe. There will be nowhere to run.”

Zoe considered his words, finding no flaw in them. “You don’t have to fight, Simon. The wounded will need tending.”

“But I’ll still have to choose.”

“Is there still a choice?” Zoe kept her voice mild, but she was certain an edge of the anger she was feeling had crept into it. Simon straightened and sighed again.

“No. Not between the Alliance and the…” He hesitated, not sure what to call the Operative’s army.

“The resistance.” Zoe figured if Brandon and Connor had been a part of it, then the name was good enough. She clamped down on the memories it stirred, feeling souls and hurts she’d left in the past reach out for her from the recesses of her mind.

“The resistance.” Simon tasted the word, fully understanding its meaning for the first time. “The Alliance has done horrible things to my sister… chased us across the known ‘Verse. I could never champion their side again. I know too much. I’ve seen too much.”

“Then what’s the choice?” Zoe’s voice was bitter.

“Do I commit or not?”

Zoe looked down, knowing she felt the same to a point. How much fight did she have left in her? She was so gorram tired. Bone weariness had settled upon her for sometime now, and she wasn’t sure she had it in her for another war. She’d told Mal as much, and his disappointment had been a palpable thing. Zoe knew she would fight if she had to, but would she fight because she wanted to?

“No one can answer that for you, Doc.” 

Simon nodded. “I’m not a fighter… not a… warrior… like you.” He looked up when Zoe snorted derisively. 

“Not sure I am anymore, either.” Zoe let her gaze drift to Inara’s still face. “Tired of watching good people die for hopeless causes.”

“Is freedom a hopeless cause?” Simon’s voice changed slightly with the question.

“Is anybody every truly free?” Zoe held his gaze, challenging him to make a choice. Maybe she wanted him to make it for both of them. Maybe she was the one who really needed to be told what to do.

Simon’s eyes turned flinty as his jaw tightened. “We sure as hell won’t be under Alliance rule.”

Zoe took a breath, the truth settling over her. “Then I guess you’ve got the answer to your question.”

The doctor’s mouth opened as he started to argue only to close slowly. They stared at each other, their breathing loud in the otherwise silent infirmary. 

“I should check on Kaylee. Get some sleep. You should consider turning in as well.”

“I’m where I need to be.”

Simon glanced at Inara. “She’s fine. I doubt she’ll even have a scar if I do say so myself.” He watched the companion for a few moments. “I’ll stay close by, but with the drugs I gave her for the pain, she’ll sleep straight through the night.”

“Then I’ll just sit right here then. You get your rest.” 

There was no use in arguing. Simon sighed and shook his head a little. He moved to the door, lingering there for a moment as he looked back at her. “Thanks,” he said quietly.

Zoe didn’t look at him, knowing her emotions were too close to the surface. She listened as his footsteps retreated, her attention returning to the woman whose hand she had yet to release since she’d arrived in the infirmary. Even pale and injured, few women could compete with Inara’s beauty.

“Why me?” The words split the unbearable silence. “You could have any man or woman of your choosing. I’m broken. Half a person, if that. Rest of me died with Wash. You’d do better to move on. Leave me be and find…”

Zoe’s voice broke as Inara squeezed her hand, drawing her closer even in her unconscious state.

****

River waited. 

She leaned against the counter in the galley and absorbed the worries and hurts of the crew, feeling them gnaw away at the lingering thrill that still remained from her encounter with Sarah on the bridge. She did her best to blot everyone out, preferring to focus on her feelings for Sarah, but her own apprehension of Brandon’s imminent arrival made it hard.

It killed her that he had feelings for Sarah. Not that River blamed him. Frankly she was amazed that she was the only one on the ship with feelings for the pilot beyond the friendly. She’d never felt this way before, however, and River knew no one would ever make her feel like this again. Protecting it mattered more than anything, and if that made her jealous and irrational so be it. She just hoped Brandon wouldn’t push his luck. River liked the captain of the Endurance, but if he didn’t take no for an answer, she’d make sure he never looked so much as sideways at Sarah again.

A soft rustle behind the door to the hold drew River’s attention. She knew the Operative was inside, waiting for Brandon’s arrival just like she was. River even detected a small thread of unease winding through him, a rare fluctuation in his normally even-keeled mind. The notion that he could feel anything other than duty was an odd relief. He was becoming more human to her, less of the monster her dreams had always painted him out to be.

She’d been putting off studying him too closely, afraid of what he would make her feel. Death clung to him like a lover, and River wanted no part of his history or his regrets. She’d caught a glimpse into his mind on Wayfare, detecting his reasons for reaching out to them now to bring them into the fold. His plan had been fraught with risks, but he’d taken them, jeopardizing his own life to come face to face with Mal and his crew once more. A small part of her even had to admire his plans and his determination to see the Alliance fall once and for all.

Sensing it was time, River turned and moved toward the hatch door. Before Miranda, her actions had always been guided by instinct. Her mind had become too muddled with the thoughts of millions to rationally think through many of her actions. Her head was clear now, mostly, even though the rest of the crew would accuse her of being crazy. 

She unlocked the door, swinging it open to reveal the prisoner inside. He looked up at her, his clothing still caked with mud and blood from their earlier battle on the streets of Wayfare. 

River met his eyes, seeing something in them that made her uncomfortable. She’d been so close, maybe only a few months away to becoming a tool of the Alliance just like him. An assassin who killed on command. A soldier programmed to do Parliament’s bidding. If Simon hadn’t rescued her…

River shivered slightly, wondering if her eyes would have looked as haunted and lost as his. They were both victims, their minds tortured and twisted in different ways. 

He stood, carefully approaching her. The faintest ghost of a smile touched his lips. “I knew you’d come. Eventually.”

River stared at him. The man who’d taken Wash and Book from them was standing inches away, and the desire to avenge her fallen friends still stirred beneath the surface. Her hands balled into fists as she struggled for control. “We’ll never forgive you.”

“I know,” he said plainly, a trace of both acceptance and regret in his voice.

“But I understand.”

He blinked.

“I understand why you did what you did. You and Mal are more alike than either of you want to admit.”

The former Operative tilted his head. “You wound me.”

River didn’t smile. “Both driven. Both willing to stop at nothing to do what you think is right.”

“What I did was wrong.” His voice changed, deepening and roughening with the memories.

“You didn’t know.”

“That’s no excuse.”

Something else Mal and he had in common, River realized. An unwillingness to ever forgive themselves for their sins. “Why now? Why come for us now?”

He watched her, his features losing some of their pride to crumble for a moment, so quickly River almost thought she imagined his loss of composure. “There is no more time.”

****

A string of expletives drifted out of the engine room, making Jayne pause uncertainly near the door. He wiped at the sweat gathering on his neck, biting his lower lip as his better angels fought with his inner demons. Hidden in the shadows, Kaylee was oblivious to his lumbering presence, too lost in the bowels of the engine to pay him any heed. He watched her, guilt chewing at him for the role he’d played in nearly getting her killed.

Lifting his eyes toward the ceiling, Jayne murmured a few hasty prayers before he winced and stepped inside, half expecting to get brained with a wrench for his trouble.

It took Kaylee another thirty seconds to notice him. When she did, she leaned back, letting her boots thump to the floor as she undraped herself from over the engine. She stared at him, her mouth as angry and twisted as Jayne had ever seen it. 

“Worked with mercenaries that had better language.” Jayne swallowed, hoping humor might be the way to go.

Kaylee didn’t look amused. She dropped the wrench in her toolbox and turned away.

Jayne cleared his throat and tried again. “Look… I uh… just wanted to say…”

“That you’re sorry?” Kaylee asked, rounding on him with a look in her eyes that made him take a step back.

“Well… yeah,” Jayne answered sincerely. “I heard what happened in all. I’ll find a way to make it up to you.” He nodded, hoping she believed him. Kaylee was the only one of the crew that never treated him bad, and he hated to think he’d ruined that.

“Ain’t me you gotta make things up to.”

Jayne blinked. “Mal will just punch me in the mouth when he gets a chance…”

“I ain’t talkin’ about the cap’n.”

Jayne screwed up his face, feeling both confused and put out. “If I don’t owe ya for nearly gettin’ ya killed then who…”

“Simon.”

Jayne blinked again. “The Doc?” He snorted. “Just cause he had to kill a fella to save you? You’re worth killin’ an army for.”

It was Kaylee’s turn to blink. “Yeah?” she blurted.

Jayne shrugged, thinking that was obvious.

“No.” Kaylee shook her head. “No. Flattery ain’t gonna work, Jayne.”

“Ain’t flattery. Just the truth.”

Jayne wasn’t sure what he was doing, but he could tell Kaylee’s anger was losing steam. “Look. I’m sorry for what happened. Sometimes I don’t think with the right head.”

“Let’s… not go there.” Kaylee grimaced and turned around, moving back to the engine. She put her arm on the housing and leaned against it before she looked back at him. “Simon’s a doctor, Jayne. He saves lives. He don’t take ‘em.”

“He did what a man’s gotta do.”

“Only because you… were thinking with the wrong head.”

Jayne considered that, frowning when he realized she had a point. “So what am I supposed to do?” he growled.

“You wanna make it up to me?” 

“Yeah.” Jayne rubbed the tip of his boot at a greasy spot on the floor, unwilling to meet Kaylee’s eyes. 

“Then make it up to him.”

“Knew I shoulda kept my gorram mouth shut,” he grumbled, already resigned to doing what Kaylee wanted. 

Kaylee came closer again, laying one hand on his arm and waiting for him to look at her. “Thank you for apologizin’ to me.”

Jayne made another sound like a growl. “So how do I patch things up with the Doc?”

“I’d offer to… shine his shoes for a month.”

“Shine his shoes? You gotta be kiddin’ me!”

“I’ll leave them outside my quarters for you in the morning.”

They both turned to find Simon regarding them from the doorway. Kaylee smiled knowingly, but when Jayne rounded on her she returned her features to their neutral expression. 

“See?” she motioned at Simon. “That’s all it’ll take. A little spit and polish and things’ll be right back the way they were.”

“No actual spit please,” Simon added, his features a mask that revealed none of his emotions.

Sighing, Jayne trudged out of the room, coming face to face with the doctor. “Fine. I’ll polish your gorram shoes. That make us square?”

“No, but it’s something.”

Jayne studied the doctor, unsettled by the shadows he could see in the other man’s eyes. Knowing he’d played his part in putting them there, he gave in. He nodded once and walked away.

“Polish my shoes?” Simon asked, a small smile forming on his lips that surprised him.

Kaylee shrugged. “Liked the mental picture.” She moved closer and wrapped her arms around him, snuggling against his firm chest. 

“You okay?” Simon asked softly.

She nodded under his chin. “You?”

The doctor considered the question and everything the day had brought. “I’m oddly better knowing I’ll have shiny shoes tomorrow.”

Kaylee smiled, feeling like their world might be okay.

Eventually.

****

He saw her coming, her usual swagger more subdued but still present. Sarah Connor was a woman who knew who she was and what she stood for down to her core, and that confidence manifested in the way that she walked. Having studied her file, he wasn’t surprised to learn she’d been drawn to River, but that River had been drawn to her had caught him off guard. 

The pair made a sort of lethal sense, the former Operative decided. Apart they were both formidable foes. Together, they were a force to be reckoned with. He wondered if they knew that.

Connor stepped into the galley only to pull up short on the stairs when her gaze locked on his. He could see her concern for River flare in her eyes, and her right hand automatically dropped to the pistol resting against her right hip. He realized his faint worries about Brandon might be a moot point if Connor decided to draw on him. The pilot was an excellent marksman according to her service record.

River either saw it in his eyes or felt the other woman’s presence. She pivoted, looking behind her as she automatically moved between him and Connor’s ill will. The younger Tam constantly surprised him, and now was no different. When he’d chased her across the ‘Verse, he’d believed they were equals. Then he’d seen what she’d done to a roomful of Reavers and knew how foolishly naïve he’d been. He could kill and had, but River had something he didn’t. She loved her brother, her shipmates, and now Sarah Connor, and she could use those feelings to fuel her lethal skills to a nearly unstoppable degree in the name of protecting those she cared for. He’d once believed those feelings were her weakness. He’d been horribly wrong.

Slowly, he lifted his hands in supplication.

“Sarah.” River moved away from him, her back exposed to any murderous desires he might have had. He didn’t move, but he saw Connor flinch, the other woman painfully aware of River’s vulnerability. Fortunately for both of them, he had no need to cause either of them harm.

River put her hand over Connor’s where it rested on the butt of her weapon. She climbed one step up, making the pair nearly even in height. Connor’s body was painfully rigid to behold, and the former Operative almost ached in empathy.

“No,” River whispered as if she were talking to a wild animal. “It’s okay. I let him out. I needed to talk to him.”

Sarah Connor might love River Tam, the former Operative mused, but she wasn’t immune to thinking the younger woman could be mad. Connor stared at her in disbelief before her gaze cut to him. He could see the pain in her eyes that his mere presence caused her, but it paled in comparison to her hate of who he was and what he represented.

“River,” Connor hissed. “Have you lost your gorram mind?”

“Do you trust me?”

He watched them in fascination, relishing the knowledge that the Alliance had no idea just who they were up against. This pair would change the fate of the ‘Verse, and he felt privileged to bear witness to a chapter of their story. 

“River.” Connor’s voice dropped to a hoarse plea. “You don’t…”

“Do you trust me?” River insisted, sliding up to stand on the same step as Connor, their bodies nearly touching.

Connor swayed in place, from fatigue or the thrall River had over her, the former Operative wasn’t sure. He only knew her resistance was fading, being worn away by River’s very nearness.

“You know I do.”

“Then trust me.”

Connor met her gaze, her sharp green eyes studying every plane and angle of River’s face. She finally looked at him again, and her rage had lessened to something closer to a weary resentment. The pilot still wanted to shoot him, but she would do whatever River asked. It was useful information to know, and he filed it away for later use.

“We need him. For now, we need him.” River let her fingers slide away from Connor’s gun to glide up her arm and finally rest along her cheek. “We need him.”

The pilot looked far from convinced, but her frame lost some of its rigidity. “He’s a monster.”

“He’s a man,” River murmured. “A man who was as much a victim of the Alliance as I was.”

“No…” Connor shook her head, refusing to accept a truth he wasn’t even sure he believed himself.

“Trust me,” River repeated. “I need you to trust me.”

Connor closed her eyes and River touched her forehead to the pilot’s. “Trust me,” she said again, her voice low and beckoning.

The former Operative let his hands drop to his sides. The second battle of the day was over, but there was one still left to fight. 

TBC


	36. Chapter 36

The smooth skin of his jaw felt foreign as Brandon rubbed his right hand over it. His face didn’t see a razor often, but this was a special occasion. Pleased with his appearance, he smiled at his reflection in the dusty mirror in his quarters before wetting his fingers and running them through his hastily clipped hair. The captain of the Endurance had even put on his best boots and given them a polish. They weren’t completely broken in yet, but he figured sore feet was a small price to pay for the handsome figure he hoped he’d cut when he saw Connor in a few minutes.

Brandon swallowed, still amazed to know that she hadn’t been lost to the Reavers. He owed Mal a fist in the face for keeping her fate from him, but it was hard to be too put out with Serenity’s captain under the circumstances.

Glancing at the time, Brandon sighed. They were going to be late to rendezvous with their superior, but it couldn’t be avoided. Considering the preoccupation their senior officer had with Mal and his crew, Brandon hoped the delay would be understood and appreciated.

Slapping on a small amount of cologne, he gave a nod to his reflection before stepping out of his quarters. Redman was waiting for him, a tiny smirk visible inside his thick beard.

“Lookin’ fancy.”

“That’s looking fancy, sir,” Brandon reminded him. A small snicker was heard as he turned to head for the hatch that would take him onboard Serenity. When he glanced back, Redman stared at him placidly.

“Watch yourself.”

“Yes, sir.”

“A man gets no respect.” Brandon shook his head, hoping he wouldn’t get too much more grief from his crew. Surely they couldn’t fault him for wanting to look nice for a woman like Connor. A thought struck him and he paused before turning back. “You cleaned up. You smell better.”

His junior officer colored slightly.

Perhaps he wasn’t the only one hoping to make an impression. Brandon rolled his eyes as Redman cleared his throat and fell in step behind him.

When they reached the hatch, the remaining members of his crew were waiting. They’d all changed clothes and showered, making his usually ragtag bunch almost presentable. With no women on his ship, it didn’t take a genius to figure out why.

A clang from below made them all shift restlessly. Brandon jerked his chin at Redman, and the young man got down on one knee to spin the wheel and release the hatch. As it opened, Brandon and his crew peered down into Mal’s upturned features.

“My ship been through enough without you being cute.”

Brandon smiled, wondering if he should punch Mal now or later. Given his counterpart’s haggard appearance, he decided he’d be charitable for the time being. “I ain’t the one always trying to fly her apart.” His smile slowly faded as he sensed Mal was bantering for form. He’d never seen Reynolds look so tired, not even in the war.

Guilt churned in Brandon’s gut when he thought about his role in sending Mal and his crew to Nix. It had been necessary, but he’d followed his orders under protest. He just hoped Mal had gotten the evidence they needed. “You all in one piece?” he asked, suddenly worried the dark circles under Mal’s blue eyes might be due to a loss of more than sleep.

Mal merely shrugged, giving nothing away. He moved aside, sweeping out his hand in invitation.

Keeping his eagerness in check, Brandon forced himself to go last, but he was disappointed Connor wasn’t there to greet him. Reluctantly, his gaze shifted back on to Mal who was watching him carefully. “Had a gorram time of it, huh?”

For a moment, Brandon sensed he was the one who was going to get the punch in the face. Mal’s frame took on a familiar tension, his blue eyes turning flinty. Brandon braced for it, but the blow never came.

“A gorram time.” Serenity’s captain hitched his thumbs on his gun belt, and Brandon eyed the pistol on Mal’s right hip with unease.

“Bad enough to warrant an armed greeting?”

Mal glanced down, staring at the weapon as if he’d forgotten he was wearing it. “Too many surprises lately.”

Unease began to gnaw on the edges of Brandon’s excitement. He felt his men shift, a clear indicator they were picking up on Mal’s mood and the strange, restless energy that seemed to permeate the air inside Serenity.

“Thanks for the help back there.”

Mal offering sincere gratitude only made Brandon more wary. “What’s wrong?” he asked, tired of waiting for an explanation or trying to figure one out. Patience had never been one of his virtues.

“Wrong?” Mal now had a small, dangerous smile on his lips. “What could be wrong, Brandon?”

Several possibilities crossed Brandon’s mind, none of them good.

“Tight fit here.” Mal brushed past him. “Let’s go to the galley where we can talk.”

Brandon moved aside to let him pass. Something told him the galley was the last place he wanted to go, but Brandon fell in step behind his crew. He still wanted to see Connor badly enough to deal with Mal and his mercurial moods. He just hoped that’s all they were dealing with.

****

River was still shaking from the moment that had just passed with Sarah. The pilot stood beside her, their shoulders barely touching. River could detect the faintest hints of anger and confusion from Sarah, and she hated that her choices were the root cause, but River was certain she’d done the right thing. The path forward was becoming clearer. As much as she didn’t like the idea, they needed the former Operative.

And he needed them.

She could hear snippets of conversation, her keen hearing picking up on the undercurrent of anger in Mal’s tone as he greeted the captain of the Endurance. If Brandon’s changing mood were in any indication, so could he. He’d come aboard like a child on Christmas morning, so eager was he to see Sarah. River suspected her reaction was petty, but she was glad some of his enthusiasm had been knocked down a few pegs.

When footsteps approached, making the metal plating on the floor vibrate, River braced herself for the reunion, her hand coming to rest on Sarah’s warm back. The pilot turned her head and met her gaze, causing the same jolt to River’s guts it always did when their glances met. Sarah looked exhausted, and River wished she could whisk her away to some place cozy and quiet where they could forget about this awful day for a little while.

“He’s like a brother,” Sarah said unexpectedly.

River drew in a sharp breath as she realized that Sarah had either picked up on her jealousy or that she wasn’t hiding it nearly as well as she thought she was. “If only he saw you as a sister.” Her jaw clenched when Brandon stepped inside the galley. She’d never seen him clean shaven before, and he had dressed to impress.

Sarah stepped away from her to greet him, and River had to remind herself of what had transpired between her and the pilot on the bridge a short time ago. The heat. The hunger. Brandon couldn’t make Sarah feel like that, no matter how much history and friendship was between them. The knowledge had been a comfort before his arrival, but seeing his handsome features in the flesh churned every insecurity she had up to the surface.

A smile split Brandon’s face at the sight of his old friend, and River wondered if Sarah would be upset if she punched the man before he made the pass he was thinking about. And he was thinking about it. Surely that was enough to warrant violence on her part.

River had to look away as Brandon put his arms around Sarah and drew her in close. Her mind couldn’t be rational at the sight. When she heard him rub his hands over the pilot’s back and take a deep breath of her scent, she’d had enough. River took a step forward, homicide clear in her features if the crew of the Endurance’s reaction was any indication. She watched in satisfaction as they stumbled back a step, their fear fueling her determination to claim what was hers.

“Down, girl.” Mal’s hand on her shoulder and his voice, barely a whisper, brought her back to herself. “Much as I’d like to watch you mop the floor with him, that’ll have to keep.”

“Thought I’d… thought we’d lost you.” Brandon grinned, his gaze for the pilot alone as he finally leaned back enough to take in her worn and battered appearance. “Shoulda known the Reavers were no match for your stubbornness.”

Sarah smiled weakly as she stepped away from him, retreating to the warmth and comfort of River’s side. River didn’t know if Sarah had returned out of a need to be close or simply to placate River’s needless jealousy. She really didn’t care. Possessively, River put her hand on Sarah’s back. She did her best not to stare daggers at Brandon, but Mal’s tiny snort suggested she wasn’t doing a very good job.

“River,” Brandon greeted with a smile that slowly faded under her hostile glare. “Everything all right?” He glanced around, clearly puzzled by his less than warm welcome.

Brandon’s joy at seeing Sarah came to an abrupt end when he spied his superior lingering in the background, watching them reunite with a disinterested expression.

“Sir…” Brandon stuttered, jerking unconsciously to attention.

“At ease, Captain,” the former Operative murmured to his junior officer before dipping his head once in greeting at Mal who didn’t seem surprised in the least to see him out of the hold.

The prisoner came closer, still looking every bit the picture of command even with the mud and blood spattered all over his clothes. He stopped in front of Brandon who was still struggling to take in the unexpected turn of events.

“Sir… we were going to… I don’t understand…” Brandon’s gaze swept off him to land on Sarah, looking at her for help before shifting to Mal. “I thought…”

“Brandon,” Sarah murmured, regret in her voice that only River could hear.

“Wait.” Brandon shook his head and took a step toward Sarah, the one person he believed could explain. “You… do you know who he is?”

“Better than you, my friend.” Sarah swallowed, her discomfort with the situation apparent in the tight muscles beneath River’s fingertips. She looked at the former Operative with disdain plain on her features.

“Connor, you don’t… he’s…”

“She knows who I am, Brandon. They all know.” The former Operative sounded mildly apologetic.

Brandon glanced back at Sarah, searching for some clue as to what was happening before his gaze went to River. They stared at each other for a moment, and River could feel Brandon’s hopes being washed away in a blast of confusion and growing alarm.

“You deserve some answers,” the former Operative continued. “Some truths I have been reluctant to share.”

“Answers?” Brandon looked away from River and focused on his superior. “Answers to what?”

Brandon and his crew looked at all of them, trying to comprehend what had changed and why everything suddenly felt so wrong. River wanted to feel some sympathy for them, but she couldn’t find a shred of it.

“What the gorram hell is this?” Brandon laughed, an uncomfortable, brittle sound.

“You were just following orders.” Sarah met his gaze squarely, her green eyes intense, but there was emotion in them Brandon couldn’t read. “You were just being a good soldier. Remember that.”

Brandon opened his mouth to say something only to close it. River could almost hear the thoughts running through his head, could almost taste his profound confusion.

“He lied to you, Brandon,” Sarah said bluntly. “About who he is.”

“The man you’ve been taking orders from…” Mal waited until Brandon turned to look at him, disbelief all over his face. “He was the man who hunted us… hunted River. The man who killed Book and Wash.”

“No.” Brandon shook his head, and edge of hysterical laughter rising in his throat. He looked pleadingly at his superior. “Tell them they’re wrong. Tell them the truth.”

“They speak the truth… what they know of it.”

Shock rippled through the space and River shifted, feeling it sear her nerves and leave them shaking. Her stomach quivered in empathy, nausea raising in reaction to the ugly truth the Endurance crew was trying so desperately to swallow.

“No. We built something good,” Brandon insisted. “New Eden, the new resistance… they aren’t a lie.”

“They aren’t a lie.” The former Operative looked at him placidly. “But they are right, Captain. I’m not who you think I am.”

Brandon looked back at his own crew. They appeared as stunned as he felt.

“I was an Operative, Brandon. I was Parliament’s… man. I killed those that stood in the way of unification until I was…” He glanced at Mal. “Made to see the error of my ways.”

“Is this some kind of payback for Nix?” Brandon turned and suddenly shoved Mal. “It ain’t funny.”

Mal surged back, ready to engage, but Sarah put her arm between them. “It’s not,” she said simply. “Not a gorram thing about this is funny.”

Brandon turned to her, his eyes pleading with her to tell him it was all a joke, a terrible, unfunny joke. “Connor, you know me. I would never…” He rounded back on the former Operative. “I would know. I would smell their stench on you.”

“Apparently not.”

Sarah had just enough time to roll her eyes at the prisoner’s bravado before Brandon snapped, charging toward the former Operative and slugging him across the face. The crew of the Endurance surged forward, forcing Mal and Sarah into the awkward position of stepping in to protect the Operative. River felt dual ripples of surprise from both of them when they realized exactly whom they were risking their lives to save.

The sound of a shotgun cocking made everyone go still. Kaylee stood in the doorway, her usually cheerful features serious. The gun in her hands seemed foreign and unfamiliar, but the way she held it made it clear she knew how to use it if pressed.

“Had enough for one day,” the mechanic said. “Had enough for a lifetime.”

Jayne and Simon stood behind her, both of them looking on in surprise, but Jayne looked rather pleased as well.

Sarah shifted, reluctantly coming to stand beside the prisoner as she slid her weapon from her holster to draw on the crew she’d once counted among her friends. “Nobody else is dying today.”

Now tangled in a heap on the floor with Mal, Brandon shoved the captain of Serenity away and got to his feet. “You lied to me. You lied to all of us,” he accused the prisoner.

“He lied about his past… not about his purpose.” River felt self-conscious when everyone turned to look at her, but she kept her gaze on the Operative. “I felt it today… on Wayfare… you just wanted to go home. You never knew what that meant. Why people would fight and die to protect it.”

The Operative stood motionless, his lower lip beginning to swell and bleed, but his eyes were fixed on River and River alone.

“In many ways, you were as much a victim of the Alliance as I was. Except where they failed with me, they succeeded with you.”

Outwardly, the former Operative seemed calm, but when he spoke, his voice wavered. “I was their man,” he repeated.

“Not anymore.”

“Not anymore.” Wonder colored his tone.

“Connor.” Brandon’s voice broke on the name, disturbing the silence and stillness that had fallen over everyone in the galley.

The pilot stared at the former Operative, studying him curiously before meeting Brandon’s gaze. “We still have work to do, with him or without him.”

“It’s still time?” Brandon was no longer sure.

“It’s still time,” Mal answered, for all of them.

****

The sheets felt refreshingly cool as Connor slid under them. Hours had passed since the confrontation in the galley, and the pilot took a moment to draw in a deep breath and relax as much as she was able. A weight was off her shoulders now that Brandon knew the truth, but she knew the look of betrayal that had been on his face would haunt her dreams tonight.

Beside her, River slept hard. Connor had nearly been sick when she’d seen the bruises River had shown to no one but her. Helpless, all she could do was patch her up once more. It was a pattern with them she wanted to break. She wanted more pleasure for them, less pain.

After tucking the younger woman into bed, Connor had showered and tended to her own hurts, putting a new bandage on her arm and rubbing some ointment Simon had given her on the bruises on her face. Her jaw was unnaturally warm now in the chill of the room, but the medicine dulled the pain and for that she was grateful.

Connor tilted her head, watching River as she slept beside her, grateful that the presence of the younger woman kept even darker thoughts from creeping in. What they shared was unique and more than a little frightening, but River had proven the pros could far outweigh the cons. She smiled tiredly, her mind turning over her plans for when they arrived on New Eden. A soft knock on her door roused her from the dreams she hadn’t even realized she’d slipped into.

Mal was waiting for her when stepped off the ladder.

“Sorry,” he said by way of greeting, raking a hand through his disheveled hair. “But I…” The captain clamped his jaws together.

Connor leaned against the wall. “Brandon gone?”

“Short while ago.”

The pilot nodded. “How’d he seem?”

“Took things better than you.”

Connor’s eyebrows shot skyward. “More personal for me,” she said, not sure she believed him.

Mal grunted in agreement before he met her gaze in the darkened hallway. “I’m gonna cut him loose.”

For a moment, Connor didn’t understand what he meant. When comprehension dawned, she straightened, coming more fully awake. “Mal…”

“I don’t like it, either. But like it or not, we can’t keep him locked up in there much longer.”

“I don’t give a damn if he dies and rots in there.”

“Know you don’t. Suspect Zoe would feel the same.”

Connor realized he hadn’t told Zoe yet of his plans. It confused her that he would come to her first, but then she realized he was probably avoiding the infirmary for a reason.

“He came with River on Wayfare. Helped save our asses. And she’s fine with letting him wander. Like it or not, he’s leading the resistance…”

“For the moment,” Connor cut him off. “You think he’ll stay in power when people learn who he is? What he is?”

Mal hooked his thumbs on his belt buckle. “I don’t like it either,” he said again, “but something in my gut tells me it’s the right thing to do.”

Connor tipped her head and stared at him. “The same gut that told us to go to Nix? The same gut that thought Wayfare was a good idea?”

“We’re still here, ain’t we?”

“He killed friends of yours and now you want to be allies?”

“It’s war, Sarah,” he said seriously, his eyes searching hers. “He knows how they think. He knows their processes, their procedures. We’d both have cut off our right arms for that kinda intel during the war.”

“I don’t trust him.” Connor ignored the fact that he’d called her by her first name, sensing she was making a mistake but letting it go anyway.

“I didn’t say I was going to give him the keys to the ship.”

“So you’re going to lock him in crew quarters instead of the hold?”

Mal shrugged. “Least he’d have a bed.”

The pilot glared.

“I don’t know where your heart and head are on the subject, but mine are made up.” Mal took a breath. “I never did get over the war… maybe because there’s still more of it left to fight.”

Connor sighed and looked at the floor. “I was already in this, Mal. I’m not the one you have to convince.”

“But what if it all falls apart without our guest in the hold to keep it all together? Who do you think is going to lead all these people now?”

Her green eyes searched his face as she thought about everyone she knew inside the organization. Brandon was the highest ranking officer she was familiar with, but none of the options she considered inspired her with confidence. “You want to keep his identity a secret?”

“I want to shoot the bastard in the face, but that might not be the wisest course of action.”

Connor mulled over what he was saying, not liking what he was suggesting but not sure he was wrong.

“Think about how you reacted, how Brandon reacted. Now imagine all the people in the resistance reacting the same way. You think there will still be a resistance then? One ready to stop the Alliance for good?”

Connor shifted uncomfortably.

“You think about Nix, Connor. What the Alliance did to those prisoners and guards. That’s our fate if we don’t fall in line… if we don’t roll over. I don’t go down easy, and if that means I have to keep a secret I don’t wanna keep in order to rid the ‘Verse of the Alliance, then I’ll sew my damn mouth shut.”

“I’ll have to think about it,” she said quietly.

“You do that. You got two whole days to decide if you really want the war you thought you did. If you really want out from under the Alliance’s thumb.”

“Don’t push me, Mal.”

“I ain’t the one pushing. Time is runnin’ out. Make a choice you can live with. I’ve made mine.” Mal turned and moved away, heading for the bridge instead of his quarters and the sleep he so desperately needed.

“Like you ever had a choice,” Connor said after him into the empty darkness.

When she slipped back under the sheets a few minutes later, River was still where she’d left her. Connor sighed as the younger woman drifted closer, drawn to her heat and possibly even her upset. She draped an arm around River’s shoulders as she stared off into space, mulling over the unpleasant options Mal had put in her head.

“He’s right, you know.”

Connor let her head drop back to rest against the wall. “You heard all that, huh?” She didn’t know why she was surprised. River seemed to always be listening one way or another.

River nodded sleepily.

“You think if we have any chance of winning that we have to let that bastard lead?”

Slowly, River sat up, watching Connor closely. “I could… feel the death he was going to bring with him. That’s why I didn’t want him onboard.”

Connor studied her quietly but said nothing.

“Now, I’m not sure whose death I was sensing. Ours… or theirs.”

“It doesn’t sit well with me that the fate of the gorram ‘Verse is on him.”

“Not completely, but he has a role to play if we stand any chance of stopping the Alliance.”

“That doesn’t make me happy.”

River pursed her lips before leaning forward and kissing the pilot softly. “I know.”

There was a wealth of understanding in those two words, and Connor felt her chest tighten in reaction. “You trust him?” Her green eyes locked on to River’s, and Connor knew whatever answer the younger woman gave her would be enough to decide everything.

“I trust… his role.” River watched her process that. “I trust… I trust that he’s actually trying to do the right thing.”

“But you don’t like him.”

“How could I? Book… Wash…”

Connor pursed her own lips and nodded once.

“In many ways, I was reacting to him the way I react to you.”

The pilot lifted one eyebrow in silent question, trying not to be offended, and River smiled. “I can’t read him as well as I can read most, and when you combine that with intense feelings…” She shook her head. “It wasn’t until we were out on the streets on Wayfare, alone, that I finally got a true sense of him and his motives.”

“So Mal’s right. We should play along.”

“If we want to stop the Alliance? Yes.” River watched her swallow that. “It all comes down to how much it matters to you.”

“You already know,” Connor said softly, her hand coming up to rest on her locket.

“I do.” River nestled against her once more, breathing in her scent. “And I’ll be right beside you every step of the way.”

****

TBC


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the very long delay with this one. Updates will come more regularly again now.
> 
> I wanted to have the crew on New Eden for this chapter, but they had other ideas. Next chapter, they're landing whether they want to or not.
> 
> Thanks as always to zennie for the encouragement and beta!

A tiny itch began between Simon’s shoulder blades, a whisper of paranoia that he was being watched. He resisted turning around to peek behind him, the sensation of anxiety as familiar to him now as his own skin. Simon had never put much stock in ghosts, but he’d never had to take a man’s life before Wayfare. Now he half expected to see the man he’d killed around every corner.

The doctor continued to clean up the infirmary. It was already neat as a pin, but it gave him something to do. If the crew tumbled headlong into the war that was fast approaching, it wouldn’t stay so sterile for long. He’d managed to put everything away and even wiped down the counter before he could no longer bear the sense that he wasn’t alone. He turned his head toward the hatch, expecting to find it empty. When he discovered Mal there, so still he seemed to be an illusion, Simon jumped.

“You got those vials?”

“What?” Shaking, Simon leaned against the counter, his knees suddenly too wobbly to hold him. He wondered how the captain would react if he punched him for scaring the hell out of him.

“The vials,” Mal said again, shifting slightly. He was in his long brown coat, his hands resting on his hips. Simon noticed he was armed and the fleeting thought crossed his mind that perhaps it was time he considered a weapon of his own. “Doc?”

Simon’s gaze jerked away from the guns to Mal’s face. “I assume you mean the ones we found on Nix.”

“That’d be them.”

Nodding, Simon went to one of his cabinets, slipping off a chain around his neck that held a simple key. He unlocked the cabinet and withdrew the small, sealed tray that contained the vials. “What do you…?” He jumped again when he turned to find Mal right beside him.

“These airtight? Ain’t going to make me all zombie-fied if I trip and drop ‘em?”

“They could be the formula that could turn you into a Reaver. We have no way of knowing.”

The captain smiled, but the gesture was flat. “Always showing off that fine bedside manner.”

Simon gave him a withering look. “What do you want with them?”

“Need to put ‘em someplace safe. Especially with guests wandering about.”

“You mean the Operative? He’s been loose for days.”

“Far cry more than that’ll be aboard in a short time. Don’t know who we can trust.”

“And you don’t trust me to look after them?” Simon tried not to feel offended and failed.

Mal’s lips quirked. “I trust you plenty, Doc. It’s that there cabinet I have my doubts about. Operative says we’ll be boarded when we land. They’ll search the ship. Do you trust his people to do the right thing if they find these?” Mal hefted the tray with care. “I don’t.”

Simon shifted, uneasy. “That’s a terrifying thought.”

“Exactly.” Mal studied the vials for a moment, his thoughts unreadable. “I need to put these somewhere no one knows about. Fewer people know their whereabouts the better.”

Nodding slowly, Simon stared at the vials, imagining too many horrifying possibilities. “The Operative knows they’re onboard.”

“Nothing I can do about that.”

Simon nodded again. “I would suggest you don’t trip on your way to hide those. It’s a sealed container, but a sharp drop could make you zombie-fied.” He smiled weakly at Mal’s chosen term.

“Or it could make me go on a rampage and kill you all.” Mal grinned sweetly as Simon swallowed hard. “Have a nice day, Doc. We’ll see you in paradise.” He spun on his boot heel and walked toward the door, tripping suddenly as he stepped through the hatch.

Breath catching, Simon surged forward only to come up short when Mal glanced back at him knowingly and smirked before walking away.

“Some days I really hate that man,” the doctor muttered.

****

Inara listened to the unnerving silence. She often rose early to enjoy the peace this time of morning afforded her, but today the quiet pressed in on her. Her thoughts were spinning, torn between worrying about their pending arrival at New Eden or fretting over Zoe. Inara preferred to think of neither, but her mind refused to listen. Needing a distraction, Inara tossed off the covers and rose, wincing as her recovering wound protested.

Simon was a talented doctor, fortunately, and the injury had been a relatively minor one as far as bullet holes went. She’d been chagrined to learn she had been at very little risk of dying, believing at the time that she’d received a potentially mortal wound. Instead, she was merely inconvenienced, the drugs in her system almost more of a bother than the wound itself.

The companion went through her morning ritual, hoping to calm her mind. She dressed as best as she was able, opting for comfort rather than style. Zoe had a way of making shirts like the linen one she’d chosen look good, but Inara felt nearly naked without the accoutrements she normally wore. The makeup she applied was light since she had no clients to impress. Her appearance and her injury both served to darken her mood as she prepared tea, breathing in the steam as the fragrant leaves steeped.

A knock on the exterior of her hatch made Inara pause. Drawing in a short breath, the companion grimaced at the pain, but refused to let it slow her down. Setting her tea on the table, she drew closer, wondering whom her early caller might be. “Who is it?”

“It’s River.”

Inara’s eyebrows lifted in surprise. She unlocked the hatch and threw the release to open it, watching as River appeared on the other side. The younger woman was perfectly still, standing framed by the doorway, almost the personification of the unsettled quiet that had woken Inara from her dreams.

“This is a surprise.” Inara motioned with her working arm for River to come inside and River did so, her brown eyes glancing around the room with interest.

“I… sensed you were up.”

“You sensed correctly.” Inara moved away from her to return to her tea. “Would you like a cup?”

River hesitated before jerking her head once in the affirmative. Inara was certain the other woman was being polite, but she went through the motions to give them both time to adjust to the younger Tam’s surprising presence.

River licked her lips nervously. “I hope this isn’t a bad time.”

“Yes,” Inara said drolly, “I have so many appointments on my calendar today.”

Smiling a little, River carefully sat down on the edge of the bed. “I’m sorry to bother you. I was hoping for some… advice.”

Inara suspected she’d just found the distraction her troubled mind needed. “Advice?” She glanced over her shoulder and smiled. “This wouldn’t have anything to do with a certain date, would it?”

River blinked in surprise and Inara reveled in a tiny thrill of victory. It was too rare to catch River unawares. She returned with a fresh cup of tea and handed it to the younger woman.

“Does the whole ship know?”

“It would be more of a surprise if they didn’t.”

Considering that, River had to nod in reluctant acceptance. Few secrets stayed that way for long in such close quarters. 

“You must be excited.”

“A little nervous,” River said quietly.

“Have you ever…?”

Big brown eyes captured Inara whole as they met her gaze. “No.” River took a sip of her tea. “To whatever question you were about to ask.”

Reaching out, Inara let her hand drift through River’s untamed hair. The younger woman seemed mildly embarrassed, but Inara knew she had no reason to be. A thread of anger at the Alliance lanced through her. They’d taken so much more than any of them would ever realize from this girl, would take even more if they ever got their hands on her again.

“Is that what you wanted my advice about?” Inara offered a worldly smile. “In my line of work, I could give you plenty.”

River shook her head, her cheeks noticeably reddening. “I… I’m not really worried about that. I trust Sarah completely.”

“That’s a very important part of it.” Inara actually envied River. Her relationship with Sarah defied the odds, but was as real and solid as the ship around them. She could almost feel it, the chemistry that bound them, two halves of the same soul. That they had managed to find one another, in spite of the Alliance, in spite of the whole ‘verse, was a miracle. Inara could barely comprehend it. She studied the younger woman’s bent head, wondering how hard she should push. “But if you want any… tips… for being with a woman…”

River looked up at her again, curiosity raging in her eyes, but any questions she might have had went unspoken.

“You know I’ve been with women before.”

Swallowing, River nodded. “I know, but… that’s not why I’m here.”

Inara tilted her head, her own curiosity blazing. Neither River nor Sarah were exactly talkers. So much of their relationship was unknown to the crew, but that hadn’t stopped them from speculating. Inara had enjoyed more than one chat with Kaylee over the subject. “Whatever the reason, mei-mei, you can talk to me.”

“I… I don’t know what to wear.”

It was Inara’s turn to blink. Of all the possible topics she thought they might discuss, this one hadn’t been on the list.

“I mean… you’re supposed to dress up, right? Look nice?”

“River.” Inara turned and set her own tea aside before glancing back at the young woman. “I imagine whatever you wear, Sarah will love it.”

“But I… I wanted to…” River glanced away.

Slowly, Inara smiled, flattered that River had sought her out. “You want to make an impression.”

River’s blush deepened, charming Inara to her toes.

“Make Sarah’s breath catch? Make it so she can’t keep her hands off you?” the companion teased with affection.

River gave her a pleading look. Inara laughed lightly, looking forward to the next few hours immensely.

“I think I can help with that.”

****

Sarah eyed the empty copilot’s chair. The last time she’d seen River was hours ago when the Operative had explained what they could expect upon their arrival on New Eden. They would be boarded. Their weapons confiscated. The crew would then be divided and “encouraged” to take a physical exam and psych evaluation before being released into the general population. Idly, Sarah wondered if Jayne would pass.

The whole process was a pain in the ass, but Sarah understood the need for it. They didn’t want to turn someone loose who might have ulterior motives for being there, and they sure as hell didn’t want sickness sweeping through the territories. So everyone had to undergo intake at least once, whether they liked it or not.

The crew had been uneasy at the details, but not River. She seemed to have other things on her mind, but she’d still been attentive to Sarah, threading her arm through the pilot’s and leaning her head on Sarah’s shoulder. River had even pressed a kiss to her cheek when they’d all gone about their separate ways. Sarah had expected the younger woman to follow her to the bridge, but when she’d looked back for her in the corridor, River had vanished. 

Her attention drifted to the empty copilot’s chair again. If all went well, they would have their date tonight and maybe more. Sarah was fairly certain she had all her plans in place, having sent communiqués along several days prior to make the arrangements. She just wanted this night with River to be perfect. River deserved so much more than she could give her, but the younger woman had chosen her, and Sarah was damn well going to spend her life trying to be worthy of that gift.

If she was nervous, River was undoubtedly more so. Sarah eyed the copilot’s seat for a moment longer before unbuckling her harness and starting to rise. If River was avoiding her out of nervousness or embarrassment, Sarah wanted to make sure she set the other woman’s mind at ease.

She glanced at the viewport. They were due to arrive at New Eden within the hour. No doubt their escorts had already been dispatched to intercept them. Sarah knew her place was at her post, but her heart wouldn’t listen. Standing, she turned to go, hoping she could seek out River quickly to make sure she was okay, but Sarah drew up short when she came face to face with the Operative.

“It appears we are close.”

The pilot’s jaw clenched, her hand drifting to rest on her sidearm. “I don’t believe I invited you on to my bridge.”

The Operative ignored her, his gaze fixed on the viewport and the stars beyond. “Come now. We are all on the same side, Sarah.”

“Don’t call me that. You haven’t earned the right.”

He turned and looked at her, quietly assessing, before he dipped his head in acknowledgment. “Fair enough.”

Moving away, he drew closer to the viewport, clasping his hands behind his back. Sarah noticed that he had showered and shaved before changing into an old set of clothes that didn’t quite fit. Something Mal must have given him in his fit of insanity when he’d allowed the bastard to roam the ship.

“It will be good to be home,” he said quietly, the longing in his voice striking a cord that made Sarah uncomfortable. The last thing she wanted was to see him as anything resembling human.

“Do they know?” Curiosity begged that she ask the question.

“Know?” He turned to look at her again.

“On New Eden. Do they know you’re coming?”

“I have been gone for some time. Tracking Malcolm and his crew.” He smiled. “I imagine they are expecting me every moment of every day.”

“But they don’t know you’re aboard Serenity.”

“No.” He studied her for a moment and she willed herself to meet his gaze unflinchingly. In doing so, she could see something in his eyes, something he wanted to share but wasn’t sure he should. Sarah braced herself, not sure she wanted to know, but needing to as well. 

“What?” she demanded. “Whatever it is you want to say, just say it.”

The Operative smiled. “As astute as you are beautiful.”

Sarah’s hand tightened on the butt of her weapon and the Operative chuckled. After a moment, his smile slowly faded. “I’ve kept the crew of Serenity from knowing about New Eden for a reason.” 

“You thought they would draw unwanted attention.” Sarah had heard the excuses from Brandon and several others over the last three years.

“Yes, but that was not the whole reason.”

Sarah hated breathing the same air as him, but he had intel she needed to know. As long as he was in a sharing mood, she wasn’t going to waste her chance. “And what would that be?”

He cocked his head. “You love her, yes? River Tam?”

The question caught her off-guard, rattled her cage. “That’s none of your goram business.”

“It is, in more ways than you can imagine.”

Sarah drew closer, going nearly toe-to-toe with him. “You stay the hell away from River.”

Lifting his hands in a silent gesture of surrender, the former Operative shook his head. “Please, Connor, do not mistake my questions or answers as a threat. Despite what you think of me, I want only the best for River. I always have.”

Her temper frayed and Sarah shoved him. He must have expected it, centering himself somehow, because he only took a step back. “You hunted her down! You damn near got her killed!”

“At the time, I believed that was best, but I have always seen River for what she is.”

“And what’s that?” Sarah snarled.

“A savior.”

Sarah blinked, not sure how to answer.

“To the Alliance, she was the perfect weapon. To have her… to harness her gifts… what little was left of the Resistance would have been useless. Unity would finally have been achieved. Peace would have reigned.” He looked back at the viewport while Sarah silently seethed behind him. “I know now that one man’s peace is another’s hell. Malcolm showed me that. The only way any soul can find a perfect world is create it for himself.”

“River is more than a weapon.”

“Indeed.” He turned again, his eyes alive and almost fevered. “Indeed she is. To the Resistance… she is a beacon. She is hope. A prayer answered.” He stepped closer. “That’s why I ask. Do you love her?”

Sarah swallowed, compelled to answer. “You know I do.”

“Would you die for her?”

“Without hesitation.”

His gaze searched hers before he finally nodded. “She will need you. In the battles ahead. You ground her. Give her clarity. Give her a reason to fight.”

“The feeling is mutual.”

“I know.” He smiled again, softly this time. “And that is the other reason I have kept Serenity from finding out about New Eden’s whereabouts or existence before now.”

Sarah’s brow furrowed in confusion, but something in her stomach clenched and went cold.

When the proximity alarm sounded, signalling the arrival of the escort ships from New Eden, the Operative looked almost disappointed. “I am afraid we will have to continue this conversation later.”

Sarah held her ground, placing her hand on his chest to keep him from leaving. “We’ll continue it now. What does all of this have to do with River?” Something told her she couldn’t let him walk away without his answer. Knowing it was vital. 

The Operative came closer, forcing Sarah to drop her hand as he intruded into her space. “I think you know. In your heart… perhaps even in the back of your mind… you know.” His voice had deepened, taking on a tone that sounded almost apologetic. “River will lead us into war.”

****

TBC


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter than usual update, but I'm already working on the next one. Hope you like it.

Kaylee boxed up the last of her tools, her hands shaking as she closed the lid. Everything in Serenity’s engine room was in its proper place, the place neater and tidier than it had been in years. She stood, her gaze sweeping over the engine as it slowed, spinning sluggishly down. Soon the reverse thrusters would fire as Connor brought them in for a landing. Kaylee took a deep breath, seeking comfort in the familiar smells of engine oil and metal. She wasn’t sure she would ever see this space again and she didn’t want to forget any of it. More than anywhere she’d ever known, this room was her home.

Drawing close to the engine, Kaylee patted the surface as it spun lazily now, the floor beneath her shuddering as they passed through New Eden’s atmosphere. “Love you, girl,” she breathed. “We’ll be back soon.” Kaylee hoped that wasn’t a lie.

When she turned, Simon was waiting for her, a small, timid smile on his face. “You ready?”

“As I’m ever gonna be.” Kayla took the hand he offered, leaving a piece of her heart behind, a piece she dearly hoped she would reclaim later. “What do you think is gonna happen now?”

Simon shook his head. “I don’t know.”

“But everything will change, won’t it?”

Stepping closer, Simon’s hand drifted through Kaylee’s hair before gently cupping the side of her face. “Not everything,” he promised, and Kaylee rewarded him with a faint, charmed smile.

“I guess we wait, huh?” Kaylee wrapped her arms around him and held on.

“We wait,” Simon agreed, placing his chin on her hair and holding her tightly. “Won’t be long now.”

****

The reverse thrusters fired and Zoe shifted her balance with practiced ease, used to the pitch and yaw of Serenity as the ship eased in for a landing. She barely broke her stride as she headed for the cargo bay, determined to meet New Eden’s welcoming committee as they came aboard. The crew had been told to stick to their quarters or stations, but if death was waiting for them when the cargo bay door dropped, she wanted to get her licks in first. Dying didn’t worry her much these days, but she’d be damned if she just rolled over for the Operative’s men.

Speaking of the devil, he was waiting in the center of the cargo bay, his hands linked loosely behind him, awaiting his homecoming. He had showered and cleaned up his attire since she’d last seen him, cutting a more authoritative figure than before. The sight of him still made her sick, still made the memories of Wash as fresh as the day she lost him, but she was getting strangely used to the sensations he stirred in her. Apparently almost anything could be made more palatable with time and repeated exposure.

He turned toward her, his gaze dipping to the shotgun in her hands before drifting to the revolver at her hip. “Those will be confiscated,” he said by way of greeting.

“We’ll see.”

He smiled at her defiance, seemingly charmed by it. Zoe wondered if he’d still grin if she rammed the butt of her shotgun into his face.

The ship touched down, light and easy, as the thrusters quieted into nothing.

“Your pilot has the touch.” He sounded impressed, but something in his eyes made Zoe pause. The Operative almost looked sad when he spoke of Connor, and Zoe’s stomach clenched and went cold. She adjusted the grip on her shotgun, starting to suspect she might actually have to use it.

A grinding noise drew Zoe’s attention heavenward. Inara’s hatch spun open, offering the barest glimpse of wine-colored silk inside the companion’s shuttle, but it was River who surprisingly emerged. The companion followed, looking tired to Zoe’s eyes, but she was still a welcome sight. They hadn’t seen one another since Inara had woken in the infirmary. She’d opened her eyes to find Zoe beside her, but before either of them could speak, Mal had arrived, interrupting whatever moment they’d been about to share. Inara had hunkered down in her shuttle and largely avoided the crew ever since. More than once, Zoe had gone by the companion’s shuttle to check on her, but she’d never brought herself to knock.

On the catwalk, Inara lingered as River descended, her gaze capturing Zoe’s for a charged moment. Finally, a timid smile emerged, and Zoe returned it before she could think better of it.

River reached the cargo bay floor, her gaze greeting Zoe warmly before cooling and shifting to the Operative. Barely taking a step toward them, River abruptly pulled up, a frown marring her younger features. Without a word, River changed direction, heading for the bridge.

“Amazing,” the Operative murmured. “How in tune she and Sarah are. How connected.”

“They’re none of your goram business.” Zoe’s unease intensified, and she glared at him until he looked away, focusing on the cargo bay door.

Inara finished her descent, drifting toward Zoe but giving the Operative a wary eye. “Is this the part where we all die in a blaze of glory?” Her tone was cheeky, but Zoe didn’t miss the undercurrent of worry.

“Doubt it.” Zoe took the other woman in, her gaze raking over Inara’s frame and accessing her condition. She was pleased by what she saw. “They wanted us dead, they’d have shot us out of the sky on approach.”

“Comforting,” Inara drawled.

Zoe snorted, but Inara’s presence and humor eased some of her own anxiety. “You should stay on your shuttle.”

“I’m fine right here.” Inara came closer, carefully putting her hand on Zoe’s arm as her gaze dipped to the shotgun she carried. “You think you’ll need that?”

“Suppose we’re gonna find out.” Zoe swallowed at the companion’s touch, which lingered. “You okay?”

Inara took a deep breath even though it looked uncomfortable to do so. “More inconvenienced than anything.” She studied Zoe closely. “I’ve been hoping you’d stop by.”

“Wasn’t sure I’d be…” Zoe bit off the truth with the Operative present. He didn’t appear to be listening, but she didn’t doubt for a second he was.

“You’re always welcome in my chambers.”

Zoe didn’t miss the double meaning in Inara’s words, and she couldn’t deny the heat that pooled in her stomach at the thought. “I’ll remember that.”

“Please do.”

As usual, Mal interrupted their moment. He arrived in the cargo bay, his brown coat billowing behind him as he entered at a brisk pace. The captain drew up short when he saw he wasn’t alone.

“Am I late to the party?” Mal glanced at Zoe, arching an eyebrow.

“I’d say you’re just in time, Captain.” The Operative pressed a button on the console and the cargo bay door groaned and clanged as it was released.

Zoe watched the door descend, her hair stirred by a sweet-smelling breeze that drifted inside. Instinctively, she stepped forward, making sure she was between any threat and Inara. The companion noticed, placing her hand in the small of Zoe’s back and rubbing gently.

Mal uttered a soft expletive when they saw the small contingent of soldiers waiting for them. All of them were young and armed to the teeth, but it was the brown coats they wore that stole the breath from Zoe’s lungs. The sight of them stirred memories like hornets, dredging up a past that still stung.

“Got ‘em a good tailor,” Mal murmured, but Zoe didn’t miss the way his throat moved convulsively, his memories a mirror of her own.

Four soldiers broke off from the others, climbing the ramp and offering a quick salute to the Operative who returned it with less precision.

“Welcome home, Sir.” The only woman in the group drifted closer to Operative, her olive skin unlined and smooth, her blue eyes striking. Zoe put her age around 20, remembering many such baby-faced recruits. Hell, she’d been one of them once.

“Thank you, Sergeant Parsa. I trust you will be respectful of our guests and their property.”

“Of course, Sir. The Endurance has arrived and her crew is going through intake. The captain has requested a moment with you.”

“I am sure he has.” The Operative turned his head and looked at Mal. “We will be seeing each other again soon, Captain Reynolds.”

“Gee. Can’t wait.”

The soldier glanced askance at Mal, barely keeping a look of horror off her face at his disrespect of her commanding officer.

The Operative dipped his head before glancing at Inara and Zoe. “I sincerely hope you enjoy your time on New Eden.”

Neither of them smiled in return as they watched him walk away a free man.

The soldier stepped in front of Zoe before motioning for two other men to search the ship. The third remained with her. “I’ll need you to surrender your weapons, please.”

Zoe glanced down at her shotgun before looking at Mal. He pursed his lips but slowly nodded, urging her to comply.

“Do I get it back?”

Sergeant Parsa blinked. “Of course, ma’am. When you depart New Eden all your weapons will be returned to you. We’ll even have them cleaned and serviced while they are in our care.”

“How… hospitable.” Inara’s touch eased up Zoe’s back in wordless comfort.

With a sigh, Zoe unloaded the shotgun before handing it over. She did the same with her revolver. The other soldier stepped forward and frisked her, his touch clinical but thorough. When he was finished, he gave her a brisk nod of approval and moved to Inara as Sergeant Parsa approached Mal and began to relieve him of his weapons.

Watching the soldier as he patted down Inara was an exercise in restraint. Zoe could plainly see he was being careful of her injuries, that the young man was just doing his job, but she wanted to growl at the sight of his hands on her. For her part, Inara weathered the indignity of his search stoically, wincing only once as he searched her sling.

“Apologies, ma’am,” he said. His sincerity was the only thing that kept Zoe from punching him.

“It’s alright.” Inara smiled at him and he actually blushed. Zoe rolled her eyes, wondering if there was a person with a pulse that was immune to the companion’s charms.

“We done?” Mal’s tone was curt.

“Yes, Sir.” Sergeant Parsa motioned at the landing bay. “Please step through those doors. You’ll be required to clear intake. It’s a simple physical exam. Then you’ll be given access to explore all non-restricted areas at your leisure.”

“Non-restricted?” Inara asked.

“Some areas are off limits to all but the military only, ma’am, but you’ll largely have access to everything else.”

“Isn’t everyone military?” Zoe watched as the third soldier left them and headed into the bowels of the ship.

“No, ma’am. Military needs more than just soldiers.” She offered them a smile, and Zoe was struck by just how young the soldier was again. The woman might have been River’s age, but the wisdom that came from hard experience was missing in her eyes. “You’ll see. Welcome to New Eden. We’ve long hoped you’d join us here.”

Zoe took a deep breath, realizing Serenity and her crew were not strangers to these people. She didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing. “Thank you, Sergeant.”

Anything else Zoe might have said was cut off by Jayne’s voice booming through the ship and echoing through the cavernous cargo bay. “Vera is my girl. Ain’t nobody takin’ my girl!”

The crew stood by awkwardly, none of them moving to intervene. Jayne finally appeared on the catwalk, struggling with two soldiers over his weapon.

“Jayne…” Mal drew the name out, “give ‘em your gun. That’s an order.”

“Over my dead body!” Jayne shouted.

The third soldier stepped up behind the mercenary and placed a small, square-like device against his neck. A loud zap followed as Jayne’s eyes rolled back up in his head and he dropped like a sack of dirt on the catwalk, making it rattle.

“He dead?” Mal called up to them with a complete lack of concern.

On cue, the mercenary began to snore.

“Pity.” Mal glanced at the others. “Shall we, ladies?”

Inara shook her head and moved past them both, breezing past the remaining contingent of soldiers lingering on the landing bay. All of the soldiers turned their heads as she walked by.

“Has an effect, don’t she?” Mal said with a hint of pride before he followed.

“That she does,” Zoe had to agree. “That she does.”

****

Sarah sat at the helm, her gaze on the landing bay but seeing nothing. The Operative had left her stunned and mute with his insights on River, and Sarah was just thankful she’d gotten them on the ground in one piece as distracted as she’d been.

No doubt River sensed her upset and would seek her out soon. There was no way to hide it from the other woman, not when it was this overwhelming. Hands shaking so hard she could barely unbuckle her harness, Sarah swore at Fate and gods she no longer believed in. Her son. Her family. How much more would she have to sacrifice to war?

River would lead the rebellion. It seemed so obvious now that Sarah couldn’t fathom how she never saw it before. It wasn’t the life she wanted for her lover. River had already been through too damn much. Leading the resistance was a responsibility few could shoulder and survive. For a soul as sensitive as River, it would break her.

“No.”

Sarah drew in an aching breath and looked up, finding River beside her and no longer a figment of her thoughts. Not sure what to say, she dropped her gaze.

“No,” River repeated before she sunk down on one knee. “I won’t break.”

Sarah looked at her again, alarmed River had read her mind. “You…”

“Not with you beside me. I won’t. I can’t.”

“You knew,” Sarah whispered, not sure if she was angry or devastated or both. “All this time… you knew.”

River’s gaze held Sarah’s, but the pilot could see the sadness in River’s eyes, the acceptance of her fate.

“Goram it, River.” Sarah’s voice broke.

Warm hands eased over Sarah’s arm and held on. “It doesn’t change anything.”

“It changes everything!” Sarah shook her head, angry at River for being so calm when all Sarah could see was the future she craved for them coming apart at the seams. “Why? Why didn’t you tell me?”

River took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Would it have changed the way you feel about me? About us?”

Sarah searched her face, the answer clear as soon as River asked the question. She swallowed. “No,” she admitted the truth to herself as much as to River. Whatever their fate was, Sarah knew it lie together. “Did you know… when we first met…?”

“I don’t know everything. I can’t see everything.” River eased onto her knees, settling closer. Serenity vibrated beneath them as the cargo bay door came down. They’d only have a few minutes more alone. “I never saw you coming.” Now River smiled. “You were just… something I dreamed about… something I never thought I’d have.”

Sarah shook her head. “And leading… leading all of us…”

“I didn’t know what my role would be for a long time. I only knew I played one.” River looked at her hand where it had drifted up to cover Sarah’s heart. “After the Operative came aboard, after I realized the war had already started… it was the only role for me that made sense.”

Jayne started yelling and River glanced behind them.

“River…”

“It’s not just me that leads, Sarah. It’s us. Together.”

“I’m not a leader.”

“Neither am I.” River’s smile was tenuous. “But we’re going to have to learn. When I’m with you, I feel like I could take on the entire Alliance and win.”

“I don’t want this for you.” Sarah let her fingers trail along River’s temple. “You deserve better. You’ve already done enough.”

“So have you.” River toyed with the locket at Sarah’s throat. “You’ve already lost more than most. I won’t ask you to stay, but it is your fate. When Parliament hunted Sarah Connor across the ‘Verse, they weren’t looking for you, but they should have been. Just as I see glimmers of my future, I’ve seen yours.”

“What do you see?” Sarah was captivated by an intensity she’d never seen in River’s eyes before.

“They thought Sarah Connor was a threat to them before.” River leaned forward, her forehead touching Sarah’s as they breathed the same air. “They had no idea.”

The idea was both terrifying and perversely pleasing. Thin bands of fear and sorrow that had gripped Sarah at the Operative’s words slowly began to turn her loose. “Will we win?”

River’s lips lifted at the corners with a trace of a smile that never fully formed. “I don’t know. But even if we lose, you and I have won. We found each other, even after everything they’ve done, they couldn’t keep us apart.”

Leaning in, River’s mouth brushed over Sarah’s. In the crew quarters behind them, footsteps sounded on the catwalk as the soldiers drew closer. Sarah kissed River harder, promising everything without saying a word.

TBC


	39. Chapter 39

Intake hadn’t been what River expected. A brief psych evaluation. A physical with a round of shots to protect the local population. She’d been assigned a number, remaining nameless through the exams, her mind and body catalogued and filed away for later study. The whole process had stirred memories of the Academy, and River knew the doctors and nurses she’d just left behind understood her scars and where they’d come from. There were others here. Others like her. If she hadn’t been so focused on Sarah and the day that lie ahead for them, she might have pursued that knowledge further, but for now, her curiosity would have to wait.

Sarah had been allowed to stay with her through most of it, but the psych evaluation was deemed too personal and Sarah had been banished from the room. The doctors didn’t understand that she and Sarah had no secrets. Sarah knew her completely in a way the doctors never would, never could. 

Even though River had been just a number to them, she knew some of them recognized her. She’d heard the whispers. Felt the excitement and the hint of fear her presence caused. They, and many more like them, had been waiting for her arrival. Now that she was here, the coming war was more real. More imminent. But River had other matters to attend to first. 

River found Sarah in the hall, her gaze on the world beyond the window she was leaning against. The sun caught in Sarah’s hair and gently lit her profile, and River took a long moment to simply admire her, to marvel that this woman loved her. 

War, and the people ready to fight it, would just have to wait.

Sarah’s features were serious, her thoughts turned inward. River could imagine what was on her mind, and she felt marginally guilty, but this was their day, and nothing was going to spoil it. Coming closer, River waited for Sarah to detect her presence. It didn’t take long. A few more steps and Sarah turned, her green eyes fastening on her instantly. River savored the jolt deep in her guts as their gazes met, the hunger she couldn’t deny for the other woman making her skin tingle in anticipation.

Sarah’s right eyebrow lifted. “Wonder what you’re thinking about?” she teased, but her eyes had darkened noticeably, lingering on River with open appreciation. 

“Is it that obvious?” River finally reached her, sliding her hands over the cotton of Sarah’s shirt and relishing the heat of her waist.

“Even if I couldn’t pick up on your feelings from time to time, the look you’re giving me right now…” River’s hormones went haywire at the soft and sensual curve of Sarah’s mouth as she smiled.

“I’m not sorry.”

Sarah cocked her head and gave her a look. Around them, soldiers and medical personnel came and went, but the couple ignored them, basking in their feelings for one another and the warmth from the late morning sun.

“You going to do this all day?” Sarah’s voice had deepened, sounding husky to River’s ears. It made her feel funny all over.

“Do what?”

“Get us both keyed up?”

Now River smiled, realizing how acutely Sarah was feeling her desire as well as her own. “It’s not like we won’t get to do something about it later, right?” River kissed her, gasping softly in surprise as Sarah unexpectedly let her in, let her feel all of the other woman’s need for her.

A throat cleared behind them and they separated reluctantly. Simon looked flustered and embarrassed, but Kaylee was grinning like a fool.

“You two are so gosh darn pretty together. Ain’t they?” Kaylee looked at her fiancé who was turning redder by the moment.

Simon nodded briskly. “Lovely.” He looked out the window. “Seems nice beyond the facility,” he offered, clearly wanting to change the subject.

River leaned into Sarah, tucking her head against the pilot’s shoulder. For her brother’s sake, she dialed back her craving for the other woman, but only so much. She liked the tease too much to stop entirely, the anticipation a sweet kind of torture. “Where will we go?”

Sarah’s hand drifted up River’s spine before resting on her shoulder, sending tingles all over her skin. “Shiloh. It’s a small town a few miles from the facility. Far enough away but close enough to have access to the ship.” Sarah smiled at Kaylee. “You’ll like it. Beautiful views of the mountains. Lots of good food.”

“You had me at food.”

Simon shared a shy glance with Sarah before turning his attention on his sister. This was hard for him, letting her go, trusting her in someone else’s hands, but River loved him even more for trying.

“Sounds nice.”

“As long as there is dancing,” River added.

Kaylee shook her head. “What a surprise.”

“There will be dancing,” Sarah promised, and River inhaled sharply as she experienced a sharp pang of lust from the pilot. She glanced at Sarah, pleading for a little mercy while her brother was standing there, but the smile she got in return suggested Sarah was in no mood to comply.

“We ready to head out?” Simon asked, deliberately looking anywhere else.

“Gotta wait for the others.” Kaylee gave him a mildly reproachful look.

“Let’s go find them.”

Kaylee yelped in surprise as Simon grabbed her hand and jerked her away. They could hear her chastising him until they rounded the corner.

“That was mean.” River lifted her head to scold Sarah further only to be met with a kiss that curled her toes. When Sarah pulled away a few moments later, River’s body ached for the other woman.

“No, that was mean,” Sarah purred before stepping away. “Two can play your little game.”

River watched her saunter away, following belatedly behind Simon and Kaylee. For a moment, she couldn’t even move, too overwhelmed to think. Her mind nearly giddy with possibilities for their night together, River finally trailed after them, a silly smile on her face for this new world to see.

**** 

Inara was waiting when she stepped out of intake. For a woman of action, Inara had the odd of effect of rendering Zoe in a seemingly permanent state of indecisiveness. The companion was merely standing there, a small bag with some apparent personal items at her feet. Chivalry took over, giving Zoe the motivation to act. “You shouldn’t be carrying that.”

“I was hoping you wouldn’t mind.” Inara shifted her sling for emphasis, and Zoe had the sinking sensation she’d just been played.

“How are you feeling?” Zoe grabbed the leather handle and scooped up the bag, surprised to find it heavier than it looked.

“They gave me some other drugs, along with my inoculation.” Inara glanced down at her right arm, which sported a small bandage. Zoe had one to match. “They are a bit more potent than what Simon prescribed.”

“You feelin’ woozy?”

Inara looked at her then, a tiny smirk on her lips. “Not from any drugs,” she teased.

Zoe swallowed, feeling played again but not really minding. Maybe it was the fresh air making her impulsive, but Zoe found herself gazing openly at Inara’s attire, surprised at just how fetching the other woman could look in canvas pants and a loose linen shirt. “New look for you.”

Startled, albeit charmed, by Zoe’s appreciation, Inara shrugged. “It’s what all the fashionable but wounded companions are wearing these days.”

The morning sunlight dappled over them, highlighting dust motes that drifted lazily in the clean, pure smelling air, a refreshing difference from the metal and age inside Serenity. As much as Zoe loved and cherished her ship, it was nice to leave it sometimes. To remember how the sun felt on her skin. How the wind stirred her hair. She decided she might as well enjoy the moment with the companion for as long as it lasted.

They turned in tandem and began to walk down the hall, their footfalls muted on the pale tiles that gleamed in the light from the over abundance of windows. 

“What he’s built… it’s… impressive.” Inara glanced around the structure. It was solid but atheistically pleasing, wood tones no doubt masking the thick steel walls they’d glimpsed outside. “I have to say his team of doctors is very thorough. I’m sure Simon will be delighted.”

Zoe grunted. “Pains me to agree.” She took in the handful of sentries, all discreetly armed, but polite. “It’s going to gall the Alliance that they didn’t know about this place. Have to admit, that tickles me some.”

Inara smiled knowingly. “Imagine that.”

“You given thought to what you’ll do? If war comes?”

“Seems more a matter of when than if, doesn’t it?” Inara glanced at her askance.

“You supported unification…”

“A woman is entitled to change her mind.”

Zoe smiled thinly. “That mean you’ve changed yours?”

“What about you?” Inara neatly evaded the question. “You ready to fight again?”

“Never really stopped.”

Inara tipped her head in nonverbal agreement. “I’ll clarify. Are you prepared for another war?”

“Don’t think anyone can ever be prepared for that. No matter how much they try.” Zoe dipped her head at one of the soldiers who nodded respectfully in return as he passed. “You can train and train and train. Nothing prepares you for the battlefield. The way it smells. The way it sounds. All that dyin’.”

Inara’s gaze was intent on Zoe’s profile, but the companion remained silent. 

“Honestly, part of me wants to walk away. Turn and find a corner of the ‘Verse to hole up in and hope it all passes me by.”

“Why don’t you?” The companion’s voice held no judgment.

“I can’t.” Zoe stopped walking, accepting the truth at last. “I just… can’t.” She struggled to explain, lapsing into silence when warm fingers wrapped around her wrist, sending small, delicious licks of fire up Zoe’s arm.

“You’re not wired that way,” Inara agreed. “And I’m selfishly glad for it. We need people like you. Brave. Loyal.”

Zoe didn’t think she was either these days, the ‘Verse determined to test her in all manner of ways lately. “I’m sorry you got hurt,” she said after a moment, figuring it needed to be said.

“It wasn’t your fault. You told me to stay in my shuttle after all.”

“If we hadn’t gone for Jayne…”

Inara’s right arm threaded through Zoe’s left. The companion had done this many a time before. Touch was her way of expressing herself, and Zoe had always found it amusing and oddly charming, but this felt different. It was more… intimate. Zoe was damn sure she’d never paid much attention to the heat coming off the other woman’s body before.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Inara said again with more conviction, tugging Zoe along so they resumed walking. “Blame Jayne. Or blame Mal, that’s what I always do.”

At the mention of Mal’s name, Zoe started to pull away only to be held fast by the companion. If she tried any harder to extract herself, Zoe knew she’d hurt her, and Inara was undoubtedly taking advantage of that fact.

“Stop trying to bolt like a spooked rabbit every time I mention him.”

“Inara…”

“We’re two friends conversing. Nothing more.”

A lot went unsaid in that simple declaration. Zoe wasn’t sure if she should be ashamed, relieved, or disappointed. She sighed. “He’s my captain. My friend.” There were no more words to adequately explain her bond to him so she didn’t try.

“And you’ve done nothing to change that.”

“Haven’t I?” Zoe asked quietly, not sure of the answer.

Inara stopped walking again, forcing Zoe to do the same. “Have you?”

“Maybe not yet,” Zoe admitted after some thought.

“Yet?” The corner of Inara’s mouth curved in another slight smirk and her dark eyes sparkled. “That sounds encouraging.”

Zoe shook her head, taken with the companion’s persistence in spite of herself. “You don’t know when to quit.”

“Something we have in common.”

They stared at each other.

“Winning you over as a friend is something I consider to be one of my life’s most impressive accomplishments,” Inara said after a moment, an edge of droll humor in her voice belying her seriousness. “Whatever we are, whatever we might or might not become, Zoe, I’m not losing your friendship. It means too much to me.”

Zoe dipped her head, trying to make sense of her jumbled emotions. “I know how it feels to love the way he does. You don’t turn your back on that. Mal is a damn fool…”

“No.” Inara’s voice was oddly faint in lieu of the declaration. “It was the most selfless thing he’s ever done. We didn’t work, Zoe. We loved each other, but we didn’t work. Mal had courage where mine failed.”

“He still loves you,” Zoe protested.

“I know.” Inara swallowed and stepped closer. “But the more we hang on to the things that can never be, the more we will never know the things we are meant for.” She stared into Zoe’s eyes, pleading. “Think about that. For both of us.” Inara kissed her gently, chastely, before slipping the bag from Zoe’s nerveless fingers and walking ahead. 

****

On the surface, New Eden appeared to be everything Mal had ever dreamed about. The facility where they’d landed was huge, teaming with well-disciplined soldiers. Supplies were plentiful. Ships were docked all around them, armed to the teeth and gleaming. The Resistance would have paid serious coin for even one of those ships during the war, often settling for whatever they could find and strap a gun on.

The Alliance had them all outmanned and outgunned from the beginning. This time, though, this time Mal wondered if it might be different. Excitement and expectation stirred in him at the thought of putting the Alliance down for good.

“You are impressed.”

Mal shrugged as the Operative appeared seemingly from thin air and drew closer, sharing the captain’s view of the landing bay below. Mal put his hands on his hips, missing the weight of his gun.

“Suppose. If you’re into this sort of thing.”

The Operative smiled before his features grew serious. “I built all of this for you, Malcolm.”

“Shouldn’t have. Can’t say I swing that way. Nice gesture, though.”

Chuckling, an odd sound Mal never expected to hear, the Operative shook his head. “You know perfectly well what I mean, Captain. You made me see the error of my ways. You helped me learn that one man’s peace is another man’s prison.”

Mal said nothing, his gaze on the blue sky and the line of mountains he could see in the distance. It reminded him of a home he never thought of anymore, one he’d believed he would never see again. It was beautiful.

“Soldiers like you… like Zoe and Brandon, you know peace comes from within. A man can only be controlled for so long before he rebels.”

“You didn’t seem to have a problem being controlled.” Mal looked at him then. “Never batted an eye about the people you killed. The lives you destroyed.” He thought about Book dying in his arms. His friend had told him to believe in something, had needed him to with a desperation Mal had never been able to shake. He wanted to believe in this, in New Eden, but the fates were damn cruel to deliver it to him with the Operative as messenger. Somewhere, Book was laughing at him.

“I was asleep. Now I am awake.” The Operative looked at him serenely. “Would you like to see more?”

Mal itched to take him up on the offer, but he wouldn’t give the other man the satisfaction. Not yet. “Where is the rest of my crew?”

“I imagine they are finishing intake by now. Everyone goes through the process individually.”

“Not everyone.” They’d been separated from the start, leaving only Connor and River together. 

“Those two are the exception to every rule. Are they not?” the Operative asked, not even questioning who Mal meant. He handed the captain a small badge and instructed him to clip it to his belt. “This will get you through most of the facility and out into the towns beyond.”

“And my crew?”

“They will have similar freedoms. Except for Mr. Cobb. His… reluctance… to surrender his weapon has landed him in the medical facility. When he is sufficiently recovered, he will join you.”

“Fair enough.” Mal eyed the Operative, impressed in spite of himself. “So what do people call you around here? Still need a name.”

“I am usually called Commander.”

Grimacing, Mal shook his head. “Yeah. Ain’t gonna happen. I’ll think of something. Still think I like Chet.” He pivoted smartly on his boot heel and left, wandering down the nearest corridor.

****

The Operative didn’t bother to tell him he was going the wrong way. Malcolm Reynolds was a man who had to do things on his own terms. That was his idea of peace… of freedom. Far be it from him to stop the man.

“Commander?”

He turned to address the soldier who had approached, his brown uniform crisp and neat. “Yes?”

“Everyone from Serenity has cleared intake. They’ve been given badges and released. We offered them quarters in the facility…”

“But they refused.” He nodded. “Of course they did. Do not take it personally.”

“The pilot…” The soldier glanced down at a data pad. “Connor. She said she would take them into Shiloh.”

“Good choice. Leave them be for now. They will need a few days to adjust, and I believe some of them have been waiting for this day for a long time.” He turned to leave.

“Sir?”

Glancing back in faint surprise, he waited for the soldier to continue.

“Is that… is that really River Tam with them, Sir?”

A chill swept through him. “Yes.” Excitement bloomed in the soldier’s eyes and his unease only grew. “You are not to share with anyone that she is here, do you understand?” A small number had been made aware of her presence, but he had hoped to keep River’s arrival a secret for a day or so more. For her sake.

The soldier hesitated and the Operative clenched his jaw. Word of River’s arrival would spread like wildfire. Her revered status among the troops could cause complications for the young woman and her protector. “Whomever you have told, make sure it goes no further. Dismissed.”

“Yes, Sir!”

He watched the soldier hurry away. It appeared the chaos he’d known was coming would arrive sooner than planned. With Brandon aware of his former life and River’s presence planet-side, it seemed almost guaranteed.

As Malcolm Reynolds found new freedom, he might be about to lose his own. “Fair enough,” the former Operative echoed the captain’s words. “Fair enough.”

TBC


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. Had a wedding to plan. :) Before y'all throw things at me, the date is coming up in the next chapter. Promise!

The wood beneath her fingers was smooth and fresh, the tinge of sawdust still lingering in the air. Sarah brushed her hand over the surface again, marveling at the texture. The contrast between where she was now and the life she’d come to know was marked. Used to being surrounded, almost trapped, by the cold of space and the metal that shielded her from it, the wood warmed beneath her touch, creating an ache for a childhood she’d almost been able to forget.

She hadn’t had a home since, not really. Always on the move. Very little to call her own. Her jacket and her locket her only prized possessions. She’d never had anything like this, and Sarah was at a loss for what to do about it. 

Leaning back in her chair, Sarah took in the rest of the space, _her_ space, hers and River’s. The gifted cabin had been a surprise, one that had left Sarah instantly wary, but River had taken her hand and led her inside without hesitation, her giggles of delight making it hard for Sarah to keep her scowl in place for long. The rest of the crew had been given similar accommodations close by. More than just a place to rest their heads, New Eden had welcomed each of them with a place they could call home.

There was a beautiful woven rug on the floor. Curtains adorned the windows. It was all so domestic, so not her, and yet, Sarah found herself already growing fiercely protective of the space. The cabin was _theirs_ , and Sarah could sense her growing attachment after only a few short hours. She was disgusted by how easily she was giving in.

“Stop brooding.”

Sarah arched one eyebrow neatly. “Is that what I’m doing?”

River stepped out of the washroom, the sunlight dappling over her from the open window that let in the faint hints of jasmine and pine in the air. “It usually is,” she said, but with a smile to remove any sting from the rebuke. “We’re a part of this now,” she continued. “Makes sense they’d give us a place in it.”

“I have a place here.”

“In the barracks.”

“What’s wrong with that?” Sarah fidgeted, picking non-existent lint from her shirt before stroking the table again and finally tunneling her hand through her hair.

River’s smile softened and she drew closer, capturing Sarah’s full attention effortlessly. “Now you’re pouting.” 

“I don’t pout.”

Sliding one long leg over Sarah’s, River slowly straddled her lap, placing her arms on the pilot’s shoulders and linking her hands behind Sarah’s head. “I beg to differ,” she drawled, her warm brown eyes sparkling with mischief. 

The new cabin was nice, but home would always be wherever River was. With the younger woman’s warmth so intimately close, Sarah’s darker musings vanished, her mind and body interested in more of that heat. 

Her hand left the table and skimmed slowly, lightly up River’s spine before resting at the base of her neck. When River inhaled sharply, Sarah knew her unquenchable craving for the younger woman had not gone unnoticed. 

“Wonder what you’re thinking about,” River whispered, a raw edge to her voice. 

“I’d rather show you than tell you.” Sarah urged her closer, kissing her softly and then with more passion, easing upward to bring their bodies in contact, needing to feel more of her. 

River made a little sound in the back of her throat as Sarah’s body rubbed against hers, the kiss quickly spiraling out of their control as hands began to wander. She finally pulled away, as much from the need to breathe as to slow down what was happening, but the fingers of her right hand ghosted over Sarah’s lips before slipping down Sarah’s throat to rest at her pounding pulse point.

Sarah watched her, waiting. If River kissed her like that again their plans for the evening were going out the window and she was fine with that. They’d waited too long already. “You okay?” 

“Define okay,” River breathed, her gaze hungry when it met Sarah’s, nearly devouring the pilot whole. 

Hands resting now on River’s hips, Sarah drew her closer again, eliciting a soft, provocative gasp from the younger woman. River bit her lip and closed her eyes, shivering when Sarah’s thumbs stroked her hips. “Do you want me to stop?” Sarah purred against warm skin before trailing her mouth along River’s long neck, and nibbling lightly on the other woman’s ear. “All that teasing at the compound when we arrived. Is this what you wanted?” 

It was Sarah’s turn to gasp as River’s hips moved against her, grinding their bodies together. Before she could speak, River’s mouth crashed against hers and Sarah lost all control, all reason. There was only pleasure and the hunger for more of it. 

“Um… excuse me, ladies,” Kaylee’s voice drifted to them through the open window. “Hate to interrupt and all, but, you might wanna shut your window… Least for your brother’s sake.”

River laughed breathlessly against Sarah’s mouth and Sarah chuckled a little as well, easing some of the desperate tension between them. River met Sarah’s gaze apologetically before she eased off her lap and crossed to the window to offer Kaylee a quick wave. The mechanic winked from her position beside the porch before sauntering back toward her cabin. 

Sarah stood and joined her at the window, watching as River offered her mortified brother a small wave as well. She couldn’t help it, she laughed, and only laughed harder when Simon waved back and hurried away, quick to be anywhere but where he was. 

“Well that’s embarrassing,” River murmured, but there was a smile tugging at her lips. She looked at Sarah. “Sorry about that.”

“For leaving the window open or making me nearly forget all my romantic plans for you tonight?”

“Both?”

Sarah shook her head and blew out an uneven breath before letting her hand drift through River’s hair. “I should go if we’re going to wait.”

“Don’t think you can control yourself?” River teased, but she sounded breathless at the thought.

“I know I can’t.” Sarah’s thumb traced River’s cheekbone. “Think I’ve hit my breaking point.”

River swallowed hard. “You don’t have to go.”

Sarah glanced at the open window and smirked. “Just a few hours,” she promised. “I owe you dancing, and I’ve got a surprise for you that I’d love for you to see.”

“A surprise? What is it?”

“Wouldn’t be a surprise then, would it?” Sarah tapped her playfully on the nose and moved away from her with effort.

“Where are you going?” It was River’s turn to pout. Sarah suspected she looked infinitely cuter at it than she did.

“I need a haircut, and I need to make a few last minute arrangements for tonight.”

“You don’t have to go,” River said again.

Sarah sighed, tempted but resolute. “I think I should. The surprise only happens a few times a year here. Don’t want you to miss it.”

Slowly, River came closer until her fingers hooked the top of Sarah’s belt buckle and she tugged her closer. “But I’ll miss you…”

Sarah smiled, a rare, genuine grin that felt almost foreign on her features. After John she’d thought no one would ever make her smile like this again. She grabbed River’s hands to keep them from wandering. If the other woman started touching her again her willpower would evaporate. “River…”

River’s pout became more pronounced, but Sarah could sense she was giving ground. “You promise this surprise will be worth it?”

Stepping forward, Sarah kissed her. Softly, reverently. “I promise.”

Scowling, River finally let her go.

“Just be careful if you go wandering about. People know you here, River. You’ll cause a stir.”

“I’ll stick close,” she murmured, her gaze drifting toward Inara’s cabin before she fixed Sarah with a disgruntled expression. “Since I can’t convince you to stay.”

“I have no doubt whatsoever that you could easily convince me. I’m trying to give you a perfect first date, remember?”

River crossed her arms, an over-exaggerated frown on her features.

“Stop it.” Sarah chuckled before kissing her on the forehead and moving toward the door. She opened it, her legs still shaking from their encounter. “Don’t go looking for trouble." 

“Trouble usually comes looking for me.” River glanced outside again, her gaze lingering on Inara’s cabin. Sarah followed her line of sight, wondering what she was thinking.

 I’ll be back in a few hours.”

 "Better be.”

Sarah liked this impish side to River’s personality. She looked more relaxed than she’d ever seen her, even with the future of the resistance weighing on them both. “Promise.”

River’s eyes searched hers for a moment before a sudden, addictive warmth stole through Sarah’s body. The need to touch, to be touched, hit her hard all over again, and for a moment she was held captive by the spell River was casting over her. “Brat.” The word was whispered, Sarah’s hunger for the other woman making it hard to speak.

“Wanted to be sure you’d miss me.” River came closer, as if to kiss Sarah goodbye, but instead she merely closed the door on her, leaving the pilot achingly alone on the porch and reconsidering her life’s choices.

****

“You’re gonna have to get used to it, Simon.” 

“She’s my sister,” Simon nearly whined. “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to…” He made a motion with his right hand toward Sarah and River’s cabin. “Whatever we just heard.”

“Least here we got some privacy. On the ship…”

“Don’t remind me.”

Kaylee chuckled at his discomfort. Sometimes Simon was too tightly wound for his own good. Once in awhile that particular trait could be annoying. Times like these, though, it provided boundless amusement.

She was glad River had found someone who could love her just the way she was. It was a bonus that they’d gotten such a good pilot out of the deal, even if Connor did make a habit of trying to fly Kaylee’s ship apart. “I think they’re a good match.”

“Didn’t say they weren’t,” Simon admitted, “but I don’t need to hear them… matching.”

Kaylee laughed again, shaking her head at her fiancee. A soft breeze stirred her hair, just cool enough to feel good on her sun-warmed skin. The air was fresh and clean, tinged with a hint of pine and jasmine, and she breathed it in.

Kaylee loved Serenity. The ship was her home and owned a big part of her heart, but the fresh air, the heat of the midday sun, and the rustle of the leaves and grass were a welcome change of pace. It was good to be on solid ground for more than a day or so, especially as one as pretty as this.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Simon asked, glad to change the subject as he watched her with a fond smile as she reveled in their new surroundings.

“It’s one of the nicest planets I’ve ever seen.” Kaylee fixed him with a big grin. “Hard to believe this place looks like a big ole chunka rock from space.”

“It’s… pure. Been to a lot of planets both core and otherwise. I’ve never seen one this… new. The Operative must have started terraforming not long after he left us on Miranda.”

Mountains rimmed the valley they found themselves in, craggy and red in the sun and dusted with snow at their peaks. Nearby, a stream gurgled happily, flowing toward the base of the mountains and the ocean beyond.

“By the way the flowers are bloomin’, I’m guessin’ it’s spring.” Kaylee took another deep breath.

“Seems likely.”

“So what are you thinkin’ ‘bout all this?” Kaylee placed a shading hand over her eyes so she could see Simon better as he shrugged in reaction.

“I don’t know. On the surface… everything seems perfect.”

“Ain’t nothin’ perfect in the ‘Verse.”

“That’s what worries me. Seems almost too good to be true.” He sighed. “Still. That knot that’s been in my stomach ever since Nix has eased a little. That’s got to mean something.”

“What about the vials the cap’n found there?”

“Hidden.” Simon glanced around, making sure they were alone. “Hopefully the Operative’s soldiers won’t get too thorough in their search of the ship. One of those vials gets broken, this paradise is going to turn into a nightmare.”

The thought was beyond unsettling so Kaylee refused to dwell on it. “Suppose even if it all goes to hell at least we’ll have a nice tan.” Kaylee smiled and Simon chuckled.

“One of the things I love most about you is your ability to see good in just about everything.” He leaned over and kissed her, the scent of his aftershave alluring and familiar.

Kaylee’s grin grew in reaction. “So now what? Wanna walk around? Wanna go back inside?” Hearing Sarah and River had been arousing, but Kaylee suspected Simon was more turned off than on by what they’d overheard. She waggled her eyebrows at him anyway.

Before he could answer, Zoe stepped out of her quarters, drawing their attention. When their gazes met, she nodded respectfully before glancing at Inara’s door. Kaylee thought Zoe might actually stop by to talk to the companion, but instead Serenity’s second-in-command kept going, moving briskly toward Mal’s cabin some distance away.

“Somethin’ is up with them,” Kaylee muttered almost under her breath.

“Who?” Simon drew closer.

“Nara and Zoe. They been all weird ‘round each other as of late. Nara said they were havin’ a disagreement about somethin’.”

Simon’s brow furrowed, but he made no comment.

“You don’t think Zoe is fallin’ for Mal, do ya? That would be all kinds of awkward.”

Simon started to say something only to think better of it. He wiped a hand over his mouth. “That… would be awkward. I think Zoe has far more sense than that, however.”

“It’s just… they are close and all.” Kaylee continued to try to puzzle out the behavior. “Wouldn’t be a surprise.”

“Wouldn’t it?” Simon blurted.

As they watched, Mal stepped out of his quarters, meeting Zoe halfway. They exchanged a few words then headed off together.

“They’re up to somethin’ regardless,” Kaylee said, her gaze fixed on her friends’ backs as they made their way out of their loose circle of cabins and out onto the dirt road beyond.

“Aren’t they always?”

Kaylee ignored him. “Doubt Nara would be happy… watching Mal move on and all.”

Simon looked toward Inara’s cabin, spying the companion peeking out behind her curtains. She was watching Mal and Zoe as well, but after a moment she disappeared. The doctor cleared his throat. “Maybe Mal isn’t the one moving on,” he murmured thoughtfully, but Kaylee didn’t hear him.

Hearing another door close, Kaylee glanced toward Sarah and River’s cabin, curious to find Sarah alone on the porch. The pilot gave them an awkward wave before descending the steps and following Mal and Zoe’s path toward town. Behind her, Simon sighed in relief.

A few moments later, River emerged, a carefree smile on her features it did Kaylee’s heart good to see. River waved at them as well only with slightly more enthusiasm. As they watched, the younger Tam hopped barefoot off the porch, pausing to wiggle her toes in the lush grass before all but skipping toward Inara’s cabin.

“Speaking of being up to somethin’,” Kaylee drawled as River knocked on the companion’s door. River slipped inside, shutting the door behind her. Kaylee glanced back at Simon. “Wonder what that’s all about?”

“Some things a brother just doesn’t need to know,” Simon murmured before going back inside his own cabin.

****

A knock at the door had Inara smiling so wide it hurt. “Come in.”

The door creaked faintly as it opened, River appearing a second later. She looked happier than Inara had ever seen her, and the fact buoyed her own flagging emotions. “Mei-mei,” she greeted, gesturing River inside with her working arm. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

River closed the door and drifted closer, studying all the beautiful dresses Inara had laid out on the bed for her perusal. She touched a white one, her fingers skimming over the silk fabric with wonder. “These are for me?”

“These are for you.” Inara drew even with the younger woman, putting her hand on River’s shoulder. “See one you like?”

River’s fingers were drawn to the white one again, and Inara smiled, appreciating her taste. “I think that one could do the trick.”

“I don’t…” River trailed off shyly. “I could never wear something this beautiful.”

Inara gave her a disapproving frown. “Mei-mei,” she said again, “I promise, you’ll do any of these dresses justice.” She scooped the white one off the bed and held it up before River, determining what adjustments needed to be made. A proud smile shaped her lips now. “Definitely do it justice.”

“Thank you.” River’s voice was a near whisper.

Inara moved away, dress in hand. “Don’t thank me yet. We’re just getting started. Into the shower, young lady. Be sure to wash your hair with the shampoo and conditioners I’ve placed in there for you.”

River hesitated. “Um…”

“When you’re done, we’ll do a little trimming.”

“Trimming?” River’s fingers drifted to the ends of her hair and she studied the strands nervously. “I don’t…”

Inara draped the dress over the back of a chair before coming back, studying River in the sunlight pouring in through her windows. “And highlights. Definitely some highlights.” She turned away, grinning wickedly as she heard the younger Tam audibly swallow. “Shall we begin?”

****

Connor frowned when she saw Mal and Zoe ahead on the road leading into town. She’d intentionally slowed her steps, in no mood for Mal’s likely teasing. She just wanted to set her plans in motion for the evening so she could get back to River. If she caught up to the pair, she’d more than likely be drawn into some ill-advised caper as the captain went looking for trouble and Zoe did her best to keep him out of it.

When they entered the town, Connor hung back, waiting to see which direction they would go. Mal chose left, so Connor went right. Familiar faces greeted her as she went about her business. She’d just stepped out of the barber shop when she nearly crashed into Brandon. His hands caught her shoulders to stay off the impact, but they didn’t release her once she’d stopped moving.

“Was hoping to run into you,” the Endurance’s captain said with a smile. “Just not literally.”

Connor drew up a little straighter, glancing behind her as an excuse to step away from his touch. “Looks like you found me,” she said neutrally.

Brandon didn’t seem to know what to do with his hands so he hooked his thumbs on his belt buckle. “Things have been a bit difficult since… since the incident on the ship.”

With the small crowd moving in and out of the shops on the main square, Connor didn’t blame Brandon for speaking vaguely. The whole damn situation with the Operative was still wallowing in a gray area none of them were completely sure how to handle in the long run. “What have you and the boys decided to do?”

He shrugged. “Not like we can overthrow him. Would cause too much unrest at too crucial a time, but we think we need a plan. One that prepares for his eventual replacement.”

Sarah already knew who that was even if Brandon didn’t. She inhaled slowly, in no mood for this complication to her day. “I suppose you’ve got ideas?”

“Don’t I always?” Brandon offered her a charming smile that Sarah suspected worked on many women, but there was only one smile that she cared to see at the moment, and Brandon was keeping her from it.

“Usually,” Sarah admitted with a sigh.

“I thought… maybe tonight… you and I could have a drink… perhaps dinner… talk it over?” Brandon’s smile continued, but now Sarah caught the hint of nerves in his voice. She blinked.

“Um…”

“If you’re wondering if that was an excuse to ask you out on a date the answer if yes, although that topic of conversation is one that should be discussed.” He continued to smile, hoping to put Sarah at ease, but his attempts only made the moment worse.

“Brandon… I’ve told you before…” Sarah began slowly, not wanting to hurt him.

“I know. But things are different now. We’re different. You’re a beautiful woman, Connor. Can’t blame a man for asking.”

Sarah cleared her throat. If River was picking up on her unease the younger woman would no doubt come to her rescue in short order, more than likely at Brandon’s expense. “I’m afraid I already have plans,” she admitted.

Brandon’s features fell briefly before recovering, his smile not as bright as before. “Oh. Of course. Woman like you wouldn’t stay single for long.” Brandon stroked his smoothly shaved chin. “Malcolm, is it?”

“What?” Sarah blurted.

“He’s a good man. Think I’m a better captain, though, if I do say so myself.” Brandon continued to smile but with effort. “Ladies always did take to him for some odd reason.”

"Not this lady,” Sarah set him straight, the mere thought enough to make her vaguely ill.

“Well then… who’s my competition?”

Sarah sighed again. “There is no competition, Brandon.”

“I deserve to know who I’m up against.”

He really didn’t, but she pitied his bruised ego. “My heart is already won,” Sarah told him, feeling a bit like a heel when his smile faltered and failed completely.

“But…”

“I’m sorry, Brandon. I consider you a good friend. Always will, but nothing will ever happen between us.”

“Is it Jayne?” Brandon asked, his lip curling back just enough to reveal how much the thought disgusted him.

And just like that, Sarah’s pity for him evaporated. “Have to be going,” she murmured, stepping around him.

Brandon caught her elbow lightly, spinning her to face him. “Connor, please. Give me a chance. I know I could be better for you than any man ever could.”

Sarah gently pulled her arm away. “That’s probably true,” she answered cryptically, her lips twisting into a knowing smile that only confused the captain more. “Have a good evening, Brandon.”

He stood still, watching her go against the crowd, everyone stepping aside to let her pass. He’d never known a more charismatic woman, and he was determined to get to the bottom of the mystery of who had beaten him to such a prize.

***

“Well?” Zoe drew up beside her captain, standing alongside him in the town square as workers milled about, lighting lanterns and building a large bonfire for the evening’s festivities. Everyone she’d met had been nothing but polite, a few even recognizing her from the Alliance’s bulletins. Those folk had wanted to shake her hand, welcoming her to their cause. It had been strange being treated like a celebrity, and Zoe suspected it was a sensation River had come to know all too well.

Mal hitched his thumbs on his belt, missing the weight of his weapon. “Didn’t find nothing that caused me concern.”

“Me either,” Zoe admitted, kind of liking the place. Kerosene drifted to her on the breeze as a shop owner lit his lamps for the night, giving Zoe a charming smile before going back inside. “Locals seem friendly.”

“Very,” Mal agreed. “It’s creepy and off-putting.”

Zoe snorted softly. “Running with you keeps us mingling with untrustworthy folk.”

“Least you expect them to stab you in the back and steal your coin. These people you wouldn’t see it coming.” Mal sighed, his gaze traveling over the town suspiciously. “Too easy to get comfortable here. Get complacent.”

“There are places in the ‘Verse where you can supposedly do that.” Zoe shook her head as Mal offered her a blank stare. “Settle down. Lead a normal life.” This place with it’s simple beauty, the smell of jasmine always in the air… Zoe could just imagine what Wash would have thought of it, how much he would have wanted to stay.

“The hell you say.” Mal’s tone was faintly mocking. “Wouldn’t have thought you’d put stock in such tall tales.”

“Perish the thought.” Zoe’s gaze lingered on the bottom of the bonfire, watching as someone lit it, the flame flickering and dancing before catching on the logs and tinder. She could hear the fire’s crackle from there. “So now what?”

Mal pursed his lips. “Blend in. Best we’re able. Until it’s time to do otherwise.”

“Easier with Jayne gone.”

“True. Don’t suppose that blessing will continue much longer, though.” The captain turned away from the preparations and Zoe followed as they headed back out of town toward their cabins.

“Crew seems to be adapting well enough.”

“River and Sarah have other things on their minds. Same for Simon and Kaylee, I suspect.”

Mal shook his head. “River and Sarah,” he murmured.

“You callin’ her Sarah now?”

“Only when she ain’t in ear shot.” Mal scratched at an uneven patch of stubble on his chin.

“They’re getting serious.”

“Far and gone past serious. This war blows up, ain’t no way they won’t be dragged into it, like it or not.”

Mal made a noncommittal sound. “Can’t imagine Connor turning her back on a fight.”

“And the way the Alliance won’t let River be, I imagine that girl has no choice.”

They were quiet a moment, the setting sun warm and golden on the dirt road under their feet.

“Heard a lot of talk about River round town. They know she’s here,” Zoe added.

“Heard the same.” Mal’s gaze dropped to his boots, kicking up dust as he walked. “Wondered who would replace the Operative when the time came. Think the townsfolk already have a candidate in mind.”

Zoe said nothing, having long ago suspected such a fate awaited the youngest crew member. “Hell of a thing.”

“Hell of a thing,” Mal agreed soberly. “Hard to be in love when everyone wants a piece of you.”

“Hard to be in love when they don’t,” Zoe answered. “Feel like they’re destined to end badly, but don’t think there is a damn thing that could be done to keep them apart.”

“Not a damn thing. She evens her out, though. You noticed?”

“You mean River?” Zoe slipped a band from her pocket before tying her hair back. The breeze tickled her now bare neck and she shivered slightly. “Hard not to. I’d argue they even each other out. Connor always did run hot or cold. Very little in-between.”

“Don’t say.” Mal’s tone was dry. “Still, I think bringing Connor aboard was a good idea.”

Zoe glanced at him askance. “One of a very few.”

“Hey now.” Mal smiled and Zoe reluctantly did the same. After a moment, their smiles slowly faded.

“So what in the hell are we gonna do now, sir?”

“Winds blow north we go north,” Mal said slowly. “We’re caught up in this, Zoe. Like it or not, come to think we all ain’t got much choice.”

“Some tides are too strong to fight.” Unbidden, Zoe’s gaze drifted to Inara’s cabin as they returned. She caught a glimpse of River moving around behind the window. Serenity’s two most enigmatic women were alone and conspiring. Zoe’s lips lifted slightly at the thought. Whatever they were talking about, Sarah was no doubt the root of that conversation. God help the pilot.

“Let’s just hope this ain’t one that drags us under.”

****

Wood smoke drifted on the evening breeze. Sarah could almost taste it on the back of her tongue as she stepped out of her cabin into the pleasantly warm air. Around her, crickets chirped as dusk gave way to night, bathing the world in pale grays and blues.

Sarah ran a self-conscious hand through her freshly trimmed hair. She’d bought new clothes, had her jacket cleaned and mended for the occasion. If she’d been any other member of the crew getting this spiffed up for a date, she’d have made fun of them.

“Evening,” Simon called out, strolling toward her with a hesitant smile.

He gave Sarah the impression he’d been loitering, waiting for her or River. Perhaps both. Taking a deep breath and reminding herself to be social, Sarah eased forward to greet him even as her gaze scanned the other cabins in vain for River.

“Wow. Even polished your boots.” Simon grinned knowingly, but his heart wasn’t in the gesture.

He stopped by the porch and looked up at her. “You look nice,” he admitted.

“Thanks.” Sarah started to run her hand through her hair again and stopped herself, willing her hands to remain idle at her sides. “Don’t suppose you’ve you seen your sister about?”

Now Simon’s smile was one hundred percent genuine. “With Inara.”

The pilot’s stomach fluttered nervously. “Inara?”

“Getting some advice I would assume.”

“Advice?” Sarah’s voice continued to betray her as her imagination began to get the better of her. River wouldn’t be shy if she had questions for the companion, and Sarah doubted Inara would be shy about answering them.

“On what to wear,” Simon answered slowly, finally catching on to Sarah’s concerns. “I wouldn’t be so casual about any other kind of advice Inara might be willing to impart.”

Sarah shook her head and hopped off the porch. “I’m sure that’s it. The clothes, I mean,” she added uncomfortably.

Simon nodded, but he swallowed audibly when their gazes met again. “My sister is a grown woman.”

“She is,” Sarah agreed quickly.

“She’s in love.”

Sarah didn’t directly answer that assertion, still finding it hard to believe someone as amazing as River had chosen her. “And you’re her brother who would really rather not think of her that way.”

“Also true.” Simon smiled tightly. “I… was going to be all mature about tonight… give you my blessing and such.”

“Rethinking that?” Sarah asked, allowing a faint touch of bemusement to enter her voice.

Simon grimaced. “Maybe. Seemed a lot easier when I rehearsed this moment in my head.”

They stood in awkward silence, staring at Inara’s door.

“Maybe I should…” Sarah gestured at the companion’s cabin.

“Of course.” Simon nodded quickly. “Give me a minute alone to pull my foot out of my mouth.”

Sarah’s lips twisted into a wry, dark smile. “If you think this is uncomfortable, wait until tomorrow morning.”

“Why?” Simon grimaced again as the implication sunk in. “Yeah. You know, never mind.”

“What do we have here?” Mal asked as he stepped out of his cabin sporting a change of clothes. He’d shaved and run a comb through his hair for a change. Sarah has to admit he was handsome. Too bad his personality had to go and ruin it most of the time. “My favorite pilot and my favorite doctor conversing under the stars.”

Your only pilot and your only doctor making each other very uncomfortable,” Simon confessed with a smirk in Sarah’s direction.

“So a typical evening then.” Mal hopped off the porch, kicking up a cloud of dust that had Simon brushing off his own clothes in distaste. “You two about to head to town? Hear there’s revelry to be had.”

“Usually is.” Sarah glanced at Inara’s cabin again, her pulse picking up when she saw shadows moving behind the curtains. “What about you?”

“Thought I’d save you from the obvious awkwardness that was bound to ensue between you both or at least enjoy it firsthand.” The captain smiled.

“My hero.” Simon’s tone was droll.

Mal slapped him hard on the back and Simon coughed, glaring at the captain.

“Once that was done, figured I’d wander into town myself. See what there is to see.”

“You mean spy on my date with River.”

“I’ll admit, that does hold some potential.” Mal glanced about. “Speaking of… Where’s River?”

Sarah hesitated, exchanging a look with Simon. “With Inara.”

“Oh. That kinda date, is it?” Mal smirked and Sarah stood taller, taking exception to the captain thinking about River as anything less than a valued crew member. He waved her off after a moment. “Just be good to her whatever kind of date you’ve planned. You hurt that girl and I’ll throw you out an airlock… in pieces.”

“I really don’t understand you,” Simon told him.

“Good to keep people guessing, Doc.” Mal slapped Simon on the back again and the doctor looked like he might take a swing at the other man.

Sarah grabbed Simon’s elbow, jerking him toward her. “Don’t give him the satisfaction.”

Mal’s eyes were twinkling with amusement when they met hers and Sarah shook her head at his antics. “You’re incorrigible.”

“Part of my charm.”

“Is that what you call that, sir?” Zoe muttered as she joined the trio in the middle of their ring of cabins. Her arm brushed up against the pilot’s and Sarah felt the bump of Zoe’s hip playfully against her own. Apparently they were all relaxing for a change. Sarah wasn’t sure she liked it.

“Am I everyone’s entertainment for the evening?”

Zoe’s features revealed nothing. “You offering?”

Inara’s door opened then, and a clever retort died on Sarah’s tongue as her mouth went dry.

“Oh my gosh,” Kaylee said as she joined them as well, drawn by their voices. “Never seen River look so pretty.”

Neither had Sarah. She forgot to breathe as the younger woman stepped shyly toward her, the white dress she was wearing revealing every curve and valley of her body. Her hair was golden in the lamp light, falling in waves about her features that Sarah couldn’t wait to run her fingers through. She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

“That’s the expression we were going for,” Inara announced as she leaned in the doorway of her cabin, watching the moment with a pleased smile.

“River,” Simon whispered, seeing his sister with new eyes as she drew closer. “Look at you.”

“Is it bad?” River asked, unsure. “I thought Inara was never going to let me leave.” When she looked to Sarah, the pilot could only stare.

Mal moved past the pilot, a soft, sincere smile on his lips. “Entertainment has already started,” he drawled before taking River’s hands. “Look at you, indeed,” he added, his eyes shining with emotion and pride. “Clean up nice, Little Albatross.”

River laughed softly, charming all of them.

“You look,” Sarah finally found her voice only to lose it again.

Her smile broadening even as she dropped her gaze in shy pleasure, River squeezed Mal’s hands before stepping away from him to take in Sarah. “I look okay?” She hesitantly met Sarah’s eyes as her hands smoothed self-consciously down the front of her dress.

“More than okay,” Zoe murmured wryly when the pilot continued to remain speechless. “Especially if the look on Sarah’s face is any indication.”

Sarah released a breathless bark of laughter. No doubt she was amusing the others to no end, but she suddenly didn’t care. Not with the vision before her. “You look… beautiful doesn’t seem like a strong enough word.”

Kaylee put her arm around Simon who was watching the pair with watery eyes. “They’re so pretty together,” she whispered.

Simon nodded, too overcome with emotion to say anything more.

“Shall we?” Sarah offered her arm and River took it, moving in close. When they touched, the now familiar connection bloomed between them, and Sarah drew in a slow, aching breath at the sensuous pull the other woman had over her. Getting through the evening she had planned was already going to be difficult, but River had just weakened Sarah’s tremulous willpower where she was concerned.

“I like the haircut,” River said cheekily.

“You are such a brat. You had this planned.”

“Not all this,” River confessed with a light laugh. “I think Inara had grander plans than I did.”

Sarah glanced toward the companion, dipping her head in silent thanks. Inara smiled in returned, pleased with her handiwork.

“I really look okay?” River asked, unsure. Her fingers tangled in the ends of her recently cropped hair, now just slightly past her shoulders.

Sarah gave into temptation, letting her own fingers travel through River’s hair. “You look amazing,” she promised.

They stared at each other for a long moment, emotion and attraction pulling on them both. River gave into it first, closing the distance between them and kissing Sarah with gentle passion. Behind them, Kaylee giggled as Simon looked away.

“Yep,” Mal murmured. “Entertainment has already started.”

TBC

 

 


End file.
